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(WWSB ABC 7)   If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then get the heck away from it before you wind up having to call 911 because you're "bleeding like a stuck pig"   (mysuncoast.com) divider line 60
    More: Florida, Sarasota, Sarasota County, Ingrid Cardozo  
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7877 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Sep 2012 at 10:24 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-21 10:07:29 AM
Wabbit season!
 
2012-09-21 10:09:54 AM
"I wasn't bothering him, I wasn't feeding him, I wasn't doing anything to him," Cardozo said. "He raked my legs until I was a bloody mess."


He must have really wanted her to buy insurance.
 
2012-09-21 10:26:59 AM
Poor old lady, but I still had to laugh.

Hunters to the rescue!!!
 
2012-09-21 10:27:04 AM
Careful kid, that duck will take an eye out.
 
2012-09-21 10:28:06 AM
I'm always amazed when I see parents let their toddlers chase after Canada geese. If you've ever seen a goose attack you'd realize they would be able to do some serious injury to a child.
 
2012-09-21 10:28:19 AM
 
2012-09-21 10:28:23 AM
everytime I see ducks in the wild... when they outnumber me... i feel a little like what a former concentration camp officer might feel in israel... or what stuntman bill felt like when the tables were turned.

oh, it's a good thing those ducks don't know the pleasure I take in eating their stupid, dog-like faces.
 
2012-09-21 10:29:34 AM
from TFA: "If a small child were to bend down to pet the duck or something, the duck could scratch their eye out."

awesome. think of the children and you'll lose an eye in one sentence.
 
2012-09-21 10:33:18 AM

jabelar: I'm always amazed when I see parents let their toddlers chase after Canada geese. If you've ever seen a goose attack you'd realize they would be able to do some serious injury to a child.


THIS.

However, if you are an adult, and are stupid enough to get your ass kicked by the ducks/geese, you will get laughed at. Maybe not to your face, but afterwords.
 
2012-09-21 10:34:09 AM

UberDave: "I wasn't bothering him, I wasn't feeding him, I wasn't doing anything to him," Cardozo said. "He raked my legs until I was a bloody mess."


He must have really wanted her to buy insurance.


LOL!! we have those damn aflack posters around work this week.
 
2012-09-21 10:35:39 AM
I've been warning people about the little rape machines for years, but nooooo, I'm "a sadistic duck hating madman with a mallet". Well now it's begun.

Quack quack
 
2012-09-21 10:36:19 AM

UberDave: He must have really wanted her to buy insurance.


pays the doctors boooooyyyiieeeee!
 
2012-09-21 10:36:31 AM

blatz514: Careful kid, that duck will take an eye out.


That's why schools should tell kids to never run with a duck in your hands.
 
2012-09-21 10:37:56 AM

Shadowtag: I've been warning people about the little rape machines for years, but nooooo, I'm "a sadistic duck hating madman with a mallet". Well now it's begun.

Quack quack


You, Sir, are a hero to the common people.

Every duck you smash is another duck which can't ethnically cleanse a jew.
 
2012-09-21 10:44:48 AM
www.mysuncoast.com

Serious Duck means business. 

/I think he's Russian Mafia personally
//read the article to get the joke
 
2012-09-21 10:45:02 AM

pute kisses like a man: everytime I see ducks in the wild... when they outnumber me... i feel a little like what a former concentration camp officer might feel in israel... or what stuntman bill felt like when the tables were turned.

oh, it's a good thing those ducks don't know the pleasure I take in eating their stupid, dog-like faces.


Well, now we know Kim Kardashian's Fark handle.
 
2012-09-21 10:46:36 AM
Wanted for questioning:

i212.photobucket.com

/Sweet, sweet questioning...
 
2012-09-21 10:46:55 AM
From this we can infer territorial behavior in dinosaurs.
 
2012-09-21 10:50:22 AM
Say the secret word and the duck flies down and gives you and your partner $100. Today's secret word is "Bandage".
 
2012-09-21 10:50:35 AM
If only there was some way to let people know that birds can be dangerous ...

Signs, how do they work?


/I live near the shore of a Great Lake, rampant with ducks, geese and swans, so I'm getting a kick out of this.
 
2012-09-21 10:54:36 AM
www.fieldandstream.com

And watch out for swans.
 
2012-09-21 10:56:38 AM
She was confused when people shouted the warning "DUCK!"
 
2012-09-21 10:58:58 AM
Witches in the park? More likely than you think.
 
2012-09-21 10:59:42 AM
Wildlife experts say male muscovy ducks can be very mean. "Muscovy's can weigh up to twenty pounds. When they are angry, they will bite and scratch you with their claws," said Damen Hurd with Wildlife Incorporated.

Muscovy's can weigh up to twenty pounds.

Muscovy's

's


/bobtheangryflower.jpg
//Where are the editors?
 
2012-09-21 11:04:05 AM
[911 Operator] Source: LYBIO.net
This is the ambulance emergency line, do you have an emergency?

[911 Caller]
I need a Bambalance

[911 Operator]
Who is this?

[911 Caller]
Joe

[911 Operator] Source: LYBIO.net
Ok. Where do you need it.

[911 Caller]
I'm in a a mutha farkin phone booth

[911 Operator]
Ok, what's the address there?

[911 Caller]
Uh, hold on.

[911 Dispatch Operator]
OK sir, did you call through 911?

[911 Caller]
Uh... No!

[911 Dispatch Operator] Source: LYBIO.net
OK Joe, I need an, a location, what street are you on?

[911 Caller]
Uh, I'm in the mo'farking phone booth at the Stop-n-Go. Damn it - that's it, I'm at the mo'farkin' Stop-n-Go. On uh, on ah, wait a minute, (inaudible) what's the mo'farkin' street, (inaudible) and somethin', at the mo'farkin' Stop-n-Go.

[911 Dispatch Operator]
(inaudible) and what?

[911 Caller] Source: LYBIO.net
Hold on... (long pause) Uh.. Yo!

[911 Dispatch Operator]
Uh-huh?

On LYBIO.net you can find - The Largest community of text-script-video blogging service. http://www.lybio.net

[911 Caller]
Hello? Lemme see. (inaudible)

[911 Dispatch Operator]
(inaudible)

[911 Caller]
There you go. There you go! I'm in the mo'farkin' phone booth. Ah, lemme tell you what, I'm in the, I'm going down the mo'farkin' road driving my car minding my own goddamn business, and a mo'farkin' deer jumped out and hit my car.

[911 Dispatch Operator]
OK sir, are you injured?

[911 Caller] Source: LYBIO.net
Now, now, lemme tell you! I get out, and pick the mo'farkin' deer up, I thought he was dead. I put the mo'farkin' deer in my backseat and I'm driving down the mo'farkin' road and minding my own business, the mo'farker woke up and bit me in the back of my goddamn neck, it bit me and it done kicked the shiat out of my car! I'm in the mo'farkin' phone booth, the deer bit me in the neck, a big mo'farkin' dog came up and bit me in the leg, I hit him with uh the mo'farkin' tire iron and I stabbed him, I stabbed him with my knife, so I got a hurt leg, and the mo'farkin' deer bit me in the neck. And the deer, and the dog won't let me out the mo'farkin' phone booth, 'cause he wants the deer. Now who gets the deer, me or the dog?

[911 Dispatch Operator]
OK sir, are you injured?

[911 Caller] Source: LYBIO.net
Yeah! Mo'farkin' deer bit me in the neck! Hold on... Yeah, the mo'fu, hold, the mo'farkin' dog is biting me, hold on, god damn get outta here! Mo, hold on, the mo'farkin' dog is bitin' my ass! Hold on!
 
2012-09-21 11:04:51 AM
ATTACK! PARRY! TWIRL! THRUST!
 
2012-09-21 11:04:52 AM
6655321~

Nicely done, but others may say that it sounds a little grouchy.
 
2012-09-21 11:11:03 AM
"Remember boys and girls, what should you do when you see the flash?"

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-09-21 11:13:45 AM
Pamela: You killed my duck!

Jim Morrison: I killed your duck?
[stomps on the duck]

Jim Morrison: And I'm still killing your f*cking duck. There! Murder! Death! Duck! Dead! Death f*cking dead! There, the duck is dead!

[Dog then picks up the duck that has been stomped on by Morrison]

Dog: F*uck it lets eat this thing!
 
2012-09-21 11:14:09 AM
This has to be fairly rare. We raised ducks when I was a kid, and I've never heard about a brutal duck attack nor was I even aware that they were capable of doing serious damage.
 
2012-09-21 11:14:40 AM

Feral_and_Preposterous: pute kisses like a man: everytime I see ducks in the wild... when they outnumber me... i feel a little like what a former concentration camp officer might feel in israel... or what stuntman bill felt like when the tables were turned.

oh, it's a good thing those ducks don't know the pleasure I take in eating their stupid, dog-like faces.

Well, now we know Kim Kardashian's Fark handle.


because I like ducks, or because I'm aware of the internet meme that ducks are wearing dog masks?

/ or because I made a rather nonchalant reference to genocide? apologies, it was a little simple
 
2012-09-21 11:15:20 AM
That's pathetic. Sometimes when I go to the park I let the ducks attack me as I feed them. It feels funny. Hell, she could've just walked away. Those ducks can't waddle faster than a geriatric cripple can walk.
 
2012-09-21 11:18:19 AM
When paramedics arrived, they treated her for her wounds. Since then, she has gone to her doctor and continues to wear a large bandage on her left leg. Other wounds remain visible. "I could not walk for two days. It was just too painful,"

Hopefully, they charged all of her medical expenses to his bill.
 
2012-09-21 11:19:18 AM

uncleacid: And watch out for swans.


No joke. I grew up on a farm, and one summer these geese flew in and took over a little pond closeby.

They were like a loud, screeching gang of kids who would trash the place and shiat all over everything. You couldn't even get anywhere near the pond before you got rushed by 3 angry geese. Tough little farkers.

We borrowed my neighbour's mastiff for one afternoon. Problem solved.
 
2012-09-21 11:28:30 AM

Jlop985: Wildlife experts say male muscovy ducks can be very mean. "Muscovy's can weigh up to twenty pounds. When they are angry, they will bite and scratch you with their claws," said Damen Hurd with Wildlife Incorporated.

Muscovy's can weigh up to twenty pounds.

Muscovy's

's

/bobtheangryflower.jpg
//Where are the editors?


At the Bar?

Yes, Muscovies are disgusting.
 
2012-09-21 11:30:04 AM
We have these pests all over Naples. They shiat everywhere and nonchalantly wander in front of moving cars. The local Chinese food places are the only things keeping the population in check.
 
2012-09-21 11:33:49 AM
Here for the "WARNING KILLER DUCKS" sign shops. Leaving disappointed.
 
2012-09-21 11:42:05 AM
The age at which you cannot defend yourself from a duck is probably a good time to get yourself checked into a nursing home.
 
2012-09-21 11:44:20 AM

halB: That's pathetic. Sometimes when I go to the park I let the ducks attack me as I feed them. It feels funny. Hell, she could've just walked away. Those ducks can't waddle faster than a geriatric cripple can walk.


FTFA: It was no walk in the park for 78-year-old Ingrid Cardozo last weekend.

You see, what you said would be funnier if she wasn't actually a geriatric cripple.
 
2012-09-21 11:53:54 AM
Quack in hell; you little feathery bastard!
 
2012-09-21 11:59:28 AM
i have no problem with punching a duck right in its' stupid bill if it attacks me. The trick to bird fighting is to just spaz out and flail around with vicious karate chops and kicks. Don't be afraid to roll on the ground screaming "hoochie mama!" Just do that while focusing all of your hate and fears on that bird, you'll be fine.
 
2012-09-21 12:01:02 PM

wumpus: i have no problem with punching a duck right in its' stupid bill if it attacks me. The trick to bird fighting is to just spaz out and flail around with vicious karate chops and kicks. Don't be afraid to roll on the ground screaming "hoochie mama!" Just do that while focusing all of your hate and fears on that bird, you'll be fine.


Serenity now.
 
2012-09-21 12:04:09 PM

Wasilla Hillbilly: This has to be fairly rare. We raised ducks when I was a kid, and I've never heard about a brutal duck attack nor was I even aware that they were capable of doing serious damage.


I think it is only the Russian ducks that are mean.

/Was hand feeding mallards yesterday, so getting a kick.
 
2012-09-21 12:04:36 PM
You can put lipstick on a pig, but unless you have all your ducks in a row, it's hard to make a silk purse with a monkey on your back.
 
2012-09-21 12:13:49 PM
I've been known to kick a goose or two when they tried that shiat. They tend to stop attacking you after that.
 
2012-09-21 12:18:23 PM
Sounds like dinner.
 
2012-09-21 12:24:18 PM
When the lady yelled for help, did it echo?
 
2012-09-21 12:35:29 PM

6655321: Say the secret word and the duck flies down and gives you and your partner $100. Today's secret word is "Bandage".


Groucho at his best.
 
2012-09-21 12:41:29 PM

wumpus: i have no problem with punching a duck right in its' stupid bill if it attacks me. The trick to bird fighting is to just spaz out and flail around with vicious karate chops and kicks. Don't be afraid to roll on the ground screaming "hoochie mama!" Just do that while focusing all of your hate and fears on that bird, you'll be fine.


Sounds like my sex life,but with parrots.
 
2012-09-21 12:45:32 PM

Quiefenburger: We have these pests all over Naples. They shiat everywhere and nonchalantly wander in front of moving cars. The local Chinese food places are the only things keeping the population in check.


That's... ok
 
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