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(Derf Magazine)   "One minute I'm typing an order into the computer, the next minute there is a thunderous noise, the building shakes, and the face of Jesus is pressed staring at me through my drive thru window"   (derfmagazine.com) divider line 78
    More: Scary, Wapakoneta, Ronald McDonald, computers  
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11947 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Aug 2012 at 2:15 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-31 02:17:30 PM
The driver of the truck had attempted to maneuver the vehicle through, despite turns that were obviously too tight and a warning sign indicating that he did not have enough clearance. "I know I should have just parked and gone inside," said driver Fred Holland. "But I truly thought I was going to make it. I don't know what it was. I think that I just had this feeling that, with him, all things are possible."

If he really said that, he should be crucified.
 
2012-08-31 02:18:17 PM

Gyrfalcon: The driver of the truck had attempted to maneuver the vehicle through, despite turns that were obviously too tight and a warning sign indicating that he did not have enough clearance. "I know I should have just parked and gone inside," said driver Fred Holland. "But I truly thought I was going to make it. I don't know what it was. I think that I just had this feeling that, with him, all things are possible with Jesus."

If he really said that, he should be crucified.


FTFTFA
 
2012-08-31 02:18:34 PM
I'm going to have nightmares. If I ever sleep again.

Hmmmmmm why would you have nightmares after seeing the face of our holy savior Jesus? Could it be because you worship someone else? Hmmmmmm who could it be? Could it be....SATAN?"
img.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-31 02:19:55 PM

serial arseonist: Gyrfalcon: The driver of the truck had attempted to maneuver the vehicle through, despite turns that were obviously too tight and a warning sign indicating that he did not have enough clearance. "I know I should have just parked and gone inside," said driver Fred Holland. "But I truly thought I was going to make it. I don't know what it was. I think that I just had this feeling that, with him, all things are possible with Jesus."

If he really said that, he should be crucified.

FTFTFA


hmmm, snark fail.
in my defense, they should have capitilized 'with Him'
 
2012-08-31 02:22:16 PM
"One minute I'm typing an order into the computer, the next minute there is a thunderous noise, the building shakes, and the face of Jesus is pressed staring at me through my drive thru window. I'm going to have nightmares. If I ever sleep again."


Sounds like an atheist to me.

Scarrdy cat
 
2012-08-31 02:22:26 PM
"I know I should have just parked and gone inside,"

Leo Getz seen nodding in agreement
 
2012-08-31 02:22:53 PM
That can't be a real story. For one thing, it's too damn funny and for another thing, if this had indeed happenedd to Touchdown Jesus' replacement, it would be all over 700 WLW news today.
 
2012-08-31 02:23:36 PM
Jesus just left Chicago.
 
2012-08-31 02:23:36 PM
Jesus Christ, I'm having a Big Mac Attack.
 
2012-08-31 02:23:44 PM

Seasons I'v Withered: "One minute I'm typing an order into the computer, the next minute there is a thunderous noise, the building shakes, and the face of Jesus is pressed staring at me through my drive thru window. I'm going to have nightmares. If I ever sleep again."


Sounds like an atheist to me.

Scarrdy cat


Sounds like a McFundie to me.
 
2012-08-31 02:24:16 PM
The only thing better would have been a real butter Jesus melting against the glass.
 
2012-08-31 02:24:28 PM
media.giantbomb.com
 
2012-08-31 02:24:36 PM
Local authorities said that extracting the enormous statue will be a very difficult task. "This is too big to just get out the jaws of life," said city contractor Raymond Moore. "And it is too delicate to just try to ram it through with a bulldozer. We may have to break it into nuggets. However, I am certain if we left him alone Jesus will ascend from this predicament in a few days."


Raymond Moore, whomever you are, you are awesome!
 
2012-08-31 02:24:36 PM
Libs don't need Jesus. Why would they when they have Obama?
 
2012-08-31 02:24:50 PM
Jesus of Suburbia
 
2012-08-31 02:24:57 PM
This gives me a headache to read... and I believe in Jesus.
 
2012-08-31 02:25:05 PM

highendmighty: Seasons I'v Withered: "One minute I'm typing an order into the computer, the next minute there is a thunderous noise, the building shakes, and the face of Jesus is pressed staring at me through my drive thru window. I'm going to have nightmares. If I ever sleep again."


Sounds like an atheist to me.

Scarrdy cat

Sounds like a McFundie to me.


Oops - quoted wrong quote. Meant to quote the quote from the poster who quoted the driver's quote.
 
2012-08-31 02:25:08 PM
The driver of the truck had attempted to maneuver the vehicle through, despite turns that were obviously too tight and a warning sign indicating that he did not have enough clearance. "I know I should have just parked and gone inside," said driver Fred Holland. "But I truly thought I was going to make it. I don't know what it was. I think that I just had this feeling that, with him, all things are possible."

It's true! And He's particularly great at defying gravity! Got to the nearest cliff and see!
 
2012-08-31 02:25:26 PM

THE GREAT NAME: Libs don't need Jesus. Why would they when they have Obama?


We need wine, and Obama has yet to create wine out of water
 
2012-08-31 02:25:41 PM
Next time, order the Plastic Jesus.
 
2012-08-31 02:26:39 PM
"Follow me, and I will make you Filet-O-Fishers of men."
~McMatthew 4:19 
 
2012-08-31 02:26:48 PM
Jesus does Canned Hams?
 
2012-08-31 02:27:02 PM
Jesus: "God-damn-it! Are you deaf biatch?!? I told you I wanted mayo instead of special sauce on my Big Mac. I ain't moving until you get my order right. And get this - if you up-charge me 25 cents for mayo like you did last time, you go to hell. Kapish? Good! Now move your fat ass! I have a universe to save."
 
2012-08-31 02:27:03 PM
Was I mistaken in my understanding that satire is intended to be humorous?
 
2012-08-31 02:27:15 PM
Why have a "Satire" tag if you're never going to use it?
 
2012-08-31 02:28:12 PM
Jesus saves, heals, and will have fries with that.
 
2012-08-31 02:28:49 PM
 
2012-08-31 02:28:51 PM
Take this slice of pickle, for this is my body.
 
2012-08-31 02:29:36 PM
Drive Thru Jesus is watching you make a shake.

-amidoinitrite?
 
2012-08-31 02:29:47 PM

Dimensio: Was I mistaken in my understanding that satire is intended to be humorous?


Well, 'intended' is the key word. Sometimes intentions just aren't realized. \

\this is one of those times
 
2012-08-31 02:30:52 PM
At some point you'd think the church would take the hint from God and give up on this whole macro Jesus thing. Clearly God DOES NOT WANT.
 
2012-08-31 02:30:59 PM

ChipNASA: Could have been worse...

2008 Dodge Ram 2500 towing a 2008 Everest 5th wheel RV take out Texas State Bank Drive-In


Better link with after photos as well (the guy survived)
 
2012-08-31 02:31:23 PM
GIANT JESUS HAS COME FOR YOU

AND WHILE I'M HERE I'LL HAVE A MCRIB AND LARGE FRIES TO GO
 
2012-08-31 02:32:50 PM
This gets the "scary" tag?
 
2012-08-31 02:34:23 PM
"And it is too delicate to just try to ram it through with a bulldozer. We may have to break it into nuggets."

Mmmmm, Jesus nuggets!
 
2012-08-31 02:34:53 PM

vudukungfu: Next time, order the Plastic Jesus.


From the Pink and Pleasant Icon Company of Del Rio, TX?
 
2012-08-31 02:35:05 PM
Derf is a satire magazine, folks. Look at the other headlines.
 
2012-08-31 02:35:17 PM
That was the most awesome story I've read in a while. Way to end the week on a high note, Fark!
 
2012-08-31 02:35:33 PM

Latinwolf: This gets the "scary" tag?


Do YOU want to look out the window and see the Face of God peering in at you?
 
2012-08-31 02:35:44 PM

WTFDYW: That can't be a real story. For one thing, it's too damn funny and for another thing, if this had indeed happenedd to Touchdown Jesus' replacement, it would be all over 700 WLW news today.


Considering their sidebar on the right is "Facebook stock for sale at Big Lots" I'm pretty sure this article is missing the satire tag.
 
2012-08-31 02:36:02 PM

parahaps: Derf is a satire magazine, folks. Look at the other headlines.


Satire requires a kernel of reality in order to work.

And you know what? I could see that happening in reality.
 
2012-08-31 02:38:25 PM

parahaps: Derf is a satire magazine, folks. Look at the other headlines.


So basically never happened.

Drew! No beer for you!! Two weeks!!!!
 
2012-08-31 02:39:12 PM
Turn around, dashboard Jesus! Keep your eyes on the road!!
 
2012-08-31 02:39:18 PM
Oopsie?
 
2012-08-31 02:42:51 PM

hdhale: At some point you'd think the church would take the hint from God and give up on this whole macro Jesus thing. Clearly God DOES NOT WANT.


You mean like the huge jesus that stands on a mountaintop and has been there forever?
 
2012-08-31 02:43:46 PM

Marine1: parahaps: Derf is a satire magazine, folks. Look at the other headlines.

Satire requires a kernel of reality in order to work.

And you know what? I could see that happening in reality.


Satire or not, this is a fun thread. And if you don't agree, I might have to have Jesus smite you or something equally nasty.
 
2012-08-31 02:43:56 PM
**whispers** "5000 Filet-O-Fish sandwiches please. Tell the guys behind me that I only bought two and I'll pay you an extra fiver!"
 
2012-08-31 02:45:01 PM

russlar: THE GREAT NAME: Libs don't need Jesus. Why would they when they have Obama?

We need wine, and Obama has yet to create wine out of water


We certainly hopeed he would change water into wine.
 
2012-08-31 02:48:03 PM

Gyrfalcon: Latinwolf: This gets the "scary" tag?

Do YOU want to look out the window and see the Face of God peering in at you?


Depends on the god:

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-08-31 02:49:34 PM
Subby is bad and should feel bad.
 
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