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(Dallas News)   Dallas Cowboys to start selling "Jerry Wipes" at their online store, and no they are not made to clean off your arse   (popcultureblog.dallasnews.com) divider line 32
    More: Silly, Jerry Jones, Cowboys, East Rutherford  
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808 clicks; posted to Sports » on 12 Sep 2012 at 1:33 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-12 12:28:57 PM
Must be to wipe the sand out of vaginas, then.
 
2012-09-12 01:37:54 PM
Does Mrs. Sandusky know?
 
2012-09-12 01:50:51 PM
And Cowboys fans wonder why their team can't get over the hump...
 
2012-09-12 02:48:20 PM

iron_city_ap: And Cowboys fans wonder why their team can't get over the hump...


If we do, it's certainly not because Jerry's son in law is capitalizing on people losing their shiat over 3 seconds of video.
 
2012-09-12 02:53:14 PM

iron_city_ap: And Cowboys fans wonder why their team can't get over the hump...


Probably because every time we go to the Playoffs we have to face somebody we've already played and beaten twice.
 
2012-09-12 03:01:16 PM
So, I guess they've got these wigs as well. Can we call them "Jerry Curls"?
i.ebayimg.com

// I got nothin' ....
 
2012-09-12 03:02:25 PM

Di Atribe: iron_city_ap: And Cowboys fans wonder why their team can't get over the hump...

If we do, it's certainly not because Jerry's son in law is capitalizing on people losing their shiat over 3 seconds of video.


And Jerry isn't making a dime or staying off the front page and has no voice in the matter.
 
2012-09-12 03:02:58 PM

Phantoms5000: So, I guess they've got these wigs as well. Can we call them "Jerry Curls"?
[i.ebayimg.com image 225x300]

// I got nothin' ....


Not sure what you'd call 'em, but I'm gonna go ahead and call it "My nightmares."
 
2012-09-12 03:03:23 PM
"Jerry never talks to anybody during the game," says Shy. "He is so focused. But he started asking, 'Where's Witten?' I was looking over his should and I could see his glasses were completely smudged. I said, 'Seriously, Jerry? Let me see your glasses.' I actually had an eyeglass cloth in my pocket."

I don't care that the guy wiped off glasses for his father-in-law (it never hurts to butter up the dad-in-law, especially when he owns the Dallas-freaking-Cowboys). I just wonder why he had an eyeglass cloth when he doesn't wear glasses. Either he's a good son-in-law and came prepared, or he's one of those dudes that has Oakley's or some other premium brand of shades and carries the cloth around. I always thought those people were weird.
 
2012-09-12 03:04:17 PM

Treygreen13: iron_city_ap: And Cowboys fans wonder why their team can't get over the hump...

Probably because every time we go to the Playoffs we have to face somebody we've already played and beaten twice.


That hasn't hurt those of us with teams who wind up in the same scenario from doing it.
 
2012-09-12 03:05:48 PM

iron_city_ap: And Jerry isn't making a dime or staying off the front page and has no voice in the matter.


I'm not sure what Jerry being an AW has to do with how the team plays
 
2012-09-12 03:11:49 PM

Di Atribe: iron_city_ap: And Jerry isn't making a dime or staying off the front page and has no voice in the matter.

I'm not sure what Jerry being an AW has to do with how the team plays


No, no, the problem is that Jerry Jones is making money off of this. Get it? Every time Jerry Jones makes money, it is disastrous for the Cowboys. That's why the Cowboys can't "get over the hump".

See how that works? It's simple. My god, how could the team not have realized this before now?
 
2012-09-12 03:14:20 PM
Cowboys fans will need "Jerry Wipes" to wipe away the inevitable tears that Tony Romo will make them weep come November and December when he inevitably turns into a poor high-school level QB.
 
2012-09-12 03:28:50 PM

iron_city_ap: That hasn't hurt those of us with teams who wind up in the same scenario from doing it.


Leave him be, he's clearly still bitter about losing to the Giants in 2007. Either that or the 1998 loss to the Cardinals, which is the only other time the Cowboys have lost in that scenario.
 
2012-09-12 03:41:17 PM

M Bison: Cowboys fans will need "Jerry Wipes" to wipe away the inevitable tears that Tony Romo will make them weep come November and December when he inevitably turns into a poor high-school level QB.


Hm.... location St Louis.... you wouldn't happen to be a Rams fan, would you?


Sandor at the Zoo: My god, how could the team not have realized this before now?


How could we have been so blind? I'll fire off an email to Jerry. He must be alerted post haste!
 
2012-09-12 03:57:11 PM

iron_city_ap: Treygreen13: iron_city_ap: And Cowboys fans wonder why their team can't get over the hump...

Probably because every time we go to the Playoffs we have to face somebody we've already played and beaten twice.

That hasn't hurt those of us with teams who wind up in the same scenario from doing it.


The last time it happened to the Cowboys, they won. Of course, playing a division opponent a third time (especially back-to-back) is not exactly an advantage.
 
2012-09-12 04:29:23 PM
Gotta disinfect the glory hole
 
2012-09-12 04:44:29 PM

M Bison: Cowboys fans will need "Jerry Wipes" to wipe away the inevitable tears that Tony Romo will make them weep come November and December when he inevitably turns into a poor high-school level QB.


Ah yes, quite a zingy complaint that has little or no truth to it. Keep farkin that chicken.

There were exactly 3 QB's with higher regular season ratings last year. Surely a weak defense was Romo's fault... 

Enjoy another stellar Ram's season
 
2012-09-12 06:58:08 PM
I see that Di has sucessfully beat down every moran so far in this thread, my work is done here, before it ever actually began.
4.bp.blogspot.com

Mess with the bull, you get the Di Atribe kick right in the groceries.
 
2012-09-12 07:04:48 PM

Lt. Cheese Weasel: I see that Di has sucessfully beat down every moran so far in this thread, my work is done here, before it ever actually began.
[4.bp.blogspot.com image 345x500]

Mess with the bull, you get the Di Atribe kick right in the groceries.


Why thank you, Cheesey Weesey! That means so much. Your groceries are safe with me.
 
2012-09-12 07:59:24 PM

skrame: "Jerry never talks to anybody during the game," says Shy. "He is so focused. But he started asking, 'Where's Witten?' I was looking over his should and I could see his glasses were completely smudged. I said, 'Seriously, Jerry? Let me see your glasses.' I actually had an eyeglass cloth in my pocket."

I don't care that the guy wiped off glasses for his father-in-law (it never hurts to butter up the dad-in-law, especially when he owns the Dallas-freaking-Cowboys). I just wonder why he had an eyeglass cloth when he doesn't wear glasses. Either he's a good son-in-law and came prepared, or he's one of those dudes that has Oakley's or some other premium brand of shades and carries the cloth around. I always thought those people were weird.


You're right we are.
 
2012-09-12 08:17:51 PM

skrame: I don't care that the guy wiped off glasses for his father-in-law (it never hurts to butter up the dad-in-law, especially when he owns the Dallas-freaking-Cowboys). I just wonder why he had an eyeglass cloth when he doesn't wear glasses. Either he's a good son-in-law and came prepared, or he's one of those dudes that has Oakley's or some other premium brand of shades and carries the cloth around. I always thought those people were weird.


For his iPhone?

/I assume he has one
 
2012-09-12 08:18:21 PM
Jerry & Snyder might be crappy owners, but they rarely miss a marketing trick. Good for the Cowboys for finding yet another way to fleece their fans. Does the Jerry wipe money go to the
 
2012-09-12 09:04:22 PM

Di Atribe: iron_city_ap: And Jerry isn't making a dime or staying off the front page and has no voice in the matter.

I'm not sure what Jerry being an AW has to do with how the team plays


Could be that it takes away from his owner/gm duties and keeps him from being a better owner/gm than he otherwise could be. I've said many times, he probabaly knows more of the intricate workings of a franchise than 99.9% of us, but at that level, there is a reason more owners let someone else GM, let alone be AWs on top of all three at once.

If y'all are happy with the occasional first round buy out, more power to you, but look at how the more recent 'dominant' franchises are (N.E., NYG, PIT, BAL, G.B.) run and ask yourself what the big differences are.
 
2012-09-12 09:43:05 PM

iron_city_ap: Di Atribe: iron_city_ap: And Jerry isn't making a dime or staying off the front page and has no voice in the matter.

I'm not sure what Jerry being an AW has to do with how the team plays

Could be that it takes away from his owner/gm duties and keeps him from being a better owner/gm than he otherwise could be. I've said many times, he probabaly knows more of the intricate workings of a franchise than 99.9% of us, but at that level, there is a reason more owners let someone else GM, let alone be AWs on top of all three at once.

If y'all are happy with the occasional first round buy out, more power to you, but look at how the more recent 'dominant' franchises are (N.E., NYG, PIT, BAL, G.B.) run and ask yourself what the big differences are.


Meant b'ow out' not 'buy out'. Lick my nuts auto correct/fat thumbs.
 
2012-09-13 12:24:44 AM

iron_city_ap: Di Atribe: iron_city_ap: And Jerry isn't making a dime or staying off the front page and has no voice in the matter.

I'm not sure what Jerry being an AW has to do with how the team plays

Could be that it takes away from his owner/gm duties and keeps him from being a better owner/gm than he otherwise could be. I've said many times, he probabaly knows more of the intricate workings of a franchise than 99.9% of us, but at that level, there is a reason more owners let someone else GM, let alone be AWs on top of all three at once.

If y'all are happy with the occasional first round buy out, more power to you, but look at how the more recent 'dominant' franchises are (N.E., NYG, PIT, BAL, G.B.) run and ask yourself what the big differences are.


I'm no Cowboys expert. My douchebaggery is of a higher ilk -- I'm a Pats fan. That said, I don't know that Jerry Jones makes GM type decisions. I'm under the impression that he has a very capable football operations/player personnel department, as do all 32 teams(maybe sans Raiders?). He might be the GM in title, but that is likely a result of his AW ways. He's a damn smart businessman and he knows that to compete, one man with limited football experience can't run a whole organization. That's why the Cowboys are in the thick of it pretty much every year, and have Super Bowl caliber talent while subby sits on the couch with a whole lot of confidence in Brandon Weeden.
 
2012-09-13 01:26:17 AM

jdamaral: iron_city_ap: Di Atribe: iron_city_ap: And Jerry isn't making a dime or staying off the front page and has no voice in the matter.

I'm not sure what Jerry being an AW has to do with how the team plays

Could be that it takes away from his owner/gm duties and keeps him from being a better owner/gm than he otherwise could be. I've said many times, he probabaly knows more of the intricate workings of a franchise than 99.9% of us, but at that level, there is a reason more owners let someone else GM, let alone be AWs on top of all three at once.

If y'all are happy with the occasional first round buy out, more power to you, but look at how the more recent 'dominant' franchises are (N.E., NYG, PIT, BAL, G.B.) run and ask yourself what the big differences are.

I'm no Cowboys expert. My douchebaggery is of a higher ilk -- I'm a Pats fan. That said, I don't know that Jerry Jones makes GM type decisions. I'm under the impression that he has a very capable football operations/player personnel department, as do all 32 teams(maybe sans Raiders?). He might be the GM in title, but that is likely a result of his AW ways. He's a damn smart businessman and he knows that to compete, one man with limited football experience can't run a whole organization. That's why the Cowboys are in the thick of it pretty much every year, and have Super Bowl caliber talent while subby sits on the couch with a whole lot of confidence in Brandon Weeden.


Jerry used to have a lot of involvement in personnel. Used to.

He's settled into a "face of the franchise" role, which is still probably too much. But he's not in the draft room pretending to tell the coach who to pick like he used to be. And, of course, back when he was doing that, it was Jimmy Johnson and they were winning super bowls. Of course that shouldn't be taken to mean that Jerry had anything to do with that team.

Overall, you're right. The Cowboys have a whole personnel department. Jerry is just an outlet for frustration for Cowboys fans because he can't be fired, so if you get mad about him you can't be "wrong".
 
2012-09-13 12:43:28 PM

iron_city_ap: Could be that it takes away from his owner/gm duties and keeps him from being a better owner/gm than he otherwise could be. I've said many times, he probabaly knows more of the intricate workings of a franchise than 99.9% of us, but at that level, there is a reason more owners let someone else GM, let alone be AWs on top of all three at once.


OK so you believe that his son in law putting eyeglass wipes in the fan shop takes away from Jerry's owner/gm duties. Got it.

iron_city_ap: run and ask yourself what the big differences are.


I never said I was in love with Jerry being the GM. I really have no idea what you plan to get out of me running and asking myself something, which actually doesn't make any sense.

jdamaral: He's a damn smart businessman and he knows that to compete, one man with limited football experience can't run a whole organization.


He is a damn smart businessman, but you know he used to play football for Arkansas, right? And then he bought the Cowboys over 20 years ago. I wouldn't call that limited football experience.
 
2012-09-13 12:50:34 PM

Di Atribe: iron_city_ap: Could be that it takes away from his owner/gm duties and keeps him from being a better owner/gm than he otherwise could be. I've said many times, he probabaly knows more of the intricate workings of a franchise than 99.9% of us, but at that level, there is a reason more owners let someone else GM, let alone be AWs on top of all three at once.

OK so you believe that his son in law putting eyeglass wipes in the fan shop takes away from Jerry's owner/gm duties. Got it.

iron_city_ap: run and ask yourself what the big differences are.

I never said I was in love with Jerry being the GM. I really have no idea what you plan to get out of me running and asking myself something, which actually doesn't make any sense.

jdamaral: He's a damn smart businessman and he knows that to compete, one man with limited football experience can't run a whole organization.

He is a damn smart businessman, but you know he used to play football for Arkansas, right? And then he bought the Cowboys over 20 years ago. I wouldn't call that limited football experience.


Didn't know that actually. But I would still consider that limited football experience. When I said that, I had coaching/scouting type stuff in mind. I do, however, think it's hard to assign much blame to him because the team is pretty loaded with talent year after year whereas teams with celebrated GMs, say, Pioli in KC, flounder.
 
2012-09-13 01:48:13 PM

jdamaral: Didn't know that actually. But I would still consider that limited football experience. When I said that, I had coaching/scouting type stuff in mind. I do, however, think it's hard to assign much blame to him because the team is pretty loaded with talent year after year whereas teams with celebrated GMs, say, Pioli in KC, flounder.


Hm, having a civil, enlightening conversation about the Cowboys with a Browns fan. Which timeline is this? I'm confused.
 
2012-09-13 02:37:48 PM

Di Atribe: jdamaral: Didn't know that actually. But I would still consider that limited football experience. When I said that, I had coaching/scouting type stuff in mind. I do, however, think it's hard to assign much blame to him because the team is pretty loaded with talent year after year whereas teams with celebrated GMs, say, Pioli in KC, flounder.

Hm, having a civil, enlightening conversation about the Cowboys with a Browns fan. Which timeline is this? I'm confused.


Browns fans are generally good folk, Di. So long as they're not barking. Plus, we have something in common with them; a profound dislike (bordering on hatred) for the Steelers.

Yes, Jerrah is a hellua businessman, he did play at Arkansas (as a 180 lb. all SWC O-lineman) & co-captained that '64 National Championship team (along with all of the other Seniors on it). The problem is, while that seems like it would qualify as more than limited football experience, we all know that the college game is a far cry from the NFL and the pro game has changed dramatically in the past 20+ years.

I don't think Jerrah's an idiot where the game is concerned, but there are many far more qualified people out there that he could hire that are better at evaluating talent & making personel decisions. Problem is, if there's one thing Jerrah loves, it's being in the spotlight (he was born in LA, after all). Pair that with an ego that can be seen from orbit & you have the unmovable object. At least until Dallas wins a world title with Jerrah at the helm. Then he'll be able to finally say, "I toldja, so."
 
2012-09-13 04:45:46 PM

4NTLRZ: The problem is, while that seems like it would qualify as more than limited football experience, we all know that the college game is a far cry from the NFL and the pro game has changed dramatically in the past 20+ years.


You'll get no arguments from me on that one.


4NTLRZ: At least until Dallas wins a world title with Jerrah at the helm. Then he'll be able to finally say, "I toldja, so."


Haha "I toldja so! It only took me 20 years, but I TOLD YOU!"

SN: going to the Rangers game on Saturday. So excited! If it gets rained out, I shall be very put-out.
 
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