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(InfoWorld)   The 12 most dreaded help desk requests   (infoworld.com) divider line 337
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17193 clicks; posted to Geek » on 13 Sep 2012 at 2:26 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-13 11:40:03 AM  
 
2012-09-13 11:47:17 AM  
"Could you please get some exercise?"
 
2012-09-13 11:49:39 AM  
Number 7 is way too freakin true. Not a single day passes at work that I don't hear it

/I've been doing this stuff too long
 
2012-09-13 12:04:04 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Number 7 is way too freakin true. Not a single day passes at work that I don't hear it

/I've been doing this stuff too long


Agreed. What the hell can you do except clear cookies and temp files, run Malware and Virus scans and maybe reset default settings in the browser? I have only been doing this for about 6-8 years, but I am filled with hatred for most people now.

I am a master of the mute button so I can vent my spleen. If that thing ever breaks, I will be out of a job.
 
2012-09-13 12:04:11 PM  
I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve -

"Yeah, your secure FTP site is dumping me every 30 minutes right in the middle of downloading a large database dump, what's the deal?"

...or...

"Hi, your profiles are set up to prevent programs from creating local files on the local drive and is instead putting them in the virtual store. Could you release that for admin users?"

...or...

"Hey, there's several hundred people who are locked out of the work area and having to record their entry/exit data on paper because the access stations have slowed to a crawl. What's going on?"
 
2012-09-13 12:07:12 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Number 7 is way too freakin true. Not a single day passes at work that I don't hear it

/I've been doing this stuff too long

Agreed. What the hell can you do except clear cookies and temp files, run Malware and Virus scans and maybe reset default settings in the browser? I have only been doing this for about 6-8 years, but I am filled with hatred for most people now.

I am a master of the mute button so I can vent my spleen. If that thing ever breaks, I will be out of a job.


Heh... people would be very surprised if they heard what goes on in tech support during their calls

/especially when you get the same people a number of times
//and they ask the same damned stupid questions
 
2012-09-13 12:09:23 PM  
I can't believe they left out the most beloved line of all,

I'm not very computer illiterate...

...back in my help desk days, that line was uttered at least 500 times a day, made all the more maddening in that they seemed unaware they were stating the opposite of what they meant, but they all said it like that.
 
2012-09-13 12:09:24 PM  
I put a heavy cup of coffee in the computer's cup holder and it broke off. What do you mean that wasn't a cup holder?
 
2012-09-13 12:10:39 PM  
Eff you, slideshow. No clickie.
 
2012-09-13 12:12:13 PM  

TwistedIvory: Eff you, slideshow. No clickie.


Please see link in the b00bies
 
2012-09-13 12:14:43 PM  
No helldesk thread is complete without the following:

The Website is Down (NSFW Language)

Go on, you know you want to watch it again. What else were you going to do this close to lunch? Work? Pffft.
 
2012-09-13 12:15:26 PM  
"Speak English."
 
2012-09-13 12:17:38 PM  
crystaltips.typepad.com

"Have you tried turning it off, and on again?"
 
2012-09-13 12:20:19 PM  
"What were you doing at the time this happened?"

"Nothing"

Sign me up! I'd like a job that entails doing nothing.

Truth be told. I've had jobs wherein I didn't actually have anything to do. Those jobs sucked.
 
2012-09-13 12:24:51 PM  
You have not experienced real wonder unless the person is sure it is a ghost causing the problems, and not the fact cables are coming unplugged. After explaining ghosts can not use tools and screwing the cables in place the problem disappeared but the symptom of crazy remained in the hospital administrator
 
2012-09-13 12:25:11 PM  
Anything following "could you help me" would make the list
 
2012-09-13 12:38:38 PM  
Me: "Okay, let me connect to your computer and take a look. What's your computer name?" (we give each machine a specific name in AD, then connect through VNC Viewer, RDP or whatever through that name or IP Address.)

Customer: "Um, I call it Bob."

Me: (HITS MUTE BUTTON) "Oh, you're so farking funny. What a clever wit! Why are you slaving behind a computer instead of selling out Madison Square Garden with your stand-up act every night you farking turd?"

Me: (gritting my teeth) "Oh really? Mine's Fred." (I then hate myself for playing along with this asshole.)

Customer: "Where do I find the computer name? Oh here it is. 'Dell.' "

Me: (pulling my farking hair out) "No, that's the brand. I need the name we gave it. It should be there on your desktop wallpaper or on the sticker on the top of the tower."

Customer: "It's not on my desktop screen. And there is no sticker."

Me: "Oh? What's on your desktop screen?"

Customer: "My email."

Me: (slamming my head on the desk) "No, that's not your desktop wallpaper. Minimize all your open programs and tell me what you see in the lower right hand corner of the screen."

Customer: "Oh! Look at that. It says Computer name......."




Several times a week. And they almost always call their computer Bob. What the fark?
 
2012-09-13 12:47:08 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: Me: "Okay, let me connect to your computer and take a look. What's your computer name?" (we give each machine a specific name in AD, then connect through VNC Viewer, RDP or whatever through that name or IP Address.)

Customer: "Um, I call it Bob."

Me: (HITS MUTE BUTTON) "Oh, you're so farking funny. What a clever wit! Why are you slaving behind a computer instead of selling out Madison Square Garden with your stand-up act every night you farking turd?"

Me: (gritting my teeth) "Oh really? Mine's Fred." (I then hate myself for playing along with this asshole.)

Customer: "Where do I find the computer name? Oh here it is. 'Dell.' "

Me: (pulling my farking hair out) "No, that's the brand. I need the name we gave it. It should be there on your desktop wallpaper or on the sticker on the top of the tower."

Customer: "It's not on my desktop screen. And there is no sticker."

Me: "Oh? What's on your desktop screen?"

Customer: "My email."

Me: (slamming my head on the desk) "No, that's not your desktop wallpaper. Minimize all your open programs and tell me what you see in the lower right hand corner of the screen."

Customer: "Oh! Look at that. It says Computer name......."



Several times a week. And they almost always call their computer Bob. What the fark?


My computer doesn't have none of that stuff (translation: "I'm too lazy to look"). Can't you just send someone to look at it? No, I mean send them right now! What do you mean I have to wait? Don't you have someone down there who can come RIGHT NOW?? I can't hear my music without the sound on my computer!
 
2012-09-13 01:01:18 PM  

UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve


Truth. Any issue I can actually solve quickly and get the person on their way is a good one, no matter how annoying or trivial.

/currently covering our HD while all the print servers for the building are hosed, so I'm getting a kick..
 
2012-09-13 01:02:51 PM  
Just in time for customer service week, too, I see. Well, now. I spend the day logging on to other people's PCs and doing things like shrinking the browser that has every farking available tool bar and add on strapped to it like a German lesbian with ADD. Then, I ask them to open their email account so I can attach a file to an email because they were unable to do that, either. You would be amazed at how many of them have not only extremely personal emails open right then and there, but also how many people have rather personal IM windows popping up while I am logged onto their PC. I don't mind helping people out because that is what I do. I like being the most patient tech in the room, and setting an example for the younger kids who get pissed easily when people just can't function. I don't mind hearing a person in an executive position tell me, "I don't know nothing about no computers" because that tells me the economy is doing fine, anyone can get hired. And it tells me I can get hired anywhere, too. I have heard the most outrageous things from customer, but it's all in a day's work. I actually have never had a sit down job before, having been a factory worker, a furniture delivery guy, a UPS guy, a Cop, a baker, a chef, and an antiques dealer before. This job is nice. I get to sit on my ass all day. I wear fancy leather headphones. My Phone is in my PC. I get breaks. They buy cakes. They buy bagels. They throw us parties. I get weekends, nights, and paid vacations off. I cannot complain. I'm employed and others are not. I feel fortunate. I get to work with some of the brightest people in my state, too. But so help me god, the next person who calls me and doesn't know what time zone they are in is going to get a box of horse poop mailed to them.
 
2012-09-13 01:03:00 PM  
"I'm legally blind, but I'm a confident and fiercely independent woman. I'm new on this job and I DON'T want anyone thinking they made a bad hire, so don't even ask me to bring in a co-worker. I can't see my screen beyond a slight glow and have literally never worked with computers before. Now then, I'm told that our monthly reports are not uploading correctly, and that is all I know. What do I have to do to fix it?"

The call that lasted FOREVER.
 
2012-09-13 01:05:03 PM  

vudukungfu: the browser that has every farking available tool bar and add on strapped to it like a German lesbian with ADD.


Well, thanks... now I'm gonna snerk like a motherfarker every time I run in to this exact situation (which is not infrequently).
 
2012-09-13 01:11:41 PM  
Forgot password - check

Why is the internet so slow? - check

A classic from The Onion
 
2012-09-13 01:30:46 PM  
I do support for client with 300 locations...

The words I dread the most...

.."we are on Pen and Paper"
 
2012-09-13 01:33:30 PM  
My boss is so computer illiterate, he still uses AOL as his homepage. I was trying to log into Salesforce for him but I couldn't figure out the stupid AOL layout. When it took me an extra second to just pop open a browser, he kept insisting we call IT.
 
2012-09-13 01:37:40 PM  
I do some on the side repair jobs (mostly friends-of-friends to get a little extra spending cash), and I ALWAYS ask "Is there going to be anything I don't WANT to find (porn)?"

Answer: "No, I don't look at that stuff"

If they lied, it costs extra AND I take a screenshot of the offending item for my collection. It goes in my "Oh Internet" folder.
 
2012-09-13 01:38:18 PM  

UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve


Yeah, this is just a sysadmin biatch list. You want to know what I dread? "The data center's on fire".
 
2012-09-13 01:38:28 PM  
I don't work IT, but I do sell recording (DAW) software and Audio-Digital (A/D) peripherals. I swear there hasn't been one customer that I've sold to that doesn't call me a day or three later because they "can't get it to work." I regularly have to have them bring their gear or make a house call just to turn a knob or download the latest driver - all of which COULD be done over the phone, but they simply don't even understand what a driver is.

The worst are people over 55 or under 25.
 
2012-09-13 01:39:03 PM  
I cannot believe the left out the utter classic!

Is the Internet down?
 
2012-09-13 01:42:40 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: "Is there going to be anything I don't WANT to find (porn)?"


Yeah, my last gig as an IT Manager was for a company owned by a born-again Christian. One of our salespeople is gay. Working on his laptop, I found some (a huge shiat-ton) of gay porn. Job requirement was to report any "improper" programs or data found on company-owned equipment.

THAT was an aaaaawkward conversation.
 
2012-09-13 01:43:39 PM  

dramboxf: I cannot believe the left out the utter classic!

Is the Internet down?


No, ma'am, your homepage is just set to blank.

Babwa Wawa: UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve

Yeah, this is just a sysadmin biatch list. You want to know what I dread? "The data center's on fire".


I always dread the call that's basically, "I don't understand technology at all so I'm incapable of realizing the thing I'm calling you about is completely beyond your control, but I'm none-the-less going to scream and berate you over it while demanding you fix it immediately."
 
2012-09-13 01:47:46 PM  

kid_icarus: I don't understand technology at all so I'm incapable of realizing the thing I'm calling you about is completely beyond your control


Yeah, I had a remote user in North Carolina (the data center is in NorCal) who biatched constantly how slow "the servers" were. I must have explained ten thousand times that his piss-poor ISP was to blame, not us. He refused to go from DSL (with a like, 10,000 foot cable run to the CO) to cable (which had 5mb available for his address; I checked) because it cost like $40 more a month.

And because he was a salesman, he kept playing the "it's costing the company MONEY!" card so every time I had to re-explain it to management. Even going so far as to white-board "How The Internet Really Works."

"No...there are no tubes."

/not really, but it felt that way some times.
 
2012-09-13 01:49:22 PM  

dramboxf: Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: "Is there going to be anything I don't WANT to find (porn)?"

Yeah, my last gig as an IT Manager was for a company owned by a born-again Christian. One of our salespeople is gay. Working on his laptop, I found some (a huge shiat-ton) of gay porn. Job requirement was to report any "improper" programs or data found on company-owned equipment.

THAT was an aaaaawkward conversation.


I bet.

There are some really fun ones in my collection. My all-time favorite is from this guy I knew in college (tall, really skinny, very bookish) "N****r Sluts F***ing Horses". It cost him a LOT to keep me quiet (I don't give his name, and that's all I can promise).
 
2012-09-13 01:51:08 PM  
It's like they wrote an article for me.

Everyone in the company uses PC's then there's the President who's an Apple guy.
 
2012-09-13 01:51:44 PM  
Wow, that list was pretty spot on.

Also, why does everyone have a "quick question", and why do they have to seek permission to ask it instead of just asking? Why doesn't anyone just state,"I have a question," followed by said question?
 
2012-09-13 01:58:29 PM  
Dear God, I've heard EVERY ONE of those!

I'm going to go shoot myself now... :(
 
2012-09-13 02:02:43 PM  

xanadian: Dear God, I've heard EVERY ONE of those!

I'm going to go shoot myself now... :(


You're going to miss Groundhog Day. They're running it all night long on cable.
 
2012-09-13 02:04:58 PM  

dramboxf: I cannot believe the left out the utter classic!

Is the Internet down?


Once got a call from a frantic librarian who'd deleted the shortcut for Internet Explorer...

I JUST DELETED THE INTERNET!

/*facepalm*
 
2012-09-13 02:08:36 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: I bet.


Oh man, you have no idea. I had to speak in code.

Then I had to call the user, who was sorta-kinda a friend of mine and chew him out for putting me in that position.

I think my all-time favorite "can I ask a question" thing was when I was a phone monkey for AOL back around 1994 or so. Guy calls and asks if it's possible to have two monitors on a single computer, but both showing the same thing. This was before dual-head video cards were common and inexpensive, and so I told him I'm sure it was possible, but it depended on how far from the computer the second monitor was going to be.

"33 miles."

Turns out he wanted to watch what his wife was doing during the day while he was at work. I stupidly asked why he would want to do that, and the call went OFF THE RAILS. At the time we were graded on call time. <4 minutes was the goal. This one ended up taking almost an hour because we had a rule that we couldn't disconnect until the customer did unless they were using foul language.

He proceeds to tell me about how when he got married his wife was fat, and since she joined AOL six months ago she'd lost a ton of weight and basically spent all day in the AOL chat rooms. He was convinced she was having a cyber affair and was getting ready to turn it into a real one, and that's why he wanted to "monitor" her usage.

He treated me like a psychologist he was unloading onto. I kept saying, "Sir, this is REALLY a conversation you should have with your wife..." My supervisor came over and plugged in his headset to listen to me try to handle this guy...then smiled, shook his head in sympathy and wandered back to his own cube.
 
2012-09-13 02:09:16 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I JUST DELETED THE INTERNET!


User: (hands dramboxf a 3.5" floppy) "Can you download the Internet on to this?"
 
2012-09-13 02:15:22 PM  
My password won't work.

Are you sure you're typing it in correctly? its case sensitive.

Yes. I'm positive.

Are you sure? Is your caps lock key on?

No. I'm typing it in correctly. It is just not working.

/turns out user has caps lock key on.
 
2012-09-13 02:17:11 PM  

leftteffticle: UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve

Truth. Any issue I can actually solve quickly and get the person on their way is a good one, no matter how annoying or trivial.


Not only that - they may be clueless but if you solve their problem they will be happy as a pig in shiat.

I had a client that used to call me for relatively simple things. I used to have to dictate sql queries to him over the phone while he "hunt and pecked" the keyboard or we would spend 30 minutes finding out where some "button" was in the software he was using. It was tedious but every time we were done it was like I just made his millennium.
 
2012-09-13 02:18:55 PM  

Babwa Wawa: UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve

Yeah, this is just a sysadmin biatch list. You want to know what I dread? "The data center's on fire".



But be honest. You don't dread the data center burning to a cinder, you dread having to restore an ass-ton of data on new hardware. :)
 
2012-09-13 02:34:19 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Number 7 is way too freakin true. Not a single day passes at work that I don't hear it

/I've been doing this stuff too long

Agreed. What the hell can you do except clear cookies and temp files, run Malware and Virus scans and maybe reset default settings in the browser? I have only been doing this for about 6-8 years, but I am filled with hatred for most people now.

I am a master of the mute button so I can vent my spleen. If that thing ever breaks, I will be out of a job.


Ahh the mute button. lol I vent over Lync within the group chat of co-workers supporting the same clients :p
 
2012-09-13 02:35:43 PM  
My mouse isn't working.
 
2012-09-13 02:37:41 PM  
Rebooting the computer by turning the monitor on and off. That's an oldie but a goodie.
 
2012-09-13 02:37:58 PM  
This is why I need to get out of IT.
 
2012-09-13 02:39:46 PM  
agbeat.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com

img.thedailywtf.com
I think I might have found the problem...

i22.photobucket.com
 
2012-09-13 02:40:52 PM  
What about the moronic answers that we users get from the "help" desk? My two favourites are:

1. Hang on while I google that
2. I dunno, have you tried re-booting it?
 
2012-09-13 02:42:31 PM  
FTFA:
4. "How do I stop all these system updates?"

8. "My computer has a virus, but I clicked the prompt to update my antivirus software yesterday."

Ok IT guys, seriously, you can't have your cake and eat it, too. Choose one of these things to not happen, and I will be happy to comply. But you can't tell me to update my computer every time AND tell me NOT to click update whenever it comes up. That is literally impossible.

/stupid IT jerks
 
2012-09-13 02:42:55 PM  
And from the OTHER side of the spectrum:
- The office opens at 9 but you IT people seem to waddle in at 10:30. What gives?
- Can you repeat that instruction WITHOUT a mouthful of Cheetos this time?
- Sorry, I don't know computer lingo. I have a demanding life that requires me to go outside & have sex & stuff.
- That new security systems works great! Even the office employees are blocked out of the system, Q-bert!
- Thanks for being so condescending or `aspie' as you neck-beards call it. (Yeah-yeah, bonafide medical condition...)
- Honestly, my computer is making strange noises. You just can't hear it over your own strange wheezing noises.
 
2012-09-13 02:43:49 PM  
Also, my damn smartphone has more RAM than my PC that needs to run about 15 programs on four monitors. Seriously, I DO need an upgrade!
 
2012-09-13 02:45:57 PM  
 
2012-09-13 02:46:08 PM  

Glenford: What about the moronic answers that we users get from the "help" desk? My two favourites are:

1. Hang on while I google that
2. I dunno, have you tried re-booting it?


If more people actually did that for most requests just imagine how efficient things would be. Google for a man and he'll search for the day, teach a man to google and somehow he'll end up at some weird porn site that makes German midget scat porn look like softcore.
 
2012-09-13 02:46:24 PM  
"My email doesn't work!"
 
2012-09-13 02:46:30 PM  
I think the printer thing was the worst, working as the only IT admin for a site with 1500 local users and ~1000 flung all over the US. Not because it happened every thirty minutes, but because users invariably tried to "fix" it themselves, regardless of how many times that failed to work out before.

Users, please note: we appreciate the effort (we do!), but, if you've failed to unjam the printer every single time you've tried, please just skip to calling support instead of sticking random metal objects into the high-voltage equipment and mercilessly beating it until parts start falling out.

It's totally worth it to get your foot in the door in IT, but, in hindsight, I am sooo glad I got out of there when I did.
 
2012-09-13 02:48:02 PM  

UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve -

"Yeah, your secure FTP site is dumping me every 30 minutes right in the middle of downloading a large database dump, what's the deal?"

...or...

"Hi, your profiles are set up to prevent programs from creating local files on the local drive and is instead putting them in the virtual store. Could you release that for admin users?"

...or...

"Hey, there's several hundred people who are locked out of the work area and having to record their entry/exit data on paper because the access stations have slowed to a crawl. What's going on?"


Exactly. Try diagnosing transient file server slowness and you'll be glad to reset someone's password.
 
2012-09-13 02:49:28 PM  

Grither: FTFA:
4. "How do I stop all these system updates?"

8. "My computer has a virus, but I clicked the prompt to update my antivirus software yesterday."

Ok IT guys, seriously, you can't have your cake and eat it, too. Choose one of these things to not happen, and I will be happy to comply. But you can't tell me to update my computer every time AND tell me NOT to click update whenever it comes up. That is literally impossible.

/stupid IT jerks


Generally, if the stupid IT jerks want to update your computer, they don't need your approval. If you get a popup telling you to update something, it's probably BS.

Bottom line is that, if your IT department is even remotely competent, you will never have to worry about updates.
 
2012-09-13 02:51:38 PM  
My work computer is too slow to run Guild Wars 2. Time for an Upgrayedd!
 
2012-09-13 02:51:51 PM  
I've seen twenty or more lists of complaints and rants by help desk workers over the years. In fact IT help desk workers may be the most whiny biatchy group of people on the internet outside of the politics tab on Fark. And that's surprising because there are so many jobs out there that are more demanding and irritating but you don't see the people with those jobs complaining and whining nearly as often as IT help desk workers.
 
2012-09-13 02:51:57 PM  
Had a gal today where I had to completely reset her IE, lost all her offline content. She couldn't drop down and go to Verizon, which is where her internet lived. So I patiently walked her through typing Googe in the address bar, and then typing Verizon into google and then she logged on so she could go to her favorites in teh IE browser, (which I hadn't deleted) and click on the page she does all her work on.
You know, mam'n, I could just make that page your home page.
OH NO NO NO NO NO, I need to go to VEWIZIN!, Dat's Wheah Mah Intanit comes frum. !!!!!
Yes mam'n, and you have a wonderful day.
 
2012-09-13 02:53:21 PM  
If you are working the Help Desk and still getting aggravated by people who are less than computer literate, then maybe IT Customer Service isn't for you.

/did my time
 
2012-09-13 02:53:26 PM  

UberDave: leftteffticle: UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve

Truth. Any issue I can actually solve quickly and get the person on their way is a good one, no matter how annoying or trivial.

Not only that - they may be clueless but if you solve their problem they will be happy as a pig in shiat.


Truth.. it amuses me to no end that people think I am some kind of a superwoman, genius, or magician because I can do things for them that are extremely simple (to me) but insurmountable tasks to them. I work for a university so I'm generally dealing with a pool of PhD students and professors (which, I know, I know.. doesn't mean they're actually intelligent, but they're SmartTM) and it's basically the greatest thing when some Important Guy gushes over me for 5 minutes because I rebooted his computer and things worked again or something like that.
 
2012-09-13 02:53:34 PM  

Grither: FTFA:
4. "How do I stop all these system updates?"

8. "My computer has a virus, but I clicked the prompt to update my antivirus software yesterday."

Ok IT guys, seriously, you can't have your cake and eat it, too. Choose one of these things to not happen, and I will be happy to comply. But you can't tell me to update my computer every time AND tell me NOT to click update whenever it comes up. That is literally impossible.

/stupid IT jerks


You're either trolling or you don't know the difference between a legitimate push and a malware popup.
 
2012-09-13 02:54:19 PM  

Lumpmoose: UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve -

...

Exactly. Try diagnosing transient file server slowness and you'll be glad to reset someone's password.


Or... the poorly-designed and -implemented prox/maglock system protecting your secured facility has locked up hard due to a packet storm caused by a user plugging his personal 10mb hub into the corporate network to "test" it after a lightning strike, and now nobody can get into the building.

Started keeping a key to the only external striker lock in the facility after that.
 
2012-09-13 02:55:12 PM  
Also, #2 is bullshiat.

Most users live in fear of a software or hardware refresh.
 
2012-09-13 02:55:14 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Number 7 is way too freakin true. Not a single day passes at work that I don't hear it

/I've been doing this stuff too long

Agreed. What the hell can you do except clear cookies and temp files, run Malware and Virus scans and maybe reset default settings in the browser? I have only been doing this for about 6-8 years, but I am filled with hatred for most people now.

I am a master of the mute button so I can vent my spleen. If that thing ever breaks, I will be out of a job.


You both still haven't answered why the internet is slow sometimes.

Seriously, you're in charge of all the tech stuff, but hate people for asking you the tech questions??

When the internet is cripplingly slow, it stops the productivity of everyone. Not everyone is in your super secret club of knowledge, so we don't know why it's slow. I can't count how many times there has been a problem with our routers here, which they finally begrudgingly checked after being bothered by it by the manager.

Little less snark and hatred, little more helpfulness and warmth.
 
2012-09-13 02:55:25 PM  
Been in the field for 20 years now. Thankfully, I got away from the ordinary support calls like that a while ago. Which means I typically have to deal with CEOs instead. It's much, much more infuriating.
 
2012-09-13 02:55:41 PM  
I'm surprised that 'the coffee cup holder won't retract anymore' didn't make the list.
 
2012-09-13 02:56:44 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: Me: "Okay, let me connect to your computer and take a look. What's your computer name?" (we give each machine a specific name in AD, then connect through VNC Viewer, RDP or whatever through that name or IP Address.)

Customer: "Um, I call it Bob."

Me: (HITS MUTE BUTTON) "Oh, you're so farking funny. What a clever wit! Why are you slaving behind a computer instead of selling out Madison Square Garden with your stand-up act every night you farking turd?"

Me: (gritting my teeth) "Oh really? Mine's Fred." (I then hate myself for playing along with this asshole.)

Customer: "Where do I find the computer name? Oh here it is. 'Dell.' "

Me: (pulling my farking hair out) "No, that's the brand. I need the name we gave it. It should be there on your desktop wallpaper or on the sticker on the top of the tower."

Customer: "It's not on my desktop screen. And there is no sticker."

Me: "Oh? What's on your desktop screen?"

Customer: "My email."

Me: (slamming my head on the desk) "No, that's not your desktop wallpaper. Minimize all your open programs and tell me what you see in the lower right hand corner of the screen."

Customer: "Oh! Look at that. It says Computer name......."

Several times a week. And they almost always call their computer Bob. What the fark?


Or, just say "Hold the Windows key (it is on the bottom left of your keyboard between control and alt) and then press the m key. What's it say for computer name in the lower right corner of the screen?"
 
2012-09-13 02:58:41 PM  
"I think the baby is yours."

Am I the only one who keeps getting that call? Man, just try to pick a category for that ticket.
 
2012-09-13 03:00:11 PM  

TsarTom: "I'm legally blind, but I'm a confident and fiercely independent woman. I'm new on this job and I DON'T want anyone thinking they made a bad hire, so don't even ask me to bring in a co-worker. I can't see my screen beyond a slight glow and have literally never worked with computers before. Now then, I'm told that our monthly reports are not uploading correctly, and that is all I know. What do I have to do to fix it?"

The call that lasted FOREVER.


Come on, you can't leave us hanging like that. Did you immediately send an email to her supervisor? What happened?
 
2012-09-13 03:00:44 PM  

Nightsweat: "I think the baby is yours."

Am I the only one who keeps getting that call? Man, just try to pick a category for that ticket.



Not a really popular category for most IT guys.

Maybe "Other" would work.
 
2012-09-13 03:01:53 PM  

vudukungfu: Just in time for customer service week, too, I see. Well, now. I spend the day logging on to other people's PCs and doing things like shrinking the browser that has every farking available tool bar and add on strapped to it like a German lesbian with ADD. Then, I ask them to open their email account so I can attach a file to an email because they were unable to do that, either. You would be amazed at how many of them have not only extremely personal emails open right then and there, but also how many people have rather personal IM windows popping up while I am logged onto their PC. I don't mind helping people out because that is what I do. I like being the most patient tech in the room, and setting an example for the younger kids who get pissed easily when people just can't function. I don't mind hearing a person in an executive position tell me, "I don't know nothing about no computers" because that tells me the economy is doing fine, anyone can get hired. And it tells me I can get hired anywhere, too. I have heard the most outrageous things from customer, but it's all in a day's work. I actually have never had a sit down job before, having been a factory worker, a furniture delivery guy, a UPS guy, a Cop, a baker, a chef, and an antiques dealer before. This job is nice. I get to sit on my ass all day. I wear fancy leather headphones. My Phone is in my PC. I get breaks. They buy cakes. They buy bagels. They throw us parties. I get weekends, nights, and paid vacations off. I cannot complain. I'm employed and others are not. I feel fortunate. I get to work with some of the brightest people in my state, too. But so help me god, the next person who calls me and doesn't know what time zone they are in is going to get a box of horse poop mailed to them.


For when you need it.
 
2012-09-13 03:02:26 PM  
The worst call I ever got was when I was working for MCI, this was in 1998, the call went like this, "Our entire network is down, nobody can find the server, the printers are all offline, and I can't get my e-mail."

My response was Oh shiat.

/A lightening strike in the night had wiped out the hub and 12 network cards. Everyone in that department got to take a 4 hour lunch that day.
 
2012-09-13 03:03:28 PM  
Could you set my personal phone up for email?

Generally this is easy if you use an exchange server if you know the details but it isn't always obvious.

And the reason people need this is because IT can't be bothered to get modern phones accredited for use as company phones. BYOD is also becoming more popular because it saves companies money.

Dear IT: Nobody wants to use a blackberry. Please update your shiat to allow Android and iPhones stat
 
2012-09-13 03:04:32 PM  

xnecron: Also, #2 is bullshiat.

Most users live in fear of a software or hardware refresh.


There were pretty much two distinct categories with my users: the people for whom an upgrade would make the least impact (finance, management, etc.) were always chomping at the bit for the latest hardware, while the people who would benefit the most from such an upgrade (developers, road techs, etc.) were utterly horrified at the notion.
 
2012-09-13 03:04:37 PM  

YixilTesiphon: TsarTom: "I'm legally blind, but I'm a confident and fiercely independent woman. I'm new on this job and I DON'T want anyone thinking they made a bad hire, so don't even ask me to bring in a co-worker. I can't see my screen beyond a slight glow and have literally never worked with computers before. Now then, I'm told that our monthly reports are not uploading correctly, and that is all I know. What do I have to do to fix it?"

The call that lasted FOREVER.

Come on, you can't leave us hanging like that. Did you immediately send an email to her supervisor? What happened?


Every time I see a woman describe herself as a 'strong independent woman' or something in those lines, I think raging feminist. Seriously, we get it. You can take care of yourself and don't believe that you need to rely on someone else. Using those code words to describe yourself is like a guy with a small peener driving a sports car.
 
2012-09-13 03:06:42 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: Me: "Okay, let me connect to your computer and take a look. What's your computer name?" (we give each machine a specific name in AD, then connect through VNC Viewer, RDP or whatever through that name or IP Address.)

Customer: "Um, I call it Bob."

Me: (HITS MUTE BUTTON) "Oh, you're so farking funny. What a clever wit! Why are you slaving behind a computer instead of selling out Madison Square Garden with your stand-up act every night you farking turd?"

Me: (gritting my teeth) "Oh really? Mine's Fred." (I then hate myself for playing along with this asshole.)

Customer: "Where do I find the computer name? Oh here it is. 'Dell.' "

Me: (pulling my farking hair out) "No, that's the brand. I need the name we gave it. It should be there on your desktop wallpaper or on the sticker on the top of the tower."

Customer: "It's not on my desktop screen. And there is no sticker."

Me: "Oh? What's on your desktop screen?"

Customer: "My email."

Me: (slamming my head on the desk) "No, that's not your desktop wallpaper. Minimize all your open programs and tell me what you see in the lower right hand corner of the screen."

Customer: "Oh! Look at that. It says Computer name......."



Several times a week. And they almost always call their computer Bob. What the fark?


I avoid such issues by using an automated inventory system that enables me to search user names and retrieve a list of computers that they have recently accessed.
 
2012-09-13 03:06:57 PM  
I love nursing. I was in IT for almost 10 years and don't miss it at all. Seriously, I had a woman almost bleed on my shoes from her butt last night and it is still better than having to deal with people who have no clue how tech works and having coworkers think they are god because they know how to do these simple things.
 
2012-09-13 03:09:01 PM  

Faddy: Dear IT: Nobody wants to use a blackberry. Please update your shiat to allow Android and iPhones stat


Dear user: The reason that Android and IOS approval lagged for so long is because of those systems' poor support for and/or reluctance to implement full-system encryption. As I recall, the only way we even managed to get Android approved was through the use of some third-party sandbox app. Either way, it wasn't our fault, and besides... security has the final say over crap like that -- trust me, your IT guy wants to dump his BB as much as you do.
 
2012-09-13 03:10:15 PM  
1.bp.blogspot.com

"There's not enough room on my screen for the web. I need a bigger monitor"
 
2012-09-13 03:11:56 PM  

Dimensio: I avoid such issues by using an automated inventory system that enables me to search user names and retrieve a list of computers that they have recently accessed.


Except when an employee has raided the cubical of the recently laid off and thought he could get the newer machine without asking.

Him: My password doesn't work
Me: No Problem I will reset it (looks up computer name resets login password)
Him: The new password doesn't work
Me: No problem I will be downstairs in 10 minutes.

Get downstairs, low and behold he is using a different computer he thought the cubical assigned the computer name.
 
2012-09-13 03:13:33 PM  

PainInTheASP: No helldesk thread is complete without the following:

The Website is Down (NSFW Language)

Go on, you know you want to watch it again. What else were you going to do this close to lunch? Work? Pffft.


That is farking HILARIOUS!!!
 
2012-09-13 03:13:36 PM  
IT guys do not give a shiat about password resets. They take no time to do.

"whats your username?" *clicky clicky* "ok, your password is now password, and you will have to change it to something else as soon as you login." *close ticket*
 
2012-09-13 03:14:56 PM  
"....Please do the needful."
 
2012-09-13 03:15:50 PM  

Glenford: What about the moronic answers that we users get from the "help" desk? My two favourites are:

2. I dunno, have you tried re-booting it?

 
Nah.  Its always good to get that out of the way first.  What if they forgot to reboot?  Rebooting solves many problems.


 
 
2012-09-13 03:16:07 PM  
As a developer, number 7 is really a pain in the ass. I go through a lot of effort to make sure any error messages are detailed and helpful, but no one reads them.

user: "I clicked the button and it gave me an error."
me: "What did the error say?"
user: "I don't know. Is that important?"
 
2012-09-13 03:16:49 PM  
I've seen most of those over the years. They left off the one that really irritates me: The "we just hired a bunch of new people and they started today. We need you to get them set up with user accounts and email addresses right away." calls. Mind you the decision to hire these people was made weeks ago and no one thought to ask IT to set up the accounts ahead of time. Thankfully our complaints to HR took care of most of these calls eventually.
 
2012-09-13 03:16:59 PM  
I don't even work in tech support, I'm just a simple office worker. And because I know my way around a PC, I have been asked nearly all of these things. I should ask for a raise...
 
2012-09-13 03:17:43 PM  

kid_icarus: I can't believe they left out the most beloved line of all,

I'm not very computer illiterate...

...back in my help desk days, that line was uttered at least 500 times a day, made all the more maddening in that they seemed unaware they were stating the opposite of what they meant, but they all said it like that.


CSB:

Way back when ('96), I had just started my job at a company doing tech support for Sun expansion cards and usually clueless sysadmins who need general Solaris help. Phone call comes in, I pick up, and a female voice on the other end starts off on how their systems were down, everyone was in a panic, and what's this "UH-nix" thing that she needs to do?

I sigh. Woman on the other end goes "Rick?" "No, I'm enry". Turns out it was the wife of my colleague who wanted to give her husband some crap. She is a sysadmin too so knew exactly what it would take to make us think our day had been ruined.
 
Ant
2012-09-13 03:18:57 PM  
The most annoying problems are the problems that are only problems in the user's mind.

My boss's boss: "Hey, the instruction document I had on my desktop for connecting to VPN and WiFi when travelling has changed!"
Me: "Yeah, we updated them with new info and pushed them out to all laptop users. The new instructions include the old ones"
My boss's boss: "HOW DARE YOU CHANGE A FILE ON MY DESKTOP! I am calling a meeting with you and [boss] right now!!!"
 
2012-09-13 03:20:59 PM  
Forgotten passwords wouldn't be an issue if we didn't have 12-14 different systems we had to log into that all have unique password requirements. Do you expect me to write them down?
 
Ant
2012-09-13 03:22:13 PM  

dramboxf: I cannot believe the left out the utter classic!

Is the "the system" Internet down?


FTFY Whatever the fark "the system" is, I'll never guess.
 
2012-09-13 03:22:52 PM  

Stig2112: I've seen most of those over the years. They left off the one that really irritates me: The "we just hired a bunch of new people and they started today. We need you to get them set up with user accounts and email addresses right away." calls. Mind you the decision to hire these people was made weeks ago and no one thought to ask IT to set up the accounts ahead of time. Thankfully our complaints to HR took care of most of these calls eventually.


Oh gods, I had forgotten about that. Finding equipment for them was also a nightmare. We had multiple contracts working out of the same facility, so each contract had its own equipment allowance. No single contract wanted to keep more than one or two spare machines to cover new hires, contracts refused to share or transfer unused equipment, and requisitions could take upwards of four weeks.

So, depending on the availability of computing equipment, RSA tokens, furniture (oh yes, you're good with a screwdriver... go put that desk together), network drops/capacity, etc... users brought in without prior notice to IT could sometimes end up sitting on their hands for a month or more. And, of course, it was always my fault.
 
2012-09-13 03:24:46 PM  
back in the 90s I worked for an ISP and it was pretty common for people to bring their Imacs into the office and demand to watch while "put" the internet on them.
 
2012-09-13 03:25:46 PM  

wmoonfox: So, depending on the availability of computing equipment, RSA tokens, furniture (oh yes, you're good with a screwdriver... go put that desk together), network drops/capacity, etc... users brought in without prior notice to IT could sometimes end up sitting on their hands for a month or more. And, of course, it was always my fault.


Reminds me of the department head who wondered why I couldn't just give the new hires the old computers we replaced 2 years ago after she had excessed them to be disposed of 18 months ago.
 
2012-09-13 03:26:28 PM  
How about "You work for me, now help those people do their job. If everyone here was computer litterate, we wouldn't need you."
 
2012-09-13 03:26:36 PM  
Because WinRAR has the ability to step outside of archive files and actually browse the computer, my boss is convinced that sending a client a RAR file will allow them to browse his computer.
 
2012-09-13 03:27:15 PM  

xnecron: Also, #2 is bullshiat.

Most users live in fear of a software or hardware refresh.


Where I work, we can't upgrade someone unless we upgrade everyone or there is serious butthurt that someone else got something they didn't.

Petty, yes, but pays the bills.
 
2012-09-13 03:28:12 PM  

FunkyBlue: xnecron: Also, #2 is bullshiat.

Most users live in fear of a software or hardware refresh.

Where I work, we can't upgrade someone unless we upgrade everyone or there is serious butthurt that someone else got something they didn't.

Petty, yes, but pays the bills.


Sounds like a federal gig.
 
2012-09-13 03:28:12 PM  

TwistedIvory: Eff you, slideshow. No clickie.


Tag is for slideshow-linking subby.
 
2012-09-13 03:29:06 PM  

theflatline: back in the 90s I worked for an ISP and it was pretty common for people to bring their Imacs into the office and demand to watch while "put" the internet on them.


Heh, working at a retail computer store in the late 90s was when I learned that, for some people, seeing their computer without the cover on it was roughly as traumatic as seeing their pets being vivisected.
 
2012-09-13 03:30:44 PM  

Tom_Slick: Dimensio: I avoid such issues by using an automated inventory system that enables me to search user names and retrieve a list of computers that they have recently accessed.

Except when an employee has raided the cubical of the recently laid off and thought he could get the newer machine without asking.

Him: My password doesn't work
Me: No Problem I will reset it (looks up computer name resets login password)
Him: The new password doesn't work
Me: No problem I will be downstairs in 10 minutes.

Get downstairs, low and behold he is using a different computer he thought the cubical assigned the computer name.


As all of the users whom I support use Active Directory accounts, no user I support would encounter such a problem. I, however, would notice and object to the sudden commandeering of hardware without authorization.
 
Ant
2012-09-13 03:30:50 PM  

Grither: FTFA:
4. "How do I stop all these system updates?"

8. "My computer has a virus, but I clicked the prompt to update my antivirus software yesterday."

Ok IT guys, seriously, you can't have your cake and eat it, too. Choose one of these things to not happen, and I will be happy to comply. But you can't tell me to update my computer every time AND tell me NOT to click update whenever it comes up. That is literally impossible.

/stupid IT jerks


Learn the difference between a real update, and one of the "OMFG!! Yuor Comptor iz infected with eleventy billion viruses! Click here to fix it!!!!!" updates
 
2012-09-13 03:31:56 PM  

Nightsweat: "I think the baby is yours."

Am I the only one who keeps getting that call? Man, just try to pick a category for that ticket.


Well, since she's a waitress, I'd go with "server error"
 
2012-09-13 03:33:04 PM  

Stig2112: I've seen most of those over the years. They left off the one that really irritates me: The "we just hired a bunch of new people and they started today. We need you to get them set up with user accounts and email addresses right away." calls. Mind you the decision to hire these people was made weeks ago and no one thought to ask IT to set up the accounts ahead of time. Thankfully our complaints to HR took care of most of these calls eventually.


A procedure for informing relevant staff of new hires was enacted prior to my employment. Unfortunately, this procedure did not apply to temporary staff. After explaining why, upon multiple occasions, temporary staff arrived to discover that the computer that their supervisors had intended them to use had been disabled because I had removed the hard drive for a back-up and reimaging, a process for temporary hires was established.
 
2012-09-13 03:34:29 PM  
I had a customer in the 1990s bring a computer into me and was quite upset about the smell coming from it.

I opened it up and identified a puddle of vomit laced with Boones Farm Strawberry hill.

Jackasses kid had the case off the computer, was drunk playing Doom, and got motion sickness, barfed in it, and closed the sucker back up.

The computer still worked and I refused to clean it and told him to take his business elsehwere.
 
2012-09-13 03:35:28 PM  
I doubt BOFH would have any problem with any of these
 
Ant
2012-09-13 03:35:30 PM  

wmoonfox: Bottom line is that, if your IT department is even remotely competent, you will never have to worry about updates.


This. Where I work, if you are asked to update anything at all, it's guaranteed to be bullshiat.
 
2012-09-13 03:35:48 PM  
I suggest these whining coonts find another line of work.
 
2012-09-13 03:36:05 PM  
13. (After solving a long, drawn-out issue): "Oh wait! Since I have you on the phone, could you help me with......?"

14. Phone rings. "HI THIS IS ! I AM DEAD IN THE WATER OVER HERE!!! THIS IS BULL#%&# WHAT IS BEING DONE TO FIX THIS????!!"
 
2012-09-13 03:36:19 PM  

Dimensio: As all of the users whom I support use Active Directory accounts, no user I support would encounter such a problem. I, however, would notice and object to the sudden commandeering of hardware without authorization.


This was back in 2002 when WorldCom Purged most of their staff, I had excess computers up to my eyeballs and my department went form 10 guys to 2 you could have walked out with a decommissioned server and it would have have taken us months to notice. Bankruptcy reorganization causes many problems.
 
2012-09-13 03:36:20 PM  
Chief Executive calls:

"Hey, I need a file restored. Actually, it's a contact or two from Outlook. When did I delete them? I think it may have been a year or two ago, I just didn't realize it until now".
 
2012-09-13 03:36:30 PM  
I like the responses in this thread that insinuates that a user's life is more important and meaningful than an IT guy's who is working there for the same reason you are: to get money to eat, keep a place to live and have some fun on occasion. Treating your IT guys like shiat is WHY you get these attitudes. It's a give/take process - if you want expedient help then be nice to us and don't treat us like magical fix-it fairies.

You'd be surprised the sheer amount of dumb shiat we're willing to put up with as long as you're willing to work with us rather than simply give up because the dumb box on your desk is too hard to figure out. If you don't want us to be condescending to you then don't give us an attitude when we try to help you.

The reason why we tell you to do the seemingly obvious things first is due to Occam's razor. It's also part of the troubleshooting process. It might end the call right there and you'll be able to go through your day. Even if you've already done it just humor us and do it again or at least lie if you've really done it already before you called.

Another reason why (at least some of us) sometimes use 'technical' jargon when we talk through problems is because we're trying not to insult your intelligence. If you really don't understand us, don't go 'speak English, please' or something equally as rude. A simple 'I don't understand what that means' is fine. If it's relevant to solving the problem and we can do it succinctly enough, we'll explain what words mean. It may even help you in the future.

We're not farking drones. Don't treat us like drones and we'll be absolutely fine with helping you. We'll be as pleasant to you as you are to us. We'll still biatch about the really dumb issues, but every single job in the world has 'dumb shiat we biatch out to our colleagues.' Generally, the problem isn't these issues themselves, but rather, that it's the same users calling about the same problems that are fixed in the same way. People who don't learn are facepalm-worthy to me regardless of what they do for a living, but we'll still help you fix it because that's what we're paid to do. If we vent in our spare time to the internet about it, well, I don't know what to tell you.
 
2012-09-13 03:37:48 PM  

wmoonfox:
So, depending on the availability of computing equipment, RSA tokens, furniture (oh yes, you're good with a screwdriver... go put that desk together), network drops/capacity, etc... users brought in without prior notice to IT could sometimes end up sitting on their hands for a month or more. And, of course, it was always my fault.


Oh I forgot about the furniture. Gotta love when some manager rearranges their office and then wants you to drop everything to set up their computer, printer, and other stuff right then. Of course when they were moving stuff around they didn't give any consideration to where the power outlets and network jacks were......


My first day in IT I reduced a woman to tears because I asked her if her printer had any paper in it.......
 
2012-09-13 03:38:26 PM  

YixilTesiphon: TsarTom: "I'm legally blind, but I'm a confident and fiercely independent woman. I'm new on this job and I DON'T want anyone thinking they made a bad hire, so don't even ask me to bring in a co-worker. I can't see my screen beyond a slight glow and have literally never worked with computers before. Now then, I'm told that our monthly reports are not uploading correctly, and that is all I know. What do I have to do to fix it?"

The call that lasted FOREVER.

Come on, you can't leave us hanging like that. Did you immediately send an email to her supervisor? What happened?


Yeah, hopefully she got fired for being handicapped. Those people have all the advantages of special parking (Damned government intervention). What business did she have calling a technical support line anyways?
 
2012-09-13 03:41:52 PM  

Gone In 26 Minutes: at least lie


NEVER LIE TO IT! NEVER EVER!

I would much rather have someone tell me they were doing something they shouldn't have been or are simply too lazy to figure out how to work something, then for them to lead me off on some wild goose chase to fix an error they farking made up.
 
2012-09-13 03:44:34 PM  
AdolfOliverPanties

Agreed. What the hell can you do except clear cookies and temp files, run Malware and Virus scans and maybe reset default settings in the browser? I have only been doing this for about 6-8 years, but I am filled with hatred for most people now.

I am a master of the mute button so I can vent my spleen. If that thing ever breaks, I will be out of a job.



you and me both. If everyone on earth vanaished i would not be sad for 3 days. then i would be devastated. My DSL support has caused me to pray for an EMP everyday.
 
2012-09-13 03:44:34 PM  

Gone In 26 Minutes: It's a give/take process - if you want expedient help then be nice to us and don't treat us like magical fix-it fairies.


That right there is the "scary truth" behind IT attitude.
It's. Your. Job.

There is no requirement, aside from the basic human requirement to treat others as you would like to be treated, to do your job. No one needs to be nice to anyone. Just farking take care of it.

We want expediant help because that's what you're being paid for. Does your contract say "we'll pay you $$, and niceys to fix our computers"?
 
2012-09-13 03:45:08 PM  

fluffy2097: Gone In 26 Minutes: at least lie

NEVER LIE TO IT! NEVER EVER!

I would much rather have someone tell me they were doing something they shouldn't have been or are simply too lazy to figure out how to work something, then for them to lead me off on some wild goose chase to fix an error they farking made up.


I meant lie about things like rebooting your PC, checking connections, etc. If you're absolutely confident you've already done those things and we ask you to do it, just say you're doing it so we can cross it off the list. If you're not sure, of course, then it pays to err on the side of caution and just do what's asked. Remember, we're trying to get people back to work ASAP. We're not making people jump through hoops for amusement.
 
2012-09-13 03:45:14 PM  

Faddy: Could you set my personal phone up for email?

Generally this is easy if you use an exchange server if you know the details but it isn't always obvious.

And the reason people need this is because IT can't be bothered to get modern phones accredited for use as company phones. BYOD is also becoming more popular because it saves companies money.

Dear IT: Nobody wants to use a blackberry. Please update your shiat to allow Android and iPhones stat


Don't complain to your IT department about this, you have to talk to infosec. And usually if they are using BB there is a specific security reason why they are as BB is mainly used because of its encryption,. Also you probably shouldn't push for BYOD. I would never use my own device for work because if the company detects any type of unusual activity coming from your device at any time they will brick it and there isn't anything you can do about it.

Stig2112: I've seen most of those over the years. They left off the one that really irritates me: The "we just hired a bunch of new people and they started today. We need you to get them set up with user accounts and email addresses right away." calls. Mind you the decision to hire these people was made weeks ago and no one thought to ask IT to set up the accounts ahead of time. Thankfully our complaints to HR took care of most of these calls eventually.


I loved those also, especially when there is a documented process to follow for all new hires that includes filling out an online form for all equipment and accesses that they will need. You always had the managers that complained that they didn't have time to fill out the request and demand that you give the person access to whatever they need now.

But my all time favorite from when I used to work for Chase was when somebody would call in about a previous ticket and not have the ticket number, but will give you the first name of the last person they talked to a demand that you transfer them to that person. Even after I would explain to them that there were about 500 people in the department working in 5 different cities spread out over 3 continents working 24/7/365, I have no idea who the Jim you are referring to is or if he is even working to day or where he is working, they would still ask for that person and get mad if I didn't transfer them now.
 
2012-09-13 03:45:33 PM  
Observing the disdain that many technical support staff have evidently developed for their end-users makes me grateful for my employment servicing individuals who are consistently friendly.

I suspect, though I cannot confirm, that my ruthless policies toward system security may be responsible for my reduced workload.
 
2012-09-13 03:48:07 PM  
"I have all these pop-ups, even when I'm not using the browser!"
 
2012-09-13 03:49:13 PM  
I develop software for robotic and automated systems used in manufacturing. I could provide a laundry list of douchebag IT behavior too. Lighten the fark up already - at least we're getting a paycheck.
 
2012-09-13 03:49:31 PM  
Them: "My Email isn't working."
Me: "Ok, have you made any changes lately?"
Them: "Nope."

*20 minutes later*

Them: "Oh, well I did just get a new computer because my old one exploded. But I swear the settings are all the same!"

/Exaggerated but been there.
 
2012-09-13 03:49:56 PM  

Charlie Freak: I don't work IT, but I do sell recording (DAW) software and Audio-Digital (A/D) peripherals. I swear there hasn't been one customer that I've sold to that doesn't call me a day or three later because they "can't get it to work." I regularly have to have them bring their gear or make a house call just to turn a knob or download the latest driver - all of which COULD be done over the phone, but they simply don't even understand what a driver is.

The worst are people over 55 or under 25.


To be fair, some DAW software is inscrutably complicated just to get the damn crap working. I'm looking at you, EastWest and your farking multiple layers of soft- and hardware security measures that make it goddamn impossible to get the damn thing working without 30 minutes of registration and activation, and even THEN requiring the installation of third party software to run virtual MIDI ports to get it to talk to other DAWs that you don't even provide or make and I had to freaking buy separately.

I hate EastWest.
 
2012-09-13 03:50:33 PM  

sure haven't: Gone In 26 Minutes: It's a give/take process - if you want expedient help then be nice to us and don't treat us like magical fix-it fairies.

That right there is the "scary truth" behind IT attitude.
It's. Your. Job.

There is no requirement, aside from the basic human requirement to treat others as you would like to be treated, to do your job. No one needs to be nice to anyone. Just farking take care of it.

We want expediant help because that's what you're being paid for. Does your contract say "we'll pay you $$, and niceys to fix our computers"?


I highlighted the relevant part of your post that should've answered your own question. We're obligated to help you, but we'll be a lot nicer and quicker (that is, we might actually get up an go to your desk and do something quickly for you that might take you a bit longer on your own) if you're nicer to us. If you treat me like shiat, you get the bare minimum that's required of me to solve your problem. If it's a ticket system, your ticket may end up 'accidentally' ending up lower priority on my queue.
 
2012-09-13 03:51:24 PM  
IT hates us... a whole department of people who know significantly more about their jobs than they do (including many of us who used to do IT).
 
2012-09-13 03:52:25 PM  
More like "12 Reasons Why You Have a Job".
 
2012-09-13 03:53:33 PM  

kid_icarus: I can't believe they left out the most beloved line of all,

I'm not very computer illiterate...

...back in my help desk days, that line was uttered at least 500 times a day, made all the more maddening in that they seemed unaware they were stating the opposite of what they meant, but they all said it like that.


Yeah, the "I'm not a computer person" line always sets me off. The computer is a tool that you use for your job. Can you imagine a carpenter saying "I'm not a hammer person" as he's building your house?
 
2012-09-13 03:55:03 PM  

Gone In 26 Minutes: I highlighted the relevant part of your post that should've answered your own question. We're obligated to help you, but we'll be a lot nicer and quicker (that is, we might actually get up an go to your desk and do something quickly for you that might take you a bit longer on your own) if you're nicer to us. If you treat me like shiat, you get the bare minimum that's required of me to solve your problem. If it's a ticket system, your ticket may end up 'accidentally' ending up lower priority on my queue.


Well personally I am very nice to IT people, and am friends with the two I work with.
However their defenses go shooting up like a missile whenever there's an issue. I'm always very cordial and professional, and I never blame them for anything. But for some reason they get "IT'S NOT MY FAULT TRY THIS" with everyone.
I guess reading your post annoys the sh*t out of me because I do treat everyone kindly.

Also, if you do the bolded line above instead of actually addressing your issues with people, then you're being passive-aggressive, and just as guilty of the ongoing issue. If you confronted every single person that treated you like shiat in a way that encourages a solution, people would most likely lay off it a bit.
 
2012-09-13 03:55:10 PM  
I used to do Tier 2 for an ISP. Alot of you IT people are overly whiny.
 
2012-09-13 03:55:30 PM  

Gone In 26 Minutes: I meant lie about things like rebooting your PC, checking connections, etc. If you're absolutely confident you've already done those things and we ask you to do it, just say you're doing it so we can cross it off the list. If you're not sure, of course, then it pays to err on the side of caution and just do what's asked. Remember, we're trying to get people back to work ASAP. We're not making people jump through hoops for amusement.


DO NOT TEACH THE USERS TO LIE!!!

All you are doing is teaching them that it is OK to not follow your instructions. Then they will lie about rebooting their computer anytime they believe that a reboot wont fix the problem.

/are you dense? telling users it's OK to lie about the problems they're having?
//I cannot count the number of times I've been told "I already rebooted it" Only to check the system up-time and it's been on for the past month.
 
2012-09-13 03:56:13 PM  
My personal horror story: Djibouti, Africa. Small Marine base in 2005 (when a 50-inch plasma TV was godly).

I was in charge of setting up and running the various video conferences with other bases and classes around the world. For half of these I had to also sign out a classified modem to hook into the system. We had a desktop connected to a modem, along with the TV, surround sound speakers, a remote control that our webcam tracked, the little starfish shaped microphones on the tables. Everything was nice and neat, labels on all the wires and the plugs they went into, and a booklet with pictures and a wiring diagram in case we ever needed to change anything.

I come in one Tuesday 30 minutes prior to the weekly classified meeting and to my shock and horror everything was completely farked. All the wires had been moved, unplugged, switched around, everything. It seems that someone had come in the day before with the brilliant plan of hooking up his PS2 and playing Madden while watching Monday Night Football on the picture-in-picture. Wire were missing, the remote was hidden in the cushions of a couch, the telephone was gone, and I even found a used condom in the trashcan. Thankfully the colonel had known about it beforehand and wasn't suprised when he came in and I was rewiring everything.

It's not often that a captain ends up apologizing to a corporal for screwing something up.
After that I put everything I could in a plywood box, nailed it shut, and ran a chain and a padlock around the whole mess.
 
2012-09-13 03:56:55 PM  

theflatline: I had a customer in the 1990s bring a computer into me and was quite upset about the smell coming from it.

I opened it up and identified a puddle of vomit laced with Boones Farm Strawberry hill.

Jackasses kid had the case off the computer, was drunk playing Doom, and got motion sickness, barfed in it, and closed the sucker back up.

The computer still worked and I refused to clean it and told him to take his business elsehwere.


had a person bring me a compaq pc, old style hermetically sealed case. the farking thing sloshed when he sat it down. "it doesn't work" he says.

pull the side off, and about 3 pints of piss rolled out.

his great dane had pissed in the power supply. awesome.
 
2012-09-13 03:57:49 PM  

flaminio: kid_icarus: I can't believe they left out the most beloved line of all,

I'm not very computer illiterate...

...back in my help desk days, that line was uttered at least 500 times a day, made all the more maddening in that they seemed unaware they were stating the opposite of what they meant, but they all said it like that.

Yeah, the "I'm not a computer person" line always sets me off. The computer is a tool that you use for your job. Can you imagine a carpenter saying "I'm not a hammer person" as he's building your house?


good lord. i say exactly that every day.
 
2012-09-13 03:58:17 PM  

sure haven't: Gone In 26 Minutes: It's a give/take process - if you want expedient help then be nice to us and don't treat us like magical fix-it fairies.

That right there is the "scary truth" behind IT attitude.
It's. Your. Job.

There is no requirement, aside from the basic human requirement to treat others as you would like to be treated, to do your job. No one needs to be nice to anyone. Just farking take care of it.

We want expediant help because that's what you're being paid for. Does your contract say "we'll pay you $$, and niceys to fix our computers"?


Because treating your co-workers like human beings is to much off a bother? Any manager worth his/her salt will quickly stop people from screaming at IT because annoying (often under appreciated) people with access to the self destruct button of the organisation is common sense. It will also reduce stress related turn over, sick days and loss of productivity. Just think of it as a drive through at the McDonalds. You can scream if it takes a minute because you ordered a burger with extra/less of ingredient X, but don't be surprised if they spit in your coke.

You might not be there to make friends, but common courtesy should be exactly that. Common. As in, don' be a jerk to people you depend on to be able to do your job.
 
2012-09-13 03:59:28 PM  

sure haven't: Gone In 26 Minutes: It's a give/take process - if you want expedient help then be nice to us and don't treat us like magical fix-it fairies.

That right there is the "scary truth" behind IT attitude.
It's. Your. Job.

There is no requirement, aside from the basic human requirement to treat others as you would like to be treated, to do your job. No one needs to be nice to anyone. Just farking take care of it.

We want expediant help because that's what you're being paid for. Does your contract say "we'll pay you $$, and niceys to fix our computers"?


Most of your user-level IT admins are paid poorly, and expected to do far more in the scope of their work than they were hired for. They are genuinely and justifiably disgruntled, much like you would be in a similar situation. No, you aren't required to be nice to a fellow disgruntled employee, but the very nature of disgruntled persons suggests that you probably should.

The really sad part is that many of us have no idea how badly we're being screwed by the company we are working for. I had a blast doing the job I relate in this thread, even though it often involved packing and shipping, furniture assembly, late nights and weekends without pay, on-call without pay, thankless end-users, etc... When I finally left, it was for a position doing less than one tenth the work, and a 50% pay raise.

No, being nice is not a requirement. If you have even an ounce of empathy, though, you'll do your best to help make the troubleshooting process as painless as possible, for both your sake and the sake of your IT personnel.
 
2012-09-13 04:00:00 PM  

leftteffticle: UberDave: leftteffticle: UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve

Truth. Any issue I can actually solve quickly and get the person on their way is a good one, no matter how annoying or trivial.

Not only that - they may be clueless but if you solve their problem they will be happy as a pig in shiat.

Truth.. it amuses me to no end that people think I am some kind of a superwoman, genius, or magician because I can do things for them that are extremely simple (to me) but insurmountable tasks to them. I work for a university so I'm generally dealing with a pool of PhD students and professors (which, I know, I know.. doesn't mean they're actually intelligent, but they're SmartTM) and it's basically the greatest thing when some Important Guy gushes over me for 5 minutes because I rebooted his computer and things worked again or something like that.


Oh my word yes. There is a guy where I work who is convinced I am some kind of computer genius. His evidence? I understand the up arrow.

Not even kidding. The internal IM system only displays one line at a time, so if there are multiple lines worth of information one has to arrow through them (down arrow obviously). For the longest time he wouldn't advance to line 2 until he'd written down line 1 because he thought line 1 would then be lost. He understood the down arrow, but the up arrow was a mystery. I pointed out how the up arrow works and became a genius (at least to him).
 
2012-09-13 04:00:18 PM  
I got out of working help desk when I got a call from a remote user saying that her brand new computer stopped working after a few hours. The root cause was 'but I have a laptop - it has a battery so I thought once I charged it once you never have to charge it again'
 
2012-09-13 04:01:43 PM  
Brought to you by the 1 format internet users most hate to see.
 
2012-09-13 04:02:30 PM  
Worked in customer service for a cell phone company back in the mid 90's. Had customers call in and say they couldn't get a dial tone.

csb!
 
2012-09-13 04:03:17 PM  

fluffy2097: Gone In 26 Minutes: I meant lie about things like rebooting your PC, checking connections, etc. If you're absolutely confident you've already done those things and we ask you to do it, just say you're doing it so we can cross it off the list. If you're not sure, of course, then it pays to err on the side of caution and just do what's asked. Remember, we're trying to get people back to work ASAP. We're not making people jump through hoops for amusement.

DO NOT TEACH THE USERS TO LIE!!!

All you are doing is teaching them that it is OK to not follow your instructions. Then they will lie about rebooting their computer anytime they believe that a reboot wont fix the problem.

/are you dense? telling users it's OK to lie about the problems they're having?
//I cannot count the number of times I've been told "I already rebooted it" Only to check the system up-time and it's been on for the past month.


Look, I know reading is hard and all, but try.

IF.
YOU.
HAVE.
ALREADY.
DONE.
THING.
ASKED.
OF.
YOU.
REPEATEDLY.
THEN.
JUST.
HUMOR.
US.
OR.
LIE.
WHEN.
WE.
ASK.
YOU.
TO.
DO.
IT.
AGAIN.

Example: You are having a problem with your router. You have already power cycled it five times. When we ask you to power cycle your router again, just say 'ok.' If you actually want to power cycle it again just to be sure, you can go ahead and do that, but if you've already farking done it five times before you called me, I won't begrudge you if you say you did, but don't since, well, you already did before you called.

In your example, I'm saying it's okay to lie if the user had already rebooted before the call. If I'm able to verify uptime, though, I'd skip that step entirely anyway.
 
2012-09-13 04:04:17 PM  

frepnog: theflatline: I had a customer in the 1990s bring a computer into me and was quite upset about the smell coming from it.

I opened it up and identified a puddle of vomit laced with Boones Farm Strawberry hill.

Jackasses kid had the case off the computer, was drunk playing Doom, and got motion sickness, barfed in it, and closed the sucker back up.

The computer still worked and I refused to clean it and told him to take his business elsehwere.

had a person bring me a compaq pc, old style hermetically sealed case. the farking thing sloshed when he sat it down. "it doesn't work" he says.

pull the side off, and about 3 pints of piss rolled out.

his great dane had pissed in the power supply. awesome.


Heh. Had that happen too. Guy brings in his brand new, just issued, top of the line Dell laptop in a trash bag because his dog had pissed on it when while he was out of the room. I guess Dobermans can get jealous if you aren't paying attention to them all the time.
 
2012-09-13 04:05:15 PM  

metalunna: "....Please do the needful."


How am I to be of your most helpful assistance?
 
2012-09-13 04:06:08 PM  

Gone In 26 Minutes: fluffy2097: Gone In 26 Minutes: I meant lie about things like rebooting your PC, checking connections, etc. If you're absolutely confident you've already done those things and we ask you to do it, just say you're doing it so we can cross it off the list. If you're not sure, of course, then it pays to err on the side of caution and just do what's asked. Remember, we're trying to get people back to work ASAP. We're not making people jump through hoops for amusement.

DO NOT TEACH THE USERS TO LIE!!!

All you are doing is teaching them that it is OK to not follow your instructions. Then they will lie about rebooting their computer anytime they believe that a reboot wont fix the problem.

/are you dense? telling users it's OK to lie about the problems they're having?
//I cannot count the number of times I've been told "I already rebooted it" Only to check the system up-time and it's been on for the past month.

Look, I know reading is hard and all, but try.

IF.
YOU.
HAVE.
ALREADY.
DONE.
THING.
ASKED.
OF.
YOU.
REPEATEDLY.
THEN.
JUST.
HUMOR.
US.
OR.
LIE.
WHEN.
WE.
ASK.
YOU.
TO.
DO.
IT.
AGAIN.

Example: You are having a problem with your router. You have already power cycled it five times. When we ask you to power cycle your router again, just say 'ok.' If you actually want to power cycle it again just to be sure, you can go ahead and do that, but if you've already farking done it five times before you called me, I won't begrudge you if you say you did, but don't since, well, you already did before you called.

In your example, I'm saying it's okay to lie if the user had already rebooted before the call. If I'm able to verify uptime, though, I'd skip that step entirely anyway.


I lie all the time when I call my ISP, I used to work for them, I know how to do all the user side fixes, I wouldn't call unless I needed to know if the DNS servers were down, there was a local outage, or my modem can't obtain sync.
 
2012-09-13 04:07:22 PM  

Gone In 26 Minutes: I do not understand human behavior


You have fun with users lying to you about everything because you have given them explicit permission lie to your face about the troubleshooting process they have done.

/no wonder you can't get no respect.
 
2012-09-13 04:08:21 PM  
13. Absolutely anything

I'm convinced the IT here spends all their time browsing fark since getting them on the phone takes hours and it is easier to just bypass their protections and install whatever I need myself.
 
2012-09-13 04:08:49 PM  
Me: "Hi, IT? My VoIP phone's not working properly. I can hear other people, but they say they can barely hear me, and that there's crackling and static. I think the handset cable is broken."

IT: "I'll replace the Ethernet cable and unplug and replug the power supply. That fixes everything."

/facepalm
 
2012-09-13 04:09:25 PM  
I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to the IT guys at my company.

I'm a relatively competent computer user, used to do IT myself, although not for years, and never on large scales.

But until recently I was a corporate trainer, and I was the one who would call in with 25 password resets 4 or 5 times a day. Because my new hires were apparently scraped off of the bottom of the gene pool, and can't seem to remember the password that they personally set not 2 minutes ago.

Now I'm sure you weren't in charge of the policy, and while the password rules are exacting to satisfy, how freaking hard is it to come up with a password that has a capital letter, is 8 characters long, and contains at least one number and one symbol.

"Pick a six letter word, and add a number and symbol."

"It's not taking my password."

"What did you put in?"

"Mystupidkidsnameistoolongtouseasapassword123"

To a person fresh out of filling out HR paperwork, it's like you've asked them to talk a chimpanzee through landing a 747 over the radio.

So I apologize, IT guys. I apologize on behalf of the class of new hires who should probably have been hired to work in a car wash instead of a call center. Believe me when I try to prevent as much drama as I can, but no matter how many times you tell them:

'Don't try the password again if you get an error twice, that will just lock your password and you'll have to call to have it reset. Use the Forgot Password link. No.. don't click OK, that will... OK. you're locked now. OK, who locked themselves out?" (25 hands go up, and one more in a facepalm gesture.)
 
2012-09-13 04:10:41 PM  

wmoonfox: Stig2112: I've seen most of those over the years. They left off the one that really irritates me: The "we just hired a bunch of new people and they started today. We need you to get them set up with user accounts and email addresses right away." calls. Mind you the decision to hire these people was made weeks ago and no one thought to ask IT to set up the accounts ahead of time. Thankfully our complaints to HR took care of most of these calls eventually.

Oh gods, I had forgotten about that. Finding equipment for them was also a nightmare. We had multiple contracts working out of the same facility, so each contract had its own equipment allowance. No single contract wanted to keep more than one or two spare machines to cover new hires, contracts refused to share or transfer unused equipment, and requisitions could take upwards of four weeks.

So, depending on the availability of computing equipment, RSA tokens, furniture (oh yes, you're good with a screwdriver... go put that desk together), network drops/capacity, etc... users brought in without prior notice to IT could sometimes end up sitting on their hands for a month or more. And, of course, it was always my fault.


that's me right now. Working a help desk supporting a client, the client's infosec needs to add me to 4 AD groups so I can start doing my job. I started on jun 18th, still sitting with my thumb in my ass. whatever getting paid.
 
2012-09-13 04:11:19 PM  

Dimensio: Observing the disdain that many technical support staff have evidently developed for their end-users makes me grateful for my employment servicing individuals who are consistently friendly.

I suspect, though I cannot confirm, that my ruthless policies toward system security may be responsible for my reduced workload.


They probably still hate you. They're just good at acting nice.
 
2012-09-13 04:11:20 PM  

Carth: 13. Absolutely anything

I'm convinced the IT here spends all their time browsing fark since getting them on the phone takes hours and it is easier to just bypass their protections and install whatever I need myself.


This is probably why it takes hours to get the help desk on the phone. They are taking care of other jack wagons like you that installed unapproved software on their systems and now are having all types of conflicts and issues.
 
2012-09-13 04:11:34 PM  

sure haven't: Gone In 26 Minutes: I highlighted the relevant part of your post that should've answered your own question. We're obligated to help you, but we'll be a lot nicer and quicker (that is, we might actually get up an go to your desk and do something quickly for you that might take you a bit longer on your own) if you're nicer to us. If you treat me like shiat, you get the bare minimum that's required of me to solve your problem. If it's a ticket system, your ticket may end up 'accidentally' ending up lower priority on my queue.

Well personally I am very nice to IT people, and am friends with the two I work with.
However their defenses go shooting up like a missile whenever there's an issue. I'm always very cordial and professional, and I never blame them for anything. But for some reason they get "IT'S NOT MY FAULT TRY THIS" with everyone.
I guess reading your post annoys the sh*t out of me because I do treat everyone kindly.

Also, if you do the bolded line above instead of actually addressing your issues with people, then you're being passive-aggressive, and just as guilty of the ongoing issue. If you confronted every single person that treated you like shiat in a way that encourages a solution, people would most likely lay off it a bit.


I don't do that sort of shiat on the first offense. I only do that if you're consistently very rude and unpleasant to me. I understand people are frustrated when things happen especially if they're having a bad day already and I empathize. I wish some people wouldn't take it out on me, but I've found most people that are normally nice do come back and apologize for it. That's all fine. It's when you're consistently an asshole that I start being an asshole back out of spite. I don't have to be nice to you either, remember. I just have to fix your problem and if there are more 'important' things for me to do that are already on paper, welp, guess who's going to have to wait.

The IT defense you're describing is generally due in part by the above-mentioned assholes that treat us like constant shiat. Some know well enough to be able to mentally separate the good guys from the dicks in their head, but well, we have bad days too. Sometimes you just have day after day of things constantly going wrong and you can't seem to do anything right.

As far as I personally go, as long as you're cordial and polite to me, you'll get the most I can give to you at that moment. If you're nice to me, I'll even help you with things that aren't work-related without a fuss. If you're a dick, you get the bare minimum.
 
2012-09-13 04:13:05 PM  

flaminio:

Yeah, the "I'm not a computer person" line always sets me off. The computer is a tool that you use for your job. Can you imagine a carpenter saying "I'm not a hammer person" as he's building your house?


I'm not in IT, but as a member of our library's Core Technology Competency committee, I look forward to using that line at our first meeting tomorrow.
 
2012-09-13 04:13:13 PM  
I think the "biatching" generalization comes from the fact that IT people document their processes more so than other departments. This lends to frustration when people refuse to read documentation IT has provided for them.

Personally, I have no problem with users contacting me with, "I can't do this," "So far i've tried this," or, "When i attempted to read the documentation, i didn't know what this meant." It's the ones who don't give a crap that you spent hours of taking screenshots and documenting common problems....and you need to remind them time and time again...that we seem to biatch about.

It works both ways. I don't go to finance and say, "Hey look, I'm not good at finance...so can one of you fill out this 10 page capital request form so i can order $100k of computers." The first time i filled out a capital request form, it took me two hours to read the documentation and 2 hours to attempt to fill it out. At that point i went to finance and said, "Hey, I think this NPV is off. Do you mind helping me understand where i went wrong?" They were happy to help because they could tell i read the instructions and noted i used the wrong schedule on one of the sheets.

I don't barge in and say, "You're finance people, it's your job!"....like some folks here seem to treat IT.
 
2012-09-13 04:14:24 PM  

red5ish: In fact IT help desk workers may be the most whiny biatchy group of people on the internet outside of the politics tab on Fark.


Where do you think those politics tab commenters come from?
 
2012-09-13 04:15:27 PM  

Girion47: Gone In 26 Minutes: fluffy2097: Gone In 26 Minutes: I meant lie about things like rebooting your PC, checking connections, etc. If you're absolutely confident you've already done those things and we ask you to do it, just say you're doing it so we can cross it off the list. If you're not sure, of course, then it pays to err on the side of caution and just do what's asked. Remember, we're trying to get people back to work ASAP. We're not making people jump through hoops for amusement.

DO NOT TEACH THE USERS TO LIE!!!

All you are doing is teaching them that it is OK to not follow your instructions. Then they will lie about rebooting their computer anytime they believe that a reboot wont fix the problem.

/are you dense? telling users it's OK to lie about the problems they're having?
//I cannot count the number of times I've been told "I already rebooted it" Only to check the system up-time and it's been on for the past month.

Look, I know reading is hard and all, but try.

IF.
YOU.
HAVE.
ALREADY.
DONE.
THING.
ASKED.
OF.
YOU.
REPEATEDLY.
THEN.
JUST.
HUMOR.
US.
OR.
LIE.
WHEN.
WE.
ASK.
YOU.
TO.
DO.
IT.
AGAIN.

Example: You are having a problem with your router. You have already power cycled it five times. When we ask you to power cycle your router again, just say 'ok.' If you actually want to power cycle it again just to be sure, you can go ahead and do that, but if you've already farking done it five times before you called me, I won't begrudge you if you say you did, but don't since, well, you already did before you called.

In your example, I'm saying it's okay to lie if the user had already rebooted before the call. If I'm able to verify uptime, though, I'd skip that step entirely anyway.

I lie all the time when I call my ISP, I used to work for them, I know how to do all the user side fixes, I wouldn't call unless I needed to know if the DNS servers were down, there was a local outage, or my modem can't obtain sync.


This is EXACTLY the type of situation I'm talking about. Personally, I try to get a feel for the person's technical expertise as far as giving them the benefit of the doubt goes. If they sound like they know what they're talking about, I'll generally believe them when they say 'I tried that already.' If it just sounds like they're trying to blame me and haven't actually done anything or know what they're talking about, through the hoops they go.
 
2012-09-13 04:16:43 PM  

UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve -

"Yeah, your secure FTP site is dumping me every 30 minutes right in the middle of downloading a large database dump, what's the deal?"

If you are connecting via VPN, could be your ISP. Could be your PC.


...or...

"Hi, your profiles are set up to prevent programs from creating local files on the local drive and is instead putting them in the virtual store. Could you release that for admin users?"


First, you don't want normal users to have local admin rights.
Second, if you do, and they start saving everything to their PC, and it goes tits up, their is no backup unless they do it themselves. Of course, it will be IT's fault for not backing up their local drive nightly.



...or...

"Hey, there's several hundred people who are locked out of the work area and having to record their entry/exit data on paper because the access stations have slowed to a crawl. What's going on?"


Not a T1 support issue. That is network. And if that many users are having issues, the admins and engineers probably already know.
 
2012-09-13 04:18:18 PM  
FTFA: 3. "Isn't it time for my computer to be upgraded?"

That's an easy question. The answer is yes. After an hour you bought that computer.

I r so funny
 
2012-09-13 04:18:33 PM  
this article just described every damn day at work.

The comments described Sept 1st 2012 to current. Specifically "The data center's on fire".
 
2012-09-13 04:19:01 PM  

fluffy2097: Gone In 26 Minutes: I do not understand human behavior

You have fun with users lying to you about everything because you have given them explicit permission lie to your face about the troubleshooting process they have done.

/no wonder you can't get no respect.


I get plenty of respect, but it's mostly from people who actually know how to read. I'm not saying 'it's okay to lie and not do it.' I'm saying 'it's okay to lie if we ask you to do it and you already did it.' To most REASONABLE people, it wouldn't be considered a lie, but in the context of a call, it would be. You weren't rebooting the computer while actually on the phone with me when I asked you to, but you rebooted it three times a minute or so before I called.

Do you get it now? I can't explain it any better than this.
 
2012-09-13 04:21:26 PM  

Freschel: FTFA: 3. "Isn't it time for my computer to be upgraded?"

That's an easy question. The answer is yes. After an hour you bought that computer.

I r so funny


Put down the bong.
Get some sleep.
Drink coffee.
 
2012-09-13 04:21:42 PM  

Gone In 26 Minutes: I lie all the time when I call my ISP, I used to work for them, I know how to do all the user side fixes, I wouldn't call unless I needed to know if the DNS servers were down, there was a local outage, or my modem can't obtain sync.

This is EXACTLY the type of situation I'm talking about. Personally, I try to get a feel for the person's technical expertise as far as giving them the benefit of the doubt goes. If they sound like they know what they're talking about, I'll generally believe them when they say 'I tried that already.' If it just sounds like they're trying to blame me and haven't actually done anything or know what they're talking about, through the hoops they go.



I have a great ISP story I called mine because a landscaper cut through my phone line, so I called AT&T to fix it, the guy at the help desk kept saying "Let's reset your equipment and let me ping your modem." I said "Fine no problem but I can tell you there is a guy in my backyard holding 2 ends of a black cable who did not call before he started digging for a french drain."
 
2012-09-13 04:23:08 PM  
My last day as Helpdesk Manager at my institution is tomorrow, so I'm getting a total kick....

/But I will miss my student workers
//and the faculty is pretty good here too
///You want it? EIP for details.
 
2012-09-13 04:23:50 PM  
They missed my favorite.

"Uhm, hi. I think my home computer has a virus and do you think maybe you could..."
 
2012-09-13 04:24:57 PM  
Dealing with DNSBL's- can't get it? My problem. Can't send it? Still my problem.

Explaining to a guy why his virtual domain email that gets converted and forwarded to his home address JUST MIGHT get flagged and dropped, let alone how even though I 'whitelisted' your address, sorry your crappy shared hosting server rolls the dice on if email really makes it somewhere
 
2012-09-13 04:24:58 PM  

Gone In 26 Minutes:
Do you get it now? I can't explain it any better than this.


You will understand my wisdom after you spend 2 hours overtime trying to troubleshoot an issue that would be fixed with a reboot, but you decided to trust in a user's tech support skills.

/If they knew what they were doing, they wouldn't be calling you.
 
2012-09-13 04:27:15 PM  

China White Tea: They missed my favorite.

"Uhm, hi. I think my home computer has a virus and do you think maybe you could..."


That's where you say 'sure' and get some extra money.

I don't get the aversion to people accepting side work. It's extra, often very easy money and the other person thinks you're doing them a favor (and often are since I tend to give co-workers and friends of friends a break.) It's win/win.
 
2012-09-13 04:28:23 PM  

Gone In 26 Minutes: This is EXACTLY the type of situation I'm talking about. Personally, I try to get a feel for the person's technical expertise as far as giving them the benefit of the doubt goes. If they sound like they know what they're talking about, I'll generally believe them when they say 'I tried that already.' If it just sounds like they're trying to blame me and haven't actually done anything or know what they're talking about, through the hoops they go.


AT&T doesn't have your same outlook. My wife switched us over to AT&T and I noticed after a few days of being on their DSL that I could no longer get email from my webserver. I called AT&T and asked if they had any particular ports blocked that would prevent me from accessing a mail server from outlook.

Sir, did you restart your computer?

Yes, that didn't have any effect. The last time I received an email was before we had AT&T DSL turned on. Are you blocking port 21?

Sir, you have to sign in to AT&T to receive your mail.

I don't have an AT&T email address. I have a personal email on a webserver you don't control. Do you have port 21 blocked, because if you do, I cannot receive emails on that port.

Sir, I'm telling you that you have to sign in to AT&T to receive your email.

And I'm telling you that my email address doesn't belong to AT&T. I've had the same email address for the past umtee-nine years, and I've had AT&T for three days. I can log on to my webserver and see I have mail in the queue, but it will not connect to Outlook. Do you have port 21 blocked?

Sir, you have to go to the AT&T homepage, put in your AT&T account, and then you will get your email from [accountname]@att.com.

Apparently you are retarded. I've been asking you a very pointed question and you are refusing to answer. So I've just now did a port scan, and yes, your router is set to block port 21. I'm going to switch my incoming email port to the alternative port number that you do not have blocked, and my issue is resolved. Thanks for nothing.
 
2012-09-13 04:28:34 PM  

China White Tea: They missed my favorite.

"Uhm, hi. I think my home computer has a virus and do you think maybe you could..."


Oddly enough, I DO that for my employees. Only because sometimes I have nothing better to do, and some of them are doctors. Doctors that make our surgical center money.
 
2012-09-13 04:29:26 PM  

fluffy2097: Gone In 26 Minutes:
Do you get it now? I can't explain it any better than this.

You will understand my wisdom after you spend 2 hours overtime trying to troubleshoot an issue that would be fixed with a reboot, but you decided to trust in a user's tech support skills.

/If they knew what they were doing, they wouldn't be calling you.


I've been doing this for about 10 years. Some people just need you to confirm things or push a button. After a while, you learn who knows what they're talking about by their tone and their word usage. Sometimes they DO know what they're doing, but they just can't do it because they are physically incapable of doing so without admin rights or because it's just out of their hands (ISP issues especially.)
 
2012-09-13 04:33:07 PM  

Celerian: Gone In 26 Minutes: This is EXACTLY the type of situation I'm talking about. Personally, I try to get a feel for the person's technical expertise as far as giving them the benefit of the doubt goes. If they sound like they know what they're talking about, I'll generally believe them when they say 'I tried that already.' If it just sounds like they're trying to blame me and haven't actually done anything or know what they're talking about, through the hoops they go.

AT&T doesn't have your same outlook. My wife switched us over to AT&T and I noticed after a few days of being on their DSL that I could no longer get email from my webserver. I called AT&T and asked if they had any particular ports blocked that would prevent me from accessing a mail server from outlook.

Sir, did you restart your computer?

Yes, that didn't have any effect. The last time I received an email was before we had AT&T DSL turned on. Are you blocking port 21?

Sir, you have to sign in to AT&T to receive your mail.

I don't have an AT&T email address. I have a personal email on a webserver you don't control. Do you have port 21 blocked, because if you do, I cannot receive emails on that port.

Sir, I'm telling you that you have to sign in to AT&T to receive your email.

And I'm telling you that my email address doesn't belong to AT&T. I've had the same email address for the past umtee-nine years, and I've had AT&T for three days. I can log on to my webserver and see I have mail in the queue, but it will not connect to Outlook. Do you have port 21 blocked?

Sir, you have to go to the AT&T homepage, put in your AT&T account, and then you will get your email from [accountname]@att.com.

Apparently you are retarded. I've been asking you a very pointed question and you are refusing to answer. So I've just now did a port scan, and yes, your router is set to block port 21. I'm going to switch my incoming email port to the alternative port number that you do not have blocked, and my issue is resolved. ...


That's what you get from people who ONLY follow the script rather than use it as a general troubleshooting flowchart.

In your case, it's a bit different, though, because my first question would be:

Why are you hosting a POP3/IMAP server on the FTP port?
 
2012-09-13 04:33:26 PM  

LoneCoon: and some of them are doctors. Doctors that make our surgical center money.


And it never hurts to have a doctor owe you favor when you child gets sick at 2 a.m. on a holiday weekend and your choices are wait 5 hours at the ER or call in a favor.
 
2012-09-13 04:33:29 PM  
You guys all forgot "My Microsoft doesn't work."

I get that one a coupla times a month and it always means something different....
 
2012-09-13 04:34:38 PM  

Celerian: Gone In 26 Minutes: This is EXACTLY the type of situation I'm talking about. Personally, I try to get a feel for the person's technical expertise as far as giving them the benefit of the doubt goes. If they sound like they know what they're talking about, I'll generally believe them when they say 'I tried that already.' If it just sounds like they're trying to blame me and haven't actually done anything or know what they're talking about, through the hoops they go.

AT&T doesn't have your same outlook. My wife switched us over to AT&T and I noticed after a few days of being on their DSL that I could no longer get email from my webserver. I called AT&T and asked if they had any particular ports blocked that would prevent me from accessing a mail server from outlook.

Sir, did you restart your computer?

Yes, that didn't have any effect. The last time I received an email was before we had AT&T DSL turned on. Are you blocking port 21?

Sir, you have to sign in to AT&T to receive your mail.


"Ah. You're following a script. Let's short-circuit this: please escalate the call to an actual tech or let me speak to your supervisor."

If they're asking you stupid questions, then you don't need to continue wasting time at that level.
 
2012-09-13 04:35:07 PM  

Gone In 26 Minutes: Girion47: Gone In 26 Minutes: fluffy2097: Gone In 26 Minutes: I meant lie about things like rebooting your PC, checking connections, etc. If you're absolutely confident you've already done those things and we ask you to do it, just say you're doing it so we can cross it off the list. If you're not sure, of course, then it pays to err on the side of caution and just do what's asked. Remember, we're trying to get people back to work ASAP. We're not making people jump through hoops for amusement.


This is EXACTLY the type of situation I'm talking about. Personally, I try to get a feel for the person's technical expertise as far as giving them the benefit of the doubt goes. If they sound like they know what they're talking about, I'll generally believe them when they say 'I tried that already.' If it just sounds like they're trying to blame me and haven't actually done anything or know what they're talking about, through the hoops they go.


I once had a guy at Verizon FIOS try and tell me my modem was bad because I couldn't reach websites via their URLs, only by their IP addresses. He wanted me to wait a week until the new one arrived and was going to remove my modem from the account in the meantime. I hung up, called back, and had a guy check with the NOC, and he confirmed the issue, not only that, it was the first the NOC knew of it.
 
2012-09-13 04:36:03 PM  

Gone In 26 Minutes: China White Tea: They missed my favorite.

"Uhm, hi. I think my home computer has a virus and do you think maybe you could..."

That's where you say 'sure' and get some extra money.

I don't get the aversion to people accepting side work. It's extra, often very easy money and the other person thinks you're doing them a favor (and often are since I tend to give co-workers and friends of friends a break.) It's win/win.


The reason they're asking me instead of just taking it to the Geek Squad is because they fall somewhere on the spectrum of "Don't want to pay at all" and "Want to pay less than is typically charged".
 
2012-09-13 04:36:13 PM  

Gone In 26 Minutes: That's what you get from people who ONLY follow the script rather than use it as a general troubleshooting flowchart.

In your case, it's a bit different, though, because my first question would be:

Why are you hosting a POP3/IMAP server on the FTP port?


My fault. It was port 20-something and I didn't feel like looking it up. I'm a programmer / DBA and I know enough to usually figure something out. A few minutes into the phone call with tech support I had a suspicion of what was the cause, and that's why I started asking about the particular port. I don't have a need to remember port mappings off the top of my head like a regular IT or network guy might. Its probably port 25 or something?
 
2012-09-13 04:42:16 PM  

Celerian: Gone In 26 Minutes: That's what you get from people who ONLY follow the script rather than use it as a general troubleshooting flowchart.

In your case, it's a bit different, though, because my first question would be:

Why are you hosting a POP3/IMAP server on the FTP port?

My fault. It was port 20-something and I didn't feel like looking it up. I'm a programmer / DBA and I know enough to usually figure something out. A few minutes into the phone call with tech support I had a suspicion of what was the cause, and that's why I started asking about the particular port. I don't have a need to remember port mappings off the top of my head like a regular IT or network guy might. Its probably port 25 or something?


Yeah, 25 is SMTP. That sounds a bit more like it, but some people really do have weird set ups where they'll set servers to listen on different ports. Oftentimes if it's a service that is often the target of exploits or if it's a service the ISP doesn't want you to have (for example, most ISPs will block ports 21 [FTP] and 80 [HTTP,]) they'll block it by default. It takes a lot to get them to unblock it and they'll almost always require you to go up a tier in service. It's a pointless exercise these days, though, since most any decent hacker doesn't bother with port scans anymore. They just go right for vulnerabilities in software.
 
2012-09-13 04:43:49 PM  

Celerian: Gone In 26 Minutes: That's what you get from people who ONLY follow the script rather than use it as a general troubleshooting flowchart.

In your case, it's a bit different, though, because my first question would be:

Why are you hosting a POP3/IMAP server on the FTP port?

My fault. It was port 20-something and I didn't feel like looking it up. I'm a programmer / DBA and I know enough to usually figure something out. A few minutes into the phone call with tech support I had a suspicion of what was the cause, and that's why I started asking about the particular port. I don't have a need to remember port mappings off the top of my head like a regular IT or network guy might. Its probably port 25 or something?


Port 25? As in the spam drive-through window(TM)?
 
2012-09-13 04:45:01 PM  

China White Tea: Gone In 26 Minutes: China White Tea: They missed my favorite.

"Uhm, hi. I think my home computer has a virus and do you think maybe you could..."

That's where you say 'sure' and get some extra money.

I don't get the aversion to people accepting side work. It's extra, often very easy money and the other person thinks you're doing them a favor (and often are since I tend to give co-workers and friends of friends a break.) It's win/win.

The reason they're asking me instead of just taking it to the Geek Squad is because they fall somewhere on the spectrum of "Don't want to pay at all" and "Want to pay less than is typically charged".


The former is fine in cases of people I like or can pull a favor from in the future. Otherwise I make it a point to tell them I charge for side stuff. The latter is also fine because it's an extra $50-60 for me for maybe an hour's worth of work if that. Some problems are more involved, of course, and I charge more to compensate in those situations, but it's a good way to make friends in the workplace, get a good reputation and get more side work. Building relationships is a good thing - you never know when you'll need a favor.
 
2012-09-13 04:48:22 PM  

Pixiest: You guys all forgot "My Microsoft doesn't work."

I get that one a coupla times a month and it always means something different....


I like it when I get a call that starts with "I think I accidentally deleted a file. I can't find it anymore" Then I ask where the file is normally located, and they answer with "In Word.".

It's not hard to figure it out once it starts this way, but asking them to browse a folder structure is sometimes difficult. Usually the problem is that they were working on a file in a different folder, so when they click Open, it shows the last place they were working in...

So I have them open Word, and then find the recent documents list. It usually has what they are looking for and they think I'm a genius.
 
2012-09-13 04:51:02 PM  
"My iPad can't connect to the network."
 
2012-09-13 04:52:43 PM  
... they also left this sort of thing off.. something I see at least twice a month...

User: "Hi, my computer is broken. I can't do anything.."

Me: "What exactly do you mean? It won't boot? It won't power on? or...?"

User: "It won't work."

... What the user is actually talking about:

benchmarkreviews.com

How many times do I have to tell them, that's a monitor.

...

oh yeah, and THIS is a COMPUTER, __NOT__ a "hard drive"

cybertoothtech.com

Pet peeve, yes... but it gets old after a while, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.
 
2012-09-13 04:53:50 PM  
These are lame. The only one that's really an issue here is the "It's not working" trouble ticket. Nothing more in the the ticket, no idea if the computer isn't working, the monitor, the secondary monitor, the keyboard, the mouse, the internet, Citrix, any of the other myriad apps we support, just It's Not Working. Period.
 
2012-09-13 04:54:51 PM  

meanmutton: Or, just say "Hold the Windows key (it is on the bottom left of your keyboard between control and alt) and then press the m key. What's it say for computer name in the lower right corner of the screen?"


I would LOVE to say that's the case, but we had a RAID drive fail in our HP server at work, and our IT support company managed to not get a replacement to us , but only told us that they couldn't get it to us after 6 weeks, and after i asked them where the hell it had got to.

Basically the problem we had is that whenever the server rebooted overnight, due to an update, or just a general crash due to the raid being out, it would never boot up properly..and because the server was the gateway to the internet and the DNS and DHCP server then no one had internet. This displeased the MD (mostly because he lives at work, it's part premises part offices) So I left very basic simple instructions blu tacked to the wall next to the server. Including, push the windows/start key

Lo and behold the server fails...and I get a phone call..which one is the sodding windows key, it's the one that has a windows logo on it...I can't see it, oh don't worry Alex i'll just work from the house.

Next day I GENUINELY had to draw a symbol of the windows key on this piece of paper in pencil.

I work with complete idiots...and it frustrates me, and they wonder why I won't take the offer off a works laptop and prefer to use my own Macbook pro in the corner.
 
2012-09-13 04:57:17 PM  

vernonFL: Forgot password - check

Why is the internet so slow? - check

A classic from The Onion


Password is a piece of cake. I just reset it in AD and tell them the new one. Takes 10 seconds.
 
2012-09-13 04:59:23 PM  

fluffy2097: IT guys do not give a shiat about password resets. They take no time to do.

"whats your username?" *clicky clicky* "ok, your password is now password, and you will have to change it to something else as soon as you login." *close ticket*


They do when that password reset will then knowingly break all the devices they get their e-mail on....

/thejoysof365
 
2012-09-13 04:59:33 PM  

Mikey1969: vernonFL: Forgot password - check

Why is the internet so slow? - check

A classic from The Onion

Password is a piece of cake. I just reset it in AD and tell them the new one. Takes 10 seconds.


...and when they call you back every week or two because they forgot it/lost it, what then? Still cool after the 10th time? Or do you get a little impatient?
 
2012-09-13 05:05:30 PM  
Coworker was crawling around under the desk to plug in the power cords. Some sharp objects poked into his forearm. When he came out from the nether zone, there were toenail clippings stuck in his arm.

/gag story, bro
 
2012-09-13 05:07:09 PM  

sure haven't: Gone In 26 Minutes: It's a give/take process - if you want expedient help then be nice to us and don't treat us like magical fix-it fairies.

That right there is the "scary truth" behind IT attitude.
It's. Your. Job.

There is no requirement, aside from the basic human requirement to treat others as you would like to be treated, to do your job. No one needs to be nice to anyone. Just farking take care of it.

We want expediant help because that's what you're being paid for. Does your contract say "we'll pay you $$, and niceys to fix our computers"?


If you're ever put in a position of authority, somebody made the biggest mistake of their lives. You should treat people with respect because it's the right thing to do. All you're trying to do is justify being an asshole, and it makes me feel sorry for the people that have to work with you.
 
2012-09-13 05:09:26 PM  
Still, after all these years, my favorite tech support call. Somewhere around 1990, I get a call from Nairobi, guy I worked with in Houston (hadn't seen in months), on the phone asking me "How do I get the penguin to pick up the cotton balls?"

Leather Goddesses of Phobos (FTW)
 
2012-09-13 05:10:06 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: YixilTesiphon: TsarTom: "I'm legally blind, but I'm a confident and fiercely independent woman. I'm new on this job and I DON'T want anyone thinking they made a bad hire, so don't even ask me to bring in a co-worker. I can't see my screen beyond a slight glow and have literally never worked with computers before. Now then, I'm told that our monthly reports are not uploading correctly, and that is all I know. What do I have to do to fix it?"

The call that lasted FOREVER.

Come on, you can't leave us hanging like that. Did you immediately send an email to her supervisor? What happened?

Yeah, hopefully she got fired for being handicapped. Those people have all the advantages of special parking (Damned government intervention). What business did she have calling a technical support line anyways?


I know everything I say makes you foam at the mouth with rage, but are you suggesting that they should have kept a woman who can't use a computer at this job which requires using a computer?
 
2012-09-13 05:12:27 PM  

SirTanon: Mikey1969: vernonFL: Forgot password - check

Why is the internet so slow? - check

A classic from The Onion

Password is a piece of cake. I just reset it in AD and tell them the new one. Takes 10 seconds.

...and when they call you back every week or two because they forgot it/lost it, what then? Still cool after the 10th time? Or do you get a little impatient?


Maybe it's a system problem if the password is getting in the way of work.
 
2012-09-13 05:16:13 PM  
They for got the "Since you lock us out of EVERYthing, I absolutely need you to come authenticate this software update/install NOW". These are also the people who, when we had no policy in place, would have the most random shiat like toolbars and such that would bring their computer to a screeching halt. I tell them that we had to enact the policy because we had "people" installing spyware laden and/or buggy apps that were actually killing the whole network at times, and they just give me that knwing look like they can't stand assholes like that.
 
2012-09-13 05:16:34 PM  
Not mine, but it apparently happened: "My USB drive won't work"
img.thedailywtf.com
 
2012-09-13 05:16:47 PM  

Unoriginal_Username: UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve -

"Yeah, your secure FTP site is dumping me every 30 minutes right in the middle of downloading a large database dump, what's the deal?"

If you are connecting via VPN, could be your ISP. Could be your PC.



Not really. This is a from an IT office with many computers and many clients and secure sites that we are having no problems with. Add to that, I download dumps from them all the time that are rather large. We eventually got the download only to have a corrupt dump. This isn't the first problem I've had with them - usually it is because they change the rules. The admin on their side is new and now we are having "unusual" problems.



"Hi, your profiles are set up to prevent programs from creating local files on the local drive and is instead putting them in the virtual store. Could you release that for admin users?"

First, you don't want normal users to have local admin rights.
Second, if you do, and they start saving everything to their PC, and it goes tits up, their is no backup unless they do it themselves. Of course, it will be IT's fault for not backing up their local drive nightly.


This is at a secure government site that does black-hats on a constant basis. You don't give users *full* admin rights. What they call people with "admin" rights are actually pretty restricted. One site couldn't run the software because their set up wouldn't allow rights to Program Files (pretty standard), another wouldn't let the program write anywhere. This is an enterprise suite and the vast majority of data is written to an Oracle or SQL Server database. But it needs to update local settings, registry, create the occasional document from a template, etc. I had one client (a big Westinghouse site) not figure out what it was so they just started going through the profile freeing up block of permissions until they hit the one that was needed. Awesome.



"Hey, there's several hundred people who are locked out of the work area and having to record their entry/exit data on paper because the access stations have slowed to a crawl. What's going on?"

Not a T1 support issue. That is network. And if that many users are having issues, the admins and engineers probably already know.



Not in this case. This was a power generating site for a fortune 100 company. I was on the phone with 15 members of their "team", mostly IT staff (those admins and engineers). I started at 10pm (from home). The first thing I told them (at about 10:15) was to take a laptop and "walk" the network. I spent the next two hours answering the random question because they thought it was my software. Then, two hours later, between 2-3 in the morning, they're going to take a break and come back at 6am. One of the guys at the site, who had not been talking much but tried to suggest my test, gets me by myself (called him separately). He asks me what was involved with "walking" the network. Five minutes later, he's off. 6am comes and the problem is solved. Within an hour of starting the "walk", he found a bad hub.

FYI - the "users" are non-computer people but various maintenance workers who walk up to an access kiosk and punch in their information. The relatively complex software codes their hardware and makes a brazillion hits to the database while it checks and verifies all of their information (this is the vast majority of network load for that sector). The hardware it activates is used to open a turnstile. There are 80 stations. Yes, bricks were shat.
 
2012-09-13 05:20:06 PM  

Mikey1969: They for got the "Since you lock us out of EVERYthing, I absolutely need you to come authenticate this software update/install NOW". These are also the people who, when we had no policy in place, would have the most random shiat like toolbars and such that would bring their computer to a screeching halt. I tell them that we had to enact the policy because we had "people" installing spyware laden and/or buggy apps that were actually killing the whole network at times, and they just give me that knwing look like they can't stand assholes like that.


my work computer is so locked down I can't even configure my printer to connect to it wirelessly.
 
2012-09-13 05:20:07 PM  

SirTanon: ...and when they call you back every week or two because they forgot it/lost it, what then? Still cool after the 10th time? Or do you get a little impatient?


I only have a few that are like this, and usually someone has helped them by this time to not forget it. Otherwise, I just tell them to add a number at the end, write down just the number on a post-it, and don't re-use numbers until they get all the way to 9. Works pretty well.
 
2012-09-13 05:20:16 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: Several times a week. And they almost always call their computer Bob. What the fark?


You don't keep track of users and the MAC address of their machine?
 
2012-09-13 05:20:41 PM  
The users I hate most are the ones who have a family member in IT.

"Well, my husband said you need to do this, have you done that?"

or

"My husband was in here yesterday and I was going to have him install a new video card in my computer. My log in wouldn't allow him to install it, so can you make it so my login will allow it?"
 
2012-09-13 05:25:31 PM  

flaminio: kid_icarus: I can't believe they left out the most beloved line of all,

I'm not very computer illiterate...

...back in my help desk days, that line was uttered at least 500 times a day, made all the more maddening in that they seemed unaware they were stating the opposite of what they meant, but they all said it like that.

Yeah, the "I'm not a computer person" line always sets me off. The computer is a tool that you use for your job. Can you imagine a carpenter saying "I'm not a hammer person" as he's building your house?


That's a bullshiat comparison. You're an expert (supposedly) trained in the maintenance and operation of a complex system designed to be used by a user with a minimum level of training.

How many IT guys rely on their 20 year old beater to get them back and forth to work but are clueless when it breaks down? Hell, even airline pilots have a limited amount of troubleshooting they perform on their aircraft if something goes wrong. I guarantee that a maintenance pilot isnt going to belittle and criticize a pilot that can't diagnose a problem with a component he's barely aware exists, let alone isnt qualified to maintain.
 
2012-09-13 05:28:43 PM  

SirTanon: Pet peeve, yes... but it gets old after a while, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.


With me it's hearing "dummy terminal" ... If it's a terminal but not a computer in its own right, feel free to call it a "dumb terminal" But something is only a "dummy" anything if it's a non-functional mockup!
 
2012-09-13 05:28:55 PM  
At my office, we started a Q&A repository for various build problems that users have (software company). It's a (internally) public forum so a user can ask a question and crowdsource the answer. The biggest problem we have now is that users aren't searching the forum before posting their question so we get repeats.

I've found generally that by the time the users are willing to go to the forum, they're so frustrated that they forget or just plain refuse to search. I suspect that sort of frustration is the source of many of these phone calls. Our users are generally competent and they're just trying to get their job done.

/csb
 
2012-09-13 05:30:26 PM  

Nexzus: Not mine, but it apparently happened: "My USB drive won't work"
[img.thedailywtf.com image 448x336]


That pic just blows me away... Especially with the USB ports right next to it. All 6 of them.
 
2012-09-13 05:32:23 PM  

Hiro Nakamura: That's a bullshiat comparison. You're an expert (supposedly) trained in the maintenance and operation of a complex system designed to be used by a user with a minimum level of training.

How many IT guys rely on their 20 year old beater to get them back and forth to work but are clueless when it breaks down?


...except the "I'm not a computer person" utterance is usually used in relation to the computer equivalent of, say, putting gas in your car.
 
2012-09-13 05:33:05 PM  

Girion47: my work computer is so locked down I can't even configure my printer to connect to it wirelessly.


Sometimes that is to idiot proof the thing, we can't vet everyone who comes in the door and make a custom Group Policy for them. Most likely though, it's art of a blanket policy that the Sys Admin set up, and he isn't aware that it's happening. We get the same thing with proxy services, install a pre-configured setup and then realize all of the stuff that is blocked that we have no problem with turning on. It's much easier that way than trying to build from scratch.

Otherwise, just get LogMeIn on your computer and have the IT guys remote in. That software rocks.
 
2012-09-13 05:36:39 PM  

Mikey1969: Girion47: my work computer is so locked down I can't even configure my printer to connect to it wirelessly.

Sometimes that is to idiot proof the thing, we can't vet everyone who comes in the door and make a custom Group Policy for them. Most likely though, it's art of a blanket policy that the Sys Admin set up, and he isn't aware that it's happening. We get the same thing with proxy services, install a pre-configured setup and then realize all of the stuff that is blocked that we have no problem with turning on. It's much easier that way than trying to build from scratch.

Otherwise, just get LogMeIn on your computer and have the IT guys remote in. That software rocks.


I can share my desktop with my whole company if I wanted to, its just a pain in the ass contacting IT when I can do it myself through the wizard that came with the piece of hardware.
 
2012-09-13 05:39:20 PM  

China White Tea: Hiro Nakamura: That's a bullshiat comparison. You're an expert (supposedly) trained in the maintenance and operation of a complex system designed to be used by a user with a minimum level of training.

How many IT guys rely on their 20 year old beater to get them back and forth to work but are clueless when it breaks down?

...except the "I'm not a computer person" utterance is usually used in relation to the computer equivalent of, say, putting gas in your car.


I was thinking the following:

User: "My car isn't working."

Mechanic: "What's the problem?"

User: "It's not working."

Mechanic: "Okay. Exactly what part isn't working?"

User: "The door won't open. I think the handle is broken."

Mechanic: "Okay. Did you try to unlock the car?"

User: "Of course I unlocked the car! I'm not an idiot!"

Mechanic: "Well why don't you try to unlock it again."

User: "I AM NOT AN IDIOT! I PUSHED THE UNLOCK BUTTON SO IT'S UNLOCKED!"

Mechanic: "Have you tried the door key? Your remote might be dead."

User: "Oh. I guess that worked. Sorry, I'm just not a computer car person."
 
2012-09-13 05:42:23 PM  

Hiro Nakamura: flaminio: kid_icarus: I can't believe they left out the most beloved line of all,

I'm not very computer illiterate...

...back in my help desk days, that line was uttered at least 500 times a day, made all the more maddening in that they seemed unaware they were stating the opposite of what they meant, but they all said it like that.

Yeah, the "I'm not a computer person" line always sets me off. The computer is a tool that you use for your job. Can you imagine a carpenter saying "I'm not a hammer person" as he's building your house?

That's a bullshiat comparison. You're an expert (supposedly) trained in the maintenance and operation of a complex system designed to be used by a user with a minimum level of training.

How many IT guys rely on their 20 year old beater to get them back and forth to work but are clueless when it breaks down? Hell, even airline pilots have a limited amount of troubleshooting they perform on their aircraft if something goes wrong. I guarantee that a maintenance pilot isnt going to belittle and criticize a pilot that can't diagnose a problem with a component he's barely aware exists, let alone isnt qualified to maintain.


I don't get mad if a user has a real problem with a system they're not familiar with. But to follow through with the car analogy, it would be like a user calling in and saying their car wouldn't go anywhere, and when I ask them what position they put the gear shift in they ask "What's a gear shift?"

I've had two users, doctors mind you, who called in when they got to the EULA on our site, and didn't want to hit Accept because they thought accepting the End User License Agreement would, and I quote, "End their User account".
 
2012-09-13 05:44:44 PM  

Hiro Nakamura: flaminio: kid_icarus: I can't believe they left out the most beloved line of all,

I'm not very computer illiterate...

...back in my help desk days, that line was uttered at least 500 times a day, made all the more maddening in that they seemed unaware they were stating the opposite of what they meant, but they all said it like that.

Yeah, the "I'm not a computer person" line always sets me off. The computer is a tool that you use for your job. Can you imagine a carpenter saying "I'm not a hammer person" as he's building your house?

That's a bullshiat comparison. You're an expert (supposedly) trained in the maintenance and operation of a complex system designed to be used by a user with a minimum level of training.

How many IT guys rely on their 20 year old beater to get them back and forth to work but are clueless when it breaks down?


I'm not expecting end users to fix their own computers. I'm talking about basic computing functions: printing a document to a different printer than their default, or copying a file from one folder to another. I may not know how to fix a car, but I do know how to drive a car.

When a user comes to me with a genuinely hard problem, I rejoice. That's the kind of stuff that makes my job interesting. The password reset/paper jam people are just annoying daily distractions.
 
2012-09-13 05:47:18 PM  
Oh great, one of these threads again. Wah! I'm being paid to provide a service and some people actually need my help. Wah! I hate being actually useful, I'd rather be a snotty, entitled perpetual adolescent because I know how something works and you don't. Wah!

News flash... Everybody working in the service economy is doing something for clueless clients who probably should know better, yet don't. It's why we keep bringing home paychecks; it's why we're needed in the first place. Get over yourself.
 
2012-09-13 05:48:39 PM  
Right, but people do bring their cars into the dealer for that kind scenario, albeit less frequently. A computer and a car are very similar in that they're these magic complex machines that are beyond the comprehension of mere mortals, according to them. The only thing that makes cars a weak analogy is that even nowadays, it's more socially acceptable to admit you're computer illiterate, because what you're really saying is "I'm not a nerd like you, nerd."
 
2012-09-13 05:53:45 PM  

flaminio: Hiro Nakamura: flaminio: kid_icarus: I can't believe they left out the most beloved line of all,

I'm not very computer illiterate...

...back in my help desk days, that line was uttered at least 500 times a day, made all the more maddening in that they seemed unaware they were stating the opposite of what they meant, but they all said it like that.

Yeah, the "I'm not a computer person" line always sets me off. The computer is a tool that you use for your job. Can you imagine a carpenter saying "I'm not a hammer person" as he's building your house?

That's a bullshiat comparison. You're an expert (supposedly) trained in the maintenance and operation of a complex system designed to be used by a user with a minimum level of training.

How many IT guys rely on their 20 year old beater to get them back and forth to work but are clueless when it breaks down?

I'm not expecting end users to fix their own computers. I'm talking about basic computing functions: printing a document to a different printer than their default, or copying a file from one folder to another. I may not know how to fix a car, but I do know how to drive a car.

When a user comes to me with a genuinely hard problem, I rejoice. That's the kind of stuff that makes my job interesting. The password reset/paper jam people are just annoying daily distractions.


That's the problem though. The vast majority of users don't have networked printers at home, they have ONE printer plugged into ONE computer via USB, all set up with self-installing drivers. And even at work, it's a situation out of the norm to have to print to a printer that your computer isn't mapped to. The only reason I know how to do stuff like that is because I get tired of calling IT for help, because I like knowing how to do stuff myself. But it's nowhere in my job requirement to know how to map my computer to the printer in the next building over because my POS won't print black and white because te cyan cartridge is empty.
 
2012-09-13 06:03:00 PM  

Mikey1969: Nexzus: Not mine, but it apparently happened: "My USB drive won't work"
[img.thedailywtf.com image 448x336]

That pic just blows me away... Especially with the USB ports right next to it. All 6 of them.


That one doesn't bother me that much. Even people who know their stuff don't often even realize those are strictly mechanical adapters. When you normally get an adapter, you expect interoperability with the protocol that matches the physical port; it's reasonable. As for the 6 USB ports... odds are the top one was just easier to reach from wherever.
 
2012-09-13 06:03:53 PM  
The correct button to press to run your weekly backups is NOT 'Restore'

Had someone do that with their 4 week old tape in the drive.
Twice
 
2012-09-13 06:04:26 PM  

ProfessorOhki: Mikey1969: Nexzus: Not mine, but it apparently happened: "My USB drive won't work"
[img.thedailywtf.com image 448x336]

That pic just blows me away... Especially with the USB ports right next to it. All 6 of them.

That one doesn't bother me that much. Even people who know their stuff don't often even realize those are strictly mechanical adapters. When you normally get an adapter, you expect interoperability with the protocol that matches the physical port; it's reasonable. As for the 6 USB ports... odds are the top one was just easier to reach from wherever.


I just realized that's not a thumbdrive, but a wireless keyboard adapter. That makes even more sense: they unplugged their old keyboard and plugged their new one into the same spot. Entirely reasonable.
 
2012-09-13 06:07:49 PM  
The one I hear most is "My kid must have got on it or something", which is code for "I went to goatfarkers.com and got a virus".
 
2012-09-13 06:11:24 PM  
The only one of those that really bothered me towards the end of my last job was the "I need a new computer" bullshiat. They've been doing the same tasks for over a decade. The old P4 can keep up with your word processing and spreadsheets, no problem. Especially since we maxed out your RAM when it got cheap a few years ago. The only reason hardware upgrades were on the calendar for 2012/2013 was the fact that the equipment was approaching EOL. Fans, hard drives, and capacitors only last so long.
 
2012-09-13 06:12:28 PM  
One of my fun ones:

Known asshole user calls up, complaining that his computer is not working. Swear up and down that he did absolutely NOTHING prior this happening. He watches constantly over my shoulder, just glaring. Totally non responsive to my question for all practical purposed. He finally leaves for a meeting. Not long after I figure out that the problem was that on his NT4 workstation, he put Domain Users in the "NO ACESS" group (IIRC). Killed access for, well, all Domain Users.

When confronted with this he tells my boss, that he didn't that changing the rights, in order to keep everyone off "HIS" machine, would have impacted the ability to work on the machine, so why tell us. Farking tool.

So yeah, I'd rather take a clueless nice user than a someone that has setup their own home network and thinks they know all the ends and out of Enterprise IT.

//years later met a guy that grew up with asshole user... turns out he was an asshole kid too.
 
2012-09-13 06:12:39 PM  

UberDave: Unoriginal_Username: UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve -

"Yeah, your secure FTP site is dumping me every 30 minutes right in the middle of downloading a large database dump, what's the deal?"

If you are connecting via VPN, could be your ISP. Could be your PC.


Not really. This is a from an IT office with many computers and many clients and secure sites that we are having no problems with. Add to that, I download dumps from them all the time that are rather large. We eventually got the download only to have a corrupt dump. This isn't the first problem I've had with them - usually it is because they change the rules. The admin on their side is new and now we are having "unusual" problems.



"Hi, your profiles are set up to prevent programs from creating local files on the local drive and is instead putting them in the virtual store. Could you release that for admin users?"

First, you don't want normal users to have local admin rights.
Second, if you do, and they start saving everything to their PC, and it goes tits up, their is no backup unless they do it themselves. Of course, it will be IT's fault for not backing up their local drive nightly.

This is at a secure government site that does black-hats on a constant basis. You don't give users *full* admin rights. What they call people with "admin" rights are actually pretty restricted. One site couldn't run the software because their set up wouldn't allow rights to Program Files (pretty standard), another wouldn't let the program write anywhere. This is an enterprise suite and the vast majority of data is written to an Oracle or SQL Server database. But it needs to update local settings, registry, create the occasional document from a template, etc. I had one client (a big Westinghouse site) not figure out what it was so they just started goin ...


Ah, well I can see why your problems would cause nightmares. But they wouldn't be the most dreaded, as I doubt there are many desk monkeys that would deal with those issues on a daily basis.
I'm lucky, work with an insurance company. My job is holder of the image/ HW replacement and tech support that can't be done over the phone. Or at least those that answer the phones don't think it can be done that way and put the shiat into my bucket
 
2012-09-13 06:13:24 PM  

ProfessorOhki: Even people who know their stuff don't often even realize those are strictly mechanical adapters.


I figured that out in about 2002... Of course, I read about USB when it came out and realized that it was a powered port, which is why some things don't work on non-powered hubs. Still, taking a USB device, and using an adapter, when there are USB ports right next to it is just complicating the matter. I wouldn't give these people a pass anyway, but that's just me. It' why we "lock down" our systems here, too many people who have no idea what they're doing at all.
 
2012-09-13 06:14:14 PM  

Nexzus: Not mine, but it apparently happened: "My USB drive won't work"
[img.thedailywtf.com image 448x336]


Pretty sure that's a wireless adapter for a mouse.

Hence it being in the mouse PS2.
 
2012-09-13 06:21:21 PM  

Honest Bender: Them: "My Email isn't working."
Me: "Ok, have you made any changes lately?"
Them: "Nope."

*20 minutes later*

Them: "Oh, well I did just get a new computer because my old one exploded. But I swear the settings are all the same!"

/Exaggerated but been there.


It was actually said to me over the phone back in the day: "My email quit working so i UNIstalled it." And because 56kbps was king, i had to drive over there with Eurdora lite on a floppy.

/ah, eudora...
 
2012-09-13 06:29:41 PM  

YixilTesiphon: Because People in power are Stupid: YixilTesiphon: TsarTom: "I'm legally blind, but I'm a confident and fiercely independent woman. I'm new on this job and I DON'T want anyone thinking they made a bad hire, so don't even ask me to bring in a co-worker. I can't see my screen beyond a slight glow and have literally never worked with computers before. Now then, I'm told that our monthly reports are not uploading correctly, and that is all I know. What do I have to do to fix it?"

The call that lasted FOREVER.

Come on, you can't leave us hanging like that. Did you immediately send an email to her supervisor? What happened?

Yeah, hopefully she got fired for being handicapped. Those people have all the advantages of special parking (Damned government intervention). What business did she have calling a technical support line anyways?

I know everything I say makes you foam at the mouth with rage, but are you suggesting that they should have kept a woman who can't use a computer at this job which requires using a computer?


When I worked at a hospital in Phoenix, we had a speech pathologist who was blind. Most people who are blind need to learn how to solve things by themselves, so that when there is nobody around to help _ they are not dead in the water.


I do believe that she had to take extensive notes on a computer as part of her job. Her blindness was not the whole of what defined her career.

That being said, the idea that some technical support person from some company should try to get some blind person fired because helping them is inconvenient -is repulsive... Kinda like your worldview.
 
2012-09-13 06:32:15 PM  

Mikey1969: SirTanon: ...and when they call you back every week or two because they forgot it/lost it, what then? Still cool after the 10th time? Or do you get a little impatient?

I only have a few that are like this, and usually someone has helped them by this time to not forget it. Otherwise, I just tell them to add a number at the end, write down just the number on a post-it, and don't re-use numbers until they get all the way to 9. Works pretty well.


When I was on the desk at my last place, 3 resets a week two weeks in a row, and I talk to their supervisor. Of course, that place was a collection agency, shiatty even by CA standards. Annual turnover was 125%.
 
2012-09-13 06:40:08 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: YixilTesiphon: Because People in power are Stupid: YixilTesiphon: TsarTom: "I'm legally blind, but I'm a confident and fiercely independent woman. I'm new on this job and I DON'T want anyone thinking they made a bad hire, so don't even ask me to bring in a co-worker. I can't see my screen beyond a slight glow and have literally never worked with computers before. Now then, I'm told that our monthly reports are not uploading correctly, and that is all I know. What do I have to do to fix it?"

The call that lasted FOREVER.

Come on, you can't leave us hanging like that. Did you immediately send an email to her supervisor? What happened?

Yeah, hopefully she got fired for being handicapped. Those people have all the advantages of special parking (Damned government intervention). What business did she have calling a technical support line anyways?

I know everything I say makes you foam at the mouth with rage, but are you suggesting that they should have kept a woman who can't use a computer at this job which requires using a computer?

When I worked at a hospital in Phoenix, we had a speech pathologist who was blind. Most people who are blind need to learn how to solve things by themselves, so that when there is nobody around to help _ they are not dead in the water.


I do believe that she had to take extensive notes on a computer as part of her job. Her blindness was not the whole of what defined her career.

That being said, the idea that some technical support person from some company should try to get some blind person fired because helping them is inconvenient -is repulsive... Kinda like your worldview.


No, she should have probably been fired for never having worked with a computer before. If she was hired for a job that was heavy on their use either 1) HR did a crappy job or 2) She lied about her skills. Given how quick she was to try to hide things from her manager and co-worker, I'd lean towards 2. Not to say that one shouldn't have tried to assist with accessibility, but if after that, you kept getting calls because she actually lacked the requisite skills for the job... pretty sure that most IT departments aren't there to provide basic office skills training.
 
2012-09-13 06:40:20 PM  

Mr_Fabulous: Oh great, one of these threads again. Wah! I'm being paid to provide a service and some people actually need my help. Wah! I hate being actually useful, I'd rather be a snotty, entitled perpetual adolescent because I know how something works and you don't. Wah!

News flash... Everybody working in the service economy is doing something for clueless clients who probably should know better, yet don't. It's why we keep bringing home paychecks; it's why we're needed in the first place. Get over yourself.


So you think it's a bad idea to vent among ourselves?

Who else is there with whom to empathize? I've immensely enjoyed the stories told here; they make me realize that if we all stood in a circle and threw our troubles in the middle, we'd all go huntin' our own.

An IT consumer could never know the feeling of wanting to slap someone with a wet trout because said consumer insists on using a forward slash instead of a back slash in the run box when navigating to a file on the server.

/i've had to say "... SWEAR.TO.GOD you're using the back slash above the enter key! Don't make me come over there!"
 
2012-09-13 06:47:17 PM  
I can't stand users who want to work from home all the time and call in with whatever 'problem' they can think of.
If you have a real problem, get up off of your ass and bring your laptop into the office.
I don't have time to spend an hour remotely connecting through the VPN while you are on your shiatty home wireless network. I had work to do before you called, and I have more to do after I hang up on you.
 
2012-09-13 06:51:20 PM  

12000Eyes: An IT consumer could never know the feeling of wanting to slap someone with a wet trout because said consumer insists on using a forward slash instead of a back slash in the run box when navigating to a file on the server.


Of sure, be annoyed with the consumer because they actually do things properly.
static.flickr.com
 
2012-09-13 06:55:24 PM  

fluffy2097: Gone In 26 Minutes: I meant lie about things like rebooting your PC, checking connections, etc. If you're absolutely confident you've already done those things and we ask you to do it, just say you're doing it so we can cross it off the list. If you're not sure, of course, then it pays to err on the side of caution and just do what's asked. Remember, we're trying to get people back to work ASAP. We're not making people jump through hoops for amusement.

DO NOT TEACH THE USERS TO LIE!!!

All you are doing is teaching them that it is OK to not follow your instructions. Then they will lie about rebooting their computer anytime they believe that a reboot wont fix the problem.

/are you dense? telling users it's OK to lie about the problems they're having?
//I cannot count the number of times I've been told "I already rebooted it" Only to check the system up-time and it's been on for the past month.


Yeah, but there's a different side to that. I called an upstream provider to complain about about T3 taking errors and the first thing they wanted me to do
was reboot the router. Um, excuse me? Reboot core infrastructure? I don't farking think so. They wouldn't proceed with troubleshooting or even escalate the issue till I rebooted it. So I pulled the circuit off the router long enough to look like I rebooted it, that made them happy, and it turned out to be a dodgy line card in the telco's local OC3 mux.
 
2012-09-13 07:02:47 PM  

Nexzus: When I was on the desk at my last place, 3 resets a week two weeks in a row, and I talk to their supervisor. Of course, that place was a collection agency, shiatty even by CA standards. Annual turnover was 125%.


Yeah, that would be a bit much to deal with... Luckily 'most' of our users at least know which end of the computer to plug into the wall. Of course, I often see their password written on a post-it under their keyboard. Nice and secure... Unfortunately the times that I actually need someone's password, it's never written down, so I have to change it, do the work I need to do, and then let them know I've changed it without being able to email them or(obviously) leave a note. If they are on a week or two of vacation, that 'talk to them when they get back' thing gets a little long... :-)

I just don't understand the 'Can't remember a password' thing, they log in a couple of times a day, it should be relatively easy.
 
2012-09-13 07:05:37 PM  
blog.itsmartdesk.com
 
2012-09-13 07:06:49 PM  

Mr_Fabulous: Oh great, one of these threads again. Wah! I'm being paid to provide a service and some people actually need my help. Wah! I hate being actually useful, I'd rather be a snotty, entitled perpetual adolescent because I know how something works and you don't. Wah!

News flash... Everybody working in the service economy is doing something for clueless clients who probably should know better, yet don't. It's why we keep bringing home paychecks; it's why we're needed in the first place. Get over yourself.


You'd rather your IT guy unload on you someday when you can't figure out the same farking thing he has shown you 100 times already? Fine.

Otherwise, if you don't want to hear IT people complain about clueless users, don't join the thread. There are hundreds on fark over the course of a week, you don't have some kind of 'dibs' on all of them. Don't like it? GTFO, it's that simple.
 
2012-09-13 07:08:27 PM  

fluffy2097: I would much rather have someone tell me they were doing something they shouldn't have been or are simply too lazy to figure out how to work something, then for them to lead me off on some wild goose chase to fix an error they farking made up.


Yes.... One-of problems are hard enough to trace down and fix as it is, we don't need the issue compounded by someone making things up so that we aren't even heading in the right direction.
 
2012-09-13 07:11:51 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: YixilTesiphon: Because People in power are Stupid: YixilTesiphon: TsarTom: "I'm legally blind, but I'm a confident and fiercely independent woman. I'm new on this job and I DON'T want anyone thinking they made a bad hire, so don't even ask me to bring in a co-worker. I can't see my screen beyond a slight glow and have literally never worked with computers before. Now then, I'm told that our monthly reports are not uploading correctly, and that is all I know. What do I have to do to fix it?"

The call that lasted FOREVER.

Come on, you can't leave us hanging like that. Did you immediately send an email to her supervisor? What happened?

Yeah, hopefully she got fired for being handicapped. Those people have all the advantages of special parking (Damned government intervention). What business did she have calling a technical support line anyways?

I know everything I say makes you foam at the mouth with rage, but are you suggesting that they should have kept a woman who can't use a computer at this job which requires using a computer?

When I worked at a hospital in Phoenix, we had a speech pathologist who was blind. Most people who are blind need to learn how to solve things by themselves, so that when there is nobody around to help _ they are not dead in the water.


I do believe that she had to take extensive notes on a computer as part of her job. Her blindness was not the whole of what defined her career.

That being said, the idea that some technical support person from some company should try to get some blind person fired because helping them is inconvenient -is repulsive... Kinda like your worldview.


This one is a tough call... Yes, if she misrepresented herself, then she shouldn't have a job, but at the same time, disabled people have to work twice as hard to prove that they are not a liability that this woman may have just been overcompensating. She still should have had a sighted person around to help verify stuff. Just because you're proud, it doesn't mean that you are bulletproof, but I can see her having some self-confidence issues, and being afraid that everyone was just waiting for the smallest fark up.
 
2012-09-13 07:26:56 PM  
Did no one mention BOHF?

Link
 
2012-09-13 07:27:08 PM  

12000Eyes: An IT consumer could never know the feeling of wanting to slap someone with a wet trout because said consumer insists on using a forward slash instead of a back slash in the run box when navigating to a file on the server.

/i've had to say "... SWEAR.TO.GOD you're using the back slash above the enter key! Don't make me come over there!"


Assuming you're dictating the path to the consumer, I have to ask: are you saying something like "C colon slash program files slash..."? If you're actually saying "slash", instead of "backslash", you have only yourself to blame. Technically, there's no such thing as "forward slash". There's just "slash" and "backslash". In English, "slash" - by itself - always means "forward slash".

On the other hand, if you're actually saying "backslash", nevermind. :-)
 
2012-09-13 07:31:02 PM  
In my helpdesk the worst was the lying. Don't lie to me about what troubleshooting has been done because I will catch you in the lie and it only prolongs the experience. I'm not asking you to do it because its irrelevant or unnecessary. While it's not rocket science there is a prescribed order of operations that helps make troubleshooting that much easier. It may be tedious, but it's necessary. Not wanting to crawl under the desk to reseat a cable will make me ask you to find another computer to swap out in the office. I will figure a way to make the next troubleshooting step even worse than the one before.

/tiny fists of rage
 
2012-09-13 07:36:24 PM  
"The internet is broken."

"Help me clear all the porn off my computer before the wife comes back."

After installing some new drivers..."OK so let's reboot your computer"
2 secs later "OK, done."
"No that was your monitor, reboot the big box under your desk. Hit Start..."
 
2012-09-13 07:52:48 PM  

Gone In 26 Minutes: We're not farking drones. Don't treat us like drones and we'll be absolutely fine with helping you. We'll be as pleasant to you as you are to us. We'll still biatch about the really dumb issues, but every single job in the world has 'dumb shiat we biatch out to our colleagues.' Generally, the problem isn't these issues themselves, but rather, that it's the same users calling about the same problems that are fixed in the same way. People who don't learn are facepalm-worthy to me regardless of what they do for a living, but we'll still help you fix it because that's what we're paid to do. If we vent in our spare time to the internet about it, well, I don't know what to tell you.


I always tried to be considerate. When I placed a TS call, I'd generally start by thanking them, and saying something along the lines of "I will do everything you ask. I am reasonably clueful, so if you just need me to navigate somewhere, just tell me. If I know how and where, I'll do it. If I don't, I'll ask you. Fair enough?" I dunno if that's exactly what you mean, but everyone was always very nice and patient with me.
 
2012-09-13 07:55:23 PM  
tl:dr Everyone complains about their jobs, and I will too. Most users are OK, some users suck, this one user really sucked.

All these remarks telling IT guys to get over it... I bet you farkers NEVER complain about your jobs.

I rarely have to talk to the unwashed users, but 99% of the time the transactions I have with them are pleasant and resolved quickly. It isn't those calls that stand out, though. I've seen competent techs who were berated by users to the point of tears. Here's my whiny story about an asshat user.

A quick background, this happens in the middle of a months long badly needed migration from a failing Exchange 2003 server to a shiny new Exchange 2010 server. We were short handed, and I was taking some calls (normally I just do network and systems monitoring, escalated issues, and design and engineering)

A user calls in, and asks to talk to an unavailable tech who reports to me. I tell this user that she isn't available, and that I can help her with her problem. This user says that her email looks different, she's using OWA on her personal computer to access her email (Outlook Web Access for those of you who don't know). I proudly inform her that her account has been moved to the new email server, and that it does look different, but adds a bunch of new functionality and dependability, and that I'm sure she'll grow to lik... She cuts me off, "I don't like it!" I was taken by surprise, as we're (OK "I'm") pretty proud of our new server. "I..I'm sorry."

She LOUDLY DEMANDS to know who's decision it was to move her account to a new server, and why wasn't she notified? I told her that the primary deciding factor at this point is mailbox size, we started with the smallest, and are moving batches over every night, and that this is a decision that was made months ago and it was public knowledge that this was happening. She pitches a fit like a grade school girl, "No one else I work with has the new server! I don't want the new server, I want to be put back on the old server!" To which I reply, "Everybody will eventually be moved to the new server, it's inevitable. I'm sorry, I can't move you back, is there something else I can help you with?" At this point, we go into a feedback loop repeating her last sentence and my last sentence, probably 6 or 7 times, before she demanded to speak with my report. I told her that she was unavailable. She demanded to know who could put her back on the old server, I told her that if it could be done, I would do it, but that nobody could do that, that she'd need to get used to the new interface. We then went back into the feedback loop, her getting louder each time, until she finally hung up on me.

The phone rang again, it was her, I told the tech to let it roll, sparing her the vitriol. It rolled through the other phones, and came back to my phone. I answered, she demanded to speak with the tech, I told her she wasn't available, and instead transferred her to my boss who was expecting the call.

I went to his office, and he put it on speaker. She was as sweet as sugar, complained about me, telling my boss that I was rude and unhelpful, to which he replied "That's strange, he's usually very nice." She asked if she could be moved back to the old server, he told her exactly what I did, "I'm sorry, we can't do that, is there something else I can help you with?" To which she replied, "It's just that it doesn't work right, I can't scroll through the emails like I used to, and it doesn't look as good." She needed to update her browser, she was using IE6. Everything worked fine after she updated.

A cursory check of this person's account showed me that she was a low level employee of no significance. Why did she think she could make such a demand? This whole thing took 3 times longer than it needed to, the user got herself all worked up about nothing, and in the end it could have been resolved very quickly if she'd just told me what the problem was.

So, yeah, you can be a demanding asshat, or you can just be nice and have your problem solved quickly and efficiently. In the end, you're just wasting my time and yours if you're a jerk. I imagine these people are the same people who treat waitstaff poorly, and kick their dog because of their own deep rooted inadequacies.
 
2012-09-13 07:56:05 PM  
Mikey1969
I just don't understand the 'Can't remember a password' thing, they log in a couple of times a day, it should be relatively easy.

Sometimes it just happens.
Some months ago I needed about half an hour to figure out a longish, rather randomized GPG passphrase that I've been using more or less regularly for ages
For some reason my mind mixed up the password pattern with a very similar one or some outdated passwords.
I knew that what I was typing was almost right and I had a general idea of where in the passphrase the error had to be, but it took some time and relying on tactile memory ("where do my fingers think they should be going now") to work it out again.
If that password had been for a system limiting the number of login attempts instead of a local encrypted file or if I hadn't had the time for half an hour of guesswork, I would have asked for a password reset, too.
Heck, if it had been possible to reset that password, I probably would have done so after 5-10 minutes.
 
2012-09-13 08:01:30 PM  

Dadoo: 12000Eyes: An IT consumer could never know the feeling of wanting to slap someone with a wet trout because said consumer insists on using a forward slash instead of a back slash in the run box when navigating to a file on the server.

/i've had to say "... SWEAR.TO.GOD you're using the back slash above the enter key! Don't make me come over there!"

Assuming you're dictating the path to the consumer, I have to ask: are you saying something like "C colon slash program files slash..."? If you're actually saying "slash", instead of "backslash", you have only yourself to blame. Technically, there's no such thing as "forward slash". There's just "slash" and "backslash". In English, "slash" - by itself - always means "forward slash".

On the other hand, if you're actually saying "backslash", nevermind. :-)


Personally, I always refer to the slashes like this when talking to a user:

"Forward slash, that's the one where the question mark is on the keyboard."

"Backslash, that's the one above the enter key and below the backspace key."

Then I'll throw in that the direction of the slash is referenced by the top side. That way they might find it easier when someone else is giving them directions.

Sure, it's wordy, but I very, very rarely get any confusion about what I mean. I also use the NATO alphabet when spelling anything out, and try to speak slow and clear.

I'm exceedingly helpful, but a bit dry and robotic sometimes.
 
2012-09-13 08:03:38 PM  
#1 F*CK PC LOAD LETTER!
#2 Only object if you also would not do it to get next to an office hot.
#3 it's only 15 years old!
#4 Update on your time, not mine.
#5 Write them down instead?
#6 Because the cheap pigs that own the business are still using 56K dialup
#7 I was working just before the issue arose.
#8 Ignoring that the warning emails also look like malware
#9 HR problem, not IT...because the IT guys know how to watch porn and not get caught.
#10 No excuse, but why are those drivers accessible to untrained users?
#11 Backstabbing snakepit - the 3 year old email you delete today will be the CYA you need tomorrow.
#12 But it's okay for the IT guy to set his sweating Super Big Gulp on the stack of contracts on your desk.
 
2012-09-13 08:05:29 PM  
FarkinOgre
All these remarks telling IT guys to get over it... I bet you farkers NEVER complain about your jobs.

Hm, it's a bit late, but maybe we can turn this into a tipping thread:
"If you want good service and a friendly IT-waiter, you better.. "
 
2012-09-13 08:09:28 PM  
SLIDESHOW BOB!

*runs into house and locks the door*
 
das
2012-09-13 08:13:34 PM  
ID-10-T error.
 
2012-09-13 08:20:37 PM  

FarkinOgre: All these remarks telling IT guys to get over it... I bet you farkers NEVER complain about your jobs.


Sure we do...we complain about dealing with IT!
 
2012-09-13 08:20:45 PM  
13. "I just read the last story I will ever read from InfoWorld. Can you help me navigate away from the ad-infested page?"
 
2012-09-13 08:21:41 PM  

FarkinOgre: "Backslash, that's the one above the enter key and below the backspace key."


You have to watch out with that, though. On keyboards with L-shaped enter keys (which I personally hate), the backslash is to the left of the backspace.
 
2012-09-13 08:23:32 PM  

GratuityIncluded: 13. "I just read the last story I will ever read from InfoWorld. Can you help me navigate away from the ad-infested page?"


I don't see any ads

/Chrome and AD Block
 
2012-09-13 09:00:07 PM  
Ok, I've had to call IT for stuff before. But since they usually log into my computer via VPN (I think that's what it is...I'm not a 'computer person'), I pay attention to what they're doing and take notes so I can fix it myself next time. It's pretty damn rare I have to call them twice for the same issue.

Am I really the only person who does this? Nothing personal against our help desk, I just have better things to do with my day than be on the phone with them.
 
2012-09-13 09:01:37 PM  

Mikey1969: Because People in power are Stupid: YixilTesiphon: Because People in power are Stupid: YixilTesiphon: TsarTom: "I'm legally blind, but I'm a confident and fiercely independent woman. I'm new on this job and I DON'T want anyone thinking they made a bad hire, so don't even ask me to bring in a co-worker. I can't see my screen beyond a slight glow and have literally never worked with computers before. Now then, I'm told that our monthly reports are not uploading correctly, and that is all I know. What do I have to do to fix it?"

The call that lasted FOREVER.

Come on, you can't leave us hanging like that. Did you immediately send an email to her supervisor? What happened?

Yeah, hopefully she got fired for being handicapped. Those people have all the advantages of special parking (Damned government intervention). What business did she have calling a technical support line anyways?

I know everything I say makes you foam at the mouth with rage, but are you suggesting that they should have kept a woman who can't use a computer at this job which requires using a computer?

When I worked at a hospital in Phoenix, we had a speech pathologist who was blind. Most people who are blind need to learn how to solve things by themselves, so that when there is nobody around to help _ they are not dead in the water.


I do believe that she had to take extensive notes on a computer as part of her job. Her blindness was not the whole of what defined her career.

That being said, the idea that some technical support person from some company should try to get some blind person fired because helping them is inconvenient -is repulsive... Kinda like your worldview.

This one is a tough call... Yes, if she misrepresented herself, then she shouldn't have a job, but at the same time, disabled people have to work twice as hard to prove that they are not a liability that this woman may have just been overcompensating. She still should have had a sighted person around to help verify stuff. Just ...


Here's the deal. A speech pathologist is not an everyday sort of "schlub job". They are actually quite professional and there is more of an art to it than let's say -delivering margaritas to drunks. In fact it requires the ability to detect pathology by using your ears. Some people are better at it than others.

That being said, this person is pretty much on the "needed" level as a nurse or a physical therapist. So if that person needs specialized help with using a computer -then she should get it.

Now, if the people misrepresenting their skills with technical support can't provide support to someone because they are blind -then they should advertise it or at least display it in their contract. Otherwise, spend the farkin' time with the blind person to help them.
 
2012-09-13 09:18:34 PM  

SirTanon: ... they also left this sort of thing off.. something I see at least twice a month...

User: "Hi, my computer is broken. I can't do anything.."

Me: "What exactly do you mean? It won't boot? It won't power on? or...?"

User: "It won't work."

... What the user is actually talking about:

[benchmarkreviews.com image 600x400]

How many times do I have to tell them, that's a monitor.

...

oh yeah, and THIS is a COMPUTER, __NOT__ a "hard drive"

[cybertoothtech.com image 400x400]

Pet peeve, yes... but it gets old after a while, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.


A user who had been issued a laptop computer sent an email stating that she would prefer a hard drive for working in the office. I was prepared to deliver a bare hard drive to her, but my supervisor forbade me from doing so.

I suggested, as an alternative, that I deliver a hard drive in an enclosure.
 
2012-09-13 09:21:37 PM  
I'll jump in.

Ages ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I worked for a computer retailer. A guy buys an expensive Powerbook (as if there was/is any other kind), and comes in two weeks later blowing his top. "This computer is dead, I want my money back!" I mean, raising a total riot, yelling about how we suck, etc. I try to calm him down, and he's having none of it, so I ask if I can have the computer and have one of our techs take a look. Fine. He takes his receipt while my PHB (pointy haired boss, for those non-monks) proceeds with the refund.

I take the laptop back to our service techs, ask them to give it a quick look. Not 45 seconds later, a guy walks out with the powerbook in a bag. "I'm not touching it." I'm like "Wha whaaaa?" He says "Dude, smell inside the bag". I do.

"Dude... Is that... that smells like jizz."

"The guy spooged on the keyboard. I'm not touching that thing."

Oooh, I'm all smiles. I walk back out and interrupt the manager mid refund. In a very conspiratorial, all smiles way, I lean in to the guy. "Sir. Sir... C'mere." He leans in. "Did you get it on the keyboard?"

Suddenly the guy is no longer Mr. I'm Getting My farking Money Back, and he whispers to me "Uh... yeah."

"I'm sorry, sir, but we can't take back a computer with jizz all over the keyboard."

"What am I supposed to tell my wife?!"

"That's between Sir and Mrs. Sir, sir."

Fast forward. I tell this tale to a co-worker. He laughs with gusto. Not even a month later, I get a panicked call from him. He's opened a can of diet Coke and it sprayed all over his laptop. I pelt over, see Coke everywhere, make sure he'd followed my instructions to unplug it and yank the battery. I remove the keyboard. None had gotten through. All good. Call Dell, new keyboard on the way.

As he lets out a HUGE sigh of relief, I look at him totally deadpan and say "Sir... Did you get it on the keyboard?" "I didn't spunk on the farking keyboard!"

Go back to the office. Tell EVERYONE the whole story. He comes back to the main office later that day. Moment he walks in, someone says "Dude... You got it on the keyboard?"

That's one of the many reasons my server room has sturdy locks.
 
2012-09-13 09:23:56 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: Now, if the people misrepresenting their skills with technical support can't provide support to someone because they are blind -then they should advertise it or at least display it in their contract. Otherwise, spend the farkin' time with the blind person to help them.


Spoken like a person who truly thinks that they are the center of the universe. There are more people at the company than the single blind person. If she can't handle the basic functions of the computer, and basic computer usage is a requirement, then she is not qualified for the job. If they just introduced computers at the company, then the users have a point. Otherwise, you might want to think about how many other people need IT help on a minute by minute basis before you dedicate someone to read a creen for someone else who is too arrogant to admit that they can't read it.
 
2012-09-13 09:44:42 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: I do some on the side repair jobs (mostly friends-of-friends to get a little extra spending cash), and I ALWAYS ask "Is there going to be anything I don't WANT to find (porn)?"

Answer: "No, I don't look at that stuff"

If they lied, it costs extra AND I take a screenshot of the offending item for my collection. It goes in my "Oh Internet" folder.


I have been thinking about doing data recovery and side repair jobs. What's the protocol if you find pron of the underage nature?

I will gladly offer judgment-free recovery, except for the above mentioned, but what does the law say? Will I be sent to federal PMITA prison?
 
2012-09-13 09:47:58 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com

My printer squeaks. 

Granted I'm sure this was staged but I've found a whole host of weird things in printers/copiers ranging from the mundane, paper clips, to the unusual, bird feathers, and the down right, wtf, condom (thankfully sealed in the wrapper still)
 
2012-09-13 10:06:24 PM  
Your password is now d1Pshiat you dipshiat.
 
2012-09-13 10:13:53 PM  

Fish in a Barrel: As a developer, number 7 is really a pain in the ass. I go through a lot of effort to make sure any error messages are detailed and helpful, but no one reads them.


Apparently I've never had the opportunity to use any of your software. All i get is "Error 1603", then it's up to me to try to figure out what the actual problem is (let alone the solution.)
 
2012-09-13 10:20:56 PM  

WitchyWoman: GratuityIncluded: 13. "I just read the last story I will ever read from InfoWorld. Can you help me navigate away from the ad-infested page?"

I don't see any ads

/Chrome and AD Block


haha no thanks
 
2012-09-13 10:25:22 PM  
I supervise the tech support department of a company that sells CNC cutting technology. When IT people call me for help they are the WORST people to work with. Our equipment requires a host computer and they always refer to the host computer as the machine. No, bright boy. That giant table with an automated laser cutting head is a machine. The host is a computer.

Which is not to say these most dreaded questions didn't resonate with me. "Enroute is saving job files with the wrong extension." "Then somebody must have changed a setting." "No, nobody changed anything; it just started happening." Why do people think software does stuff to itself?
 
2012-09-13 10:57:23 PM  
Helpdesk sends us a ticket that a user wants 10+ IP's whitelisted with no details.
Some digging turns up that they're mailserver IP's that they want. (wtf?)
Rooting thru blocked inbound emails shows a lot of blacklisted emails that are suddenly not blasted all over our domain, but now directed at a few people.
Some more digging tuns out a live the stereotype department head had signed up (and paid for) some sort of conferencing software promotion service without checking with *anyone*.

How this was done since 2 months before a dept director had reported (correctly) that this "service" was spamming & had them blocked, I dunno.

/another classic...user does not know PC name or IP...coming up from the helpdesk w/a issue
//static IP's
///labeled PC's/
////helpdesk has instructions re: ipconfig
\\\arrgghhh
 
2012-09-13 11:17:22 PM  
nytmare
Fish in a Barrel:
As a developer, number 7 is really a pain in the ass. I go through a lot of effort to make sure any error messages are detailed and helpful, but no one reads them.

Apparently I've never had the opportunity to use any of your software. All i get is "Error 1603", then it's up to me to try to figure out what the actual problem is (let alone the solution.)


I'm always for spicing up error messages to make people read and remember bits of them.
I had a friend/colleague ask me to look into some weird issue because "You'll probably figure this one out a lot faster than me - the error message sounds like you were the one who wrote it." (okay, we were only four people working on that project, so the choices were rather limited).


Alright, it's mostly just because my teen-aged self enjoyed playing a computer game which used some rather unusual messages and dialog options; think stuff like replacing "Ok" and "Cancel" on confirmation dialogs like "Do you REALLY want to delete savegame 'xyz123'?" with something like "YES, now get to it already!" and "OhGodOhGodOhGod NO!!!"
 
2012-09-13 11:25:31 PM  
13. Help my desk is killing me!
 
2012-09-13 11:31:00 PM  

DanZero: Deslidified


You, sir, are a cellphone hero.
 
2012-09-13 11:33:39 PM  

ProfessorOhki: 12000Eyes: An IT consumer could never know the feeling of wanting to slap someone with a wet trout because said consumer insists on using a forward slash instead of a back slash in the run box when navigating to a file on the server.

Of sure, be annoyed with the consumer because they actually do things properly.
[static.flickr.com image 599x196]


Alas; the business world is steeped in left-tilted Winders.
 
2012-09-13 11:51:28 PM  

Mikey1969: Because People in power are Stupid: Now, if the people misrepresenting their skills with technical support can't provide support to someone because they are blind -then they should advertise it or at least display it in their contract. Otherwise, spend the farkin' time with the blind person to help them.

Spoken like a person who truly thinks that they are the center of the universe. There are more people at the company than the single blind person. If she can't handle the basic functions of the computer, and basic computer usage is a requirement, then she is not qualified for the job. If they just introduced computers at the company, then the users have a point. Otherwise, you might want to think about how many other people need IT help on a minute by minute basis before you dedicate someone to read a creen for someone else who is too arrogant to admit that they can't read it.


Spoken like someone who doesn't work in IT. If you place such a high importance on the IT trainer rather than the person being trained, ie the trained -then how much should they get paid? A speech pathologist makes about $66,920. vs IT support : $46,337. So if we are going by strictly numbers, IT support is less valued.

But since we are also talking about farked up attitudes and spraying invective venom about. I should say that I farking hire IT staff constantly, in fact you could say that I am a hiring manager. With that attitude towards your fellow worker, I wouldn't hire you to tie your own shoes. But whatever, we know that you are some undergraduate dud, with no experience and no real useful knowledge whatsoever. And furthermore, you are the reason that the US is outsourcing their labor. So maybe you ought to rethink IT as a career.
 
2012-09-14 12:02:11 AM  

Freschel: FTFA: 3. "Isn't it time for my computer to be upgraded?"

That's an easy question. The answer is yes. After an hour you bought that computer.

I r so funny


The answer is yes if it's been 6+ years since the PC was bought. There's no excuse for demanding an employee use outdated crap unless you want to fire them.
 
2012-09-14 12:13:03 AM  
Well, to be fair, the IT staff at my High School was questionable.
We got free Laptops (public school), but they broke all the time. The person in charge of repair only had one solution to every problem the laptop had- reformat.
"Monitor is cracked? Reformat"
"You say the RAM is bad? Reformat"

Not to mention the people who were the IT guys in training (two people got preferential treatment and got to work on the school computers), were complete douchebags.
 
2012-09-14 12:33:36 AM  

Rockstone: Well, to be fair, the IT staff at my High School was questionable.
We got free Laptops (public school), but they broke all the time. The person in charge of repair only had one solution to every problem the laptop had- reformat.
"Monitor is cracked? Reformat"
"You say the RAM is bad? Reformat"


If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

(That guy needed a hammer so that he could add to his arsenal.)
 
2012-09-14 12:35:30 AM  

dramboxf: Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: "Is there going to be anything I don't WANT to find (porn)?"

Yeah, my last gig as an IT Manager was for a company owned by a born-again Christian. One of our salespeople is gay. Working on his laptop, I found some (a huge shiat-ton) of gay porn. Job requirement was to report any "improper" programs or data found on company-owned equipment.

THAT was an aaaaawkward conversation.


Almost exact same situation except I found kiddie porn. I was blushing while reporting it.
 
2012-09-14 12:35:54 AM  
I despise lists like this.

The suggestion is that IT Support is above the needs of its users. In my world view, if anyone in the company can't produce because of a technical problem, it is my job to fix it. That's it and treat the user with respect.

As a member of the software development team we are assigned help desk days above and beyond what is handled by pc support. These days include evening and weekend support.

For me it very satisfying to close a trouble ticket out...knowing that I tapped every resource to solve the problem.
 
2012-09-14 12:40:28 AM  

ProfessorOhki: No, she should have probably been fired for never having worked with a computer before. If she was hired for a job that was heavy on their use either 1) HR did a crappy job or 2) She lied about her skills. Given how quick she was to try to hide things from her manager and co-worker, I'd lean towards 2. Not to say that one shouldn't have tried to assist with accessibility, but if after that, you kept getting calls because she actually lacked the requisite skills for the job... pretty sure that most IT departments aren't there to provide basic office skills training.


Since we're speaking hypothetically about some imaginary person; then pretend that after she lied to everyone and got fired that she had her eyes replaced with bionic devices that allowed her to do everyone's job twice as fast. She was then Rehired and everyone who got her fired in the first place is now looking for work.


See how easy things become with hypothetical arguments? No, I don't suppose you do.
 
2012-09-14 12:53:55 AM  

Because People in power are Stupid: Rockstone: Well, to be fair, the IT staff at my High School was questionable.
We got free Laptops (public school), but they broke all the time. The person in charge of repair only had one solution to every problem the laptop had- reformat.
"Monitor is cracked? Reformat"
"You say the RAM is bad? Reformat"

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

(That guy needed a hammer so that he could add to his arsenal.)


Of what use would a hammer be should the technician not be a hammer person?
 
2012-09-14 12:55:21 AM  
Ahh yes, the physical printer issues, bane of tech support professionals everywhere. Yeah I don't know if you've realized this Mr. / Ms. End-User, but you're in Seattle, WA and I'm in freaking Dallas, TX, so WTF exactly do you expect me to do about it?!?!?! You know that phone number that's in your local corporate directory for on-site support? Yeah, the one that is RIGHT NEXT TO the general support number? Why don't you try giving them a call first, ya freaking halfwit! Jeebus Crist, you people design freaking airliners and satellites and fighter jets & shiat. You'd think that you would be smart enough to figure this out on your own instead of interrupting my breakfast that I have to eat at the office because the company just downsized AGAIN and now I have mandatory pre- and post-shift overtime, coupled with impossibly stupid call metric requirements that force me to put a band-aid on your problems instead of taking the necessary time to actually fix them!!

/I gotta find a new line of work.
 
2012-09-14 12:58:19 AM  
Had a maddening experience with a Verizon tech who was sent out to figure out why my 35Mb/sec link was only operating at 15Mb/sec. She unplugged the RJ-45 from my router and plugged it directly in to her laptop and brought up the NIC configuration on her laptop (I have business class FIOS with static IPs so no DHCP for me) to run some speed tests:

Her: "What is your router's IP address?"
Me: "I think you mean my default, route, correct?"
Her: "No, your router's IP address."
Me: "My router's IP address won't help us since it's now disconnected from the network."
Her: "So what's your router's IP address?" (pointing to my FreeBSD box)
Me: "Listen, you JUST DISCONNECTED MY ROUTER. Setting your computer up to talk to it is not what you want. You want the default route."
Her: Shaking her head, "Hang on". Calls up someone, enters in the default route after someone gave it to her. "See? There's your router's address."
Me: "That is my DEFAULT ROUTE. That is *VERIZON'S* router. My *ROUTER* forwards to THAT IP address. You asked me for *MY* router's IP address."

There were several more gaffaes, asking me for my "DNS server", also on my router, which was disconnected. I said "Doesn't matter, use a root name server, like 4.2.2.1 or something. We aren't dealing with DNS issues." blank stare "What's your DNS server's address?" Her solution to everything was, if you didn't answer her question verbatim, was to just repeat the question. Come to think of it, I'm not even sure it was a 'her'.

I eventually shouted her out enough and told her to leave and get someone competent out there. About an hour later, I got another tech, who, in about 2 minutes, figured out that my ONT couldn't do anything more than 15Mb and would have to be swapped.

Bottom line, tech support people - if you see that someone knows more than you, STOP READING FROM YOUR DAMNED SCRIPT AND ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT WHAT THE PROBLEM MIGHT BE. Even if you don't know the answers, you can at least recognize when someone else knows more than you do, and to pass them off to someone who knows more than you do.

/worked in tech support in the late 80s. Shudder...
 
2012-09-14 01:01:40 AM  

Because People in power are Stupid: I should say that I farking hire IT staff constantly, in fact you could say that I am a hiring manager.


So I could safely say that you are a "person in power"...

At least you got the fark handle right.
 
2012-09-14 01:02:39 AM  

Gone In 26 Minutes: fluffy2097: Gone In 26 Minutes: at least lie

NEVER LIE TO IT! NEVER EVER!

I meant lie about things like rebooting your PC, checking connections, etc. If you're absolutely confident you've already done those things and we ask you to do it, just say you're doing it so we can cross it off the list. If you're not sure, of course, then it pays to err on the side of caution and just do what's asked. Remember, we're trying to get people back to work ASAP. We're not making people jump through hoops for amusement.


Too often, you're making people jump through hoops because you're running off a script in front of you and can't, for a minute, actually troubleshoot a problem without a flowchart in front of you.
 
2012-09-14 01:02:44 AM  

DanZero: Deslidified


I ..... I think I love you.


YAY Deslidified!
 
2012-09-14 01:07:04 AM  

Dimensio: Because People in power are Stupid: Rockstone: Well, to be fair, the IT staff at my High School was questionable.
We got free Laptops (public school), but they broke all the time. The person in charge of repair only had one solution to every problem the laptop had- reformat.
"Monitor is cracked? Reformat"
"You say the RAM is bad? Reformat"

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

(That guy needed a hammer so that he could add to his arsenal.)

Of what use would a hammer be should the technician not be a hammer person?


From an IT support perspective, you could just lay it down on a table amidst the office. Perhaps have special instructions located somewhere in the customer support script where the support personnel describe the use of a hammer and suggest it's use to someone who has a problem with their laptop. They could just be on the phone with some customer. They may use the physical device to describe it to the person they're helping and then tell them to get one. The call would almost be done at the point when they get the user to pry apart their laptop and start beating the different components with the dull end. As a final step, have them ship the broken device back to the manufacturer (Customer support level II). Within weeks the manufacturer will replace the malfunctioning device (with a surcharge) and the whole process will reset itself.
 
2012-09-14 01:08:09 AM  

Mikey1969: Because People in power are Stupid: I should say that I farking hire IT staff constantly, in fact you could say that I am a hiring manager.

So I could safely say that you are a "person in power"...

At least you got the fark handle right.


Uh, huh. that's original. Dullard.
 
2012-09-14 01:34:03 AM  

OddLlama: dramboxf: Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: "Is there going to be anything I don't WANT to find (porn)?"

Yeah, my last gig as an IT Manager was for a company owned by a born-again Christian. One of our salespeople is gay. Working on his laptop, I found some (a huge shiat-ton) of gay porn. Job requirement was to report any "improper" programs or data found on company-owned equipment.

THAT was an aaaaawkward conversation.

Almost exact same situation except I found kiddie porn. I was blushing while reporting it.


Did you get it on the keyboard?
 
2012-09-14 02:18:53 AM  
I do online support for a known ISP. Basically our customers call in for support, the only restrictions are 1--we must be able to connect to the customers computer with a hardline, and 2--we cant work on the LAN drivers

(cust calling in because they need to connect their laptop to the wifi)
me: Sir, can you connect your laptop to the router with a network cable?
cust ; Oh its connected...
me: excellent, open up internet explorer please
cust: but i dont have an internet connection
me: even with your laptop connected to the router with a cable?
cust: its wireless, it doesnt need a cable
(facepalm)

or going thru 30 minutes of getting remotely connected to customer, checking the router and computer, only to find the wifi switch is off, then arguing for 30 minutes with said customer about the existence of a wifi switch, only to hear 20 minutes later, 'oh whats this button do?' then see the graphic on the screen as the wifi suddenly oes on, and the laptop "magically" connects 

just the other night i had gone through 45 minutes of a customer troubleshooting as the cal progressed, i found the customer really had no idea what i meant by instructions like:

right click
drag and drop
hit the "enter"key (no lie)
open your browser
close your browser
reboot


im convinced most people shouldnt own a PC, shouldnt own a smartphone, and should just have 2 cans on a string, or bang 2 rocks togeter
 
2012-09-14 02:51:18 AM  
Here's an idea:

When we call in with an issue, don't start with the assumption that we're completely retarded. We might actually save you time if you ask us, or allow us to tell you, the actual farking symptoms of the problem.

I know for damned sure that if I can ping-t my router, and your router, and don't drop any packets, but can't trace any farther out, the problem isn't a farking loose ethernet jack. If I can ping any external IP from a command prompt, but not any external website, the problem is not going to be solved by upgrading my farking browser. If I can surf every website in the world besides our corporate site, have cleared my caches, and the problem exists no matter what PC or device I tried to use, and no matter what network I use it from, "you must have done something" isn't a logical farking reponse! If I can't get to my website, can't get to any other websites hosted on the same shared server, but can get to every other website on earth, I can guaran-farking-tee you that the problem is not my farking network card.

One other little suggestion:

If you send me up to Level II support, tell them whatever the fark I just told you, and what you tried that didn't work. Don't make me do the retard shuffle again for the next 15 minutes of my life. If rebooting my PC, my router, and refreshing my IP address didn't work the last two times, and you haven't done anything on your side since the last time I did it, it's not going to farking work the third time.

If I could have the hours of my life back I have spent on the phone with tech support when they farking ignored every word I said the first three times, I think I'd be able to watch all the Star Trek episodes in one sitting. From each series.

/not like I would. voyager sucked.
 
2012-09-14 02:54:21 AM  

Silvyrbug: I do online support for a known ISP. Basically our customers call in for support, the only restrictions are 1--we must be able to connect to the customers computer with a hardline, and 2--we cant work on the LAN drivers

(cust calling in because they need to connect their laptop to the wifi)
me: Sir, can you connect your laptop to the router with a network cable?
cust ; Oh its connected...
me: excellent, open up internet explorer please
cust: but i dont have an internet connection
me: even with your laptop connected to the router with a cable?
cust: its wireless, it doesnt need a cable
(facepalm)

or going thru 30 minutes of getting remotely connected to customer, checking the router and computer, only to find the wifi switch is off, then arguing for 30 minutes with said customer about the existence of a wifi switch, only to hear 20 minutes later, 'oh whats this button do?' then see the graphic on the screen as the wifi suddenly oes on, and the laptop "magically" connects 

just the other night i had gone through 45 minutes of a customer troubleshooting as the cal progressed, i found the customer really had no idea what i meant by instructions like:

right click
drag and drop
hit the "enter"key (no lie)
open your browser
close your browser
reboot


im convinced most people shouldnt own a PC, shouldnt own a smartphone, and should just have 2 cans on a string, or bang 2 rocks togeter


***

While I can appreciate your frustration with this customer, I would posit that if it took you a 30 minute argument with the end-user to eventually have him figure out that he didn't have his wifi adapter turned on in the first place, you suck at your job and should find another line of work. I'm sorry my friend, but that fark-up was entirely on you, and you need to reevaluate your troubleshooting skills.
 
2012-09-14 05:33:11 AM  
"I dont know anything about computers"

try. JUST TRY. All I ask. and stop calling yourself stupid. If first graders can get something that you cant get because you refuse to try, it makes you LAZY, not stupid.
 
2012-09-14 05:54:59 AM  

Dimensio: AdolfOliverPanties: Me: "Okay, let me connect to your computer and take a look. What's your computer name?" (we give each machine a specific name in AD, then connect through VNC Viewer, RDP or whatever through that name or IP Address.)

Customer: "Um, I call it Bob."

Me: (HITS MUTE BUTTON) "Oh, you're so farking funny. What a clever wit! Why are you slaving behind a computer instead of selling out Madison Square Garden with your stand-up act every night you farking turd?"

Me: (gritting my teeth) "Oh really? Mine's Fred." (I then hate myself for playing along with this asshole.)

Customer: "Where do I find the computer name? Oh here it is. 'Dell.' "

Me: (pulling my farking hair out) "No, that's the brand. I need the name we gave it. It should be there on your desktop wallpaper or on the sticker on the top of the tower."

Customer: "It's not on my desktop screen. And there is no sticker."

Me: "Oh? What's on your desktop screen?"

Customer: "My email."

Me: (slamming my head on the desk) "No, that's not your desktop wallpaper. Minimize all your open programs and tell me what you see in the lower right hand corner of the screen."

Customer: "Oh! Look at that. It says Computer name......."



Several times a week. And they almost always call their computer Bob. What the fark?

I avoid such issues by using an automated inventory system that enables me to search user names and retrieve a list of computers that they have recently accessed.



Our enterprise programmers set up a system that. if a call is placed from the call center floor or from a known user extention, the system pops computer name into a call staging program as soon as the call is picked up. Other info like service tags, project info, and call histories just magically appear and can be used to autogenerate a ticket if the help desk would like, or a different button can be used to pull up that machines open tickets, or pull a current screen shot from the target machine and drop it into help desk program.

/ we had to WORK when I did help desk.
// onion on the belt, lawn gaurdian, yeah...
 
2012-09-14 06:02:47 AM  

Theaetetus: IT hates us... a whole department of people who know significantly more about their jobs than they do (including many of us who used to do IT).


if you USED to be in IT, you should know the MOST annoying users are the ones who used to be in IT, cause, hey, guess what, IT changes REAL fast. Ive never met an ex-IT guy who had the slightest clue.
 
2012-09-14 06:11:31 AM  

I sound fat: Dimensio: AdolfOliverPanties: Me: "Okay, let me connect to your computer and take a look. What's your computer name?" (we give each machine a specific name in AD, then connect through VNC Viewer, RDP or whatever through that name or IP Address.)

Customer: "Um, I call it Bob."

Me: (HITS MUTE BUTTON) "Oh, you're so farking funny. What a clever wit! Why are you slaving behind a computer instead of selling out Madison Square Garden with your stand-up act every night you farking turd?"

Me: (gritting my teeth) "Oh really? Mine's Fred." (I then hate myself for playing along with this asshole.)

Customer: "Where do I find the computer name? Oh here it is. 'Dell.' "

Me: (pulling my farking hair out) "No, that's the brand. I need the name we gave it. It should be there on your desktop wallpaper or on the sticker on the top of the tower."

Customer: "It's not on my desktop screen. And there is no sticker."

Me: "Oh? What's on your desktop screen?"

Customer: "My email."

Me: (slamming my head on the desk) "No, that's not your desktop wallpaper. Minimize all your open programs and tell me what you see in the lower right hand corner of the screen."

Customer: "Oh! Look at that. It says Computer name......."



Several times a week. And they almost always call their computer Bob. What the fark?

I avoid such issues by using an automated inventory system that enables me to search user names and retrieve a list of computers that they have recently accessed.


Our enterprise programmers set up a system that. if a call is placed from the call center floor or from a known user extention, the system pops computer name into a call staging program as soon as the call is picked up. Other info like service tags, project info, and call histories just magically appear and can be used to autogenerate a ticket if the help desk would like, or a different button can be used to pull up that machines open tickets, or pull a current screen shot from the target machine and ...


***

Hey here's a crazy idea... how about you just try using farking Active Directory! Jeebus Christ, EVERY organization that uses Windows has an Active directory that is searchable by username, which will give you the computer name, IP address, MAC ID, etc.

Holy farking shiat, am I like the only competent Tech Support Professional on this thread? You farkers seriously need to learn some basic troubleshooting skills instead of randomly punching keys. This shiat just goes to prove that, despite contemporary corporate culture, you absolutely cannot just train any hairless ape off the street to do tech support.
 
2012-09-14 06:34:43 AM  
"The Network is down" could mean anything from "I forgot my password/caps lock is on again" to "the power is out in three provinces, but..."
 
2012-09-14 06:35:40 AM  

Hiro Nakamura: flaminio: Hiro Nakamura: flaminio: kid_icarus: I can't believe they left out the most beloved line of all,

I'm not very computer illiterate...

...back in my help desk days, that line was uttered at least 500 times a day, made all the more maddening in that they seemed unaware they were stating the opposite of what they meant, but they all said it like that.

Yeah, the "I'm not a computer person" line always sets me off. The computer is a tool that you use for your job. Can you imagine a carpenter saying "I'm not a hammer person" as he's building your house?

That's a bullshiat comparison. You're an expert (supposedly) trained in the maintenance and operation of a complex system designed to be used by a user with a minimum level of training.

How many IT guys rely on their 20 year old beater to get them back and forth to work but are clueless when it breaks down?

I'm not expecting end users to fix their own computers. I'm talking about basic computing functions: printing a document to a different printer than their default, or copying a file from one folder to another. I may not know how to fix a car, but I do know how to drive a car.

When a user comes to me with a genuinely hard problem, I rejoice. That's the kind of stuff that makes my job interesting. The password reset/paper jam people are just annoying daily distractions.

That's the problem though. The vast majority of users don't have networked printers at home, they have ONE printer plugged into ONE computer via USB, all set up with self-installing drivers. And even at work, it's a situation out of the norm to have to print to a printer that your computer isn't mapped to. The only reason I know how to do stuff like that is because I get tired of calling IT for help, because I like knowing how to do stuff myself. But it's nowhere in my job requirement to know how to map my computer to the printer in the next building over because my POS won't print black and white because te cyan cartridge is empty.


"Its not in my job description" stopped being a valid thing to say in any circumstance about 20 years ago.
 
2012-09-14 06:40:05 AM  

findthefish: I despise lists like this.

The suggestion is that IT Support is above the needs of its users. In my world view, if anyone in the company can't produce because of a technical problem, it is my job to fix it. That's it and treat the user with respect.

As a member of the software development team we are assigned help desk days above and beyond what is handled by pc support. These days include evening and weekend support.

For me it very satisfying to close a trouble ticket out...knowing that I tapped every resource to solve the problem.


Been in IT for 7 weeks have we?
 
2012-09-14 06:45:07 AM  
 
2012-09-14 06:48:46 AM  

2words1finger: I sound fat: Dimensio: AdolfOliverPanties: Me: "Okay, let me connect to your computer and take a look. What's your computer name?" (we give each machine a specific name in AD, then connect through VNC Viewer, RDP or whatever through that name or IP Address.)

Customer: "Um, I call it Bob."

Me: (HITS MUTE BUTTON) "Oh, you're so farking funny. What a clever wit! Why are you slaving behind a computer instead of selling out Madison Square Garden with your stand-up act every night you farking turd?"

Me: (gritting my teeth) "Oh really? Mine's Fred." (I then hate myself for playing along with this asshole.)

Customer: "Where do I find the computer name? Oh here it is. 'Dell.' "

Me: (pulling my farking hair out) "No, that's the brand. I need the name we gave it. It should be there on your desktop wallpaper or on the sticker on the top of the tower."

Customer: "It's not on my desktop screen. And there is no sticker."

Me: "Oh? What's on your desktop screen?"

Customer: "My email."

Me: (slamming my head on the desk) "No, that's not your desktop wallpaper. Minimize all your open programs and tell me what you see in the lower right hand corner of the screen."

Customer: "Oh! Look at that. It says Computer name......."



Several times a week. And they almost always call their computer Bob. What the fark?

I avoid such issues by using an automated inventory system that enables me to search user names and retrieve a list of computers that they have recently accessed.


Our enterprise programmers set up a system that. if a call is placed from the call center floor or from a known user extention, the system pops computer name into a call staging program as soon as the call is picked up. Other info like service tags, project info, and call histories just magically appear and can be used to autogenerate a ticket if the help desk would like, or a different button can be used to pull up that machines open tickets, or pull a current screen shot from the targe ...


And how is searching AD more accurate or efficient than having correct, verifyable information provided by the system without even having to ask for it?

/ I think you might be the one creating the stereotype of arrogant fools in IT.
// Im guessing you read about active directory in your MIS 333 book and havent quite used it yet in the real world. am I right? How did I know that? IT people with jobs learn very quickly that they arent smarter than everyone else and cant possibly know everything.
 
2012-09-14 06:56:37 AM  

Zotfripper: I'll just leave this here.


Hey, my name is george, so im havening a kick out of this!
 
2012-09-14 07:07:36 AM  
IT people: Don't talk to me like I'm a retard just because I don't know how to do your job. You couldn't do the on-computer part of my job without years of training. And with your poor interpersonal skills, you couldn't do my job at all.
 
2012-09-14 07:26:29 AM  
The calls that I get that I also dread are the ones that start saying that my PC Tech already did something to their machine. She makes George from The Chronicles of George look like a tech genius.

For example:
I can't print... I adjusted your screen resolution
I can't access a web page... you're not signed into your computer
 
2012-09-14 07:35:18 AM  

bingethinker: IT people: Don't talk to me like I'm a retard just because I don't know how to do your job. You couldn't do the on-computer part of my job without years of training. And with your poor interpersonal skills, you couldn't do my job at all.


There's a difference between talking to you like you're a retard and talking to everyone using the lowest common denominator. Person A may understand may understand what malware is, while person B will get upset and angry if you use any word but "virus." So IT folks generally tailor explanations to what person B will get. It's not condescension most of the time, it's just trying to be efficient so they don't need to backtrack and re-explain an issue.
 
2012-09-14 08:01:20 AM  
IT is a support function. It's a service. Working with all varieties of people comes with the territory. They even called it a "help desk."

Just remember, when IT hits a real problem, they call some other company's IT who treats them as the "idiot with a problem." It's basically a great big chain of condescending people with specific knowledge to technologies that won't exist in a little while. In theory, they will "keep up" as the years pass, but we've all worked with the older IT guys enough to know that's not really the case. They'll turn to the older technologies to fix modern problems which causes more long-term issues than it fixes. With all that going for it, would you expect to find a lot of intelligent people applying themselves there? Not at all, but even the middle of the bell curve wants to feel intelligent.

If a hair stylist treated you the way many IT people treat others, you wouldn't go back. IT departments are already being outsourced by many companies. It tends to give them better service. It's how they compete in a service field. It's something to think keep in mind the next time a coworker asks for something that seems simple.
 
2012-09-14 08:18:08 AM  

Because People in power are Stupid: Dimensio: Because People in power are Stupid: Rockstone: Well, to be fair, the IT staff at my High School was questionable.
We got free Laptops (public school), but they broke all the time. The person in charge of repair only had one solution to every problem the laptop had- reformat.
"Monitor is cracked? Reformat"
"You say the RAM is bad? Reformat"

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

(That guy needed a hammer so that he could add to his arsenal.)

Of what use would a hammer be should the technician not be a hammer person?

From an IT support perspective, you could just lay it down on a table amidst the office. Perhaps have special instructions located somewhere in the customer support script where the support personnel describe the use of a hammer and suggest it's use to someone who has a problem with their laptop. They could just be on the phone with some customer. They may use the physical device to describe it to the person they're helping and then tell them to get one. The call would almost be done at the point when they get the user to pry apart their laptop and start beating the different components with the dull end. As a final step, have them ship the broken device back to the manufacturer (Customer support level II). Within weeks the manufacturer will replace the malfunctioning device (with a surcharge) and the whole process will reset itself.


It would explain why it took so long for him to repair simple problems
/ The dell tech guys would go on site and repair the laptop... usually
 
2012-09-14 08:18:15 AM  

puppetmaster745: I have been thinking about doing data recovery and side repair jobs. What's the protocol if you find pron of the underage nature?


FBI, immediately. No exceptions. If you're my friend, and I find kid prawns on your machine that you asked me to fix for you, you're no longer my friend. I'm not talking about a picture of someone who might be 17, I'm talking about seeing something where I immediately say "hey, that's a kid".

I'll tell a really, really farked-up story sometime about finding CP on a laptop. Just don't have it in me this morning.
 
2012-09-14 08:33:21 AM  

Silvyrbug: I do online support for a known ISP. Basically our customers call in for support, the only restrictions are 1--we must be able to connect to the customers computer with a hardline, and 2--we cant work on the LAN drivers

(cust calling in because they need to connect their laptop to the wifi)
me: Sir, can you connect your laptop to the router with a network cable?
cust ; Oh its connected...
me: excellent, open up internet explorer please
cust: but i dont have an internet connection
me: even with your laptop connected to the router with a cable?
cust: its wireless, it doesnt need a cable
(facepalm)

or going thru 30 minutes of getting remotely connected to customer, checking the router and computer, only to find the wifi switch is off, then arguing for 30 minutes with said customer about the existence of a wifi switch, only to hear 20 minutes later, 'oh whats this button do?' then see the graphic on the screen as the wifi suddenly oes on, and the laptop "magically" connects 

just the other night i had gone through 45 minutes of a customer troubleshooting as the cal progressed, i found the customer really had no idea what i meant by instructions like:

right click
drag and drop
hit the "enter"key (no lie)
open your browser
close your browser
reboot


im convinced most people shouldnt own a PC, shouldnt own a smartphone, and should just have 2 cans on a string, or bang 2 rocks togeter


If you were my ISP I'd promptly tell you to kiss my ass if you think I'm allowing you access to my PC.


When you walk a 70 year old woman through installing USB drivers for a cable modem on a Windows 95 machine, I'll feel pity.
 
2012-09-14 09:00:58 AM  
"I can't see anything on my monitor!"

/pushes 'on' button on monitor
 
2012-09-14 09:18:29 AM  

bingethinker: IT people: Don't talk to me like I'm a retard just because I don't know how to do your job. You couldn't do the on-computer part of my job without years of training. And with your poor interpersonal skills, you couldn't do my job at all.


Oh binge. We don't think you're retarded. We think you're an asshole.
 
2012-09-14 09:20:11 AM  
Wow. This thread got really nasty after all the users got home.

To the people biatching about condescending IT personnel, look at your own posts herein and maybe you'll see where the real problem lies.
 
2012-09-14 09:24:12 AM  

dramboxf: I cannot believe the left out the utter classic!

Is the Internet down?


Someone recently asked me if the servers were down because her keyboard wasn't working.

/picard-facepalm.jpg
 
2012-09-14 10:02:23 AM  

dramboxf: I cannot believe the left out the utter classic!

Is the Internet down?


I work for an ISP supporting business customers. Used to get that one a couple times a week.

Them: the Internet is down.
Me: no it's not.
Them: yes it is.
Me: No it's not.
Them: yes it is.
Me: no it's not. your connection to the internet is down, but the Internet is up.

Oh, on when I used to work on static DSL I always got some useless consultant on a phone in his car three or four states away from his client.
Consultant: I got a site down at (location). you guys need to check your gear again.
Me: okay. well, I see the modem trained and I can ping from a route server.
Consultant: must be a routing issue farther upstream. check (something he read but doesn't know what he is talking about).
Me: hold on, I'll call the site.
Me: (talking to the site) can you ping (gateway ip on customer owned router)(walks site contact thru pinging said ip)
Site: it says connection timed out.
Me: okay.
Site: wait, it says connection timed out again.
Me: that's fine. What it looks like is...
Site: connection timed out again.
Me: fine, it will do that one more time.
Site: okay... connection timed out.
Me: reboot your router.
Site: where is it? consultant, where is my router.
Consultant: uh.... should be back in the ....
Me: you know where the phone system is?
etc. etc. etc.
at the end of the call I tell the customer to call (HD number) for support and carry on conversation as if the consultant is not on the line and make reference to the fact the consultant just got paid to do what you and I fixed without consultant lifting a finger to assist.

Another good one from our customers in the lower southeast part of the country:
"we ain't got not computers!"

insert gun in mouth, pull trigger.
 
2012-09-14 10:13:31 AM  

Hiro Nakamura: I guarantee that a maintenance pilot isnt going to belittle and criticize a pilot that can't diagnose a problem with a component he's barely aware exists, let alone isnt qualified to maintain.


I see you've never read any aircraft maintenance reports. They're hilarious.

Everyone in the service industry makes fun of the people they have to serve. It's the nature of the beast. You are not special.
 
2012-09-14 10:35:24 AM  

Gonz: puppetmaster745: I have been thinking about doing data recovery and side repair jobs. What's the protocol if you find pron of the underage nature?

FBI, immediately. No exceptions. If you're my friend, and I find kid prawns on your machine that you asked me to fix for you, you're no longer my friend. I'm not talking about a picture of someone who might be 17, I'm talking about seeing something where I immediately say "hey, that's a kid".

I'll tell a really, really farked-up story sometime about finding CP on a laptop. Just don't have it in me this morning.


Try to remember to page me when you tell it. I'm sure it's not a CSB, but sounds interesting.

I was under the impression that if you are in possession in any way of said material, you are in trouble. I'm afraid of how a phone call to the FBI saying that you are in possession of a PC with CP on it would turn out.

There was a news story out a couple of years ago IIRC about someone getting in trouble after reporting unknowingly getting CP in a torrent. I'm afraid to even do the google search to find the story.

I should emphasize that this is not something that I am having to deal with right now, this is just a hypothetical.
 
2012-09-14 10:42:43 AM  

puppetmaster745: Gonz: puppetmaster745: I have been thinking about doing data recovery and side repair jobs. What's the protocol if you find pron of the underage nature?

FBI, immediately. No exceptions. If you're my friend, and I find kid prawns on your machine that you asked me to fix for you, you're no longer my friend. I'm not talking about a picture of someone who might be 17, I'm talking about seeing something where I immediately say "hey, that's a kid".

I'll tell a really, really farked-up story sometime about finding CP on a laptop. Just don't have it in me this morning.

Try to remember to page me when you tell it. I'm sure it's not a CSB, but sounds interesting.

I was under the impression that if you are in possession in any way of said material, you are in trouble. I'm afraid of how a phone call to the FBI saying that you are in possession of a PC with CP on it would turn out.

There was a news story out a couple of years ago IIRC about someone getting in trouble after reporting unknowingly getting CP in a torrent. I'm afraid to even do the google search to find the story.

I should emphasize that this is not something that I am having to deal with right now, this is just a hypothetical.


I would imagine that if you are not the owner of the system that has the stuff on it, it would not be you that gets into trouble.

Tech Guy: Hello, FBI? I was repairing this persons' computer and I noticed some pictures that appear to be child pornography. What do I do?

FBI: This is very serious. Please surrender the system at [Location] and provide details about computer's owner.

Tech Guy should be getting a medal for turning that shiat in.

If you download it in a torrent, I'm not sure how that works out. The assumption is you weren't attempting to willingly download CP, so you don't have a motive. However, they might end up getting you on something else. Like trying to download the Hurt Locker and getting a GB of child porn instead.
 
2012-09-14 10:50:48 AM  
This is cliche as hell, but this actually happened to me.

Was the unofficial IT guy in an office of about 100 people. IT wasn't my job, I was a salesperson, but any time someone had a computer problem or someone needed to talk to the real IT folks in the main office, they would call me in.

I got called across the building to check out a computer that was running, but nothing was on the monitor. Yeah, the monitor was turned off.
 
2012-09-14 10:53:06 AM  

Villemus Fortis: Them: the Internet is down.
Me: no it's not.
Them: yes it is.
Me: No it's not.
Them: yes it is.
Me: no it's not. your connection to the internet is down, but the Internet is up.


See, this is why you're an IT helpdesk douchebag. Zero interpersonal skills whatsoever. Of course the person isn't calling to tell you that the ENTIRE INTERNET ACROSS THE LAND is down you farking dick. Instead of debating semantics with them, why don't you just farking help them?
 
2012-09-14 10:56:39 AM  

Celerian: I would imagine that if you are not the owner of the system that has the stuff on it, it would not be you that gets into trouble.


It depends on how you define "into trouble."

CSB: I worked at a local beige-box store/repair shop many moons ago, and was the primary tech responsible for data recovery. I was privileged enough to see a lot of really creepy shiat in my time there, all of which I was contractually obligated to keep the fsck to myself. One of the other techs often let curiosity get the better of him, and would go through customers' recovered data at his leisure. Well, one day, he found some questionable material and decided it would be the upstanding thing to do to report this customer to the cops.

Local boys showed up to confiscate the machine in question, then the ABI showed up to confiscate every single piece of electronic hardware on the premises. Our company workstations? Gone. Other customers' computers? Gone. Cell phones? Gone. Entire collection of faulty hard drives, used for sourcing parts? Gone.

The owner nearly went out of business over that, and I had to go a couple of months without a paycheck. Lawsuits from customers, legal fees to defend against material found in the pool of broken hard drives, fighting for years to convince LEOs to return equipment necessary to do our work.

Hell, as far as I know, the guy never managed to get any of his company workstations returned. I always made fun of him for duplicating his electronic records with a paper filing system, but that's probably what ultimately saved his business... and his hide.
 
2012-09-14 12:46:27 PM  

Grither: douchebag.


Grither: farking dick


And this is why you get the run around all day long.
 
2012-09-14 12:48:23 PM  
Just imagine getting this request for help:

"alright, without going into too much detail, here's the situation:
I am TFing in my boxers, and sitting on a chair that has slightly spaced out planks. Suffice to say that part of me is now lodged, and any attempt to move just pinches the crap out of me.
Can't move, need advice, soonish.
Oh god it hurts."
 
2012-09-14 12:53:28 PM  

fluffy2097: And this is why you get the run around all day long.


Right, someone calling up and saying "Hey, the internet is down" and you being a purposefully obtuse, socially inept, sex-starved, pizza-faced nerd reply with "Herf derf, no it's not, durr the internet is up! Maybe you mean *your* internet is down?" definitely means it's the guy who called with the simple question who is at fault.
 
2012-09-14 12:57:37 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: I do some on the side repair jobs (mostly friends-of-friends to get a little extra spending cash), and I ALWAYS ask "Is there going to be anything I don't WANT to find (porn)?"

Answer: "No, I don't look at that stuff"

If they lied, it costs extra AND I take a screenshot of the offending item for my collection. It goes in my "Oh Internet" folder.


A Farker doesn't want to find porn? Are you a bot?
 
2012-09-14 01:00:44 PM  

fluffy2097: And this is why you get the run around all day long.


And fortunately, the IT dept at my job is manned by socially well adjusted, friendly people. That's what you get when you pay good money for them. I just find the whiners in this thread with the maturity of a 12 year old to be ridiculous.

/also, I have to be at the gym in 26 minutes
 
2012-09-14 01:06:27 PM  

Grither: Hey purposefully obtuse, socially inept, sex-starved, pizza-faced nerd! Fix my computer


You must hate yourself.
 
2012-09-14 01:44:27 PM  

Glenford: What about the moronic answers that we users get from the "help" desk? My two favourites are:

1. Hang on while I google that
2. I dunno, have you tried re-booting it?


Yeah. It's very annoying when you call with a problem and soon conclude that you know more about it than the person you're talking to.

leftteffticle: Truth.. it amuses me to no end that people think I am some kind of a superwoman, genius, or magician because I can do things for them that are extremely simple (to me) but insurmountable tasks to them. I work for a university so I'm generally dealing with a pool of PhD students and professors (which, I know, I know.. doesn't mean they're actually intelligent, but they're SmartTM) and it's basically the greatest thing when some Important Guy gushes over me for 5 minutes because I rebooted his computer and things worked again or something like that.


Professors??? Back in the 80's in college I was a lab assistant in the computer lab on campus. Once we ran the usual computer literacy class for the professors. Talk about a pack of idiots! Then to compound the problem they utterly would not listen to us lab assistants because we were mere students--never mind that every one of us on duty that day had far more knowledge than the job required.

It turned into a total farce--the totally harried teacher who was running the class at least figured out that we knew what we were talking about. Thus he would go to help someone and get a 15-second description of the problem from one of us (we had the day-to-day experience of actually seeing what mistakes caused what sort of error so we could usually say exactly what they had done wrong without actually seeing them do it) and then proceed to explain it to the teacher. Despite the fact that it was totally obvious that he was trusting our evaluation (admittedly, we spoke computerese to him, it's unlikely they would follow exactly what we were saying) yet they wouldn't even acknowledge our existence, let alone accept help from us.

Tom_Slick: The worst call I ever got was when I was working for MCI, this was in 1998, the call went like this, "Our entire network is down, nobody can find the server, the printers are all offline, and I can't get my e-mail."

My response was Oh shiat.

/A lightening strike in the night had wiped out the hub and 12 network cards. Everyone in that department got to take a 4 hour lunch that day.


My worst: "My computer is missing". The end result: Over 90% of the computer equipment in the whole place had been stolen. They took an entire pickup-load (the pickup was one of the things they stole) of stuff. Fortunately they ran out of space before taking the servers. (They *DID* take the backup tapes!)

wmoonfox: xnecron: Also, #2 is bullshiat.

Most users live in fear of a software or hardware refresh.

There were pretty much two distinct categories with my users: the people for whom an upgrade would make the least impact (finance, management, etc.) were always chomping at the bit for the latest hardware, while the people who would benefit the most from such an upgrade (developers, road techs, etc.) were utterly horrified at the notion.


Of course. We know how much work it's going to be to get everything set up the way we want it.

Gone In 26 Minutes: I've been doing this for about 10 years. Some people just need you to confirm things or push a button. After a while, you learn who knows what they're talking about by their tone and their word usage. Sometimes they DO know what they're doing, but they just can't do it because they are physically incapable of doing so without admin rights or because it's just out of their hands (ISP issues especially.)


Yup. There are a few like that. They also have that rarest of skills--the ability to accurately read to you what's on their screen.

Occam's Nailfile: Here's an idea:

When we call in with an issue, don't start with the assumption that we're completely retarded. We might actually save you time if you ask us, or allow us to tell you, the actual farking symptoms of the problem.

I know for damned sure that if I can ping-t my router, and your router, and don't drop any packets, but can't trace any farther out, the problem isn't a farking loose ethernet jack. If I can ping any external IP from a command prompt, but not any external website, the problem is not going to be solved by upgrading my farking browser. If I can surf every website in the world besides our corporate site, have cleared my caches, and the problem exists no matter what PC or device I tried to use, and no matter what network I use it from, "you must have done something" isn't a logical farking reponse! If I can't get to my website, can't get to any other websites hosted on the same shared server, but can get to every other website on earth, I can guaran-farking-tee you that the problem is not my farking network card.


And while you're at it quit the stupid script when it doesn't make sense. Quit telling me to directly connect a freshly installed XP SP0 box to the modem. He wasted an hour on this nonsense, utterly unwilling to accept anything else. When I finally proved to him that a direct connected box still failed then he actually tried to find an answer--it took 5 minutes to figure out his installer got a digit wrong in the modem's MAC address.
 
2012-09-14 02:02:52 PM  

Grither:
And fortunately, the IT dept at my job is manned by socially well adjusted, friendly people. That's what you get when you pay good money for them. I just find the whiners in this thread with the maturity of a 12 year old to be ridiculous.


I'm betting they haven't been at it long, or they're getting paid really really really well. Most IT related positions, you don't get paid enough for the levels of stupid you get.

Also, "the internet is down" etc isn't being obtuse, it's being specific. I'll offer an analogy. You bring your car in to the mechanic. He / she asks what's wrong. "No cars are working". Now, would you be at all surprised if the mechanic then pointed to all the cars on the road and pointed out that cars were, in fact, working? Well, it's the same thing. We NEED specifics in order to help. And it's not as if computers and the internet are a new thing, albeit in relative terms perhaps they are. By now, people should be able to know the difference between their internet connection and the internet as a whole.

also, I have to be at the gym in 26 minutes

I have nothing to add to this, so here is something that makes me giggle.

web.mit.edu
 
2012-09-14 02:46:49 PM  

Mr_Fabulous: Oh great, one of these threads again. Wah! I'm being paid to provide a service and some people actually need my help. Wah! I hate being actually useful, I'd rather be a snotty, entitled perpetual adolescent because I know how something works and you don't. Wah!

News flash... Everybody working in the service economy is doing something for clueless clients who probably should know better, yet don't. It's why we keep bringing home paychecks; it's why we're needed in the first place. Get over yourself.


You ever work their job? Experience the things they have to go through, the rampant block-headery that will eventually wear at the most resolute, tolerant, saintly patience? You count yourself lucky you weren't saddled with some of the greatest boneheads that others have had to suffer. I have been witness to such levels of unrepentant stupidity, that it would have made both Ghandi and Mother Teresa eat a box of kittens. And I don't even do that kind of work, but have been there to see the wanting to reach through a phone line to strangle. Get over your own self, be thankful someone recognized you can't handle the really insane things the better qualified have had to bang their brains up against, and then go stick your head in a pig. To quote Orson, "No amount of money is worth this......"
 
2012-09-14 02:50:23 PM  
if you can't handle easy freakin requests like that do not go into IT.

These are TOTAL noob helpdesk issues that you can fix in MINUTES. You should be glad to get an issue like this. You can fix it, close your ticket, and be back to farking in 5 minutes.
 
2012-09-14 02:58:04 PM  

Grither: Villemus Fortis: Them: the Internet is down.
Me: no it's not.
Them: yes it is.
Me: No it's not.
Them: yes it is.
Me: no it's not. your connection to the internet is down, but the Internet is up.

See, this is why you're an IT helpdesk douchebag.


Unfortunately he's right man...you are a dick if you take that attitude with customers (even if it's different words). And you'll be stuck in your current job until they eventually get sick of your shiat and fire you.

Don't hate the messenger man I'm just trying to help you out. I've moved from an ISP helpdesk guy back before Y2K to a systems admin nowadays. You're never going to move up past helpdesk level unless you can convince your boss your believe in the corporate propaganda....even if you have to fake it...I sure as hell know I have to fake it.
 
2012-09-14 03:27:45 PM  
I can handle stupid end users, but I can't handle stupid Tier 1 agents. It's getting a lot worse as of late with them transferring stuff to me with absolutely noting done. For the sake of the end user, I don't even bother pushing back any more and just help them out...
 
2012-09-14 03:43:56 PM  

Optimal_Illusion: Mr_Fabulous: Oh great, one of these threads again. Wah! I'm being paid to provide a service and some people actually need my help. Wah! I hate being actually useful, I'd rather be a snotty, entitled perpetual adolescent because I know how something works and you don't. Wah!

News flash... Everybody working in the service economy is doing something for clueless clients who probably should know better, yet don't. It's why we keep bringing home paychecks; it's why we're needed in the first place. Get over yourself.

You ever work their job? Experience the things they have to go through, the rampant block-headery that will eventually wear at the most resolute, tolerant, saintly patience? You count yourself lucky you weren't saddled with some of the greatest boneheads that others have had to suffer. I have been witness to such levels of unrepentant stupidity, that it would have made both Ghandi and Mother Teresa eat a box of kittens. And I don't even do that kind of work, but have been there to see the wanting to reach through a phone line to strangle. Get over your own self, be thankful someone recognized you can't handle the really insane things the better qualified have had to bang their brains up against, and then go stick your head in a pig. To quote Orson, "No amount of money is worth this......"


I did the job, and everyone complaining sounds like whiny biatches.
 
2012-09-14 04:19:20 PM  
Ok, it's time for another CST (Cool Story Tech)

Client calls in and asks if our servers are down:
Me: Not that I know of, what happens when you try to get to our website?
Him: Well, I can get to your website, but I can't log in.
Me: Let me check your account credentials... looks like everything should be ok, what error are you
getting when you try to log in?
Him: Oh, I can log in, but my personal page isn't loading.
Me: Ok, what error are you getting when you attempt to access your personal page?
Him: Erm, well, it's not the whole personal page, just my listed status, I took an exam last week and my
status hasn't been updated.
Me: Sir, as you were notified, exam results will be sent out in a few weeks, your status will be updated
then, Is there anything else I can help you with?
Him: No, I guess that's it.

/Was perfectly polite to him
//told the rest of our IT group right after
///after we all facepalmed we laughed and laughed and laughed.
 
2012-09-14 04:22:32 PM  

Girion47: I did the job, and everyone complaining sounds like whiny biatches.


I've done a lot of hiring for the job, and you sound like the guy with the BA who only got his foot in the door because he's related to a VP.
 
2012-09-14 04:46:57 PM  

wmoonfox: Girion47: I did the job, and everyone complaining sounds like whiny biatches.

I've done a lot of hiring for the job, and you sound like the guy with the BA who only got his foot in the door because he's related to a VP.


Nope, I did the job to pay for my BS so I could get away from that deathtrap of a job. So many guys there in their 40's and 50's that felt that it was a real job worth thinking of in the long term. It wasn't depressing because of the people I helped, it was depressing because of my coworkers having no ambition beyond where they were.
 
2012-09-14 09:30:29 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: Mikey1969: Because People in power are Stupid: YixilTesiphon: Because People in power are Stupid: YixilTesiphon: TsarTom: "I'm legally blind, but I'm a confident and fiercely independent woman. I'm new on this job and I DON'T want anyone thinking they made a bad hire, so don't even ask me to bring in a co-worker. I can't see my screen beyond a slight glow and have literally never worked with computers before. Now then, I'm told that our monthly reports are not uploading correctly, and that is all I know. What do I have to do to fix it?"

The call that lasted FOREVER.

Come on, you can't leave us hanging like that. Did you immediately send an email to her supervisor? What happened?

Yeah, hopefully she got fired for being handicapped. Those people have all the advantages of special parking (Damned government intervention). What business did she have calling a technical support line anyways?

I know everything I say makes you foam at the mouth with rage, but are you suggesting that they should have kept a woman who can't use a computer at this job which requires using a computer?

When I worked at a hospital in Phoenix, we had a speech pathologist who was blind. Most people who are blind need to learn how to solve things by themselves, so that when there is nobody around to help _ they are not dead in the water.


I do believe that she had to take extensive notes on a computer as part of her job. Her blindness was not the whole of what defined her career.

That being said, the idea that some technical support person from some company should try to get some blind person fired because helping them is inconvenient -is repulsive... Kinda like your worldview.

This one is a tough call... Yes, if she misrepresented herself, then she shouldn't have a job, but at the same time, disabled people have to work twice as hard to prove that they are not a liability that this woman may have just been overcompensating. She still should have had a sighted person around to help verify stuff. Just ...

Here's the deal. A speech pathologist is not an everyday sort of "schlub job". They are actually quite professional and there is more of an art to it than let's say -delivering margaritas to drunks. In fact it requires the ability to detect pathology by using your ears. Some people are better at it than others.

That being said, this person is pretty much on the "needed" level as a nurse or a physical therapist. So if that person needs specialized help with using a computer -then she should get it.

Now, if the people misrepresenting their skills with technical support can't provide support to someone because they are blind -then they should advertise it or at least display it in their contract. Otherwise, spend the farkin' time with the blind person to help them.


Two jobs ago I supported a userbase that had two completely blind workers. I had no problem supporting them. In fact, i found it easier to support them without remoting into their systems and just verbally walk them through what I needed them to do. The used something called Jaws that audibly read what was on the screen and some kind of tactile feedback mice that let them feel the edges of the windows. It was always a little funny as I listen to them entering in their passwords over the phone as everybody around them could hear it going into the dialog box. They were also pleasant to work with. It just takes patience and empathy.

Now the hearing impaired workers... They were real aholes but everybody still got supported. It's just a job.
 
2012-09-16 04:51:37 AM  

Babwa Wawa: UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve

Yeah, this is just a sysadmin biatch list. You want to know what I dread? "The data center's on fire".


I've actually had THAT call (or something similar).

Two guys with JCB's went through both of the grid feeds. The relay to control the battery backup went spastic and started flipping between the two packs and as the packs had power it never failed over to the generators.

A whole data centre dead. That one was FUN.
 
2012-09-16 07:50:50 AM  

Vaneshi: Babwa Wawa: UberDave: I can see those as annoying but are they really that big of a deal? Most are simple to solve. The calls that should be "dreaded" are the ones that are legitimate but they can't solve

Yeah, this is just a sysadmin biatch list. You want to know what I dread? "The data center's on fire".

I've actually had THAT call (or something similar).

Two guys with JCB's went through both of the grid feeds. The relay to control the battery backup went spastic and started flipping between the two packs and as the packs had power it never failed over to the generators.

A whole data centre dead. That one was FUN.


I used to run a data center for the military, and we'd have to give tours. An air force colonel hit the EPO one day because he figured he'd drill us on an emergency.

What an asshole.
 
2012-09-16 04:19:06 PM  

Babwa Wawa: I used to run a data center for the military, and we'd have to give tours. An air force colonel hit the EPO one day because he figured he'd drill us on an emergency.

What an asshole.


Oh, wow. I'm pretty sure that would result in jail time at my current position.
 
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