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(Washington Post)   Dude walks in to 7-11 with a gun to hold up the place while his partner throws a firecracker in the door, startling robber #1, who then, scared, runs out the door. DAMN MAN, WE SHOULDA REHEARSED THAT   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 51
    More: Fail, Modal verb, George Mason, robbery, Arlington  
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4231 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Aug 2012 at 6:06 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-31 03:24:32 PM  
 
2012-08-31 03:31:48 PM  
DUDE STILL SUCKS!

/Am I doing it right?
//I've been drinking.
 
2012-08-31 03:43:28 PM  
something something clever plan something
 
2012-08-31 05:21:20 PM  
a4.ec-images.myspacecdn.com
 
2012-08-31 05:24:09 PM  
reviewsfromtheabyss.files.wordpress.com

Eddie: They're armed.
Soap: What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what?
Eddie: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? 

/Just because
 
2012-08-31 05:48:32 PM  
Why the fark do people always rob liquor stores? How much money could they possibly have? And it's always managed by some brown person with nothing to lose.
 
2012-08-31 06:10:05 PM  

Mugato: Why the fark do people always rob liquor stores? How much money could they possibly have? And it's always managed by some brown person with nothing to lose.


I always assumed it was because of the higher concentration of liquor stores in low-income areas. That and Four Loko.
 
2012-08-31 06:12:25 PM  
Awesome, totally awesome!
 
2012-08-31 06:14:20 PM  
You try robbing a store while drinking a white Russian...

/dnrtfa
 
2012-08-31 06:15:40 PM  
With so much racial unrest it's nice for a change to see whites and blacks working towards a common goal.
 
2012-08-31 06:16:14 PM  

Mugato: Why the fark do people always rob liquor stores? How much money could they possibly have? And it's always managed by some brown person with nothing to lose.


Because you be smart about it at a liquor store. Act all smooth when you walk in, grab you a bottle of EW or something like that, then when you get up to the counter you ask for a bottle of the top shelf stuff like Crown 12 Year old or whatever, and when his back is turned, that's when you pull out the piece and when he turns around, "Surprise, biatch!". Then you get the cash and two sweet bottles of hooch and you don't even have to waste none of the money you stoled, plus you got a bottle for both you and the old lady and it's party time. That's A to B, man. Making it a thinking man's game.
 
2012-08-31 06:19:02 PM  
So Dude is robber #1? I'm confused, and probably out of my element.
 
2012-08-31 06:19:28 PM  
M-O-O-N spells blue. ;)
 
2012-08-31 06:22:28 PM  

Mugato: Why the fark do people always rob liquor stores?


I guess some people take the whole convenience store moniker a little too literally.
 
2012-08-31 06:23:21 PM  
It's like Die Hard, but significantly less awesome all around.
 
2012-08-31 06:23:26 PM  
That headline sounds racist.
 
2012-08-31 06:23:49 PM  
That is some damn fine idiocy in play.
 
2012-08-31 06:32:25 PM  

jayhawk88: Mugato: Why the fark do people always rob liquor stores? How much money could they possibly have? And it's always managed by some brown person with nothing to lose.

Because you be smart about it at a liquor store. Act all smooth when you walk in, grab you a bottle of EW or something like that, then when you get up to the counter you ask for a bottle of the top shelf stuff like Crown 12 Year old or whatever, and when his back is turned, that's when you pull out the piece and when he turns around, "Surprise, biatch!". Then you get the cash and two sweet bottles of hooch and you don't even have to waste none of the money you stoled, plus you got a bottle for both you and the old lady and it's party time. That's A to B, man. Making it a thinking man's game.


Ha, I enjoyed reading that. Is that from a movie?
 
2012-08-31 06:37:47 PM  
I reread that headline three times and I'm still not sure whether the word "panther" was in it.
 
2012-08-31 06:48:06 PM  

fluffybunny: Eddie: They're armed.
Soap: What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what?
Eddie: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with?



"Everybody stop. getting. shot."

Alternatively:

"Too tight? You can land a jumbo farkin' jet in there."
 
2012-08-31 06:48:17 PM  
Nice headline. I lol'd
anonandon.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-08-31 06:52:04 PM  

mechgreg: Awesome, totally awesome!


Up this ramp?
 
2012-08-31 06:53:40 PM  
Partner? No, the second guy was just a concerned citizen who innocently walked into a robbery in progress. Thank goodness he was a fireworks salesman who just happened to have a few samples in his pocket.
 
2012-08-31 07:09:50 PM  
Was Cousin Irving behind the farking counter with a farking magnum in his hand?
 
2012-08-31 07:13:41 PM  
He didn't hold the gun sideways, so he wasn't a Serious Badass
 
2012-08-31 07:38:01 PM  

Heamer: Mugato: Why the fark do people always rob liquor stores?

I guess some people take the whole convenience store moniker a little too literally.


Sorry I meant to say "convenience stores". I was hearing about a liquor store being robbed when I was writing that.
 
2012-08-31 07:41:37 PM  

Ed Finnerty: Mugato: Why the fark do people always rob liquor stores? How much money could they possibly have? And it's always managed by some brown person with nothing to lose.

I always assumed it was because of the higher concentration of liquor stores in low-income areas. That and Four Loko.


And they mostly deal in cash, so there's plenty of money lying around. Nobody runs into the local bodega for a 12-pack and puts it on his American Express card, you know?
 
2012-08-31 07:49:31 PM  
www.survivinggrady.com


Totally.
 
2012-08-31 07:50:09 PM  
Leroy Jenkins!
 
2012-08-31 07:50:56 PM  

Mugato: Why the fark do people always rob liquor stores? How much money could they possibly have? And it's always managed by some brown person with nothing to lose.


Technically, it's not a liquor store. 7-11s in Virginia can only sell beer and wine. That particular 7-11 isn't even in a bad part of town. I'm thinking bored teenagers.
 
2012-08-31 07:55:31 PM  

cretinbob: [a4.ec-images.myspacecdn.com image 488x366]


sharetv.org
 
2012-08-31 08:04:16 PM  

Darth Baracus: Leroy Jenkins!


Win!
 
2012-08-31 08:49:43 PM  

Mugato: Why the fark do people always rob liquor stores?


Since when is 7-11 a liquor store?
 
2012-08-31 08:50:39 PM  
and i'd guess because 7-11 is open 24/7 it makes an attractive target when everything else is closed
 
2012-08-31 08:51:52 PM  
Wow I used to live right around the corner from that 7-11, there definitely used to be some sketchy stuff that went on around that place.
 
2012-08-31 08:56:03 PM  

frizzantik: Mugato: Why the fark do people always rob liquor stores?

Since when is 7-11 a liquor store?


Oh come on, you know what he meant.
 
2012-08-31 09:01:06 PM  
Society has gotten to the point where people have no choice but to rob others. When upward mobility is all but gone, people will start bashing other people over the head for there stuff. I would die in a dumpster before it came to that, but, unfortunately most would grab the bat. Rich people should start wearing helmets.
 
2012-08-31 09:06:58 PM  

ununcle: Society has gotten to the point where people have no choice but to rob others. When upward mobility is all but gone, people will start bashing other people over the head for there stuff. I would die in a dumpster before it came to that, but, unfortunately most would grab the bat. Rich people should start wearing helmets.


And body armor.
 
2012-08-31 09:21:11 PM  
Just goes to show that most robbers are dumbasses
 
2012-08-31 09:35:51 PM  

fluffybunny


Eddie: They're armed.
Soap: What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what?
Eddie: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with?


GUNS, you tit!


"Now then, Mr. Bubble-and-squeak, you may enlighten me."
 
2012-08-31 10:11:27 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Ed Finnerty: Mugato: Why the fark do people always rob liquor stores? How much money could they possibly have? And it's always managed by some brown person with nothing to lose.

I always assumed it was because of the higher concentration of liquor stores in low-income areas. That and Four Loko.

And they mostly deal in cash, so there's plenty of money lying around. Nobody runs into the local bodega for a 12-pack and puts it on his American Express card, you know?


Grocery stores. They always have a couple hundred per register and thousands at the service counter.. Rob all the registers.. lol..
 
HBK
2012-08-31 10:19:49 PM  

ununcle: Society has gotten to the point where people have no choice but to rob others. When upward mobility is all but gone, people will start bashing other people over the head for there stuff. I would die in a dumpster before it came to that, but, unfortunately most would grab the bat. Rich people should start wearing helmets.


You do know that people have been robbing each other since time immemorial?
 
HBK
2012-08-31 10:21:13 PM  

alex10294: Gyrfalcon: Ed Finnerty: Mugato: Why the fark do people always rob liquor stores? How much money could they possibly have? And it's always managed by some brown person with nothing to lose.

I always assumed it was because of the higher concentration of liquor stores in low-income areas. That and Four Loko.

And they mostly deal in cash, so there's plenty of money lying around. Nobody runs into the local bodega for a 12-pack and puts it on his American Express card, you know?

Grocery stores. They always have a couple hundred per register and thousands at the service counter.. Rob all the registers.. lol..


That's going to be a lot of witnesses/people who can dial 911/potential heroes. That would likely be a much messier robbery than ripping off one cashier late at night.
 
2012-08-31 11:09:32 PM  

Seth'n'Spectrum: fluffybunny: Eddie: They're armed.
Soap: What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what?
Eddie: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with?


"Everybody stop. getting. shot."

Alternatively:

"Too tight? You can land a jumbo farkin' jet in there."


"it was a funny angle."
 
2012-08-31 11:54:05 PM  

LDM90: That headline sounds racist.


Protip: Degenerates of any color tend to be loud and inarticulate.
 
2012-09-01 01:01:08 AM  
i3.ytimg.com

Damn it, Huey! Robbery etiquette says you can't criticize a robbery plan during the actual robbery. You have to wait till the robbery's over.

/DNRTFA
 
2012-09-01 01:39:33 AM  
The 7-11 generally only has about $20 in the till if the clerk is doing his job right. This is fact that's well known to most people who frequent the store. What worried me back when I was a 7-11 clerk was that, if I ever found myself looking across the counter into the barrel of a gun, it was going to be held by the sort of person willing to risk an armed robbery rap for $20 in change (i.e. someone with severely deficient judgment).

While I was working there I read that convenience store clerking was the second most dangerous job in the US (taxi driving being the first). Still not sure if that's true, but it was enough to nag at me during the long, quiet stretches in the wee hours of the morning.
 
2012-09-01 06:30:38 AM  
Okay, you mother stickers! This is a farkup!
 
2012-09-01 10:00:17 AM  
Anyone with information about this combination of robbery and performance art is asked to call the Arlington police at 703-228-4161. Stop them before they fail again.

What's the WaPo writer's Fark handle?
 
2012-09-01 11:46:29 PM  
I am really glad they included the slo-mo replay at the end of the video. It really helped with all the confusion going on.
 
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