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(AP)   Police end their search for body parts after finding only one torso floating in the river. And it wasn't even the torso they were looking for   (hosted.ap.org) divider line 50
    More: Sick, Niagara River, Mississauga, Niagara Regional Police, porn actor  
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5146 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Sep 2012 at 10:30 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-02 09:33:25 AM
And that torso wasn't even supposed to be there that day.
 
2012-09-02 09:40:08 AM

vudukungfu: And that torso wasn't even supposed to be there that day.


Shoe-polish smelling mothertorsofarker.
 
2012-09-02 10:18:05 AM
Investigators have called the woman's death a homicide, but said it has been difficult to determine where exactly the torso may have entered the water and where the crime scene may be located.

Found a torso, might be homicide.

It's finally good to see evidence that our tax dollars are being spent in useful manner. Why, without that training they've received, we might have assumed it death by natural causes.
 
2012-09-02 10:31:41 AM
"Nothing harder to solve than a floater..."

/Found a wallet, no cash in it though
 
2012-09-02 10:33:50 AM
I hate it when that happens
 
2012-09-02 10:34:18 AM
Johnny Long-Torso
Johnny Long-Torso
The man who comes in pieces
*whipcrack*
 
2012-09-02 10:34:22 AM
"You can go about your business."

"You can go about your business."

"Move along."

"Move along."
 
2012-09-02 10:37:36 AM
The family of the torso wanted to sue the police for negligence but were advised they didn't have a leg to stand on.
 
2012-09-02 10:38:01 AM
Please don't be Canada, please don't be Canada, please don't be Can--Dammit!

What the hell is in the water up here these days? I mean apart from dismembered torsos.
 
2012-09-02 10:39:55 AM

I_Am_Weasel: Investigators have called the woman's death a homicide, but said it has been difficult to determine where exactly the torso may have entered the water and where the crime scene may be located.

Found a torso, might be homicide.

It's finally good to see evidence that our tax dollars are being spent in useful manner. Why, without that training they've received, we might have assumed it death by natural causes.


When the original story ran Friday, I made a comment about it to a friend who said "hey. They could have fallen on a really big saw by accident near the water and landed there on their own. Totally plausible, right"

Its like the damned body part mailings a few months back. "We believe a homicide took place". That's some good work there Lou.
 
2012-09-02 10:46:01 AM
There are always lots of bodies fished out of the Niagara river. The Falls are an international suicide destination, sadly.

The real news in Niagara Falls is all the negative attention Marineland has been getting for it's awful animal abuses. Too bad the torso is taking over the news cycle.
 
2012-09-02 10:50:16 AM

Bondith: Please don't be Canada, please don't be Canada, please don't be Can--Dammit!

What the hell is in the water up here these days? I mean apart from dismembered torsos.


Body parts have been washing up in the NW as well. Maybe it's the poutine.
 
2012-09-02 10:52:11 AM
Hoo, buoy!
 
2012-09-02 10:54:27 AM

Bondith: Please don't be Canada, please don't be Canada, please don't be Can--Dammit!

What the hell is in the water up here these days? I mean apart from dismembered torsos.


Yes, sadly strange things are afoot and Canada is building up a body of work in torso related crimes, it is not at all disarming to hear of such things and one can lose one's head.
 
2012-09-02 10:58:57 AM

I_Am_Weasel: Investigators have called the woman's death a homicide, but said it has been difficult to determine where exactly the torso may have entered the water and where the crime scene may be located.

Found a torso, might be homicide.


i1079.photobucket.com
 
2012-09-02 10:59:55 AM
Im thinking the head went ahead
 
2012-09-02 11:00:32 AM

I_Am_Weasel: Bondith: Please don't be Canada, please don't be Canada, please don't be Can--Dammit!

What the hell is in the water up here these days? I mean apart from dismembered torsos.

Yes, sadly strange things are afoot and Canada is building up a body of work in torso related crimes, it is not at all disarming to hear of such things and one can lose one's head.


Two thumbs up.
 
2012-09-02 11:04:55 AM
Bobette


Scaryda
 
2012-09-02 11:10:18 AM
tsk, tsk, canada

Pull yourself together. There's no such thing as a free hand out anymore. You can't keep opening your mouth and putting your foot in it. Why don't you keep your heads about you and solve this jigsaw puzzle already.

/meh, weak. sorry
//don't have a leg to stand on
 
2012-09-02 11:11:02 AM
YOU'RE TEARING ME APART, LISA!!!
 
2012-09-02 11:12:50 AM

GypsyJoker


Johnny Long-Torso
Johnny Long-Torso
The man who comes in pieces
*whipcrack*


The Mads would be proud.
 
2012-09-02 11:20:57 AM

danno_to_infinity: tsk, tsk, canada

Pull yourself together. There's no such thing as a free hand out anymore. You can't keep opening your mouth and putting your foot in it. Why don't you keep your heads about you and solve this jigsaw puzzle already.

/meh, weak. sorry
//don't have a leg to stand on


I doubt your post will make the Fark Best Pun-Filled Post book, but they may put it in the appendix.

/hear about the FedEx guy's mutilated torso? It was delivered.
 
2012-09-02 11:42:02 AM
www.dailydiscord.com
 
2012-09-02 11:42:09 AM

Bennie Crabtree: There are always lots of bodies fished out of the Niagara river. The Falls are an international suicide destination, sadly.

The real news in Niagara Falls is all the negative attention Marineland has been getting for it's awful animal abuses. Too bad the torso is taking over the news cycle.


NIAGARA FALLS!

Slowly I turned. Step by step, inch by inch.
 
2012-09-02 11:43:04 AM

Englebert Slaptyback: GypsyJoker

Johnny Long-Torso
Johnny Long-Torso
The man who comes in pieces
*whipcrack*


The Mads would be proud.


*sniff* Thank you.
 
2012-09-02 12:16:46 PM

Fluorescent Testicle: [www.dailydiscord.com image 454x379]


Hm. Nevermind.

/heads back out
 
2012-09-02 12:35:01 PM
What makes this unusual is not that they found a body in the lower Niagara, but that it was only a torso.
If it was a whole body, it wouldn't have made the news.

/Statistically, the body is probably as likely to be from the US as Canada.
 
2012-09-02 01:34:47 PM

I_Am_Weasel: Found a torso, might be homicide.


or a really powerful sneeze,
 
2012-09-02 01:34:59 PM

danno_to_infinity: tsk, tsk, canada


Actually, the locals in Niagara Falls have kind of the same dark sense of humour that you do. Niagara Falls has this gruesome side to it. There are suicides, boating accidents, and foul play that result in people falling into the water all along the Niagara river, from the USA and Canada. Eventually (maybe days later) they end up near the falls, and usually they get caught in a turbine from all the hydro generators. That is one of the absolute worst jobs in the world: being the diver who cleans those things out once or twice a year. Very few people do it, and they usually end up all PTSD-ish and in therapy for life. One of the coping strategies of the community is to live with a macabre sense of humour. It creates a very sardonic counterpoint to the wax museums on Lunday's Lane and honeymooners' paradise.

LabGrrl: What makes this unusual is not that they found a body in the lower Niagara, but that it was only a torso.
If it was a whole body, it wouldn't have made the news.


Not really (see above).
 
2012-09-02 01:40:44 PM
ewww, pierced naval.

Not my kind of torso.

I'm guessing that there's a butterfly tatoo just above where her ass goes.
 
2012-09-02 02:00:13 PM

Salmon: ewww, pierced naval.

Not my kind of torso.

I'm guessing that there's a butterfly tatoo just above where her ass goes.


i105.photobucket.com
?
 
2012-09-02 03:02:57 PM

FloydA: Salmon: ewww, pierced naval.

Not my kind of torso.

I'm guessing that there's a butterfly tatoo just above where her ass goes.

[i105.photobucket.com image 480x310]
?


Submariner-like posting detected...
 
2012-09-02 03:31:23 PM

EZ Writer: FloydA: Salmon: ewww, pierced naval.

Not my kind of torso.

I'm guessing that there's a butterfly tatoo just above where her ass goes.

[i105.photobucket.com image 480x310]
?

Submariner-like posting detected...


Well they are the pierced naval experts.
 
2012-09-02 04:13:43 PM

GypsyJoker: I_Am_Weasel: Investigators have called the woman's death a homicide, but said it has been difficult to determine where exactly the torso may have entered the water and where the crime scene may be located.

Found a torso, might be homicide.


[i1079.photobucket.com image 400x300]


"Now, where's my doughnut?"
 
2012-09-02 04:22:51 PM

I_Am_Weasel: Investigators have called the woman's death a homicide, but said it has been difficult to determine where exactly the torso may have entered the water and where the crime scene may be located.

Found a torso, might be homicide.

It's finally good to see evidence that our tax dollars are being spent in useful manner. Why, without that training they've received, we might have assumed it death by natural causes.


Ha ha, funny person...it could have been a suicide that got chopped up by a passing boat propeller. I'm told that happens not infrequently: Fool jumps off bridge, dies, body gets sucked under a barge, slice&dice. Then it would not be a homicide.
 
2012-09-02 04:38:54 PM

danielscissorhands: YOU'RE TEARING ME APART, LISA!!!


With a name like "Scissorhands", I'd keep a low profile right now if I were you.
 
2012-09-02 04:58:42 PM

Bennie Crabtree: danno_to_infinity: tsk, tsk, canada

Actually, the locals in Niagara Falls have kind of the same dark sense of humour that you do. Niagara Falls has this gruesome side to it. There are suicides, boating accidents, and foul play that result in people falling into the water all along the Niagara river, from the USA and Canada. Eventually (maybe days later) they end up near the falls, and usually they get caught in a turbine from all the hydro generators. That is one of the absolute worst jobs in the world: being the diver who cleans those things out once or twice a year. Very few people do it, and they usually end up all PTSD-ish and in therapy for life. One of the coping strategies of the community is to live with a macabre sense of humour. It creates a very sardonic counterpoint to the wax museums on Lunday's Lane and honeymooners' paradise.

LabGrrl: What makes this unusual is not that they found a body in the lower Niagara, but that it was only a torso.
If it was a whole body, it wouldn't have made the news.

Not really (see above).


It seems ironic in a place known for its balmy weather, thriving industrial base, and all-around alcohol-free cheery people-Oh, and who can forget miles of unspoiled "fresh"water beaches, or the sports dynasties that forever embarrass your Neighbor to the East!
/Gentle tease from a native-parents were "mixed marriage"-He Italian, she Irish (woulda been OK if she were Polish), so they moved me "day-own say-oth" while I was still in diapers. (Kindest thing they ever did for me!)
//No, these aren't diapers, they're Dependstm! Someday you, too, will know the difference!
 
2012-09-02 05:01:44 PM

EZ Writer: FloydA: Salmon: ewww, pierced naval.

Not my kind of torso.

I'm guessing that there's a butterfly tatoo just above where her ass goes.

[i105.photobucket.com image 480x310]
?

Submariner-like posting detected...


Can they get FARK over ELF?
 
2012-09-02 05:24:59 PM

Bennie Crabtree: danno_to_infinity: tsk, tsk, canada

Actually, the locals in Niagara Falls have kind of the same dark sense of humour that you do. Niagara Falls has this gruesome side to it. There are suicides, boating accidents, and foul play that result in people falling into the water all along the Niagara river, from the USA and Canada. Eventually (maybe days later) they end up near the falls, and usually they get caught in a turbine from all the hydro generators. That is one of the absolute worst jobs in the world: being the diver who cleans those things out once or twice a year. Very few people do it, and they usually end up all PTSD-ish and in therapy for life. One of the coping strategies of the community is to live with a macabre sense of humour. It creates a very sardonic counterpoint to the wax museums on Lunday's Lane and honeymooners' paradise.

LabGrrl: What makes this unusual is not that they found a body in the lower Niagara, but that it was only a torso.
If it was a whole body, it wouldn't have made the news.

Not really (see above).


Believe that if you'd like, but finding only a torso, no feet, no hands, no head anywhere in the whole thing. See, the problem is that the hydroturbines don't dump bodies into the falls, they dump them into the reservoirs and the outflows from them....downriver from the falls.

But what do I know, I just hang with one of the body pullers sometimes. 

(The neatest ones actually go through the whirlpool and end up in lake Ontario.)
 
2012-09-02 05:28:57 PM

Donn C. Drummond in Disguise:
It seems ironic in a place known for its balmy weather, thriving industrial base, and all-around alcohol-free cheery people-Oh, and who can forget miles of unspoiled "fresh"water beaches, or the sports dynasties that forever embarrass your Neighbor to the East!


I never understood how people would think Lake Erie was filthy when the water in it changes over completely every seven years. It's a toilet, yeah....but it FLUSHES.

Could be because I was born near the most polluted lake in the country.

/Also could be the birth defects. Twitch.
 
2012-09-02 06:03:06 PM

LabGrrl: Bennie Crabtree: danno_to_infinity: tsk, tsk, canada

Actually, the locals in Niagara Falls have kind of the same dark sense of humour that you do. Niagara Falls has this gruesome side to it. There are suicides, boating accidents, and foul play that result in people falling into the water all along the Niagara river, from the USA and Canada. Eventually (maybe days later) they end up near the falls, and usually they get caught in a turbine from all the hydro generators. That is one of the absolute worst jobs in the world: being the diver who cleans those things out once or twice a year. Very few people do it, and they usually end up all PTSD-ish and in therapy for life. One of the coping strategies of the community is to live with a macabre sense of humour. It creates a very sardonic counterpoint to the wax museums on Lunday's Lane and honeymooners' paradise.

LabGrrl: What makes this unusual is not that they found a body in the lower Niagara, but that it was only a torso.
If it was a whole body, it wouldn't have made the news.

Not really (see above).

Believe that if you'd like, but finding only a torso, no feet, no hands, no head anywhere in the whole thing. See, the problem is that the hydroturbines don't dump bodies into the falls, they dump them into the reservoirs and the outflows from them....downriver from the falls.

But what do I know, I just hang with one of the body pullers sometimes. 

(The neatest ones actually go through the whirlpool and end up in lake Ontario.)


BODY PULLER?!??! That's a JOB?!??!?!?
 
2012-09-02 06:29:29 PM

Gyrfalcon:
BODY PULLER?!??! That's a JOB?!??!?!?


90% of it is apparently pulling logs and big dead fish out of the water, but they apparently have to assume it's bodies if someone calls them. But I was told about a guy that got hit in the head with a live salmon and knocked out...apparently that's a thing, too. I think they are officially fish and wildlife. I know they also bust people for not having fishing licenses.

I also was told that almost every week, all this year, they find a realistic baby doll...like, creepy realistic. Like, someone is doing some weird ass art thing.
 
2012-09-02 08:09:07 PM
Pffftttt. Amateurs. In Detroit we find them 2 at a time.
 
2012-09-02 08:09:29 PM

LabGrrl: Gyrfalcon:
BODY PULLER?!??! That's a JOB?!??!?!?

90% of it is apparently pulling logs and big dead fish out of the water, but they apparently have to assume it's bodies if someone calls them. But I was told about a guy that got hit in the head with a live salmon and knocked out...apparently that's a thing, too. I think they are officially fish and wildlife. I know they also bust people for not having fishing licenses.

I also was told that almost every week, all this year, they find a realistic baby doll...like, creepy realistic. Like, someone is doing some weird ass art thing.


I am so becoming a hermit....AAAAHHHH!!
 
2012-09-02 08:39:48 PM

Gyrfalcon: LabGrrl: Gyrfalcon:
BODY PULLER?!??! That's a JOB?!??!?!?

90% of it is apparently pulling logs and big dead fish out of the water, but they apparently have to assume it's bodies if someone calls them. But I was told about a guy that got hit in the head with a live salmon and knocked out...apparently that's a thing, too. I think they are officially fish and wildlife. I know they also bust people for not having fishing licenses.

I also was told that almost every week, all this year, they find a realistic baby doll...like, creepy realistic. Like, someone is doing some weird ass art thing.

I am so becoming a hermit....AAAAHHHH!!


maybe there is a slow leak at the realistic baby doll factory upstream?..,...someone aught to look into that
 
2012-09-02 10:50:02 PM
"And it wasn't even the torso they were looking for."


....... torso they say......
 
2012-09-02 10:51:41 PM

Ed Finnerty: The family of the torso wanted to sue the police for negligence but were advised they didn't have a leg to stand on.



And when the family asked the cops to stick their necks out and try harder, the cops couldn't even hand them them their asses.
 
2012-09-02 10:58:46 PM

sparkeyjames: Pffftttt. Amateurs. In Detroit we find them 2 at a time.



Yeah, but up here that causes mad inflation, especially with the exchange rate.
 
2012-09-02 11:00:29 PM

Kanemano: Gyrfalcon: LabGrrl: Gyrfalcon:
BODY PULLER?!??! That's a JOB?!??!?!?

90% of it is apparently pulling logs and big dead fish out of the water, but they apparently have to assume it's bodies if someone calls them. But I was told about a guy that got hit in the head with a live salmon and knocked out...apparently that's a thing, too. I think they are officially fish and wildlife. I know they also bust people for not having fishing licenses.

I also was told that almost every week, all this year, they find a realistic baby doll...like, creepy realistic. Like, someone is doing some weird ass art thing.

I am so becoming a hermit....AAAAHHHH!!

maybe there is a slow leak at the realistic baby doll factory upstream?..,...someone aught to look into that




Yeah, probably due to the QA guy..... if he tilts his head back his eyes close.
 
2012-09-02 11:40:38 PM

serialsuicidebomber: K
Yeah, probably due to the QA guy..... if he tilts his head back his eyes close.


And if you gut punch him he cries "Mama!"
 
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