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(Fox News)   Man swallows $13,000, 1.5 carat diamond at Sri Lankan exhibition: If it wasn't a blood diamond to begin with, it probably is one now   (foxnews.com) divider line 52
    More: Dumbass, Sri Lankan, Sri Lanka, diamonds, exhibitions  
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3929 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Sep 2012 at 2:25 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-05 11:09:50 AM  
And soon, it will be a poop diamond.
 
2012-09-05 11:27:19 AM  
Sorry subby, your fantasy of eating some bloodied diamond poop from your lover's anus won't work out in real life. I saw this on Mythbusters.

// 1.5 carats isn't very big. This link goes to a PDF which purportedly will print out the actual size of various diamonds. (Be sure to check "actual size" on print properties.)

// He could probably have eaten a bag of them and worked them through without any problems.
 
2012-09-05 11:27:27 AM  
www2.picturepush.com
 
2012-09-05 11:35:55 AM  
i.imgur.com 

Unavailable for Comment.
 
2012-09-05 11:42:51 AM  
Lock him in a room with nothing but a bottle of gatorade, a box of laxitives, a large bucket, and a small strainer.

He gets out when the diamond is returned.
 
2012-09-05 12:15:23 PM  
Isn't it usually the woman who swallows to get a ring like that?
 
2012-09-05 12:30:50 PM  
Someone's gonna perforate his bowels.

/mmm... death by septic shock
 
2012-09-05 12:33:33 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com

obscure?
 
2012-09-05 12:38:26 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2012-09-05 01:50:47 PM  
How about some ass pennies in exchange?
 
2012-09-05 02:29:29 PM  
Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight, if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd get diamonds!
 
2012-09-05 02:29:46 PM  
I think that any diamond-certification program should include whether or not your diamond has ever been through a man's digestive tract.
 
2012-09-05 02:32:57 PM  
It really doesn't explain why. It doesn't sound like he was trying to steal it. Was it a protest? Just plain looney?
 
2012-09-05 02:37:16 PM  
The recovery should be remarkable.
 
2012-09-05 02:42:06 PM  
Does anyone else realize that a 'blood diamond' is any diamond that does not come through the corrupt and morally bankrupt debeers cartel?
 
2012-09-05 02:43:41 PM  
Pretty impressive that he managed to swallow $13k AND a diamond. I mean the $13k seems like that would be hard enough...
 
2012-09-05 02:45:02 PM  
www.laurahanifin.com

"You ate what now, sweetie?"
 
2012-09-05 02:46:39 PM  
Time to borrow the Drug Loo from US Customs.

http://www.cbp.gov/xp/CustomsToday/2002/April/custoday_drug.xml
 
2012-09-05 02:50:17 PM  

Oznog: I think that any diamond-certification program should include whether or not your diamond has ever been through a man's digestive tract.


Hmmm.....

/off to trademark "DiamondFax"

"It says here this diamond was excreted in a Type 3 Stool along with noticable corn kernels on September 5th 2012. I think you're going to have to come down on the price by $2,000 for that!"
 
2012-09-05 02:51:01 PM  

Hershey Highway Patrol: Isn't it usually the woman who swallows to get a ring like that?


Win.
 
2012-09-05 02:51:03 PM  
So the suspect, Chou Wan, swallowed your diamond?

No sir, he just swallowed it whole without chewin'.
 
2012-09-05 02:51:44 PM  

TheHighlandHowler: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x162]

obscure?


Nothing's obscure on Fark. You'll be hearing from my lawyer, Abe Greenberg.

/afghanistan banana stand
 
2012-09-05 02:53:16 PM  
Dragon gotta eat!
 
2012-09-05 02:54:47 PM  
The eye doctor meant these.

www.westcoastseeds.com
 
2012-09-05 03:05:18 PM  
My brother-in-law is a Sri Lankan gem dealer, so I'm getting a kick...
 
2012-09-05 03:07:07 PM  

Aeon Rising: Does anyone else realize that a 'blood diamond' is any diamond that does not come through the corrupt and morally bankrupt debeers cartel?


False.
Diamonds from the Ekati (sic?), GE Pegasus diamonds, cremain diamonds are not blood diamonds. Ekati is Canadian, GE's are industrial diamonds beautified to look pretty, and the cremains diamonds are considered synth. None are sold through the DeBeers diamond exchange, and should have certificates and or laser etching on the girdle

//Fark hobbyist gemologists represent
//depending on the cut, 1.5ct is about a 6-7 mm stone
 
2012-09-05 03:14:23 PM  

notmtwain: Sorry subby, your fantasy of eating some bloodied diamond poop from your lover's anus won't work out in real life. I saw this on Mythbusters.

// 1.5 carats isn't very big. This link goes to a PDF which purportedly will print out the actual size of various diamonds. (Be sure to check "actual size" on print properties.)

// He could probably have eaten a bag of them and worked them through without any problems.


Is there a second page I'm missing? I need the PDF which shows the actual size of a human anus for comparison.
 
2012-09-05 03:23:17 PM  

JesseL: My brother-in-law is a Sri Lankan gem dealer, so I'm getting a kick...


True story. Back in 1980 give or take a year, before the Troubles there, I was in USNS Wilkes in the Indian Ocean, stopping now and then at Colombo. We were told by an Old Hand (he had a lot of fun with us, most of which we didn't figure out til later) that the best gems could be had on Gem Street in downtown Colombo. He told us, "the Buddhist dealers are on one side of the street. The Hindu dealers are on the other side. Avoid them all. Go down to the end of the street and stop at Muhammad Ali's shop. Only honest man on the street. Tell him I sent you. You'll be glad you did."

So we make port call in Colombo (something to see, only place I've been where the stevedores all wear sarongs), and head down to gem street. Sure enough, the Sinhalese shops are on the left, the Tamil shops are on the right. We walk down to the end and there's Muhammad Ali's. We walk in expecting to see some big Muslim guy, like the boxer. Out comes this tiny, ancient, brown, bent-over guy who looks exactly like Gunga Din. He recognizes us as Americans, shows us to his displays, no pressure. I didn't buy anything then but my friends did and they wound up very happy with their purchases.

Two-three years later I'm back in Colombo, and I'm looking for a nice-sized stone. Make a beeline to the end of Gem Street. Sure enough, Muhammad Ali's is still there. I walk in, the old guy is still there, browner, more ancient, more bent over. He sees me and cries out "American ship Wil-keys!" Recognized me instantly. Bought a very nice sapphire from him, not a native stone but a real steal. Thirty years later and it's in my wife's wedding ring. Wonder if Muhammad Ali's still there.

/ask me about the tea plantations, Kandy, and meeting Sir Arthur C. Clarke
 
2012-09-05 03:38:14 PM  
Of course they took him to Dr. Anil
 
2012-09-05 03:45:43 PM  

North_Central_Positronics


pic of dog


"The dog! The dog must have had it!"

"Tony... Look in the dog."
 
2012-09-05 03:47:34 PM  

notmtwain: Sorry subby, your fantasy of eating some bloodied diamond poop from your lover's anus won't work out in real life. I saw this on Mythbusters.

// 1.5 carats isn't very big. This link goes to a PDF which purportedly will print out the actual size of various diamonds. (Be sure to check "actual size" on print properties.)

// He could probably have eaten a bag of them and worked them through without any problems.


It's not so much the size, it's the cut that's going to cause problems. A square-cut, not too bad. Princess cut? Might hurt a wee bit more if it gets lodged in a tight corner.
 
2012-09-05 03:51:53 PM  

MBooda: True story...


I just spent a week in Sri Lanka. Cool place, great food (if you can handle spicy), nice people. It's just too damn far.

Didn't buy any gems while I was there, but my wife's wedding ring stone is an alexandrite from Sri Lanka. Looks way nicer & more interesting than a diamond, is actually rare, and to hell with De Beers.

/I know, CSB in reply to his CSB
 
2012-09-05 04:00:10 PM  
The worst thing that will happen is that the diamond is probably going to get etched from the stomach acids and stuff.... maybe.
 
2012-09-05 04:03:49 PM  

biatchqueen: Ekati (sic?), GE Pegasus diamonds, cremain diamonds are not blood diamonds. Ekati is Canadian, GE's are industrial diamonds beautified to look pretty, and the cremains diamonds are considered synth. None are sold through the DeBeers diamond exchange, and should have certificates and or laser etching


But I hate debeers, and your comment undermines one of my reasons for my feelings towards them.

That means I feel threatened by you and therefore must call you a troll.

1/10... nice try... NOT!
 
2012-09-05 04:09:26 PM  

Needlessly Complicated: The worst thing that will happen is that the diamond is probably going to get etched from the stomach acids and stuff.... maybe.


Not at the temperatures in any human stomach.
 
2012-09-05 04:20:43 PM  

Oznog: I need the PDF which shows the actual size of a human anus for comparison.


So you're saying you don't have any human anus of your own handy.
 
2012-09-05 04:43:14 PM  

MBooda: Oznog: I need the PDF which shows the actual size of a human anus for comparison.

So you're saying you don't have any human anus of your own handy.


Not that I care to measure.
 
2012-09-05 04:58:20 PM  

Oznog: MBooda: Oznog: I need the PDF which shows the actual size of a human anus for comparison.

So you're saying you don't have any human anus of your own handy.

Not that I care to measure.


Plus it's kind of tricky to do unless you have help.
 
2012-09-05 05:47:47 PM  
Incredible headline.
 
2012-09-05 05:57:53 PM  

MBooda: JesseL: My brother-in-law is a Sri Lankan gem dealer, so I'm getting a kick...

True story. Back in 1980 give or take a year, before the Troubles there, I was in USNS Wilkes in the Indian Ocean, stopping now and then at Colombo. We were told by an Old Hand (he had a lot of fun with us, most of which we didn't figure out til later) that the best gems could be had on Gem Street in downtown Colombo. He told us, "the Buddhist dealers are on one side of the street. The Hindu dealers are on the other side. Avoid them all. Go down to the end of the street and stop at Muhammad Ali's shop. Only honest man on the street. Tell him I sent you. You'll be glad you did."

So we make port call in Colombo (something to see, only place I've been where the stevedores all wear sarongs), and head down to gem street. Sure enough, the Sinhalese shops are on the left, the Tamil shops are on the right. We walk down to the end and there's Muhammad Ali's. We walk in expecting to see some big Muslim guy, like the boxer. Out comes this tiny, ancient, brown, bent-over guy who looks exactly like Gunga Din. He recognizes us as Americans, shows us to his displays, no pressure. I didn't buy anything then but my friends did and they wound up very happy with their purchases.

Two-three years later I'm back in Colombo, and I'm looking for a nice-sized stone. Make a beeline to the end of Gem Street. Sure enough, Muhammad Ali's is still there. I walk in, the old guy is still there, browner, more ancient, more bent over. He sees me and cries out "American ship Wil-keys!" Recognized me instantly. Bought a very nice sapphire from him, not a native stone but a real steal. Thirty years later and it's in my wife's wedding ring. Wonder if Muhammad Ali's still there.

/ask me about the tea plantations, Kandy, and meeting Sir Arthur C. Clarke


Honestly cool story, bro.
 
2012-09-05 06:05:54 PM  

ertai_lapis: MBooda: JesseL: My brother-in-law is a Sri Lankan gem dealer, so I'm getting a kick...

True story. Back in 1980 give or take a year, before the Troubles there, I was in USNS Wilkes in the Indian Ocean, stopping now and then at Colombo. We were told by an Old Hand (he had a lot of fun with us, most of which we didn't figure out til later) that the best gems could be had on Gem Street in downtown Colombo. He told us, "the Buddhist dealers are on one side of the street. The Hindu dealers are on the other side. Avoid them all. Go down to the end of the street and stop at Muhammad Ali's shop. Only honest man on the street. Tell him I sent you. You'll be glad you did."

So we make port call in Colombo (something to see, only place I've been where the stevedores all wear sarongs), and head down to gem street. Sure enough, the Sinhalese shops are on the left, the Tamil shops are on the right. We walk down to the end and there's Muhammad Ali's. We walk in expecting to see some big Muslim guy, like the boxer. Out comes this tiny, ancient, brown, bent-over guy who looks exactly like Gunga Din. He recognizes us as Americans, shows us to his displays, no pressure. I didn't buy anything then but my friends did and they wound up very happy with their purchases.

Two-three years later I'm back in Colombo, and I'm looking for a nice-sized stone. Make a beeline to the end of Gem Street. Sure enough, Muhammad Ali's is still there. I walk in, the old guy is still there, browner, more ancient, more bent over. He sees me and cries out "American ship Wil-keys!" Recognized me instantly. Bought a very nice sapphire from him, not a native stone but a real steal. Thirty years later and it's in my wife's wedding ring. Wonder if Muhammad Ali's still there.

/ask me about the tea plantations, Kandy, and meeting Sir Arthur C. Clarke

Honestly cool story, bro.


That's the kind of story you write down so you can tell your grandkids someday.
 
2012-09-05 06:20:21 PM  
That's gotta be hell on 'roids.
 
2012-09-05 07:59:06 PM  
So the guy got stoned?
 
2012-09-05 08:14:05 PM  

Oznog: notmtwain: Sorry subby, your fantasy of eating some bloodied diamond poop from your lover's anus won't work out in real life. I saw this on Mythbusters.

// 1.5 carats isn't very big. This link goes to a PDF which purportedly will print out the actual size of various diamonds. (Be sure to check "actual size" on print properties.)

// He could probably have eaten a bag of them and worked them through without any problems.

Is there a second page I'm missing? I need the PDF which shows the actual size of a human anus for comparison.


Roll 1d100 under the F.A.T.A.L. system
 
2012-09-05 08:57:24 PM  
That dealer seized on the press opportunity to hyperinflate his price on the stone. 1.5ct, even for a good stone, is worth maybe $4K for great cut and clarity.
 
2012-09-05 09:14:02 PM  
"This, too, shall come to pass."
 
2012-09-05 10:27:11 PM  
Good thing the dealer called the cops, I'm sure there were a couple of guys in a nearby alley that would have happily extracted it for a few hundred rupees.
No questions asked.
 
2012-09-05 10:40:40 PM  

MBooda: JesseL: My brother-in-law is a Sri Lankan gem dealer, so I'm getting a kick...

True story. Back in 1980 give or take a year, before the Troubles there, I was in USNS Wilkes in the Indian Ocean, stopping now and then at Colombo. We were told by an Old Hand (he had a lot of fun with us, most of which we didn't figure out til later) that the best gems could be had on Gem Street in downtown Colombo. He told us, "the Buddhist dealers are on one side of the street. The Hindu dealers are on the other side. Avoid them all. Go down to the end of the street and stop at Muhammad Ali's shop. Only honest man on the street. Tell him I sent you. You'll be glad you did."

So we make port call in Colombo (something to see, only place I've been where the stevedores all wear sarongs), and head down to gem street. Sure enough, the Sinhalese shops are on the left, the Tamil shops are on the right. We walk down to the end and there's Muhammad Ali's. We walk in expecting to see some big Muslim guy, like the boxer. Out comes this tiny, ancient, brown, bent-over guy who looks exactly like Gunga Din. He recognizes us as Americans, shows us to his displays, no pressure. I didn't buy anything then but my friends did and they wound up very happy with their purchases.

Two-three years later I'm back in Colombo, and I'm looking for a nice-sized stone. Make a beeline to the end of Gem Street. Sure enough, Muhammad Ali's is still there. I walk in, the old guy is still there, browner, more ancient, more bent over. He sees me and cries out "American ship Wil-keys!" Recognized me instantly. Bought a very nice sapphire from him, not a native stone but a real steal. Thirty years later and it's in my wife's wedding ring. Wonder if Muhammad Ali's still there.

/ask me about the tea plantations, Kandy, and meeting Sir Arthur C. Clarke


It has been mentioned, your experiences need to written down. Your family, and others who have known old salts, would love to have the opportunity read them. In a hundred years, or even a few decades, those places and the ability to have those experiences may have gone the way of the bulk carriers.
 
2012-09-05 11:02:11 PM  

star_topology: Incredible headline.


Thanks! :D

The only thing I'm worried about now is that I might run out of room on my profile to post any moreof my successful headlines.

/submitter person
 
2012-09-05 11:04:22 PM  
more of, as well.
 
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