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(The New Yorker)   A conservative history of the United States   (newyorker.com) divider line 26
    More: Amusing, human beings, United States, Cleland, Margaret Sanger, American Revolutionary War, Jamestown, Steve Doocy, Dan Quayle  
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6772 clicks; posted to Politics » on 21 Sep 2012 at 3:21 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-09-21 02:37:01 PM  
11 votes:

Diogenes: Nadie_AZ: Paul Revere "warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms, by ringing those bells and making sure as he was riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free."-Sarah Palin

What in the hell is she going on about, here? Molecules?

You made the common mistake of trying to parse her words and make sense of them.


Palindrome: (noun) a word, line, verse, number, sentence, etc., reading the same backward as forward, as in 'Madam, I'm Adam' or 'Poor Dan is in a droop'.

Sarah Palindrome: (noun) a sentence making the same amount of sense backward as forward, as in:

"warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms, by ringing those bells and making sure as he was riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free"

and

"free be to going were we and secure be to going were we that bells and shots warning those send to town through horse his riding was he as sure making and bells those ringing by, arms out away taking be to going weren't they that British the warning."
2012-09-21 01:36:38 PM  
7 votes:
Typical libtard "reading." As a True Patriot, I get all MY history from Jon McNaughton paintings.
2012-09-21 04:15:51 PM  
5 votes:

RexTalionis: Normally, I'm not much for the New Yorker, but this is pretty clever.


Borowitz is usually a good read.

The Borowitz Report has obtained the following confidential letter from Ann Romney to members of the Republican Party:

Dear Fellow-Republican,

I'm not a happy camper.

Over the past few days, some so-called Republicans have taken it upon themselves to lob some pretty harsh words in the direction of my husband. Now, it's one thing when Mitt gets criticized by the forty-seven per cent of Americans who are parasites sucking at capitalism's teat. But when former Reagan speechwriter Peggy Noonan calls his campaign "a rolling calamity," it's time for Ann Romney to kick some ass.

Which brings me to you. This is not a fundraising appeal. Lord knows this campaign has all the money it needs, especially since Mitt went to Vegas and promised Sheldon Adelson he'd bomb Tehran on Day One. As Mitt's wife, I'm asking you to pledge something far more valuable:

Your silence.

By signing the pledge form below, you become an official member of Ann Romney's Circle of Silence, an élite tier of the Romney for President Campaign. As a member of the C.O.S., you will receive priority ticketing to the Inauguration, as well as a collectible "Loose Lips Sink Mitt" ball gag. All you have to do is shut the freak up until Election Day.

That's right, for the next forty-six days, I'm asking you to bite your tongue every time Mitt says or does something idiotic. If you think that sounds difficult, welcome to my world.

And Peggy Noonan, if you're reading this: you want a piece of Ann Romney? Then get in the ring, girlfriend, and I'll mess you up good.

Vote for Mitt,

Ann


Read more http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2012/09/a-letter- from-ann-romney.html#ixzz278Xk9yEa
2012-09-21 03:53:51 PM  
5 votes:

BSABSVR: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Typical libtard "reading." As a True Patriot, I get all MY history from Jon McNaughton paintings.

If you haven't seen his latest:
[www.mcnaughtonart.com image 800x533]


i.imgur.com
2012-09-21 05:33:20 PM  
3 votes:
1756, Salzburg, January 27, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is born
1761, at the age of five Amadeus begins composing
1773, he writes his first piano concerto
1782, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart marries Constance Weber
1784, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart becomes a free mason
1791, Mozart composes "The Magic Flute"
On December 5th of that same year, Mozart dies
1985, Austrian rock singer Falco records
Rock Me Amadeus!
2012-09-21 03:57:40 PM  
3 votes:

brigid_fitch: BSABSVR: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Typical libtard "reading." As a True Patriot, I get all MY history from Jon McNaughton paintings.

If you haven't seen his latest:
[www.mcnaughtonart.com image 800x533]

No way. That's GOT to be a parody. *searches the site*

What is this I don't even


Oh, come on. It can't be that ba-
i0.kym-cdn.com
2012-09-21 01:40:33 PM  
3 votes:
Palin's Revere quote is still my favorite. The Queen of the Founder-worshiping 'Baggers in the middle of her "Wow! America!" tour queefs out some nonsense and stuns third graders with her ignorance.
2012-09-21 03:40:44 PM  
2 votes:

ArkPanda: BSABSVR: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Typical libtard "reading." As a True Patriot, I get all MY history from Jon McNaughton paintings.

If you haven't seen his latest:
[www.mcnaughtonart.com image 800x533]

OK, I give up. I don't see Waldo anywhere.


Obama had him killed for being a Christian.
2012-09-21 03:38:40 PM  
2 votes:

BSABSVR: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Typical libtard "reading." As a True Patriot, I get all MY history from Jon McNaughton paintings.

If you haven't seen his latest:
[www.mcnaughtonart.com image 800x533]


Is that Muslim going to throw an M-80 in the toilet? Awesome.
2012-09-21 03:31:16 PM  
2 votes:
i14.photobucket.com 

That article made me sad.
2012-09-21 03:28:18 PM  
2 votes:

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Typical libtard "reading." As a True Patriot, I get all MY history from Jon McNaughton paintings.


If you haven't seen his latest:
www.mcnaughtonart.com
2012-09-21 12:33:39 PM  
2 votes:

DamnYankees: Given that I'm sure you could also do this for Democrats, its still pretty funny.


True. Let's up the difficulty to Republicans that have run for president, or been on the presidential ticket in the last 4 years.


1500s: The American Revolutionary War begins: "The reason we fought the revolution in the sixteenth century was to get away from that kind of onerous crown."-Rick Perry
1619-1808: Africans set sail for America in search of freedom: "Other than Native Americans, who were here, all of us have the same story."-Michele Bachmann
1775: Paul Revere "warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms, by ringing those bells and making sure as he was riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free."-Sarah Palin.
1775: New Hampshire starts the American Revolution: "What I love about New Hampshire... You're the state where the shot was heard around the world."-Michele Bachmann
1776: The Founding Synod signs the Declaration of Independence: "...those fifty-six brave people, most of whom, by the way, were clergymen."-Mike Huckabee
1787: Slavery is banned in the Constitution: "We also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States."-Michele Bachmann
1812: The American War for Independence ends: " 'The Star-Spangled Banner'...that song-written during the battle in the War of 1812-commemorates the sacrifice that won our liberty."-Mitt Romney
1916: Planned Parenthood opens genocide clinics: "When Margaret Sanger-check my history-started Planned Parenthood, the objective was to put these centers in primarily black communities so they could help kill black babies before they came into the world."-Herman Cain
1961: Barack Obama is born, in Africa: "And one thing that I do know is his having grown up in Kenya."-Mike Huckabee
July 20, 1969: Neil Armstrong makes a historic utterance: "The first word spoken from the moon was 'Houston.' "-Rick Perry
September 11, 2001: Nothing happened: "We had no domestic attacks under Bush."-Rudy Giuliani
2006: The Rapture of Jesus Christ débuts: "We are in the last days."-Michele Bachmann

They forgot one:
growlersoftware.com
2012-09-21 12:22:50 PM  
2 votes:
"In the beginning there were Jews, then Jesus came and killed them all. Then the dinosaurs came and they got too greed for government handouts and they all died and turned into oil. Then the Arabs came..."
2012-09-22 12:04:23 PM  
1 votes:

randomjsa: This is true whether you want to admit it or not. Obama and liberals were against virtually everything Bush did to combat terrorism and the majority of the work done to track bin Laden down was done under the Bush administration. That work went back to before Obama was even a senator.


Yeah, like remember when Osama was hiding in Iraq and Bush tracked him down there? ....that was awesome.
2012-09-22 01:46:03 AM  
1 votes:

HighOnCraic: 1964: Republicans fight for the Civil Rights Act: "We were the people who passed the civil-rights bills back in the sixties without very much help from our colleagues across the aisle."-Representative Virginia Foxx

Democrats controlled both houses of Congress in '57, '64, and '65, when the civil rights acts were passed. Republicans controlled both houses from 1947 to 1949. No civil rights acts were passed, but Truman desegregated the United States Armed Forces via Executive Order.


The Civil Rights Act would make an excellent classroom example of a real-world instance of Simpson's paradox, if it weren't so likely to cause a statistics class to erupt into political shiat-fiats.
2012-09-22 12:34:56 AM  
1 votes:
2012 - Seal Team 6 fought bravely but for naught to keep a defiant and enraged Obama from murdering unarmed and innocent Osama Bin Laden.
2012-09-21 03:40:02 PM  
1 votes:
Just look at what that asshole, Obama, did in July of this year!

Link
2012-09-21 03:35:18 PM  
1 votes:

BSABSVR: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Typical libtard "reading." As a True Patriot, I get all MY history from Jon McNaughton paintings.

If you haven't seen his latest:
[www.mcnaughtonart.com image 800x533]


No way. That's GOT to be a parody. *searches the site*

What is this I don't even
2012-09-21 03:33:10 PM  
1 votes:

BSABSVR: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Typical libtard "reading." As a True Patriot, I get all MY history from Jon McNaughton paintings.

If you haven't seen his latest:
[www.mcnaughtonart.com image 800x533]


OK, I give up. I don't see Waldo anywhere.
2012-09-21 03:32:50 PM  
1 votes:
This text was pulled almost verbatim from the Conservative Homeschooler's Guide to Real American History.
2012-09-21 03:27:43 PM  
1 votes:
I submitted this with the same headline two days ago.

/shrugs
2012-09-21 03:25:17 PM  
1 votes:
imageshack.us


First the earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. And Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes. I couldn't believe it.
2012-09-21 02:09:32 PM  
1 votes:

Diogenes: Nadie_AZ: Paul Revere "warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms, by ringing those bells and making sure as he was riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free."-Sarah Palin

What in the hell is she going on about, here? Molecules?

You made the common mistake of trying to parse her words and make sense of them.


Think of all the bootstraps he must have used.
2012-09-21 02:03:16 PM  
1 votes:

Nadie_AZ: Paul Revere "warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms, by ringing those bells and making sure as he was riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free."-Sarah Palin

What in the hell is she going on about, here? Molecules?


You made the common mistake of trying to parse her words and make sense of them.
2012-09-21 01:49:27 PM  
1 votes:
I thought it began and ended with Reagan.
2012-09-21 12:44:00 PM  
1 votes:
Flying Jihad Terror Babies!
 
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