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(KVUE Austin)   Hipster robs Portland bank, makes bank-robbing cool again   (kvue.com) divider line 55
    More: Ironic, demand note, KGW  
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8741 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Sep 2012 at 10:29 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-09-01 07:59:43 AM
 
2012-09-01 10:22:36 AM
Liked this bank because the safe was still underground.
 
2012-09-01 10:33:48 AM
This guy found the perfect disguise for Portland, OR. The cops will never find him.

Unless they just start rounding up all the hipsters into huge detention centers, and even as big a civil libertarian as I am, I'm OK with that.
 
2012-09-01 10:34:52 AM

jake_lex: This guy found the perfect disguise for Portland, OR. The cops will never find him.

Unless they just start rounding up all the hipsters into huge detention centers, and even as big a civil libertarian as I am, I'm OK with that.


was he smoking POT
 
2012-09-01 10:38:39 AM
I laughed hard at the use of the ironic tag.
 
2012-09-01 10:39:15 AM
White or Asian male bank robber described as looking "like a hipster" in Portland, Oregon.

Well that narrows the list of suspects down to EVERY FARKING DUDE IN THE FARKING METROPOLITAN AREA!!!
 
2012-09-01 10:43:55 AM
Having never been to Portland, I have to wonder. How can an entire city be run by hipsters, does anything ever get done there?
 
2012-09-01 10:45:27 AM

Ikam: Having never been to Portland, I have to wonder. How can an entire city be run by hipsters, does anything ever get done there?


No no, the mayor is a gay man who had a relationship with an underage assistant. The hipsters are the ones who vote him in to run the city. Totally different thing.
 
2012-09-01 10:48:18 AM
An addiction to Starbucks led to his life of crime.
 
2012-09-01 10:50:44 AM
How freaking broke is that newspaper that they could only gather four bucks to photograph ?
 
2012-09-01 10:50:59 AM
what is a hipster is it like a hippie or pot smoking hippo??
 
2012-09-01 10:51:37 AM

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Ikam: Having never been to Portland, I have to wonder. How can an entire city be run by hipsters, does anything ever get done there?

No no, the mayor is a gay man who had a relationship with an underage assistant. The hipsters are the ones who vote him in to run the city. Totally different thing.


Many times, I have read on Fark that being gay does not lead to having sex with underage people.
 
2012-09-01 10:55:22 AM

smitty04: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Ikam: Having never been to Portland, I have to wonder. How can an entire city be run by hipsters, does anything ever get done there?

No no, the mayor is a gay man who had a relationship with an underage assistant. The hipsters are the ones who vote him in to run the city. Totally different thing.

Many times, I have read on Fark that being gay does not lead to having sex with underage people.


since when is "being happy" a crime
 
2012-09-01 10:57:49 AM

smitty04: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Ikam: Having never been to Portland, I have to wonder. How can an entire city be run by hipsters, does anything ever get done there?

No no, the mayor is a gay man who had a relationship with an underage assistant. The hipsters are the ones who vote him in to run the city. Totally different thing.

Many times, I have read on Fark that being gay does not lead to having sex with underage people.


Many times I've read on Fark that straight people lock their daughters in a basement dungeon and rape them repeatedly throughout their lives.
 
2012-09-01 10:59:47 AM
I preferred Portland before it was over-run with hipsters.
 
2012-09-01 11:01:01 AM

Hot Rod Zoidberg: smitty04: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Ikam: Having never been to Portland, I have to wonder. How can an entire city be run by hipsters, does anything ever get done there?

No no, the mayor is a gay man who had a relationship with an underage assistant. The hipsters are the ones who vote him in to run the city. Totally different thing.

Many times, I have read on Fark that being gay does not lead to having sex with underage people.

Many times I've read on Fark that straight people lock their daughters in a basement dungeon and rape them repeatedly throughout their lives.


and boy do they love it!
 
2012-09-01 11:04:29 AM
Where is the evidence that he was a hipster?

Was he playing hackey-sack?
 
2012-09-01 11:06:02 AM

MAYORBOB: White or Asian male bank robber described as looking "like a hipster" in Portland, Oregon.

Well that narrows the list of suspects down to EVERY FARKING DUDE IN THE FARKING METROPOLITAN AREA!!!


That's going a bit far. If one moves out to the 'burbs around there (eg. Gresham,Tigard) you have your tattooed methheads, and if you move south ( Lake Oswego) , you have your douchebag neo-preppies.

There's lots of diversity around that metro area...

/ used to live in Beaverton as a high-tech factory drone
 
2012-09-01 11:07:25 AM

BumpInTheNight: I preferred Portland before it was over-run with hipsters.


People in California kept voting for issues that would raise taxes, once the place became too expensive, the hippies moved to Portland and the conservatives moved to Texas.
 
2012-09-01 11:11:24 AM
Living close to Portland I was really confused about what a hipster looked like - I had to GIS the darn thing. Still confused. To me, hipster looks just about like anybody that's not wearing a police uniform or business suit. Only tip I can give them is the suspect is probably hiding behind a bush with green leaves.

That cop's going to have the fashion police all over him. Off duty, he probably only wears tactical pants, polo shirt, (blue), black shoes, and a police association ball cap - and can't understand why anyone would dress differently.
 
2012-09-01 11:19:43 AM
I just moved to the greater Portland area myself. His best escape plan is to cover himself in dirt and proceed to walk down the highway.

/Way more filthy homeless people than you'll see in Boston.
//They also seem to be a lot less like really farked up crackheads...
 
2012-09-01 11:20:15 AM
His race is unknown?
 
2012-09-01 11:20:31 AM
4.bp.blogspot.com
PORTLAND - Too Many Hipsters...Too Few Organic Coffeehouses.
 
2012-09-01 11:21:36 AM

smitty04: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Ikam: Having never been to Portland, I have to wonder. How can an entire city be run by hipsters, does anything ever get done there?

No no, the mayor is a gay man who had a relationship with an underage assistant. The hipsters are the ones who vote him in to run the city. Totally different thing.

Many times, I have read on Fark that being gay does not lead to having sex with underage people.


In retrospect I suppose I should have omitted the fact he was gay. The fact he diddled a kid had nothing to do with him being gay but had everything to do with him being a scumbag.
 
2012-09-01 11:24:30 AM
Ahh...the rare hipster trifecta in play today...
 
2012-09-01 11:28:57 AM
He was described as a male white or Asian

how can you not tell?
 
2012-09-01 11:33:46 AM
Daddy cut off the Amex card I take it?
 
2012-09-01 11:42:06 AM

BumpInTheNight: I preferred Portland before it was over-run with hipsters.


NICE
 
2012-09-01 11:43:49 AM

Ikam: Having never been to Portland, I have to wonder. How can an entire city be run by hipsters, does anything ever get done there?


Sure. Bike paths get done, building a soccer only stadium got done (kicking out baseball to do so in the process). The mayor's 18 year old gay boyfriend got done. By the mayor.
 
2012-09-01 11:45:05 AM

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: smitty04: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Ikam: Having never been to Portland, I have to wonder. How can an entire city be run by hipsters, does anything ever get done there?

No no, the mayor is a gay man who had a relationship with an underage assistant. The hipsters are the ones who vote him in to run the city. Totally different thing.

Many times, I have read on Fark that being gay does not lead to having sex with underage people.

In retrospect I suppose I should have omitted the fact he was gay. The fact he diddled a kid had nothing to do with him being gay but had everything to do with him being a scumbag.


well i think it matters if he was "happy" while being a scumbag or unhappy and grumpy
 
2012-09-01 11:45:34 AM
Somewhat relevant to the topic:

chzmemebase.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-09-01 11:50:35 AM

Generation_D: Ikam: Having never been to Portland, I have to wonder. How can an entire city be run by hipsters, does anything ever get done there?

Sure. Bike paths get done, building a soccer only stadium got done (kicking out baseball to do so in the process). The mayor's 18 year old gay boyfriend got done. By the mayor.


Don't live there any more, but that really irked me...

/ It's still Civic Stadium to me
 
2012-09-01 12:02:06 PM

Forbidden Doughnut: Generation_D: Ikam: Having never been to Portland, I have to wonder. How can an entire city be run by hipsters, does anything ever get done there?

Sure. Bike paths get done, building a soccer only stadium got done (kicking out baseball to do so in the process). The mayor's 18 year old gay boyfriend got done. By the mayor.

Don't live there any more, but that really irked me...

/ It's still Civic Stadium to me


Watching Richie Rich (Merrit Paulson) ram his ideas through the Council and over the Nimby's was a thing to behold. Now watching him fumble and stumble as a soccer owner is equally amusing, if not more so.

But this isn't a Sounders / Timbers thread....
 
2012-09-01 12:05:20 PM
I was robbing banks before it was cool.
 
2012-09-01 12:11:05 PM

Ikam: Having never been to Portland, I have to wonder. How can an entire city be run by hipsters, does anything ever get done there?


I also wonder the exact same thing, but I see it has been explained in some detail. I've heard from a few friends that have been out that way that the microbrews are something to be desired, but the weather is..questionable (however they went in March).

Portland Farkers, is my friend a liar? I happen to enjoy a brew now and then, so I must know.
 
2012-09-01 12:14:06 PM
Put a bird on it
 
2012-09-01 12:19:35 PM
My sister works at a Portland bank, so I'm really getting a kick...
 
2012-09-01 12:33:12 PM

BumpInTheNight: I preferred PortlandAustin before it was over-run with hipsters.

I feel your pain.
 
2012-09-01 01:07:55 PM

Generation_D: Forbidden Doughnut: Generation_D: Ikam: Having never been to Portland, I have to wonder. How can an entire city be run by hipsters, does anything ever get done there?

Sure. Bike paths get done, building a soccer only stadium got done (kicking out baseball to do so in the process). The mayor's 18 year old gay boyfriend got done. By the mayor.

Don't live there any more, but that really irked me...

/ It's still Civic Stadium to me

Watching Richie Rich (Merrit Paulson) ram his ideas through the Council and over the Nimby's was a thing to behold. Now watching him fumble and stumble as a soccer owner is equally amusing, if not more so.

But this isn't a Sounders / Timbers thread....


He certainly hasn't failed, he has even really stumbled. It's an expansion team so there will be growing pains. Is the owner of a team really supposed to dictate player decisions? That's what the GM and coach are for. He's even come out and said he leaves soccer decions to the soccer guys. He just bankrolls the team and Jeld-Wen is a pretty nice field. I'd like to see him get rid of Gavin but the team looks better as of late (I was @ the game last night in the Army). Most of the people that don't like him here are poor losers that don't understand that you can't choose your parents. I think he's a pretty standup guy and when I've met him he's always been cool. He's a huge fan of the supporters groups here which is refreshing in sports.

sovietski: Ikam: Having never been to Portland, I have to wonder. How can an entire city be run by hipsters, does anything ever get done there?

I also wonder the exact same thing, but I see it has been explained in some detail. I've heard from a few friends that have been out that way that the microbrews are something to be desired, but the weather is..questionable (however they went in March).

Portland Farkers, is my friend a liar? I happen to enjoy a brew now and then, so I must know.


There are some absolutely fantastic beers. Not everything is an IPA with 200IBUs. In fact of all the places I've lived I find the beer here superior in variety(including Germany). The neat thing is since there are so many brewpubs and breweries people really try to branch out and try new things to differentiate themselves like sour barrel beers (Cascade). My favorite spot is actually a cidery, only cider only bar/brewery in the states as far as I know. I believe we have the highest breweries per capita in the US.

As for the weather, sure it rains and is gloomy but the summers are amazing. Visit in July-October and you won't want to leave, visit in March and you won't come back. I love it since I live in downtown I almost never drive. It's the most like Europe I've found in the states.

/also the highest number of strip clubs per capita in the US
 
2012-09-01 01:36:02 PM
Just out of curiosity, but is robbing a bank even worth it? What's the maximum amount of cash that a teller generally keeps in their drawer? I can't imagine getting more than a few thousand at best for a possible 3-5 year sentence (larger if weapon is involved). Wouldn't it make more sense to get into embezzlement, wire fraud, money laundering, etc.?
 
2012-09-01 01:40:09 PM

aphexcoil: Wouldn't it make more sense to get into embezzlement, wire fraud, money laundering, etc.?


25.media.tumblr.com

armed robbery is for poor people
 
2012-09-01 01:52:51 PM

aphexcoil: Just out of curiosity, but is robbing a bank even worth it? What's the maximum amount of cash that a teller generally keeps in their drawer? I can't imagine getting more than a few thousand at best for a possible 3-5 year sentence (larger if weapon is involved). Wouldn't it make more sense to get into embezzlement, wire fraud, money laundering, etc.?


Apparently it is worthwhile to somebody.

I looked up in stats in my area and I was surprised to see 131 bank robberies so far this year
Bandit Tracker Chicago

Also, from FBI.gov "In 2009 alone, more than $45 million was stolen and some 140 people injured in nearly 6,000 robberies of financial institutions reported to us from across the nation."
 
2012-09-01 02:52:40 PM
5' 7" sounds about right for the typical hipster/beta male/Farker.
 
2012-09-01 03:36:02 PM

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: My favorite spot is actually a cidery, only cider only bar/brewery in the states as far as I know.


Is that Bushwhacker on Powell at 12th? I was told they have a good cider selection.
 
2012-09-01 03:49:32 PM

davidphogan: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: My favorite spot is actually a cidery, only cider only bar/brewery in the states as far as I know.

Is that Bushwhacker on Powell at 12th? I was told they have a good cider selection.


You betcha. They have the best selection I've ever seen for ciders. They carry Old Rosie which I thought was only available in the UK. Tons of other stuff and they make cider cocktails. If they have cherry cider and a bourbon barrel aged they can make a cider manhattan which is amazing and super cheap.m if you have a gluten allergy or just like ciders this the place to be.
 
2012-09-01 03:49:47 PM

Ficoce: Living close to Portland I was really confused about what a hipster looked like - I had to GIS the darn thing. Still confused. To me, hipster looks just about like anybody that's not wearing a police uniform or business suit. Only tip I can give them is the suspect is probably hiding behind a bush with green leaves.

That cop's going to have the fashion police all over him. Off duty, he probably only wears tactical pants, polo shirt, (blue), black shoes, and a police association ball cap - and can't understand why anyone would dress differently.


d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net
 
2012-09-01 04:19:38 PM
Well done on the tag, subby
 
2012-09-01 04:20:52 PM

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: You betcha. They have the best selection I've ever seen for ciders. They carry Old Rosie which I thought was only available in the UK. Tons of other stuff and they make cider cocktails. If they have cherry cider and a bourbon barrel aged they can make a cider manhattan which is amazing and super cheap.m if you have a gluten allergy or just like ciders this the place to be.


It's been on my to-go-to-list for a bit, I think I'll have to walk over next week.
 
2012-09-01 05:50:16 PM

Jon iz teh kewl: what is a hipster is it like a hippie or pot smoking hippo??


Watch Portlandia. It's a mocumentary by Armisen but the Hipsters here love it because it's largely accurate. And the rest of America points and laughs.
 
2012-09-01 06:30:31 PM
Took the kids on a small roadie this summer. SLC to Portland. Went for the Vans Warped tour. I grew up in the Bay Area so I know about Hipster Douches. That being said, Portland was cool. The trees, the river, the cool breakfast places, all were awesome. Maybe it's because SLC sucks ass and I'm skewed. Oh and the greenbelt area of Boise was nice too.
 
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