If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Daily Mail)   Calling a teacher a muggle, passing a note saying your hair resembles 'a boner' and other hilarious reasons for receiving detention   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 46
    More: Amusing, United States, homework assignments, Zero Wing  
•       •       •

10329 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Sep 2012 at 1:08 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



46 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2012-09-16 12:00:04 AM
Dammit subby, you almost made me click on a Daily Mail link.
 
2012-09-16 12:05:08 AM
Show me your booty hole.
 
2012-09-16 12:15:11 AM
HAMMER OF JUSTICE
 
2012-09-16 12:15:54 AM
I don't feel tardy.
 
2012-09-16 12:25:54 AM
Shockingly inappropriate: A male student who expressed wanting milk from another girl's breasts received a notice home and loss of recess

Someone's been listening to Aphex Twin.
 
2012-09-16 12:32:38 AM
"Egregious and stentorian flatulence."
 
2012-09-16 12:38:16 AM

bingethinker: "Egregious and stentorian flatulence."


I think that was my favorite detention note.
 
2012-09-16 12:44:47 AM
I sent a student to the office once for "disingenuous lying." My principal really liked that one.
 
2012-09-16 01:19:58 AM
Some of these were pretty funny. I'm sure not for the teacher...
 
2012-09-16 01:20:40 AM
Should be some good stories in this thread.
 
2012-09-16 01:25:14 AM

Bathia_Mapes: bingethinker: "Egregious and stentorian flatulence."

I think that was my favorite detention note.


Leave it to the english teacher to use the five-dollar words.
 
2012-09-16 01:31:16 AM
"Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?"

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-09-16 01:32:46 AM
One of my favorites:

img.photobucket.com
 
2012-09-16 01:37:44 AM
I swiped a full test tube, tightly capped of course, of Hydrogen Sulfide from the Chem Lab, then had a buddy spill it slowly while walking through the lunchroom...

They had to air it out for hours...

And I was slick enough to not get detention... My buddy? Not so much... I told him to get rid of the evidence, but no....
 
2012-09-16 01:39:10 AM
i.dailymail.co.uk

farking Ret Pallies.
 
2012-09-16 01:39:35 AM

RodneyToady: Shockingly inappropriate: A male student who expressed wanting milk from another girl's breasts received a notice home and loss of recess

Someone's been listening to Aphex Twin.


I've always preferred David Firth's interpretation of Milkman.

/Also, a short message from Richard's friend, Tom:
//Come on my Selector
 
2012-09-16 01:46:14 AM
the trick is to calmly walk around then sucker-punch the brat in the mouth before any of the little shiats pull out their cell-phones
 
2012-09-16 02:01:54 AM
I wonder if none of this is funny because I'm getting older, and I find a whole different lot of stuff funny, or if it's because it was all painfully unfunny.
 
2012-09-16 02:03:57 AM
teachers needing to use threats of authority over their students have not earned the respect of their students.

/yes I teach and no I have never felt compelled to go this route
//not to mean I have not wanted to strangle the occasional kid
 
2012-09-16 02:10:02 AM

RodneyToady: Shockingly inappropriate: A male student who expressed wanting milk from another girl's breasts received a notice home and loss of recess

Someone's been listening to Aphex Twin.


From the citation, that was just something the teacher happened to be thinking about.

i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2012-09-16 02:13:06 AM
But "Muggle" IS the polite, proper term.

Now "Mudblood", THAT'S racist.
 
2012-09-16 02:17:18 AM
Was Ruby Rhod visiting the classroom or something?
 
2012-09-16 02:22:02 AM

iron de havilland: Come on my Selector


Love that song, had never seen the video. Thanks for sharing...
 
2012-09-16 02:26:24 AM
Articles like these makes me wish I kept my detention letter. A friend and I were in about 2nd grade and messing around on an older Apple computer that had a text-to-speech program. I'm glad that it got past words like "shiat whores" and instead glitched and repeatedly looped "KISS MY BUTT." Except the program made it sound more like "KISS MY BOT KISS MY BOT KISS MY BOT." I was shocked when my parents didn't whoop my butt as expected, and instead spent about 5 straight minutes laughing their asses off.
 
2012-09-16 02:40:29 AM
CSB time :

When I was in 7th grade (around 1988) me and a classmate were wrestling in the classroom due to our teacher being out of the room for a few mins. I get a shoelace wrapped around an overhead projector cart so I when I go to stand up the cart comes with me and the projector falls to the ground, breaking it. We both ran to our seats and everyone got quiet. When our teacher walked in he said "Boy what a great class!" Someone then said "THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK!" 3 days detention and we both had to pay half to get it repaired.

Fast forward several years....1 day in my programming class we had a sub, and she was a royal coont. So we played a little practical joke on her. About 20 mins before our break we all opened up GW-BASIC and wrote the code to play the William Tell overture, but we did it on a delay. We also looped it, so the first computer played it, then 15 seconds later the 2nd one did, then the 3rd one, and so on. When we all got back from break she was in her office with the door shut, and they were all still playing. She was so pissed off but it was so farking hilarious.
 
2012-09-16 02:51:34 AM
I was in the 7&8th grade science lab and noticed that the plastic cover of the floor drain was partially broken. Out of boredom (I guess) I used the foot of the chair to break it the rest of the way. Over the course of a couple weeks it filled up with trash and dirt from the floor, the janitor must have just swept over it. Which wouldn't have been such a big deal if Shane hadn't decided to pull the emergency shower lever for shiats and giggles. Apparently when he pulled the lever he broke it, and it took them a while to get the water shut off. The water from the science lab poured out and flooded a section of the hallway and an adjacent classroom. And since that drain was thoroughly clogged, it stayed flooded for some time. Shane got expelled. I got a Paul Harvey style "The rest of the story" to brag about to my classmates.
 
2012-09-16 02:52:20 AM
When I was a 13 year old altar boy I substituted vinegar for sacramental wine. I thought I was going to choke to death on my supressed laughter. This monsignor was a little bit of a tipster and used to want the chalice filled up pretty full. Then he would throw the whole thing back in one gulp. Tears fell down both of our faces. Him trying to swallow the blood of Jesus that can't be spit out and me trying not to laugh. Then the priest asked that the bottle be thrown out before the next mass. I carefully placed the half gallon cask in the dumpster. At noon recess, I enticed some friends to drink it with me. Showing off I chugged wayyyyy toooo much. It was January. I didn't feel too drunk. When I got back in school my first class was near a radiator. I got smashed. While I could still walk I asked for a pass to the library. There a found a little used stack of books to lay down and try to sleep it off. Standing and sitting had gotten way too complicated. When I woke up I was surrounded by several nuns. One of the nuns announced, "I'll tell you what's wrong with him! He's DRUNK!" I was dragged to the mother superior's office where I confessed the whole caper. I was forced to make a confession to the very same priest. He decided that I enjoyed 05:30 mass so much that I would have to serve every 05:30 mass for the rest of my days at the Academy. Fortunately, he died two years later and I was able to opt out of the mass with the new rector that didn't know the terms and conditions of my continuing my education at that school. In fact I haven't been back to church since and I am almost 60 years old.
 
2012-09-16 02:52:43 AM

UltimaCS: Articles like these makes me wish I kept my detention letter. A friend and I were in about 2nd grade and messing around on an older Apple computer that had a text-to-speech program. I'm glad that it got past words like "shiat whores" and instead glitched and repeatedly looped "KISS MY BUTT." Except the program made it sound more like "KISS MY BOT KISS MY BOT KISS MY BOT." I was shocked when my parents didn't whoop my butt as expected, and instead spent about 5 straight minutes laughing their asses off.


It was surprisingly difficult to get that program to pronounce "ménage à trois" properly. Must have killed a half-hour.

I also once set the startup sound on my Journalism teacher's computer to The 32 "Dohs" of Homer. Most of us thought it was quite funny.
 
2012-09-16 02:57:24 AM
Eckyhade: 

That is hilarious. Great story, man.
 
2012-09-16 03:16:44 AM

Mr. Ekshun: UltimaCS: Articles like these makes me wish I kept my detention letter. A friend and I were in about 2nd grade and messing around on an older Apple computer that had a text-to-speech program. I'm glad that it got past words like "shiat whores" and instead glitched and repeatedly looped "KISS MY BUTT." Except the program made it sound more like "KISS MY BOT KISS MY BOT KISS MY BOT." I was shocked when my parents didn't whoop my butt as expected, and instead spent about 5 straight minutes laughing their asses off.

It was surprisingly difficult to get that program to pronounce "ménage à trois" properly. Must have killed a half-hour.

I also once set the startup sound on my Journalism teacher's computer to The 32 "Dohs" of Homer. Most of us thought it was quite funny.


My "Intro to Computers" class (hey it was 1995) I had already learned how to hack the Windows splash screen (the logo and stuff that hides all the boot sequence when you first power on). Many compromising photos were put there. Also showed the other kids how to defeat the school's access control programs (Oh restart in DOS mode. How I loved you), and to defeat the Internet access control (basically like Websense in 1995). I was popular in that class among both nerds and cut-ups.
 
2012-09-16 03:18:51 AM

RedPhoenix122: Dammit subby, you almost made me click on a Daily Mail link.


Dammit, OP. You almost made me read the words Daily Fail without inserting the F.
 
2012-09-16 03:25:02 AM

iron de havilland: I've always preferred David Firth's interpretation of Milkman.


I was tempted to post that originally. One of my favorite aspects of David Firth's animations is the music he uses in the background... in part because so much of it is Aphex Twin and Brian Eno.

And apparently, I missed it when he released Sock Five last month...

/Also, a short message from Richard's friend, Tom:
//Come on my Selector


I had never seen that before!
 
2012-09-16 03:44:39 AM
stuff I've done:

Got into trouble for vandalizing a desk at school. I didn't get detention, the teacher just stood up before the class and said "A student wrote: 'Mrs. Burns is a biotech.' When you vandalize, make sure you properly spell bee-yotch". It's been a few years, I might have still misspelled it.

That was also my senior year of high school. The same year this story takes place (might have also been the same month):

One of my teachers had a teacher friend at the junior high school that was both the same one I attended and the same one that was just two blocks from my house. I was 18 and assigned a penpal in the seventh grade who was female. I don't remember her name, and honestly, it doesn't matter. I often drew pictures in my letters, kind of like a self portrait. My friend Marc was absent the day we got our penpals, so he just piggy backed my penpal letters. He also liked to draw self portraits on the letters. Marc's letters included personal information. Not just that his mom was married to a guy he called a Prick. But he also included his phone number, home address, and that he was often free Friday nights, if she wanted to hook up. Again, we were seniors, both 18 and she was in the seventh grade. Me, I just drew my self portrait in perfect detail of how I look, perfect hair, 6% body fat, square superhero style jaw, six pack abs, the muscles that would even make Bruce Wayne envious (and by the way, I still look that great at the age of 34. I'll draw you a picture to prove it). My self portrait was also completely naked, but over the groin there was a strip of black tape, with one side folded over and the word 'pull' written over it. And when pulled back, instead of seeing 'The Rod of God', you saw the words "You pervert, I knew you'd look". And sent this to a girl in the seventh grade.

I then completely forgot I did this. This was in like October. Come February, I am in my English class when my teacher gets a message for me to report to the vice principal in her office. I have no clue what this could be about. I walk to the office and I see Marc there, he's doing some writing. This was not unusual since Marc was an office helper that period and he likes to write, so this was to be expected. I asked if the vice principal was in, Marc said "Yes, yes she is and she's eager to meet you." I knock on the door. I hear "Who is it?" I tell the voice that it's me. I get back "Get your ass in here." in an angry demanding tone. I step in and there is my former teacher, my vice principal, and the letters that Marc and I wrote to a seventh grader. On top of the stack in my drawing complete with the black tape over the groin. Only now, there were parts of the letters that were highlighted. Unknown to Marc, it was wrong for him, an 18 y.o. to write a letter to a seventh grader asking for her number, giving her his number and telling her what night's he is free on. It was also wrong to say that his step dad was a prick, but to this day I still don't know why. I mean, he is a prick. As for my letter, well, they had an issue with the self portrait, as well as the picture I drew of Marc taking it in the ass from his step dad wearing his mom's lingerie. The Vice Principal, a little old woman, picked up Marc's letter and asked me how I thought that was appropriate. I said "That wasn't my letter so don't yell at me for it." So she picked up my drawing, and asked what made me think it was appropriate to send to a 12 y.o. girl? I said "Because it wasn't anatomically correct?" She stood up and shouted "I don't care if it has a penis or not, this was wrong." Then she pulled back the tape and asked me, "Honestly, who's really the pervert here?" I said "You pulled back the tape, you tell me." She yelled at me, then asked "Do you have any idea why she was upset over all of this?" I answered "Because I got her hopes up for seeing a penis and I let her down, so she turned me in for being a tease?" I was already in trouble, what more could my smart ass comments get me? Could being a smart ass make this much worse? I, according to my vice principal, sexually harassed a 12 y.o. girl via snail mail, what more could be done to me??? She yelled. She told me that in her eyes I was the worse student at that school, well, not the worse, Marc was on my level. I didn't get detention or in school suspension. I didn't even have to register for any lists. I had to write an apology letter to the girl, her parents, her teacher and her principal. My rough draft was tossed out because I drew a pic of myself in the corner. The comment of "That is what got you into trouble in the first place." was made as I was told to redo it. I was also put onto special probation. Well, me and Marc were. The "fark up one more time and you will not graduate in May" probation. It was explained as "If you borrow a pencil from someone and forget to say 'thank you' and I find out I'm kicking you out of here and you'll finish up in summer school."

Then a month later we 'borrowed' all of our Economic teacher's pens and pencils and when she asked for them back, we gave them to her. In that we waited until she went to lunch, entered her unlocked classroom, moved her desk to the center of the classroom, stood on her desk and put them all into her ceiling tiles, then moved her desk back from the center of the classroom to the front of the classroom where she had it. So that when she returned she'd see her pens and pencils sticking out of the ceiling. Thankfully, she didn't report us.
 
2012-09-16 03:58:39 AM
i.huffpost.com
 
2012-09-16 05:35:40 AM
I got in trouble in computer class, way back in the late 80's... Of course it was more of a typing class than a computer class, but still...

All of our computers faced each other in 2 rows... I was sitting across from a girl I thought was a real biatch... So, when she wasn't looking, I unplugged her keyboard and plugged mine into hers...

Girl - "Mrs __, my computer isn't working"... Teacher comes over, starts typing, looks at the cord plugged into the back (it was a jumble, so she didn't see the switch)... So I start typing "Leave me alone"... Both sets of eyes bug out, and the teacher starts typing again... So I type "I said leave me alone"... By this time, both of them are backing away from the keyboard, and I start giggling, giving myself away...

Needless to say, I was asked, by the principal, since she was still too pissed at me, to change my elective... Woodworking was much more fun...
 
2012-09-16 06:06:34 AM

7th Son of a 7th Son: About 20 mins before our break we all opened up GW-BASIC and wrote the code to play the William Tell overture, but we did it on a delay. We also looped it, so the first computer played it, then 15 seconds later the 2nd one did, then the 3rd one, and so on. When we all got back from break she was in her office with the door shut, and they were all still playing. She was so pissed off but it was so farking hilarious.


We did something similar. Had a teacher who for some reason had like 20 Apple IIs around the outside of the classroom, but never used them. She left the room for something, so we wrote up BASIC programs on all of them to start playing random pieces of music... delayed enough that it would start during the next class.

Luckily, I had lunch the next period and was able to enjoy through the window. Hilarity did indeed ensue.
 
2012-09-16 09:43:47 AM
i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2012-09-16 10:27:09 AM

Oznog: But "Muggle" IS the polite, proper term.

Now "Mudblood", THAT'S racist.


My understanding is that the terms aren't equivalent. A muggle doesn't do magic, a mudblood is someone who has some muggle blood.
 
2012-09-16 11:39:08 AM

Bathia_Mapes: bingethinker: "Egregious and stentorian flatulence."

I think that was my favorite detention note.


Absolutely! That's one English teacher who knows her shiat!
 
2012-09-16 02:23:17 PM
I am not the reborn Jesus
I am not the reborn Jesus
I am not the reborn Jesus
I am not the reborn Jesus
I am not the reborn Jesus
I am not the reborn Jesus...
 
2012-09-16 04:22:41 PM
Why do you hate baby Jesus?
Why do you hate baby Jesus?
Why do you hate baby Jesus?
Why do you hate baby Jesus?
Why do you hate baby Jesus?
Why do you hate baby Jesus?
 
2012-09-16 07:52:31 PM
A) Those kids are my heroes.
B) My neighbor's kid was suspended when there was an assignment for each student to write what they would put in a time capsule that the school was going to bury that year. His response: "I would pull my pants down, sit on the opening, and take a shiat."
 
2012-09-17 09:45:13 AM
Those kids are going to make fine CEO's one day!
 
2012-09-17 11:27:31 AM

bingethinker: "Egregious and stentorian flatulence."


I didn't know Rush Limbaugh had a kid.

/ Stentorian FTW
 
2012-09-17 11:35:34 AM
It was just a food fight in 5th grade, nothing special, but the punishment, to write 500 times, "I will endeavor to emulate the tenets of Emily Post." has stuck with me for the following 33 years (and I suspect will hand around at least that long again.)
 
2012-09-17 03:29:23 PM
1.bp.blogspot.com
/unavailable for comment
//hotter than a hair boner
///penis
 
Displayed 46 of 46 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »





Report