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(CBS News)   480 pound inmate on death-row says he's too fat to be executed, claiming any attempt to execute him will result in serious physical and psychological pain, involving a "torturous and lingering death"   (cbsnews.com) divider line 182
    More: Asinine, death row, psychological pain, federal public defender, gastric bypass surgery, fats, death penalty, federal courts, prisons  
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6807 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Sep 2012 at 6:20 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-18 11:46:58 AM

Jim_Callahan: Most "medieval torture devices" have turned out to be either active frauds (iron maiden) or dramatic mistakes by archaeologists (usually, entertainingly, misidentification of what are intended to be medical devices, my personal favorite being what was thought to be a metal gag for gossipy women that eventually turned up in documentation as an attempt to cure male incontinence-- they not only got the target gender wrong, they called the wrong end of the body). Not that medieval society wasn't plagued by an overabundance of dicks, but they weren't as capriciously cruel as history has felt a need to make them out to be. If it was judged that you needed killing, you were just killed, if you were tortured, it was the usual fire, water and sharp things routine that's popular in the third world today for the most part.


Thank you for making all that up. Now read this.
 
2012-09-18 11:52:47 AM

durbnpoisn: I am SO for the death penalty. But only in cases where it's clearly obvious, and there is no doubt whatsoever of the guilt in the matter. Like, for instance... The guy who shot up all those people at a Bat Man movie. They know it was him. Give him his fair trial, then take him out back and put a bullet through his head. Better yet, let one of the victim's relatives pull the trigger.


Well who would be the judge of what clearly obvious is?
 
2012-09-18 11:55:32 AM

xanadian: Honestly: I'm not big on the death penalty, but I'm A-OK with exile. Find some deserted island with no chance for escape and drop him on it.


If they do it from 30,000 feet and he lives, his sentence is repealed and he's free to go.

For crissake, for as stupid as Wipeout is/was, this would be a better TV show.
 
2012-09-18 11:57:01 AM

Klaumbaz: Why don't they just put his ass on a track, and tell him to run a mile...problem cures it'self.


Chase him with a steamroller?

I remember reading about an anti-death penalty lawmaker in Alabama in the '70s. He proposed that if the state was going to execute anyone, that lottery tickets would be issued much like jury duty to enough citizens to fill the University of Alabama football stadium (attendance mandatory), and that the execution be performed by tying strong ropes to the executee's extremities, and using four tractors to quarter said miscreant.
 
2012-09-18 11:57:41 AM
3 missionaries were captured by a very angry native tribe, and were ordered to stand trial before the tribal chief. The chief says to the first one "You have been found guilty. Being a compassionate people, we will let you choose between death and ooga booga". The defendant figures anything is better than death, so he opts for ooga booga and is promptly gang-raped by 30 tribesmen. The second missionary hesitantly opts for ooga booga as well, and the sentence is carried out. The third guy declares "Death is better than that. I opt for death!" So the chief intones "I then sentence you to death -- by ooga booga"

/Sorry, but there are about 3 people who haven't heard that one.
 
2012-09-18 11:58:35 AM

durbnpoisn: I'm only referring to the black and white, obvious ones.


That's a line that's not as easy to draw as one would first think. The Batman guy, sure....but where is the line drawn? I'm still not comfortable with my government strapping anyone helpless to a table and murdering them, for whatever reason. I know, "What if it were your sister or mother...well yeah, I would kill them if I could. That doesn't mean my personal vengeance is right or that I want my government to be in the vengeance game.
 
2012-09-18 12:02:02 PM
Mugato, you're my favorite FARKer. When the situation requires humor, you bring the "Funny". When it's "serious thread" time, you gift us with the "Smart".

/seriously
 
2012-09-18 12:02:16 PM

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: durbnpoisn: I am SO for the death penalty. But only in cases where it's clearly obvious, and there is no doubt whatsoever of the guilt in the matter. Like, for instance... The guy who shot up all those people at a Bat Man movie. They know it was him. Give him his fair trial, then take him out back and put a bullet through his head. Better yet, let one of the victim's relatives pull the trigger.

Well who would be the judge of what clearly obvious is?


While in the case of the Batman movie shooting your question is so seriously insipid as to be automatically ignored...you don't have a judge deciding what is obvious. You codify it into law. Such as, if you're apprehended at the scene with the murder weapon and there is electronic recordings that ID you as the killer...that's obvious. You walk into a place like a motel lobby and shoot the clerk and it's on videotape...that's obvious. You have like a gazillion eyewitnesses who ID you immediately after the act...that's obvious.

Perhaps what's better is to acquire a dictionary and look up the word "obvious". There are some crimes for which there is no real need for anything more than a perfunctory trial. And I said "some" there. Not all. Just some.
 
2012-09-18 12:17:28 PM

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: Mugato, you're my favorite FARKer. When the situation requires humor, you bring the "Funny". When it's "serious thread" time, you gift us with the "Smart".

/seriously


Dude, I'm not going to trade identities with you. I'm inside for insurance fraud. You're on death row for....my God, those poor meerkats. You evil...sigh. Okay. Cup the balls this time and I'll think about it.
 
2012-09-18 12:27:20 PM

Mugato: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: Mugato, you're my favorite FARKer. When the situation requires humor, you bring the "Funny". When it's "serious thread" time, you gift us with the "Smart".

/seriously

Dude, I'm not going to trade identities with you. I'm inside for insurance fraud. You're on death row for....my God, those poor meerkats. You evil...sigh. Okay. Cup the balls this time and I'll think about it.


i.qkme.me
 
2012-09-18 12:30:07 PM
In 2008, federal courts rejected arguments by condemned double-killer Richard Cooey that he was too obese to die by injection. Cooey's attorneys had argued that prison food and limited opportunities to exercise contributed to a weight problem that would make it difficult for the execution team to find a viable vein for lethal injection.

My brother was in prison for about four months back in 2001. He lost about 40 pounds; he said breakfast was oatmeal and lunch was generally something like bologna sandwiches, with no cheese. Also there is not much else to do than work out in your own cell.

/maybe this guy's prison is different than Cook County.
//brother gained the weight back in a similar amount of time.
 
2012-09-18 12:41:36 PM

BronyMedic: Pants full of macaroni!!: serious physical and psychological pain, involving a "torturous and lingering death"

Um, isn't that kinda the point?

Uh, no. That went out of vogue in the 17th century. The whole reason for execution is to remove a heinous individual from society, who has no hope of rehabilitation or repentance.

The only problem is, it costs a shiatload more than imprisoning them, and our system is immensely biased in terms of socioeconomic disparity and race when handing out death sentences.


Why do you have to bring the truth into such a fun thread?
 
2012-09-18 12:42:39 PM
Would it be ironic if he was granted a stay of execution, but then died of a massive heart attack the next day? Or is that more of a black fly in the chardonnay thing?
 
2012-09-18 01:01:05 PM

craig328: You codify it into law. Such as, if you're apprehended at the scene with the murder weapon and there is electronic recordings that ID you as the killer...that's obvious. You walk into a place like a motel lobby and shoot the clerk and it's on videotape...that's obvious. You have like a gazillion eyewitnesses who ID you immediately after the act...that's obvious.


Would you codify into law every possible instance in which something could be obvious or would it be a system based on points, where each eye witness is worth a certain amount, apprehended at the scene with the murder weapon is another bunch, and if you reach a certain threshold, you're automatically guilty? I don't think you're giving enough credit to how difficult it would be to codify into law the "painfully obvious."
 
2012-09-18 01:29:22 PM

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: craig328: You codify it into law. Such as, if you're apprehended at the scene with the murder weapon and there is electronic recordings that ID you as the killer...that's obvious. You walk into a place like a motel lobby and shoot the clerk and it's on videotape...that's obvious. You have like a gazillion eyewitnesses who ID you immediately after the act...that's obvious.

Would you codify into law every possible instance in which something could be obvious or would it be a system based on points, where each eye witness is worth a certain amount, apprehended at the scene with the murder weapon is another bunch, and if you reach a certain threshold, you're automatically guilty? I don't think you're giving enough credit to how difficult it would be to codify into law the "painfully obvious."


Given that you quoted them I just assumed you read the series of examples I suggested for what would qualify as "obvious". And yes, codifying each possible instance of what evidence qualifies as obvious is what would be required. Your points definition is your abortion. I get that since you disagree with the concept that you'd try and frame it in the most unflattering manner possible but the concept didn't mention such inanities. It simply means that in cases where the perpetrator is caught at the scene and there is zero doubt as to who did it, there needs to be an expedited system of trial and sentence.

We adjust sentencing penalties with concepts like "aggravated" and "premeditated" so such qualifiers are not foreign to the law. Perhaps you've heard the term "In flagrante delicto". It would be a legal definition of what qualifies for that.
 
2012-09-18 01:41:31 PM
Just pull out his heart plug.
 
2012-09-18 01:47:20 PM
what is this going to mean for our plan to kill all the fat people first?

crap, did I say that out loud?
 
2012-09-18 01:50:45 PM

craig328: And yes, codifying each possible instance of what evidence qualifies as obvious is what would be required.


1. A hotel clerk is murdered, and the perpetrator is visible only from that odd isometric security feed. A man is later picked up wearing the same clothes, same build, and who looks almost exactly like the guy on the tape, but it's hard to tell from the angle. Expedite the trial and sentencing?

1.a Same basic situation, but the perpetrator is wearing a mask on tape. He's picked up later outside not wearing the mask. Expedite the trial and sentencing?

2. A man is found in his living room by the police, surrounded by his dismembered family, and covered in blood. He's holding a bloody carving knife and laughing. Expedite the trial and sentencing?

2.a Same basic situation, but the man is holding the bloody carving knife and crying. Expedite the trial and sentencing?

3. A man in full armor shoots up a movie theater, killing dozens. He's tackled by police at the scene. However his identity is only revealed after police take him into custody and remove the mask. Expedite the trial and sentencing?

3.a Same basic situation, but the man's face is uncovered, and at one point looks into the security camera, gives his name, address, and social security number. Expedite the trial and sentencing?
 
2012-09-18 01:57:17 PM
There are a million ways to get around this, but very few of them have been adequately tested and certified. You could, for example, just hook them up to a high flow IV with a pint of morphine and come back in an hour or two and they'd be dead...but that isn't the approved method. You could even just give them 10x more regular execution chemicals than you calculate are necessary for his weight just to make sure, but that isn't an approved method. The idea is that there has to be some kind of approved method for it.

I don't see why the method is so complex as it is. You give someone a pint of morphine, they're going to die. No if ands or buts. You could even sweeten the deal by letting them do a couple of shots with their friends/family before hand to say their goodbyes. Maybe a Xanax or two for the anxiety.
 
2012-09-18 02:01:25 PM
Guillotine: 15 seconds of consciousness.

Heck, with that much blubber, the blade will be well-greased too.
 
2012-09-18 02:28:39 PM
Intraosseous line: problem solved!

Proceed with the execution.
 
2012-09-18 03:01:20 PM
Solution:
images1.hellotrade.com
Just toss him in with the couch.

/Fark your couch, nubian
 
2012-09-18 04:01:50 PM
He murdered someone over 30 years ago, and has spent most of the time in between in jail. H ways 480 pounds? Why are we feeding prisoners enough for 3 people?

upload.wikimedia.org

/there is a simple solution
 
2012-09-18 04:11:47 PM
How about an old favorite?
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wik ipedia /commons/thumb/8/83/Garrote_Exec u tion_-_1901.png/220px-Garrote_Executio n_-_1901.png
/Sorry HTML fail
 
2012-09-18 04:18:20 PM
It's not the first time - Mitchell Rupe tried that one in WA State a long time ago
 
2012-09-18 05:47:46 PM

Nick Nostril: [imageshack.us image 596x504]

Have your pick. Any one of them is sure to do the job. I'm sure the victim's family would be happy to pay for one round.


those aren't bullets those are PENS
 
2012-09-18 06:12:09 PM
Wow. You get one shot at a life on this planet; one chance to see the world, experience love, achieve goals, etc.. He murders a woman while barely out of his teens then proceeds to eat so much prison glop and exercise so little over the course of 30 years of incarceration that he is now unable to move and just lies down in a jail cell all day, contemplating the horror of being killed by the State.

God that makes me feel successful.
 
2012-09-18 06:26:51 PM
How about we just end the barbaric practice of murder by the state?

Even better, end it after one last round of murders. Kill every prosecutor, judge, jury person, governor, president, and prison official who has ever participated in one of these murders. And yes, that even includes every living member of the supreme court who hasn't tried to stop one of these murders.

/No, I don't really want to kill all those people.
//But they should all spend the rest of their lives in prison.
///Everyone in favor of murder by the state is a barbaric psychopath. Yes, if you're in favor of it, you too.
 
2012-09-18 06:28:37 PM
What the fark can he be eating in prison to maintain that sort of bulk? Especially on death row where you get little interaction with people? The prison could easily put him on a meal plan/liquid diet to lose weight.

The death pentalty is BS, the industrial prison complex (aka slave labor camps) are bullshiat.

We need a new system.
 
2012-09-18 06:55:48 PM
deadhomersociety.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-09-19 03:29:23 AM
I don't like capital punishment due to the surprisingly high numbers of innocents who have been discovered doing life or on death row.

The OBVIOUS ones, however, shouldn't get 30 years of appeals.

But I like the idea of exile. There should be an inescapable island to just dump them off upon, where they make it or break it on their own, with some basic supplies and no more state support.

The OBVIOUS ones. The non-obvious? Life without parole in case exonerating evidence comes to light. Do it the Pappilon way. An island of no escape.
 
2012-09-19 10:11:20 PM
3.bp.blogspot.com

I bet this method would work really well...
 
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