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(Fox News)   "As anyone who's read my abstinence column here at Fox News Opinion could guess, my wedding is something that I've looked forward to for quite some time"   (foxnews.com) divider line 354
    More: Obvious, Fox News  
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13003 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Sep 2012 at 9:50 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-19 08:29:30 PM
I, for one, will chip in to have a 55 gallon drum of lube delivered to the honeymoon suite.
 
2012-09-19 08:29:39 PM
Good for them.
 
2012-09-19 08:30:54 PM
Something tells me the author's abstinence colon has had more meat in it over the years than their column.
 
2012-09-19 08:30:56 PM
Wow. Is she ever out of his league. And she didn't even know the sex was going to suck. Oh well, maybe next marriage.
 
2012-09-19 08:33:17 PM
Abstinence is for the ugly.
 
2012-09-19 08:36:40 PM
I'm so glad 4 weeks of marriage was everything she hoped and prayed it would be.
 
2012-09-19 08:37:52 PM
Turns out that people couldn't have been more wrong.  Looking back, I think that the women saying those things felt like the floozies they ultimately were, and the men, with their fickle manhood tied to their pathetic sexual conquests, felt threatened.

Translation: I was an idiot for waiting.
 
2012-09-19 08:37:54 PM
Wow, this guy is one conceited prick. People don't insult you because of your abstinence, they insult you because your an insufferable asshole who can't spend two sentences without patting yourself on the back while simultaneously judging others.
 
2012-09-19 08:38:15 PM
Holy sh*t I want to punch this dude in the yam bag.
 
2012-09-19 08:38:48 PM
I wish them luck.
 
2012-09-19 08:39:37 PM

ami5000: Holy sh*t I want to punch this dude in the yam bag.


So he's a member of that group called everyone.
 
2012-09-19 08:39:40 PM
This guy is a moron.
 
2012-09-19 08:40:26 PM
Wait until after the wedding, when that dude figures out he can only come with three gerbils and a Dodge Dakota up his ass.
 
2012-09-19 08:40:57 PM

ami5000: Holy sh*t I want to punch this dude in the yam bag.


Five weeks ago that would have resulted in climax.
 
2012-09-19 08:41:14 PM

Ceteris Paribus says: So he's a member of that group called everyone.


Nah. I don't really want to punch many men in the balls. Most of you don't deserve that. He does.
 
2012-09-19 08:41:32 PM

ami5000: Holy sh*t I want to punch this dude in the yam bag.


Relax, he just got married. That's punishment enough.

/rimshot
 
2012-09-19 08:42:51 PM

ami5000: Ceteris Paribus says: So he's a member of that group called everyone.

Nah. I don't really want to punch many men in the balls. Most of you don't deserve that. He does.


This is the worst f*cking day ever.

First I find out that Santa isn't real, and now this!
 
2012-09-19 08:43:04 PM
Do you, Pronounced Clavicles, take Helmet Head to be your lawfully wedded husband?

If so say I d...GOD NO STOP IT HURTS! 
 
2012-09-19 08:45:43 PM
It's good that this guy has the outlet of a blog to fully express his insecurities and regrets over his life choices for the world to see. It's healthy to get that shiat out of your system.
 
2012-09-19 08:47:42 PM
FTA: "We did it right."

I'm so pleased to learn the rest of us did it wrong.
 
2012-09-19 08:49:17 PM

megalynn44: I'm so pleased to learn the rest of us did it wrong.


Floozies, all of us.
 
2012-09-19 08:49:18 PM
Y'know, my hubs may have shacked up with me for a year before we were married...and he may have farked me every which way and sideways before we were married -- but I can tell you this --

He didn't write a farking column about it and share my defilement with the world.

/douchey dickwad
//i've had a bad couple of days
 
2012-09-19 08:51:52 PM
I am not surprised at how many dirty, filthy premarital fornicators there are on this website.
 
2012-09-19 08:52:13 PM
The schaedenfreude will flow like like a dam burst when this asshole's marriage inevitably fails.
 
2012-09-19 08:53:09 PM
Wow. I'm continuing to read and am ready to strangle this little shiat.
 
2012-09-19 08:53:22 PM
Just wait until he finds out the only way she can get in the mood is when he puts on blackface and calls her a ho.
 
2012-09-19 08:53:58 PM
I just want to assure the happy couple that it's perfectly natural for your husband to have no interest in sex with you, especially if he's gay as a three dollar bill.
 
2012-09-19 08:55:27 PM
I did it. Waited til I was married. Worst. Decision. Ever. It impacted everything leading up to my marriage. Had I just gotten it over with back in high school, I'd have gone many a different path in life.

Dear Fox News Person,

You are an idiot.
 
2012-09-19 08:55:42 PM
There better not be any birth control going on, or pleasure of any kind. Unless you are trying to knock her up keep it in your pants!
 
2012-09-19 08:56:37 PM
GREEN
 
2012-09-19 08:57:34 PM
Steven Crowder is a comedian and Fox News contributor

Um, you can be one or the other, but not both.
 
2012-09-19 08:58:00 PM

alienated: Steven Crowder is a comedian and Fox News contributor

Um, you can be one or the other, but not both.


He's certainly not a comedian.
 
2012-09-19 08:58:39 PM

ami5000: alienated: Steven Crowder is a comedian and Fox News contributor

Um, you can be one or the other, but not both.

He's certainly not a comedian.


I don't know about that. I'm laughing at him.
 
2012-09-19 08:59:36 PM

Ceteris Paribus says: Abstinence is for the ugly.


I know at least one person who you can't call anything but cute that disproves that.
 
2012-09-19 08:59:55 PM

WTF Indeed: I don't know about that. I'm laughing at him.


That's just because your manhood is threatened.
 
jbc [TotalFark]
2012-09-19 09:01:32 PM

WTF Indeed: ami5000: alienated: Steven Crowder is a comedian and Fox News contributor

Um, you can be one or the other, but not both.

He's certainly not a comedian.

I don't know about that. I'm laughing at him.


Yes, but only in the same way people laugh at Tyler Perry.
 
2012-09-19 09:02:58 PM

Nadie_AZ: I did it. Waited til I was married. Worst. Decision. Ever. It impacted everything leading up to my marriage. Had I just gotten it over with back in high school, I'd have gone many a different path in life.

Dear Fox News Person,

You are an idiot.


A good friend of mine is still married to his third wife. She waited until she was married to have sex for the first time. The divorce was practically assured the day after the wedding.
 
2012-09-19 09:03:24 PM

jbc: WTF Indeed: ami5000: alienated: Steven Crowder is a comedian and Fox News contributor

Um, you can be one or the other, but not both.

He's certainly not a comedian.

I don't know about that. I'm laughing at him.

Yes, but only in the same way people laugh at Tyler Perry.


I imagine at this point even black people are sick of Tyler Perry and would like him to go do stereotypes elsewhere.
 
2012-09-19 09:05:12 PM
FTFA: When people do marriage right, they don't complain so much, and so their voices are silenced by the rabble of promiscuous charlatans, peddling their pathetic world view as "progressive."

What matters most in a relationship is whether the two people love each other and that they treat each other well. How pretty your SO is and how much sex you have is a bonus on top of that. This guy spent the entire article 1.) complaining about other people, 2.) bragging about the physical appearance of his wife, 3.) bragging about his own "accomplishment"/peddling his world view. None of those things has any bearing on the quality of his relationship or how "good" of a person is and run completely contrary to his quote I highlighted.

I guess my point is, I am glad he works for Fox News and hopefully he isn't allowed to work from home and has to be at their offices as much as possible.
 
2012-09-19 09:07:12 PM
The one friend of mine who waited for marriage was divorced in 7 months.
 
2012-09-19 09:11:41 PM
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-09-19 09:13:31 PM

bojon: I wish them luck.


Why? We're not all counting on them.
 
2012-09-19 09:13:38 PM
Based on the picture of the "happy" couple, she chose abstinence.. and he had it forced upon him.
 
2012-09-19 09:14:08 PM
I courted, shacked up (in order to work and get each other through college), and banged my wife for 9 years before we got married.
/married 22 years
 
2012-09-19 09:15:12 PM

King Something: bojon: I wish them luck.

Why? We're not all counting on them.


No kidding. They obviously forgot Nacho Grande.
 
2012-09-19 09:15:15 PM

King Something: bojon: I wish them luck.

Why? We're not all counting on them.


They will need it.
 
2012-09-19 09:18:37 PM
Narrow-minded, tradition-based, dogmatic, ritualistic thinking aside, I just don't understand why people wouldn't test drive each other. You test drive everything else, and what you can't test drive, you demand a liberal refund policy on. Why would these people think this would be a good idea?

/I love raining on parades!
 
2012-09-19 09:24:31 PM
Who's taking bets on how long this lasts?
 
2012-09-19 09:26:41 PM
Wow, that guy's one flaming bag of self-righteous douche. I'm pretty sure women shouldn't let one of those anywhere near their vaginas.
 
2012-09-19 09:34:30 PM

Methadone Girls: Who's taking bets on how long this lasts?


It is pretty obvious he is protesting a bit much. His joy at staying a virgin comes off as strained.

And of course avoiding premarital sex isn't going to help his marriage survive. I don't know what the statistics are, but I'm pretty confident that withholding sex until marriage doesn't make you any more likely to stay together.
 
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