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(Philly Burbs)   Hey, gramps, is that $68 worth of packaged meats in your pants or are you just glad to see me?   (phillyburbs.com ) divider line
    More: Asinine, Hey, Perry County, Pennsylvania State Police  
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3387 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Sep 2012 at 1:50 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



40 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2012-09-05 01:29:54 PM  
Maybe Grandpa was going to a party. That means he needed to bring his meat, and some lemons for the party.
 
2012-09-05 01:50:46 PM  
I'm sure it would have been much more entertaining if it were unpackaged
 
2012-09-05 01:52:26 PM  
cbswzgc.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-09-05 01:52:42 PM  
From his college yearbook.
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-09-05 01:53:10 PM  
"Looks like you put on some weight since you came in..."

"It's just a prank! I'm pledging a fraternity."
 
2012-09-05 01:53:31 PM  

Rwa2play: [cbswzgc.files.wordpress.com image 385x238]


18 seconds! *shakes fist*
 
2012-09-05 01:55:06 PM  
He tied the meat packages together with his saggy old man danglin' low ball sack.
 
2012-09-05 01:57:43 PM  
www.bluesbrotherscentral.com

That would be 'variety meats', Dave...
 
2012-09-05 01:59:16 PM  

Lone Stranger: He tied the meat packages together with his saggy old man danglin' low ball sack.


Do his balls hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can he tie them in a knot? Can he tie them in a bow? Can he throw them over his shoulder like a continental soldier? Do his balls hang low?
 
gja
2012-09-05 02:00:58 PM  
Sandusky thread again? So soon?
 
2012-09-05 02:01:46 PM  

gja: Sandusky thread again? So soon?


No, that's a story about an old man packing meat in a little can.
 
2012-09-05 02:07:00 PM  
$68. So he stole one steak.
 
2012-09-05 02:10:19 PM  
What, he couldn't afford any Fancy Feast this week?
 
gja
2012-09-05 02:10:26 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: gja: Sandusky thread again? So soon?

No, that's a story about an old man packing meat in a little can.


Oh dayum...!!!!

You SO owe me a pack of monitor wipes! LOL

/note to self, refrain from reading FARKticles while eating pretzels
 
2012-09-05 02:12:37 PM  
A joke so nice, you had to say it thrice.
 
2012-09-05 02:15:46 PM  
No, no, grampa! I said "it's a scary area, you should try packing some heat".
 
2012-09-05 02:16:16 PM  
I paid for that steak! I'm their father!
 
2012-09-05 02:16:54 PM  
And now, the rest of the story:

After Grandpa was apprehended and the police work done, the supermarket took the packet of meat that had been in Grandpa's pants (and probably sitting on a table at room temp for hours afterwards), put in back in the cooler and sold it to some innocent customer who prepared and ate it and/or fed it to others. And Grandpa's under arrest foe being hungry. Thanks a lot Barack.
 
2012-09-05 02:20:52 PM  
"Summary retail theft" O_o? WTF ever happened to good, ol' fashioned "Shoplifting"?

Back in my younger years, I often chased the m*therf*cking shoplifting scum out of the store and down the street. That's about the retail value of a set of T-bone steaks I recovered one time, after running down what appeared to be a former HS track star. After three blocks and a rather nerve-wracking hunt around several huge firewalls at the nearby ghetto apartment complex, in exasperation he threw them back at me and screamed "JUST TAKE 'EM, MAN!" and he ran off (I was winded at that point.) Turns out that he also had several boxes of diaper rash ointment as well.

damned assholes, driving up prices with shrink. We used to find warm meat hiding in the side aisles of the market all the time, where the bastards would stash the meat either in hopes of making a run for it when they thought the doors were clear, or would ditch the meat because they knew they were being followed. We'd also find a lot of "nests": grocery carts with the sides built up with tall items like 12-packs or cereal boxes, designed to obscure the fact that there would be a huge stack of meat hiding in the center, ready to get grabbed for the mad dash out. Empty 'nests' usually meant that we had been successfully robbed.

Even more sad would be when the incredibly high relatives would try to bring back stolen meat for a "refund", often in a package from a competitor, and/or with non-matching receipt(s).

My favorite moments in shoplifting involved watching these losers get smashed into the ground by store security, brutalized on the way back to the holding room. We didn't have cameras back in those days, so the security guy was rather fond of "sending a message" back to the 'hood that we didn't take that shiat from anyone, and as he was Black, he was especially cruel to other Blacks. We all just turned a blind eye and let him "do his job", which amounted to counter-terrorism with torture. Funny how the police never asked any questions, and we'd never see the same face twice.
 
2012-09-05 02:22:38 PM  
I used to work in a grocery store. Meat is one of the most commonly shoplifted-items.

/paging CanadianCommie to the thread...
 
2012-09-05 02:23:06 PM  
Would you like another schnitzengruben?
i7.photobucket.com
15 Is My Limit On Schnitzengruben
 
2012-09-05 02:25:14 PM  

fawlty: And now, the rest of the story:

After Grandpa was apprehended and the police work done, the supermarket took the packet of meat that had been in Grandpa's pants (and probably sitting on a table at room temp for hours afterwards), put in back in the cooler and sold it to some innocent customer who prepared and ate it and/or fed it to others. And Grandpa's under arrest foe being hungry. Thanks a lot Barack.


Not very often. If the meat was still cold, the market manager would inspect the package, and if the cellophane was undamaged, he would re-pack it and put it out. If the package was damaged, he'd make a judgement call on whether or not the meat was possibly contaminated. If he had any doubts, he'd bring in two managers for approval, mark it down, and sell it to himself. It had been my anecdotal experience at the time in several different stores that the meat market men were very honest, and would curse up a storm while destroying questionable meat.

Also: never date a girl whose father wears his own set of custom knives strapped to his side at all times. Just a caveat from the nepotistic world of the grocery store.
 
2012-09-05 02:27:32 PM  
That's what, two steaks?
 
2012-09-05 02:28:51 PM  

CraicBaby: I used to work in a grocery store. Meat is one of the most commonly shoplifted-items.

/paging CanadianCommie to the thread...


Meat, cigs, and HBA. Back when tobacco was a big mover, we had a *gargantuan* rack at the front of the store, and we would often have sad attempts at smash-and-grabs. It was NOT easy to get cartons out of those racks, and we would enjoy the look of terror on the farkers faces when they realized all it did was slow them down while we moved in for the kill. If they ran, sometimes the cashiers would get lucky and trip the bastards, and gravity would save us the effort of the beat-down. Of course no matter what happened, "they fell down" was the obvious response when the police would ask what happened to their face(s).
 
2012-09-05 02:33:53 PM  
He's just wrapping it for safe packs.
 
2012-09-05 02:34:24 PM  

apaster16: Good luck fitting that in your pants...


I guess there's still a sucker born every minute.
 
2012-09-05 02:39:20 PM  
75 years old, probably fixed income and tired of eating cat food so he gets busted for stealing meat.

Thats some fine police work there Lou
 
gja
2012-09-05 02:39:23 PM  

stonicus: I paid for that steak! I'm their father!


encrypted-tbn2.google.com
 
2012-09-05 02:44:11 PM  

Glenford: Rwa2play: [cbswzgc.files.wordpress.com image 385x238]

18 seconds! *shakes fist*


Couldn't think of a snarky comment to post alongside it; but the pic speaks for itself. :D

/
 
2012-09-05 02:52:12 PM  

thespindrifter: Not very often. If the meat was still cold, the market manager would inspect the package, and if the cellophane was undamaged, he would re-pack it and put it out. If the package was damaged, he'd make a judgement call on whether or not the meat was possibly contaminated. If he had any doubts, he'd bring in two managers for approval, mark it down, and sell it to himself. It had been my anecdotal experience at the time in several different stores that the meat market men were very honest, and would curse up a storm while destroying questionable meat.


Killjoy.
 
2012-09-05 02:53:51 PM  

thespindrifter: CraicBaby: I used to work in a grocery store. Meat is one of the most commonly shoplifted-items.

/paging CanadianCommie to the thread...

Meat, cigs, and HBA. Back when tobacco was a big mover, we had a *gargantuan* rack at the front of the store, and we would often have sad attempts at smash-and-grabs. It was NOT easy to get cartons out of those racks, and we would enjoy the look of terror on the farkers faces when they realized all it did was slow them down while we moved in for the kill. If they ran, sometimes the cashiers would get lucky and trip the bastards, and gravity would save us the effort of the beat-down. Of course no matter what happened, "they fell down" was the obvious response when the police would ask what happened to their face(s).


The store where I worked eventually quit selling cigarettes because the province passed a law that said tobacco products couldn't be displayed, so we didn't have to worry about that. We had a no-chase policy, so we weren't allowed to chase shoplifters down if they ran. I worked at a sporting goods store, though, where they would chase them down. One time, one of our assistant managers (who was ex-military) chased a kid outside the store and an off-duty cop just happened to be walking by. The cop tackled the kid and promptly marched his ass back into the store.

/CSB
 
2012-09-05 02:57:59 PM  
Packaged meats in you pants is nothing. Whole hog snouts under your skirt is something else...
data.whicdn.com
 
2012-09-05 02:58:45 PM  
i.ytimg.com
 
2012-09-05 03:01:48 PM  

CraicBaby: We had a no-chase policy, so we weren't allowed to chase shoplifters down if they ran.


We did also, but that never stopped me. Manager would scream some bullshiat about "liability" if anyone involved ever got hurt, and my usual response was "you're welcome". I didn't give a damn; as long as they were unarmed, it was my call IMHO. What were they going to do, fire me? not very many people were in line for that job, and certainly not at that pay, in that 'hood.

CraicBaby: One time, one of our assistant managers (who was ex-military) chased a kid outside the store and an off-duty cop just happened to be walking by. The cop tackled the kid and promptly marched his ass back into the store.


Niiiiice! I love good Samaritans, when they don't get themselves killed in the process.
 
2012-09-05 03:08:40 PM  

gja: stonicus: I paid for that steak! I'm their father!

[encrypted-tbn2.google.com image 303x166]


I couldn't find that pic... nice...
 
2012-09-05 03:12:50 PM  
Always look around, before you heist the ground round.
 
2012-09-05 03:14:10 PM  
Strobeguy
75 years old, probably fixed income and tired of eating cat food so he gets busted for stealing meat.
Thats some fine police work there Lou

i moved away from newport about a dozen years ago. that supermarket is not within walking distance for many people and i doubt newport has public transportation now. he needed a car. newport has/had great fishing and hunting and a lifetime license probably still costs almost nothing for a old timer. if he can stuff meat down his pants he could also sit in his car at little buffalo park/lake which is right in town while fishing and his fishing pole is 2 feet from the car. the park also allows hunting. the local schools close for a day or 2 during deer hunting season just so the kids can go hunting. if you have any friends at all if you can't hunt yourself they should be able to give you some meat if they get lucky.
 
2012-09-05 04:05:27 PM  

starlost: Strobeguy
75 years old, probably fixed income and tired of eating cat food so he gets busted for stealing meat.
Thats some fine police work there Lou

i moved away from newport about a dozen years ago. that supermarket is not within walking distance for many people and i doubt newport has public transportation now. he needed a car. newport has/had great fishing and hunting and a lifetime license probably still costs almost nothing for a old timer. if he can stuff meat down his pants he could also sit in his car at little buffalo park/lake which is right in town while fishing and his fishing pole is 2 feet from the car. the park also allows hunting. the local schools close for a day or 2 during deer hunting season just so the kids can go hunting. if you have any friends at all if you can't hunt yourself they should be able to give you some meat if they get lucky.


Quite the assumption there assuming he hasnt already pawned his fishing gear and hunting rifle.
Maybe he should just shoot the fisherman and steal thier fish?
Senoir citizens hate to beg.
 
2012-09-06 12:33:18 AM  
That's Perry County Pennsylvania's Florida.
 
2012-09-06 08:02:22 AM  

reddfrogg: That's Perry County Pennsylvania's Florida.


Hey! That's where my dad's family is from!

Confirmed, though. When you drive up PA 74, the first thing you see when you crest the mountain and enter Perry County is a piece of property with rebel flags all over the place. Any road with more than two lanes (there aren't many) has a lane reserved for horse buggies.

And why is this on "phillyburbs.com"? Perry County isn't a suburb of Philadelphia. It's barely even a suburb of Harrisburg.
 
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