Like a boss.

Maurice Clarett back in the news

/gotta get my goose on

What is his Fark handle?

i happen to have a buddy that was in the holding tank overnight (a little over intoxicated) when they brought this guy in. apparently when he stole the 17 bottles he just loaded them up in a shopping cart and walked out the front door.

I am surprised by his choice. Usually such a refined thief heads straight for the Smirnoff or McCormick's.

Why on earth would he admit that he sold it, much less to underage people?

I wish I lived somewhere where WalMart sold Grey Goose.

/stupid liquor laws

Tyrion's Favorite Wench: I wish I lived somewhere where WalMart sold Grey Goose.

/stupid liquor laws

Really? Consider your typical Wal Mart run and now imagine adding the type of people who absolutely have to have Knob Creek at discount pricing.

I'll take the side trip to the ABC store.

An Iowa City man is accused of bootlegging a staggering amount of stolen booze.

Ha. "Staggering." Get it?

twiztedjustin: Why on earth would he admit that he sold it, much less to underage people?

Because they'll go "easy" on you if you talk...

Cue the "Don't talk to cops" crowd...

magnus6913: i happen to have a buddy that was in the holding tank overnight (a little over intoxicated) when they brought this guy in. apparently when he stole the 17 bottles he just loaded them up in a shopping cart and walked out the front door.

Legally not one employee can do anything about it. They're not after the one time offenders, but this guy did it multiple times and was reported, noted, and eventually caught.

The store would rather have 17 employees watch a man carry a television out the door then to risk a lawsuit. Observe and report is the only course of action. Stealing is really not an impressive feat.

Mack D. Blumingburg? That's a real name?

Hobo Jr.: Tyrion's Favorite Wench: I wish I lived somewhere where WalMart sold Grey Goose.

/stupid liquor laws

Really? Consider your typical Wal Mart run and now imagine adding the type of people who absolutely have to have Knob Creek at discount pricing.

I'll take the side trip to the ABC store.

Well, I should maybe elaborate. Where I live, you have to buy liquor from a liquor store. And my city for some stupid reason doesn't like liquor to be sold in it's limits (outside of bars) so I have to drive 5+ miles out of my way (either over the county line, or to a neighboring city) to get to a liquor store. And Texas liquor laws, while not as asinine as Pennsylvania's or other states' laws, allow you only to buy liquor during nominal business hours (like 10 AM to 9 PM) Monday thru Saturday and only for like 5 or 6 hours on Sundays. Not that I buy alcohol that much, but if it's a Sunday morning and I'm getting shiat for a shindig that afternoon, I can't buy any alcohol until it's after noon. Which is balls if you ask me. And has been a problem for me once or twice. 

I also don't shop at WalMart, but it would be nice if my grocery store stocked Bailey's then I wouldn't have to go out of my way for it when I want some.

Nickster79: GAH! Only 15 articles left!

/fark paywalls

Just scrub your cookies.

Talos: Mack D. Blumingburg? That's a real name?

Tyrion's Favorite Wench: I wish I lived somewhere where WalMart sold Grey Goose.

/stupid liquor laws

Yeah, I lived in Texas for a while and liquor was only allowed to be sold at liquor stores. I'm back in St. Louis now and Missouri allows liquor to be sold just about everywhere: grocery stores, Wal Mart, gas stations etc. There are still liquor stores, but I wonder sometimes how they compete because their prices are always higher.

When I lived in Danville, IL, there was a CVS on the corner with a beer fridge. One day, I'm standing in line waiting to pay for my stuff when this guy walks in. The cashier starts hollering at him that he has to leave - I figure it's because he's black and she's racist, so I keep my mouth shut.

Dude walks right over to the beer fridge, opens it up (the whole time the clerk is screaming at him, mind you), grabs a 40 oz and just strolls on out. We all look around like, "WTF...?" as she calls the police.

When I finally got up to the counter, I asked the clerk, "How did you know he was going to steal a beer?" She replied, "He comes in here EVERY DAY at the SAME DAMN TIME and does the SAME DAMN THING! You could set your watch by it!"

Being the ever helpful person I am, I suggest to her, "I don't know what good setting a watch would do, but it might not hurt to suggest to our city's finest boys in blue that they show up, oh...say five minutes before he's scheduled to show up? You know, so they can bust him in the act?"

She got the deer in the headlights look, then looked at me like I had dropped some invaluable nugget of knowledge that would forever change the face of our world. The next words out of her mouth were, "I never thought of that! You're pretty smart! I'm going to suggest that they do that!"

It scared the hell out of me that:
A) She never thought of it.
B) The cops never thought of it.
C) This simple solution was considered to be brilliant.

On a side note, I no longer live in Dantucky and will actually go out of my way to avoid driving THROUGH it.

I was in a Walmart in the liquor section and saw this kid, no way he was 21, with a CART full of booze. Like 100+ person party supplies worth. Looked nervous as hell. I knew what he was going to do and watched him punch the cart through the emergency exit, saw a car waiting outside and they loaded that farker so fast it was scary, then took off. Fat arse security guard comes running up, breathing heavy 10 seconds later and realized what happen. Then he looks at me and went "3rd times this week!!!". I was dying.

/CSB

Call me a party pooper or whatever, but I really do not think I would be comfortable around Walmart people with alcohol. It would just be a matter of time before they started showing their gun collection or have their own little Honey Boo Boo hop in your lap breaking your femur. Nope, I will have to pass on that little get-together.

Ensayia: magnus6913: i happen to have a buddy that was in the holding tank overnight (a little over intoxicated) when they brought this guy in. apparently when he stole the 17 bottles he just loaded them up in a shopping cart and walked out the front door.

Legally not one employee can do anything about it. They're not after the one time offenders, but this guy did it multiple times and was reported, noted, and eventually caught.

The store would rather have 17 employees watch a man carry a television out the door then to risk a lawsuit. Observe and report is the only course of action. Stealing is really not an impressive feat.

ImperialHazwife works at WallyWorld. They have a 100# plain clothes security girl who nabs shoplifters all the time. Not saying she'd lay some Jackie Chan on anyone but she absolutely confronts them.

17 bottles at once? Does he have Michelle Duggar's vagina stashed in his pocket?

Ensayia: magnus6913: i happen to have a buddy that was in the holding tank overnight (a little over intoxicated) when they brought this guy in. apparently when he stole the 17 bottles he just loaded them up in a shopping cart and walked out the front door.

Legally not one employee can do anything about it. They're not after the one time offenders, but this guy did it multiple times and was reported, noted, and eventually caught.

The store would rather have 17 employees watch a man carry a television out the door then to risk a lawsuit. Observe and report is the only course of action. Stealing is really not an impressive feat.

Was at a Wal-Mart late one night, walked near the exit, and some big kid comes running up and nearly body-checks me. But he's going PAST me and stands in from of a guy who is walking past the security gate with a bunch of DVDs.
Then like 2 other Wal-Mart employees show up and try to "block" him, but without actually trying to restrain him, ducking every which way to try to stand in front of him. Arms outstretched. He ditches the DVDs in a cart beside the door and starts trying to work around them. Then takes off running to his car, they try to stop him, but stop short of actually standing in front of the car and getting run over.

I'm guessing the guy was probably "known" for doing this, and they spotted him walking though the store. Looks like he just tried to casually walk out with like 6-8 DVDs. I'm like, "don't you know you can just DOWNLOAD THAT SHIAT??"

FTA: Blumingburg was taken into custody and faces charges of second-degree theft and bootlegging.

How about grand theft? The value of the vodka topped $1,600, according to police. Isn't that usually >$1,000? Or does it have to be at once?

/who knows?
//not me!
///cop math!
\\\retail cop math

Police said Blumingburg admitted to four thefts and selling the alcohol for $20 a bottle. He said some of his buyers were underage.


Why admit that?

twiztedjustin: Why on earth would he admit that he sold it, much less to underage people?

1) phone book to the face
2) no bathroom for 48 hours
3) russian roulette
4) stupidity

all possible, they have their ways

51 Shades of Grey Goose.
Sounds like someone was trying to take a funny picture for one of them internet sites.

infinite bottles of pop on the wall
infinite bottles of pop
take one down and pass it around
infinite bottles of pop on the wall


ha ha ha ha

magnus6913: i happen to have a buddy that was in the holding tank overnight (a little over intoxicated) when they brought this guy in. apparently when he stole the 17 bottles he just loaded them up in a shopping cart and walked out the front door.

He walked right
through the door
He did it
Just like that.

Radak: Am I the only person in the world who thinks Grey Goose tastes like horseshiat and most of the brands that cost half as much are way better?

Then again, I live in a country where drinking cheap vodak is practically a national sport.

This - shiat tastes like kerosene - Smirnoff is literally better.

daygloorangeguidoduckface.jpg

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Ensayia: magnus6913: i happen to have a buddy that was in the holding tank overnight (a little over intoxicated) when they brought this guy in. apparently when he stole the 17 bottles he just loaded them up in a shopping cart and walked out the front door.

Legally not one employee can do anything about it. They're not after the one time offenders, but this guy did it multiple times and was reported, noted, and eventually caught.

The store would rather have 17 employees watch a man carry a television out the door then to risk a lawsuit. Observe and report is the only course of action. Stealing is really not an impressive feat.

Yup. Having worked in retail, there is many a fantasy about tazing a shoplifter in the nads. Repeatedly and with unregulated amperage.

I just told one yesterday that if he ever came in my store again I'd take a billy club to his kneecap. Legally I can't do it. If corporate finds out I said it I'll probably get written up. But dammit he comes in every week and steals paint and brushes etc. We KNOW it's him. It pisses me off. Hopefully I scared him. Probably not. I bet he shows up again today.

John Buck 41: jso2897: Radak: Am I the only person in the world who thinks Grey Goose tastes like horseshiat and most of the brands that cost half as much are way better?

Then again, I live in a country where drinking cheap vodak is practically a national sport.

This - shiat tastes like kerosene - Smirnoff is literally better.

I like GG. Smoother than most other vodaks IMO

That's why there's horse racing.

Gotta continue my rant:

My current guy is a real piece of work. His usual deal is to go to one of our stores and buy one item while he steals one. Then he goes to 2 of our other stores and returns each item. Hey, he has a receipt right? So the cashiers give him his money.

He's a dumbass though cause he joined our rewards program. So I've got a record of what he's purchased and what he has returned showing the "buy one return two" scam. There's a paper trail. Idiot. Asset Protection is now involved but I doubt they'll do much.

Me? I'll be happy when he goes back to PMITA Prison and has to get weekly blue baths.

/blue bath: a medical dip prisons use to get your asshole to suck back up in your body after you've been anally raped so often that it sags out. Inmates call it the blue bath because it stains your skin blue.

There's liquor at Wal-Marts?

Wen did this start?

wambu: radiobiz: /blue bath: a medical dip prisons use to get your asshole to suck back up in your body after you've been anally raped so often that it sags out. Inmates call it the blue bath because it stains your skin blue.

And you know this, why?

Don't judge me man.

Seriously, I worked with a guy that spent some time in prison for writing fake prescription scripts. We'd get him drunk and he'd tell all kind of tales.

John Buck 41: jso2897: Radak: Am I the only person in the world who thinks Grey Goose tastes like horseshiat and most of the brands that cost half as much are way better?

Then again, I live in a country where drinking cheap vodak is practically a national sport.

This - shiat tastes like kerosene - Smirnoff is literally better.

I like GG. Smoother than most other vodaks IMO

I toured a distillery recently, small batch kind of place, name doesn't matter. The still-master or whatever the title is, explained how vodka works. He runs it through the activated charcoal filter a few times, tastes it, and if it's still too harsh he runs it through again a few times and/or sets up a new charcoal filter. It's no different than running it through a Brita water filter. The purpose of Vodak is to be a neutral grain spirit, and have no flavor of its own (with rare exceptions). The ONLY difference between a cheap Vodak and a good one, is how many times it went through the filter bed.

When I asked "So, why buy yours at $30 a bottle when I can buy cheap shiat and filter it myself?", he just shrugged.

Looter guy upgraded from Heineken