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(InfoWorld)   The 12 most dreaded help desk requests   (infoworld.com) divider line 337
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17192 clicks; posted to Geek » on 13 Sep 2012 at 2:26 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-13 03:28:12 PM

FunkyBlue: xnecron: Also, #2 is bullshiat.

Most users live in fear of a software or hardware refresh.

Where I work, we can't upgrade someone unless we upgrade everyone or there is serious butthurt that someone else got something they didn't.

Petty, yes, but pays the bills.


Sounds like a federal gig.
 
2012-09-13 03:28:12 PM

TwistedIvory: Eff you, slideshow. No clickie.


Tag is for slideshow-linking subby.
 
2012-09-13 03:29:06 PM

theflatline: back in the 90s I worked for an ISP and it was pretty common for people to bring their Imacs into the office and demand to watch while "put" the internet on them.


Heh, working at a retail computer store in the late 90s was when I learned that, for some people, seeing their computer without the cover on it was roughly as traumatic as seeing their pets being vivisected.
 
2012-09-13 03:30:44 PM

Tom_Slick: Dimensio: I avoid such issues by using an automated inventory system that enables me to search user names and retrieve a list of computers that they have recently accessed.

Except when an employee has raided the cubical of the recently laid off and thought he could get the newer machine without asking.

Him: My password doesn't work
Me: No Problem I will reset it (looks up computer name resets login password)
Him: The new password doesn't work
Me: No problem I will be downstairs in 10 minutes.

Get downstairs, low and behold he is using a different computer he thought the cubical assigned the computer name.


As all of the users whom I support use Active Directory accounts, no user I support would encounter such a problem. I, however, would notice and object to the sudden commandeering of hardware without authorization.
 
Ant
2012-09-13 03:30:50 PM

Grither: FTFA:
4. "How do I stop all these system updates?"

8. "My computer has a virus, but I clicked the prompt to update my antivirus software yesterday."

Ok IT guys, seriously, you can't have your cake and eat it, too. Choose one of these things to not happen, and I will be happy to comply. But you can't tell me to update my computer every time AND tell me NOT to click update whenever it comes up. That is literally impossible.

/stupid IT jerks


Learn the difference between a real update, and one of the "OMFG!! Yuor Comptor iz infected with eleventy billion viruses! Click here to fix it!!!!!" updates
 
2012-09-13 03:31:56 PM

Nightsweat: "I think the baby is yours."

Am I the only one who keeps getting that call? Man, just try to pick a category for that ticket.


Well, since she's a waitress, I'd go with "server error"
 
2012-09-13 03:33:04 PM

Stig2112: I've seen most of those over the years. They left off the one that really irritates me: The "we just hired a bunch of new people and they started today. We need you to get them set up with user accounts and email addresses right away." calls. Mind you the decision to hire these people was made weeks ago and no one thought to ask IT to set up the accounts ahead of time. Thankfully our complaints to HR took care of most of these calls eventually.


A procedure for informing relevant staff of new hires was enacted prior to my employment. Unfortunately, this procedure did not apply to temporary staff. After explaining why, upon multiple occasions, temporary staff arrived to discover that the computer that their supervisors had intended them to use had been disabled because I had removed the hard drive for a back-up and reimaging, a process for temporary hires was established.
 
2012-09-13 03:34:29 PM
I had a customer in the 1990s bring a computer into me and was quite upset about the smell coming from it.

I opened it up and identified a puddle of vomit laced with Boones Farm Strawberry hill.

Jackasses kid had the case off the computer, was drunk playing Doom, and got motion sickness, barfed in it, and closed the sucker back up.

The computer still worked and I refused to clean it and told him to take his business elsehwere.
 
2012-09-13 03:35:28 PM
I doubt BOFH would have any problem with any of these
 
Ant
2012-09-13 03:35:30 PM

wmoonfox: Bottom line is that, if your IT department is even remotely competent, you will never have to worry about updates.


This. Where I work, if you are asked to update anything at all, it's guaranteed to be bullshiat.
 
2012-09-13 03:35:48 PM
I suggest these whining coonts find another line of work.
 
2012-09-13 03:36:05 PM
13. (After solving a long, drawn-out issue): "Oh wait! Since I have you on the phone, could you help me with......?"

14. Phone rings. "HI THIS IS ! I AM DEAD IN THE WATER OVER HERE!!! THIS IS BULL#%&# WHAT IS BEING DONE TO FIX THIS????!!"
 
2012-09-13 03:36:19 PM

Dimensio: As all of the users whom I support use Active Directory accounts, no user I support would encounter such a problem. I, however, would notice and object to the sudden commandeering of hardware without authorization.


This was back in 2002 when WorldCom Purged most of their staff, I had excess computers up to my eyeballs and my department went form 10 guys to 2 you could have walked out with a decommissioned server and it would have have taken us months to notice. Bankruptcy reorganization causes many problems.
 
2012-09-13 03:36:20 PM
Chief Executive calls:

"Hey, I need a file restored. Actually, it's a contact or two from Outlook. When did I delete them? I think it may have been a year or two ago, I just didn't realize it until now".
 
2012-09-13 03:36:30 PM
I like the responses in this thread that insinuates that a user's life is more important and meaningful than an IT guy's who is working there for the same reason you are: to get money to eat, keep a place to live and have some fun on occasion. Treating your IT guys like shiat is WHY you get these attitudes. It's a give/take process - if you want expedient help then be nice to us and don't treat us like magical fix-it fairies.

You'd be surprised the sheer amount of dumb shiat we're willing to put up with as long as you're willing to work with us rather than simply give up because the dumb box on your desk is too hard to figure out. If you don't want us to be condescending to you then don't give us an attitude when we try to help you.

The reason why we tell you to do the seemingly obvious things first is due to Occam's razor. It's also part of the troubleshooting process. It might end the call right there and you'll be able to go through your day. Even if you've already done it just humor us and do it again or at least lie if you've really done it already before you called.

Another reason why (at least some of us) sometimes use 'technical' jargon when we talk through problems is because we're trying not to insult your intelligence. If you really don't understand us, don't go 'speak English, please' or something equally as rude. A simple 'I don't understand what that means' is fine. If it's relevant to solving the problem and we can do it succinctly enough, we'll explain what words mean. It may even help you in the future.

We're not farking drones. Don't treat us like drones and we'll be absolutely fine with helping you. We'll be as pleasant to you as you are to us. We'll still biatch about the really dumb issues, but every single job in the world has 'dumb shiat we biatch out to our colleagues.' Generally, the problem isn't these issues themselves, but rather, that it's the same users calling about the same problems that are fixed in the same way. People who don't learn are facepalm-worthy to me regardless of what they do for a living, but we'll still help you fix it because that's what we're paid to do. If we vent in our spare time to the internet about it, well, I don't know what to tell you.
 
2012-09-13 03:37:48 PM

wmoonfox:
So, depending on the availability of computing equipment, RSA tokens, furniture (oh yes, you're good with a screwdriver... go put that desk together), network drops/capacity, etc... users brought in without prior notice to IT could sometimes end up sitting on their hands for a month or more. And, of course, it was always my fault.


Oh I forgot about the furniture. Gotta love when some manager rearranges their office and then wants you to drop everything to set up their computer, printer, and other stuff right then. Of course when they were moving stuff around they didn't give any consideration to where the power outlets and network jacks were......


My first day in IT I reduced a woman to tears because I asked her if her printer had any paper in it.......
 
2012-09-13 03:38:26 PM

YixilTesiphon: TsarTom: "I'm legally blind, but I'm a confident and fiercely independent woman. I'm new on this job and I DON'T want anyone thinking they made a bad hire, so don't even ask me to bring in a co-worker. I can't see my screen beyond a slight glow and have literally never worked with computers before. Now then, I'm told that our monthly reports are not uploading correctly, and that is all I know. What do I have to do to fix it?"

The call that lasted FOREVER.

Come on, you can't leave us hanging like that. Did you immediately send an email to her supervisor? What happened?


Yeah, hopefully she got fired for being handicapped. Those people have all the advantages of special parking (Damned government intervention). What business did she have calling a technical support line anyways?
 
2012-09-13 03:41:52 PM

Gone In 26 Minutes: at least lie


NEVER LIE TO IT! NEVER EVER!

I would much rather have someone tell me they were doing something they shouldn't have been or are simply too lazy to figure out how to work something, then for them to lead me off on some wild goose chase to fix an error they farking made up.
 
2012-09-13 03:44:34 PM
AdolfOliverPanties

Agreed. What the hell can you do except clear cookies and temp files, run Malware and Virus scans and maybe reset default settings in the browser? I have only been doing this for about 6-8 years, but I am filled with hatred for most people now.

I am a master of the mute button so I can vent my spleen. If that thing ever breaks, I will be out of a job.



you and me both. If everyone on earth vanaished i would not be sad for 3 days. then i would be devastated. My DSL support has caused me to pray for an EMP everyday.
 
2012-09-13 03:44:34 PM

Gone In 26 Minutes: It's a give/take process - if you want expedient help then be nice to us and don't treat us like magical fix-it fairies.


That right there is the "scary truth" behind IT attitude.
It's. Your. Job.

There is no requirement, aside from the basic human requirement to treat others as you would like to be treated, to do your job. No one needs to be nice to anyone. Just farking take care of it.

We want expediant help because that's what you're being paid for. Does your contract say "we'll pay you $$, and niceys to fix our computers"?
 
2012-09-13 03:45:08 PM

fluffy2097: Gone In 26 Minutes: at least lie

NEVER LIE TO IT! NEVER EVER!

I would much rather have someone tell me they were doing something they shouldn't have been or are simply too lazy to figure out how to work something, then for them to lead me off on some wild goose chase to fix an error they farking made up.


I meant lie about things like rebooting your PC, checking connections, etc. If you're absolutely confident you've already done those things and we ask you to do it, just say you're doing it so we can cross it off the list. If you're not sure, of course, then it pays to err on the side of caution and just do what's asked. Remember, we're trying to get people back to work ASAP. We're not making people jump through hoops for amusement.
 
2012-09-13 03:45:14 PM

Faddy: Could you set my personal phone up for email?

Generally this is easy if you use an exchange server if you know the details but it isn't always obvious.

And the reason people need this is because IT can't be bothered to get modern phones accredited for use as company phones. BYOD is also becoming more popular because it saves companies money.

Dear IT: Nobody wants to use a blackberry. Please update your shiat to allow Android and iPhones stat


Don't complain to your IT department about this, you have to talk to infosec. And usually if they are using BB there is a specific security reason why they are as BB is mainly used because of its encryption,. Also you probably shouldn't push for BYOD. I would never use my own device for work because if the company detects any type of unusual activity coming from your device at any time they will brick it and there isn't anything you can do about it.

Stig2112: I've seen most of those over the years. They left off the one that really irritates me: The "we just hired a bunch of new people and they started today. We need you to get them set up with user accounts and email addresses right away." calls. Mind you the decision to hire these people was made weeks ago and no one thought to ask IT to set up the accounts ahead of time. Thankfully our complaints to HR took care of most of these calls eventually.


I loved those also, especially when there is a documented process to follow for all new hires that includes filling out an online form for all equipment and accesses that they will need. You always had the managers that complained that they didn't have time to fill out the request and demand that you give the person access to whatever they need now.

But my all time favorite from when I used to work for Chase was when somebody would call in about a previous ticket and not have the ticket number, but will give you the first name of the last person they talked to a demand that you transfer them to that person. Even after I would explain to them that there were about 500 people in the department working in 5 different cities spread out over 3 continents working 24/7/365, I have no idea who the Jim you are referring to is or if he is even working to day or where he is working, they would still ask for that person and get mad if I didn't transfer them now.
 
2012-09-13 03:45:33 PM
Observing the disdain that many technical support staff have evidently developed for their end-users makes me grateful for my employment servicing individuals who are consistently friendly.

I suspect, though I cannot confirm, that my ruthless policies toward system security may be responsible for my reduced workload.
 
2012-09-13 03:48:07 PM
"I have all these pop-ups, even when I'm not using the browser!"
 
2012-09-13 03:49:13 PM
I develop software for robotic and automated systems used in manufacturing. I could provide a laundry list of douchebag IT behavior too. Lighten the fark up already - at least we're getting a paycheck.
 
2012-09-13 03:49:31 PM
Them: "My Email isn't working."
Me: "Ok, have you made any changes lately?"
Them: "Nope."

*20 minutes later*

Them: "Oh, well I did just get a new computer because my old one exploded. But I swear the settings are all the same!"

/Exaggerated but been there.
 
2012-09-13 03:49:56 PM

Charlie Freak: I don't work IT, but I do sell recording (DAW) software and Audio-Digital (A/D) peripherals. I swear there hasn't been one customer that I've sold to that doesn't call me a day or three later because they "can't get it to work." I regularly have to have them bring their gear or make a house call just to turn a knob or download the latest driver - all of which COULD be done over the phone, but they simply don't even understand what a driver is.

The worst are people over 55 or under 25.


To be fair, some DAW software is inscrutably complicated just to get the damn crap working. I'm looking at you, EastWest and your farking multiple layers of soft- and hardware security measures that make it goddamn impossible to get the damn thing working without 30 minutes of registration and activation, and even THEN requiring the installation of third party software to run virtual MIDI ports to get it to talk to other DAWs that you don't even provide or make and I had to freaking buy separately.

I hate EastWest.
 
2012-09-13 03:50:33 PM

sure haven't: Gone In 26 Minutes: It's a give/take process - if you want expedient help then be nice to us and don't treat us like magical fix-it fairies.

That right there is the "scary truth" behind IT attitude.
It's. Your. Job.

There is no requirement, aside from the basic human requirement to treat others as you would like to be treated, to do your job. No one needs to be nice to anyone. Just farking take care of it.

We want expediant help because that's what you're being paid for. Does your contract say "we'll pay you $$, and niceys to fix our computers"?


I highlighted the relevant part of your post that should've answered your own question. We're obligated to help you, but we'll be a lot nicer and quicker (that is, we might actually get up an go to your desk and do something quickly for you that might take you a bit longer on your own) if you're nicer to us. If you treat me like shiat, you get the bare minimum that's required of me to solve your problem. If it's a ticket system, your ticket may end up 'accidentally' ending up lower priority on my queue.
 
2012-09-13 03:51:24 PM
IT hates us... a whole department of people who know significantly more about their jobs than they do (including many of us who used to do IT).
 
2012-09-13 03:52:25 PM
More like "12 Reasons Why You Have a Job".
 
2012-09-13 03:53:33 PM

kid_icarus: I can't believe they left out the most beloved line of all,

I'm not very computer illiterate...

...back in my help desk days, that line was uttered at least 500 times a day, made all the more maddening in that they seemed unaware they were stating the opposite of what they meant, but they all said it like that.


Yeah, the "I'm not a computer person" line always sets me off. The computer is a tool that you use for your job. Can you imagine a carpenter saying "I'm not a hammer person" as he's building your house?
 
2012-09-13 03:55:03 PM

Gone In 26 Minutes: I highlighted the relevant part of your post that should've answered your own question. We're obligated to help you, but we'll be a lot nicer and quicker (that is, we might actually get up an go to your desk and do something quickly for you that might take you a bit longer on your own) if you're nicer to us. If you treat me like shiat, you get the bare minimum that's required of me to solve your problem. If it's a ticket system, your ticket may end up 'accidentally' ending up lower priority on my queue.


Well personally I am very nice to IT people, and am friends with the two I work with.
However their defenses go shooting up like a missile whenever there's an issue. I'm always very cordial and professional, and I never blame them for anything. But for some reason they get "IT'S NOT MY FAULT TRY THIS" with everyone.
I guess reading your post annoys the sh*t out of me because I do treat everyone kindly.

Also, if you do the bolded line above instead of actually addressing your issues with people, then you're being passive-aggressive, and just as guilty of the ongoing issue. If you confronted every single person that treated you like shiat in a way that encourages a solution, people would most likely lay off it a bit.
 
2012-09-13 03:55:10 PM
I used to do Tier 2 for an ISP. Alot of you IT people are overly whiny.
 
2012-09-13 03:55:30 PM

Gone In 26 Minutes: I meant lie about things like rebooting your PC, checking connections, etc. If you're absolutely confident you've already done those things and we ask you to do it, just say you're doing it so we can cross it off the list. If you're not sure, of course, then it pays to err on the side of caution and just do what's asked. Remember, we're trying to get people back to work ASAP. We're not making people jump through hoops for amusement.


DO NOT TEACH THE USERS TO LIE!!!

All you are doing is teaching them that it is OK to not follow your instructions. Then they will lie about rebooting their computer anytime they believe that a reboot wont fix the problem.

/are you dense? telling users it's OK to lie about the problems they're having?
//I cannot count the number of times I've been told "I already rebooted it" Only to check the system up-time and it's been on for the past month.
 
2012-09-13 03:56:13 PM
My personal horror story: Djibouti, Africa. Small Marine base in 2005 (when a 50-inch plasma TV was godly).

I was in charge of setting up and running the various video conferences with other bases and classes around the world. For half of these I had to also sign out a classified modem to hook into the system. We had a desktop connected to a modem, along with the TV, surround sound speakers, a remote control that our webcam tracked, the little starfish shaped microphones on the tables. Everything was nice and neat, labels on all the wires and the plugs they went into, and a booklet with pictures and a wiring diagram in case we ever needed to change anything.

I come in one Tuesday 30 minutes prior to the weekly classified meeting and to my shock and horror everything was completely farked. All the wires had been moved, unplugged, switched around, everything. It seems that someone had come in the day before with the brilliant plan of hooking up his PS2 and playing Madden while watching Monday Night Football on the picture-in-picture. Wire were missing, the remote was hidden in the cushions of a couch, the telephone was gone, and I even found a used condom in the trashcan. Thankfully the colonel had known about it beforehand and wasn't suprised when he came in and I was rewiring everything.

It's not often that a captain ends up apologizing to a corporal for screwing something up.
After that I put everything I could in a plywood box, nailed it shut, and ran a chain and a padlock around the whole mess.
 
2012-09-13 03:56:55 PM

theflatline: I had a customer in the 1990s bring a computer into me and was quite upset about the smell coming from it.

I opened it up and identified a puddle of vomit laced with Boones Farm Strawberry hill.

Jackasses kid had the case off the computer, was drunk playing Doom, and got motion sickness, barfed in it, and closed the sucker back up.

The computer still worked and I refused to clean it and told him to take his business elsehwere.


had a person bring me a compaq pc, old style hermetically sealed case. the farking thing sloshed when he sat it down. "it doesn't work" he says.

pull the side off, and about 3 pints of piss rolled out.

his great dane had pissed in the power supply. awesome.
 
2012-09-13 03:57:49 PM

flaminio: kid_icarus: I can't believe they left out the most beloved line of all,

I'm not very computer illiterate...

...back in my help desk days, that line was uttered at least 500 times a day, made all the more maddening in that they seemed unaware they were stating the opposite of what they meant, but they all said it like that.

Yeah, the "I'm not a computer person" line always sets me off. The computer is a tool that you use for your job. Can you imagine a carpenter saying "I'm not a hammer person" as he's building your house?


good lord. i say exactly that every day.
 
2012-09-13 03:58:17 PM

sure haven't: Gone In 26 Minutes: It's a give/take process - if you want expedient help then be nice to us and don't treat us like magical fix-it fairies.

That right there is the "scary truth" behind IT attitude.
It's. Your. Job.

There is no requirement, aside from the basic human requirement to treat others as you would like to be treated, to do your job. No one needs to be nice to anyone. Just farking take care of it.

We want expediant help because that's what you're being paid for. Does your contract say "we'll pay you $$, and niceys to fix our computers"?


Because treating your co-workers like human beings is to much off a bother? Any manager worth his/her salt will quickly stop people from screaming at IT because annoying (often under appreciated) people with access to the self destruct button of the organisation is common sense. It will also reduce stress related turn over, sick days and loss of productivity. Just think of it as a drive through at the McDonalds. You can scream if it takes a minute because you ordered a burger with extra/less of ingredient X, but don't be surprised if they spit in your coke.

You might not be there to make friends, but common courtesy should be exactly that. Common. As in, don' be a jerk to people you depend on to be able to do your job.
 
2012-09-13 03:59:28 PM

sure haven't: Gone In 26 Minutes: It's a give/take process - if you want expedient help then be nice to us and don't treat us like magical fix-it fairies.

That right there is the "scary truth" behind IT attitude.
It's. Your. Job.

There is no requirement, aside from the basic human requirement to treat others as you would like to be treated, to do your job. No one needs to be nice to anyone. Just farking take care of it.

We want expediant help because that's what you're being paid for. Does your contract say "we'll pay you $$, and niceys to fix our computers"?


Most of your user-level IT admins are paid poorly, and expected to do far more in the scope of their work than they were hired for. They are genuinely and justifiably disgruntled, much like you would be in a similar situation. No, you aren't required to be nice to a fellow disgruntled employee, but the very nature of disgruntled persons suggests that you probably should.

The really sad part is that many of us have no idea how badly we're being screwed by the company we are working for. I had a blast doing the job I relate in this thread, even though it often involved packing and shipping, furniture assembly, late nights and weekends without pay, on-call without pay, thankless end-users, etc... When I finally left, it was for a position doing less than one tenth the work, and a 50% pay raise.

No, being nice is not a requirement. If you have even an ounce of empathy, though, you'll do your best to help make the troubleshooting process as painless as possible, for both your sake and the sake of your IT personnel.
 
2012-09-13 04:00:00 PM

leftteffticle: UberDave: leftteffticle: UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve

Truth. Any issue I can actually solve quickly and get the person on their way is a good one, no matter how annoying or trivial.

Not only that - they may be clueless but if you solve their problem they will be happy as a pig in shiat.

Truth.. it amuses me to no end that people think I am some kind of a superwoman, genius, or magician because I can do things for them that are extremely simple (to me) but insurmountable tasks to them. I work for a university so I'm generally dealing with a pool of PhD students and professors (which, I know, I know.. doesn't mean they're actually intelligent, but they're SmartTM) and it's basically the greatest thing when some Important Guy gushes over me for 5 minutes because I rebooted his computer and things worked again or something like that.


Oh my word yes. There is a guy where I work who is convinced I am some kind of computer genius. His evidence? I understand the up arrow.

Not even kidding. The internal IM system only displays one line at a time, so if there are multiple lines worth of information one has to arrow through them (down arrow obviously). For the longest time he wouldn't advance to line 2 until he'd written down line 1 because he thought line 1 would then be lost. He understood the down arrow, but the up arrow was a mystery. I pointed out how the up arrow works and became a genius (at least to him).
 
2012-09-13 04:00:18 PM
I got out of working help desk when I got a call from a remote user saying that her brand new computer stopped working after a few hours. The root cause was 'but I have a laptop - it has a battery so I thought once I charged it once you never have to charge it again'
 
2012-09-13 04:01:43 PM
Brought to you by the 1 format internet users most hate to see.
 
2012-09-13 04:02:30 PM
Worked in customer service for a cell phone company back in the mid 90's. Had customers call in and say they couldn't get a dial tone.

csb!
 
2012-09-13 04:03:17 PM

fluffy2097: Gone In 26 Minutes: I meant lie about things like rebooting your PC, checking connections, etc. If you're absolutely confident you've already done those things and we ask you to do it, just say you're doing it so we can cross it off the list. If you're not sure, of course, then it pays to err on the side of caution and just do what's asked. Remember, we're trying to get people back to work ASAP. We're not making people jump through hoops for amusement.

DO NOT TEACH THE USERS TO LIE!!!

All you are doing is teaching them that it is OK to not follow your instructions. Then they will lie about rebooting their computer anytime they believe that a reboot wont fix the problem.

/are you dense? telling users it's OK to lie about the problems they're having?
//I cannot count the number of times I've been told "I already rebooted it" Only to check the system up-time and it's been on for the past month.


Look, I know reading is hard and all, but try.

IF.
YOU.
HAVE.
ALREADY.
DONE.
THING.
ASKED.
OF.
YOU.
REPEATEDLY.
THEN.
JUST.
HUMOR.
US.
OR.
LIE.
WHEN.
WE.
ASK.
YOU.
TO.
DO.
IT.
AGAIN.

Example: You are having a problem with your router. You have already power cycled it five times. When we ask you to power cycle your router again, just say 'ok.' If you actually want to power cycle it again just to be sure, you can go ahead and do that, but if you've already farking done it five times before you called me, I won't begrudge you if you say you did, but don't since, well, you already did before you called.

In your example, I'm saying it's okay to lie if the user had already rebooted before the call. If I'm able to verify uptime, though, I'd skip that step entirely anyway.
 
2012-09-13 04:04:17 PM

frepnog: theflatline: I had a customer in the 1990s bring a computer into me and was quite upset about the smell coming from it.

I opened it up and identified a puddle of vomit laced with Boones Farm Strawberry hill.

Jackasses kid had the case off the computer, was drunk playing Doom, and got motion sickness, barfed in it, and closed the sucker back up.

The computer still worked and I refused to clean it and told him to take his business elsehwere.

had a person bring me a compaq pc, old style hermetically sealed case. the farking thing sloshed when he sat it down. "it doesn't work" he says.

pull the side off, and about 3 pints of piss rolled out.

his great dane had pissed in the power supply. awesome.


Heh. Had that happen too. Guy brings in his brand new, just issued, top of the line Dell laptop in a trash bag because his dog had pissed on it when while he was out of the room. I guess Dobermans can get jealous if you aren't paying attention to them all the time.
 
2012-09-13 04:05:15 PM

metalunna: "....Please do the needful."


How am I to be of your most helpful assistance?
 
2012-09-13 04:06:08 PM

Gone In 26 Minutes: fluffy2097: Gone In 26 Minutes: I meant lie about things like rebooting your PC, checking connections, etc. If you're absolutely confident you've already done those things and we ask you to do it, just say you're doing it so we can cross it off the list. If you're not sure, of course, then it pays to err on the side of caution and just do what's asked. Remember, we're trying to get people back to work ASAP. We're not making people jump through hoops for amusement.

DO NOT TEACH THE USERS TO LIE!!!

All you are doing is teaching them that it is OK to not follow your instructions. Then they will lie about rebooting their computer anytime they believe that a reboot wont fix the problem.

/are you dense? telling users it's OK to lie about the problems they're having?
//I cannot count the number of times I've been told "I already rebooted it" Only to check the system up-time and it's been on for the past month.

Look, I know reading is hard and all, but try.

IF.
YOU.
HAVE.
ALREADY.
DONE.
THING.
ASKED.
OF.
YOU.
REPEATEDLY.
THEN.
JUST.
HUMOR.
US.
OR.
LIE.
WHEN.
WE.
ASK.
YOU.
TO.
DO.
IT.
AGAIN.

Example: You are having a problem with your router. You have already power cycled it five times. When we ask you to power cycle your router again, just say 'ok.' If you actually want to power cycle it again just to be sure, you can go ahead and do that, but if you've already farking done it five times before you called me, I won't begrudge you if you say you did, but don't since, well, you already did before you called.

In your example, I'm saying it's okay to lie if the user had already rebooted before the call. If I'm able to verify uptime, though, I'd skip that step entirely anyway.


I lie all the time when I call my ISP, I used to work for them, I know how to do all the user side fixes, I wouldn't call unless I needed to know if the DNS servers were down, there was a local outage, or my modem can't obtain sync.
 
2012-09-13 04:07:22 PM

Gone In 26 Minutes: I do not understand human behavior


You have fun with users lying to you about everything because you have given them explicit permission lie to your face about the troubleshooting process they have done.

/no wonder you can't get no respect.
 
2012-09-13 04:08:21 PM
13. Absolutely anything

I'm convinced the IT here spends all their time browsing fark since getting them on the phone takes hours and it is easier to just bypass their protections and install whatever I need myself.
 
2012-09-13 04:08:49 PM
Me: "Hi, IT? My VoIP phone's not working properly. I can hear other people, but they say they can barely hear me, and that there's crackling and static. I think the handset cable is broken."

IT: "I'll replace the Ethernet cable and unplug and replug the power supply. That fixes everything."

/facepalm
 
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