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(Denver Channel)   Weird: Sex Toys Stolen. Weirder: Victim Had Photos Of Them   (thedenverchannel.com) divider line 56
    More: Amusing, Sex Toys Stolen, sex toys, burglary  
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8632 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Sep 2012 at 11:16 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-05 08:28:25 PM
Who doesn't take photos of their sex toys.  It certainly makes family reunions more fun.
 
"Hey great-aunt Helen, have I shown you my girlfriend?"
 
*ttakes phone and shows photo of me and Fleshlight having candlelight dinner*
 
*watches great-aunt Helens jaw fall off into her coleslaw*
 
2012-09-05 08:40:17 PM
Is this about that new Matt Damon/Micheal Douglas movie again?
*not reading article*

...


/Matt Damon
 
2012-09-05 08:47:35 PM
It appears that someone was.....



*dons sunglasses*

......hard up for a sex toy.


/Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah!
 
2012-09-05 08:52:41 PM
I vote we call the thief either the "cock-mangler" or the "passion connoisseur."

/This thread is useless without pics
 
2012-09-05 08:53:44 PM
I have pictures of our sex toys, but I don't think I would show them to the cops. They tend to be far more NSFW than I would feel comfortable sharing with strangers.
 
2012-09-05 10:42:01 PM

swaniefrmreddeer: I have pictures of our sex toys, but I don't think I would show them to the cops. They tend to be far more NSFW than I would feel comfortable sharing with strangers.



Is it the bio-hazard stickers?
 
2012-09-05 11:21:15 PM
Not really weird. You gotta have pictures for homeowners insurance claims, and those things are expensive. At least, the nice ones are.
 
2012-09-05 11:21:52 PM
Did they also have names?

/and this one is "The Daisy Cutter"
 
2012-09-05 11:22:13 PM
It takes a confident person to file this police report. I would hate to be the cop that had to keep a straight face during this
 
2012-09-05 11:22:56 PM
tie?


eip

wait. i'll just get a bunch of pictures of star wars figurines doing disgusting things to strawberry shortcake dolls won't I?

nevermind.
 
2012-09-05 11:26:03 PM
 
2012-09-05 11:26:07 PM
Do we still have a "PLUG" tag? This seems like a good place for it.
 
2012-09-05 11:26:40 PM
Served with divorce papers in 3-2-1
 
2012-09-05 11:33:04 PM
what a family photo album that would be.

"and kids, this black and white is your Aunt Bethany with the first 110V personal massager. gee that really takes me back".
 
2012-09-05 11:38:00 PM
The wife returned them a day later.

/ eewwww
// but then again, not any different from participating in an orgy
 
2012-09-05 11:45:45 PM
I wouldn't want those back. Nope.

Can you imagine having to walk a big ol bag of toys over to the neighbor's house?

"Sorry about your dildos and whatnot....will you be going to the PTA meeting? Want to carpool?"
 
2012-09-05 11:46:47 PM
West said the remaining toys were returned by the suspect's wife one day later.

Well, alright then, no harm done.
 
2012-09-05 11:50:50 PM
If they ordered their toys online, they could have just directed the cops to look at the websites they bought from. Plus some stores will track what you've bought in the past, like Amazon does. Hell, Amazon even sells the damn things.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2012-09-05 11:51:51 PM

nytmare: Baggage Carousel Surprise


LOL, FARKING hilarious!

Notice how NOBODY fessed up to owning it.
 
2012-09-05 11:54:42 PM
Nah, photos of a few toys isn't weird. Weird is having MRI scan images of your sex toys while they are actively being used.
 
2012-09-05 11:55:46 PM

gja: nytmare: Baggage Carousel Surprise

LOL, FARKING hilarious!

Notice how NOBODY fessed up to owning it.


Yes. I'm sure someone checked in a big black dildo with no tags and not in any bag. Right.
 
2012-09-06 12:05:37 AM
www.thedenverchannel.com

ROFLMAO
 
2012-09-06 12:06:26 AM
Hmm, enlarge?

www.thedenverchannel.com

// is it just me, or are news sites getting more and more retarded by the day?
 
2012-09-06 12:08:51 AM
an investigator who had studied the pictures of the stolen toys

Let me repeat that just one more time, for emphasis:
an investigator who had studied the pictures of the stolen toys
 
2012-09-06 12:15:44 AM

Apos: It appears that someone was.....

*dons sunglasses*

......hard up for a sex toy.

/Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah!


People like you give me a weird vibe...
 
2012-09-06 12:23:55 AM

911Jenny: I wouldn't want those back. Nope.

Can you imagine having to walk a big ol bag of toys over to the neighbor's house?

"Sorry about your dildos and whatnot....will you be going to the PTA meeting? Want to carpool?"


Which person do you think is a proud PTA member? The one who showed the cops pictures of the sex toys (probably in use) or the person who broke into his neighbors house to steal used sex toys?
 
2012-09-06 12:27:10 AM

Confoundit: The one who showed the cops pictures of the sex toys (probably in use)


"Now this is a double sided dildo...well, at least half of it anyway..."
 
2012-09-06 12:32:23 AM

Confoundit: 911Jenny: I wouldn't want those back. Nope.

Can you imagine having to walk a big ol bag of toys over to the neighbor's house?

"Sorry about your dildos and whatnot....will you be going to the PTA meeting? Want to carpool?"

Which person do you think is a proud PTA member? The one who showed the cops pictures of the sex toys (probably in use) or the person who broke into his neighbors house to steal used sex toys?


Don't forget throwing one in his backpack... for the pervert who has places to go.
 
2012-09-06 12:34:20 AM
Link

Obviously NSFW
 
2012-09-06 01:09:53 AM
My girlfriend's house was broken into and they stole two flat screen TV's.

BUT, they also located her hidden stash of sex toys and spread them all around her room. (She was glad her daughter didn't get home before her.) I knew she had a few sex toys but I never realized she had over thirty. I guess she was embarrassed to tell me the extent of her collection and had most hidden away.

That just confirmed, what I already knew, she is a total freak. BTW, I am not complaining.
 
2012-09-06 01:28:06 AM

911Jenny: I wouldn't want those back. Nope.

Can you imagine having to walk a big ol bag of toys over to the neighbor's house?

"Sorry about your dildos and whatnot....will you be going to the PTA meeting? Want to carpool?"


"I feel kinda bad for pressing you on the topic, but can I see those pictures? I mean of the sex toys, the ones you gave the police? I'd like to see one of the anal beads- or maybe you could just check yourself and let me know- was there an even number or an odd number of beads on the string when you bought it? Mary's been feeling real sick, and at first we thought she was hungover but the stomach pains are getting worse. I shouldn't have said anything to her until I talked to you, but now she's angry... or scared, we're both really scared, and she's having fevers... The things she says, they're really mean, sometimes just crazy, and she'll talk to the kids like they're still young and livin' here. I tried to look up the model online, but they don't make them on string anymore, with the knots, they just make them as a long unit of silicone. I asked her if she wanted to go to the hospital and she couldn't talk, she was so scared she started screaming, and then she couldn't scream anymore, she just laid there on the floor crying with her mouth open, like a fish gasping for air. I found the old ones the company makes, and they all have twelve beads or nine beads, they don't have who- whone ahem One with eight beads. So. The pictures would help us both sort this out."
 
2012-09-06 01:31:24 AM

JeffreyScott: My girlfriend's house was broken into and they stole two flat screen TV's.

BUT, they also located her hidden stash of sex toys and spread them all around her room. (She was glad her daughter didn't get home before her.) I knew she had a few sex toys but I never realized she had over thirty. I guess she was embarrassed to tell me the extent of her collection and had most hidden away.

That just confirmed, what I already knew, she is a total freak. BTW, I am not complaining.


4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-09-06 01:32:13 AM
They probably took photos of them for insurance purposes.
 
2012-09-06 01:42:48 AM

RatMaster999: Apos: It appears that someone was.....

*dons sunglasses*

......hard up for a sex toy.

/Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah!

People like you give me a weird vibe...


Which, coincidentally, is what one of the pictured items is as well.
 
2012-09-06 01:52:08 AM

Podna: Link

Obviously NSFW


Fark you, man. Fark. You. I'm at home sick, hopped up on NyQuil, about to go to bed. Did you know that the last thing you see before you go to bed (when you're on NyQuil) is what you'll dream of?

Thanks...

/ might as well watch some Bridgette the Midget and see what kinds of dreams I get...
 
2012-09-06 01:55:34 AM
Will society ever grow the fark up and stop making a fuss about sex, who's having it, and what hitachi magic wand attachment they are using, or are we condemned to live forever as a collective group of 6th graders regarding sex?
 
2012-09-06 02:13:04 AM
Those pictures will come in useful, you can post "Missing" posters around your neighborhood, like it's a lost puppy.
 
2012-09-06 02:18:45 AM
Without photos I'd have no proof to show Flo from Progressive that I really DID own the exceedingly rare Mule Tamer 5000 -- the one with the floor bolts and the long-lasting diesel engine that pays for itself in just a few hundred uses -- and not the consumer-grade Mule Tamer 4000XL which "works" on house current that simply can't deliver the amperage for adequate torque.
 
2012-09-06 02:18:53 AM

lordargent: [www.thedenverchannel.com image 640x480]


Why does that guy have a mechanical claw-hand?
 
2012-09-06 02:20:21 AM

Fluorescent Testicle: Why does that guy have a mechanical claw-hand?


That's right: A thread about sex toys, and I focus on the stock image of a dude with a claw-hand.

Good Lord, the Internet has numbed me to everything porn.
 
2012-09-06 02:23:36 AM

Fluorescent Testicle: lordargent: [www.thedenverchannel.com image 640x480]

Why does that guy have a mechanical claw-hand?


it's a sexy grabby toy
 
2012-09-06 02:23:44 AM

brap: Who doesn't take photos of their sex toys.


You forgot "in use"...
 
2012-09-06 03:09:39 AM

Fluorescent Testicle: lordargent: [www.thedenverchannel.com image 640x480]

Why does that guy have a mechanical claw-hand?


If you look at the image you will see that that is the shadow of someone holding a flashlight up to a window to peer into the room beyond.
 
2012-09-06 04:10:09 AM

Fluorescent Testicle: Fluorescent Testicle: Why does that guy have a mechanical claw-hand?

That's right: A thread about sex toys, and I focus on the stock image of a dude with a claw-hand.

Good Lord, the Internet has numbed me to everything porn.


Heh, I know the feeling :)
 
2012-09-06 04:35:13 AM
► Fluorescent Testicle: Why does that guy have a mechanical claw-hand?
► Omahawg: it's a sexy grabby toy


I thought it was a mage staff.
 
2012-09-06 04:36:03 AM
►snarketyfarker: If you look at the image you will see that that is the shadow of someone holding a flashlight up to a window to peer into the room beyond.

Through the curtains?
 
2012-09-06 08:24:28 AM
I imagine the pictures were kept in a wallet and taken out in response to other people showing pics of their kids.
"Oh yeah, well, this came out of MY vagina!"
 
2012-09-06 08:24:47 AM

lordargent: Hmm, enlarge?

[www.thedenverchannel.com image 640x480]

// is it just me, or are news sites getting more and more retarded by the day?


Getting robbed by a ghoul is NO laughing matter sir!
 
2012-09-06 09:15:18 AM
who doesn't have a pic of all their sex toys up on their tumblr?!


/I just never knew those pictures would do more than titillate the lonelies online
 
2012-09-06 10:20:46 AM

tinfoil-hat maggie: Fluorescent Testicle: Fluorescent Testicle: Why does that guy have a mechanical claw-hand?

That's right: A thread about sex toys, and I focus on the stock image of a dude with a claw-hand.

Good Lord, the Internet has numbed me to everything porn.

Heh, I know the feeling :)


Somehow, I knew I'd find you in here.
 
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