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Burglars join litany of musicians who have stolen from Chuck Berry, Monica Lewinsky's tell-all book sure to be a mouthful, and US credit downgraded to "redneck lottery winner": some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/9 - 9/15 
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-09-18 11:35:37 AM (4 comments) | Permalink

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1543 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Sep 2012 at 11:41 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Still gearing up for the annual Headline of the Year contest, but here are some good headlines from last week.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-09-09 to Sat 2012-09-15:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Former NBA star Yao Ming shines a spotlight on poaching, wishes people would quit shooting tranquilizers at him while screaming "YETI"    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Japanese government maps out special support network for stranded commuters in event of rush-hour disaster like earthquake or monster assault. Step 1: get out of the car; a monster is likely to stomp on it    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Man to sing "God Bless the USA" 911 times on 9/11, releasing the Giuliani from its slumber    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider, who sat down beside her, and in rushed the EPA    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Tropical storm Leslie speeding towards Newfoundland, although don't be counting on too much TV coverage - the Neilsen ratings won't be that great. It's an entirely different kind of landfall altogether    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  World's oldest man dies at age 122, attributed longevity to no women, alcohol, tobacco, or any of the other things that made life worth living    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Article on Michigan's "super drunks" includes high-score list. Life begins at 0.40    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Australian newspaper starts petition to make Twitter stop people being mean online. For Twitter users, a newspaper is like a picture of a web site that has been squirted onto the mashed-up, dried corpse of a tree    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  South Africa Dealing with Miner Threats. Wait, I thought they broke up in the 80's?    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Hallmark says that Monday is "National Stay Away From Seattle Day". What, as opposed to the other 364 days in the year?    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  If your boyfriend's idea of a makeup gift is 1.5 tons of hay he stole from a neighbor's field, you should probably consider baling    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Sports:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Oh, I'm afraid Peyton Manning will be quite operational when your friends arrive    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Antonio Smith fined $21K for kicking Incognito, evidently not very well since they knew it was him    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  NFL memo congratulates replacement officials on "a successful week one," goes on to explain that whole "line of scrimmage" concept    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Geek:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Hubble spots galaxy that shouldn't exist. Apple asks judge to take it off the market    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  The shiniest living thing is a fruit which offers no nutritional value or satisfaction. It's the Kim Kardashian of fruit    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Mars rover Curiosity has a 1909 penny on board, just to confuse the hell out of future space archaeologists    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Entertainment:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Michael Madsen arrested for DUI after breathing a .20, or as he calls it "breathing"    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Monica Lewinsky may be writing a tell-all book, reportedly has loads of stories, can give you a mouthful    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Every guitar player has stolen from Chuck Berry. Correction - make that every guitar player and three burglars    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Politics:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Pre-existing conditions are hard for the GOP. They're the center of the Venn Diagram of "People Ayn Rand Said To Ignore" and "People Jesus Said To Help"    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  GOP to Romney: You're so vague, we prominently think your stance is now past due    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Ron Paul: 9/11 attacks would not have happened if I was president, understood subjunctive verbs    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Business:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Zuckerburg, "Wall Street is underestimating Facebook." Hey, even Wall Street fell for the "tap water in a bottle" scam, so maybe he's got a point    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Chicago's teacher's union says the two sides are "kilometers apart". Parents complain that it's finally time to get off the metric system    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  US Credit rating downgraded to Redneck Lottery Winner    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]
· · ·
(view entire blog)


4 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2012-09-18 11:45:51 AM  
Awww, I was hoping my "Lybia, boy I dunno" headline would've made it for the Politics tab

/still have my "t-bird baby" one from last week
 
2012-09-18 11:46:28 AM  
crap, Libya

/curse you Freudian slips and not previewing!!!
 
2012-09-18 11:51:49 AM  
>Oh, I'm afraid Peyton Manning will be quite operational when your friends arrive

Obviously someone in Atlanta took out the shield generator.
 
2012-09-18 05:38:42 PM  
Meh.
But 'Pre-existing conditions are hard for the GOP. They're the center of the Venn Diagram of "People Ayn Rand Said To Ignore" and "People Jesus Said To Help"' will be finding its way into my closet in t-shirt form. :D
 
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