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(FilmDrunk)   Not an Onion headline: Michael Bay Will Choose His 'Transformers 4′ Assistant From A Doritos Contest   (filmdrunk.uproxx.com) divider line 48
    More: Silly, Doritos, Transformers, Optimus Prime, onions, Shia Labeouf, transformers films, Jason Statham, Megan Fox  
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1252 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 21 Sep 2012 at 2:48 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



48 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2012-09-21 01:42:18 PM
Do you know what this means? The BAYSPLOSIONS will be even more EXTREEEEEEME!
 
2012-09-21 01:51:49 PM
How can movies that are so filled with action be so boring?
 
2012-09-21 01:59:37 PM

stpauler: How can movies that are so filled with action be so boring?


They chose the screenwriter for the first three Transformers movies in a Funyuns contest.
 
2012-09-21 02:40:08 PM
Why would anyone want to win a "prize" of working for Michael Bay?

Hey guys, I have this new contest, whoever wins will be treated like sh*t on the set of my new movie! Better news, if you're a hot woman I'll probably rape you!

Male or female, you'll probably feel like taking a cold shower when it's all over.
 
2012-09-21 02:40:54 PM
That's just stupid.
Should be a Cheetos contest.
 
2012-09-21 02:51:36 PM
Anybody can learn to wash a car...
 
2012-09-21 02:53:30 PM
Can I Enter NOT To Win?
 
2012-09-21 03:00:02 PM

ignatius_crumbcake: stpauler: How can movies that are so filled with action be so boring?

They chose the screenwriter for the first three Transformers movies in a Funyuns contest.


I don't even think Revenge of the Fallen had a script. There was probably a rough outline and then Bay started wingin' it after the Writer's Strike kicked into high gear.
 
2012-09-21 03:05:11 PM
I suspect your average Doritos enthusiast is too discerning to want to work on Transformers 4.
 
2012-09-21 03:15:54 PM
Have you got the touch and/or the power to be an assistant on Transformers?
 
2012-09-21 03:17:20 PM
Time for Mad Libs, all you Farkers:

1) Known movie director
2) Movie franchise associated with answer #1
3) Consumer product

__________ will choose his/her ________ movie assistant from a __________ contest.

Winner sends their headline to The Onion.
 
2012-09-21 03:19:35 PM
The real prize is the $400,000 to $1,000,000 Grand Prize if your commercial is voted up to number one on the Super Bowl ads. You also get $25,000 just for making it to the finals, and up to $50,000 in travel expenses if Bay wants to shoot T4 in the Maldives.

From what I can see in the rules they're going to have two Grand Prize winners

The odds for this contest are some of the best for any contest running: Around 5,000 to 1 at a chance to win a Million. If you've got a funny idea for a Superbowl Doritos ad, and can put together something that looks professional, you simply can't get better odds.
 
2012-09-21 03:20:26 PM

paswa17: Time for Mad Libs, all you Farkers:

1) Known movie director
2) Movie franchise associated with answer #1
3) Consumer product

__________ will choose his/her ________ movie assistant from a __________ contest.

Winner sends their headline to The Onion.


Tim Burton will choose his wife from a Johnny Depp Lookalike contest.
 
2012-09-21 03:30:24 PM
The old mid-'80s animated Transformers movie, which had a target audience of 8-year-old boys, had a better and more mature plot than the Bay films, and a much better cast. I wish people would for Christ's sake stop watching this garbage so we wouldn't be subjected to more of this abuse, but it'll probably be a massive hit.
 
2012-09-21 03:30:57 PM
I grew up watching the original cartoons, I had the toys and all that but I could not get into the movies one bit. Way to much boring action, way too shakey camera. You couldn't even tell what your seeing most of the time in action scenes.

Just because you have the ability with cgi to make every single movement look like its going at 500 mph doesn't mean you have to do it like that.

Same goes for Abrams and that lens flare in star trek. Both ruin the movies with their technology over use.
 
2012-09-21 03:31:47 PM
In short

he's looking for someone just as stoned out of his mind as he is
 
2012-09-21 03:33:06 PM
Michael Bay is an asshole.

I know this from a friend who was an extra on Transformers and said he was basically yelling and shouting at everybody even the poor guy who tried to bring him coffee.

Michael Bay is an asshole.
 
2012-09-21 03:36:59 PM
Doritos contest chosen assistant : This is good, but could it be a little more... oh, I don't know... explodier?
Michael Bay : ... YES! Why didn't I think of that?
 
2012-09-21 03:51:28 PM

wookiemonster: The real prize is the $400,000 to $1,000,000 Grand Prize if your commercial is voted up to number one on the Super Bowl ads. You also get $25,000 just for making it to the finals, and up to $50,000 in travel expenses if Bay wants to shoot T4 in the Maldives.

From what I can see in the rules they're going to have two Grand Prize winners

The odds for this contest are some of the best for any contest running: Around 5,000 to 1 at a chance to win a Million. If you've got a funny idea for a Superbowl Doritos ad, and can put together something that looks professional, you simply can't get better odds.


The problem is whenever you let the internet vote on something it always ends in spectacular fail. Some 15 year old girl with a million youtube followers could just film herself saying "Yay Dorritos!" with her smart phone and still get enough votes to win.
 
2012-09-21 03:54:19 PM

paswa17: __________ will choose his/her ________ movie assistant from a __________ contest.


Quentin Tarantino, Kill Bill Vol 3, foot
Zack Snyder, 301, slow-mo
Clint Eastwood, More letters from Iwo Jima, America Loving
 
2012-09-21 04:00:52 PM
This is retarded. This is going to end up just like that music video from the 80s with that hair metal band. Some midwestern chick won a chance to be in the video ... but instead of featuring her for any length of time in the apocalyptic themed mess, they focused on the stereotypical model broads and hair. The contest winner was reduced to, like, half of half of a second in the beginning and the end working some controls like the dog in Silent Hill 2 against our hapless hair metalists.

Whoever wins is going to do fk all. The contest promoters are probably hoping for a Make A Wish kid.

Michael Bay is hoping for a stunning but stupid female.

Nobody is gonna want anybody with any real desire to be Hollywood. Bank on it.
 
2012-09-21 04:02:03 PM
The topless robot FAQ reviews of Transformer 2 and 3 are pretty spot on.
 
2012-09-21 04:10:44 PM

wookiemonster: The real prize is the $400,000 to $1,000,000 Grand Prize if your commercial is voted up to number one on the Super Bowl ads. You also get $25,000 just for making it to the finals, and up to $50,000 in travel expenses if Bay wants to shoot T4 in the Maldives.

From what I can see in the rules they're going to have two Grand Prize winners

The odds for this contest are some of the best for any contest running: Around 5,000 to 1 at a chance to win a Million. If you've got a funny idea for a Superbowl Doritos ad, and can put together something that looks professional, you simply can't get better odds.


Oh dear. No, dude. You see, nobody wins these things because they put together the best presentation. It's never about quality. People 'win' these things by having the best social media. It's the difference between a kid working hard to sell some candy at a fundraiser, versus a kid not having to do shiat because they have an extended family of relatives able to rope co-workers and bystandards into buying the candy in volume at high-traffic locations.

How many times do total farkers come up in here asking folks to mass vote for their relative or themselves in some crap contest? browntimmy is absolutely right about who really wins this kind of shiat. Hell, I vaguely remember a time involving either Daily Kos or this site. The members of the site were being massaged into outrage! outrage, I tell you! by a contestant's, like, mother, because one of the other contestants was using their family newspaper to troll for votes from their town. But the parent using the website to troll for votes, themselves, was kosher. They saw nothing wrong with it.

It's never quality.
It's only who has the best social media.
Same thing in the end, for the real purpose?
 
2012-09-21 04:15:35 PM

ExperianScaresCthulhu: It's never quality.
It's only who has the best social media.


Except those were my favorite commercials that year. Pretty sure they won those contests on merit. Other contests, yeah popularity contest. Film contests, notsomuch
 
2012-09-21 04:16:01 PM

wookiemonster: The real prize is the $400,000 to $1,000,000 Grand Prize if your commercial is voted up to number one on the Super Bowl ads. You also get $25,000 just for making it to the finals, and up to $50,000 in travel expenses if Bay wants to shoot T4 in the Maldives.

From what I can see in the rules they're going to have two Grand Prize winners

The odds for this contest are some of the best for any contest running: Around 5,000 to 1 at a chance to win a Million. If you've got a funny idea for a Superbowl Doritos ad, and can put together something that looks professional, you simply can't get better odds.


Will it cost you more than $200 to do it? Then it isn't worth it.
 
2012-09-21 04:24:15 PM
That's what the second-place winner gets. The grand prize winner DOESN'T have to work with Bay.
 
2012-09-21 04:24:57 PM
This is a theme with Michael Bay. He actually gets the advice he gives to actors from fortune cookies.
 
2012-09-21 04:25:20 PM
chzragecomics.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-09-21 04:29:33 PM
I thought that was also how he hires his screenwriters...
 
2012-09-21 04:33:37 PM

bdub77: Why would anyone want to win a "prize" of working for Michael Bay?


To undermine him at every turn and try to stop the movie from being produced?
 
2012-09-21 04:34:27 PM
I am just happy he is making a 4th one!! I hope Shia is returns for it. He said he is done with block busters, but I hope he folds.
 
2012-09-21 04:43:32 PM

thecpt: ExperianScaresCthulhu: It's never quality.
It's only who has the best social media.

Except those were my favorite commercials that year. Pretty sure they won those contests on merit. Other contests, yeah popularity contest. Film contests, notsomuch


There was a recent video contest for the AMC channel with three winners. One picked by AMC, one with the most views, and one with the most online votes. AMC managed to pick one with some creativity and production value, but the other two winners were uninspired amateur crap.

It does say one of the finalists will be picked by Dorritos, so that is somewhat reassuring.
 
2012-09-21 04:53:40 PM

Timmy the Tumor: That's what the second-place winner gets. The grand prize winner DOESN'T have to work with Bay.


The third-place winner gets to re-enact this scene, with Bay directing:

farm1.staticflickr.com
 
2012-09-21 04:54:54 PM
How to win this "contest":

Step 1) Apply for contest
Step 2) Tell all voters that "if I win this contest, I totally promise to throw a cup of scalding hot coffee at Mr. Bay's head at the first possible opportunity."
Step 3) Voting explosion, victory
 
2012-09-21 04:58:37 PM

bdub77: Why would anyone want to win a "prize" of working for Michael Bay?

Hey guys, I have this new contest, whoever wins will be treated like sh*t on the set of my new movie! Better news, if you're a hot woman I'll probably rape you!

Male or female, you'll probably feel like taking a cold shower when it's all over.


thedisorderofthings.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-09-21 06:28:49 PM
He should call it "TransFOURmers" since it's the fourth one.

Get it? Four.
 
2012-09-21 08:05:51 PM
So three months of polishing giant robot testicles and giving Bay Red Bull enemas... it's more dignified than starring in one of his movies, I guess.
 
2012-09-21 08:28:22 PM

MrEricSir: bdub77: Why would anyone want to win a "prize" of working for Michael Bay?

To undermine him at every turn and try to stop the movie from being produced?


i1.kym-cdn.com

It didn't work for our lord and personal dread one... :(
 
2012-09-21 08:47:12 PM
So...one shall stand, the rest shall fall?
 
2012-09-21 08:51:26 PM

Subdue their bellies: He should call it "TransFOURmers" since it's the fourth one.

Get it? Four.


I'm sorry that just wouldn't work. The ADD, TL;DR version of the title would have to be T4F4 or something like that and that's just one too many squiggle thingies to read.
 
2012-09-21 09:30:52 PM
Synopsis of a Michael Bay film

1.- Dramatic entrance
2.- Explosions
3.- Five-minute long scene of the US flag
4.- Tits!
5.- More explosions
6.- Inane dialogue with the main character about America!
7.- Explosions and here comes the villain
8.- Another five-minute scene of the US flag, this time is slightly charred, and the main character is present
9.- More tits
10.- Explosions
11.- Final boss fight, with explosions
12.- Dramatic ending with explosions, tits and the American flag!.
 
2012-09-21 11:10:26 PM
I have a horrible feeling that this will be set in the future, and since Bay doesn't think a robot space dinosaur is "realistic", Grimlock will be Statham's nickname AND he'll be Daniel from the show, taking all the horrible comic relief from the cartoon and turning into one brand new horrible character.
 
2012-09-21 11:14:12 PM

MrEricSir: bdub77: Why would anyone want to win a "prize" of working for Michael Bay?

To undermine him at every turn and try to stop the movie from being produced?


I want to win this for two reasons:

1) To needle Bay at every turn and try to send him into explosions of rage, with camera phone on stand-by to YouTube all of it.

2) Give copies of my script to every single farking person I meet in Hollywood.

Oh, and 3) Would raise chances of meeting and banging hot starlet from Zero to More-Than-Zero, given the dearth of hot starlets here or at my workplace.
 
2012-09-22 12:04:28 AM
So you're saying the winner will be Weedlord Bonerhitler or possibly "Hiter did nothing wrong"...both fine actors and directors.
 
2012-09-22 12:11:28 AM

CygnusDarius: Synopsis of a Michael Bay film

1.- Dramatic entrance
2.- Explosions
3.- Five-minute long scene of the US flag
4.- Tits!
5.- More explosions
6.- Inane dialogue with the main character about America!
7.- Explosions and here comes the villain
8.- Another five-minute scene of the US flag, this time is slightly charred, and the main character is present
9.- More tits
10.- Explosions
11.- Final boss fight, with explosions
12.- Dramatic ending with explosions, tits and the American flag!.


I like the man's movies (save Armageddon), and I still had to laugh at this one.

Hell, Dark of the Moon actually had the tits come before the explosions (the big explosions anyway).
 
2012-09-22 12:59:16 AM

CygnusDarius: Synopsis of a Michael Bay film

1.- Dramatic entrance
2.- Explosions
3.- Five-minute long scene of the US flag
4.- Tits!
5.- More explosions
6.- Inane dialogue with the main character about America!
7.- Explosions and here comes the villain
8.- Another five-minute scene of the US flag, this time is slightly charred, and the main character is present
9.- More tits
10.- Explosions
11.- Final boss fight, with explosions
12.- Dramatic ending with explosions, tits and the American flag!.


13. Slo-mo shots of helicopters silhouetted against sunset. (Seriously, take a shot every time you see a sunset or sunrise in a Bay movie. It's almost a frequent as the Baysplosions.
 
2012-09-22 01:20:45 AM

Tigersmind: Can I Enter NOT To Win?


You're going to have lots of competition.
 
2012-09-22 04:55:31 AM

Clutch2013: ignatius_crumbcake: stpauler: How can movies that are so filled with action be so boring?

They chose the screenwriter for the first three Transformers movies in a Funyuns contest.

I don't even think Revenge of the Fallen had a script. There was probably a rough outline and then Bay started wingin' it after the Writer's Strike kicked into high gear.


False! They actually cast their net far & wide for a writer - then picked the one with the worst track record in Hollywood.

/the same guy who screwed up Scream 3
//the girl handing out ghostface costumes in the movie theatre at the begining of Scream 2 won her part in an MTV competition
///not sure if relevant......or even interesting?
 
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