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(ABC)   Bear "epidemic" in the west. Stephen Colbert warned us about this, but we all just laughed at him. Well, who's laughing now Colorado, Montana, Wyoming?   (abcnews.go.com) divider line 153
    More: Scary, Colorado, Wildlife Department, Randy Hampton, epidemics  
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11115 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Sep 2012 at 10:04 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-04 11:10:38 AM
Please tell me I'm not the only one that read that as "beer."
 
2012-09-04 11:11:21 AM

planes: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x300]

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed Bearack Obearma.


Wow, that was lame. Gonna forward that to your grandson?
 
2012-09-04 11:11:57 AM
Feed the bears.

The places you occupy were formerly occupied by animals. You took away their food and habitat to live in a silly wooden box in a field. You consume the bears resources and throw them away at the end of the day, that's when Mr. bear stops by to see what you left for him on the curb.

People are scared shiatless of bears for no specific reason, they just want them gone from their community. Bears feel the same way about you. They don't want to break into your house. They don't want to eat your waste.

Its better for a bear to eat day old donuts in the woods in a designated area than it is for a bear to eat out of a dumpster.

Feed the bears.
 
2012-09-04 11:12:34 AM
LET THE BEARS PAY THE BEAR TAX!
 
2012-09-04 11:12:57 AM
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-09-04 11:15:02 AM
www.tshirtbordello.com
 
2012-09-04 11:17:45 AM

planes: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x300]

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed Bearack Obearma.


I am embarrassed to have laughed at that. Doubly embarrassed to have laughed hard.
 
2012-09-04 11:18:38 AM

Retractable Weeners: Feed the bears.

The places you occupy were formerly occupied by animals. You took away their food and habitat to live in a silly wooden box in a field. You consume the bears resources and throw them away at the end of the day, that's when Mr. bear stops by to see what you left for him on the curb.

People are scared shiatless of bears for no specific reason, they just want them gone from their community. Bears feel the same way about you. They don't want to break into your house. They don't want to eat your waste.

Its better for a bear to eat day old donuts in the woods in a designated area than it is for a bear to eat out of a dumpster.

Feed the bears.


Also worth noting that if these were chimps (which are every bit as strong, and probably more dangerous ) rather than bears people would be outraged if we shot them because they are "intelligent animals" and yet it's pretty much a consensus among biologists I've talked that if primates hadn't claimed the gold medal in the brain power olympics first, it's pretty much a lock that Ursines would have been the ones to produce the planet's sentient species
 
2012-09-04 11:21:19 AM

JackieRabbit: One would think that the residents of these western states would do what people in Appalachia do: eliminate sources of food around your homes.


So you don't keep food inside your homes in Appalachia? Hmm, around here we have things called cabinets and refrigerators. Some even have pantries. You should look into it.

Even for the outside stuff, most folks here don't grill inside, nor do they keep thier city/town garbage containers in the kitchen.
 
2012-09-04 11:22:56 AM
TSA should run a full body pat down of da bears. Sound like terrorists.
 
2012-09-04 11:24:51 AM

Wade_Wilson: I ran into a bear last year. And I literally mean I ran into one.

I live in Florida and we have them come out at night to turn over our trashcans. It was about 9:30, I was jogging, and I was passing a driveway with two cars. Just as I was going past the cars, a smallish black bear came out from between the cars, and I actually bumped into it.

I must have jumped backward about 15 feet. The bear, to its credit, decided that chasing after and mauling a yelping, backwards hopping madman wasn't a good investment of its time and went off the other way.

I don't jog at night anymore.


I was just outside of Eugene OR a few weeks ago, going for a morning jog along some of the logging roads. As the road got higher, it got less traveled, and the turns got sharper & blind. I was moving at a good pace when I flew around one blind hairpin... and damn near crashed into a young black bear who was crouched down eating berries and apparently didn't hear me coming.

I had no idea I could do a backwards long jump, from a near sprint no less. The human body is a pretty impressive device, under the right circumstance.
 
2012-09-04 11:35:02 AM

Urinal Cake Mix: Please tell me I'm not the only one that read that as "beer."


Not at all.

/frightened more by a beer epidemic as well
 
2012-09-04 11:38:55 AM
I just *knew* I'd regret not investing in that beariot manufacturing IPO.
 
2012-09-04 11:39:01 AM
We're here! We're queer! We don't want anymore bears!
 
2012-09-04 11:39:44 AM

Urinal Cake Mix: Please tell me I'm not the only one that read that as "beer."



Nope...I did the same thing.
 
2012-09-04 11:39:50 AM
Meanwhile, in Massachusetts:

A guy on TV was saying the news this summer on the Cape was all about "beers 'n shacks."
(Translation: bears and sharks.)
 
2012-09-04 11:41:52 AM

Sentient: I was just outside of Eugene OR a few weeks ago, going for a morning jog along some of the logging roads. As the road got higher, it got less traveled, and the turns got sharper & blind. I was moving at a good pace when I flew around one blind hairpin... and damn near crashed into a young black bear who was crouched down eating berries and apparently didn't hear me coming.
I had no idea I could do a backwards long jump, from a near sprint no less. The human body is a pretty impressive device, under the right circumstance.


A jogger in Grand Teton National Park was "bitten on the butt" (as the news release put it) when he went out early one morning and came upon a mother griz and her three cubs dining on a carcass. These were well-known bears around there, and the cubs were 2-year-olds--full-grown, in fact.

What I'm trying to say is that the guy got off easy. Because of the notoriety of the four bears (they were often seen around the park, and how often do you see four grizzly bears at one time?), and the fact that the mother hadn't really hurt the guy, when she could have easily killed him, made the park decide not to do anything to the bears, and they were left alone to entertain the tourists.

The jogger himself said that he'd come upon them very suddenly, and he was also surprised that all they'd done was slap him up a little, figuratively speaking. 

/I saw those bears several times and they were awesome.
 
2012-09-04 11:42:22 AM
Vail?Aspen?Some people have more money than brains.GO BEARS
 
2012-09-04 11:49:08 AM
NCR marching east, I see. Caesar's Legion must be gaining strength again.
 
2012-09-04 11:52:39 AM
Vito Spatafore unavailable for comment?
 
2012-09-04 11:54:26 AM

Rich Cream: [4.bp.blogspot.com image 550x343]


I have this print hanging above my fireplace so I'm getting a kick etc.
 
2012-09-04 11:54:34 AM

planes: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x300]

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed Bearack Obearma.


As a registered independent that voted for President Obama last time and will be voting for him again...

that was just hilarious. :-D
Well done sir!

/to anyone having trouble laughing at that, lighten up Francis
 
2012-09-04 11:54:57 AM

Retractable Weeners: Feed the bears.


If you feed bears long enough, they forget how to fend for themselves. It's truer still for cubs, who never learn to fend for themselves and are fully reliant on their master, as they are now domesticated. You think bears enjoy riding unicycles? No. But it is all they know.

They also make loyal democrats.
 
2012-09-04 12:03:49 PM

smitty04: Retractable Weeners: Feed the bears.

If you feed bears long enough, they forget how to fend for themselves. It's truer still for cubs, who never learn to fend for themselves and are fully reliant on their master, as they are now domesticated. You think bears enjoy riding unicycles? No. But it is all they know.

They also make loyal democrats.


All we have to do is make sure the bears never get the right to vote, but nooooo, apparently that's discrimination.
 
2012-09-04 12:04:20 PM
besthairremovalguide.com
What a bear may look like.

/Dangerous, if provoked!
 
2012-09-04 12:05:17 PM

Prank Monkey: Rich Cream: [4.bp.blogspot.com image 550x343]

I have this print hanging above my fireplace so I'm getting a kick etc.


By my front door. My one boss was throwing it out!

/female, of course
 
2012-09-04 12:06:39 PM

smitty04: Retractable Weeners: Feed the bears.

If you feed bears long enough, they forget how to fend for themselves. It's truer still for cubs, who never learn to fend for themselves and are fully reliant on their master, as they are now domesticated. You think bears enjoy riding unicycles? No. But it is all they know.

They also make loyal democrats.



Of course, and a bear is the symbol of that commie socialist country Russia! It's all coming together now!
 
2012-09-04 12:09:04 PM
i141.photobucket.com
 
2012-09-04 12:12:34 PM
abcnews.go.com

Bearbarians at the gate!
 
2012-09-04 12:15:02 PM

JackieRabbit: One would think that the residents of these western states would do what people in Appalachia do: eliminate sources of food around your homes.


Well, that's how we almost lost Whitetail deer, wild turkeys, and black bears in Appalachia: They shot them all for food. By about the mid-19th Century forward none of the Appalachian gunsmiths were making rifles appropriate for big game, because there wasn't any big game left.
 
2012-09-04 12:17:46 PM

asciidic: I saw the biggest black bear I've ever seen just casually walking down my street 3 nights ago, and I was able to cope with this by convincing myself that bears don't climb fences. So fark that picture in the article very much.


You'd be surprised to know, then, that a black bear will climb a fence very easily. If they can climb a tree, they can climb a fence.
 
2012-09-04 12:18:27 PM
I went to a bar in northern WI where they fed a sow and her 5 cubs fish guts out the back door. A sow with 5 surviving cubs is unheard of, so they fed them. The bears were known to ask for leftovers in the parking lot too, I'm sure they got a lot.

I guess my point is that only happened on Fridays, because Friday was fish day. The rest of the week they were bears.

They do get domesticated to a point, like when they hear you walk away from the bait and the truck drive away they are instantly there, but not always. Game cams pics I've seen show bears coming in 3 mins after being fed. Put someone in a tree waiting to kill the bear and they know something is up and probably won't come in. Bait hunting is a totally separate subject than what I was saying about feeding bears. Even slightly training a wild bear that a food truck comes occasionally is better than having city bears, I think.
 
2012-09-04 12:19:50 PM
img705.imageshack.us
 
2012-09-04 12:28:39 PM

nickerj1: Easy solution, domesticate them.


I can see this now. First, some hipsters in the western equivalent of the Pioneer Valley (Santa Cruz, I guess?) raise a black bear. Then it gets competitive and grooming gets involved.

Skip ahead: the Williamsburg Schwarzbär is all the rage. They climb to their owners' fourth-floor walk-ups from the outside, usually rewarded with a PBR and some blackberries. Then they maul the landlord to expedite condo conversion. "But he looks so cute in his Fugazi ring-tee... which of course I made myself, since Ian doesn't allow merch but..."

Williamsburgers fought the space elevator. They should get ready for the hipster black bears the same way.
 
2012-09-04 12:34:17 PM
In Pittsburgh the Bears just go shopping ar Sears.

http://www.standard.net/stories/2012/07/23/another-bear-visits-shoppi n g-mall
 
2012-09-04 12:35:21 PM

dittybopper: JackieRabbit: One would think that the residents of these western states would do what people in Appalachia do: eliminate sources of food around your homes.

Well, that's how we almost lost Whitetail deer, wild turkeys, and black bears in Appalachia: They shot them all for food. By about the mid-19th Century forward none of the Appalachian gunsmiths were making rifles appropriate for big game, because there wasn't any big game left.


Well, "lost" is a strong word as Appalchia is swarming with Whitetail these days, I have friends in rural PA with at least three 50+ bird flocks of wild turkeys on less than 20 acres and the black bear are wandering the suburbs of far Northern VA these days.
Life finds a way.

But it is ture that a lot of those were at one point badly depleted but that had a lot to do with a phenomenon called "market hunting" which is ALWAYS a disaster for wildlife . Hunting ducks with one of these doesn't leave a lot for the next guy f'r instance:
farm5.staticflickr.com
 
2012-09-04 12:39:09 PM
Not yet? Farkers, you're slipping.
blessthe40oz.com
 
2012-09-04 12:40:30 PM
Bears are not the problem, whining preservationists are. The sooner everyone accepts that our species is going to populate every desirable corner of this planet, forcing out all incompatible species, the better of we will all be.

\Where I grew up in Maine the bears would eat the rotting apples and get sauced.
 
2012-09-04 12:50:07 PM

8InchFloppy: The sooner everyone accepts that our species is going to populate every desirable corner of this planet, forcing out all incompatible species, the better of we will all be.


The Nazi tried that but it did not work.
 
2012-09-04 12:52:34 PM
www.hotflick.net 

/RIP Bear
 
2012-09-04 12:53:24 PM

MurphyMurphy: planes: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x300]

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed Bearack Obearma.

As a registered independent that voted for President Obama last time and will be voting for him again...

that was just hilarious. :-D
Well done sir!

/to anyone having trouble laughing at that, lighten up Francis


Okay, the picture is funny (even though I've seen it a dozen times), the rest is only amusing to the kind of person who likes John Denver tunes.
 
2012-09-04 12:53:35 PM
www.tenniswood.co.uk

We should just surrender to our new bear overlords like the French did.
 
2012-09-04 12:58:17 PM

planes: Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed Bearack Obearma.


Unfortunately, he used to be a hardworking taxpayer employed by Bair Capital, until Mitt Romney sent his job to China for some panda to perform at a third of the wages.
 
2012-09-04 12:59:31 PM
If bears are outlawed, only outlaws will have bears.
 
2012-09-04 12:59:38 PM

Wade_Wilson: The bear, to its credit, decided that chasing after and mauling a yelping, backwards hopping madman wasn't a good investment of its time and went off the other way


this sentence is awesome
 
2012-09-04 01:00:55 PM

darwinpolice: planes: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x300]

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

This is a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed Bearack Obearma.

I am embarrassed to have laughed at that. Doubly embarrassed to have laughed hard.


I rolled my eyes and scanned it til i got to Bearack Obearma and began a giggle fit.


As for me ever encountering a bear... I would shiat in my pants out of fear. My only hope being that the smell of poo radiating off of me would deter the bear from eating me.
 
2012-09-04 01:05:31 PM
Now more than ever, we need to take this sign to heart.
images.sodahead.com
 
2012-09-04 01:14:55 PM
As someone who walked up on a blackie the other night at 3am when staggering to my tent, I'm getting a kick...

/glad i was drunk, 20 feet is too close
//gladder that the bear ran away
 
2012-09-04 01:15:45 PM

Magorn: Well, "lost" is a strong word as Appalchia is swarming with Whitetail these days, I have friends in rural PA with at least three 50+ bird flocks of wild turkeys on less than 20 acres and the black bear are wandering the suburbs of far Northern VA these days.
Life finds a way.


Yes, right around 1900 we passed a bunch of laws at the state and federal level that protected game like whitetails from being hunted willy-nilly, and we mostly enforced them. That allowed them to make a comeback.
 
2012-09-04 01:20:20 PM

Stavr0: Magorn: "mostly harmless"

Oh look. Black bear crap with Magorn bits in it.


They're mostly harmless except for the teeth. And the claws. And the massive strength. And the hunger.
 
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