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(The Consumerist)   Dear Consumerist, I took my daughter to fright fest at Six Flags where lo and behold, she got scared. Isn't the distress I felt comparable in severity, if not in scope to the Cambodian killing fields?   (consumerist.com) divider line 112
    More: Interesting, six flags, Too Far, Fright Night, Halloween, suffering, Six Flags Great America, orbits, characters  
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15090 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Sep 2012 at 4:41 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-12 01:40:22 PM  
"I used to have a recurring nightmare where a person dressed in a giant dog suit was pursuing me..."

Isn't there a TV show about that now?
 
2012-09-12 02:01:00 PM  
i have been to fright fest there many time over the last decade and i can tell you that THIS IS WHAT GOES ON during fright fest? If you cant handle getting the crap scared out of you maybe you shouldn't be going to fright fest. Jeeze cmon
 
2012-09-12 02:09:11 PM  
Why the fark would you take a 6 year old to fright fest? I know it's your weekend and all, but do you have to prove to the whole world how much a failure as a father you are?
 
2012-09-12 02:11:35 PM  
**correction: looks like her age wasn't revealed.
 
2012-09-12 04:07:30 PM  
Dear Consumerist: I accidentally got my iPhone stuck up my ass. Can I sue Steve Job's estate for this?
 
2012-09-12 04:11:19 PM  
I see the problem. The father thought it was Puppies and Ice Cream Fest.
 
2012-09-12 04:34:29 PM  
www.thedailyferg.com

"No it's not! Come see us again!"
 
2012-09-12 04:44:32 PM  
Meh. I've seen scarier things go into Wal-mart at 4am
 
2012-09-12 04:44:47 PM  

Voiceofreason01: "I used to have a recurring nightmare where a person dressed in a giant dog suit was pursuing me..."

Isn't there a TV show about that now?


Indeed.

www.seat42f.com
 
2012-09-12 04:45:07 PM  
Dear Consumerist,

I keep pouring sand down my pants but my vag is still full of sand. What should I do?

Sum Beotch
 
2012-09-12 04:45:18 PM  

The_Knarf: i have been to fright fest there many time over the last decade and i can tell you that THIS IS WHAT GOES ON during fright fest? If you cant handle getting the crap scared out of you maybe you shouldn't be going to fright fest. Jeeze cmon


If only there was some way to help alert people as to what was going to happen.
 
2012-09-12 04:45:56 PM  

DanZero: [www.thedailyferg.com image 309x400]

"No it's not! Come see us again!"


Oppan Gangnam style?
 
2012-09-12 04:46:14 PM  
Dear Consumerist: Please stop posting these bogus letters from people too stupid to realize that if your child needs her daddy to take her to Fright Fest she is TOO YOUNG TO BE AT FRIGHT FEST.
 
2012-09-12 04:47:50 PM  
So Consumerist has decided to just purely go with link-baiting now? Why bother with real content, right?
 
2012-09-12 04:48:39 PM  
I wonder who's going to get tired of Consumerist shiat-posts, its own commenters or Fark?
 
2012-09-12 04:49:05 PM  
Sucks that he's going to ruin Fright Fest for everyone else.
 
2012-09-12 04:49:17 PM  
I would like to propose a new Fark rule.

You only get 1/10th of a "Greenlight" if it's a Consumerist link.

/fish in a barrel apparently.
//DNRTFA
///Entitled twat, stupid biatch, yada yada yada
 
2012-09-12 04:50:47 PM  
I'm wondering if the consumerist is just making these up now
 
2012-09-12 04:50:48 PM  
I love this new Consumerist headline meme
 
2012-09-12 04:51:18 PM  
FTFA: I used to have a recurring nightmare where a person dressed in a giant dog suit was pursuing me down the aisles of the convenience store near where my grandmother lived, and let me tell you, it was horrifying.

1.bp.blogspot.com

/It was a dog suit in the book.
 
2012-09-12 04:51:55 PM  
It sucks to hear how far the event has gone down.

Total disclosure: I worked as a member of the Creature Crew at Fright Fest at Six Flags Great America for 12 years. For those of you who attended, I was "Beef the Troll." This was me:

hostmypicture.com

Fright Fest used to be a great event when it was put on by JPM, a production company out of Atlanta. Hands-down, it was the best "haunted theme park" concept anywhere. The performers, makeup, costumes and shows were professional, and absolutely top-notch. In addition, we all received extensive training regarding what we were and were not allowed to do in order to provide a safe, successful, but still SCARY event that entertained countless park guests.

The end result was a Halloween show like nothing else. People came from hours in every direction, and Six Flags put up their biggest numbers of the year. It was awesome. There's nothing like being one of the star attractions at the biggest month-long Halloween event in the country with 30,000 of your closest friends a night.

Then Six Flags took a dump on it.

A year or two ago, Six Flags figured they'd save a few bucks, and put it on by themselves. After 20 successful seasons, just like that, they killed the golden goose. Everyone hated it. Attendance plummeted. Word-of-mouth was abysmal. Not surprising, since when you replace 250 of the best performers, makeup folks and costumers in the Midwest with benchwarmers who weren't good enough to make the cut the first time, you're going to wind up with a second-rate product.

It's too bad. Fright Fest used to be the highlight of my year. Made dozens of lifelong friends there. Hell, I met my WIFE there. This is us not long after we started dating about 15 years ago:

hostmypicture.com

I guess now they're paying the price for cutting corners. Jumping out of toilets? Hitting people with squirt guns? That never would've flown with experienced people running the show.

It really is better to burn out than to fade away, it seems.

/csb
 
2012-09-12 04:52:58 PM  
pretty slow newsday if she has to write about a story that happened last year.....
 
2012-09-12 04:53:38 PM  

MaxxLarge: Total disclosure: I worked as a member of the Creature Crew at Fright Fest at Six Flags Great America for 12 years. For those of you who attended, I was "Beef the Troll." This was me:


You gotta pay the troll toll, to get into this boy's soul....
 
2012-09-12 04:54:14 PM  
My theory is the Consumerist is slowly morphing into a satire site, like how the Onion use to be funny, but in this case, never funny to begin with.
 
2012-09-12 04:55:03 PM  

MaxxLarge: It sucks to hear how far the event has gone down.

Total disclosure: I worked as a member of the Creature Crew at Fright Fest at Six Flags Great America for 12 years. For those of you who attended, I was "Beef the Troll." This was me:



Fright Fest used to be a great event when it was put on by JPM, a production company out of Atlanta. Hands-down, it was the best "haunted theme park" concept anywhere. The performers, makeup, costumes and shows were professional, and absolutely top-notch. In addition, we all received extensive training regarding what we were and were not allowed to do in order to provide a safe, successful, but still SCARY event that entertained countless park guests.

The end result was a Halloween show like nothing else. People came from hours in every direction, and Six Flags put up their biggest numbers of the year. It was awesome. There's nothing like being one of the star attractions at the biggest month-long Halloween event in the country with 30,000 of your closest friends a night.

Then Six Flags took a dump on it.

A year or two ago, Six Flags figured they'd save a few bucks, and put it on by themselves. After 20 successful seasons, just like that, they killed the golden goose. Everyone hated it. Attendance plummeted. Word-of-mouth was abysmal. Not surprising, since when you replace 250 of the best performers, makeup folks and costumers in the Midwest with benchwarmers who weren't good enough to make the cut the first time, you're going to wind up with a second-rate product.

It's too bad. Fright Fest used to be the highlight of my year. Made dozens of lifelong friends there. Hell, I met my WIFE there. This is us not long after we started dating about 15 years ago:



I guess now they're paying the price for cutting corners. Jumping out of toilets? Hitting people with squirt guns? That never would've flown with experienced people running the show.

It really is better to burn out than to fade away, it seems.

/csb


Any pics of you in costume?
 
2012-09-12 04:55:04 PM  

kid_icarus: Why the fark would you take a 6 year old to fright fest? I know it's your weekend and all, but do you have to prove to the whole world how much a failure as a father you are?


There are parts of the park (any SF park holding FF) that are either scare-free zones, or are typical kiddie-Halloween. The ghouls that wander the park(to scare the adults/older kids) are NOT allowed in the kids' areas. Plus the scary stuff doesn't start up until around 6 or so (at least at the park I worked at/frequently visit). If you're that clueless that a Halloween event MIGHT POSSIBLY scare your little snowflake, maybe they shouldn't be brought to the park in the first place. In fact, SF has a bit of a rep for "weak", non-scary FF, while other parks go all in and scare the pants off ya.
 
2012-09-12 04:55:16 PM  
Ah, it looks like Consumerist threads are turning into the new FarkTV or Wampler threads.

*Grabs popcorn and watches.*
 
2012-09-12 04:55:45 PM  
Is this the new "so Sarah Palin is automatically president." meme?
 
2012-09-12 04:56:45 PM  
So you been to school for a year or two
And you know you've seen it all
In daddy's car thinkin' you'll go far
Back east your type don't crawl

It's time to taste what you most fear
Right Guard will not help you here
Brace yourself, my dear

It's a holiday in Six Flags
It's tough kid, but it's life
It's a holiday in Six Flags
Fark this guy and his wife
 
2012-09-12 04:56:47 PM  
Forget Six Flags. Busch Gardens has a kickass Halloween festival. Went last year, planning on going again this year.
 
2012-09-12 04:57:04 PM  

The_Knarf: i have been to fright fest there many time over the last decade and i can tell you that THIS IS WHAT GOES ON during fright fest? If you cant handle getting the crap scared out of you maybe you shouldn't be going to fright fest. Jeeze cmon


To be fair, this happened at a Porta-Potty, so getting the crap scared out of you might be what they were going for.
 
2012-09-12 04:57:45 PM  

Novart

I'm wondering if the consumerist is just making these up now


I've been wondering that for a little while myself. but I let it go because I enjoy the subby's snark at the end there.

Cambodian Killing fields indeed.
 
2012-09-12 04:59:28 PM  

Sargun: I love this new Consumerist headline meme


Came here to say just this.

Keep it up, guys.
 
2012-09-12 05:00:35 PM  

super_grass: I wonder who's going to get tired of Consumerist shiat-posts, its own commenters or Fark?


I'd say they're worse than cracked articles and farktv.
 
2012-09-12 05:00:50 PM  
They just went to the wrong place. Sweet Dreams and Baskets of Fuzzy Kittens Fest was right down the street.
 
2012-09-12 05:01:37 PM  

Sargun: I love this new Consumerist headline meme


Me too. I thought I was the only one who disliked most Consumerist posts. I like that they help people out on that site but I feel like the users on there are complete morons sometimes.
 
2012-09-12 05:03:08 PM  

MaxxLarge: It sucks to hear how far the event has gone down.

Total disclosure: I worked as a member of the Creature Crew at Fright Fest at Six Flags Great America for 12 years. For those of you who attended, I was "Beef the Troll." This was me:

[hostmypicture.com image 278x360]
...


That's nice, what did your costume look like?
 
2012-09-12 05:04:39 PM  

InfrasonicTom: MaxxLarge: It sucks to hear how far the event has gone down.

Total disclosure: I worked as a member of the Creature Crew at Fright Fest at Six Flags Great America for 12 years. For those of you who attended, I was "Beef the Troll." This was me:

[hostmypicture.com image 278x360]
...

That's nice, what did your costume look like?


Late, blatant post is fail...
 
2012-09-12 05:04:41 PM  

farkingismybusiness: So you been to school for a year or two
And you know you've seen it all
In daddy's car thinkin' you'll go far
Back east your type don't crawl

It's time to taste what you most fear
Right Guard will not help you here
Brace yourself, my dear

It's a holiday in Six Flags
It's tough kid, but it's life
It's a holiday in Six Flags
Fark this guy and his wife


+1
 
2012-09-12 05:07:11 PM  
They should send her an apology card full of spiders...
 
2012-09-12 05:07:15 PM  

baltimoreblonde: If you're that clueless that a Halloween event MIGHT POSSIBLY scare your little snowflake, maybe they shouldn't be brought to the park in the first place.


Easily our most frequent lament. A lot of people were MORONS.

People used to walk around all saucer-eyed, and twitchy, and we just used to HAMMER those poor schmucks. Indignantly screaming "Don't scare me!" or, "Don't scare my kid!" was the easiest way to get a lot of special attention. We really used to go for it, and punish those f*ckwits for having the audacity to make a special trip during Halloween, and then having the audacity for demanding that we NOT do our jobs.

My personal favorite was the little asshole who looked me dead in the eye and pissed himself when I told him I lived under his bed. His dad went to our security dude to demand that I be fired, and the guy just laughed in his face, and pointed at the "FRIGHT FEST" banner on the light-pole.

baltimoreblonde: In fact, SF has a bit of a rep for "weak", non-scary FF, while other parks go all in and scare the pants off ya.


It didn't used to be that way. But the pussification of America continues.
 
2012-09-12 05:09:22 PM  
I've stopped clicking on Consumerist links. I can make up pretend stories of manufactured rage to manufacture fake rage at in my own head and then high five each fictional poster as they remark on how stupid they all thought it was.
 
2012-09-12 05:14:05 PM  

MaxxLarge: It didn't used to be that way. But the pussification of America continues.


Yeah, In the old days, when we paid our 30 dollars to get scared at a wildly overpriced Theme Park, we expected to get scared, god damnit!

And then we got on the boat to Nam.

/protip: if the basis of the your claim "pussification" of America is based on a pack of theatre school drop outs being more bad ass back in the day, you might want to punch yourself right in the box.
 
2012-09-12 05:20:32 PM  

HailRobonia: MaxxLarge: Total disclosure: I worked as a member of the Creature Crew at Fright Fest at Six Flags Great America for 12 years. For those of you who attended, I was "Beef the Troll." This was me:

You gotta pay the troll toll, to get into this boy's soul....


Welcome to my favorites list!

I really less than three you for that reference.
 
2012-09-12 05:22:22 PM  

Fluorescent Testicle: FTFA: I used to have a recurring nightmare where a person dressed in a giant dog suit was pursuing me down the aisles of the convenience store near where my grandmother lived, and let me tell you, it was horrifying.



/It was a dog suit in the book.


Yep.
And...

HOLYFARKINGSCHNITTJESUSCHRISTOSAaaaaaaaaarghblabblededoopdedoo!

That book still freaks me out after all these years.
 
2012-09-12 05:24:28 PM  
Is there anyone on the Consumerist that doesn't double their coont as a sandbox?
 
2012-09-12 05:25:04 PM  
Due to the drought if you get lost in the corn maze, do not light a match.
 
2012-09-12 05:26:08 PM  

halfof33: /protip: if the basis of the your claim "pussification" of America is based on a pack of theatre school drop outs being more bad ass back in the day, you might want to punch yourself right in the box.


That's not the entire basis of it, no. It's just one more sign. Kind of like how kids wear bike helmets now. Although, that's probably a bad example, seeing as how a nice helmet might have prevented whatever the hell happened to you.

And anyway..."theatre school drop-outs?" Biatch, please. You're from Chicago, home of the best theatre scene in the country that's not in a town commonly referred to by a pair of initials. So if you don't know better than that, try crawling out of the basement once in awhile. You might surprise yourself.
 
2012-09-12 05:28:47 PM  
Dear Six Flags: Let this be a lesson. Next time go for the kill. FINISH HER!
 
2012-09-12 05:29:10 PM  
Dear Weeping Frenulum Pustule:

No, no it isn't.

Also, the most horrifying thing about the affair is you and your decision-making skills as a parent. She'll get over the port-o-let incident; you will most probably scar her for life. In an effort to reserve tickets now and beat the rush, please tell me what part of Chicago you live in, so I'll know where I can schedule my crying-stripper lapdance.

Antipathetically yours,
Mr. Bonestripper
Proud Fear Industry Veteran
 
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