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(ABC)   Bear "epidemic" in the west. Stephen Colbert warned us about this, but we all just laughed at him. Well, who's laughing now Colorado, Montana, Wyoming?   (abcnews.go.com) divider line 153
    More: Scary, Colorado, Wildlife Department, Randy Hampton, epidemics  
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11115 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Sep 2012 at 10:04 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-04 09:28:56 AM
I am. At Colorado, Montana, and Wyoming.
 
2012-09-04 09:33:46 AM
That's why in Georgia you're allowed to take one black bear a year with a big game license.. I've yet to bag one myself though I spotted one on an occasion and couldn't get a good shot so didn't try. I've seen others up north and they come into the city every now and then. Even into Atlanta.. Last year there were two or three running around my neighborhood. farking bears..
 
2012-09-04 10:01:49 AM
We've got two that have been moving through our backyard on and off the last couple of weeks. Not a big deal really, just don't feed them. They'll move on.

/after they wreck the goddamn apple trees anyway...
 
2012-09-04 10:08:30 AM

ozebb: We've got two that have been moving through our backyard on and off the last couple of weeks. Not a big deal really, just don't feed them. They'll move on.

/after they wreck the goddamn apple trees anyway...


Guess what gets wrecked after the apple trees run out of apples?

/bears don't just move on when they run out of food
//they keep going back to the places they found food before, and tear up more stuff till they find more food
 
2012-09-04 10:08:50 AM
img638.imageshack.us
 
2012-09-04 10:10:06 AM
the problem with bears and folks mixing is that folks tend to leave body parts lying around and it takes away from the natural beauty of the land.
 
2012-09-04 10:10:10 AM
Black bears you say? I suggest a tabby cat for protection.

news.nationalgeographic.com
 
2012-09-04 10:11:18 AM
It's bad news for people like Melissa Carroll of Eagle, Colo.
newspaper.li
 
2012-09-04 10:12:59 AM
This happens every freaking fall in the west. I was just thinking I should get out and go look for some bears, since I know they're starting their rampage about now.

What I find more interesting is our obsession with wild animals, while just about everything we do is designed to make them scarce and less threatening. But we luurrveee bears!!!----Maybe someone could go out and declaw them though, since they might hurt my purebred Nerfy-schoodle. Otherwise, I'm suing the city when my cat disappears.
 
2012-09-04 10:13:54 AM

Rich Cream: Black bears you say? I suggest a tabby cat for protection.

[news.nationalgeographic.com image 461x615]


Exactly, GRIZZLY bears? that's some scary shiat, but Black bears are basically oversized raccoons, which is to say "mostly harmless"
 
2012-09-04 10:14:15 AM
www.totalpackers.com
 
2012-09-04 10:15:25 AM

Magorn: "mostly harmless"


Oh look. Black bear crap with Magorn bits in it.
 
2012-09-04 10:19:18 AM

Magorn: Exactly, GRIZZLY bears? that's some scary shiat, but Black bears are basically oversized raccoons, which is to say "mostly harmless"


Tell that to Donna Munson.

/well, she actually did think black bears were mostly harmless, even fed them regularly as pets
//she knows better now, or did for the few seconds before she was eaten
 
2012-09-04 10:20:09 AM
Easy solution, domesticate them.
 
2012-09-04 10:20:56 AM
On it.
simpsonswiki.net
 
2012-09-04 10:23:13 AM

xynix: That's why in Georgia you're allowed to take one black bear a year with a big game license.. I've yet to bag one myself though I spotted one on an occasion and couldn't get a good shot so didn't try. I've seen others up north and they come into the city every now and then. Even into Atlanta.. Last year there were two or three running around my neighborhood. farking bears..


That sounds incredibly stupid. The habitat is probably already stressed by the number of bears. I bet the real problem is a human epidemic, with too many humans building unnecessary suburbs close to the bears' homes. Fark your suburbs.
 
2012-09-04 10:24:58 AM

Magorn: Rich Cream: Black bears you say? I suggest a tabby cat for protection.

[news.nationalgeographic.com image 461x615]

Exactly, GRIZZLY bears? that's some scary shiat, but Black bears are basically oversized raccoons, which is to say "mostly harmless"


We have a 7' tall when standing 550lb black bear in the area that has learned to open car doors to get food inside (stupid tourists) and opened an outdoor walk in freezer for the cafe up the hill from us (10k damage, not bright on their part not to have that door secured better). Right now he's a raccoon but all it'd take is one bad food gathering fall one year and he's a BIG problem. Much bigger than a raccoon.
 
2012-09-04 10:30:42 AM

Bennie Crabtree: xynix: That's why in Georgia you're allowed to take one black bear a year with a big game license.. I've yet to bag one myself though I spotted one on an occasion and couldn't get a good shot so didn't try. I've seen others up north and they come into the city every now and then. Even into Atlanta.. Last year there were two or three running around my neighborhood. farking bears..

That sounds incredibly stupid. The habitat is probably already stressed by the number of bears. I bet the real problem is a human epidemic, with too many humans building unnecessary suburbs close to the bears' homes. Fark your suburbs.


You think it's tough controlling animal populations, try controlling human populations. If you don't live w/in a quarter mile of a river, you live in what was once a suburb. Everyone wants to be the last one in. "No more 'burbs!"

Too many people, period. They have to live somewhere.
 
2012-09-04 10:31:32 AM
...well, you could live rural too, but not most on Fark.
 
2012-09-04 10:32:11 AM
Having friends up in the mountains who woke up to a bear (probably a cub) in the house... yeah, this is not going to be a fun year.

/if only he'd gotten into their habanero pepper collection, he'd never come back...
 
2012-09-04 10:33:14 AM

xaldin: Magorn: Rich Cream: Black bears you say? I suggest a tabby cat for protection.

[news.nationalgeographic.com image 461x615]

Exactly, GRIZZLY bears? that's some scary shiat, but Black bears are basically oversized raccoons, which is to say "mostly harmless"

We have a 7' tall when standing 550lb black bear in the area that has learned to open car doors to get food inside (stupid tourists) and opened an outdoor walk in freezer for the cafe up the hill from us (10k damage, not bright on their part not to have that door secured better). Right now he's a raccoon but all it'd take is one bad food gathering fall one year and he's a BIG problem. Much bigger than a raccoon.


Okay for the XXXL-sized Black Bears you might need one of these cute lil' guys instead of a Tabby cat:
pikimusta.webpark.cz

Karelian bear dogs
 
2012-09-04 10:35:04 AM
They should locate the bear nests and destroy their eggs. That would thin the population in future years.
 
2012-09-04 10:35:09 AM
It's a real epidemic when it gets spread person-to-person.
 
2012-09-04 10:35:30 AM
3.bp.blogspot.com

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed Bearack Obearma.
 
2012-09-04 10:37:08 AM
Moon Bears?

Link
 
2012-09-04 10:37:21 AM

planes: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x300]

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed Bearack Obearma.


Thats not a half black bear though...
 
2012-09-04 10:37:51 AM
farm4.staticflickr.com
 
2012-09-04 10:38:23 AM
I saw one coming down into town when I was hiking last week . Silly bears.
 
2012-09-04 10:39:56 AM

planes: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x300]

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed Bearack Obearma.


why does it have to be a black bear?

thats wacist!
 
2012-09-04 10:41:18 AM
Lackwits piloting two tons of steel are a much greater danger to me. How many can I shoot each year?
 
2012-09-04 10:41:51 AM
Bears to watch out for
emtoast.com
johnnyism.files.wordpress.com
i1.squidoocdn.com
images.businessweek.com
 
2012-09-04 10:42:49 AM
images.pictureshunt.com

Just leave some pic-a-nic baskets out for 'em.
 
2012-09-04 10:45:02 AM
Scary? I guess Subby's a sissy city boy. Black bears are not a problem, if you leave them alone. One would think that the residents of these western states would do what people in Appalachia do: eliminate sources of food around your homes.
 
2012-09-04 10:45:19 AM
I ran into a bear last year. And I literally mean I ran into one.

I live in Florida and we have them come out at night to turn over our trashcans. It was about 9:30, I was jogging, and I was passing a driveway with two cars. Just as I was going past the cars, a smallish black bear came out from between the cars, and I actually bumped into it.

I must have jumped backward about 15 feet. The bear, to its credit, decided that chasing after and mauling a yelping, backwards hopping madman wasn't a good investment of its time and went off the other way.

I don't jog at night anymore.
 
2012-09-04 10:45:32 AM

Bennie Crabtree: xynix: That's why in Georgia you're allowed to take one black bear a year with a big game license.. I've yet to bag one myself though I spotted one on an occasion and couldn't get a good shot so didn't try. I've seen others up north and they come into the city every now and then. Even into Atlanta.. Last year there were two or three running around my neighborhood. farking bears..

That sounds incredibly stupid. The habitat is probably already stressed by the number of bears. I bet the real problem is a human epidemic, with too many humans building unnecessary suburbs close to the bears' homes. Fark your suburbs.


IT IS NEVER EVER EVER EVER ANY HUMAN'S FAULT!!1! THOSE ELEPHANTS IN AFRICA BEING SLAUGHTERED IN RECORD NUMBERS FOR THEIR IVORY??? THEY STEPPED IN FRONT OF A LOADED GUN!!1! HUMAN BEINGS HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO DO WHATEVER THEY WANT WHENEVER THEY WANT!!1!

/sorry I flared. YMMV
 
2012-09-04 10:45:54 AM

Sin_City_Superhero: [images.pictureshunt.com image 445x563]

Just leave some pic-a-nic baskets out for 'em.


A big pic-a-nic basket.
media.naplesnews.com
 
2012-09-04 10:47:31 AM

planes: as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.


So they live in a southern or midwestern state, where most they take more money than they give to the federal government, and use most all of the subsidies, public assistance, welfare, and social security, and give far less back into the system?

And you think they'd vote democrat?
 
2012-09-04 10:48:16 AM

Bennie Crabtree: xynix: That's why in Georgia you're allowed to take one black bear a year with a big game license.. I've yet to bag one myself though I spotted one on an occasion and couldn't get a good shot so didn't try. I've seen others up north and they come into the city every now and then. Even into Atlanta.. Last year there were two or three running around my neighborhood. farking bears..

That sounds incredibly stupid. The habitat is probably already stressed by the number of bears. I bet the real problem is a human epidemic, with too many humans building unnecessary suburbs close to the bears' homes. Fark your suburbs.


Thanks for writing this for me. Sounds more like a human epidemic.
 
2012-09-04 10:48:19 AM
Bear is actually fine table fare. But must be cooked well done for Trichinsos.
 
2012-09-04 10:49:21 AM
They're looking at trying to consume 20,000 calories a day.

i.ytimg.com
 
2012-09-04 10:49:27 AM
Perhaps a Birdemic: Shock and Terror spin off, titled Beardemic: Godless Killing Machines, is in order.
 
2012-09-04 10:49:58 AM

Magorn: xaldin: Magorn: Rich Cream: Black bears you say? I suggest a tabby cat for protection.

[news.nationalgeographic.com image 461x615]

Exactly, GRIZZLY bears? that's some scary shiat, but Black bears are basically oversized raccoons, which is to say "mostly harmless"

We have a 7' tall when standing 550lb black bear in the area that has learned to open car doors to get food inside (stupid tourists) and opened an outdoor walk in freezer for the cafe up the hill from us (10k damage, not bright on their part not to have that door secured better). Right now he's a raccoon but all it'd take is one bad food gathering fall one year and he's a BIG problem. Much bigger than a raccoon.

Okay for the XXXL-sized Black Bears you might need one of these cute lil' guys instead of a Tabby cat:
[pikimusta.webpark.cz image 640x600]

Karelian bear dogs


For a bear dog, I'm seeing a lot of dog and very little bear there. I was expecting a bear/dog ratio more on the order of this liger:

blog.zap2it.com
 
2012-09-04 10:56:56 AM
Animals are doomed, in the future we can't have them taking up our valuable space so they will be executed.
 
2012-09-04 10:57:44 AM
President Ackerman warned us too, but he's not a meme
 
2012-09-04 10:58:02 AM
kansas-railroad-job-insurance.com
 
2012-09-04 11:00:08 AM
I saw the biggest black bear I've ever seen just casually walking down my street 3 nights ago, and I was able to cope with this by convincing myself that bears don't climb fences. So fark that picture in the article very much.
 
2012-09-04 11:00:46 AM
I know it's a crazy thought but maybe you should be aware of this potential before moving into an area that may be roamed by bears.
This happens every year.
 
2012-09-04 11:02:10 AM
In Eastern NC a few years ago a hunter shot a black bear weighing over 800 pounds. That bear had such a thick roll of fat he could barely see; the fat was starting to push over his head and eyes. The official hunting registry refused to give the hunter a world record bear because they said the bear was "artificially" enlarged. What they meant was the bear was scavenging dead pigs from all the pig farms in the area and wasn't really acting like a wild bear any more. He had a circuit around the pig farms and would steal the dead ones from each farm in turn.

/he was so fat he looked like a barrel with little short legs
 
2012-09-04 11:02:59 AM
CSB:
Here in Red Lodge we have "bear-proof" trash cans. Which pretty much just means it won't pop open when it tips over. The bears go down the alley and tip them over one by one, looking for one that isn't latched properly. What sucks is we have a thicket of trees in our front yard. So when the bears manage to open a can, they grab a trash bag and drag it someplace "safe" to dig through it: my front yard. I sat up one night in August and watched a parade of 6 of them come through in on night. I just sat there and watched them, and raked up the mess in the morning.
 
2012-09-04 11:09:04 AM

umop_apisdn: CSB:
Here in Red Lodge we have "bear-proof" trash cans. Which pretty much just means it won't pop open when it tips over. The bears go down the alley and tip them over one by one, looking for one that isn't latched properly. What sucks is we have a thicket of trees in our front yard. So when the bears manage to open a can, they grab a trash bag and drag it someplace "safe" to dig through it: my front yard. I sat up one night in August and watched a parade of 6 of them come through in on night. I just sat there and watched them, and raked up the mess in the morning.


Put some signs up; that should help. Bears are very law abiding.
 
2012-09-04 11:10:38 AM
Please tell me I'm not the only one that read that as "beer."
 
2012-09-04 11:11:21 AM

planes: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x300]

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed Bearack Obearma.


Wow, that was lame. Gonna forward that to your grandson?
 
2012-09-04 11:11:57 AM
Feed the bears.

The places you occupy were formerly occupied by animals. You took away their food and habitat to live in a silly wooden box in a field. You consume the bears resources and throw them away at the end of the day, that's when Mr. bear stops by to see what you left for him on the curb.

People are scared shiatless of bears for no specific reason, they just want them gone from their community. Bears feel the same way about you. They don't want to break into your house. They don't want to eat your waste.

Its better for a bear to eat day old donuts in the woods in a designated area than it is for a bear to eat out of a dumpster.

Feed the bears.
 
2012-09-04 11:12:34 AM
LET THE BEARS PAY THE BEAR TAX!
 
2012-09-04 11:12:57 AM
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-09-04 11:15:02 AM
www.tshirtbordello.com
 
2012-09-04 11:17:45 AM

planes: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x300]

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed Bearack Obearma.


I am embarrassed to have laughed at that. Doubly embarrassed to have laughed hard.
 
2012-09-04 11:18:38 AM

Retractable Weeners: Feed the bears.

The places you occupy were formerly occupied by animals. You took away their food and habitat to live in a silly wooden box in a field. You consume the bears resources and throw them away at the end of the day, that's when Mr. bear stops by to see what you left for him on the curb.

People are scared shiatless of bears for no specific reason, they just want them gone from their community. Bears feel the same way about you. They don't want to break into your house. They don't want to eat your waste.

Its better for a bear to eat day old donuts in the woods in a designated area than it is for a bear to eat out of a dumpster.

Feed the bears.


Also worth noting that if these were chimps (which are every bit as strong, and probably more dangerous ) rather than bears people would be outraged if we shot them because they are "intelligent animals" and yet it's pretty much a consensus among biologists I've talked that if primates hadn't claimed the gold medal in the brain power olympics first, it's pretty much a lock that Ursines would have been the ones to produce the planet's sentient species
 
2012-09-04 11:21:19 AM

JackieRabbit: One would think that the residents of these western states would do what people in Appalachia do: eliminate sources of food around your homes.


So you don't keep food inside your homes in Appalachia? Hmm, around here we have things called cabinets and refrigerators. Some even have pantries. You should look into it.

Even for the outside stuff, most folks here don't grill inside, nor do they keep thier city/town garbage containers in the kitchen.
 
2012-09-04 11:22:56 AM
TSA should run a full body pat down of da bears. Sound like terrorists.
 
2012-09-04 11:24:51 AM

Wade_Wilson: I ran into a bear last year. And I literally mean I ran into one.

I live in Florida and we have them come out at night to turn over our trashcans. It was about 9:30, I was jogging, and I was passing a driveway with two cars. Just as I was going past the cars, a smallish black bear came out from between the cars, and I actually bumped into it.

I must have jumped backward about 15 feet. The bear, to its credit, decided that chasing after and mauling a yelping, backwards hopping madman wasn't a good investment of its time and went off the other way.

I don't jog at night anymore.


I was just outside of Eugene OR a few weeks ago, going for a morning jog along some of the logging roads. As the road got higher, it got less traveled, and the turns got sharper & blind. I was moving at a good pace when I flew around one blind hairpin... and damn near crashed into a young black bear who was crouched down eating berries and apparently didn't hear me coming.

I had no idea I could do a backwards long jump, from a near sprint no less. The human body is a pretty impressive device, under the right circumstance.
 
2012-09-04 11:35:02 AM

Urinal Cake Mix: Please tell me I'm not the only one that read that as "beer."


Not at all.

/frightened more by a beer epidemic as well
 
2012-09-04 11:38:55 AM
I just *knew* I'd regret not investing in that beariot manufacturing IPO.
 
2012-09-04 11:39:01 AM
We're here! We're queer! We don't want anymore bears!
 
2012-09-04 11:39:44 AM

Urinal Cake Mix: Please tell me I'm not the only one that read that as "beer."



Nope...I did the same thing.
 
2012-09-04 11:39:50 AM
Meanwhile, in Massachusetts:

A guy on TV was saying the news this summer on the Cape was all about "beers 'n shacks."
(Translation: bears and sharks.)
 
2012-09-04 11:41:52 AM

Sentient: I was just outside of Eugene OR a few weeks ago, going for a morning jog along some of the logging roads. As the road got higher, it got less traveled, and the turns got sharper & blind. I was moving at a good pace when I flew around one blind hairpin... and damn near crashed into a young black bear who was crouched down eating berries and apparently didn't hear me coming.
I had no idea I could do a backwards long jump, from a near sprint no less. The human body is a pretty impressive device, under the right circumstance.


A jogger in Grand Teton National Park was "bitten on the butt" (as the news release put it) when he went out early one morning and came upon a mother griz and her three cubs dining on a carcass. These were well-known bears around there, and the cubs were 2-year-olds--full-grown, in fact.

What I'm trying to say is that the guy got off easy. Because of the notoriety of the four bears (they were often seen around the park, and how often do you see four grizzly bears at one time?), and the fact that the mother hadn't really hurt the guy, when she could have easily killed him, made the park decide not to do anything to the bears, and they were left alone to entertain the tourists.

The jogger himself said that he'd come upon them very suddenly, and he was also surprised that all they'd done was slap him up a little, figuratively speaking. 

/I saw those bears several times and they were awesome.
 
2012-09-04 11:42:22 AM
Vail?Aspen?Some people have more money than brains.GO BEARS
 
2012-09-04 11:49:08 AM
NCR marching east, I see. Caesar's Legion must be gaining strength again.
 
2012-09-04 11:52:39 AM
Vito Spatafore unavailable for comment?
 
2012-09-04 11:54:26 AM

Rich Cream: [4.bp.blogspot.com image 550x343]


I have this print hanging above my fireplace so I'm getting a kick etc.
 
2012-09-04 11:54:34 AM

planes: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x300]

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed Bearack Obearma.


As a registered independent that voted for President Obama last time and will be voting for him again...

that was just hilarious. :-D
Well done sir!

/to anyone having trouble laughing at that, lighten up Francis
 
2012-09-04 11:54:57 AM

Retractable Weeners: Feed the bears.


If you feed bears long enough, they forget how to fend for themselves. It's truer still for cubs, who never learn to fend for themselves and are fully reliant on their master, as they are now domesticated. You think bears enjoy riding unicycles? No. But it is all they know.

They also make loyal democrats.
 
2012-09-04 12:03:49 PM

smitty04: Retractable Weeners: Feed the bears.

If you feed bears long enough, they forget how to fend for themselves. It's truer still for cubs, who never learn to fend for themselves and are fully reliant on their master, as they are now domesticated. You think bears enjoy riding unicycles? No. But it is all they know.

They also make loyal democrats.


All we have to do is make sure the bears never get the right to vote, but nooooo, apparently that's discrimination.
 
2012-09-04 12:04:20 PM
besthairremovalguide.com
What a bear may look like.

/Dangerous, if provoked!
 
2012-09-04 12:05:17 PM

Prank Monkey: Rich Cream: [4.bp.blogspot.com image 550x343]

I have this print hanging above my fireplace so I'm getting a kick etc.


By my front door. My one boss was throwing it out!

/female, of course
 
2012-09-04 12:06:39 PM

smitty04: Retractable Weeners: Feed the bears.

If you feed bears long enough, they forget how to fend for themselves. It's truer still for cubs, who never learn to fend for themselves and are fully reliant on their master, as they are now domesticated. You think bears enjoy riding unicycles? No. But it is all they know.

They also make loyal democrats.



Of course, and a bear is the symbol of that commie socialist country Russia! It's all coming together now!
 
2012-09-04 12:09:04 PM
i141.photobucket.com
 
2012-09-04 12:12:34 PM
abcnews.go.com

Bearbarians at the gate!
 
2012-09-04 12:15:02 PM

JackieRabbit: One would think that the residents of these western states would do what people in Appalachia do: eliminate sources of food around your homes.


Well, that's how we almost lost Whitetail deer, wild turkeys, and black bears in Appalachia: They shot them all for food. By about the mid-19th Century forward none of the Appalachian gunsmiths were making rifles appropriate for big game, because there wasn't any big game left.
 
2012-09-04 12:17:46 PM

asciidic: I saw the biggest black bear I've ever seen just casually walking down my street 3 nights ago, and I was able to cope with this by convincing myself that bears don't climb fences. So fark that picture in the article very much.


You'd be surprised to know, then, that a black bear will climb a fence very easily. If they can climb a tree, they can climb a fence.
 
2012-09-04 12:18:27 PM
I went to a bar in northern WI where they fed a sow and her 5 cubs fish guts out the back door. A sow with 5 surviving cubs is unheard of, so they fed them. The bears were known to ask for leftovers in the parking lot too, I'm sure they got a lot.

I guess my point is that only happened on Fridays, because Friday was fish day. The rest of the week they were bears.

They do get domesticated to a point, like when they hear you walk away from the bait and the truck drive away they are instantly there, but not always. Game cams pics I've seen show bears coming in 3 mins after being fed. Put someone in a tree waiting to kill the bear and they know something is up and probably won't come in. Bait hunting is a totally separate subject than what I was saying about feeding bears. Even slightly training a wild bear that a food truck comes occasionally is better than having city bears, I think.
 
2012-09-04 12:19:50 PM
img705.imageshack.us
 
2012-09-04 12:28:39 PM

nickerj1: Easy solution, domesticate them.


I can see this now. First, some hipsters in the western equivalent of the Pioneer Valley (Santa Cruz, I guess?) raise a black bear. Then it gets competitive and grooming gets involved.

Skip ahead: the Williamsburg Schwarzbär is all the rage. They climb to their owners' fourth-floor walk-ups from the outside, usually rewarded with a PBR and some blackberries. Then they maul the landlord to expedite condo conversion. "But he looks so cute in his Fugazi ring-tee... which of course I made myself, since Ian doesn't allow merch but..."

Williamsburgers fought the space elevator. They should get ready for the hipster black bears the same way.
 
2012-09-04 12:34:17 PM
In Pittsburgh the Bears just go shopping ar Sears.

http://www.standard.net/stories/2012/07/23/another-bear-visits-shoppi n g-mall
 
2012-09-04 12:35:21 PM

dittybopper: JackieRabbit: One would think that the residents of these western states would do what people in Appalachia do: eliminate sources of food around your homes.

Well, that's how we almost lost Whitetail deer, wild turkeys, and black bears in Appalachia: They shot them all for food. By about the mid-19th Century forward none of the Appalachian gunsmiths were making rifles appropriate for big game, because there wasn't any big game left.


Well, "lost" is a strong word as Appalchia is swarming with Whitetail these days, I have friends in rural PA with at least three 50+ bird flocks of wild turkeys on less than 20 acres and the black bear are wandering the suburbs of far Northern VA these days.
Life finds a way.

But it is ture that a lot of those were at one point badly depleted but that had a lot to do with a phenomenon called "market hunting" which is ALWAYS a disaster for wildlife . Hunting ducks with one of these doesn't leave a lot for the next guy f'r instance:
farm5.staticflickr.com
 
2012-09-04 12:39:09 PM
Not yet? Farkers, you're slipping.
blessthe40oz.com
 
2012-09-04 12:40:30 PM
Bears are not the problem, whining preservationists are. The sooner everyone accepts that our species is going to populate every desirable corner of this planet, forcing out all incompatible species, the better of we will all be.

\Where I grew up in Maine the bears would eat the rotting apples and get sauced.
 
2012-09-04 12:50:07 PM

8InchFloppy: The sooner everyone accepts that our species is going to populate every desirable corner of this planet, forcing out all incompatible species, the better of we will all be.


The Nazi tried that but it did not work.
 
2012-09-04 12:52:34 PM
www.hotflick.net 

/RIP Bear
 
2012-09-04 12:53:24 PM

MurphyMurphy: planes: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x300]

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed Bearack Obearma.

As a registered independent that voted for President Obama last time and will be voting for him again...

that was just hilarious. :-D
Well done sir!

/to anyone having trouble laughing at that, lighten up Francis


Okay, the picture is funny (even though I've seen it a dozen times), the rest is only amusing to the kind of person who likes John Denver tunes.
 
2012-09-04 12:53:35 PM
www.tenniswood.co.uk

We should just surrender to our new bear overlords like the French did.
 
2012-09-04 12:58:17 PM

planes: Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed Bearack Obearma.


Unfortunately, he used to be a hardworking taxpayer employed by Bair Capital, until Mitt Romney sent his job to China for some panda to perform at a third of the wages.
 
2012-09-04 12:59:31 PM
If bears are outlawed, only outlaws will have bears.
 
2012-09-04 12:59:38 PM

Wade_Wilson: The bear, to its credit, decided that chasing after and mauling a yelping, backwards hopping madman wasn't a good investment of its time and went off the other way


this sentence is awesome
 
2012-09-04 01:00:55 PM

darwinpolice: planes: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x300]

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed Bearack Obearma.

I am embarrassed to have laughed at that. Doubly embarrassed to have laughed hard.


I rolled my eyes and scanned it til i got to Bearack Obearma and began a giggle fit.


As for me ever encountering a bear... I would shiat in my pants out of fear. My only hope being that the smell of poo radiating off of me would deter the bear from eating me.
 
2012-09-04 01:05:31 PM
Now more than ever, we need to take this sign to heart.
images.sodahead.com
 
2012-09-04 01:14:55 PM
As someone who walked up on a blackie the other night at 3am when staggering to my tent, I'm getting a kick...

/glad i was drunk, 20 feet is too close
//gladder that the bear ran away
 
2012-09-04 01:15:45 PM

Magorn: Well, "lost" is a strong word as Appalchia is swarming with Whitetail these days, I have friends in rural PA with at least three 50+ bird flocks of wild turkeys on less than 20 acres and the black bear are wandering the suburbs of far Northern VA these days.
Life finds a way.


Yes, right around 1900 we passed a bunch of laws at the state and federal level that protected game like whitetails from being hunted willy-nilly, and we mostly enforced them. That allowed them to make a comeback.
 
2012-09-04 01:20:20 PM

Stavr0: Magorn: "mostly harmless"

Oh look. Black bear crap with Magorn bits in it.


They're mostly harmless except for the teeth. And the claws. And the massive strength. And the hunger.
 
2012-09-04 01:21:02 PM

joonyer: //gladder that the bear ran away


Ninety-nine times out of 100, that's what a black bear will generally do.

Then you have that *ONE* time that the bear decides that you might be a potential meal.
 
2012-09-04 01:21:34 PM
Charlie Vandergaw doesn't see the problem.

farm4.static.flickr.com 

media.adn.com
 
2012-09-04 01:23:08 PM

joonyer: As someone who walked up on a blackie the other night at 3am when staggering to my tent, I'm getting a kick...

/glad i was drunk, 20 feet is too close
//gladder that the bear ran away


Phrasing... Phrasing!
 
2012-09-04 01:26:38 PM

smitty04: 8InchFloppy: The sooner everyone accepts that our species is going to populate every desirable corner of this planet, forcing out all incompatible species, the better of we will all be.

The Nazi tried that but it did not work.


Godwin during a bear conversation. That's low, even for farkers. Although its great for his theory
 
2012-09-04 01:26:42 PM

cryinoutloud: This happens every freaking fall in the west. I was just thinking I should get out and go look for some bears, since I know they're starting their rampage about now.

What I find more interesting is our obsession with wild animals, while just about everything we do is designed to make them scarce and less threatening. But we luurrveee bears!!!----Maybe someone could go out and declaw them though, since they might hurt my purebred Nerfy-schoodle. Otherwise, I'm suing the city when my cat disappears.


www.lolwut.com
 
2012-09-04 01:26:47 PM

Dimensio: Perhaps a Birdemic: Shock and Terror spin off, titled Beardemic: Godless Killing Machines, is in order.


I imagine they would be cartoony stock art pictures instead crappy CGI.
 
2012-09-04 01:27:15 PM
por-img.cimcontent.net

R.I.P. BJ & the Bear
 
2012-09-04 01:27:15 PM
I'm in Estes Park, Colorado and I have had over a dozen bear sighting from my cabin this summer, so I'm getting a kick...

img13.imageshack.us
BEAR!
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2012-09-04 01:27:24 PM

Raider_dad: Animals are doomed, in the future we can't have them taking up our valuable space so they will be executed.


They can probably be made into sausage or something.
 
2012-09-04 01:28:09 PM

Beerguy: Charlie Vandergaw doesn't see the problem.

[farm4.static.flickr.com image 400x393] 



Neither did Timothy Treadwell.

/except for the last 20 seconds of his life or so -- he probably saw the problem then
 
2012-09-04 01:29:04 PM

Rich Cream: [4.bp.blogspot.com image 550x343]


My brother has this print over his couch.

/cool story of my bro
 
2012-09-04 01:35:30 PM

cryinoutloud: This happens every freaking fall in the west. I was just thinking I should get out and go look for some bears, since I know they're starting their rampage about now.

What I find more interesting is our obsession with wild animals, while just about everything we do is designed to make them scarce and less threatening. But we luurrveee bears!!!----Maybe someone could go out and declaw them though, since they might hurt my purebred Nerfy-schoodle. Otherwise, I'm suing the city when my cat disappears.


Dafuq did I just read?
 
2012-09-04 01:50:37 PM

Bendal: If they can climb a tree, they can climb a fence.


...but can they dodge a wrench?

And, in regards to all the bears making good democrats comments...jealous? I know how much Republicans love bears, even if all they ever elect are twinks, otters and cubbies.
 
2012-09-04 01:51:12 PM

santadog: I'm in Estes Park, Colorado and I have had over a dozen bear sighting from my cabin this summer, so I'm getting a kick...

[img13.imageshack.us image 640x449]
BEAR!


Hey, what's up? How's the moped rental going?
 
2012-09-04 01:51:16 PM
 
2012-09-04 01:51:59 PM

AliceBToklasLives: [abcnews.go.com image 478x269]

Bearbarians at the gate!


Or, "BarBEARians" :)
 
2012-09-04 01:58:08 PM

jshine: Beerguy: Charlie Vandergaw doesn't see the problem.

[farm4.static.flickr.com image 400x393] 


Neither did Timothy Treadwell.

/except for the last 20 seconds of his life or so -- he probably saw the problem then

Amy was the second course.
 
2012-09-04 02:05:32 PM

jshine: Neither did Timothy Treadwell.

/except for the last 20 seconds of his life or so -- he probably saw the problem then


In the bear's defense, Timothy Treadwell was a bit of an obnoxious dumbass.
 
2012-09-04 02:06:14 PM

dittybopper: JackieRabbit: One would think that the residents of these western states would do what people in Appalachia do: eliminate sources of food around your homes.

Well, that's how we almost lost Whitetail deer, wild turkeys, and black bears in Appalachia: They shot them all for food. By about the mid-19th Century forward none of the Appalachian gunsmiths were making rifles appropriate for big game, because there wasn't any big game left.


They're back!
 
2012-09-04 02:06:35 PM
I've neve ursine such lame bear puns.
 
2012-09-04 02:08:41 PM

JRoo: I've neve ursine such lame bear puns.


Personally, I smell trouble bruin.
 
2012-09-04 02:11:12 PM

MayContainHorseGluten: cryinoutloud: This happens every freaking fall in the west. I was just thinking I should get out and go look for some bears, since I know they're starting their rampage about now.

What I find more interesting is our obsession with wild animals, while just about everything we do is designed to make them scarce and less threatening. But we luurrveee bears!!!----Maybe someone could go out and declaw them though, since they might hurt my purebred Nerfy-schoodle. Otherwise, I'm suing the city when my cat disappears.

Dafuq did I just read?


What I think the person is trying to say--possibly channeling meowsaidthedog--is that people are all about the pretty wild animals until they actually go about their business of being wild in their own backyards. Everyone wants to not kill cute little bears and sweet little mountain lions, except when Fluffy or Kitty suddenly go missing and 63 dumpsters have their lids ripped off and garbage strewn for miles. But even then o! you can't shoot them! just catch them and relocate them! (because animals with a 40-square mile hunting range will never find their way back)

Hell, we couldn't even get community approval to shoot freaking coyotes down here in Rossmore...the guys at the Joint Service Training Base had to sneak out at night with BB guns and plink them to death because so many people were HORRIFIED at the thought of killing the nice wild animals.
 
2012-09-04 02:12:45 PM
2.bp.blogspot.com

Australia has it much worse.
 
2012-09-04 02:24:08 PM

imontheinternet: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 850x850]

Australia has it much worse.


It rains rabid koala bears?

Why does anyone even live there?!?
 
2012-09-04 02:24:54 PM
A Polar Bear fell on me.
 
2012-09-04 02:26:43 PM
funny-wall.com
 
2012-09-04 02:58:07 PM
In case a bear attacks you
img580.imageshack.us
 
2012-09-04 03:18:21 PM
It's like when you start encroaching on bears' natural habitat this sort of thing is only bound to happen or something.
 
2012-09-04 03:21:53 PM

that bosnian sniper: jshine: Neither did Timothy Treadwell.

/except for the last 20 seconds of his life or so -- he probably saw the problem then

In the bear's defense, Timothy Treadwell was a bit of an obnoxious dumbass.


Indeed -- hopefully he was as delicious as Gerald Ford.
 
2012-09-04 03:27:45 PM

bojon: jshine: Beerguy: Charlie Vandergaw doesn't see the problem.

[farm4.static.flickr.com image 400x393] 


Neither did Timothy Treadwell.

/except for the last 20 seconds of his life or so -- he probably saw the problem then

Amy was the second course.



...yea, that's the only part of that story I feel a bit bad about. She probably trusted the guy to know what he was doing since he was an "expert".
 
2012-09-04 03:40:07 PM

orange storm: In case a bear attacks you
[img580.imageshack.us image 500x565]


You might as well have a Nerf gun for all the good that would do against a bear.
 
2012-09-04 03:43:52 PM
The former governor of my home state has the right idea for ursine defense.
1.bp.blogspot.com 
Note: not the hat or chew I'm talking 'bout.
 
2012-09-04 03:48:51 PM

Crotchrocket Slim


The former governor of my home state has the right idea for ursine defense.

Note: not the hat or chew I'm talking 'bout.


The mustache is positively Romero-esque.
 
2012-09-04 03:58:10 PM

Crotchrocket Slim: The former governor of my home state has the right idea for ursine defense.
[1.bp.blogspot.com image 400x344] 
Note: not the hat or chew I'm talking 'bout.


Yes, well, I seem to be a bit low on God-damned sexual tyrannosaurs at the moment.

/Don't have any Alabama ticks, either.
 
2012-09-04 04:17:36 PM

Crotchrocket Slim


You might as well have a Nerf gun for all the good that would do against a bear.


Maybe you should read all of the text that accompanies the picture.
 
2012-09-04 04:21:58 PM

Crotchrocket Slim: You might as well have a Nerf gun for all the good that would do against a bear.


Read the rest of the ad.

/you don't use the gun on the bear
 
2012-09-04 05:15:54 PM

Khellendros: planes: as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

So they live in a southern or midwestern state, where most they take more money than they give to the federal government, and use most all of the subsidies, public assistance, welfare, and social security, and give far less back into the system?

And you think they'd vote democrat?


They're black.
 
2012-09-04 05:16:57 PM

planes: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x300]

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed Bearack Obearma.


Dear God, I wet myself ... you are a wonderful Farker.
 
2012-09-04 05:49:08 PM
Let the bears pay the bear tax, I pay the Homer tax!

/isn't there a Farker with the screen name "TheHomerTax"?
 
2012-09-04 06:19:49 PM
This sort of thing happens when animal rights groups make it so hard to hunt, you can't even shoot one i its gnawing on your head without getting written permission.
 
2012-09-04 06:53:08 PM

WalMartian: AliceBToklasLives: [abcnews.go.com image 478x269]

Bearbarians at the gate!

Or, "BarBEARians" :)


I'm not very bright :)
 
2012-09-04 07:25:30 PM

stuffy: This sort of thing happens when animal rights groups make it so hard to hunt, you can't even shoot one i its gnawing on your head without getting written permission.


Hunting bears shouldn't require permits -- after all, it's an even match: both the humans and the bears have the right to bear arms.
 
2012-09-04 07:26:51 PM
paging doglover to the bear thread...
 
2012-09-04 07:56:17 PM

911Jenny: darwinpolice: planes: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x300]

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed Bearack Obearma.

I am embarrassed to have laughed at that. Doubly embarrassed to have laughed hard.

I rolled my eyes and scanned it til i got to Bearack Obearma and began a giggle fit.


As for me ever encountering a bear... I would shiat in my pants out of fear. My only hope being that the smell of poo radiating off of me would deter the bear from eating me.


Or you can throw shyat at the bear's eyes. Plenty of ammo available at that point.
 
2012-09-04 08:41:05 PM

JackieRabbit: Scary? I guess Subby's a sissy city boy. Black bears are not a problem, if you leave them alone. One would think that the residents of these western states would do what people in Appalachia do: eliminate sources of food around your homes.


That's the problem. The article mainly focuses on Colorado. Lots of city folks that think they can live in the country. You notice the one instance they talk about outside of Colorado ended with the rancher killing the bear.

There was also no mention of Wyoming in the article. Not sure why the subby brought it up.
 
2012-09-04 08:52:52 PM

WalMartian: santadog: I'm in Estes Park, Colorado and I have had over a dozen bear sighting from my cabin this summer, so I'm getting a kick...

[img13.imageshack.us image 640x449]
BEAR!

Hey, what's up? How's the moped rental going?


Going well! Slowing down for the end of season right now. Next week, 15 Harley Riders will park their Hogs in my lot, and in full leathers, ride my fleet of scooters. :)
 
2012-09-04 08:54:25 PM

imontheinternet: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 850x850]

Australia has it much worse.


The Dreaded Drop Bear.

I've seen something similar here in the Rocky Mountains called "Drop Elk". Terrible beasties.
 
2012-09-04 09:51:18 PM
b-b-but bears are cute and if they get in your house well just put them in a zoo, right???

just kidding. Bears are in fact eating machines, cannibals, dangerous, and not really that cute. I hear that black bears with a diet heavy in berries yield tasty meat.
 
2012-09-04 11:14:34 PM
Amusing. I live near Eagle...

Well, the bear facts are that there is a shortage of their normal food this year, so they are going to go for stuff they would ordinarly not, that drives 'em down into town. There's aways a few visitors but in truth, good, enforced garbage storage mostly has alleviated the majority of the problems.

We do have to be careful to keep doors closed and latched, but we have a locking 3 yard container that the bears can't open and they so far have stayed mostly out of the yard - had one cub visit earlier this summer but he took off when I yelled at him.

Still, I keep a rifle and revolver handy, just in case. Mostly they will run on encounter around our valley - they are not habituated to humans and they are hunted around here so that keeps 'em a bit more in check. But one does not want to be complacent about them.

Technically, it's illegal to shoot one, even when it is in your house, but I have enough land to hide the carcass. I seriously doubt that any of them would stick around after I popped a warning shot, these are browns, not Griz. They are another beast entirely.
 
2012-09-04 11:43:46 PM

Anal Tobacco Furnace: Bennie Crabtree: xynix: That's why in Georgia you're allowed to take one black bear a year with a big game license.. I've yet to bag one myself though I spotted one on an occasion and couldn't get a good shot so didn't try. I've seen others up north and they come into the city every now and then. Even into Atlanta.. Last year there were two or three running around my neighborhood. farking bears..

That sounds incredibly stupid. The habitat is probably already stressed by the number of bears. I bet the real problem is a human epidemic, with too many humans building unnecessary suburbs close to the bears' homes. Fark your suburbs.

Thanks for writing this for me. Sounds more like a human epidemic.


There is, IIRC, a ridicuously limited lottery for bear licenses in MI. complete w transfer rules, rules for kids (dad doesn't get to bag a bear bc his kid got a license), etc.

State gets $ from licenses, # adjusted up or down as needed, local businesses probably get more $ as people plan a once in a lifetime thing, etc.

A 1/anyone who pays for a license boggles my mind.

/granted I also grew up with a healthy fear of not tempting fate and a huge financial smackdown by violating/not even having a license
 
2012-09-05 12:49:37 AM

bmwericus: Technically, it's illegal to shoot one, even when it is in your house, but I have enough land to hide the carcass. I seriously doubt that any of them would stick around after I popped a warning shot, these are browns, not Griz. They are another beast entirely.


Grizzlies are in the brown bear family. I think you're thinking black bear, but that's okay because many of them look brown anyway.
 
2012-09-05 07:53:13 AM
User Comments are on point:

"Not a bear epidemic, a people epidemic. We multiply beyond our carrying capacity and invade unsuitable habitat. Move back to New Jersey if you don't want bears."

"Westerners love to project a macho self-reliant image, but they're the biggest bunch of whining pansies on earth. Waah, a bear's in my back yard. Waah, a critter ate one of my livestock. Waah, a wildfire burned my house because I didn't use fireproof construction. Waah, the smoke from the controlled burn so my house won't burn down is getting in my eyes. Waah, there's a drought. Send money. Waah, there's too much rain, send money.
If you don't have the cojones to live in the west and deal with the risks, move back east."
 
2012-09-05 10:09:12 AM

Dadoody: "Westerners love to project a macho self-reliant image, but they're the biggest bunch of whining pansies on earth. Waah, a bear's in my back yard. Waah, a critter ate one of my livestock. Waah, a wildfire burned my house because I didn't use fireproof construction. Waah, the smoke from the controlled burn so my house won't burn down is getting in my eyes. Waah, there's a drought. Send money. Waah, there's too much rain, send money.
If you don't have the cojones to live in the west and deal with the risks, move back east."



Those who whine are the city folks who think they can live in the country. We would be happy if they did move.
 
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