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(CBS News)   480 pound inmate on death-row says he's too fat to be executed, claiming any attempt to execute him will result in serious physical and psychological pain, involving a "torturous and lingering death"   (cbsnews.com) divider line 182
    More: Asinine, death row, psychological pain, federal public defender, gastric bypass surgery, fats, death penalty, federal courts, prisons  
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6821 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Sep 2012 at 6:20 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-18 07:02:24 AM  
Well you can't use the electric chair, since it may cause a grease fire.
 
2012-09-18 07:02:32 AM  
Simple, put him in a cell with a tap and a glass. Stop spending money on him now. When he is the right weight kill him.

/snark
 
2012-09-18 07:02:41 AM  

stoli n coke: Can't they just mash up a shiatload of sleeping pills into his last meal? He'll just think the gravy is extra lumpy.


Gonz: Seriously, though- can't we give this guy a cyanide pill or something?


I've an idea. Last meal, Almond chicken. Then the taste of the cyanide in the gravy on his mashed potatoes won't tip him off.
 
2012-09-18 07:03:53 AM  

TheBlackFlag: A shotgun with a slug, pressed up against the base of his skull would be quick and painless.


It would indeed. But would you really want to be the guy who pulls the trigger? I don't think I could, as much as I am in favour of the death penalty. I could flick a switch or pull a lever, but I think i lack the cahones to get up close to someone, point a rifle, and fire. Especially when that person poses no immediate threat to me.

You'd have to be one messed up person for that deed to NOT give you night terrors. And if that doesn't trouble you, then you're already farked up.
 
2012-09-18 07:05:28 AM  

BronyMedic: The only problem is, it costs a shiatload more than imprisoning them,


This is a problem with the system, not the death penalty itself.

It should be fairly easy to dish out the death penalty when it's deserved. As in no appeals necessary easy. Like that guy in the theater shooting. He should be dead already. That case is fairly open and shut.

When there's doubt, take the death penalty off the table and bring back slavery, of sorts. Turn lifer prisons into productive places. Have their musicians record albums, sell them on itunes, use the money to run the prison. Good behavior gets you more chance to join the band or what have you.

Then of course these the overhaul the legal system needs. Too many crimes. We're all breaking at least three laws at any given time, possibly more. We need to change that. Also for profit prisons mean they WANT people in jail. No good. Prisons for non-violent crimes should be a heavy burden on the taxpayer so lawmakers are pressured to avoid them at all costs. Bring back the lash and stockade. Streamline the punishment process so rehabilitation can be the actual goal. You want someone to fit into society? Keep them out of Con U and working a decent job. Punish them painfully buy quickly so they realize that crime doesn't pay buy don't get sucked into a downward spiral where crime's their only life skill.

Finally, rewrite as many laws as possible to remove the power and need of lawyers. A half asleep high school drop out should be able to defend themselves in court without any help at all and, if they're truly innocent of the crime alleged, be in no danger from the best Ivy League prosecutor legal time.
 
2012-09-18 07:05:54 AM  

Gortex: TheBlackFlag: A shotgun with a slug, pressed up against the base of his skull would be quick and painless.

It would indeed. But would you really want to be the guy who pulls the trigger? I don't think I could, as much as I am in favour of the death penalty. I could flick a switch or pull a lever, but I think i lack the cahones to get up close to someone, point a rifle, and fire. Especially when that person poses no immediate threat to me.

You'd have to be one messed up person for that deed to NOT give you night terrors. And if that doesn't trouble you, then you're already farked up.


I don't think I could be the guy at McDonald's who takes orders and makes hamburgers

hmm MAYBE I SHOULDNT APPLY THERE!!!
 
2012-09-18 07:06:33 AM  

gerbilpox: /not denigrating real depression
//just not seeing the relevance


He has depression so he can't control his eating. His eating makes him fat and break exercise equipment. His being fat means that there's a risk that the procedure will be botched, psychologically torturing the guy in his last moments, which would be cruel and unusual punishment. That's what the lawyer's getting at, anyways.
 
2012-09-18 07:09:14 AM  

mutterfark: Why not bring back the gas chamber but use nitrous oxide?


You've kind of hit on something telling. If you wanted to painlessly kill the guy, putting him in a gas chamber and filling it with pure nitrogen would do it. 30 seconds and the guy'd be out cold, 5 minutes later dead. Do we do that, nope? Why? because for the mouth breathers there has to be some element of ritualistic retribution about it, even it's symbolic. So yeah lethal injection, use a nasty poison to kill the guy, but put him under so he doesn't feel it.
 
2012-09-18 07:09:23 AM  

No Such Agency: In medieval times, the electric chair wouldn't have had electricity. Instead there would have been a crank that pushed a serrated iron cone up your anus until you died. I'm opposed to the death penalty but let's keep some perspective about how "barbaric" its implementation is these days.


Most "medieval torture devices" have turned out to be either active frauds (iron maiden) or dramatic mistakes by archaeologists (usually, entertainingly, misidentification of what are intended to be medical devices, my personal favorite being what was thought to be a metal gag for gossipy women that eventually turned up in documentation as an attempt to cure male incontinence-- they not only got the target gender wrong, they called the wrong end of the body). Not that medieval society wasn't plagued by an overabundance of dicks, but they weren't as capriciously cruel as history has felt a need to make them out to be. If it was judged that you needed killing, you were just killed, if you were tortured, it was the usual fire, water and sharp things routine that's popular in the third world today for the most part.

Admittedly the drug bit is more gentle than historical methods of execution, but remember that it was also _impossible_ historically. And the point of the electric chair was actually that it was supposed to kill instantly, as was the point of hanging (and, obviously, beheading). The theory behind state execution hasn't really changed all that much over the last five or six centuries, it's never been considered worth the expense and effort to torture people just for shiats. We have the tech to implement a proper system more effectively, but let's not pretend that makes us morally superior in some way.
 
2012-09-18 07:11:51 AM  

mutterfark: Why not bring back the gas chamber but use nitrous oxide?

/whippet, whippet good
//not serious
///anti-death penalty
////two minutes for slashying


That's bullshiat. When I was in high school we paid good money for that nitrous shiat. Why should a convicted murderer get it for free?
 
2012-09-18 07:14:03 AM  
A guy that big can't have a good heart. Just hide in his cell one night and scare him Zoolander in the coal mine style.
blogatron5000.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-09-18 07:15:10 AM  
Bullet to the noggin. Niedermeyer!!
 
2012-09-18 07:17:36 AM  
I don't know why we don't just drop condemned prisoners from airplanes over the ocean from a few thousand feet up. No mess, cheap, and it will work for anyone, regardless of how fat they have become.
 
2012-09-18 07:19:16 AM  
there's always thev guillotine, or an axe, or they could kill him the way they do cattle for slaughter, or hook him up to an IV to first put him to sleep then administer the poison
 
2012-09-18 07:21:52 AM  

Spazmojack: I don't know why we don't just drop condemned prisoners from airplanes over the ocean from a few thousand feet up. No mess, cheap, and it will work for anyone, regardless of how fat they have become.


That has to be the most expensive proposition ever presented. Why don't you just fly them into deep space?
 
2012-09-18 07:26:42 AM  

Spazmojack: I don't know why we don't just drop condemned prisoners from airplanes over the ocean from a few thousand feet up. No mess, cheap, and it will work for anyone, regardless of how fat they have become.

Sounds like the opening sequence of some terrible criminal sea-zombie B-movie.
 
2012-09-18 07:27:41 AM  

Spad31: Bullshiat. A good big bullet through your fat-assed brain will do just fine. fark you, fatty.



i700.photobucket.com
 
2012-09-18 07:30:46 AM  

soupafi: Maybe he shouldn't of killed someone


Do you of any idea how annoying that is?
 
2012-09-18 07:31:36 AM  
Ronald Post is so fat:
• The other prisoners jog around him for exercise.
• When he sits in the electric chair, it says "one at a time please."
• His jail cell has its own zip code.
• When he gets pounded in the a**, it echoes.
• His mug shot was taken by satellite.
• His "wanted" poster fell off the wall.
• He was arrested for having 200 pounds of crack.
• He has to be greased in and out of his cell.
• When he tries to escape, the prison alarm doesn't go "beep," it goes "beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep."

www.coolbuddy.com
 
2012-09-18 07:31:43 AM  

loonatic112358: or hook him up to an IV to first put him to sleep then administer the poison


Ummm...
 
2012-09-18 07:36:42 AM  

Quantum Apostrophe: soupafi: Maybe he shouldn't of killed someone

Do you of any idea how annoying that is?


To be killed for no good reason by someone who's now a fat fark trying to avoid execution? Yeah, I imagine it ruins your day.

That's why death row should be a bit more speedy.

Look at how fast the Oklahoma City bomber was killed. That should be the benchmark for the death penalty. Maybe even the slowest acceptable time.

If you can't get someone dead that quickly, they shouldn't be on death row at all. Put 'em to work. Give 'em a hoe, some soil, and tell 'em to get to it. They wanna eat corn? They gotta grow it first.
 
2012-09-18 07:38:06 AM  
Lessee, killed some poor woman who was at work at a hotel. Ammo is 63¢ a round. Next.
 
2012-09-18 07:39:51 AM  

Mugato: That has to be the most expensive proposition ever presented. Why don't you just fly them into deep space?


There are trans-oceanic flights every day at about 35,000 feet or so. All it would take is the construction of a special bomb-bay in the bottom of the jet. If they survive the rarefied air, well...

Oops~!
 
2012-09-18 07:41:09 AM  

doglover: Quantum Apostrophe: soupafi: Maybe he shouldn't of killed someone

Do you of any idea how annoying that is?

To be killed for no good reason by someone who's now a fat fark trying to avoid execution? Yeah, I imagine it ruins your day.

That's why death row should be a bit more speedy.

Look at how fast the Oklahoma City bomber was killed. That should be the benchmark for the death penalty. Maybe even the slowest acceptable time.

If you can't get someone dead that quickly, they shouldn't be on death row at all. Put 'em to work. Give 'em a hoe, some soil, and tell 'em to get to it. They wanna eat corn? They gotta grow it first.


i agree if we def know that person is guilty. if not and the future brings new evidence that that person is innocent then we would have a problem
 
2012-09-18 07:43:16 AM  
Operating on the notion that they sometimes do surgery on morbidly obese people, and I'm pretty sure they do, what's wrong with just anesthetizing him? From there, you can pretty much do what you want, yes?
 
2012-09-18 07:43:33 AM  

BronyMedic: And there's a simple solution to his problem of IV access:

[www.dolbymedical.co.uk image 400x304]

[ems.pgpic.com image 450x450]

[www.quadmed.com image 320x219]


Looks Harkonnen to me.

i.imgur.com

Gortex: TheBlackFlag: A shotgun with a slug, pressed up against the base of his skull would be quick and painless.

It would indeed. But would you really want to be the guy who pulls the trigger? I don't think I could, as much as I am in favour of the death penalty. I could flick a switch or pull a lever, but I think i lack the cahones to get up close to someone, point a rifle, and fire. Especially when that person poses no immediate threat to me.

You'd have to be one messed up person for that deed to NOT give you night terrors. And if that doesn't trouble you, then you're already farked up.


And yet you are pro capital punishment? You'd willingly kill someone by other means, but one particular form of execution scares you?

/Never understood why so many small government, stop-murdering-the-babbies types are also in favour of the government killing people.
//Not trying to imply anything about your own leanings, Gortex, just an observation.
 
2012-09-18 07:43:51 AM  

cman: If I were ever given capital punishment I would want to have a firing squad.


Really? I thought it was just me. That's the way I'd choose. It just seems the most honorable way to go. Something about a final gun salute to send you on your way seems so much more appealing than any of the other meathods the US has ever used. Fark the chair, and I've heard the gas chamber is really supposed to suck. Injection just seems boring. You just stop being alive. And I don't like the idea of hanging for a while because my neck didn't break.

Though I'd also be interested in the guillotine, if my head could be positioned over some giant pachinko board, and someone wins a prize if my head lands in a certian basket
 
2012-09-18 07:44:40 AM  
I can't bring myself to sympathy for this guy. He's been there longer than a lot of Farkers have been alive.
 
2012-09-18 07:44:47 AM  

gibbon1: mutterfark: Why not bring back the gas chamber but use nitrous oxide?

You've kind of hit on something telling. If you wanted to painlessly kill the guy, putting him in a gas chamber and filling it with pure nitrogen would do it. 30 seconds and the guy'd be out cold, 5 minutes later dead. Do we do that, nope? Why? because for the mouth breathers there has to be some element of ritualistic retribution about it, even it's symbolic. So yeah lethal injection, use a nasty poison to kill the guy, but put him under so he doesn't feel it.


Sadly people want to see the murderers die, not just go to sleep.

Mugato: mutterfark: Why not bring back the gas chamber but use nitrous oxide?

/whippet, whippet good
//not serious
///anti-death penalty
////two minutes for slashying

That's bullshiat. When I was in high school we paid good money for that nitrous shiat. Why should a convicted murderer get it for free?


What, you paid for nitrous in high school? I thought everyone just hit the cooler at 7-11. ;D
 
2012-09-18 07:44:57 AM  

Lukeonia1: loonatic112358: or hook him up to an IV to first put him to sleep then administer the poison

Ummm...


you were like, medieval yea, and wtf is this, isn't that what they're complaining about in the article??

you can tap the veins of a fatass, it's just easier with a skinny person
 
2012-09-18 07:45:09 AM  
Match stupidity with stupidity:
Execute him before he can commit another murder (killing himself).
 
2012-09-18 07:46:27 AM  

iron de havilland: /Never understood why so many small government, stop-murdering-the-babbies types are also in favour of the government killing people.//Not trying to imply anything about your own leanings, Gortex, just an observation.


and that there are people pro abortion who are against the death penalty, humans we're a farked up species
 
2012-09-18 07:47:21 AM  
IIRC, the Supreme Court ruled in the 1880s that death by firing squad was not cruel and unusual punishment.

Wheel this fat douche into the yard and put it on pay per view.
 
2012-09-18 07:50:07 AM  
Problem solved with a 45 ACP to the head.
 
2012-09-18 07:51:14 AM  
Meh.

Implode his head with explosives like the physics package of a nuclear bomb. It would happen literally faster than he could perceive it.
 
2012-09-18 07:51:46 AM  
He's been on Death Row for 30 years? Wow, that's inefficient. State's should model their Death Penalty statutes on Virginia. Fastest time from gavel to slab. The beltway sniper was sentenced in 2003 and got the needle in 2009 and that was considered a long stint as it goes in VA.
 
2012-09-18 07:52:12 AM  
imageshack.us

Have your pick. Any one of them is sure to do the job. I'm sure the victim's family would be happy to pay for one round.
 
2012-09-18 07:55:12 AM  

MythDragon:

Though I'd also be interested in the guillotine, if my head could be positioned over some giant pachinko board, and someone wins a prize if my head lands in a certain basket


HAHAHAHAHA
 
2012-09-18 07:55:17 AM  
Shouldn't have shot that gal, should've you?
 
2012-09-18 07:56:32 AM  

pag1107: He's been on Death Row for 30 years? Wow, that's inefficient. State's should model their Death Penalty statutes on Virginia. Fastest time from gavel to slab. The beltway sniper was sentenced in 2003 and got the needle in 2009 and that was considered a long stint as it goes in VA.


Do it like Japan does: you're just tooling around in your cell on death row, then BAM, dragged to the execution room. No warning.

Or do it like China: the EXECUTION BUS!!!1
 
2012-09-18 07:57:18 AM  
Seriously, people, just use N2 gas. Quick, easy, and impossible to botch. There's even a wikipedia article on nitrogen asphyxiation.
 
2012-09-18 07:58:21 AM  

xanadian: pag1107: He's been on Death Row for 30 years? Wow, that's inefficient. State's should model their Death Penalty statutes on Virginia. Fastest time from gavel to slab. The beltway sniper was sentenced in 2003 and got the needle in 2009 and that was considered a long stint as it goes in VA.

Do it like Japan does: you're just tooling around in your cell on death row, then BAM, dragged to the execution room. No warning.

Or do it like China: the EXECUTION BUS!!!1


doesnt china and russia execute you like on the spot when youre sentenced? i mean like take you from the courtroom out back and BAM
 
2012-09-18 08:01:28 AM  

BronyMedic: The only problem is, it costs a shiatload more than imprisoning them


Executing someone costs more than a life sentence?

Jon iz teh kewl: soupafi: Maybe he shouldn't of killed someone
/ pro death penalty

he could have just been looking for food


A hotel clerk is not the same thing as a deer.
 
2012-09-18 08:03:56 AM  

Cpl.D: Hrm. How to properly execute a hyper-obese man on death row?

... hrm. He's entitled to a last dinner, right? Put it on the top floor of a skyscraper and make him use the stairs. Problem solved, and you save the tax payers money, too.


Yeah, but those poor stairs!

/I love this thread: a death penalty thread AND a fatty bashing thread
 
2012-09-18 08:04:29 AM  
Medical personnel have had a hard time inserting IVs into Post's arms, according to the court filing. Four years ago, an Ohio State University medical center nurse needed three attempts to insert an IV into Post's left arm, the lawyers wrote.

Big deal. I've had to be stuck more times than that by nurses/phlebotomists that apparently didn't know what they were doing. While it's annoying, I can't say that I've suffered any permanent psychological damage as a result. If it's really *that* difficult for them, they can give him a local anesthetic, do a cutdown on the vein, and call it a day.
 
2012-09-18 08:07:04 AM  
www.dvorak.org

Hey they are getting free sex change operations, "I guess years of being someones biatch in prison can have a psychological effect" - Bubba
 
2012-09-18 08:07:48 AM  

gerbilpox: Ronald Post, who shot and killed a hotel clerk in northern Ohio almost 30 years ago

What's wrong with this picture? The guy killed someone when he was age 23, we keep him locked up for 3 decades, then we kill him when his heart is probably about to give out anyway.

I'm not saying we should have killed him sooner. We just should make it life in prison and call it even.

Or release him now on "humanitarian" grounds. He's not mobile enough to hurt anybody, and the taxpayers won't have to fund his care anymore.

Oh, wait: Obamacare. Damn that murderer-loving socialist.


Honestly: I'm not big on the death penalty, but I'm A-OK with exile. Find some deserted island with no chance for escape and drop him on it.
 
2012-09-18 08:09:19 AM  
I think he's right that he's too fat to be executed. Put him back into his cell with just water for 6 months, that'll get the pounds off. Never saw a fat POW.
 
2012-09-18 08:10:52 AM  

pag1107: He's been on Death Row for 30 years? Wow, that's inefficient. State's should model their Death Penalty statutes on Virginia. Fastest time from gavel to slab. The beltway sniper was sentenced in 2003 and got the needle in 2009 and that was considered a long stint as it goes in VA.


30 years in prison at the supposed $80,000 a year it costs to maintain one inmate is $2.4 million that taxpayers have forked over to keep this fat bastard alive. That's more than most of us will earn in our entire lives. If sentenced to death, execution should take place no more than one week later. Waiting an entire year is ridiculous, but 30?? I can understand that keeping a man on death row that long will make him miserable and is a decent payback for his crime, but is making him feel bad worth millions of dollars? Absolutely not.

There isn't a single good reason for the delay. If there's somehow too much paperwork and not enough time to do it, instating some sort of state-run "executioners guild" that travels around to help prisons would not only save money, but likely see the fastest membership growth of a new organization in the history of mankind.
 
2012-09-18 08:16:06 AM  

Pattuq: If sentenced to death, execution should take place no more than one week later


Sure, execute even more innocent people, what do we give a fark?
 
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