Burglars join litany of musicians who have stolen from Chuck Berry, Monica Lewinsky's tell-all book sure to be a mouthful, and US credit downgraded to "redneck lottery winner": some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/9 - 9/15
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-09-18 11:35:37 AM (4 comments) | Permalink
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Still gearing up for the annual Headline of the Year contest, but here are some good headlines from last week.
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-09-09 to Sat 2012-09-15:
Former NBA star Yao Ming shines a spotlight on poaching, wishes people would quit shooting tranquilizers at him while screaming "YETI"
Japanese government maps out special support network for stranded commuters in event of rush-hour disaster like earthquake or monster assault. Step 1: get out of the car; a monster is likely to stomp on it
Man to sing "God Bless the USA" 911 times on 9/11, releasing the Giuliani from its slumber
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider, who sat down beside her, and in rushed the EPA
Tropical storm Leslie speeding towards Newfoundland, although don't be counting on too much TV coverage - the Neilsen ratings won't be that great. It's an entirely different kind of landfall altogether
World's oldest man dies at age 122, attributed longevity to no women, alcohol, tobacco, or any of the other things that made life worth living
Article on Michigan's "super drunks" includes high-score list. Life begins at 0.40
Australian newspaper starts petition to make Twitter stop people being mean online. For Twitter users, a newspaper is like a picture of a web site that has been squirted onto the mashed-up, dried corpse of a tree
South Africa Dealing with Miner Threats. Wait, I thought they broke up in the 80's?
Hallmark says that Monday is "National Stay Away From Seattle Day". What, as opposed to the other 364 days in the year?
If your boyfriend's idea of a makeup gift is 1.5 tons of hay he stole from a neighbor's field, you should probably consider baling
Oh, I'm afraid Peyton Manning will be quite operational when your friends arrive
Antonio Smith fined $21K for kicking Incognito, evidently not very well since they knew it was him
NFL memo congratulates replacement officials on "a successful week one," goes on to explain that whole "line of scrimmage" concept
Hubble spots galaxy that shouldn't exist. Apple asks judge to take it off the market
The shiniest living thing is a fruit which offers no nutritional value or satisfaction. It's the Kim Kardashian of fruit
Mars rover Curiosity has a 1909 penny on board, just to confuse the hell out of future space archaeologists
Michael Madsen arrested for DUI after breathing a .20, or as he calls it "breathing"
Monica Lewinsky may be writing a tell-all book, reportedly has loads of stories, can give you a mouthful
Every guitar player has stolen from Chuck Berry. Correction - make that every guitar player and three burglars
Pre-existing conditions are hard for the GOP. They're the center of the Venn Diagram of "People Ayn Rand Said To Ignore" and "People Jesus Said To Help"
GOP to Romney: You're so vague, we prominently think your stance is now past due
Ron Paul: 9/11 attacks would not have happened if I was president, understood subjunctive verbs
Zuckerburg, "Wall Street is underestimating Facebook." Hey, even Wall Street fell for the "tap water in a bottle" scam, so maybe he's got a point
Chicago's teacher's union says the two sides are "kilometers apart". Parents complain that it's finally time to get off the metric system
US Credit rating downgraded to Redneck Lottery Winner
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