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(Wired)   Ten more reasons why there won't ever be an Aquaman movie, bringing the total number of reasons to 8792   (wired.com ) divider line
    More: Obvious, Aquaman, total numbering, Adrian Grenier, Vincent Chase, harpoons, Waterworld  
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3932 clicks; posted to Geek » on 13 Sep 2012 at 4:49 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



40 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-09-13 12:23:40 AM  
They'll get around to it eventually. They just won't call it Aquaman.

www.pandoracon.com
 
2012-09-13 01:34:37 AM  
Until the Aquaman movie, we'll always have the Rousing Song of Heroism.
 
2012-09-13 03:42:31 AM  
Aquaman rocks. Riding whales and commanding an army of sharks? Hell yeah. I'd go see that.
 
2012-09-13 04:57:13 AM  
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-09-13 05:02:43 AM  
OUTRAGEOUS!!!
 
2012-09-13 05:20:37 AM  
#4 should have been #1:

4. Warner Bros. only really cares about Batman and Superman.

In fact, it should be the only item on the list.

It is also why there will never be a decent live-action JLA movie.
 
2012-09-13 05:26:41 AM  

unyon: Aquaman rocks. Riding whales and commanding an army of sharks? Hell yeah. I'd go see that.


I agree. I much rather go see a unconventional super hero movie than the other played ones.
They better not leave his ass out If they make the justice league of america movie.
 
2012-09-13 05:37:48 AM  
I'd love a great JLA movie, but if it ever really does get made, it'll be a hot mess at best. Will they even have the balls to leave 'America' in the title? I get it, one's an atlantean, another's a martian, and there's still lesbo island Wonder Woman, but I'm gonna call it now.

/will they include car thief muslim Baz or Stewart for 'diversity'? that would be a hoot
//Hal Jordan ftw
/fark Kyle
 
2012-09-13 05:46:06 AM  
If they did Aquaman like he was in the Justice League Cartoon it would work, but his level of pissed off at ocean pollution might ruffle too many feathers.

narkor: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 500x408]


^ this is why he is awesome
 
2012-09-13 05:52:10 AM  
1) there is no way he'd get the money required for all those underwater effects. We're talking Waterworld money

Waterworld went over budget because they actually were stupid enough to shoot in the real ocean. They wouldn't do that with Aquaman

2. James Cameron already directed a fake Aquaman movie.
Speaking about big time directors, Cameron already directed Aquaman starring Adrien Grenier's fictional Vincent Chase in HBO's Entourage.


That's retarded.

3. Arthur Curry already hangs out in Smallville.

Alan Ritchson did a pretty good job of playing the younger version of Aquaman on the small screen, so why would Warner muck it up with casting someone different in the big screen version?


Like how they recast the guy who played Clark Kent for 9 years...twice?

4. Warner Bros. only really cares about Batman and Superman.

That's why they spent a shiatton of money on the Green Lantern movie tried to make another Wonder Woman tv show and announced a JLA movie.

....and the list just goes downhill from there. I couldn't give a rat's ass about Aquaman but retarded article is retarded.
 
2012-09-13 06:15:33 AM  

robohobo: I'd love a great JLA movie, but if it ever really does get made, it'll be a hot mess at best. Will they even have the balls to leave 'America' in the title? I get it, one's an atlantean, another's a martian, and there's still lesbo island Wonder Woman, but I'm gonna call it now.

/will they include car thief muslim Baz or Stewart for 'diversity'? that would be a hoot
//Hal Jordan ftw
/fark Kyle


that's what i never understood about SuperMan. he's not a man, he's an alien from another planet. it doesn't make sense that he resembles a human being.
 
2012-09-13 06:27:20 AM  

KrispyKritter: robohobo: I'd love a great JLA movie, but if it ever really does get made, it'll be a hot mess at best. Will they even have the balls to leave 'America' in the title? I get it, one's an atlantean, another's a martian, and there's still lesbo island Wonder Woman, but I'm gonna call it now.

/will they include car thief muslim Baz or Stewart for 'diversity'? that would be a hoot
//Hal Jordan ftw
/fark Kyle

that's what i never understood about SuperMan. he's not a man, he's an alien from another planet. it doesn't make sense that he resembles a human being.


It's been addressed, pre-new 52. Kinda like star trek,, planets seeded with life blah blah biddy blah.
 
2012-09-13 07:17:37 AM  

Nina_Hartley's_Ass: They'll get around to it eventually. They just won't call it Aquaman.


Man From Atlantis was far more successful than any attempt to adapt Aquaman but it still didn't last despite having good appeal and a good lead actor. If anything it shows that no matter what you do, the basic idea of a mer-man superhero doesn't have legs beyond a supporting role in in a larger universe of superheroes. Maybe it could work as a fantasy romantic comedy like Splash but it's just hard to imagine it being cool like Iron Man.
 
2012-09-13 07:25:01 AM  
namtab.com
 
2012-09-13 07:28:51 AM  
 
2012-09-13 07:40:14 AM  

KrispyKritter: that's what i never understood about SuperMan. he's not a man, he's an alien from another planet. it doesn't make sense that he resembles a human being.


So no aliens can look like humans now? There goes most of sci-fi.
 
2012-09-13 07:59:05 AM  
5. Aquaman was brooding, troubled by his heritage and once had a harpoon for a hand.

www.wearysloth.com

Sailor please.
 
2012-09-13 08:38:31 AM  
www.bobtheartist.com
 
2012-09-13 08:45:07 AM  
Has anyone else seen the awesome Aquaman pilot from the late 70's/early 80's? Not quite sure exactly when it was made. Pretty sure it was pre-Legends of the Superheroes, which I *think* was '79. Anyway, I have it on vhs, which I really should digitize, or piratebay it. Amusing stuff. Along with the Yvonne Craig Batgirl pilot, and Dan Pool's Spider-Man movie.
 
2012-09-13 08:49:48 AM  
Superman Aquaman Hour of Adventure on CBS from 1967. He had top billing for one whole year.

During the dark rule of Paul Levitz, Aquaman also had a water hand that kept his butt very clean.
 
2012-09-13 09:13:59 AM  
When the movie does happen, this is what the plot will be:

Act I: Something happens that results in Aquaman being banished from the Sea.
Act II: Aquaman arrives in NYC. It's a strange place. He's a fish out of water. He meats a girl, falls in love. She notices that he has some kind of ability to talk to sea animals. By the end of the act Aquaman has become a better person.
Act III: Bad guy attacks NYC. The act begins with a 200ft title wave approaching the Statue of Liberty, casting a shadow over it.

/the plots to all of these films are the same.
 
2012-09-13 09:20:59 AM  

thornhill: : Aquaman arrives in NYC. It's a strange place. He's a fish out of water. He meats a girl, falls in love. .


lol.


I quite liked In JLA Year One, J'onn helping Arthur practicing his English, even though it ran counter to Arthur's earlier AND later origins of living on land for a bit with his lighthouse keeper father.

/chok-o-lit
 
2012-09-13 09:26:27 AM  

robohobo: thornhill: : Aquaman arrives in NYC. It's a strange place. He's a fish out of water. He meats a girl, falls in love. .

lol.


Yeah, that's the plot of a porn flick.
 
2012-09-13 09:29:22 AM  

Nina_Hartley's_Ass: They'll get around to it eventually. They just won't call it Aquaman.




images3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2012-09-13 09:33:36 AM  
I thought Aquaman was pretty lame until some farker posted a few pages from the New 52 reboot. He has a self deprecating sense of humor realizes he is a joke to many people and still saves the day.
 
2012-09-13 09:36:10 AM  

Nina_Hartley's_Ass: They'll get around to it eventually. They just won't call it Aquaman.

[www.pandoracon.com image 304x368]


WB does seem rather ashamed of it's superhero base. Smallville. Arrow. Dark Knight blah blah. Man of Steel. Surprised GL wasn't called Jade Light Guy. WW will probably be Amazon, or Strong Female Femnist.
 
2012-09-13 09:42:40 AM  

narkor: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 500x408]


Only in a Derlethian's wet dream.
 
2012-09-13 10:10:15 AM  
I'm probably late to the party I figure, but I just got Aquaman The Trench" and thought it was pretty good. Does a good job at addressing how most people think he's a joke, in addition to giving him adequate reason to be awesome.
 
2012-09-13 10:39:31 AM  
I hate that #6 argument. Is it so unfeasible to think that they could do an entire movie in the ocean? The ocean is farking huge. and thats just the surface.
 
2012-09-13 10:53:03 AM  

TheOriginalEd: I hate that #6 argument. Is it so unfeasible to think that they could do an entire movie in the ocean? The ocean is farking huge. and thats just the surface.


Very few people live IN it.

And outside of flooding coastal cities or blowing up oil derricks - there isn't much destruction to cause.
 
2012-09-13 11:11:27 AM  

narkor: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 500x408]


If I ever rebooted Aquaman's origin. I'd use this. King of the sea? NO! Warden to the Terror's of the Deep. Handed down by Poseidon himself.
 
2012-09-13 11:31:06 AM  

Carth: I thought Aquaman was pretty lame until some farker posted a few pages from the New 52 reboot. He has a self deprecating sense of humor realizes he is a joke to many people and still saves the day.


^^^THIS

I never thought Aquaman would be a viable movie property until I read the 52 reboot.

The initial storyline about nobody taking Aquaman seriously, together with the "cannibals from the Trench" sub-plot, would make a fantastic movie.
 
2012-09-13 12:23:47 PM  
The DC direct-to-Netflix movie Crisis on Two Earths handled Aquaman perfectly. Here's how it went down.

Scene: the JLA satellite. A bunch of evil-universe clones of Captain Marvel have just zipped over to our universe to start busting up the joint. Batman teleports in some backup JLA muscle, including Aquaman, to fight them.

Batman: "Be careful, Aquaman! He's stronger than you!"

(This is completely obvious. Captain Marvel would wipe the floor with Aquaman underwater, much less on a space station.)

Aquaman: "That remains to be seen!"

An inconclusive fight ensues.

...aaaaaaaaaaaaand that's it for Aquaman, for that movie.

Final score:

Cameo appearance by mainstay JLA member Aquaman: check.
Aquaman's utter uselessness lampshaded: check.
Avoiding directly insulting audience's intelligence: check.
Meaningless plot twist where everything hangs on someone being able to speak Seahorse averted: check.

Good work all around.
 
2012-09-13 01:43:03 PM  

madgonad: TheOriginalEd: I hate that #6 argument. Is it so unfeasible to think that they could do an entire movie in the ocean? The ocean is farking huge. and thats just the surface.

Very few people live IN it.

And outside of flooding coastal cities or blowing up oil derricks - there isn't much destruction to cause.


Or a lake, or a fjord, or an inlet
 
2012-09-13 01:44:08 PM  
An Aquaman movie might work as in crossover story for a Star Wars preprequel, in which he has to deal with Gungans...
 
2012-09-13 02:44:24 PM  
With some tweaking, Aquaman as Kevin Costner's character in Waterworld would work. Although I guess he wouldn't need a boat to start out with but he could meet the humans some other way.
 
2012-09-13 02:47:38 PM  
Anyway, the tool who wrote this article is missing one important element. There is a Justice League movie coming and most of the heroes in JLA are lame so Aquaman is going to be there somewhere by default. And if they follow the Avengers model, Aquaman will get his own movie set up.

I mean as a premise for a superhero I don't see how Aquaman is goofier than Thor.
 
2012-09-13 06:46:42 PM  

Tentacle: An Aquaman movie might work as in crossover story for a Star Wars preprequel, in which he has to deal with Gungans...


Aquaman slaughtering Gungans? I could get behind that.
 
2012-09-13 10:57:36 PM  
Because People in power are Stupid:

Came here for this.

/hot like Ari's wife.
 
2012-09-14 03:01:05 AM  

Fano: Or a lake, or a fjord, or an inlet


encrypted-tbn1.google.com
 
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