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(Daily Mail)   Calling a teacher a muggle, passing a note saying your hair resembles 'a boner' and other hilarious reasons for receiving detention   ( divider line
    More: Amusing, United States, homework assignments, Zero Wing  
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10369 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Sep 2012 at 1:08 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-09-16 02:52:20 AM  
7 votes:
When I was a 13 year old altar boy I substituted vinegar for sacramental wine. I thought I was going to choke to death on my supressed laughter. This monsignor was a little bit of a tipster and used to want the chalice filled up pretty full. Then he would throw the whole thing back in one gulp. Tears fell down both of our faces. Him trying to swallow the blood of Jesus that can't be spit out and me trying not to laugh. Then the priest asked that the bottle be thrown out before the next mass. I carefully placed the half gallon cask in the dumpster. At noon recess, I enticed some friends to drink it with me. Showing off I chugged wayyyyy toooo much. It was January. I didn't feel too drunk. When I got back in school my first class was near a radiator. I got smashed. While I could still walk I asked for a pass to the library. There a found a little used stack of books to lay down and try to sleep it off. Standing and sitting had gotten way too complicated. When I woke up I was surrounded by several nuns. One of the nuns announced, "I'll tell you what's wrong with him! He's DRUNK!" I was dragged to the mother superior's office where I confessed the whole caper. I was forced to make a confession to the very same priest. He decided that I enjoyed 05:30 mass so much that I would have to serve every 05:30 mass for the rest of my days at the Academy. Fortunately, he died two years later and I was able to opt out of the mass with the new rector that didn't know the terms and conditions of my continuing my education at that school. In fact I haven't been back to church since and I am almost 60 years old.
2012-09-16 02:13:06 AM  
3 votes:
But "Muggle" IS the polite, proper term.

Now "Mudblood", THAT'S racist.
2012-09-16 03:44:39 AM  
2 votes:
stuff I've done:

Got into trouble for vandalizing a desk at school. I didn't get detention, the teacher just stood up before the class and said "A student wrote: 'Mrs. Burns is a biotech.' When you vandalize, make sure you properly spell bee-yotch". It's been a few years, I might have still misspelled it.

That was also my senior year of high school. The same year this story takes place (might have also been the same month):

One of my teachers had a teacher friend at the junior high school that was both the same one I attended and the same one that was just two blocks from my house. I was 18 and assigned a penpal in the seventh grade who was female. I don't remember her name, and honestly, it doesn't matter. I often drew pictures in my letters, kind of like a self portrait. My friend Marc was absent the day we got our penpals, so he just piggy backed my penpal letters. He also liked to draw self portraits on the letters. Marc's letters included personal information. Not just that his mom was married to a guy he called a Prick. But he also included his phone number, home address, and that he was often free Friday nights, if she wanted to hook up. Again, we were seniors, both 18 and she was in the seventh grade. Me, I just drew my self portrait in perfect detail of how I look, perfect hair, 6% body fat, square superhero style jaw, six pack abs, the muscles that would even make Bruce Wayne envious (and by the way, I still look that great at the age of 34. I'll draw you a picture to prove it). My self portrait was also completely naked, but over the groin there was a strip of black tape, with one side folded over and the word 'pull' written over it. And when pulled back, instead of seeing 'The Rod of God', you saw the words "You pervert, I knew you'd look". And sent this to a girl in the seventh grade.

I then completely forgot I did this. This was in like October. Come February, I am in my English class when my teacher gets a message for me to report to the vice principal in her office. I have no clue what this could be about. I walk to the office and I see Marc there, he's doing some writing. This was not unusual since Marc was an office helper that period and he likes to write, so this was to be expected. I asked if the vice principal was in, Marc said "Yes, yes she is and she's eager to meet you." I knock on the door. I hear "Who is it?" I tell the voice that it's me. I get back "Get your ass in here." in an angry demanding tone. I step in and there is my former teacher, my vice principal, and the letters that Marc and I wrote to a seventh grader. On top of the stack in my drawing complete with the black tape over the groin. Only now, there were parts of the letters that were highlighted. Unknown to Marc, it was wrong for him, an 18 y.o. to write a letter to a seventh grader asking for her number, giving her his number and telling her what night's he is free on. It was also wrong to say that his step dad was a prick, but to this day I still don't know why. I mean, he is a prick. As for my letter, well, they had an issue with the self portrait, as well as the picture I drew of Marc taking it in the ass from his step dad wearing his mom's lingerie. The Vice Principal, a little old woman, picked up Marc's letter and asked me how I thought that was appropriate. I said "That wasn't my letter so don't yell at me for it." So she picked up my drawing, and asked what made me think it was appropriate to send to a 12 y.o. girl? I said "Because it wasn't anatomically correct?" She stood up and shouted "I don't care if it has a penis or not, this was wrong." Then she pulled back the tape and asked me, "Honestly, who's really the pervert here?" I said "You pulled back the tape, you tell me." She yelled at me, then asked "Do you have any idea why she was upset over all of this?" I answered "Because I got her hopes up for seeing a penis and I let her down, so she turned me in for being a tease?" I was already in trouble, what more could my smart ass comments get me? Could being a smart ass make this much worse? I, according to my vice principal, sexually harassed a 12 y.o. girl via snail mail, what more could be done to me??? She yelled. She told me that in her eyes I was the worse student at that school, well, not the worse, Marc was on my level. I didn't get detention or in school suspension. I didn't even have to register for any lists. I had to write an apology letter to the girl, her parents, her teacher and her principal. My rough draft was tossed out because I drew a pic of myself in the corner. The comment of "That is what got you into trouble in the first place." was made as I was told to redo it. I was also put onto special probation. Well, me and Marc were. The "fark up one more time and you will not graduate in May" probation. It was explained as "If you borrow a pencil from someone and forget to say 'thank you' and I find out I'm kicking you out of here and you'll finish up in summer school."

Then a month later we 'borrowed' all of our Economic teacher's pens and pencils and when she asked for them back, we gave them to her. In that we waited until she went to lunch, entered her unlocked classroom, moved her desk to the center of the classroom, stood on her desk and put them all into her ceiling tiles, then moved her desk back from the center of the classroom to the front of the classroom where she had it. So that when she returned she'd see her pens and pencils sticking out of the ceiling. Thankfully, she didn't report us.
2012-09-16 02:17:18 AM  
2 votes:
Was Ruby Rhod visiting the classroom or something?
2012-09-16 01:39:10 AM  
2 votes: Full Size

farking Ret Pallies.
2012-09-16 12:15:11 AM  
2 votes:
2012-09-16 06:06:34 AM  
1 vote:

7th Son of a 7th Son: About 20 mins before our break we all opened up GW-BASIC and wrote the code to play the William Tell overture, but we did it on a delay. We also looped it, so the first computer played it, then 15 seconds later the 2nd one did, then the 3rd one, and so on. When we all got back from break she was in her office with the door shut, and they were all still playing. She was so pissed off but it was so farking hilarious.

We did something similar. Had a teacher who for some reason had like 20 Apple IIs around the outside of the classroom, but never used them. She left the room for something, so we wrote up BASIC programs on all of them to start playing random pieces of music... delayed enough that it would start during the next class.

Luckily, I had lunch the next period and was able to enjoy through the window. Hilarity did indeed ensue.
2012-09-16 02:51:34 AM  
1 vote:
I was in the 7&8th grade science lab and noticed that the plastic cover of the floor drain was partially broken. Out of boredom (I guess) I used the foot of the chair to break it the rest of the way. Over the course of a couple weeks it filled up with trash and dirt from the floor, the janitor must have just swept over it. Which wouldn't have been such a big deal if Shane hadn't decided to pull the emergency shower lever for shiats and giggles. Apparently when he pulled the lever he broke it, and it took them a while to get the water shut off. The water from the science lab poured out and flooded a section of the hallway and an adjacent classroom. And since that drain was thoroughly clogged, it stayed flooded for some time. Shane got expelled. I got a Paul Harvey style "The rest of the story" to brag about to my classmates.
2012-09-16 02:40:29 AM  
1 vote:
CSB time :

When I was in 7th grade (around 1988) me and a classmate were wrestling in the classroom due to our teacher being out of the room for a few mins. I get a shoelace wrapped around an overhead projector cart so I when I go to stand up the cart comes with me and the projector falls to the ground, breaking it. We both ran to our seats and everyone got quiet. When our teacher walked in he said "Boy what a great class!" Someone then said "THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK!" 3 days detention and we both had to pay half to get it repaired.

Fast forward several years....1 day in my programming class we had a sub, and she was a royal coont. So we played a little practical joke on her. About 20 mins before our break we all opened up GW-BASIC and wrote the code to play the William Tell overture, but we did it on a delay. We also looped it, so the first computer played it, then 15 seconds later the 2nd one did, then the 3rd one, and so on. When we all got back from break she was in her office with the door shut, and they were all still playing. She was so pissed off but it was so farking hilarious.
2012-09-16 02:26:24 AM  
1 vote:
Articles like these makes me wish I kept my detention letter. A friend and I were in about 2nd grade and messing around on an older Apple computer that had a text-to-speech program. I'm glad that it got past words like "shiat whores" and instead glitched and repeatedly looped "KISS MY BUTT." Except the program made it sound more like "KISS MY BOT KISS MY BOT KISS MY BOT." I was shocked when my parents didn't whoop my butt as expected, and instead spent about 5 straight minutes laughing their asses off.
2012-09-16 01:39:35 AM  
1 vote:

RodneyToady: Shockingly inappropriate: A male student who expressed wanting milk from another girl's breasts received a notice home and loss of recess

Someone's been listening to Aphex Twin.

I've always preferred David Firth's interpretation of Milkman.

/Also, a short message from Richard's friend, Tom:
//Come on my Selector
2012-09-16 12:32:38 AM  
1 vote:
"Egregious and stentorian flatulence."
2012-09-16 12:15:54 AM  
1 vote:
I don't feel tardy.
2012-09-16 12:05:08 AM  
1 vote:
Show me your booty hole.
2012-09-16 12:00:04 AM  
1 vote:
Dammit subby, you almost made me click on a Daily Mail link.
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