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(CBS News)   480 pound inmate on death-row says he's too fat to be executed, claiming any attempt to execute him will result in serious physical and psychological pain, involving a "torturous and lingering death"   (cbsnews.com ) divider line
    More: Asinine, death row, psychological pain, federal public defender, gastric bypass surgery, fats, death penalty, federal courts, prisons  
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6836 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Sep 2012 at 6:20 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



181 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2012-09-18 04:54:37 AM  
Is this guy making four trips through the chow line each time? Or was he this farking big at the time they arrested him? Didn't think you could get that big of just prison food, goddamn.
 
2012-09-18 05:29:43 AM  
Bullshiat. A good big bullet through your fat-assed brain will do just fine. fark you, fatty.
 
2012-09-18 05:44:09 AM  
Calculate the amount of compound needed to kill a 100lb person through lethal injection and then multiply that number by 5.

I'm anti-death penalty, but that doesn't mean I'm pro-stupid excuses.
 
2012-09-18 05:59:57 AM  
Is lethal injection the only method allowed for capital punishment in OH? I would hope that hanging would be an option (instant death by breaking ones neck).

If I were ever given capital punishment I would want to have a firing squad.
 
2012-09-18 06:20:00 AM  

cman: Is lethal injection the only method allowed for capital punishment in OH? I would hope that hanging would be an option (instant death by breaking ones neck).

If I were ever given capital punishment I would want to have a firing squad.


Death by hanging doesn't alway go right. If the rope has stretched because of past usage or is too long the person slowly strangles to death. Happened to convicted murderer Westley Allan Dodd (rope was too long).
 
2012-09-18 06:29:43 AM  

cman: If I were ever given capital punishment I would want to have a firing squad.


I don't know why that isn't the preferred method. BAM. Done. But nothing is as messed up as the electric chair. That's some medieval shiat right there. Well you know, if they had electricity in medieval times.
 
2012-09-18 06:30:53 AM  
ALL fat people should be executed! Just think of all the room we'd have.
 
2012-09-18 06:31:49 AM  
where's the FLORIDA tag??
 
2012-09-18 06:32:19 AM  
How does a person maintain that kind of weight in prison? I'd think that if there were one environment in which calories and portions could be rigorously controlled it would be on death row.
 
2012-09-18 06:32:23 AM  

Bathia_Mapes: cman: Is lethal injection the only method allowed for capital punishment in OH? I would hope that hanging would be an option (instant death by breaking ones neck).

If I were ever given capital punishment I would want to have a firing squad.

Death by hanging doesn't alway go right. If the rope has stretched because of past usage or is too long the person slowly strangles to death. Happened to convicted murderer Westley Allan Dodd (rope was too long).


There are also reports of people who were this guy's size where their head was torn off due to the fall. It would certainly be an instantaneous death, but nothing I'd want to witness.
 
2012-09-18 06:33:09 AM  

cman: I would hope that hanging would be an option (instant death by breaking ones neck).


I think that might not work with this guy: No neck. Though at 480lbs all they probably have do is have a guard turn off his CPAP machine in the middle of the night.
 
2012-09-18 06:34:10 AM  
Prison officials and the object of the exercise should watch the video "Pierrepoint: The Last Hangman". (2005).
 
2012-09-18 06:34:16 AM  

Spad31: Bullshiat. A good big bullet through your fat-assed brain will do just fine. fark you, fatty.


/Pretty much this...wait till he's asleep one night...and BLAMMO...end of problem.
 
2012-09-18 06:34:23 AM  
wonder what his last meal would be. he'd probably order so much food he'd be eating for a week before they had a chance to kill him.
 
2012-09-18 06:35:27 AM  
I saw this episode of Nip/Tuck.
 
2012-09-18 06:35:30 AM  
serious physical and psychological pain, involving a "torturous and lingering death"

Um, isn't that kinda the point?
 
2012-09-18 06:37:09 AM  

Pants full of macaroni!!: serious physical and psychological pain, involving a "torturous and lingering death"

Um, isn't that kinda the point?


Of course it isn't.
 
2012-09-18 06:38:58 AM  
media.nj.com

"Sounds reasonable to me."
 
2012-09-18 06:40:25 AM  
Now every criminal would try to be super fat.
 
2012-09-18 06:40:51 AM  
This is easy....just grant him his last meal request....will probably die of heart failure afterwards
 
2012-09-18 06:40:58 AM  

Pants full of macaroni!!: serious physical and psychological pain, involving a "torturous and lingering death"

Um, isn't that kinda the point?


Uh, no. That went out of vogue in the 17th century. The whole reason for execution is to remove a heinous individual from society, who has no hope of rehabilitation or repentance.

The only problem is, it costs a shiatload more than imprisoning them, and our system is immensely biased in terms of socioeconomic disparity and race when handing out death sentences.
 
2012-09-18 06:41:31 AM  

cman: Is lethal injection the only method allowed for capital punishment in OH? I would hope that hanging would be an option (instant death by breaking ones neck).

If I were ever given capital punishment I would want to have a firing squad.


And I would chose 'snu-snu'.

He can't be hanged, his head would come off. Being a big fat-ass, unable to walk etc isn't he in a 'torturous and lingering life'?
 
2012-09-18 06:41:43 AM  
Can't they just mash up a shiatload of sleeping pills into his last meal? He'll just think the gravy is extra lumpy.
 
2012-09-18 06:41:50 AM  
I'm fine with any goofy excuse people can come up with in order to be spared a death sentence.

Best of luck, fatty.
 
2012-09-18 06:43:18 AM  

Jon iz teh kewl: where's the FLORIDA tag??


Because the story takes place in Ohio?
 
2012-09-18 06:43:48 AM  

strangeluck: Jon iz teh kewl: where's the FLORIDA tag??

Because the story takes place in Ohio?


look if you're looking to pick a fight you just won. FLORIDA STYLE
 
2012-09-18 06:43:59 AM  
And there's a simple solution to his problem of IV access:

www.dolbymedical.co.uk

ems.pgpic.com

www.quadmed.com
 
2012-09-18 06:44:16 AM  
Maybe he shouldn't of killed someone
/ pro death penalty
 
2012-09-18 06:47:16 AM  

soupafi: Maybe he shouldn't of killed someone
/ pro death penalty


he could have just been looking for food
 
2012-09-18 06:48:11 AM  
Seriously, though- can't we give this guy a cyanide pill or something?
 
2012-09-18 06:48:39 AM  

soupafi: Maybe he shouldn't of have killed someone
/ pro death penalty


FTFY. Normally I'm not much of a stickler, but I'm very anti-death penalty.
 
2012-09-18 06:48:41 AM  
Mugato:
cman: If I were ever given capital punishment I would want to have a firing squad.

I don't know why that isn't the preferred method. BAM. Done. But nothing is as messed up as the electric chair. That's some medieval shiat right there. Well you know, if they had electricity in medieval times.


In medieval times, the electric chair wouldn't have had electricity. Instead there would have been a crank that pushed a serrated iron cone up your anus until you died. I'm opposed to the death penalty but let's keep some perspective about how "barbaric" its implementation is these days.
 
2012-09-18 06:49:00 AM  
Dead man waddlin'.

soupafi: / pro death penalty


Yeah, tell that to all the people on death row who were exonerated with DNA evidence. Better yet, tell it to the innocent ones who were executed. Oh you can't, they're dead. Personally I'd rather be executed than spend life in prison but if any innocent people at all are being executed then we shouldn't be doing it at all.

Having said that, just shoot the fat fark. If we have to have a death penalty, I don't see the purpose of turning it into some ritual.
 
2012-09-18 06:49:41 AM  

Mugato: I don't know why that isn't the preferred method. BAM. Done. But nothing is as messed up as the electric chair. That's some medieval shiat right there. Well you know, if they had electricity in medieval times.


The last guy they executed by firing squad was a mess, blood everywhere and the janitors refused to have anything to do with it.
 
2012-09-18 06:50:58 AM  

Gonz: Seriously, though- can't we give this guy a cyanide pill or something?


i say give him an oxycontin

and then shove him off a cliff
 
2012-09-18 06:51:09 AM  
He broke the law. He doesn't get to use it anymore.
 
2012-09-18 06:51:18 AM  
Death penalty is stupid, even in the case of this fat guy who doesn't seem to be protesting he's innocent.
 
2012-09-18 06:51:51 AM  

Bathia_Mapes: is too long


Once again, you're so kind.

What ACTUALLY happens when you use a too long rope is not strangulation. What happens is the drop's too far and the rope pulls their head clean off. Well, not CLEAN but definitely off.
 
2012-09-18 06:52:40 AM  

No Such Agency: I'm opposed to the death penalty but let's keep some perspective about how "barbaric" its implementation is these days.


Strapping someone to a chair and shooting electricity through them until they melt or catch fire is pretty barbaric, not to mention inefficient. I realize I'm grading on a curve compared to other countries and times but still it's farked up.
 
2012-09-18 06:52:56 AM  
A shotgun with a slug, pressed up against the base of his skull would be quick and painless.
 
2012-09-18 06:56:27 AM  
i471.photobucket.com

Grossberger?
 
2012-09-18 06:57:24 AM  
0.tqn.com
 
2012-09-18 06:58:02 AM  

Dog Welder: Bathia_Mapes: cman: Is lethal injection the only method allowed for capital punishment in OH? I would hope that hanging would be an option (instant death by breaking ones neck).

If I were ever given capital punishment I would want to have a firing squad.

Death by hanging doesn't alway go right. If the rope has stretched because of past usage or is too long the person slowly strangles to death. Happened to convicted murderer Westley Allan Dodd (rope was too long).

There are also reports of people who were this guy's size where their head was torn off due to the fall. It would certainly be an instantaneous death, but nothing I'd want to witness.


Black Jack Ketchum? Swore they would never hang him. Then...
 
2012-09-18 06:58:38 AM  
Ronald Post, who shot and killed a hotel clerk in northern Ohio almost 30 years ago

What's wrong with this picture? The guy killed someone when he was age 23, we keep him locked up for 3 decades, then we kill him when his heart is probably about to give out anyway.

I'm not saying we should have killed him sooner. We just should make it life in prison and call it even.

Or release him now on "humanitarian" grounds. He's not mobile enough to hurt anybody, and the taxpayers won't have to fund his care anymore.

Oh, wait: Obamacare. Damn that murderer-loving socialist.
 
2012-09-18 06:59:19 AM  
Maybe you should have thought about that before killing someone in cold blood, you farking dickbag.
 
2012-09-18 06:59:33 AM  
Why not bring back the gas chamber but use nitrous oxide?

/whippet, whippet good
//not serious
///anti-death penalty
////two minutes for slashying
 
2012-09-18 07:00:04 AM  

mutterfark: Why not bring back the gas chamber but use nitrousnitric oxide?

/whippet, whippet good
//not serious
///anti-death penalty
////two minutes for slashying


static.freepik.com
 
2012-09-18 07:00:34 AM  
Time to bust out ye olde gas chamber.
 
2012-09-18 07:02:10 AM  
...said his weight, vein access, scar tissue, depression and other medical problems...

"Your honor, I feel really down-in-the-dumps about my upcoming execution. So I guess you have to cancel it!"


/not denigrating real depression
//just not seeing the relevance
 
2012-09-18 07:02:24 AM  
Well you can't use the electric chair, since it may cause a grease fire.
 
2012-09-18 07:02:32 AM  
Simple, put him in a cell with a tap and a glass. Stop spending money on him now. When he is the right weight kill him.

/snark
 
2012-09-18 07:02:41 AM  

stoli n coke: Can't they just mash up a shiatload of sleeping pills into his last meal? He'll just think the gravy is extra lumpy.


Gonz: Seriously, though- can't we give this guy a cyanide pill or something?


I've an idea. Last meal, Almond chicken. Then the taste of the cyanide in the gravy on his mashed potatoes won't tip him off.
 
2012-09-18 07:03:53 AM  

TheBlackFlag: A shotgun with a slug, pressed up against the base of his skull would be quick and painless.


It would indeed. But would you really want to be the guy who pulls the trigger? I don't think I could, as much as I am in favour of the death penalty. I could flick a switch or pull a lever, but I think i lack the cahones to get up close to someone, point a rifle, and fire. Especially when that person poses no immediate threat to me.

You'd have to be one messed up person for that deed to NOT give you night terrors. And if that doesn't trouble you, then you're already farked up.
 
2012-09-18 07:05:28 AM  

BronyMedic: The only problem is, it costs a shiatload more than imprisoning them,


This is a problem with the system, not the death penalty itself.

It should be fairly easy to dish out the death penalty when it's deserved. As in no appeals necessary easy. Like that guy in the theater shooting. He should be dead already. That case is fairly open and shut.

When there's doubt, take the death penalty off the table and bring back slavery, of sorts. Turn lifer prisons into productive places. Have their musicians record albums, sell them on itunes, use the money to run the prison. Good behavior gets you more chance to join the band or what have you.

Then of course these the overhaul the legal system needs. Too many crimes. We're all breaking at least three laws at any given time, possibly more. We need to change that. Also for profit prisons mean they WANT people in jail. No good. Prisons for non-violent crimes should be a heavy burden on the taxpayer so lawmakers are pressured to avoid them at all costs. Bring back the lash and stockade. Streamline the punishment process so rehabilitation can be the actual goal. You want someone to fit into society? Keep them out of Con U and working a decent job. Punish them painfully buy quickly so they realize that crime doesn't pay buy don't get sucked into a downward spiral where crime's their only life skill.

Finally, rewrite as many laws as possible to remove the power and need of lawyers. A half asleep high school drop out should be able to defend themselves in court without any help at all and, if they're truly innocent of the crime alleged, be in no danger from the best Ivy League prosecutor legal time.
 
2012-09-18 07:05:54 AM  

Gortex: TheBlackFlag: A shotgun with a slug, pressed up against the base of his skull would be quick and painless.

It would indeed. But would you really want to be the guy who pulls the trigger? I don't think I could, as much as I am in favour of the death penalty. I could flick a switch or pull a lever, but I think i lack the cahones to get up close to someone, point a rifle, and fire. Especially when that person poses no immediate threat to me.

You'd have to be one messed up person for that deed to NOT give you night terrors. And if that doesn't trouble you, then you're already farked up.


I don't think I could be the guy at McDonald's who takes orders and makes hamburgers

hmm MAYBE I SHOULDNT APPLY THERE!!!
 
2012-09-18 07:06:33 AM  

gerbilpox: /not denigrating real depression
//just not seeing the relevance


He has depression so he can't control his eating. His eating makes him fat and break exercise equipment. His being fat means that there's a risk that the procedure will be botched, psychologically torturing the guy in his last moments, which would be cruel and unusual punishment. That's what the lawyer's getting at, anyways.
 
2012-09-18 07:09:14 AM  

mutterfark: Why not bring back the gas chamber but use nitrous oxide?


You've kind of hit on something telling. If you wanted to painlessly kill the guy, putting him in a gas chamber and filling it with pure nitrogen would do it. 30 seconds and the guy'd be out cold, 5 minutes later dead. Do we do that, nope? Why? because for the mouth breathers there has to be some element of ritualistic retribution about it, even it's symbolic. So yeah lethal injection, use a nasty poison to kill the guy, but put him under so he doesn't feel it.
 
2012-09-18 07:09:23 AM  

No Such Agency: In medieval times, the electric chair wouldn't have had electricity. Instead there would have been a crank that pushed a serrated iron cone up your anus until you died. I'm opposed to the death penalty but let's keep some perspective about how "barbaric" its implementation is these days.


Most "medieval torture devices" have turned out to be either active frauds (iron maiden) or dramatic mistakes by archaeologists (usually, entertainingly, misidentification of what are intended to be medical devices, my personal favorite being what was thought to be a metal gag for gossipy women that eventually turned up in documentation as an attempt to cure male incontinence-- they not only got the target gender wrong, they called the wrong end of the body). Not that medieval society wasn't plagued by an overabundance of dicks, but they weren't as capriciously cruel as history has felt a need to make them out to be. If it was judged that you needed killing, you were just killed, if you were tortured, it was the usual fire, water and sharp things routine that's popular in the third world today for the most part.

Admittedly the drug bit is more gentle than historical methods of execution, but remember that it was also _impossible_ historically. And the point of the electric chair was actually that it was supposed to kill instantly, as was the point of hanging (and, obviously, beheading). The theory behind state execution hasn't really changed all that much over the last five or six centuries, it's never been considered worth the expense and effort to torture people just for shiats. We have the tech to implement a proper system more effectively, but let's not pretend that makes us morally superior in some way.
 
2012-09-18 07:11:51 AM  

mutterfark: Why not bring back the gas chamber but use nitrous oxide?

/whippet, whippet good
//not serious
///anti-death penalty
////two minutes for slashying


That's bullshiat. When I was in high school we paid good money for that nitrous shiat. Why should a convicted murderer get it for free?
 
2012-09-18 07:14:03 AM  
A guy that big can't have a good heart. Just hide in his cell one night and scare him Zoolander in the coal mine style.
blogatron5000.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-09-18 07:15:10 AM  
Bullet to the noggin. Niedermeyer!!
 
2012-09-18 07:17:36 AM  
I don't know why we don't just drop condemned prisoners from airplanes over the ocean from a few thousand feet up. No mess, cheap, and it will work for anyone, regardless of how fat they have become.
 
2012-09-18 07:19:16 AM  
there's always thev guillotine, or an axe, or they could kill him the way they do cattle for slaughter, or hook him up to an IV to first put him to sleep then administer the poison
 
2012-09-18 07:21:52 AM  

Spazmojack: I don't know why we don't just drop condemned prisoners from airplanes over the ocean from a few thousand feet up. No mess, cheap, and it will work for anyone, regardless of how fat they have become.


That has to be the most expensive proposition ever presented. Why don't you just fly them into deep space?
 
2012-09-18 07:26:42 AM  

Spazmojack: I don't know why we don't just drop condemned prisoners from airplanes over the ocean from a few thousand feet up. No mess, cheap, and it will work for anyone, regardless of how fat they have become.

Sounds like the opening sequence of some terrible criminal sea-zombie B-movie.
 
2012-09-18 07:27:41 AM  

Spad31: Bullshiat. A good big bullet through your fat-assed brain will do just fine. fark you, fatty.



i700.photobucket.com
 
2012-09-18 07:30:46 AM  

soupafi: Maybe he shouldn't of killed someone


Do you of any idea how annoying that is?
 
2012-09-18 07:31:36 AM  
Ronald Post is so fat:
• The other prisoners jog around him for exercise.
• When he sits in the electric chair, it says "one at a time please."
• His jail cell has its own zip code.
• When he gets pounded in the a**, it echoes.
• His mug shot was taken by satellite.
• His "wanted" poster fell off the wall.
• He was arrested for having 200 pounds of crack.
• He has to be greased in and out of his cell.
• When he tries to escape, the prison alarm doesn't go "beep," it goes "beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep."

www.coolbuddy.com
 
2012-09-18 07:31:43 AM  

loonatic112358: or hook him up to an IV to first put him to sleep then administer the poison


Ummm...
 
2012-09-18 07:36:42 AM  

Quantum Apostrophe: soupafi: Maybe he shouldn't of killed someone

Do you of any idea how annoying that is?


To be killed for no good reason by someone who's now a fat fark trying to avoid execution? Yeah, I imagine it ruins your day.

That's why death row should be a bit more speedy.

Look at how fast the Oklahoma City bomber was killed. That should be the benchmark for the death penalty. Maybe even the slowest acceptable time.

If you can't get someone dead that quickly, they shouldn't be on death row at all. Put 'em to work. Give 'em a hoe, some soil, and tell 'em to get to it. They wanna eat corn? They gotta grow it first.
 
2012-09-18 07:38:06 AM  
Lessee, killed some poor woman who was at work at a hotel. Ammo is 63¢ a round. Next.
 
2012-09-18 07:39:51 AM  

Mugato: That has to be the most expensive proposition ever presented. Why don't you just fly them into deep space?


There are trans-oceanic flights every day at about 35,000 feet or so. All it would take is the construction of a special bomb-bay in the bottom of the jet. If they survive the rarefied air, well...

Oops~!
 
2012-09-18 07:41:09 AM  

doglover: Quantum Apostrophe: soupafi: Maybe he shouldn't of killed someone

Do you of any idea how annoying that is?

To be killed for no good reason by someone who's now a fat fark trying to avoid execution? Yeah, I imagine it ruins your day.

That's why death row should be a bit more speedy.

Look at how fast the Oklahoma City bomber was killed. That should be the benchmark for the death penalty. Maybe even the slowest acceptable time.

If you can't get someone dead that quickly, they shouldn't be on death row at all. Put 'em to work. Give 'em a hoe, some soil, and tell 'em to get to it. They wanna eat corn? They gotta grow it first.


i agree if we def know that person is guilty. if not and the future brings new evidence that that person is innocent then we would have a problem
 
2012-09-18 07:43:16 AM  
Operating on the notion that they sometimes do surgery on morbidly obese people, and I'm pretty sure they do, what's wrong with just anesthetizing him? From there, you can pretty much do what you want, yes?
 
2012-09-18 07:43:33 AM  

BronyMedic: And there's a simple solution to his problem of IV access:

[www.dolbymedical.co.uk image 400x304]

[ems.pgpic.com image 450x450]

[www.quadmed.com image 320x219]


Looks Harkonnen to me.

i.imgur.com

Gortex: TheBlackFlag: A shotgun with a slug, pressed up against the base of his skull would be quick and painless.

It would indeed. But would you really want to be the guy who pulls the trigger? I don't think I could, as much as I am in favour of the death penalty. I could flick a switch or pull a lever, but I think i lack the cahones to get up close to someone, point a rifle, and fire. Especially when that person poses no immediate threat to me.

You'd have to be one messed up person for that deed to NOT give you night terrors. And if that doesn't trouble you, then you're already farked up.


And yet you are pro capital punishment? You'd willingly kill someone by other means, but one particular form of execution scares you?

/Never understood why so many small government, stop-murdering-the-babbies types are also in favour of the government killing people.
//Not trying to imply anything about your own leanings, Gortex, just an observation.
 
2012-09-18 07:43:51 AM  

cman: If I were ever given capital punishment I would want to have a firing squad.


Really? I thought it was just me. That's the way I'd choose. It just seems the most honorable way to go. Something about a final gun salute to send you on your way seems so much more appealing than any of the other meathods the US has ever used. Fark the chair, and I've heard the gas chamber is really supposed to suck. Injection just seems boring. You just stop being alive. And I don't like the idea of hanging for a while because my neck didn't break.

Though I'd also be interested in the guillotine, if my head could be positioned over some giant pachinko board, and someone wins a prize if my head lands in a certian basket
 
2012-09-18 07:44:40 AM  
I can't bring myself to sympathy for this guy. He's been there longer than a lot of Farkers have been alive.
 
2012-09-18 07:44:47 AM  

gibbon1: mutterfark: Why not bring back the gas chamber but use nitrous oxide?

You've kind of hit on something telling. If you wanted to painlessly kill the guy, putting him in a gas chamber and filling it with pure nitrogen would do it. 30 seconds and the guy'd be out cold, 5 minutes later dead. Do we do that, nope? Why? because for the mouth breathers there has to be some element of ritualistic retribution about it, even it's symbolic. So yeah lethal injection, use a nasty poison to kill the guy, but put him under so he doesn't feel it.


Sadly people want to see the murderers die, not just go to sleep.

Mugato: mutterfark: Why not bring back the gas chamber but use nitrous oxide?

/whippet, whippet good
//not serious
///anti-death penalty
////two minutes for slashying

That's bullshiat. When I was in high school we paid good money for that nitrous shiat. Why should a convicted murderer get it for free?


What, you paid for nitrous in high school? I thought everyone just hit the cooler at 7-11. ;D
 
2012-09-18 07:44:57 AM  

Lukeonia1: loonatic112358: or hook him up to an IV to first put him to sleep then administer the poison

Ummm...


you were like, medieval yea, and wtf is this, isn't that what they're complaining about in the article??

you can tap the veins of a fatass, it's just easier with a skinny person
 
2012-09-18 07:45:09 AM  
Match stupidity with stupidity:
Execute him before he can commit another murder (killing himself).
 
2012-09-18 07:46:27 AM  

iron de havilland: /Never understood why so many small government, stop-murdering-the-babbies types are also in favour of the government killing people.//Not trying to imply anything about your own leanings, Gortex, just an observation.


and that there are people pro abortion who are against the death penalty, humans we're a farked up species
 
2012-09-18 07:47:21 AM  
IIRC, the Supreme Court ruled in the 1880s that death by firing squad was not cruel and unusual punishment.

Wheel this fat douche into the yard and put it on pay per view.
 
2012-09-18 07:50:07 AM  
Problem solved with a 45 ACP to the head.
 
2012-09-18 07:51:14 AM  
Meh.

Implode his head with explosives like the physics package of a nuclear bomb. It would happen literally faster than he could perceive it.
 
2012-09-18 07:51:46 AM  
He's been on Death Row for 30 years? Wow, that's inefficient. State's should model their Death Penalty statutes on Virginia. Fastest time from gavel to slab. The beltway sniper was sentenced in 2003 and got the needle in 2009 and that was considered a long stint as it goes in VA.
 
2012-09-18 07:52:12 AM  
imageshack.us

Have your pick. Any one of them is sure to do the job. I'm sure the victim's family would be happy to pay for one round.
 
2012-09-18 07:55:12 AM  

MythDragon:

Though I'd also be interested in the guillotine, if my head could be positioned over some giant pachinko board, and someone wins a prize if my head lands in a certain basket


HAHAHAHAHA
 
2012-09-18 07:55:17 AM  
Shouldn't have shot that gal, should've you?
 
2012-09-18 07:56:32 AM  

pag1107: He's been on Death Row for 30 years? Wow, that's inefficient. State's should model their Death Penalty statutes on Virginia. Fastest time from gavel to slab. The beltway sniper was sentenced in 2003 and got the needle in 2009 and that was considered a long stint as it goes in VA.


Do it like Japan does: you're just tooling around in your cell on death row, then BAM, dragged to the execution room. No warning.

Or do it like China: the EXECUTION BUS!!!1
 
2012-09-18 07:57:18 AM  
Seriously, people, just use N2 gas. Quick, easy, and impossible to botch. There's even a wikipedia article on nitrogen asphyxiation.
 
2012-09-18 07:58:21 AM  

xanadian: pag1107: He's been on Death Row for 30 years? Wow, that's inefficient. State's should model their Death Penalty statutes on Virginia. Fastest time from gavel to slab. The beltway sniper was sentenced in 2003 and got the needle in 2009 and that was considered a long stint as it goes in VA.

Do it like Japan does: you're just tooling around in your cell on death row, then BAM, dragged to the execution room. No warning.

Or do it like China: the EXECUTION BUS!!!1


doesnt china and russia execute you like on the spot when youre sentenced? i mean like take you from the courtroom out back and BAM
 
2012-09-18 08:01:28 AM  

BronyMedic: The only problem is, it costs a shiatload more than imprisoning them


Executing someone costs more than a life sentence?

Jon iz teh kewl: soupafi: Maybe he shouldn't of killed someone
/ pro death penalty

he could have just been looking for food


A hotel clerk is not the same thing as a deer.
 
2012-09-18 08:03:56 AM  

Cpl.D: Hrm. How to properly execute a hyper-obese man on death row?

... hrm. He's entitled to a last dinner, right? Put it on the top floor of a skyscraper and make him use the stairs. Problem solved, and you save the tax payers money, too.


Yeah, but those poor stairs!

/I love this thread: a death penalty thread AND a fatty bashing thread
 
2012-09-18 08:04:29 AM  
Medical personnel have had a hard time inserting IVs into Post's arms, according to the court filing. Four years ago, an Ohio State University medical center nurse needed three attempts to insert an IV into Post's left arm, the lawyers wrote.

Big deal. I've had to be stuck more times than that by nurses/phlebotomists that apparently didn't know what they were doing. While it's annoying, I can't say that I've suffered any permanent psychological damage as a result. If it's really *that* difficult for them, they can give him a local anesthetic, do a cutdown on the vein, and call it a day.
 
2012-09-18 08:07:04 AM  
www.dvorak.org

Hey they are getting free sex change operations, "I guess years of being someones biatch in prison can have a psychological effect" - Bubba
 
2012-09-18 08:07:48 AM  

gerbilpox: Ronald Post, who shot and killed a hotel clerk in northern Ohio almost 30 years ago

What's wrong with this picture? The guy killed someone when he was age 23, we keep him locked up for 3 decades, then we kill him when his heart is probably about to give out anyway.

I'm not saying we should have killed him sooner. We just should make it life in prison and call it even.

Or release him now on "humanitarian" grounds. He's not mobile enough to hurt anybody, and the taxpayers won't have to fund his care anymore.

Oh, wait: Obamacare. Damn that murderer-loving socialist.


Honestly: I'm not big on the death penalty, but I'm A-OK with exile. Find some deserted island with no chance for escape and drop him on it.
 
2012-09-18 08:09:19 AM  
I think he's right that he's too fat to be executed. Put him back into his cell with just water for 6 months, that'll get the pounds off. Never saw a fat POW.
 
2012-09-18 08:10:52 AM  

pag1107: He's been on Death Row for 30 years? Wow, that's inefficient. State's should model their Death Penalty statutes on Virginia. Fastest time from gavel to slab. The beltway sniper was sentenced in 2003 and got the needle in 2009 and that was considered a long stint as it goes in VA.


30 years in prison at the supposed $80,000 a year it costs to maintain one inmate is $2.4 million that taxpayers have forked over to keep this fat bastard alive. That's more than most of us will earn in our entire lives. If sentenced to death, execution should take place no more than one week later. Waiting an entire year is ridiculous, but 30?? I can understand that keeping a man on death row that long will make him miserable and is a decent payback for his crime, but is making him feel bad worth millions of dollars? Absolutely not.

There isn't a single good reason for the delay. If there's somehow too much paperwork and not enough time to do it, instating some sort of state-run "executioners guild" that travels around to help prisons would not only save money, but likely see the fastest membership growth of a new organization in the history of mankind.
 
2012-09-18 08:16:06 AM  

Pattuq: If sentenced to death, execution should take place no more than one week later


Sure, execute even more innocent people, what do we give a fark?
 
2012-09-18 08:17:13 AM  

Pattuq: pag1107: He's been on Death Row for 30 years? Wow, that's inefficient. State's should model their Death Penalty statutes on Virginia. Fastest time from gavel to slab. The beltway sniper was sentenced in 2003 and got the needle in 2009 and that was considered a long stint as it goes in VA.

30 years in prison at the supposed $80,000 a year it costs to maintain one inmate is $2.4 million that taxpayers have forked over to keep this fat bastard alive. That's more than most of us will earn in our entire lives. If sentenced to death, execution should take place no more than one week later. Waiting an entire year is ridiculous, but 30?? I can understand that keeping a man on death row that long will make him miserable and is a decent payback for his crime, but is making him feel bad worth millions of dollars? Absolutely not.

There isn't a single good reason for the delay. If there's somehow too much paperwork and not enough time to do it, instating some sort of state-run "executioners guild" that travels around to help prisons would not only save money, but likely see the fastest membership growth of a new organization in the history of mankind.


So true.

Punishment as a deterrent isn't very effective, since most people comitting crimes aren't all that insightful to begin with.

So if you've decided to kill them, kill them fast.
 
2012-09-18 08:19:47 AM  

No Such Agency: I'm opposed to the death penalty but let's keep some perspective about how "barbaric" its implementation is these days.


I'm not sure you understand how the electric chair kills people. I suspect in mediaeval times it may well have been considered barbaric, even compared to the other methods available at the time. And in any case I don't think we should judge the relative humanity of execution based on ancient methods, as opposed to comparing them to other modern methods -- dying of dysentery in prison in mediaeval times was fairly common but I don't think we'd consider that a valid method of execution today.
 
2012-09-18 08:25:06 AM  
I recommend a bread and water diet in solitaire,
 
2012-09-18 08:32:32 AM  
CBS must be experiencing a heavy load.

Fark can't seem to lift the speed of connection.

It keeps timing/passing out.
 
2012-09-18 08:45:30 AM  
serious physical and psychological pain, involving a "torturous and lingering death

WTF? Being that fat ISN'T a torturous and lingering death?

Have obese acquaintances. Not much fun seeing them struggle to stand, walk and breathe. When the humidity is high just sitting is a struggle for air. The fat will kill him soon enough. Just keep eatin', you're doin' all my dirty work for me.

Not a Capital Punishment guy. Law enforcement is too fraught with issues to get it 100% right every time.
 
2012-09-18 08:49:53 AM  

Bathia_Mapes: cman: Is lethal injection the only method allowed for capital punishment in OH? I would hope that hanging would be an option (instant death by breaking ones neck).

If I were ever given capital punishment I would want to have a firing squad.

Death by hanging doesn't alway go right. If the rope has stretched because of past usage or is too long the person slowly strangles to death. Happened to convicted murderer Westley Allan Dodd (rope was too long).


No, they strangle to death if the rope is too short. You need a certain length for them to get enough momentum to cleanly snap their neck. Too long and their head pops off.


Gortex: TheBlackFlag: A shotgun with a slug, pressed up against the base of his skull would be quick and painless.

It would indeed. But would you really want to be the guy who pulls the trigger? I don't think I could, as much as I am in favour of the death penalty. I could flick a switch or pull a lever, but I think i lack the cahones to get up close to someone, point a rifle, and fire. Especially when that person poses no immediate threat to me.

You'd have to be one messed up person for that deed to NOT give you night terrors. And if that doesn't trouble you, then you're already farked up.


Thats why with a firing squad, youve got 6 guys, 3 with bullets, 3 with blanks, and nobody knows whos got what.


gibbon1: mutterfark: Why not bring back the gas chamber but use nitrous oxide?

You've kind of hit on something telling. If you wanted to painlessly kill the guy, putting him in a gas chamber and filling it with pure nitrogen would do it. 30 seconds and the guy'd be out cold, 5 minutes later dead. Do we do that, nope? Why? because for the mouth breathers there has to be some element of ritualistic retribution about it, even it's symbolic. So yeah lethal injection, use a nasty poison to kill the guy, but put him under so he doesn't feel it.


Im not necessarily pro death penalty, but i am a proponent of nitrogen asphyxiation. No danger for bystanders if theres a leak, the chamber doesnt have to be airtight, plus the organs arent all ruined.
 
2012-09-18 08:52:01 AM  

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: gerbilpox: /not denigrating real depression
//just not seeing the relevance

He has depression so he can't control his eating. His eating makes him fat and break exercise equipment. His being fat means that there's a risk that the procedure will be botched, psychologically torturing the guy in his last moments, which would be cruel and unusual punishment. That's what the lawyer's getting at, anyways.


Well, he's in prison, so others control every aspect of his life. So, I suppose that they can control what food he gets. The end.
 
2012-09-18 08:52:45 AM  

Pattuq: pag1107: He's been on Death Row for 30 years? Wow, that's inefficient. State's should model their Death Penalty statutes on Virginia. Fastest time from gavel to slab. The beltway sniper was sentenced in 2003 and got the needle in 2009 and that was considered a long stint as it goes in VA.

30 years in prison at the supposed $80,000 a year it costs to maintain one inmate is $2.4 million that taxpayers have forked over to keep this fat bastard alive. That's more than most of us will earn in our entire lives. If sentenced to death, execution should take place no more than one week later. Waiting an entire year is ridiculous, but 30?? I can understand that keeping a man on death row that long will make him miserable and is a decent payback for his crime, but is making him feel bad worth millions of dollars? Absolutely not.

There isn't a single good reason for the delay. If there's somehow too much paperwork and not enough time to do it, instating some sort of state-run "executioners guild" that travels around to help prisons would not only save money, but likely see the fastest membership growth of a new organization in the history of mankind.


Wait. What? We're all computer literate people here. Surely you're exaggerating.
 
2012-09-18 08:54:32 AM  
The limeys got it covered.......

www.treefrogtreasures.com
 
2012-09-18 09:03:30 AM  
Jim_Callahan:
Admittedly the drug bit is more gentle than historical methods of execution, but remember that it was also _impossible_ historically.

An obvious exception being cases like Socrates.

I'm sure simpler, cheaper methods have always been preferred by torturers, but some of those devices WERE used, particularly by groups like the Inquisition whose specific intent was to brutalize the prisoner rather than just coerce a confession. Today, simple electrical shock ("parilla)" is widely used and is apparently very painful.

profplump:
I'm not sure you understand how the electric chair kills people.

I believe that used properly (wet the sponge, Percy!), it rapidly causes unconsciousness and heart failure and is not intended to cause lengthy suffering. Yes, it's reprehensible for the state to kill people, but this method is not designed to torture the condemned.
 
2012-09-18 09:07:53 AM  
the death penalty is a bad idea to begin with and it shouldn't be a punishment for anybody. how long can a 500 lb man live anyways...
 
2012-09-18 09:10:04 AM  
Just shoot the fat fark and make bacon. Everyone wins!
 
2012-09-18 09:18:23 AM  

xanadian: BronyMedic: The only problem is, it costs a shiatload more than imprisoning them

Executing someone costs more than a life sentence?


I think it has something to do with the additional security and facilities cost of death row, the extra guards, all the appeals they go through (because they sit on death row for 15-20 years) and all that crap. Running some electricity or poison through someone isn't that expensive, but when you factor in the extra training for the switch throwers, all the legal stuff, the special building you need and whatnot is where people say it costs more than just herding them in with the rest of gen pop.

But if you could just leave them in a gen pop cell and hurry the process up to within a year or so, and then take them out to the excercise yard, bust a cap in their dome, and catapult their body to a nearby pond, it would probably be much cheaper.
 
2012-09-18 09:19:08 AM  
Just walking the green mile would kill him
 
2012-09-18 09:22:22 AM  

cgremlin: Medical personnel have had a hard time inserting IVs into Post's arms, according to the court filing. Four years ago, an Ohio State University medical center nurse needed three attempts to insert an IV into Post's left arm, the lawyers wrote.

Big deal. I've had to be stuck more times than that by nurses/phlebotomists that apparently didn't know what they were doing. While it's annoying, I can't say that I've suffered any permanent psychological damage as a result. If it's really *that* difficult for them, they can give him a local anesthetic, do a cutdown on the vein, and call it a day.


Oh, no! Not three attempts! What a ridiculous argument. I manage to successfully stick fatties just fine all the time, even when they're all dehydrated and half dead. Nobody is going to be 100% accurate starting IVs, but I would think that anyone who can withstand being in prison for any length of time should be able to take a few stabs from a tiny needle. Considering we used to execute people by doing things like pulling them apart with horses or burning them alive, it could be a lot worse. Also, ultrasound guidance.

Whether we should be executing people at all is another matter entirely, but this guy's argument is nonsense.
 
2012-09-18 09:25:33 AM  

Mugato: cman: If I were ever given capital punishment I would want to have a firing squad.

I don't know why that isn't the preferred method. BAM. Done. But nothing is as messed up as the electric chair. That's some medieval shiat right there. Well you know, if they had electricity in medieval times.


I think Utah and Oklahoma can still do firing squads.

[Oklahoma], Utah
Utah no longer offers the firing squad as an option, but would allow it only for inmates who chose this method prior to its elimination .

Oklahoma offers firing squad only if lethal injection and electrocution are found unconstitutional.
 
2012-09-18 09:28:44 AM  
Put him on a treadmill with red hot pokers at the slow end and a lethal injection at the fast end. That might be cruel and unusual, too, but, oh, well.

/be glad I didn't use an Oxford comma.
 
2012-09-18 09:43:03 AM  
I so don't care what convicted murderers are upset about. Don't like lethal injection, then shoot him, whack him over the head with a bat whatever. Never say we didn't give you some options
 
2012-09-18 09:45:29 AM  

MythDragon: But if you could just leave them in a gen pop cell and hurry the process up to within a year or so, and then take them out to the excercise yard, bust a cap in their dome, and catapult their body to a nearby pond, it would probably be much cheaper.


How horrible.

I prefer "trebuchet."
 
2012-09-18 09:47:29 AM  
' any attempt to execute him will result in serious physical and psychological pain, involving a "torturous and lingering death" '

www.dtvusaforum.com

I hope it lasts.
 
2012-09-18 09:48:00 AM  
Obviously the DP has to be hard on the executioners, presuming them to be non-sociopathic. The other problem is the segment of the population it excites, who wants to see those guys all sporting a stiff!

//DP
//increases murder rates
 
2012-09-18 09:50:01 AM  
Perhaps Firing squad? A heart shot or a head shot will result in nigh instantaneous death which of course if he's on death row for what I read he was on it for, is much better than he deserves.
 
2012-09-18 09:53:16 AM  
There's a lot of revenge fantasies going on here. The bottom line is that the number of people on death row exonerated by new technologies such as DNA evidence should be enough to make the death penalty not a viable option. If you extrapolate that to the inevitable number of people who were actually executed while innocent, it should be unacceptable to any rational society.

Murder by the state should also be thought of as an unacceptable practice even for the guilty.
 
2012-09-18 09:54:39 AM  
There are any number of things that can be ingested or inhaled.
Put him to sleep with a simple anesthetic, then let the donors at him.
Blood type= M. Syrup+ ?
 
2012-09-18 10:00:13 AM  
He's in prison. Can't they just pup him on a diet for a year or so? Water, veggies, some meat. That is all.
 
2012-09-18 10:00:37 AM  
if you electrocute him, the bacon smell would linger for weeks. Poison his food----we know for a fact he isn't afraid of eating.
 
2012-09-18 10:02:57 AM  
What about one of those centrifugal things NASA uses?
 
2012-09-18 10:03:55 AM  
Disagrees:

www.homevideos.com


/oblig
//RIP
 
2012-09-18 10:06:18 AM  
get a rope or in his case a cable ....
 
2012-09-18 10:08:18 AM  
Why not simply stay with the Biblical Principals our nation was founded upon? An eye for an eye. If you shoot someone, you are in turn shot. You poison an old lady, you are in turn poisoned. Vehicular homicide, you are eliminated vehicularly. It is no more cruel and unusual than the crime for which they are being punished, and there is a certain poetry in an evil deed coming full circle.
 
2012-09-18 10:10:51 AM  
serious physical and psychological pain may become irrelevant once he dies. As he was condemned to death yocks ago, he must have once deserved it.
While capital punishment is cruel in itself, it's not as much so for deliberate killers who do deserve it. Times & places other than OK where firing squad would be useful (I type as blood drips from my pointy catlike fangs).
 
2012-09-18 10:12:39 AM  
I got a 200 grain .45 that says it's so quick you'll never notice
 
2012-09-18 10:12:53 AM  
a uniquely american problem
 
2012-09-18 10:13:18 AM  
Murderer being condemned to a torturous and lingering death? ....

I fail to see the problem here.
 
2012-09-18 10:19:38 AM  

xanadian


I prefer "trebuchet."


Put a target somewhere in a field. Make designing and building the trebuchet a team project for some local engineering students. If they hit the target they receive an A.
 
2012-09-18 10:22:38 AM  

strangeluck: Is this guy making four trips through the chow line each time? Or was he this farking big at the time they arrested him? Didn't think you could get that big of just prison food, goddamn.


They only get one trip through the line at meal times, but they can buy snacks at the commissary.

Dictatorial_Flair: cgremlin: Medical personnel have had a hard time inserting IVs into Post's arms, according to the court filing. Four years ago, an Ohio State University medical center nurse needed three attempts to insert an IV into Post's left arm, the lawyers wrote.

Big deal. I've had to be stuck more times than that by nurses/phlebotomists that apparently didn't know what they were doing. While it's annoying, I can't say that I've suffered any permanent psychological damage as a result. If it's really *that* difficult for them, they can give him a local anesthetic, do a cutdown on the vein, and call it a day.

Oh, no! Not three attempts! What a ridiculous argument. I manage to successfully stick fatties just fine all the time, even when they're all dehydrated and half dead. Nobody is going to be 100% accurate starting IVs, but I would think that anyone who can withstand being in prison for any length of time should be able to take a few stabs from a tiny needle. Considering we used to execute people by doing things like pulling them apart with horses or burning them alive, it could be a lot worse. Also, ultrasound guidance.

Whether we should be executing people at all is another matter entirely, but this guy's argument is nonsense.


I've never had a nurse who managed to hit my vein on the first try. The average is three.
 
2012-09-18 10:30:59 AM  
I will never understand how a person can get THAT obese. At some point someone has to say, "I'm not buying this much food for you any more. And when it happens in prison, where that sort of thing should be rationed anyway, it's completely ludicrous.

Here's an idea that will work for everyone. Put this fat slob on a diet. Get him down to a normal weight by January. Then execute him. Think of all the money they would be saving the taxpayers.
 
2012-09-18 10:33:40 AM  
Oh, he'll be hurt? Well, melt his fat ass down and make candles for the vigil
 
2012-09-18 10:36:27 AM  

Swoop1809: Just walking the green mile would kill him


Walking any mile would kill him.
 
2012-09-18 10:44:16 AM  
It's so simple: Put subject in a room and flood it with pure, humidified nitrogen. He won't feel a thing; works every time; there is no weight limit.

/still against death penalty
 
2012-09-18 10:49:59 AM  
furtherglory.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-09-18 11:16:34 AM  

Mugato: There's a lot of revenge fantasies going on here. The bottom line is that the number of people on death row exonerated by new technologies such as DNA evidence should be enough to make the death penalty not a viable option. If you extrapolate that to the inevitable number of people who were actually executed while innocent, it should be unacceptable to any rational society.

Murder by the state should also be thought of as an unacceptable practice even for the guilty.


I'm a bleeding-heart anti-death penalty lefty lib, but if we're going to have capital punishment, let's make it efficient.

Just because I'm opposed to the concept doesn't mean I also can't argue for a more effective implementation.
 
2012-09-18 11:18:38 AM  

Swoop1809: Just walking the green mile would kill him


i.ytimg.com
"Forget the green mile, try walking the brown mile!"

/You just read that in Mark Hamill's Joker voice.
 
2012-09-18 11:23:11 AM  
claiming any attempt to execute him will result in serious physical and psychological pain, involving a "torturous and lingering death"


In hospitals, for some patients with poor veins, a 'cut-down' was used. Meaning Dr.s injected a numbing agent into the tissue of an ankle, surgically opened the area and exposed the large, shallow vein or artery beneath. An IV line was inserted, the wound held closed by adhesive tape straps and everything bandaged up.

This did not require an operating room.

Another solution: shoot the bastige in the head. In Russia they used to execute criminals by placing them in a cell with a drain in the floor, small ports on all walls and a solid door. Some time within the next 24 hours -- the prisoner never knew when -- a guard would quietly insert a rifle through a port and shoot him in the head. Usually execution was done within 2 hours of entering the cell.

The only problem I have with lethal injection is that most states use the three medication rule: a tranquilizer, a paralyzer and one designed to stop the heart. They are pumped in one right after the other, meaning there is a chance that the tranquilizer has not knocked out the convicted before he's paralyzed -- which also includes his ability to breath. The heart stopping medication, in large doses, can cause a severe burning sensation.
IMO they should pause for a time after injecting the massive dose of tranquilizer to make sure it's worked. Fear is a powerful force that can delay or resist a tranquilizer. Then they can inject the paralytic and the sodium chloride.

The old gas chamber was basically a torture device since death by Cyanide gas first stops the breathing, meaning they suffocate. I seriously doubt if the electric chair was painless. Hanging takes a skilled professional to do it right. Calculate wrong and the convicted strangles or the head pops off. The whole objective is to break the neck, stretching it enough to sever the spinal cord, causing instant death.

BTW, in many states a 13 knot noose is considered a deadly weapon since it's the same as those used in hangings. The '13 knots' are the 13 loops that form the noose.

Also, ages ago, some guy invented an execution machine, since they were having problems finding executioners to shoot prisoners. He secured several rifles in a box, which were sighted and fixed on the target areas (head and heart) and developed two ways to fire the thing. One was by several folks pulling cords -- of which only one would actually fire the guns. The second was a mechanical timer. Wind it up, set it and forget it.

I think it had a two minute range.

Then all of the guns would fire.
 
2012-09-18 11:27:23 AM  

Gonz: Mugato: There's a lot of revenge fantasies going on here. The bottom line is that the number of people on death row exonerated by new technologies such as DNA evidence should be enough to make the death penalty not a viable option. If you extrapolate that to the inevitable number of people who were actually executed while innocent, it should be unacceptable to any rational society.

Murder by the state should also be thought of as an unacceptable practice even for the guilty.

I'm a bleeding-heart anti-death penalty lefty lib, but if we're going to have capital punishment, let's make it efficient.

Just because I'm opposed to the concept doesn't mean I also can't argue for a more effective implementation.


I am SO for the death penalty. But only in cases where it's clearly obvious, and there is no doubt whatsoever of the guilt in the matter. Like, for instance... The guy who shot up all those people at a Bat Man movie. They know it was him. Give him his fair trial, then take him out back and put a bullet through his head. Better yet, let one of the victim's relatives pull the trigger.

I can agree that there are some grey areas in some cases. Perhaps those shouldn't be tried as death penalty cases to start with.

I'm only referring to the black and white, obvious ones. This is why I'm actually somewhat relieved when I hear that some rampaging murderer turns the gun on himself. Saves us all the time and discomfort of the whole trial process.
 
2012-09-18 11:27:53 AM  
Fatties whine that they want to be treated like everyone else? Fine. But that means you don't get to use your weight as a get out of execution free card.
 
2012-09-18 11:33:48 AM  
Why don't they just put his ass on a track, and tell him to run a mile...problem cures it'self.
 
2012-09-18 11:34:30 AM  

Bit'O'Gristle: /Pretty much this...wait till he's asleep one night...and BLAMMO...end of problem.


Did he wait until the hotel clerk he wasted was asleep? I think not.
 
2012-09-18 11:36:23 AM  

BronyMedic: The only problem is, it costs a shiatload more than imprisoning them, and our system is immensely biased in terms of socioeconomic disparity and race when handing out death sentences.


Thanks Susan Sarandon. Never heard that before.
 
2012-09-18 11:44:20 AM  

MythDragon: cman: If I were ever given capital punishment I would want to have a firing squad.

Really? I thought it was just me. That's the way I'd choose. It just seems the most honorable way to go. Something about a final gun salute to send you on your way seems so much more appealing than any of the other meathods the US has ever used. Fark the chair, and I've heard the gas chamber is really supposed to suck. Injection just seems boring. You just stop being alive. And I don't like the idea of hanging for a while because my neck didn't break.

Though I'd also be interested in the guillotine, if my head could be positioned over some giant pachinko board, and someone wins a prize if my head lands in a certian basket


Thats the best idea I have ever heard.
Bob Barker could host it. It could be a giant game of plinko with your head.
/And remember to spay and neuter your pets
 
2012-09-18 11:46:58 AM  

Jim_Callahan: Most "medieval torture devices" have turned out to be either active frauds (iron maiden) or dramatic mistakes by archaeologists (usually, entertainingly, misidentification of what are intended to be medical devices, my personal favorite being what was thought to be a metal gag for gossipy women that eventually turned up in documentation as an attempt to cure male incontinence-- they not only got the target gender wrong, they called the wrong end of the body). Not that medieval society wasn't plagued by an overabundance of dicks, but they weren't as capriciously cruel as history has felt a need to make them out to be. If it was judged that you needed killing, you were just killed, if you were tortured, it was the usual fire, water and sharp things routine that's popular in the third world today for the most part.


Thank you for making all that up. Now read this.
 
2012-09-18 11:52:47 AM  

durbnpoisn: I am SO for the death penalty. But only in cases where it's clearly obvious, and there is no doubt whatsoever of the guilt in the matter. Like, for instance... The guy who shot up all those people at a Bat Man movie. They know it was him. Give him his fair trial, then take him out back and put a bullet through his head. Better yet, let one of the victim's relatives pull the trigger.


Well who would be the judge of what clearly obvious is?
 
2012-09-18 11:55:32 AM  

xanadian: Honestly: I'm not big on the death penalty, but I'm A-OK with exile. Find some deserted island with no chance for escape and drop him on it.


If they do it from 30,000 feet and he lives, his sentence is repealed and he's free to go.

For crissake, for as stupid as Wipeout is/was, this would be a better TV show.
 
2012-09-18 11:57:01 AM  

Klaumbaz: Why don't they just put his ass on a track, and tell him to run a mile...problem cures it'self.


Chase him with a steamroller?

I remember reading about an anti-death penalty lawmaker in Alabama in the '70s. He proposed that if the state was going to execute anyone, that lottery tickets would be issued much like jury duty to enough citizens to fill the University of Alabama football stadium (attendance mandatory), and that the execution be performed by tying strong ropes to the executee's extremities, and using four tractors to quarter said miscreant.
 
2012-09-18 11:57:41 AM  
3 missionaries were captured by a very angry native tribe, and were ordered to stand trial before the tribal chief. The chief says to the first one "You have been found guilty. Being a compassionate people, we will let you choose between death and ooga booga". The defendant figures anything is better than death, so he opts for ooga booga and is promptly gang-raped by 30 tribesmen. The second missionary hesitantly opts for ooga booga as well, and the sentence is carried out. The third guy declares "Death is better than that. I opt for death!" So the chief intones "I then sentence you to death -- by ooga booga"

/Sorry, but there are about 3 people who haven't heard that one.
 
2012-09-18 11:58:35 AM  

durbnpoisn: I'm only referring to the black and white, obvious ones.


That's a line that's not as easy to draw as one would first think. The Batman guy, sure....but where is the line drawn? I'm still not comfortable with my government strapping anyone helpless to a table and murdering them, for whatever reason. I know, "What if it were your sister or mother...well yeah, I would kill them if I could. That doesn't mean my personal vengeance is right or that I want my government to be in the vengeance game.
 
2012-09-18 12:02:02 PM  
Mugato, you're my favorite FARKer. When the situation requires humor, you bring the "Funny". When it's "serious thread" time, you gift us with the "Smart".

/seriously
 
2012-09-18 12:02:16 PM  

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: durbnpoisn: I am SO for the death penalty. But only in cases where it's clearly obvious, and there is no doubt whatsoever of the guilt in the matter. Like, for instance... The guy who shot up all those people at a Bat Man movie. They know it was him. Give him his fair trial, then take him out back and put a bullet through his head. Better yet, let one of the victim's relatives pull the trigger.

Well who would be the judge of what clearly obvious is?


While in the case of the Batman movie shooting your question is so seriously insipid as to be automatically ignored...you don't have a judge deciding what is obvious. You codify it into law. Such as, if you're apprehended at the scene with the murder weapon and there is electronic recordings that ID you as the killer...that's obvious. You walk into a place like a motel lobby and shoot the clerk and it's on videotape...that's obvious. You have like a gazillion eyewitnesses who ID you immediately after the act...that's obvious.

Perhaps what's better is to acquire a dictionary and look up the word "obvious". There are some crimes for which there is no real need for anything more than a perfunctory trial. And I said "some" there. Not all. Just some.
 
2012-09-18 12:17:28 PM  

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: Mugato, you're my favorite FARKer. When the situation requires humor, you bring the "Funny". When it's "serious thread" time, you gift us with the "Smart".

/seriously


Dude, I'm not going to trade identities with you. I'm inside for insurance fraud. You're on death row for....my God, those poor meerkats. You evil...sigh. Okay. Cup the balls this time and I'll think about it.
 
2012-09-18 12:27:20 PM  

Mugato: UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: Mugato, you're my favorite FARKer. When the situation requires humor, you bring the "Funny". When it's "serious thread" time, you gift us with the "Smart".

/seriously

Dude, I'm not going to trade identities with you. I'm inside for insurance fraud. You're on death row for....my God, those poor meerkats. You evil...sigh. Okay. Cup the balls this time and I'll think about it.


i.qkme.me
 
2012-09-18 12:30:07 PM  
In 2008, federal courts rejected arguments by condemned double-killer Richard Cooey that he was too obese to die by injection. Cooey's attorneys had argued that prison food and limited opportunities to exercise contributed to a weight problem that would make it difficult for the execution team to find a viable vein for lethal injection.

My brother was in prison for about four months back in 2001. He lost about 40 pounds; he said breakfast was oatmeal and lunch was generally something like bologna sandwiches, with no cheese. Also there is not much else to do than work out in your own cell.

/maybe this guy's prison is different than Cook County.
//brother gained the weight back in a similar amount of time.
 
2012-09-18 12:41:36 PM  

BronyMedic: Pants full of macaroni!!: serious physical and psychological pain, involving a "torturous and lingering death"

Um, isn't that kinda the point?

Uh, no. That went out of vogue in the 17th century. The whole reason for execution is to remove a heinous individual from society, who has no hope of rehabilitation or repentance.

The only problem is, it costs a shiatload more than imprisoning them, and our system is immensely biased in terms of socioeconomic disparity and race when handing out death sentences.


Why do you have to bring the truth into such a fun thread?
 
2012-09-18 12:42:39 PM  
Would it be ironic if he was granted a stay of execution, but then died of a massive heart attack the next day? Or is that more of a black fly in the chardonnay thing?
 
2012-09-18 01:01:05 PM  

craig328: You codify it into law. Such as, if you're apprehended at the scene with the murder weapon and there is electronic recordings that ID you as the killer...that's obvious. You walk into a place like a motel lobby and shoot the clerk and it's on videotape...that's obvious. You have like a gazillion eyewitnesses who ID you immediately after the act...that's obvious.


Would you codify into law every possible instance in which something could be obvious or would it be a system based on points, where each eye witness is worth a certain amount, apprehended at the scene with the murder weapon is another bunch, and if you reach a certain threshold, you're automatically guilty? I don't think you're giving enough credit to how difficult it would be to codify into law the "painfully obvious."
 
2012-09-18 01:29:22 PM  

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: craig328: You codify it into law. Such as, if you're apprehended at the scene with the murder weapon and there is electronic recordings that ID you as the killer...that's obvious. You walk into a place like a motel lobby and shoot the clerk and it's on videotape...that's obvious. You have like a gazillion eyewitnesses who ID you immediately after the act...that's obvious.

Would you codify into law every possible instance in which something could be obvious or would it be a system based on points, where each eye witness is worth a certain amount, apprehended at the scene with the murder weapon is another bunch, and if you reach a certain threshold, you're automatically guilty? I don't think you're giving enough credit to how difficult it would be to codify into law the "painfully obvious."


Given that you quoted them I just assumed you read the series of examples I suggested for what would qualify as "obvious". And yes, codifying each possible instance of what evidence qualifies as obvious is what would be required. Your points definition is your abortion. I get that since you disagree with the concept that you'd try and frame it in the most unflattering manner possible but the concept didn't mention such inanities. It simply means that in cases where the perpetrator is caught at the scene and there is zero doubt as to who did it, there needs to be an expedited system of trial and sentence.

We adjust sentencing penalties with concepts like "aggravated" and "premeditated" so such qualifiers are not foreign to the law. Perhaps you've heard the term "In flagrante delicto". It would be a legal definition of what qualifies for that.
 
2012-09-18 01:41:31 PM  
Just pull out his heart plug.
 
2012-09-18 01:47:20 PM  
what is this going to mean for our plan to kill all the fat people first?

crap, did I say that out loud?
 
2012-09-18 01:50:45 PM  

craig328: And yes, codifying each possible instance of what evidence qualifies as obvious is what would be required.


1. A hotel clerk is murdered, and the perpetrator is visible only from that odd isometric security feed. A man is later picked up wearing the same clothes, same build, and who looks almost exactly like the guy on the tape, but it's hard to tell from the angle. Expedite the trial and sentencing?

1.a Same basic situation, but the perpetrator is wearing a mask on tape. He's picked up later outside not wearing the mask. Expedite the trial and sentencing?

2. A man is found in his living room by the police, surrounded by his dismembered family, and covered in blood. He's holding a bloody carving knife and laughing. Expedite the trial and sentencing?

2.a Same basic situation, but the man is holding the bloody carving knife and crying. Expedite the trial and sentencing?

3. A man in full armor shoots up a movie theater, killing dozens. He's tackled by police at the scene. However his identity is only revealed after police take him into custody and remove the mask. Expedite the trial and sentencing?

3.a Same basic situation, but the man's face is uncovered, and at one point looks into the security camera, gives his name, address, and social security number. Expedite the trial and sentencing?
 
2012-09-18 01:57:17 PM  
There are a million ways to get around this, but very few of them have been adequately tested and certified. You could, for example, just hook them up to a high flow IV with a pint of morphine and come back in an hour or two and they'd be dead...but that isn't the approved method. You could even just give them 10x more regular execution chemicals than you calculate are necessary for his weight just to make sure, but that isn't an approved method. The idea is that there has to be some kind of approved method for it.

I don't see why the method is so complex as it is. You give someone a pint of morphine, they're going to die. No if ands or buts. You could even sweeten the deal by letting them do a couple of shots with their friends/family before hand to say their goodbyes. Maybe a Xanax or two for the anxiety.
 
2012-09-18 02:01:25 PM  
Guillotine: 15 seconds of consciousness.

Heck, with that much blubber, the blade will be well-greased too.
 
2012-09-18 02:28:39 PM  
Intraosseous line: problem solved!

Proceed with the execution.
 
2012-09-18 03:01:20 PM  
Solution:
images1.hellotrade.com
Just toss him in with the couch.

/Fark your couch, nubian
 
2012-09-18 04:01:50 PM  
He murdered someone over 30 years ago, and has spent most of the time in between in jail. H ways 480 pounds? Why are we feeding prisoners enough for 3 people?

upload.wikimedia.org

/there is a simple solution
 
2012-09-18 04:11:47 PM  
How about an old favorite?
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wik ipedia /commons/thumb/8/83/Garrote_Exec u tion_-_1901.png/220px-Garrote_Executio n_-_1901.png
/Sorry HTML fail
 
2012-09-18 04:18:20 PM  
It's not the first time - Mitchell Rupe tried that one in WA State a long time ago
 
2012-09-18 05:47:46 PM  

Nick Nostril: [imageshack.us image 596x504]

Have your pick. Any one of them is sure to do the job. I'm sure the victim's family would be happy to pay for one round.


those aren't bullets those are PENS
 
2012-09-18 06:12:09 PM  
Wow. You get one shot at a life on this planet; one chance to see the world, experience love, achieve goals, etc.. He murders a woman while barely out of his teens then proceeds to eat so much prison glop and exercise so little over the course of 30 years of incarceration that he is now unable to move and just lies down in a jail cell all day, contemplating the horror of being killed by the State.

God that makes me feel successful.
 
2012-09-18 06:26:51 PM  
How about we just end the barbaric practice of murder by the state?

Even better, end it after one last round of murders. Kill every prosecutor, judge, jury person, governor, president, and prison official who has ever participated in one of these murders. And yes, that even includes every living member of the supreme court who hasn't tried to stop one of these murders.

/No, I don't really want to kill all those people.
//But they should all spend the rest of their lives in prison.
///Everyone in favor of murder by the state is a barbaric psychopath. Yes, if you're in favor of it, you too.
 
2012-09-18 06:28:37 PM  
What the fark can he be eating in prison to maintain that sort of bulk? Especially on death row where you get little interaction with people? The prison could easily put him on a meal plan/liquid diet to lose weight.

The death pentalty is BS, the industrial prison complex (aka slave labor camps) are bullshiat.

We need a new system.
 
2012-09-18 06:55:48 PM  
deadhomersociety.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-09-19 03:29:23 AM  
I don't like capital punishment due to the surprisingly high numbers of innocents who have been discovered doing life or on death row.

The OBVIOUS ones, however, shouldn't get 30 years of appeals.

But I like the idea of exile. There should be an inescapable island to just dump them off upon, where they make it or break it on their own, with some basic supplies and no more state support.

The OBVIOUS ones. The non-obvious? Life without parole in case exonerating evidence comes to light. Do it the Pappilon way. An island of no escape.
 
2012-09-19 10:11:20 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com

I bet this method would work really well...
 
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