Nothing new this week. To those that offered to help sort through older Fark headlines, thanks for the offers and I still need to do the database query to grab them all--will get with you soon.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-08-19 to Sat 2012-08-25:

  Playboy playmate Colleen Shannon likes positivity, supportiveness, and smuggling boyfriends across the Canadian border. Her dislikes include negativity, bad kissers, and being charged with bringing in and harboring aliens    

  Bull and cow get loose in North Las Vegas two weeks after the chimpanzees escaped and two years after the white tiger went over the wall. Subby declares Jumanji    

  Man thinks he's Wolverine; attacks childhood friend who is his current roommate who may still become his step-father    

  Skeletal remains found at LaGuardia airport. Still no sign of the poor bastard's baggage    

  Rogue penguins caught breaking out of zoo, again. Smile and wave boys, smile and wave    

  Florida swingers' orgy goes horribly wrong, which is the only way a Florida swingers' orgy can go    

  Man pays $11 million for a Ford. Must have bought the extended warranty    

  The United States: 0 Days Since Last Mass Casualty Shooting    

  'Poo powered motorcycle' finally unveiled. Makers quick to point out it runs on livestock waste, not human waste - also known as 'election cycle'    

  Confused mountain lion trapped by a revolving door at Harrah's Casino in Reno. I'll say he was confused, Harrah's Reno is a dump    

  Obama Hurricane Machine disrupts start of RNC convention    


Sports:

  Hi, I'm pitching coach Bob McClure. You might remember me from previous teams such as the Boston Red Sox    

  Germany attempts to play baseball. Nebraska promptly reminds Germany why America's two pastimes are baseball, and destroying Germany    

  Ken Shamrock beats up a woman. Coincidentally, It's the first fight he's won in years    


Geek:

  Now that Curiosity is doing donuts on Mars, NASA prepares to launch a pair of spacecraft to go study Earth's radiation belts, solar storms, and how the Fantastic Four were created    

  Ingredients for black holes detected in Milky Way's core. Mostly nougat    

  One thousand ants to be fitted with tiny radio receivers in an attempt to learn more about THEM and their behavior    


Entertainment:

  Bane's origins become even more mysterious as DC Comics introduces Nokia-phone-exclusive motion comic prequel to "Dark Knight Rises." World's last Nokia owner isn't calling anyone to tell    

  Avril Lavigne and Nickelback's Chad Kroeger set to form one bland, talentless Canadian family that will be inexplicably loved by millions    

  Hunger Games producers to fans "We've heard your suggestions for the role of Finnick, ignored them and all known Hollywood hotties. Instead we've cast some dude who we locked in for the cost of a #3 at Arbys"    


Politics:

  California law banning parents from "curing" their gay children could soon be signed by the governor. No word yet on whether the law also prevents smoking, brining, or pickling your gay children    

  Weather Underground predicts that a hurricane might strike during the Republican convention. But should we really trust a site run by Bill Ayers?    

  Akin says he won't pull out    


Business:

  JetBlue fined $90,000 for violating passengers' rights. Airline lawyers plan to appeal using the rarely cited "Passengers have rights?" defense    

  European airlines are struggling, except for Germany's, which is busy taking over those of neighboring countries. Dammit, not again    

  Samsunk    
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