If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(io9)   5 Most Unpleasant Ways To Die In Ancient Times   (io9.com) divider line 86
    More: Sick, roasts, eels  
•       •       •

14295 clicks; posted to Geek » on 06 Sep 2012 at 4:10 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



86 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-09-06 08:06:36 PM

kim jong-un: PsyLord: Kurmudgeon: This is why the 8th amendment forbids cruel and unusual punishment, folks!

I'm all for the reinstatement of the guillotine - as long as the blade is razor sharp.

Why?

If we were honest with ourselves, executions would be performed by nitrogen asphyxiation. Cheap, dead simple to perform. No mess. No toxins. No risk to the guards or executioners. Painless.


Not very quick, though.
 
2012-09-06 08:07:20 PM

Flappyhead: Mikey1969: What a crappy list. There are FAR better ones out there, the description of the Brazen Bull is a good example of just how badly this list fails. That description is about as imaginative as if a 5th grader had written it.

Heh, the 1000 Ways to Die episode did a better job and that's saying a lot.


Yeah, it's really sad how much effort we've put forth in order to kill each other as brutally as possible. It's bad enough that we put so much effort into war, but the point isn't to make people suffer like these things are.
 
2012-09-06 08:09:45 PM

GriffXX: nmemkha: The scariest way I would think would be to be at the mercy of a sadistic doctor who systematically starts removing body parts over a long period of time, but keeps the patient alive.

Boxing Helena.


Mmm, Sherilyn Fenn.

/or he could be talking about the Ice Truck Killer from Dexter
 
2012-09-06 08:14:04 PM

kim jong-un: PsyLord: Kurmudgeon: This is why the 8th amendment forbids cruel and unusual punishment, folks!

I'm all for the reinstatement of the guillotine - as long as the blade is razor sharp.

Why?

If we were honest with ourselves, executions would be performed by nitrogen asphyxiation. Cheap, dead simple to perform. No mess. No toxins. No risk to the guards or executioners. Painless.


The problem is that people see execution as revenge when it's really just supposed to be the ultimate punishment, not because of pain and suffering, but because it's the end of your life.

Well, that would be the case if we were a truly civilized society. I don't have a problem with capital punishment, just when people try to justify inflicting pain.
 
2012-09-06 08:14:39 PM

Tillmaster: Uncle Tractor: [upload.wikimedia.org image 640x470]

Ah yes, the Pear. Simple, but very nasty indeed.


Also pretty much an old wives' tale. There's no evidence they were actually used as torture devices other than by novelists penning books that sold well with the Victorian Era's fascination with "barbarism".

There were pear-shaped gags that robbers used but they were non-lethal (they were just gags).
 
2012-09-06 08:39:37 PM

Rent Party: Girion47: Rent Party: That "cooking people in the cow" thing was in a movie I just saw recently but can't remember the title of.

It kind of sucked.

The Immortals?

I think that might be it!

* google *

Yep!

It kind of sucked.


I liked that movie. The story wasnt that amazing obviously, but the visual composition and so on was really impressive. I liked it better than the Clash of the Titans remake, anyway. Although that's not setting the bar very high.
 
2012-09-06 08:40:20 PM
No love for salt mining?
 
2012-09-06 08:41:14 PM

Dinki: I was always partial to the punishment for patricide- tied up in a sack with a monkey, dog, and chicken, then thrown in the Tiber. Good times.


I wonder nutty it gets in that sack when it hits the water? Drowning might be a relief from a monkey having panic attack induced by facing death. Figuring the Roman efficiency and detailed way of approaching things I wonder if they experimented to find the three worst reacting animals to put in? What could a chicken do to earn a spot? Or is a chicken just some form of insult?

/buzzed
 
2012-09-06 09:04:43 PM

GriffXX: nmemkha: The scariest way I would think would be to be at the mercy of a sadistic doctor who systematically starts removing body parts over a long period of time, but keeps the patient alive.

Boxing Helena.


Human Centipede.

/adding body parts can be worse than removing them - especially when the added parts are still being used by the people they belong to
 
2012-09-06 09:05:01 PM

unlikely: The Catherine Wheel is still scarier to me than any of those.


Frightening,since I was actually listening to Catherine Wheel when I read that.

/wonders if death by that band is even possible....
 
2012-09-06 09:23:03 PM
I don't think I need any more detail than to say...

Poured molten gold down his throat.

Google that. I'd actually pay to see that, perhaps as punishment related to bribery.
 
2012-09-06 09:30:20 PM

Mikey1969: The problem is that people see execution as revenge when it's really just supposed to be the ultimate punishment, not because of pain and suffering, but because it's the end of your life.


I disagree in that the point isn't punishment at all because the purpose of punishment is to correct future behavior (kind of raises questions about life imprisonment without the possibility of parole, but that's another story). There is no future behavior to worry about here, so the point of an execution, at least in modern times in relatively civilized counties where we don't worry about soul cleansing, is to remove a detrimental element - deemed unable to be made fit - from society. With that in mind your execution methods should be chosen with the goals of efficiency, reliability, humanity towards the condemned and placing minimal psychological stress on those involved in the execution process. My vote goes to nitrogen asphyxiation.

Unfortunately while I agree with the death penalty in principal, I can't support its use in a justice system (US) I consider to not be adequately competent enough to make such a ruling.
 
2012-09-06 09:32:36 PM
*principle

Dammit...that's what I get for attempting to be articulate.
 
2012-09-06 09:53:06 PM

angryviking: Mikey1969: The problem is that people see execution as revenge when it's really just supposed to be the ultimate punishment, not because of pain and suffering, but because it's the end of your life.

I disagree in that the point isn't punishment at all because the purpose of punishment is to correct future behavior (kind of raises questions about life imprisonment without the possibility of parole, but that's another story). There is no future behavior to worry about here, so the point of an execution, at least in modern times in relatively civilized counties where we don't worry about soul cleansing, is to remove a detrimental element - deemed unable to be made fit - from society. With that in mind your execution methods should be chosen with the goals of efficiency, reliability, humanity towards the condemned and placing minimal psychological stress on those involved in the execution process. My vote goes to nitrogen asphyxiation.

Unfortunately while I agree with the death penalty in principal, I can't support its use in a justice system (US) I consider to not be adequately competent enough to make such a ruling.


I still think it counts as punishment because you're losing something you value as a result of your behavior, but I also agree about the removing of detrimental elements from society. Some people have just committed such heinous acts that they have no place in society, even in the prisons.

And yes, I agree that the US doesn't exactly carry out capital punishment in a way that is very responsible, like I said, a lot of this stems from the fact that people see it as revenge and want the condemned to suffer.
 
2012-09-06 09:58:55 PM
i94.photobucket.com
 
2012-09-06 10:05:26 PM

SnakeLee: People are such dicks


Exactly, its why Utopia will never exist and socialism will always fail unless they perform lobotomies on every newborn.
 
2012-09-06 10:13:17 PM
I'd have put the bubonic plague on that list because of the rapidness with which it would strike -- and the way it would decimate communities so that they were no longer functional.
 
2012-09-06 10:29:12 PM
Being forced to watch Gallery Girls.
 
2012-09-06 10:38:06 PM

mansonozz: There was a Brazen Bull is Saw 3D, that's all I've got to say except for "fark that" in regards to every one of them.

[www.fearnet.com image 400x300]


I knew there was a reason why I stayed away from those movies.
 
2012-09-06 10:48:47 PM

red5ish: The ancients were amateurs.
[img837.imageshack.us image 500x500]


I am old, so this pic reminds me of how satisfying it was to mod Wolfenstein with Barneystein and machinegun the fark out of that purple abomination.
 
2012-09-06 11:05:01 PM

GameSprocket: So, can we agree the whole "milk and honey" thing is either made up or death by dehydration?


Yeah, this. That, and even with proper hydration, you would likely die of exposure or shock before too long. The diarrhea would only make dehydration come faster.

Still a terrible way to go, though.
 
2012-09-06 11:19:51 PM
That's nothing. The CIA, with the help of the Nazis smuggled out of Germany in Operation Paperclip, have come up with much more nasty ways to kill people.
 
2012-09-06 11:47:16 PM
How does impalement not make this list?

Having a stake shoved up your backside and beaten through your body with a sledgehammer so that it comes out your mouth in such a way as to not kill you for days ...
 
2012-09-07 12:07:37 AM

Great Porn Dragon: "death of a thousand cuts"


Snu-Snu?
 
2012-09-07 12:09:56 AM

AcneVulgaris: unlikely: Jormungandr: Wasn't there some dark age punishment for homosexuality that involved the accused being hung upside down with their legs apart while people ran a two person saw between?

[www.oddee.com image 225x310] 

It was used for everything - witchcraft, adultery, theft, whatever.

When you have a saw, everything looks like a log dog


FTFM
 
2012-09-07 12:38:21 AM
I'm surprised crucifixion didn't make the list.

Pretty damn terrible way to go.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crucifixion
 
2012-09-07 01:04:44 AM

jagermech: I'm surprised crucifixion didn't make the list.

Pretty damn terrible way to go.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crucifixion


Yeah, that was my thought too, but it does say "ancient" in the headline.
 
2012-09-07 01:42:52 AM
A lot of the things others have mentioned are objectively worse, but ever since reading about Richard Roose, the cook who was boiled alive as a punishment for poisoning two people, I have to say that being boiled alive would definitely be at the bottom of my list of preferred exits.
 
2012-09-07 02:28:05 AM

RenownedCurator: A lot of the things others have mentioned are objectively worse, but ever since reading about Richard Roose, the cook who was boiled alive as a punishment for poisoning two people, I have to say that being boiled alive would definitely be at the bottom of my list of preferred exits.


So what's at the top of this list?
 
2012-09-07 02:45:52 AM

MusicMakeMyHeadPound: RenownedCurator: A lot of the things others have mentioned are objectively worse, but ever since reading about Richard Roose, the cook who was boiled alive as a punishment for poisoning two people, I have to say that being boiled alive would definitely be at the bottom of my list of preferred exits.

So what's at the top of this list?


25.media.tumblr.com

"In my own bed, at the age of 80 with a bellyful of wine and a girl's mouth around my cock."
 
2012-09-07 03:06:54 AM
The ending of Braveheart was sort of nasty.
 
2012-09-07 03:33:13 AM

MusicMakeMyHeadPound: RenownedCurator: A lot of the things others have mentioned are objectively worse, but ever since reading about Richard Roose, the cook who was boiled alive as a punishment for poisoning two people, I have to say that being boiled alive would definitely be at the bottom of my list of preferred exits.

So what's at the top of this list?


heart attack or stroke while asleep.
 
2012-09-07 03:35:42 AM
Came for 'Death by titty twister"

Leaving heartbroken.
 
2012-09-07 09:08:13 AM

Mikey1969: Flappyhead: Mikey1969: What a crappy list. There are FAR better ones out there, the description of the Brazen Bull is a good example of just how badly this list fails. That description is about as imaginative as if a 5th grader had written it.

Heh, the 1000 Ways to Die episode did a better job and that's saying a lot.

Yeah, it's really sad how much effort we've put forth in order to kill each other as brutally as possible. It's bad enough that we put so much effort into war, but the point isn't to make people suffer like these things are.


Suffering is the point here. Part of being a tyrant is to make sure people fear you. It's state-sponsored terrorism. The fear of a very painful, gruesome death is supposed to keep the peasants/serfs/slaves/helots/etc. in there place and not rising up against you.
 
2012-09-07 01:32:23 PM

Millennium: kim jong-un: PsyLord: Kurmudgeon: This is why the 8th amendment forbids cruel and unusual punishment, folks!

I'm all for the reinstatement of the guillotine - as long as the blade is razor sharp.

Why?

If we were honest with ourselves, executions would be performed by nitrogen asphyxiation. Cheap, dead simple to perform. No mess. No toxins. No risk to the guards or executioners. Painless.

Not very quick, though.


Yeah, it is. You pass out after a couple of breaths.

/ that's why confined space entry is taken seriously in industry.
 
2012-09-08 04:07:38 AM
About 10 years ago a traveling museum of medieval torture devices came to town. It was awesome, but damned if I can think about it now. Stuff like a "pear", inserted into your anus with a screw that made it open.

/with my mouth I'd offend the king in a second
//make that a millisecond
///would not have survived the medial ages
 
Displayed 36 of 86 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report