Glenford: What about the moronic answers that we users get from the "help" desk? My two favourites are:1. Hang on while I google that2. I dunno, have you tried re-booting it?
UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve -"Yeah, your secure FTP site is dumping me every 30 minutes right in the middle of downloading a large database dump, what's the deal?"...or..."Hi, your profiles are set up to prevent programs from creating local files on the local drive and is instead putting them in the virtual store. Could you release that for admin users?"...or..."Hey, there's several hundred people who are locked out of the work area and having to record their entry/exit data on paper because the access stations have slowed to a crawl. What's going on?"
Grither: FTFA:4. "How do I stop all these system updates?"8. "My computer has a virus, but I clicked the prompt to update my antivirus software yesterday."Ok IT guys, seriously, you can't have your cake and eat it, too. Choose one of these things to not happen, and I will be happy to comply. But you can't tell me to update my computer every time AND tell me NOT to click update whenever it comes up. That is literally impossible./stupid IT jerks
UberDave: leftteffticle: UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solveTruth. Any issue I can actually solve quickly and get the person on their way is a good one, no matter how annoying or trivial.Not only that - they may be clueless but if you solve their problem they will be happy as a pig in shiat.
Lumpmoose: UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve -...Exactly. Try diagnosing transient file server slowness and you'll be glad to reset someone's password.
AdolfOliverPanties: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Number 7 is way too freakin true. Not a single day passes at work that I don't hear it/I've been doing this stuff too longAgreed. What the hell can you do except clear cookies and temp files, run Malware and Virus scans and maybe reset default settings in the browser? I have only been doing this for about 6-8 years, but I am filled with hatred for most people now.I am a master of the mute button so I can vent my spleen. If that thing ever breaks, I will be out of a job.
AdolfOliverPanties: Me: "Okay, let me connect to your computer and take a look. What's your computer name?" (we give each machine a specific name in AD, then connect through VNC Viewer, RDP or whatever through that name or IP Address.)Customer: "Um, I call it Bob."Me: (HITS MUTE BUTTON) "Oh, you're so farking funny. What a clever wit! Why are you slaving behind a computer instead of selling out Madison Square Garden with your stand-up act every night you farking turd?"Me: (gritting my teeth) "Oh really? Mine's Fred." (I then hate myself for playing along with this asshole.)Customer: "Where do I find the computer name? Oh here it is. 'Dell.' "Me: (pulling my farking hair out) "No, that's the brand. I need the name we gave it. It should be there on your desktop wallpaper or on the sticker on the top of the tower."Customer: "It's not on my desktop screen. And there is no sticker."Me: "Oh? What's on your desktop screen?"Customer: "My email."Me: (slamming my head on the desk) "No, that's not your desktop wallpaper. Minimize all your open programs and tell me what you see in the lower right hand corner of the screen."Customer: "Oh! Look at that. It says Computer name......."Several times a week. And they almost always call their computer Bob. What the fark?
TsarTom: "I'm legally blind, but I'm a confident and fiercely independent woman. I'm new on this job and I DON'T want anyone thinking they made a bad hire, so don't even ask me to bring in a co-worker. I can't see my screen beyond a slight glow and have literally never worked with computers before. Now then, I'm told that our monthly reports are not uploading correctly, and that is all I know. What do I have to do to fix it?"The call that lasted FOREVER.
Nightsweat: "I think the baby is yours."Am I the only one who keeps getting that call? Man, just try to pick a category for that ticket.
vudukungfu: Just in time for customer service week, too, I see. Well, now. I spend the day logging on to other people's PCs and doing things like shrinking the browser that has every farking available tool bar and add on strapped to it like a German lesbian with ADD. Then, I ask them to open their email account so I can attach a file to an email because they were unable to do that, either. You would be amazed at how many of them have not only extremely personal emails open right then and there, but also how many people have rather personal IM windows popping up while I am logged onto their PC. I don't mind helping people out because that is what I do. I like being the most patient tech in the room, and setting an example for the younger kids who get pissed easily when people just can't function. I don't mind hearing a person in an executive position tell me, "I don't know nothing about no computers" because that tells me the economy is doing fine, anyone can get hired. And it tells me I can get hired anywhere, too. I have heard the most outrageous things from customer, but it's all in a day's work. I actually have never had a sit down job before, having been a factory worker, a furniture delivery guy, a UPS guy, a Cop, a baker, a chef, and an antiques dealer before. This job is nice. I get to sit on my ass all day. I wear fancy leather headphones. My Phone is in my PC. I get breaks. They buy cakes. They buy bagels. They throw us parties. I get weekends, nights, and paid vacations off. I cannot complain. I'm employed and others are not. I feel fortunate. I get to work with some of the brightest people in my state, too. But so help me god, the next person who calls me and doesn't know what time zone they are in is going to get a box of horse poop mailed to them.
xnecron: Also, #2 is bullshiat.Most users live in fear of a software or hardware refresh.
YixilTesiphon: TsarTom: "I'm legally blind, but I'm a confident and fiercely independent woman. I'm new on this job and I DON'T want anyone thinking they made a bad hire, so don't even ask me to bring in a co-worker. I can't see my screen beyond a slight glow and have literally never worked with computers before. Now then, I'm told that our monthly reports are not uploading correctly, and that is all I know. What do I have to do to fix it?"The call that lasted FOREVER.Come on, you can't leave us hanging like that. Did you immediately send an email to her supervisor? What happened?
Faddy: Dear IT: Nobody wants to use a blackberry. Please update your shiat to allow Android and iPhones stat
Dimensio: I avoid such issues by using an automated inventory system that enables me to search user names and retrieve a list of computers that they have recently accessed.
PainInTheASP: No helldesk thread is complete without the following:The Website is Down (NSFW Language)Go on, you know you want to watch it again. What else were you going to do this close to lunch? Work? Pffft.
Glenford: What about the moronic answers that we users get from the "help" desk? My two favourites are:2. I dunno, have you tried re-booting it?
kid_icarus: I can't believe they left out the most beloved line of all,I'm not very computer illiterate......back in my help desk days, that line was uttered at least 500 times a day, made all the more maddening in that they seemed unaware they were stating the opposite of what they meant, but they all said it like that.
dramboxf: I cannot believe the left out the utter classic!Is the "the system" Internet down?
Stig2112: I've seen most of those over the years. They left off the one that really irritates me: The "we just hired a bunch of new people and they started today. We need you to get them set up with user accounts and email addresses right away." calls. Mind you the decision to hire these people was made weeks ago and no one thought to ask IT to set up the accounts ahead of time. Thankfully our complaints to HR took care of most of these calls eventually.
wmoonfox: So, depending on the availability of computing equipment, RSA tokens, furniture (oh yes, you're good with a screwdriver... go put that desk together), network drops/capacity, etc... users brought in without prior notice to IT could sometimes end up sitting on their hands for a month or more. And, of course, it was always my fault.
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