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(InfoWorld)   The 12 most dreaded help desk requests   (infoworld.com) divider line 42
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17193 clicks; posted to Geek » on 13 Sep 2012 at 2:26 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
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Archived thread
2012-09-13 11:40:03 AM
6 votes:
2012-09-13 03:36:30 PM
4 votes:
I like the responses in this thread that insinuates that a user's life is more important and meaningful than an IT guy's who is working there for the same reason you are: to get money to eat, keep a place to live and have some fun on occasion. Treating your IT guys like shiat is WHY you get these attitudes. It's a give/take process - if you want expedient help then be nice to us and don't treat us like magical fix-it fairies.

You'd be surprised the sheer amount of dumb shiat we're willing to put up with as long as you're willing to work with us rather than simply give up because the dumb box on your desk is too hard to figure out. If you don't want us to be condescending to you then don't give us an attitude when we try to help you.

The reason why we tell you to do the seemingly obvious things first is due to Occam's razor. It's also part of the troubleshooting process. It might end the call right there and you'll be able to go through your day. Even if you've already done it just humor us and do it again or at least lie if you've really done it already before you called.

Another reason why (at least some of us) sometimes use 'technical' jargon when we talk through problems is because we're trying not to insult your intelligence. If you really don't understand us, don't go 'speak English, please' or something equally as rude. A simple 'I don't understand what that means' is fine. If it's relevant to solving the problem and we can do it succinctly enough, we'll explain what words mean. It may even help you in the future.

We're not farking drones. Don't treat us like drones and we'll be absolutely fine with helping you. We'll be as pleasant to you as you are to us. We'll still biatch about the really dumb issues, but every single job in the world has 'dumb shiat we biatch out to our colleagues.' Generally, the problem isn't these issues themselves, but rather, that it's the same users calling about the same problems that are fixed in the same way. People who don't learn are facepalm-worthy to me regardless of what they do for a living, but we'll still help you fix it because that's what we're paid to do. If we vent in our spare time to the internet about it, well, I don't know what to tell you.
2012-09-13 01:02:51 PM
3 votes:
Just in time for customer service week, too, I see. Well, now. I spend the day logging on to other people's PCs and doing things like shrinking the browser that has every farking available tool bar and add on strapped to it like a German lesbian with ADD. Then, I ask them to open their email account so I can attach a file to an email because they were unable to do that, either. You would be amazed at how many of them have not only extremely personal emails open right then and there, but also how many people have rather personal IM windows popping up while I am logged onto their PC. I don't mind helping people out because that is what I do. I like being the most patient tech in the room, and setting an example for the younger kids who get pissed easily when people just can't function. I don't mind hearing a person in an executive position tell me, "I don't know nothing about no computers" because that tells me the economy is doing fine, anyone can get hired. And it tells me I can get hired anywhere, too. I have heard the most outrageous things from customer, but it's all in a day's work. I actually have never had a sit down job before, having been a factory worker, a furniture delivery guy, a UPS guy, a Cop, a baker, a chef, and an antiques dealer before. This job is nice. I get to sit on my ass all day. I wear fancy leather headphones. My Phone is in my PC. I get breaks. They buy cakes. They buy bagels. They throw us parties. I get weekends, nights, and paid vacations off. I cannot complain. I'm employed and others are not. I feel fortunate. I get to work with some of the brightest people in my state, too. But so help me god, the next person who calls me and doesn't know what time zone they are in is going to get a box of horse poop mailed to them.
2012-09-13 12:38:38 PM
3 votes:
Me: "Okay, let me connect to your computer and take a look. What's your computer name?" (we give each machine a specific name in AD, then connect through VNC Viewer, RDP or whatever through that name or IP Address.)

Customer: "Um, I call it Bob."

Me: (HITS MUTE BUTTON) "Oh, you're so farking funny. What a clever wit! Why are you slaving behind a computer instead of selling out Madison Square Garden with your stand-up act every night you farking turd?"

Me: (gritting my teeth) "Oh really? Mine's Fred." (I then hate myself for playing along with this asshole.)

Customer: "Where do I find the computer name? Oh here it is. 'Dell.' "

Me: (pulling my farking hair out) "No, that's the brand. I need the name we gave it. It should be there on your desktop wallpaper or on the sticker on the top of the tower."

Customer: "It's not on my desktop screen. And there is no sticker."

Me: "Oh? What's on your desktop screen?"

Customer: "My email."

Me: (slamming my head on the desk) "No, that's not your desktop wallpaper. Minimize all your open programs and tell me what you see in the lower right hand corner of the screen."

Customer: "Oh! Look at that. It says Computer name......."




Several times a week. And they almost always call their computer Bob. What the fark?
2012-09-13 12:17:38 PM
3 votes:
crystaltips.typepad.com

"Have you tried turning it off, and on again?"
2012-09-13 12:04:11 PM
3 votes:
I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve -

"Yeah, your secure FTP site is dumping me every 30 minutes right in the middle of downloading a large database dump, what's the deal?"

...or...

"Hi, your profiles are set up to prevent programs from creating local files on the local drive and is instead putting them in the virtual store. Could you release that for admin users?"

...or...

"Hey, there's several hundred people who are locked out of the work area and having to record their entry/exit data on paper because the access stations have slowed to a crawl. What's going on?"
2012-09-13 07:06:49 PM
2 votes:

Mr_Fabulous: Oh great, one of these threads again. Wah! I'm being paid to provide a service and some people actually need my help. Wah! I hate being actually useful, I'd rather be a snotty, entitled perpetual adolescent because I know how something works and you don't. Wah!

News flash... Everybody working in the service economy is doing something for clueless clients who probably should know better, yet don't. It's why we keep bringing home paychecks; it's why we're needed in the first place. Get over yourself.


You'd rather your IT guy unload on you someday when you can't figure out the same farking thing he has shown you 100 times already? Fine.

Otherwise, if you don't want to hear IT people complain about clueless users, don't join the thread. There are hundreds on fark over the course of a week, you don't have some kind of 'dibs' on all of them. Don't like it? GTFO, it's that simple.
2012-09-13 03:16:49 PM
2 votes:
I've seen most of those over the years. They left off the one that really irritates me: The "we just hired a bunch of new people and they started today. We need you to get them set up with user accounts and email addresses right away." calls. Mind you the decision to hire these people was made weeks ago and no one thought to ask IT to set up the accounts ahead of time. Thankfully our complaints to HR took care of most of these calls eventually.
2012-09-13 03:10:15 PM
2 votes:
1.bp.blogspot.com

"There's not enough room on my screen for the web. I need a bigger monitor"
2012-09-13 02:51:51 PM
2 votes:
I've seen twenty or more lists of complaints and rants by help desk workers over the years. In fact IT help desk workers may be the most whiny biatchy group of people on the internet outside of the politics tab on Fark. And that's surprising because there are so many jobs out there that are more demanding and irritating but you don't see the people with those jobs complaining and whining nearly as often as IT help desk workers.
2012-09-13 02:42:55 PM
2 votes:
And from the OTHER side of the spectrum:
- The office opens at 9 but you IT people seem to waddle in at 10:30. What gives?
- Can you repeat that instruction WITHOUT a mouthful of Cheetos this time?
- Sorry, I don't know computer lingo. I have a demanding life that requires me to go outside & have sex & stuff.
- That new security systems works great! Even the office employees are blocked out of the system, Q-bert!
- Thanks for being so condescending or `aspie' as you neck-beards call it. (Yeah-yeah, bonafide medical condition...)
- Honestly, my computer is making strange noises. You just can't hear it over your own strange wheezing noises.
2012-09-13 12:10:39 PM
2 votes:
Eff you, slideshow. No clickie.
2012-09-13 11:49:39 AM
2 votes:
Number 7 is way too freakin true. Not a single day passes at work that I don't hear it

/I've been doing this stuff too long
2012-09-14 06:45:07 AM
1 votes:
2012-09-14 02:51:18 AM
1 votes:
Here's an idea:

When we call in with an issue, don't start with the assumption that we're completely retarded. We might actually save you time if you ask us, or allow us to tell you, the actual farking symptoms of the problem.

I know for damned sure that if I can ping-t my router, and your router, and don't drop any packets, but can't trace any farther out, the problem isn't a farking loose ethernet jack. If I can ping any external IP from a command prompt, but not any external website, the problem is not going to be solved by upgrading my farking browser. If I can surf every website in the world besides our corporate site, have cleared my caches, and the problem exists no matter what PC or device I tried to use, and no matter what network I use it from, "you must have done something" isn't a logical farking reponse! If I can't get to my website, can't get to any other websites hosted on the same shared server, but can get to every other website on earth, I can guaran-farking-tee you that the problem is not my farking network card.

One other little suggestion:

If you send me up to Level II support, tell them whatever the fark I just told you, and what you tried that didn't work. Don't make me do the retard shuffle again for the next 15 minutes of my life. If rebooting my PC, my router, and refreshing my IP address didn't work the last two times, and you haven't done anything on your side since the last time I did it, it's not going to farking work the third time.

If I could have the hours of my life back I have spent on the phone with tech support when they farking ignored every word I said the first three times, I think I'd be able to watch all the Star Trek episodes in one sitting. From each series.

/not like I would. voyager sucked.
das
2012-09-13 08:13:34 PM
1 votes:
ID-10-T error.
2012-09-13 07:52:48 PM
1 votes:

Gone In 26 Minutes: We're not farking drones. Don't treat us like drones and we'll be absolutely fine with helping you. We'll be as pleasant to you as you are to us. We'll still biatch about the really dumb issues, but every single job in the world has 'dumb shiat we biatch out to our colleagues.' Generally, the problem isn't these issues themselves, but rather, that it's the same users calling about the same problems that are fixed in the same way. People who don't learn are facepalm-worthy to me regardless of what they do for a living, but we'll still help you fix it because that's what we're paid to do. If we vent in our spare time to the internet about it, well, I don't know what to tell you.


I always tried to be considerate. When I placed a TS call, I'd generally start by thanking them, and saying something along the lines of "I will do everything you ask. I am reasonably clueful, so if you just need me to navigate somewhere, just tell me. If I know how and where, I'll do it. If I don't, I'll ask you. Fair enough?" I dunno if that's exactly what you mean, but everyone was always very nice and patient with me.
2012-09-13 07:27:08 PM
1 votes:

12000Eyes: An IT consumer could never know the feeling of wanting to slap someone with a wet trout because said consumer insists on using a forward slash instead of a back slash in the run box when navigating to a file on the server.

/i've had to say "... SWEAR.TO.GOD you're using the back slash above the enter key! Don't make me come over there!"


Assuming you're dictating the path to the consumer, I have to ask: are you saying something like "C colon slash program files slash..."? If you're actually saying "slash", instead of "backslash", you have only yourself to blame. Technically, there's no such thing as "forward slash". There's just "slash" and "backslash". In English, "slash" - by itself - always means "forward slash".

On the other hand, if you're actually saying "backslash", nevermind. :-)
2012-09-13 06:40:20 PM
1 votes:

Mr_Fabulous: Oh great, one of these threads again. Wah! I'm being paid to provide a service and some people actually need my help. Wah! I hate being actually useful, I'd rather be a snotty, entitled perpetual adolescent because I know how something works and you don't. Wah!

News flash... Everybody working in the service economy is doing something for clueless clients who probably should know better, yet don't. It's why we keep bringing home paychecks; it's why we're needed in the first place. Get over yourself.


So you think it's a bad idea to vent among ourselves?

Who else is there with whom to empathize? I've immensely enjoyed the stories told here; they make me realize that if we all stood in a circle and threw our troubles in the middle, we'd all go huntin' our own.

An IT consumer could never know the feeling of wanting to slap someone with a wet trout because said consumer insists on using a forward slash instead of a back slash in the run box when navigating to a file on the server.

/i've had to say "... SWEAR.TO.GOD you're using the back slash above the enter key! Don't make me come over there!"
2012-09-13 05:39:20 PM
1 votes:

China White Tea: Hiro Nakamura: That's a bullshiat comparison. You're an expert (supposedly) trained in the maintenance and operation of a complex system designed to be used by a user with a minimum level of training.

How many IT guys rely on their 20 year old beater to get them back and forth to work but are clueless when it breaks down?

...except the "I'm not a computer person" utterance is usually used in relation to the computer equivalent of, say, putting gas in your car.


I was thinking the following:

User: "My car isn't working."

Mechanic: "What's the problem?"

User: "It's not working."

Mechanic: "Okay. Exactly what part isn't working?"

User: "The door won't open. I think the handle is broken."

Mechanic: "Okay. Did you try to unlock the car?"

User: "Of course I unlocked the car! I'm not an idiot!"

Mechanic: "Well why don't you try to unlock it again."

User: "I AM NOT AN IDIOT! I PUSHED THE UNLOCK BUTTON SO IT'S UNLOCKED!"

Mechanic: "Have you tried the door key? Your remote might be dead."

User: "Oh. I guess that worked. Sorry, I'm just not a computer car person."
2012-09-13 05:07:09 PM
1 votes:

sure haven't: Gone In 26 Minutes: It's a give/take process - if you want expedient help then be nice to us and don't treat us like magical fix-it fairies.

That right there is the "scary truth" behind IT attitude.
It's. Your. Job.

There is no requirement, aside from the basic human requirement to treat others as you would like to be treated, to do your job. No one needs to be nice to anyone. Just farking take care of it.

We want expediant help because that's what you're being paid for. Does your contract say "we'll pay you $$, and niceys to fix our computers"?


If you're ever put in a position of authority, somebody made the biggest mistake of their lives. You should treat people with respect because it's the right thing to do. All you're trying to do is justify being an asshole, and it makes me feel sorry for the people that have to work with you.
2012-09-13 04:28:23 PM
1 votes:

Gone In 26 Minutes: This is EXACTLY the type of situation I'm talking about. Personally, I try to get a feel for the person's technical expertise as far as giving them the benefit of the doubt goes. If they sound like they know what they're talking about, I'll generally believe them when they say 'I tried that already.' If it just sounds like they're trying to blame me and haven't actually done anything or know what they're talking about, through the hoops they go.


AT&T doesn't have your same outlook. My wife switched us over to AT&T and I noticed after a few days of being on their DSL that I could no longer get email from my webserver. I called AT&T and asked if they had any particular ports blocked that would prevent me from accessing a mail server from outlook.

Sir, did you restart your computer?

Yes, that didn't have any effect. The last time I received an email was before we had AT&T DSL turned on. Are you blocking port 21?

Sir, you have to sign in to AT&T to receive your mail.

I don't have an AT&T email address. I have a personal email on a webserver you don't control. Do you have port 21 blocked, because if you do, I cannot receive emails on that port.

Sir, I'm telling you that you have to sign in to AT&T to receive your email.

And I'm telling you that my email address doesn't belong to AT&T. I've had the same email address for the past umtee-nine years, and I've had AT&T for three days. I can log on to my webserver and see I have mail in the queue, but it will not connect to Outlook. Do you have port 21 blocked?

Sir, you have to go to the AT&T homepage, put in your AT&T account, and then you will get your email from [accountname]@att.com.

Apparently you are retarded. I've been asking you a very pointed question and you are refusing to answer. So I've just now did a port scan, and yes, your router is set to block port 21. I'm going to switch my incoming email port to the alternative port number that you do not have blocked, and my issue is resolved. Thanks for nothing.
2012-09-13 04:11:20 PM
1 votes:

Carth: 13. Absolutely anything

I'm convinced the IT here spends all their time browsing fark since getting them on the phone takes hours and it is easier to just bypass their protections and install whatever I need myself.


This is probably why it takes hours to get the help desk on the phone. They are taking care of other jack wagons like you that installed unapproved software on their systems and now are having all types of conflicts and issues.
2012-09-13 04:05:15 PM
1 votes:

metalunna: "....Please do the needful."


How am I to be of your most helpful assistance?
2012-09-13 03:55:30 PM
1 votes:

Gone In 26 Minutes: I meant lie about things like rebooting your PC, checking connections, etc. If you're absolutely confident you've already done those things and we ask you to do it, just say you're doing it so we can cross it off the list. If you're not sure, of course, then it pays to err on the side of caution and just do what's asked. Remember, we're trying to get people back to work ASAP. We're not making people jump through hoops for amusement.


DO NOT TEACH THE USERS TO LIE!!!

All you are doing is teaching them that it is OK to not follow your instructions. Then they will lie about rebooting their computer anytime they believe that a reboot wont fix the problem.

/are you dense? telling users it's OK to lie about the problems they're having?
//I cannot count the number of times I've been told "I already rebooted it" Only to check the system up-time and it's been on for the past month.
2012-09-13 03:53:33 PM
1 votes:

kid_icarus: I can't believe they left out the most beloved line of all,

I'm not very computer illiterate...

...back in my help desk days, that line was uttered at least 500 times a day, made all the more maddening in that they seemed unaware they were stating the opposite of what they meant, but they all said it like that.


Yeah, the "I'm not a computer person" line always sets me off. The computer is a tool that you use for your job. Can you imagine a carpenter saying "I'm not a hammer person" as he's building your house?
2012-09-13 03:50:33 PM
1 votes:

sure haven't: Gone In 26 Minutes: It's a give/take process - if you want expedient help then be nice to us and don't treat us like magical fix-it fairies.

That right there is the "scary truth" behind IT attitude.
It's. Your. Job.

There is no requirement, aside from the basic human requirement to treat others as you would like to be treated, to do your job. No one needs to be nice to anyone. Just farking take care of it.

We want expediant help because that's what you're being paid for. Does your contract say "we'll pay you $$, and niceys to fix our computers"?


I highlighted the relevant part of your post that should've answered your own question. We're obligated to help you, but we'll be a lot nicer and quicker (that is, we might actually get up an go to your desk and do something quickly for you that might take you a bit longer on your own) if you're nicer to us. If you treat me like shiat, you get the bare minimum that's required of me to solve your problem. If it's a ticket system, your ticket may end up 'accidentally' ending up lower priority on my queue.
2012-09-13 03:45:33 PM
1 votes:
Observing the disdain that many technical support staff have evidently developed for their end-users makes me grateful for my employment servicing individuals who are consistently friendly.

I suspect, though I cannot confirm, that my ruthless policies toward system security may be responsible for my reduced workload.
2012-09-13 03:31:56 PM
1 votes:

Nightsweat: "I think the baby is yours."

Am I the only one who keeps getting that call? Man, just try to pick a category for that ticket.


Well, since she's a waitress, I'd go with "server error"
Ant
2012-09-13 03:18:57 PM
1 votes:
The most annoying problems are the problems that are only problems in the user's mind.

My boss's boss: "Hey, the instruction document I had on my desktop for connecting to VPN and WiFi when travelling has changed!"
Me: "Yeah, we updated them with new info and pushed them out to all laptop users. The new instructions include the old ones"
My boss's boss: "HOW DARE YOU CHANGE A FILE ON MY DESKTOP! I am calling a meeting with you and [boss] right now!!!"
2012-09-13 03:13:36 PM
1 votes:
IT guys do not give a shiat about password resets. They take no time to do.

"whats your username?" *clicky clicky* "ok, your password is now password, and you will have to change it to something else as soon as you login." *close ticket*
2012-09-13 02:55:14 PM
1 votes:

AdolfOliverPanties: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Number 7 is way too freakin true. Not a single day passes at work that I don't hear it

/I've been doing this stuff too long

Agreed. What the hell can you do except clear cookies and temp files, run Malware and Virus scans and maybe reset default settings in the browser? I have only been doing this for about 6-8 years, but I am filled with hatred for most people now.

I am a master of the mute button so I can vent my spleen. If that thing ever breaks, I will be out of a job.


You both still haven't answered why the internet is slow sometimes.

Seriously, you're in charge of all the tech stuff, but hate people for asking you the tech questions??

When the internet is cripplingly slow, it stops the productivity of everyone. Not everyone is in your super secret club of knowledge, so we don't know why it's slow. I can't count how many times there has been a problem with our routers here, which they finally begrudgingly checked after being bothered by it by the manager.

Little less snark and hatred, little more helpfulness and warmth.
2012-09-13 02:53:34 PM
1 votes:

Grither: FTFA:
4. "How do I stop all these system updates?"

8. "My computer has a virus, but I clicked the prompt to update my antivirus software yesterday."

Ok IT guys, seriously, you can't have your cake and eat it, too. Choose one of these things to not happen, and I will be happy to comply. But you can't tell me to update my computer every time AND tell me NOT to click update whenever it comes up. That is literally impossible.

/stupid IT jerks


You're either trolling or you don't know the difference between a legitimate push and a malware popup.
2012-09-13 02:53:26 PM
1 votes:

UberDave: leftteffticle: UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve

Truth. Any issue I can actually solve quickly and get the person on their way is a good one, no matter how annoying or trivial.

Not only that - they may be clueless but if you solve their problem they will be happy as a pig in shiat.


Truth.. it amuses me to no end that people think I am some kind of a superwoman, genius, or magician because I can do things for them that are extremely simple (to me) but insurmountable tasks to them. I work for a university so I'm generally dealing with a pool of PhD students and professors (which, I know, I know.. doesn't mean they're actually intelligent, but they're SmartTM) and it's basically the greatest thing when some Important Guy gushes over me for 5 minutes because I rebooted his computer and things worked again or something like that.
2012-09-13 02:46:08 PM
1 votes:

Glenford: What about the moronic answers that we users get from the "help" desk? My two favourites are:

1. Hang on while I google that
2. I dunno, have you tried re-booting it?


If more people actually did that for most requests just imagine how efficient things would be. Google for a man and he'll search for the day, teach a man to google and somehow he'll end up at some weird porn site that makes German midget scat porn look like softcore.
2012-09-13 01:39:03 PM
1 votes:
I cannot believe the left out the utter classic!

Is the Internet down?
2012-09-13 01:03:00 PM
1 votes:
"I'm legally blind, but I'm a confident and fiercely independent woman. I'm new on this job and I DON'T want anyone thinking they made a bad hire, so don't even ask me to bring in a co-worker. I can't see my screen beyond a slight glow and have literally never worked with computers before. Now then, I'm told that our monthly reports are not uploading correctly, and that is all I know. What do I have to do to fix it?"

The call that lasted FOREVER.
2012-09-13 12:47:08 PM
1 votes:

AdolfOliverPanties: Me: "Okay, let me connect to your computer and take a look. What's your computer name?" (we give each machine a specific name in AD, then connect through VNC Viewer, RDP or whatever through that name or IP Address.)

Customer: "Um, I call it Bob."

Me: (HITS MUTE BUTTON) "Oh, you're so farking funny. What a clever wit! Why are you slaving behind a computer instead of selling out Madison Square Garden with your stand-up act every night you farking turd?"

Me: (gritting my teeth) "Oh really? Mine's Fred." (I then hate myself for playing along with this asshole.)

Customer: "Where do I find the computer name? Oh here it is. 'Dell.' "

Me: (pulling my farking hair out) "No, that's the brand. I need the name we gave it. It should be there on your desktop wallpaper or on the sticker on the top of the tower."

Customer: "It's not on my desktop screen. And there is no sticker."

Me: "Oh? What's on your desktop screen?"

Customer: "My email."

Me: (slamming my head on the desk) "No, that's not your desktop wallpaper. Minimize all your open programs and tell me what you see in the lower right hand corner of the screen."

Customer: "Oh! Look at that. It says Computer name......."



Several times a week. And they almost always call their computer Bob. What the fark?


My computer doesn't have none of that stuff (translation: "I'm too lazy to look"). Can't you just send someone to look at it? No, I mean send them right now! What do you mean I have to wait? Don't you have someone down there who can come RIGHT NOW?? I can't hear my music without the sound on my computer!
2012-09-13 12:25:11 PM
1 votes:
Anything following "could you help me" would make the list
2012-09-13 12:20:19 PM
1 votes:
"What were you doing at the time this happened?"

"Nothing"

Sign me up! I'd like a job that entails doing nothing.

Truth be told. I've had jobs wherein I didn't actually have anything to do. Those jobs sucked.
2012-09-13 12:14:43 PM
1 votes:
No helldesk thread is complete without the following:

The Website is Down (NSFW Language)

Go on, you know you want to watch it again. What else were you going to do this close to lunch? Work? Pffft.
2012-09-13 12:04:04 PM
1 votes:

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Number 7 is way too freakin true. Not a single day passes at work that I don't hear it

/I've been doing this stuff too long


Agreed. What the hell can you do except clear cookies and temp files, run Malware and Virus scans and maybe reset default settings in the browser? I have only been doing this for about 6-8 years, but I am filled with hatred for most people now.

I am a master of the mute button so I can vent my spleen. If that thing ever breaks, I will be out of a job.
 
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