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(Glossy News)   Autism Speaks discovers cure for autism, vows never to release it   (glossynews.com) divider line 61
    More: Satire, Autism Speaks, Autism therapies, arrogance, autism  
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2979 clicks; posted to Geek » on 11 Sep 2012 at 9:13 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



61 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-09-11 09:16:21 AM  
Then one of my researchers said to me one day, 'Why not simply remove the autism from the victim?'

www.brainygamer.com
 
2012-09-11 09:17:59 AM  
I really like laughing at autistic jokes. This failed on every possible level.
 
2012-09-11 09:19:12 AM  
So this is a fail version of the Onion? Glad they paid Fark to make a tag for them, will be easier to ignore the links.
 
2012-09-11 09:20:16 AM  
WTF did I just read?!?!
 
2012-09-11 09:22:24 AM  
This is why we can't have nice things.
 
2012-09-11 09:23:24 AM  
They didn't even properly establish a humorous premise.
 
2012-09-11 09:23:46 AM  
I thought satire was supposed to be funny.
 
2012-09-11 09:23:51 AM  
When I saw "Dr. Walter Randome" I knew it was Satire. But at least it could be funny...

Website sucks balls. Big, hairy, sweaty, smelly balls.
 
2012-09-11 09:24:02 AM  
i406.photobucket.com
 
2012-09-11 09:24:26 AM  
Is it just me, or has satire turned to ABSOLUTE shiat.

I've seen more crappy stories in the last week, than I have in the last 2 years... I for one intend to open my own satirical site to combat this utter dearth of shiate thats being shovelled at me now.
 
2012-09-11 09:26:31 AM  
Going into the article I thought it might have been a development in the correction of certain autistic traits.

Then I began reading.

With each word that was written, my brain cells slowly killed themselves off in an attempt to stymie my reading comprehension and thus save my overall brain function.
 
2012-09-11 09:27:28 AM  
Yesterday, apparently samsung dropped over their billion dollars at apple in trucks in 5 cent denominations.

Where is the humour? That's not funny...why the fark even bother.

Sometimes people need to moderate their shiat before they post it willy nilly.
 
2012-09-11 09:27:54 AM  
I have a solution also. Revise the definition again. Maybe split it into more specific problems, that way someone can claim X change to health care or environmental standards has reduced autism.
 
2012-09-11 09:29:11 AM  
Good news: there's a cure for autism.

Bad news: It's delivered via vaccine.
 
2012-09-11 09:29:50 AM  
I hope the author of that hilarious piece develops a degenerative neurological condition....and has many months to contemplate his fate....and in those months, realizes what a total pointless waste his life was.
 
2012-09-11 09:33:29 AM  
Wow, that wasn't even close to being funny.
 
2012-09-11 09:37:25 AM  
I'm not sure what I just read, but I think it had something to do with removing a politicians penis from an autistic child, leaving it empty.

...and that didn't make any sense.
At least I hope it doesn't make sense to anyone.
 
2012-09-11 09:38:46 AM  
Wut in thu hayl...?
 
2012-09-11 09:40:41 AM  
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-09-11 09:41:27 AM  
The worst news arrived this morning, however, when the arrest of a prominent politician was announced after he was discovered literally balls deep inside one of these 'cured' children. A child who would never have gone off with a stranger if he had still been autistic.

Yeah, normie kids kind of deserve to get raped when you look at it like this.
 
2012-09-11 09:42:26 AM  
The author's logic (derived from his defense in th comments section) is missing/ignoring the entire population of those with autism who are lower functioning. I would think it would be better for all invloved (child and parent) if we were able to keep kids from pulling/scratching skin off their face, bolting into traffic, tearing hair out of their head, or smashing their face into a wall. It's not wrong to want to cure autism. It's not a case of ethnic cleansing like some are all claiming)

This seems similar to the deaf community where if you get coqullar implants the community shuns you. That being mixed with the whole indigo movement can be pretty bad.
 
2012-09-11 09:44:08 AM  
...
 
2012-09-11 09:44:40 AM  
So this was...all a Doctor Who reference?
 
2012-09-11 09:44:46 AM  
I was wondering what happened to bbspot.
 
2012-09-11 09:45:09 AM  
Would have been funnier if it turned out to have been a vaccine.
 
2012-09-11 09:45:52 AM  
ftfa: "...all you are left with is an empty child."

Providing this isn't satire, isn't that what you'd want? A chance to start over?
 
2012-09-11 09:47:43 AM  
Wow, that was shiat.
 
2012-09-11 09:48:18 AM  
FTA This post was written by Sheogorath

Sheogorath - who has written 6 posts on GlossyNews.com.
As an Autie with a very warped imagination (IOO) and an extremely wicked sense of humour (IMO), I make quite a good satirist (also IMO), especially when writing songs about fanfiction, the Internet, or Disney.


Dude thinks he's a regular Jonathan Swift. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad. Or vice-versa.
 
2012-09-11 09:50:25 AM  
fark subby for submitting unfunny "satire" like this... wtf mods
 
2012-09-11 09:52:33 AM  
Your blog sucks.
 
2012-09-11 09:54:13 AM  

skodabunny: FTA This post was written by Sheogorath

Sheogorath - who has written 6 posts on GlossyNews.com.
As an Autie with a very warped imagination (IOO) and an extremely wicked sense of humour (IMO), I make quite a good satirist (also IMO), especially when writing songs about fanfiction, the Internet, or Disney.

Dude thinks he's a regular Jonathan Swift (IMO). It would be funny (IMO) if it wasn't so sad (IMO). Or vice-versa (YMMV).


(FTFY)
 
2012-09-11 09:56:11 AM  
bad story is bad, and should feel bad, because its bad.
 
2012-09-11 10:01:32 AM  
Wow, an autism joke AND a rape joke. great job "Sheogorath" OH how farking hilarious an elderscrolls joke too. I see what you did there.

die.
 
2012-09-11 10:05:02 AM  
It took a minute to sink in because it's so unexpected.

Green? Seriously?
 
2012-09-11 10:05:17 AM  
Reported Subby & greenlight mod for failure to properly tag article "satire".


So, Drew, is it really moderator abuse when I'm farking right all the time?
 
2012-09-11 10:14:27 AM  
That was a bad article, and not really the kind of shiat I come to fark for; oh and I'm on the expressway to hell with the next guy, but that was just bad.
Green, I am dissapoint.
 
2012-09-11 10:15:42 AM  
For me, the funniest part of this link was the fact that they had an ad on the bottom for their own site. It said you could write satire and the top writer got $100 a month. To top that great offer, if you click on the ad, the next page tells you that they discontinued giving the $100 away.
 
2012-09-11 10:16:57 AM  
That was the worst excuse for satire, ever.
 
2012-09-11 10:18:13 AM  

moel: Is it just me, or has satire turned to ABSOLUTE shiat.

I've seen more crappy stories in the last week, than I have in the last 2 years... I for one intend to open my own satirical site to combat this utter dearth of shiate thats being shovelled at me now.


People think satire means "EAT THE BABBIES BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY AND UNREASONABLE" not, "Here's a legitimate problem, and here's a unrealistic solution that works in theory, but is actually horrific in scope."

See: the dumbass who made "Kill Mitt Romney" and "I support the guys who killed a cop in Philly" pages and started bleating about satire the moment the police charged him. Seriously. It's not satire. Do not taint the good names of Jonathan Swift and The Onion with your shiat.
 
2012-09-11 10:19:16 AM  
Modmins, you gotta check yo'selves. This is awful in just about every way possible. I would have been ashamed to even consider submitting it. And I'm not harshing on subby here: people have their different tastes, and they may be very different from mine. I mean it in context of what I gather to be Fark's own sensibilities. That we can't use common schoolbus profanity or link images clearly depicting healthy and normal human mammary glands, but can offer up a piece about a politician being "literally balls deep" in a recently autistic child.. really?
 
2012-09-11 10:21:06 AM  
The only way that story could have been worse was if at the end the punch line was

"We're the autistocrats"
 
2012-09-11 10:27:19 AM  

moel: Is it just me, or has satire turned to ABSOLUTE shiat.


The word Satire has become synonymous for "people who want to have diarrhea of the mouth without repercussions"

"Dude, that's not funny at all."
"YES IT IS! IT'S SATIRE"
"No, It's retarded."
"EXACTLY! SATIRE!"
ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ
 
2012-09-11 10:31:29 AM  
OMG! Child Rape!? Thats Hilarious!

/Fark off mod and subby.
 
2012-09-11 10:34:31 AM  

wildcardjack: I have a solution also. Revise the definition again. Maybe split it into more specific problems, that way someone can claim X change to health care or environmental standards has reduced autism.


This64165165165
 
2012-09-11 10:35:57 AM  
Satire: "You know, we've been driving food to you here in Africa for 100 years now, and it occurred to us, there wouldn't be world hunger if you would just MOVE TO WHERE THE FOOD IS! YOU LIVE IN A DESERT! NOTHING IS GONNA GROW HERE? You see this here? This is sand. You know what it's going to be in 100 years? IT'S STILL GONNA BE SAND! NOTHING GROWS IN IT! MOVE TO WHERE THE FOOD IS! Jesus christ we've got deserts in America too but WE DON'T FARKING LIVE IN THEM!! Tell you what, We'll even give you a ride!."

"Satire": Lets cure autism so we can rape babies.
 
2012-09-11 10:46:46 AM  
Mods, as someone who can snicker at the occasional Holocaust joke, I find this horrible, stupid, and offensive, at pretty much every level.

Regardless of whether the author is on the autism spectrum, this is just bad and should be redlit. I mean, too-bad-for-FarkTV bad.
 
2012-09-11 11:07:27 AM  
i18.photobucket.com
 
2012-09-11 11:21:10 AM  
YO SUBBY, YOUR BLOG POORLY CONCEALED CHILD RAPE FANTASY SUCKS
 
2012-09-11 11:37:51 AM  
The onion breathes easy knowing they won't be replaced anytime soon.

Or at least not by these fools.
 
db2
2012-09-11 11:47:35 AM  
Autism Speaks.

Slowly and clumsily.

And it usually says "Stop touching me."
 
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