FARK.com: (7324539) Couple accused of shoplifting two fishing rods, a fishing book, a postcard, a paper cutter, a license holder, Fritos bean dip, pink jeans, a blouse, a keychain lanyard, nail polish, two rubber magnets, four photo magnets, and binder clips

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		Couple accused of shoplifting two fishing rods, a fishing book, a postcard, a paper cutter, a license holder, Fritos bean dip, pink jeans, a blouse, a keychain lanyard, nail polish, two rubber magnets, four photo magnets, and binder clips (nwfdailynews.com)		41
		More: Florida, Wal-Mart, binder clip

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2767 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Sep 2012 at 5:28 AM | Favorite | share:

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Treygreen13		2012-09-13 02:02:47 AM

Finally, some reasonable thefts.

Durendal		2012-09-13 02:04:43 AM

And a partridge in a pear tree.

Shadow Blasko		2012-09-13 02:05:13 AM

Slim Pickens...

Vegas... etc

RedPhoenix122		2012-09-13 02:29:39 AM

Someone entirely missed the point of a scavenger hunt.

This About That		2012-09-13 02:42:08 AM

Sounds like a case of eclectomania.

KrispyKritter		2012-09-13 05:37:34 AM

if you're not going to pay, rob Kohl's, Target or some other department store that is considered upscale. they should have nicer quality goods.

fusillade762		2012-09-13 05:39:22 AM

I hung out with some kids in high school who went on a spree one night. They stole candy bars, magazines, beer and a whole tub of beef jerky.

maxheck		2012-09-13 05:39:42 AM

"A fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that..."

Lukeonia1		2012-09-13 05:41:15 AM

Were they caught in the vicinity of a liquor store, trying to decide how best to sneak out a case of beer?

Perhaps they were apprehended while casing boats at the local pier.

sobernutz		2012-09-13 05:45:53 AM

KrispyKritter: if you're not going to pay, rob Kohl's, Target or some other department store that is considered upscale. they should have nicer quality goods.

Eh.....Kohls is not all that.

JonnyBGoode		2012-09-13 05:50:08 AM

One of the alleged shoplifters:

hollywoodhatesme.files.wordpress.com

Cheron		2012-09-13 06:11:12 AM

four fried chickens and a coke

TheVeryDeadIanMartin		2012-09-13 06:55:38 AM

For some reason that description reminds me of Dr Seuss.

KrispyKritter		2012-09-13 06:57:49 AM

sobernutz: KrispyKritter: if you're not going to pay, rob Kohl's, Target or some other department store that is considered upscale. they should have nicer quality goods.

Eh.....Kohls is not all that.

i've never been, just heard about them. went to a Target's once, scared the hell out of me. very large, well lit, clean, lots of inventory. people everywhere. ack! i like buying on the internet as much as possible. too many people in public places.

probesport		2012-09-13 07:00:06 AM

I've been caught stealing once
When I was five

Hoopy Frood		2012-09-13 07:37:22 AM

Cheron: four fried chickens and a coke

And some dry white toast, please.

dryknife		2012-09-13 07:56:58 AM

Paper cutter?

To Gitmo with them, stat.

pearls before swine		2012-09-13 08:01:17 AM

I don't know what you have planned for tonight, but you can count me out.

sobernutz		2012-09-13 08:06:56 AM

KrispyKritter: sobernutz: KrispyKritter: if you're not going to pay, rob Kohl's, Target or some other department store that is considered upscale. they should have nicer quality goods.

Eh.....Kohls is not all that.

i've never been, just heard about them. went to a Target's once, scared the hell out of me. very large, well lit, clean, lots of inventory. people everywhere. ack! i like buying on the internet as much as possible. too many people in public places.

Used to do loss prevention for them. It never seemed to amaze me why people would choose to steal from them. The quality was not that great.

probesport		2012-09-13 08:19:17 AM

KrispyKritter: if you're not going to pay, rob Kohl's, Target or some other department store that is considered upscale. they should have nicer quality goods.

Put on your Sunday best kids we are going to Kohls!

Rev. Creflo Baller		2012-09-13 08:22:25 AM

Old Harper? Illegal fireworks?

TommyDeuce		2012-09-13 08:24:47 AM

Wow, I want to party with them!

Premeditated_Road_Rage		2012-09-13 08:59:25 AM

I blame video games for their behavior - I mean games like Monkey Island and its ilk pretty much taught us that random kleptomania was not only 'okay', but often a necessity to get the job done.

titwrench		2012-09-13 09:07:21 AM

probesport: I've been caught stealing once
When I was five

Do you enjoy stealing?

monoski		2012-09-13 09:14:59 AM

My sister in-law had a teenage niece who stole $120 from her mom, went to Walmart and bought a sleeping bag and those little lunchable kits then ran away for a week. Came back preggers. Should have bought condoms too...

Flashfyr3		2012-09-13 09:22:17 AM

Thus putting an immediate halt to the best Rube Goldberg Florida would have ever known...

Rhames		2012-09-13 09:59:49 AM

Macgruber!

AppleChill		2012-09-13 10:24:13 AM

We got sixteen dollars and a can of STP
Big ol' jar of cashew nuts and a Japanese TV
Thinking we had pulled the biggest heist of our career
We're wanted men, we'll strike again, but first let's have a beer

Clemkadidlefark		2012-09-13 10:52:29 AM

They work for CBS

bmfderek		2012-09-13 10:53:07 AM

Shoot, a feller could have a pretty good weekend in ~~Vegas~~ Biloxi with with all that stuff.

AngryJailhouseFistfark		2012-09-13 10:59:18 AM

No paddle-ball game? What about a remote control? A lamp?

GranoblasticMan		2012-09-13 11:01:53 AM

JonnyBGoode: One of the alleged shoplifters:

[hollywoodhatesme.files.wordpress.com image 280x390]

OH SHIAT! They were building a WMD?

WarszawaScream		2012-09-13 11:25:41 AM

Sounds like all the equipment for one of my normal weekends. Just need a few cases of beer and some KY.

JonnyBGoode: One of the alleged shoplifters:

[hollywoodhatesme.files.wordpress.com image 280x390]

Beat me to it.

hawtnurse		2012-09-13 11:31:51 AM

all they're missing are prescription pills and some rubber sheets

BrianGriffin		2012-09-13 11:54:48 AM

You forgot the condoms.
i94.photobucket.com

LouisZepher		2012-09-13 12:10:50 PM

Shadow Blasko: Slim Pickens...

Vegas... etc

CFT, done in three.

McGrits		2012-09-13 12:29:26 PM

Come on Fark! Did nobody nobody grow up a poor black man?

www.jennymacbeth.com

/pic hot like that awesome job with the circus

highendmighty		2012-09-13 01:44:06 PM

Did they shoot the clerk?

Isildur		2012-09-13 02:07:40 PM

Premeditated_Road_Rage: I blame video games for their behavior - I mean games like Monkey Island and its ilk pretty much taught us that random kleptomania was not only 'okay', but often a necessity to get the job done.

If it rings a bell, can someone remind me where I saw the comic strip with some NPCs horrified that every jar in their ransacked house has been smashed, and even the bushes in front of the house have been savagely destroyed by some maniac looking for rupees hidden there?

The closest I could find right now is this (Not sure where that's originally from either-- I found it on that farking comic-stealing "Funny Junk" website, without any apparent attribution)

AngryJailhouseFistfark		2012-09-13 02:23:33 PM

McGrits: Come on Fark! Did nobody nobody grow up a poor black man?

[www.jennymacbeth.com image 275x480]

/pic hot like that awesome job with the circus

Yeah, I did, way up higher in the threed. And I stayed this color.

Lando Lincoln		2012-09-13 04:49:33 PM

two fishing rods
a fishing book
a postcard
a paper cutter
a license holder
Fritos bean dip
pink jeans
a blouse
nail polish
a keychain lanyard
two rubber magnets
four photo magnets
binder clips

Okay, let's see here...

They wanted to go on a fishing trip, but their old fishing poles were broken. And their last fishing trip wasn't very successful. And they thought that it would be a good idea to write home on their trip. But they didn't have enough in postage to send a full-size postcard. And they'd need something to hold their fishing licenses in. And they might get hungry while fishing. And the girl wanted something to wear when they went out to eat on their trip. And she wanted to get a bit dolled up. They wanted to make sure that they didn't lose the boat keys in the lake again. But if they DID lose the keys in the lake, they'd have something to retrieve the keys with. And they needed something to hang the pictures of their trip on the fridge once they got home.

BUT WHAT WERE THE BINDER CLIPS FOR? THAT MAKES NO SENSE!

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