If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(IndyStar)   Just so you know, guys can get pretty angry if you try to stop them from masturbating   (indystar.com) divider line 79
    More: Obvious, Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department, Mooresville, North Side, Central Indiana, rage  
•       •       •

14381 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Sep 2012 at 8:49 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



79 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2012-09-18 08:52:10 PM  
And now you know
 
2012-09-18 08:53:33 PM  

PacificaFitz: And now you know


www.atfmb.com
 
2012-09-18 08:54:03 PM  
ecx.images-amazon.com
Kevin don't mind.
 
2012-09-18 08:54:05 PM  
While it's happening maybe.

At the moment of completion, never.
 
2012-09-18 08:55:00 PM  
You might get strangled, pounded, choked or beaten.
 
2012-09-18 08:58:40 PM  
I don't believe the story. Sounds like a drug buy gone bad.
 
2012-09-18 08:59:36 PM  
cdn100.iofferphoto.com

Believe it... or not
 
2012-09-18 09:01:01 PM  
My old fart of a doctor retired and I got a new sexy woman doctor. One of the first things she said to me was that I had to stop masturbating.
I know right? That's what I asked, and she said
"Because I'm trying to examine you."
 
2012-09-18 09:01:11 PM  
you want to be the hero, you got to pay the price. people should mind their own damn business. live longer that way.
 
2012-09-18 09:02:18 PM  
After a while you just gotta say "I CAN'T FAP TO THIS'
 
2012-09-18 09:03:02 PM  
He punched through a front and back windshield with just his bare fist?
 
2012-09-18 09:04:40 PM  

Old_Fark: My old fart of a doctor retired and I got a new sexy woman doctor. One of the first things she said to me was that I had to stop masturbating.
I know right? That's what I asked, and she said
"Because I'm trying to examine you."


Try the veal?
 
2012-09-18 09:06:29 PM  

SnakeLee: He punched through a front and back windshield with just his bare fist?


He was probably on PCP. Broke every bone in his hand and wouldn't feel it for hours.
 
2012-09-18 09:06:31 PM  
Only stop a dude jacking off when driving a rental car. Lesson learned.
 
2012-09-18 09:06:35 PM  
if I masterbate angeraly doe it mattere if I RTFA?

/slahies go
 
2012-09-18 09:08:06 PM  
FTFA: "Everett was driving a rental car."

Reasons to get the rental insurance #342 - Masturbating lunatics.
 
2012-09-18 09:09:18 PM  
Gotta love the Hobby Lobby just tap. on the sidebar.
 
2012-09-18 09:09:38 PM  

SnakeLee: He punched through a front and back windshield with just his bare fist?


Who is he, Dhalsim?
 
2012-09-18 09:10:59 PM  

albatros183: if I masterbate angeraly doe it mattere if I RTFA?

/slahies go


Not really, but you may want to masturbate AFTER you post. Your one-handed typing is really showing
 
2012-09-18 09:12:40 PM  

Old_Fark: My old fart of a doctor retired and I got a new sexy woman doctor. One of the first things she said to me was that I had to stop masturbating.
I know right? That's what I asked, and she said
"Because I'm trying to examine you."


spb.fotolog.com

img94.imageshack.us
 
2012-09-18 09:12:42 PM  
FTA: "Everett told police he was trying to look out for the safety and sensibilities of the women."

This part of the article made me chuckle.
 
2012-09-18 09:13:51 PM  

fusillade762: SnakeLee: He punched through a front and back windshield with just his bare fist?

He was probably on PCP. Broke every bone in his hand and wouldn't feel it for hours.


There was this guy once, you see this scar?
 
2012-09-18 09:15:41 PM  

katemonster: FTFA: "Everett was driving a rental car."

Reasons to get the rental insurance #342 - Masturbating lunatics.


I don't think you'd actually be responsible, would you? It isn't a moving violation, and it doesn't seem like something that would be covered by collision or liability. It is an act of vandalism by a known party. Wouldn't they just pull the cash out of Mr. Fappy's ass?
 
2012-09-18 09:20:45 PM  
I think we should put the driver of the car on some sort of sex registry for being involved in an altercation involving public masturbation.
 
2012-09-18 09:20:47 PM  

fusillade762: SnakeLee: He punched through a front and back windshield with just his bare fist?

He was probably on PCP. Broke every bone in his hand and wouldn't feel it for hours.


That's my guess. The human body is capable of some amazing things when it's not worrying about trivialities like its own well-being.
 
2012-09-18 09:21:01 PM  
Why is it that I never get to be the lucky one that gets to see a dude jerking off in public? Is there no God? Does he have no mercy?
 
2012-09-18 09:21:54 PM  
Somebody DARED to interrupt me when I was masturbating once. ONCE. I cut off their head...WITH MY DICK. And there was blood EVERYWHERE. Because I'm a MAAAADMAAANN!
 
2012-09-18 09:22:13 PM  

fusillade762: SnakeLee: He punched through a front and back windshield with just his bare fist?

He was probably on PCP. Broke every bone in his hand and wouldn't feel it for hours.


I broke a collarbone while drunk and didn't feel it until I tried to get out of bed the next morning.

/not a movie reference, but true
 
2012-09-18 09:23:53 PM  
DOESN"T ANYBODY KNOCK ANYMORE?
 
2012-09-18 09:25:02 PM  
A note to anybody who might attempt to stop a man from masturbating. The most favorable outcome is typically achieved by repeatedly guiding the masturbating man's penis inside your mouth, whilst tenderly caressing his testicles with one of your hands.
 
2012-09-18 09:25:37 PM  

fusillade762: SnakeLee: He punched through a front and back windshield with just his bare fist?

He was probably on PCP. Broke every bone in his hand and wouldn't feel it for hours.


i486.photobucket.com
"Yo MAMA"
 
2012-09-18 09:29:05 PM  
if they just let me finish, there would have been no need for violence
 
2012-09-18 09:29:25 PM  
Old school: cock block
New digs: wait to 'bate
 
2012-09-18 09:33:32 PM  
"Everett told police he was trying to look out for the safety and sensibilities of the women."

If the sensibilities of the women involved were about to be ruined by the sight of a guy jerking it, they need much, much more protection than he could ever reasonably provide.
 
2012-09-18 09:34:10 PM  

fusillade762: SnakeLee: He punched through a front and back windshield with just his bare fist?

He was probably on PCP. Broke every bone in his hand and wouldn't feel it for hours.


Man masturbating.

Masturbating involves having a dick in your hand.

Dick is probably erect.

Erect dicks are called boners, or bones.

"Broke every bone in his hand"

OUCH.
 
2012-09-18 09:41:01 PM  

Old_Fark: My old fart of a doctor retired and I got a new sexy woman doctor. One of the first things she said to me was that I had to stop masturbating.
I know right? That's what I asked, and she said
"Because I'm trying to examine you."


Niiiiiiice hadn't heard that before
 
2012-09-18 09:41:20 PM  

illannoyin: While it's happening maybe.

At the moment of completion, never.


Unless they say "Stop masturbating... Let me help".

Then you know you're in a porn movie.
 
2012-09-18 09:41:30 PM  
Everett was driving a rental car.

My favorite part of the whole story.
 
2012-09-18 09:46:19 PM  
Brings new meaning to the saying, "Shove this in your pipe and smoke it."
 
2012-09-18 09:47:13 PM  
Dude was white knighting for a three way. Neither guy is coming to the battle with clean hands.
/pun intended.
//wait he didn't finish...neveryoumind
 
2012-09-18 09:49:32 PM  
Oh, we all masturbate.

I even do it at work sometimes.

Of course the kids on the bus I drive get a little upset...
 
2012-09-18 09:50:39 PM  

halB: fusillade762: SnakeLee: He punched through a front and back windshield with just his bare fist?

He was probably on PCP. Broke every bone in his hand and wouldn't feel it for hours.

Man masturbating.

Masturbating involves having a dick in your hand.

Dick is probably erect.

Erect dicks are called boners, or bones.

"Broke every bone in his hand"

OUCH.


that took to much to get so little
 
2012-09-18 09:51:27 PM  

MrHappyRotter: Why is it that I never get to be the lucky one that gets to see a dude jerking off in public? Is there no God? Does he have no mercy?


Do you want to see a drunk old balding dude with paunch beating off in public while staring in the window of the apartment directly below mine at 7:30am? I got the pleasure of seeing that when I lived in my old place in Petersburg.
 
2012-09-18 09:54:45 PM  
FTFA: "He told the girls to get in the car," the report states, "and as they attempted to leave the suspect jumped in front of the car and struck the front window with his fist causing it to break.

People.... if a man attacks you, you try to flee the scene, and he then proceeds to jump in front of your car..... hit him!
 
2012-09-18 09:56:03 PM  

Old_Fark: My old fart of a doctor retired and I got a new sexy woman doctor. One of the first things she said to me was that I had to stop masturbating.
I know right? That's what I asked, and she said
"Because I'm trying to examine you."


I just laughed aloud in public, thank you very much. :)
 
2012-09-18 09:57:15 PM  

halB: fusillade762: SnakeLee: He punched through a front and back windshield with just his bare fist?

He was probably on PCP. Broke every bone in his hand and wouldn't feel it for hours.

Man masturbating.

Masturbating involves having a dick in your hand.

Dick is probably erect.

Erect dicks are called boners, or bones.

"Broke every bone in his hand"

OUCH.


media.giantbomb.com
 
2012-09-18 10:00:54 PM  
fusillade762
He was probably on PCP. Broke every bone in his hand and wouldn't feel it for hours.

I wouldn't want to be his penis.
 
2012-09-18 10:01:27 PM  

Do_Not_Want: MrHappyRotter: Why is it that I never get to be the lucky one that gets to see a dude jerking off in public? Is there no God? Does he have no mercy?

Do you want to see a drunk old balding dude with paunch beating off in public while staring in the window of the apartment directly below mine at 7:30am? I got the pleasure of seeing that when I lived in my old place in Petersburg.


In college the dorms were separated by train tracks. Not "other side of the tracks," But an actual track running between two high-rise buildings. Anyway, some guy across the track always jerked off when a train went by. I know this because he left his curtains open and definitely appeared to be showing off as he feverishly went at it whenever a train horn sounded. I know that people are into some different sh*t, but the sound of a train?

Whatever. He amused everyone at my parties. "10:30 train! Who wants to see something weird!?"
 
2012-09-18 10:05:59 PM  
i291.photobucket.com

I detect masturbatory overtones....
 
2012-09-18 10:11:11 PM  
This thread makes me feel all warm and fuzzy in my pants.
 
2012-09-18 10:24:31 PM  
Even if my wife inturups me mid stroke, butt nakid with knee pads I get IRATE !!!

But that's how I roll!
 
2012-09-18 10:25:43 PM  
No Idiocracy? For shame!
t3.gstatic.com
 
2012-09-18 10:34:17 PM  

MrHappyRotter: Why is it that I never get to be the lucky one that gets to see a dude jerking off in public? Is there no God? Does he have no mercy?


Maybe you should have been Ricky's mom in the 70s?
 
2012-09-18 10:45:23 PM  

MrHappyRotter: Why is it that I never get to be the lucky one that gets to see a dude jerking off in public? Is there no God? Does he have no mercy?


Usually the dudes you see masturbating in public are not the ones you really want to see masturbating in public.
 
2012-09-18 10:49:23 PM  
just watch
 
2012-09-18 10:57:49 PM  
Any man who can repeatedly drive his fists through a moving motor vehicle while simultaneously masturbating can drink from my canteen anytime.
 
2012-09-18 11:03:01 PM  

PacificaFitz: halB: fusillade762: SnakeLee: He punched through a front and back windshield with just his bare fist?

He was probably on PCP. Broke every bone in his hand and wouldn't feel it for hours.

Man masturbating.

Masturbating involves having a dick in your hand.

Dick is probably erect.

Erect dicks are called boners, or bones.

"Broke every bone in his hand"

OUCH.

that took to much to get so little


WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT ME?! THIS IS WHY I DO PCP!
 
2012-09-18 11:13:49 PM  
Guy trying to white knight for women fails horribly. If a guy is jacking off and he isn't actively bothering anyone, then leave him alone. Only act if he goes right in front of you and masturbates for YOUR viewing.
 
2012-09-18 11:19:55 PM  

tb tibbles: Usually the dudes you see masturbating in public are not the ones you really want to see masturbating in public.


You know, even if I was gay, and it was an incredibly hot dude, I still can't see some guy whacking it being a turn-on to watch. Even girlfapping doesn't hold much appeal for me. Someone giving someone else a handjob is arousing, but watching some girl/guy get themselves off... meh.
 
2012-09-18 11:23:15 PM  

Thresher: No Idiocracy? For shame!
[t3.gstatic.com image 175x110]


came for this. leaving satisfied.
 
2012-09-18 11:31:34 PM  
You can have my penis when you pry it from my cold, dead, fingers.

/Cold, dead, sticky fingers.
 
2012-09-18 11:31:52 PM  
Yes! Yes we do.
 
2012-09-18 11:32:55 PM  
When you cause someone their blue balls expect to get black and blue in the face.
 
2012-09-18 11:42:04 PM  
Jerk
 
2012-09-18 11:45:35 PM  
Seldom do we see white-knighting backfire so gloriously.
 
2012-09-19 12:07:26 AM  
Someone jumps in front of your car, you don't stop. 4,000 lbs of steel beats rock, scissors, and paper.
 
2012-09-19 12:23:55 AM  
Stop! Stop! If you interrupt the mating dance, the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad!
 
2012-09-19 12:26:48 AM  
guy goes to see a doctor, doctor takes one look at him and says, very seriously

"Sir, you're going to have to stop masturbating"

Guy say "Wow, Doc... why?"

"Because you're in my office, that's why"
 
2012-09-19 12:49:13 AM  
Fappus interuptus?
 
2012-09-19 12:52:31 AM  

Hop-Frog: Fappus interuptusinterruptus?


/fixed
 
2012-09-19 01:44:06 AM  
Maybe I'm just paranoid, but what if Ore-Ida is some creepy demon lovechild of Oregon and Idaho. What then?

I think that was my point.
 
2012-09-19 01:55:04 AM  
was he still erect while hulk smashing the windows?
 
2012-09-19 04:02:20 AM  
Basically, the guy with the girls was upset because the peter-whacker had a bigger dick.
 
2012-09-19 04:28:46 AM  
Everett was driving a rental car.

The guy smashed up his rental car, huh? I bet that Hertz.
 
2012-09-19 05:23:58 AM  

Thresher: No Idiocracy? For shame!
[t3.gstatic.com image 175x110]


Dammit, you beat me.
 
2012-09-19 09:43:11 AM  
autopsybeverage
The guy smashed up his rental car, huh? I bet that Hertz.

The Dollar made him holler
 
2012-09-19 10:38:57 AM  
Agent: Alright. We have a blue Ford Escort for you Mr. Seinfeld. Would you
like insurance?

Jerry: Yeah, you better give me the insurance, because I am gonna beat the hell
out of this car.
 
2012-09-19 10:46:02 AM  
 
2012-09-19 08:17:00 PM  

SquiggsIN: yph: Even girlfapping doesn't hold much appeal for me.

you lie!


Nope. farking machines can be somewhat interesting, if just from a WTF perspective more than a boom-chicka-wow-wow one, but pretty much any kind of solo pr0n just leaves me cold.
 
Displayed 79 of 79 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report