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(InfoWorld)   The 12 most dreaded help desk requests   (infoworld.com) divider line 337
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17191 clicks; posted to Geek » on 13 Sep 2012 at 2:26 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-13 08:20:37 PM

FarkinOgre: All these remarks telling IT guys to get over it... I bet you farkers NEVER complain about your jobs.


Sure we do...we complain about dealing with IT!
 
2012-09-13 08:20:45 PM
13. "I just read the last story I will ever read from InfoWorld. Can you help me navigate away from the ad-infested page?"
 
2012-09-13 08:21:41 PM

FarkinOgre: "Backslash, that's the one above the enter key and below the backspace key."


You have to watch out with that, though. On keyboards with L-shaped enter keys (which I personally hate), the backslash is to the left of the backspace.
 
2012-09-13 08:23:32 PM

GratuityIncluded: 13. "I just read the last story I will ever read from InfoWorld. Can you help me navigate away from the ad-infested page?"


I don't see any ads

/Chrome and AD Block
 
2012-09-13 09:00:07 PM
Ok, I've had to call IT for stuff before. But since they usually log into my computer via VPN (I think that's what it is...I'm not a 'computer person'), I pay attention to what they're doing and take notes so I can fix it myself next time. It's pretty damn rare I have to call them twice for the same issue.

Am I really the only person who does this? Nothing personal against our help desk, I just have better things to do with my day than be on the phone with them.
 
2012-09-13 09:01:37 PM

Mikey1969: Because People in power are Stupid: YixilTesiphon: Because People in power are Stupid: YixilTesiphon: TsarTom: "I'm legally blind, but I'm a confident and fiercely independent woman. I'm new on this job and I DON'T want anyone thinking they made a bad hire, so don't even ask me to bring in a co-worker. I can't see my screen beyond a slight glow and have literally never worked with computers before. Now then, I'm told that our monthly reports are not uploading correctly, and that is all I know. What do I have to do to fix it?"

The call that lasted FOREVER.

Come on, you can't leave us hanging like that. Did you immediately send an email to her supervisor? What happened?

Yeah, hopefully she got fired for being handicapped. Those people have all the advantages of special parking (Damned government intervention). What business did she have calling a technical support line anyways?

I know everything I say makes you foam at the mouth with rage, but are you suggesting that they should have kept a woman who can't use a computer at this job which requires using a computer?

When I worked at a hospital in Phoenix, we had a speech pathologist who was blind. Most people who are blind need to learn how to solve things by themselves, so that when there is nobody around to help _ they are not dead in the water.


I do believe that she had to take extensive notes on a computer as part of her job. Her blindness was not the whole of what defined her career.

That being said, the idea that some technical support person from some company should try to get some blind person fired because helping them is inconvenient -is repulsive... Kinda like your worldview.

This one is a tough call... Yes, if she misrepresented herself, then she shouldn't have a job, but at the same time, disabled people have to work twice as hard to prove that they are not a liability that this woman may have just been overcompensating. She still should have had a sighted person around to help verify stuff. Just ...


Here's the deal. A speech pathologist is not an everyday sort of "schlub job". They are actually quite professional and there is more of an art to it than let's say -delivering margaritas to drunks. In fact it requires the ability to detect pathology by using your ears. Some people are better at it than others.

That being said, this person is pretty much on the "needed" level as a nurse or a physical therapist. So if that person needs specialized help with using a computer -then she should get it.

Now, if the people misrepresenting their skills with technical support can't provide support to someone because they are blind -then they should advertise it or at least display it in their contract. Otherwise, spend the farkin' time with the blind person to help them.
 
2012-09-13 09:18:34 PM

SirTanon: ... they also left this sort of thing off.. something I see at least twice a month...

User: "Hi, my computer is broken. I can't do anything.."

Me: "What exactly do you mean? It won't boot? It won't power on? or...?"

User: "It won't work."

... What the user is actually talking about:

[benchmarkreviews.com image 600x400]

How many times do I have to tell them, that's a monitor.

...

oh yeah, and THIS is a COMPUTER, __NOT__ a "hard drive"

[cybertoothtech.com image 400x400]

Pet peeve, yes... but it gets old after a while, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.


A user who had been issued a laptop computer sent an email stating that she would prefer a hard drive for working in the office. I was prepared to deliver a bare hard drive to her, but my supervisor forbade me from doing so.

I suggested, as an alternative, that I deliver a hard drive in an enclosure.
 
2012-09-13 09:21:37 PM
I'll jump in.

Ages ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I worked for a computer retailer. A guy buys an expensive Powerbook (as if there was/is any other kind), and comes in two weeks later blowing his top. "This computer is dead, I want my money back!" I mean, raising a total riot, yelling about how we suck, etc. I try to calm him down, and he's having none of it, so I ask if I can have the computer and have one of our techs take a look. Fine. He takes his receipt while my PHB (pointy haired boss, for those non-monks) proceeds with the refund.

I take the laptop back to our service techs, ask them to give it a quick look. Not 45 seconds later, a guy walks out with the powerbook in a bag. "I'm not touching it." I'm like "Wha whaaaa?" He says "Dude, smell inside the bag". I do.

"Dude... Is that... that smells like jizz."

"The guy spooged on the keyboard. I'm not touching that thing."

Oooh, I'm all smiles. I walk back out and interrupt the manager mid refund. In a very conspiratorial, all smiles way, I lean in to the guy. "Sir. Sir... C'mere." He leans in. "Did you get it on the keyboard?"

Suddenly the guy is no longer Mr. I'm Getting My farking Money Back, and he whispers to me "Uh... yeah."

"I'm sorry, sir, but we can't take back a computer with jizz all over the keyboard."

"What am I supposed to tell my wife?!"

"That's between Sir and Mrs. Sir, sir."

Fast forward. I tell this tale to a co-worker. He laughs with gusto. Not even a month later, I get a panicked call from him. He's opened a can of diet Coke and it sprayed all over his laptop. I pelt over, see Coke everywhere, make sure he'd followed my instructions to unplug it and yank the battery. I remove the keyboard. None had gotten through. All good. Call Dell, new keyboard on the way.

As he lets out a HUGE sigh of relief, I look at him totally deadpan and say "Sir... Did you get it on the keyboard?" "I didn't spunk on the farking keyboard!"

Go back to the office. Tell EVERYONE the whole story. He comes back to the main office later that day. Moment he walks in, someone says "Dude... You got it on the keyboard?"

That's one of the many reasons my server room has sturdy locks.
 
2012-09-13 09:23:56 PM

Because People in power are Stupid: Now, if the people misrepresenting their skills with technical support can't provide support to someone because they are blind -then they should advertise it or at least display it in their contract. Otherwise, spend the farkin' time with the blind person to help them.


Spoken like a person who truly thinks that they are the center of the universe. There are more people at the company than the single blind person. If she can't handle the basic functions of the computer, and basic computer usage is a requirement, then she is not qualified for the job. If they just introduced computers at the company, then the users have a point. Otherwise, you might want to think about how many other people need IT help on a minute by minute basis before you dedicate someone to read a creen for someone else who is too arrogant to admit that they can't read it.
 
2012-09-13 09:44:42 PM

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: I do some on the side repair jobs (mostly friends-of-friends to get a little extra spending cash), and I ALWAYS ask "Is there going to be anything I don't WANT to find (porn)?"

Answer: "No, I don't look at that stuff"

If they lied, it costs extra AND I take a screenshot of the offending item for my collection. It goes in my "Oh Internet" folder.


I have been thinking about doing data recovery and side repair jobs. What's the protocol if you find pron of the underage nature?

I will gladly offer judgment-free recovery, except for the above mentioned, but what does the law say? Will I be sent to federal PMITA prison?
 
2012-09-13 09:47:58 PM
3.bp.blogspot.com

My printer squeaks. 

Granted I'm sure this was staged but I've found a whole host of weird things in printers/copiers ranging from the mundane, paper clips, to the unusual, bird feathers, and the down right, wtf, condom (thankfully sealed in the wrapper still)
 
2012-09-13 10:06:24 PM
Your password is now d1Pshiat you dipshiat.
 
2012-09-13 10:13:53 PM

Fish in a Barrel: As a developer, number 7 is really a pain in the ass. I go through a lot of effort to make sure any error messages are detailed and helpful, but no one reads them.


Apparently I've never had the opportunity to use any of your software. All i get is "Error 1603", then it's up to me to try to figure out what the actual problem is (let alone the solution.)
 
2012-09-13 10:20:56 PM

WitchyWoman: GratuityIncluded: 13. "I just read the last story I will ever read from InfoWorld. Can you help me navigate away from the ad-infested page?"

I don't see any ads

/Chrome and AD Block


haha no thanks
 
2012-09-13 10:25:22 PM
I supervise the tech support department of a company that sells CNC cutting technology. When IT people call me for help they are the WORST people to work with. Our equipment requires a host computer and they always refer to the host computer as the machine. No, bright boy. That giant table with an automated laser cutting head is a machine. The host is a computer.

Which is not to say these most dreaded questions didn't resonate with me. "Enroute is saving job files with the wrong extension." "Then somebody must have changed a setting." "No, nobody changed anything; it just started happening." Why do people think software does stuff to itself?
 
2012-09-13 10:57:23 PM
Helpdesk sends us a ticket that a user wants 10+ IP's whitelisted with no details.
Some digging turns up that they're mailserver IP's that they want. (wtf?)
Rooting thru blocked inbound emails shows a lot of blacklisted emails that are suddenly not blasted all over our domain, but now directed at a few people.
Some more digging tuns out a live the stereotype department head had signed up (and paid for) some sort of conferencing software promotion service without checking with *anyone*.

How this was done since 2 months before a dept director had reported (correctly) that this "service" was spamming & had them blocked, I dunno.

/another classic...user does not know PC name or IP...coming up from the helpdesk w/a issue
//static IP's
///labeled PC's/
////helpdesk has instructions re: ipconfig
\\\arrgghhh
 
2012-09-13 11:17:22 PM
nytmare
Fish in a Barrel:
As a developer, number 7 is really a pain in the ass. I go through a lot of effort to make sure any error messages are detailed and helpful, but no one reads them.

Apparently I've never had the opportunity to use any of your software. All i get is "Error 1603", then it's up to me to try to figure out what the actual problem is (let alone the solution.)


I'm always for spicing up error messages to make people read and remember bits of them.
I had a friend/colleague ask me to look into some weird issue because "You'll probably figure this one out a lot faster than me - the error message sounds like you were the one who wrote it." (okay, we were only four people working on that project, so the choices were rather limited).


Alright, it's mostly just because my teen-aged self enjoyed playing a computer game which used some rather unusual messages and dialog options; think stuff like replacing "Ok" and "Cancel" on confirmation dialogs like "Do you REALLY want to delete savegame 'xyz123'?" with something like "YES, now get to it already!" and "OhGodOhGodOhGod NO!!!"
 
2012-09-13 11:25:31 PM
13. Help my desk is killing me!
 
2012-09-13 11:31:00 PM

DanZero: Deslidified


You, sir, are a cellphone hero.
 
2012-09-13 11:33:39 PM

ProfessorOhki: 12000Eyes: An IT consumer could never know the feeling of wanting to slap someone with a wet trout because said consumer insists on using a forward slash instead of a back slash in the run box when navigating to a file on the server.

Of sure, be annoyed with the consumer because they actually do things properly.
[static.flickr.com image 599x196]


Alas; the business world is steeped in left-tilted Winders.
 
2012-09-13 11:51:28 PM

Mikey1969: Because People in power are Stupid: Now, if the people misrepresenting their skills with technical support can't provide support to someone because they are blind -then they should advertise it or at least display it in their contract. Otherwise, spend the farkin' time with the blind person to help them.

Spoken like a person who truly thinks that they are the center of the universe. There are more people at the company than the single blind person. If she can't handle the basic functions of the computer, and basic computer usage is a requirement, then she is not qualified for the job. If they just introduced computers at the company, then the users have a point. Otherwise, you might want to think about how many other people need IT help on a minute by minute basis before you dedicate someone to read a creen for someone else who is too arrogant to admit that they can't read it.


Spoken like someone who doesn't work in IT. If you place such a high importance on the IT trainer rather than the person being trained, ie the trained -then how much should they get paid? A speech pathologist makes about $66,920. vs IT support : $46,337. So if we are going by strictly numbers, IT support is less valued.

But since we are also talking about farked up attitudes and spraying invective venom about. I should say that I farking hire IT staff constantly, in fact you could say that I am a hiring manager. With that attitude towards your fellow worker, I wouldn't hire you to tie your own shoes. But whatever, we know that you are some undergraduate dud, with no experience and no real useful knowledge whatsoever. And furthermore, you are the reason that the US is outsourcing their labor. So maybe you ought to rethink IT as a career.
 
2012-09-14 12:02:11 AM

Freschel: FTFA: 3. "Isn't it time for my computer to be upgraded?"

That's an easy question. The answer is yes. After an hour you bought that computer.

I r so funny


The answer is yes if it's been 6+ years since the PC was bought. There's no excuse for demanding an employee use outdated crap unless you want to fire them.
 
2012-09-14 12:13:03 AM
Well, to be fair, the IT staff at my High School was questionable.
We got free Laptops (public school), but they broke all the time. The person in charge of repair only had one solution to every problem the laptop had- reformat.
"Monitor is cracked? Reformat"
"You say the RAM is bad? Reformat"

Not to mention the people who were the IT guys in training (two people got preferential treatment and got to work on the school computers), were complete douchebags.
 
2012-09-14 12:33:36 AM

Rockstone: Well, to be fair, the IT staff at my High School was questionable.
We got free Laptops (public school), but they broke all the time. The person in charge of repair only had one solution to every problem the laptop had- reformat.
"Monitor is cracked? Reformat"
"You say the RAM is bad? Reformat"


If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

(That guy needed a hammer so that he could add to his arsenal.)
 
2012-09-14 12:35:30 AM

dramboxf: Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: "Is there going to be anything I don't WANT to find (porn)?"

Yeah, my last gig as an IT Manager was for a company owned by a born-again Christian. One of our salespeople is gay. Working on his laptop, I found some (a huge shiat-ton) of gay porn. Job requirement was to report any "improper" programs or data found on company-owned equipment.

THAT was an aaaaawkward conversation.


Almost exact same situation except I found kiddie porn. I was blushing while reporting it.
 
2012-09-14 12:35:54 AM
I despise lists like this.

The suggestion is that IT Support is above the needs of its users. In my world view, if anyone in the company can't produce because of a technical problem, it is my job to fix it. That's it and treat the user with respect.

As a member of the software development team we are assigned help desk days above and beyond what is handled by pc support. These days include evening and weekend support.

For me it very satisfying to close a trouble ticket out...knowing that I tapped every resource to solve the problem.
 
2012-09-14 12:40:28 AM

ProfessorOhki: No, she should have probably been fired for never having worked with a computer before. If she was hired for a job that was heavy on their use either 1) HR did a crappy job or 2) She lied about her skills. Given how quick she was to try to hide things from her manager and co-worker, I'd lean towards 2. Not to say that one shouldn't have tried to assist with accessibility, but if after that, you kept getting calls because she actually lacked the requisite skills for the job... pretty sure that most IT departments aren't there to provide basic office skills training.


Since we're speaking hypothetically about some imaginary person; then pretend that after she lied to everyone and got fired that she had her eyes replaced with bionic devices that allowed her to do everyone's job twice as fast. She was then Rehired and everyone who got her fired in the first place is now looking for work.


See how easy things become with hypothetical arguments? No, I don't suppose you do.
 
2012-09-14 12:53:55 AM

Because People in power are Stupid: Rockstone: Well, to be fair, the IT staff at my High School was questionable.
We got free Laptops (public school), but they broke all the time. The person in charge of repair only had one solution to every problem the laptop had- reformat.
"Monitor is cracked? Reformat"
"You say the RAM is bad? Reformat"

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

(That guy needed a hammer so that he could add to his arsenal.)


Of what use would a hammer be should the technician not be a hammer person?
 
2012-09-14 12:55:21 AM
Ahh yes, the physical printer issues, bane of tech support professionals everywhere. Yeah I don't know if you've realized this Mr. / Ms. End-User, but you're in Seattle, WA and I'm in freaking Dallas, TX, so WTF exactly do you expect me to do about it?!?!?! You know that phone number that's in your local corporate directory for on-site support? Yeah, the one that is RIGHT NEXT TO the general support number? Why don't you try giving them a call first, ya freaking halfwit! Jeebus Crist, you people design freaking airliners and satellites and fighter jets & shiat. You'd think that you would be smart enough to figure this out on your own instead of interrupting my breakfast that I have to eat at the office because the company just downsized AGAIN and now I have mandatory pre- and post-shift overtime, coupled with impossibly stupid call metric requirements that force me to put a band-aid on your problems instead of taking the necessary time to actually fix them!!

/I gotta find a new line of work.
 
2012-09-14 12:58:19 AM
Had a maddening experience with a Verizon tech who was sent out to figure out why my 35Mb/sec link was only operating at 15Mb/sec. She unplugged the RJ-45 from my router and plugged it directly in to her laptop and brought up the NIC configuration on her laptop (I have business class FIOS with static IPs so no DHCP for me) to run some speed tests:

Her: "What is your router's IP address?"
Me: "I think you mean my default, route, correct?"
Her: "No, your router's IP address."
Me: "My router's IP address won't help us since it's now disconnected from the network."
Her: "So what's your router's IP address?" (pointing to my FreeBSD box)
Me: "Listen, you JUST DISCONNECTED MY ROUTER. Setting your computer up to talk to it is not what you want. You want the default route."
Her: Shaking her head, "Hang on". Calls up someone, enters in the default route after someone gave it to her. "See? There's your router's address."
Me: "That is my DEFAULT ROUTE. That is *VERIZON'S* router. My *ROUTER* forwards to THAT IP address. You asked me for *MY* router's IP address."

There were several more gaffaes, asking me for my "DNS server", also on my router, which was disconnected. I said "Doesn't matter, use a root name server, like 4.2.2.1 or something. We aren't dealing with DNS issues." blank stare "What's your DNS server's address?" Her solution to everything was, if you didn't answer her question verbatim, was to just repeat the question. Come to think of it, I'm not even sure it was a 'her'.

I eventually shouted her out enough and told her to leave and get someone competent out there. About an hour later, I got another tech, who, in about 2 minutes, figured out that my ONT couldn't do anything more than 15Mb and would have to be swapped.

Bottom line, tech support people - if you see that someone knows more than you, STOP READING FROM YOUR DAMNED SCRIPT AND ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT WHAT THE PROBLEM MIGHT BE. Even if you don't know the answers, you can at least recognize when someone else knows more than you do, and to pass them off to someone who knows more than you do.

/worked in tech support in the late 80s. Shudder...
 
2012-09-14 01:01:40 AM

Because People in power are Stupid: I should say that I farking hire IT staff constantly, in fact you could say that I am a hiring manager.


So I could safely say that you are a "person in power"...

At least you got the fark handle right.
 
2012-09-14 01:02:39 AM

Gone In 26 Minutes: fluffy2097: Gone In 26 Minutes: at least lie

NEVER LIE TO IT! NEVER EVER!

I meant lie about things like rebooting your PC, checking connections, etc. If you're absolutely confident you've already done those things and we ask you to do it, just say you're doing it so we can cross it off the list. If you're not sure, of course, then it pays to err on the side of caution and just do what's asked. Remember, we're trying to get people back to work ASAP. We're not making people jump through hoops for amusement.


Too often, you're making people jump through hoops because you're running off a script in front of you and can't, for a minute, actually troubleshoot a problem without a flowchart in front of you.
 
2012-09-14 01:02:44 AM

DanZero: Deslidified


I ..... I think I love you.


YAY Deslidified!
 
2012-09-14 01:07:04 AM

Dimensio: Because People in power are Stupid: Rockstone: Well, to be fair, the IT staff at my High School was questionable.
We got free Laptops (public school), but they broke all the time. The person in charge of repair only had one solution to every problem the laptop had- reformat.
"Monitor is cracked? Reformat"
"You say the RAM is bad? Reformat"

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

(That guy needed a hammer so that he could add to his arsenal.)

Of what use would a hammer be should the technician not be a hammer person?


From an IT support perspective, you could just lay it down on a table amidst the office. Perhaps have special instructions located somewhere in the customer support script where the support personnel describe the use of a hammer and suggest it's use to someone who has a problem with their laptop. They could just be on the phone with some customer. They may use the physical device to describe it to the person they're helping and then tell them to get one. The call would almost be done at the point when they get the user to pry apart their laptop and start beating the different components with the dull end. As a final step, have them ship the broken device back to the manufacturer (Customer support level II). Within weeks the manufacturer will replace the malfunctioning device (with a surcharge) and the whole process will reset itself.
 
2012-09-14 01:08:09 AM

Mikey1969: Because People in power are Stupid: I should say that I farking hire IT staff constantly, in fact you could say that I am a hiring manager.

So I could safely say that you are a "person in power"...

At least you got the fark handle right.


Uh, huh. that's original. Dullard.
 
2012-09-14 01:34:03 AM

OddLlama: dramboxf: Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: "Is there going to be anything I don't WANT to find (porn)?"

Yeah, my last gig as an IT Manager was for a company owned by a born-again Christian. One of our salespeople is gay. Working on his laptop, I found some (a huge shiat-ton) of gay porn. Job requirement was to report any "improper" programs or data found on company-owned equipment.

THAT was an aaaaawkward conversation.

Almost exact same situation except I found kiddie porn. I was blushing while reporting it.


Did you get it on the keyboard?
 
2012-09-14 02:18:53 AM
I do online support for a known ISP. Basically our customers call in for support, the only restrictions are 1--we must be able to connect to the customers computer with a hardline, and 2--we cant work on the LAN drivers

(cust calling in because they need to connect their laptop to the wifi)
me: Sir, can you connect your laptop to the router with a network cable?
cust ; Oh its connected...
me: excellent, open up internet explorer please
cust: but i dont have an internet connection
me: even with your laptop connected to the router with a cable?
cust: its wireless, it doesnt need a cable
(facepalm)

or going thru 30 minutes of getting remotely connected to customer, checking the router and computer, only to find the wifi switch is off, then arguing for 30 minutes with said customer about the existence of a wifi switch, only to hear 20 minutes later, 'oh whats this button do?' then see the graphic on the screen as the wifi suddenly oes on, and the laptop "magically" connects 

just the other night i had gone through 45 minutes of a customer troubleshooting as the cal progressed, i found the customer really had no idea what i meant by instructions like:

right click
drag and drop
hit the "enter"key (no lie)
open your browser
close your browser
reboot


im convinced most people shouldnt own a PC, shouldnt own a smartphone, and should just have 2 cans on a string, or bang 2 rocks togeter
 
2012-09-14 02:51:18 AM
Here's an idea:

When we call in with an issue, don't start with the assumption that we're completely retarded. We might actually save you time if you ask us, or allow us to tell you, the actual farking symptoms of the problem.

I know for damned sure that if I can ping-t my router, and your router, and don't drop any packets, but can't trace any farther out, the problem isn't a farking loose ethernet jack. If I can ping any external IP from a command prompt, but not any external website, the problem is not going to be solved by upgrading my farking browser. If I can surf every website in the world besides our corporate site, have cleared my caches, and the problem exists no matter what PC or device I tried to use, and no matter what network I use it from, "you must have done something" isn't a logical farking reponse! If I can't get to my website, can't get to any other websites hosted on the same shared server, but can get to every other website on earth, I can guaran-farking-tee you that the problem is not my farking network card.

One other little suggestion:

If you send me up to Level II support, tell them whatever the fark I just told you, and what you tried that didn't work. Don't make me do the retard shuffle again for the next 15 minutes of my life. If rebooting my PC, my router, and refreshing my IP address didn't work the last two times, and you haven't done anything on your side since the last time I did it, it's not going to farking work the third time.

If I could have the hours of my life back I have spent on the phone with tech support when they farking ignored every word I said the first three times, I think I'd be able to watch all the Star Trek episodes in one sitting. From each series.

/not like I would. voyager sucked.
 
2012-09-14 02:54:21 AM

Silvyrbug: I do online support for a known ISP. Basically our customers call in for support, the only restrictions are 1--we must be able to connect to the customers computer with a hardline, and 2--we cant work on the LAN drivers

(cust calling in because they need to connect their laptop to the wifi)
me: Sir, can you connect your laptop to the router with a network cable?
cust ; Oh its connected...
me: excellent, open up internet explorer please
cust: but i dont have an internet connection
me: even with your laptop connected to the router with a cable?
cust: its wireless, it doesnt need a cable
(facepalm)

or going thru 30 minutes of getting remotely connected to customer, checking the router and computer, only to find the wifi switch is off, then arguing for 30 minutes with said customer about the existence of a wifi switch, only to hear 20 minutes later, 'oh whats this button do?' then see the graphic on the screen as the wifi suddenly oes on, and the laptop "magically" connects 

just the other night i had gone through 45 minutes of a customer troubleshooting as the cal progressed, i found the customer really had no idea what i meant by instructions like:

right click
drag and drop
hit the "enter"key (no lie)
open your browser
close your browser
reboot


im convinced most people shouldnt own a PC, shouldnt own a smartphone, and should just have 2 cans on a string, or bang 2 rocks togeter


***

While I can appreciate your frustration with this customer, I would posit that if it took you a 30 minute argument with the end-user to eventually have him figure out that he didn't have his wifi adapter turned on in the first place, you suck at your job and should find another line of work. I'm sorry my friend, but that fark-up was entirely on you, and you need to reevaluate your troubleshooting skills.
 
2012-09-14 05:33:11 AM
"I dont know anything about computers"

try. JUST TRY. All I ask. and stop calling yourself stupid. If first graders can get something that you cant get because you refuse to try, it makes you LAZY, not stupid.
 
2012-09-14 05:54:59 AM

Dimensio: AdolfOliverPanties: Me: "Okay, let me connect to your computer and take a look. What's your computer name?" (we give each machine a specific name in AD, then connect through VNC Viewer, RDP or whatever through that name or IP Address.)

Customer: "Um, I call it Bob."

Me: (HITS MUTE BUTTON) "Oh, you're so farking funny. What a clever wit! Why are you slaving behind a computer instead of selling out Madison Square Garden with your stand-up act every night you farking turd?"

Me: (gritting my teeth) "Oh really? Mine's Fred." (I then hate myself for playing along with this asshole.)

Customer: "Where do I find the computer name? Oh here it is. 'Dell.' "

Me: (pulling my farking hair out) "No, that's the brand. I need the name we gave it. It should be there on your desktop wallpaper or on the sticker on the top of the tower."

Customer: "It's not on my desktop screen. And there is no sticker."

Me: "Oh? What's on your desktop screen?"

Customer: "My email."

Me: (slamming my head on the desk) "No, that's not your desktop wallpaper. Minimize all your open programs and tell me what you see in the lower right hand corner of the screen."

Customer: "Oh! Look at that. It says Computer name......."



Several times a week. And they almost always call their computer Bob. What the fark?

I avoid such issues by using an automated inventory system that enables me to search user names and retrieve a list of computers that they have recently accessed.



Our enterprise programmers set up a system that. if a call is placed from the call center floor or from a known user extention, the system pops computer name into a call staging program as soon as the call is picked up. Other info like service tags, project info, and call histories just magically appear and can be used to autogenerate a ticket if the help desk would like, or a different button can be used to pull up that machines open tickets, or pull a current screen shot from the target machine and drop it into help desk program.

/ we had to WORK when I did help desk.
// onion on the belt, lawn gaurdian, yeah...
 
2012-09-14 06:02:47 AM

Theaetetus: IT hates us... a whole department of people who know significantly more about their jobs than they do (including many of us who used to do IT).


if you USED to be in IT, you should know the MOST annoying users are the ones who used to be in IT, cause, hey, guess what, IT changes REAL fast. Ive never met an ex-IT guy who had the slightest clue.
 
2012-09-14 06:11:31 AM

I sound fat: Dimensio: AdolfOliverPanties: Me: "Okay, let me connect to your computer and take a look. What's your computer name?" (we give each machine a specific name in AD, then connect through VNC Viewer, RDP or whatever through that name or IP Address.)

Customer: "Um, I call it Bob."

Me: (HITS MUTE BUTTON) "Oh, you're so farking funny. What a clever wit! Why are you slaving behind a computer instead of selling out Madison Square Garden with your stand-up act every night you farking turd?"

Me: (gritting my teeth) "Oh really? Mine's Fred." (I then hate myself for playing along with this asshole.)

Customer: "Where do I find the computer name? Oh here it is. 'Dell.' "

Me: (pulling my farking hair out) "No, that's the brand. I need the name we gave it. It should be there on your desktop wallpaper or on the sticker on the top of the tower."

Customer: "It's not on my desktop screen. And there is no sticker."

Me: "Oh? What's on your desktop screen?"

Customer: "My email."

Me: (slamming my head on the desk) "No, that's not your desktop wallpaper. Minimize all your open programs and tell me what you see in the lower right hand corner of the screen."

Customer: "Oh! Look at that. It says Computer name......."



Several times a week. And they almost always call their computer Bob. What the fark?

I avoid such issues by using an automated inventory system that enables me to search user names and retrieve a list of computers that they have recently accessed.


Our enterprise programmers set up a system that. if a call is placed from the call center floor or from a known user extention, the system pops computer name into a call staging program as soon as the call is picked up. Other info like service tags, project info, and call histories just magically appear and can be used to autogenerate a ticket if the help desk would like, or a different button can be used to pull up that machines open tickets, or pull a current screen shot from the target machine and ...


***

Hey here's a crazy idea... how about you just try using farking Active Directory! Jeebus Christ, EVERY organization that uses Windows has an Active directory that is searchable by username, which will give you the computer name, IP address, MAC ID, etc.

Holy farking shiat, am I like the only competent Tech Support Professional on this thread? You farkers seriously need to learn some basic troubleshooting skills instead of randomly punching keys. This shiat just goes to prove that, despite contemporary corporate culture, you absolutely cannot just train any hairless ape off the street to do tech support.
 
2012-09-14 06:34:43 AM
"The Network is down" could mean anything from "I forgot my password/caps lock is on again" to "the power is out in three provinces, but..."
 
2012-09-14 06:35:40 AM

Hiro Nakamura: flaminio: Hiro Nakamura: flaminio: kid_icarus: I can't believe they left out the most beloved line of all,

I'm not very computer illiterate...

...back in my help desk days, that line was uttered at least 500 times a day, made all the more maddening in that they seemed unaware they were stating the opposite of what they meant, but they all said it like that.

Yeah, the "I'm not a computer person" line always sets me off. The computer is a tool that you use for your job. Can you imagine a carpenter saying "I'm not a hammer person" as he's building your house?

That's a bullshiat comparison. You're an expert (supposedly) trained in the maintenance and operation of a complex system designed to be used by a user with a minimum level of training.

How many IT guys rely on their 20 year old beater to get them back and forth to work but are clueless when it breaks down?

I'm not expecting end users to fix their own computers. I'm talking about basic computing functions: printing a document to a different printer than their default, or copying a file from one folder to another. I may not know how to fix a car, but I do know how to drive a car.

When a user comes to me with a genuinely hard problem, I rejoice. That's the kind of stuff that makes my job interesting. The password reset/paper jam people are just annoying daily distractions.

That's the problem though. The vast majority of users don't have networked printers at home, they have ONE printer plugged into ONE computer via USB, all set up with self-installing drivers. And even at work, it's a situation out of the norm to have to print to a printer that your computer isn't mapped to. The only reason I know how to do stuff like that is because I get tired of calling IT for help, because I like knowing how to do stuff myself. But it's nowhere in my job requirement to know how to map my computer to the printer in the next building over because my POS won't print black and white because te cyan cartridge is empty.


"Its not in my job description" stopped being a valid thing to say in any circumstance about 20 years ago.
 
2012-09-14 06:40:05 AM

findthefish: I despise lists like this.

The suggestion is that IT Support is above the needs of its users. In my world view, if anyone in the company can't produce because of a technical problem, it is my job to fix it. That's it and treat the user with respect.

As a member of the software development team we are assigned help desk days above and beyond what is handled by pc support. These days include evening and weekend support.

For me it very satisfying to close a trouble ticket out...knowing that I tapped every resource to solve the problem.


Been in IT for 7 weeks have we?
 
2012-09-14 06:45:07 AM
 
2012-09-14 06:48:46 AM

2words1finger: I sound fat: Dimensio: AdolfOliverPanties: Me: "Okay, let me connect to your computer and take a look. What's your computer name?" (we give each machine a specific name in AD, then connect through VNC Viewer, RDP or whatever through that name or IP Address.)

Customer: "Um, I call it Bob."

Me: (HITS MUTE BUTTON) "Oh, you're so farking funny. What a clever wit! Why are you slaving behind a computer instead of selling out Madison Square Garden with your stand-up act every night you farking turd?"

Me: (gritting my teeth) "Oh really? Mine's Fred." (I then hate myself for playing along with this asshole.)

Customer: "Where do I find the computer name? Oh here it is. 'Dell.' "

Me: (pulling my farking hair out) "No, that's the brand. I need the name we gave it. It should be there on your desktop wallpaper or on the sticker on the top of the tower."

Customer: "It's not on my desktop screen. And there is no sticker."

Me: "Oh? What's on your desktop screen?"

Customer: "My email."

Me: (slamming my head on the desk) "No, that's not your desktop wallpaper. Minimize all your open programs and tell me what you see in the lower right hand corner of the screen."

Customer: "Oh! Look at that. It says Computer name......."



Several times a week. And they almost always call their computer Bob. What the fark?

I avoid such issues by using an automated inventory system that enables me to search user names and retrieve a list of computers that they have recently accessed.


Our enterprise programmers set up a system that. if a call is placed from the call center floor or from a known user extention, the system pops computer name into a call staging program as soon as the call is picked up. Other info like service tags, project info, and call histories just magically appear and can be used to autogenerate a ticket if the help desk would like, or a different button can be used to pull up that machines open tickets, or pull a current screen shot from the targe ...


And how is searching AD more accurate or efficient than having correct, verifyable information provided by the system without even having to ask for it?

/ I think you might be the one creating the stereotype of arrogant fools in IT.
// Im guessing you read about active directory in your MIS 333 book and havent quite used it yet in the real world. am I right? How did I know that? IT people with jobs learn very quickly that they arent smarter than everyone else and cant possibly know everything.
 
2012-09-14 06:56:37 AM

Zotfripper: I'll just leave this here.


Hey, my name is george, so im havening a kick out of this!
 
2012-09-14 07:07:36 AM
IT people: Don't talk to me like I'm a retard just because I don't know how to do your job. You couldn't do the on-computer part of my job without years of training. And with your poor interpersonal skills, you couldn't do my job at all.
 
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