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(NPR)   Turns out, the Midwest is contagious   (npr.org) divider line 74
    More: Scary, Heartland, Missouri, infectious diseases, diseases, platelets, bacterial infections, virus  
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16644 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Aug 2012 at 2:42 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-30 12:30:15 PM
Are the symptoms waving to everyody and making deep-dish casseroles?
 
2012-08-30 02:46:46 PM
I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize catch a virus in Missourah.
 
2012-08-30 02:47:18 PM
made me look!
 
2012-08-30 02:48:59 PM
 
2012-08-30 02:49:35 PM
Any clothing worn gradually morphs into jeans and flannel.
 
2012-08-30 02:49:40 PM

brap: Are the symptoms waving to everyody and making deep-dish casseroles?


Ok I laughed a bit... was considering doing a tatertot casserole for dinner haha.
 
2012-08-30 02:49:49 PM
*coughs all over thread*

*runs away cackling/hacking maniacally*
 
2012-08-30 02:49:58 PM

brap: Are the symptoms waving to everyody and making deep-dish casseroles?


nope. casual racism, drinking large amounts of cheap beer and an inability to drive
 
2012-08-30 02:51:02 PM

cubic_spleen: Any clothing worn gradually morphs into jeans and flannel.


i fail to see a problem with this. you try to make it through a Wisconsin winter without flannel. It's so soft and comfy
 
2012-08-30 02:51:35 PM
Minnesota would like to be considered a part of Canada for the purposes of this thread.
 
2012-08-30 02:51:57 PM
symptoms are driving a truck with one or more of the following:
truck balls
calvin pissing on something
number 7
gun rack
nascar sticker
terrorist hunting permit
don't renig in 12
jesus
 
2012-08-30 02:52:12 PM

cleveralthere: cubic_spleen: Any clothing worn gradually morphs into jeans and flannel.

i fail to see a problem with this. you try to make it through a Wisconsin winter without flannel. It's so soft and comfy


One word for you. Fleece.
 
2012-08-30 02:53:57 PM

cleveralthere: cubic_spleen: Any clothing worn gradually morphs into jeans and flannel.

i fail to see a problem with this. you try to make it through a Wisconsin winter without flannel. It's so soft and comfy


As a Michigander, I concur. This "virus" might actually be an evolutionary leap forward.
 
2012-08-30 02:55:18 PM

BLeap: cleveralthere: cubic_spleen: Any clothing worn gradually morphs into jeans and flannel.

i fail to see a problem with this. you try to make it through a Wisconsin winter without flannel. It's so soft and comfy

One word for you. Fleece.


But they dont make fleece pants. (and if they do I'm not going to wear them.)

conniescreation.com

Easily the best thing to wear as a warmth layer when skiing
 
2012-08-30 02:55:24 PM
You didn't build that.
 
2012-08-30 02:56:32 PM

the_colors: *coughs all over thread*

*runs away cackling/hacking maniacally*


*rubs thread all over myself*

*sneezes in everyone's face, also cackles*
 
2012-08-30 02:57:12 PM
We've been through this once already:

Repeat

I only care because I made a funny and that doesn't happen often.
 
2012-08-30 02:57:56 PM
The asian AIDS thing may be a little worse for humanity..
 
2012-08-30 02:58:01 PM
Gonna use the Farwell school of logic and say that God is punishing them for being farmers.
Two seeds in the same hole. Leviticus and all that.
 
2012-08-30 02:58:46 PM

brap: Are the symptoms waving to everyody and making deep-dish casseroles?


My history forces me to resemble that remark. I'd add excessive references to temperature and or weather.
 
2012-08-30 02:59:39 PM

slognard: Gonna use the Farwell school of logic and say that God is punishing them for being farmers.
Two seeds in the same hole. Leviticus and all that.


Go on....
 
2012-08-30 03:00:17 PM
Query: is it too soon to inject politics into a main page virus story after reading only 3 comments. I think not.

Dear Heartland redstates, your notion of voting for science-denying republicans who are out to defund the CDC, not to mention the FDA, has been ruled by nature to be not only stupid, but potentially fatal.
 
2012-08-30 03:00:19 PM
FTA: "Heartland virus appears to be a cousin of another new human virus called severe fever with thrombocytopenia syndrome virus, discovered last year in China"

worst virus name ever?
 
2012-08-30 03:01:41 PM
It is the first case of Chicken Aids, caught by farking all those poor chickens.
 
2012-08-30 03:02:55 PM

SN1987a goes boom: It is the first case of Chicken Aids, caught by farking all those poor chickens.


AIDS not Aids, although then I guess we could blame Jerad.
 
2012-08-30 03:04:56 PM
Ugh I've farked in Missouri.
 
2012-08-30 03:05:07 PM

Voiceofreason01: brap: Are the symptoms waving to everyody and making deep-dish casseroles?

nope. casual racism, drinking large amounts of cheap beer and an inability to drive


All this time I thought those were symptoms of severe and persistent inbreeding.
 
2012-08-30 03:06:19 PM

simon_bar_sinister: Voiceofreason01: brap: Are the symptoms waving to everyody and making deep-dish casseroles?

nope. casual racism, drinking large amounts of cheap beer and an inability to drive

All this time I thought those were symptoms of severe and persistent inbreeding.


They're also common symptoms of being a hipster.
 
2012-08-30 03:06:25 PM
Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
You will have pork chops and corn on the cob at the picnic on Sunday.
You will play horseshoes.
You will hear tornado sirens.
 
2012-08-30 03:06:57 PM
Missouri, where the men are men and the sheep are nervous.
 
2012-08-30 03:11:11 PM

Lachwen: simon_bar_sinister: Voiceofreason01: brap: Are the symptoms waving to everyody and making deep-dish casseroles?

nope. casual racism, drinking large amounts of cheap beer and an inability to drive

All this time I thought those were symptoms of severe and persistent inbreeding.

They're also common symptoms of being a hipster.


Hipsters can't hold their alcohol.
 
2012-08-30 03:12:40 PM
Um, excuse me, but my state, Il, is as midwestern as they come, and has been conceded to BO all along.
 
2012-08-30 03:13:03 PM
"Sick" tag take the day off, Subby?
 
2012-08-30 03:13:07 PM
As someone from "the Heartland" I've always hated that term. The Heartland is alternately used for pandering or marketing and sometimes pandering as a form of marketing.

I can only hope that the association with a tick virus reduces usage of the term so I no longer have to hear some twit politician tell me how I really get what's going on in America because it's cold where I live and they show commercials for soybeans on TV... not like those dickwads on the East Coast who don't even know how to bale hay.
 
2012-08-30 03:13:24 PM

learn2fly: Missouri, where the men are men and the sheeple are nervous.


FTFY
 
2012-08-30 03:14:39 PM
A new, weird, non-fatal (so far) disease discovered in my state. 

i646.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-30 03:16:43 PM
So I start wanting to ban abortions and force kids to pray in school?

I think I'd rather just kill myself thanks.
 
2012-08-30 03:16:44 PM

Rapmaster2000: they show commercials for soybeans on TV


DID YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARE OVER FIFTY QUADRILLION USES FOR THE COMMON SOYBEAN?!?!?!?!

/just doing what every farmer who has ever grown soybeans does when the word is mentioned
//from Kansas City
///goes to Mizzou
////does not know how to bale hay.
 
2012-08-30 03:19:58 PM
It's probably meth. That stuff is everywhere in Missouri.
 
2012-08-30 03:21:04 PM

Marine1: Rapmaster2000: they show commercials for soybeans on TV

DID YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARE OVER FIFTY QUADRILLION USES FOR THE COMMON SOYBEAN?!?!?!?!

/just doing what every farmer who has ever grown soybeans does when the word is mentioned
//from Kansas City
///goes to Mizzou
////does not know how to bale hay.


I went to Purdue. Farmer classmates would tell me "did you know that the most fertile soil in the world outside of the Nile is in (insert the particular area of Indiana/Illinois/Iowa that they are from)."

The most fertile soil is outside of Vincennes, unless it's in up by Kokomo, or near Des Moines, or outside of Peoria, but it's definitely nowhere near those farktards in Rockford.
 
2012-08-30 03:21:17 PM

signaljammer: Um, excuse me, but my state, Il, is as midwestern as they come, and has been conceded to BO all along.


www.overstockdrugstore.com 

There's an app for that.
 
2012-08-30 03:22:04 PM
I thought this was about how, if you go to various neighborhoods in/near various large cities on the East Coast, pretty much everyone there moved there for work shortly after graduating from college in the Midwest. (And all the townies keep getting displaced to the outer-outer ring suburbs.)
 
2012-08-30 03:23:05 PM

Guelph35: It's probably meth. That stuff is everywhere in Missouri.


No kidding. My friend was beaten to death by a guy high on it.

If there's one thing that still warrants being run out of town by a mob with torches and pitchforks, it's making meth, imo.
 
2012-08-30 03:23:19 PM
If you are familiair with toxoplasmosis, you know that parasites are way more mind-controlling than you think. There is a reason cat ladies are crazy and love / hoard cats.
 
2012-08-30 03:24:17 PM

Weigard: Lachwen: simon_bar_sinister: Voiceofreason01: brap: Are the symptoms waving to everyody and making deep-dish casseroles?

nope. casual racism, drinking large amounts of cheap beer and an inability to drive

All this time I thought those were symptoms of severe and persistent inbreeding.

They're also common symptoms of being a hipster.

Hipsters can't hold their alcohol.


Or make me a delicious casserole.
 
2012-08-30 03:37:15 PM
Come for the STL gang rape, stay for the heartland meth beatdown.
 
2012-08-30 03:38:34 PM

hammettman: Query: is it too soon to inject politics into a main page virus story after reading only 3 comments. I think not.

Dear Heartland redstates, your notion of voting for science-denying republicans who are out to defund the CDC, not to mention the FDA, has been ruled by nature to be not only stupid, but potentially fatal.


So what's Connecticut's excuse?
 
2012-08-30 03:42:51 PM

Shrinkwrap: Come for the STL gang rape shootings, stay for the heartland meth beatdown.


Seriously, there's a shooting just about everyday over here.
 
2012-08-30 03:43:47 PM

Rapmaster2000: Marine1: Rapmaster2000: they show commercials for soybeans on TV

DID YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARE OVER FIFTY QUADRILLION USES FOR THE COMMON SOYBEAN?!?!?!?!

/just doing what every farmer who has ever grown soybeans does when the word is mentioned
//from Kansas City
///goes to Mizzou
////does not know how to bale hay.

I went to Purdue. Farmer classmates would tell me "did you know that the most fertile soil in the world outside of the Nile is in (insert the particular area of Indiana/Illinois/Iowa that they are from)."

The most fertile soil is outside of Vincennes, unless it's in up by Kokomo, or near Des Moines, or outside of Peoria, but it's definitely nowhere near those farktards in Rockford.


That's one thing that seems to be endemic to the agricultural profession: the mentioning of inane facts to try and make the job you do sound thrilling.

I mean, I get why people who come from and are engaged in that lifestyle do it. A lot of people (especially from the coasts) see them as dirtfarming weirdos with no knowledge of the world outside of John Deere model numbers. It's hard freakin' work, too. You can bust your ass starting at 4:30 AM every day in spring and have nothing to show for it in the fall, like this year... most corn crops in Missouri are approaching total losses from the drought. Farmers do something very vital, and in the case of the Midwestern farmer, they do it better than just about anyone else on the planet. However, mentioning facts like how the land is more fertile in location x or how you can do y number of things with plant z doesn't really reach out to the rest of America. They need to start mentioning stuff that's actually sexy.

"We're going to feed a bunch of large cities and have enough left over to feed kids in Africa with this latest type of crop gene."

Shiat like that.
 
2012-08-30 03:45:37 PM

Marine1: They need to start mentioning stuff that's actually sexy.

"We're going to feed a bunch of large cities and have enough left over to feed kids in Africa with this latest type of crop gene."

Shiat like that.


There's a new breed of corn that's being developed to resist drought. How's that?
 
2012-08-30 03:51:14 PM

Voiceofreason01: nope. casual racism, drinking large amounts of cheap beer and an inability to drive


Looks like we can't get exclusive credit for generalization. Dammit. But we grow the food, so there's that. LET THEM EAT SMUGNESS!
 
2012-08-30 03:52:25 PM

MoronLessOff: Marine1: They need to start mentioning stuff that's actually sexy.

"We're going to feed a bunch of large cities and have enough left over to feed kids in Africa with this latest type of crop gene."

Shiat like that.

There's a new breed of corn that's being developed to resist drought. How's that?


They already have that in various incantations and besides, not sexy.

I like this: "last year we grew enough food in Boone County to feed to 500,000 people worldwide. That's enough food energy to help little Trang Nguyen finish his studies. One day, he's going to the first doctor from his village."

The kind of fuzzy, happy commercials about irrigation or science education that 3M or ExxonMobil run during golf tournaments. That's a lot better than "our soil is really fertile".

It's like how people in Atlanta will say "we have the tallest building East of the Mississippi that is not in New York or Chicago." You can't compete on those kind of specifics. You've got to be amorphous and fuzzy.
 
2012-08-30 03:54:47 PM

cleveralthere: But they dont make fleece pants. (and if they do I'm not going to wear them.)


I got a pair at REI that make me feel like reproducing all over town.
 
2012-08-30 03:59:45 PM
FTA: "...the men lived 60 miles apart and got infected independently."

Sure, they did. Just like Patients Zero and One back in 1980?
 
2012-08-30 04:00:19 PM

MoronLessOff: Marine1: They need to start mentioning stuff that's actually sexy.

"We're going to feed a bunch of large cities and have enough left over to feed kids in Africa with this latest type of crop gene."

Shiat like that.

There's a new breed of corn that's being developed to resist drought. How's that?


Eh, you're getting there. Still needs the kid in Africa.
 
2012-08-30 04:07:53 PM

FrancoFile: Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
You will have pork chops and corn on the cob at the picnic on Sunday.
You will play horseshoes.
You will hear tornado sirens.


Pssh. St. Louis stuff.

You forgot the "drink crappy beer" part.
 
2012-08-30 04:12:56 PM

Marine1: FrancoFile: Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
You will have pork chops and corn on the cob at the picnic on Sunday.
You will play horseshoes.
You will hear tornado sirens.

Pssh. St. Louis stuff.

You forgot the "drink crappy beer" part.


What's wrong with pork chops, corn on the cob and horseshoes? Put those together and you have a hell of an afternoon, if you ask me.
 
2012-08-30 04:16:10 PM

mama2tnt: FTA: "...the men lived 60 miles apart and got infected independently."

Sure, they did. Just like Patients Zero and One back in 1980?


Flyover Flu.
 
2012-08-30 04:17:38 PM

MoronLessOff: Marine1: FrancoFile: Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
You will have pork chops and corn on the cob at the picnic on Sunday.
You will play horseshoes.
You will hear tornado sirens.

Pssh. St. Louis stuff.

You forgot the "drink crappy beer" part.

What's wrong with pork chops, corn on the cob and horseshoes? Put those together and you have a hell of an afternoon, if you ask me.


Barbeque the pork and we'll talk.
 
2012-08-30 04:19:01 PM

Marine1: MoronLessOff: Marine1: FrancoFile: Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
You will have pork chops and corn on the cob at the picnic on Sunday.
You will play horseshoes.
You will hear tornado sirens.

Pssh. St. Louis stuff.

You forgot the "drink crappy beer" part.

What's wrong with pork chops, corn on the cob and horseshoes? Put those together and you have a hell of an afternoon, if you ask me.

Barbeque the pork and we'll talk.


I plan on doing some grilling tomorrow, but the good corn is at the end of the season. Tater salad OK with you?
 
2012-08-30 04:19:38 PM
meh, call me when it becomes airborne. Then I'll worry.

A novel virus that requires aggressive treatment to be survivable would quickly get out of hand. FTFA: "The men recovered but suffered serious illness that required hospital care and weeks of convalescence. Symptoms included fever, severe fatigue, headache and nausea. Their platelet counts plummeted, but even though platelets are necessary for blood clotting, the men didn't suffer abnormal bleeding."

We haven't had a need to triage patients in a long time. A wide spread outbreak would mean that some poor bastard would have to decides who gets a hospital bed, and who gets sent home to die. I'm going to guess the suicide rates among those who have to make those kinds of decisions would be quite high in the years after the outbreak.

/sounds like fun to me!
 
2012-08-30 04:51:53 PM
Dammit subby, now I have that Regina Spector song stuck in my head.
 
2012-08-30 04:56:47 PM

hutchkc: symptoms are driving a truck with one or more of the following:
truck balls
calvin pissing on something
number 7
gun rack
nascar sticker
terrorist hunting permit
don't renig in 12
jesus


I made a Calvin pissing on the Jesus fish sticker.
 
2012-08-30 05:33:45 PM
And so it begins...

mwstaffo.com
 
2012-08-30 05:39:03 PM

Marine1: MoronLessOff: Marine1: FrancoFile: Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
You will have pork chops and corn on the cob at the picnic on Sunday.
You will play horseshoes.
You will hear tornado sirens.

Pssh. St. Louis stuff.

You forgot the "drink crappy beer" part.

What's wrong with pork chops, corn on the cob and horseshoes? Put those together and you have a hell of an afternoon, if you ask me.

Barbeque the pork and we'll talk.


Start it off with some toasted ravioli, change the chops to pork steaks and brats, and change the horseshoes into a water balloon fight and we'll talk.
 
2012-08-30 05:42:34 PM
There's an app for that:

Yeah, but if one is gonna visit a neighboring state, it's unlikely than anyone will notice.
 
2012-08-30 05:51:49 PM

This text is now purple: hammettman: Query: is it too soon to inject politics into a main page virus story after reading only 3 comments. I think not.

Dear Heartland redstates, your notion of voting for science-denying republicans who are out to defund the CDC, not to mention the FDA, has been ruled by nature to be not only stupid, but potentially fatal.

So what's Connecticut's excuse?


Being a blue state that wants to be red?

Being rich and poor in the same 10 foot radius?

How about just being plain stupid?

/cannot wait to leave.
 
2012-08-30 05:57:29 PM
There's fun to be had in the Midwest, ya gotta scout it out, though. Sorry I missed the steam show for Willow.

I'm leaving to camp at USDA Manistee-Luddington MI this weekend. Nice place, as is Pictured Rocks NL(UPMi), Shawnee NF(SI), and the Palisades(IL WI IA). Some like Door County WI, but it's a little yuppie for my tastes. Ozarks are superb in Spring.
 
2012-08-30 06:36:49 PM
Nasty bloated ticks which require powerful drugs found in the same state as Rush Limbaugh: coincidence?

I'm just asking questions!
 
2012-08-30 07:32:20 PM

themanuf: FTA: "Heartland virus appears to be a cousin of another new human virus called severe fever with thrombocytopenia syndrome virus, discovered last year in China"

worst virus name ever?


SFTSV? Still a bit of a mouthful.

However, back in the day, as names for virus go, GRID was pretty controversial.
 
Biv
2012-08-30 08:10:24 PM

MoronLessOff: Marine1: MoronLessOff: Marine1: FrancoFile: Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
You will have pork chops and corn on the cob at the picnic on Sunday.
You will play horseshoes.
You will hear tornado sirens.

Pssh. St. Louis stuff.

You forgot the "drink crappy beer" part.

What's wrong with pork chops, corn on the cob and horseshoes? Put those together and you have a hell of an afternoon, if you ask me.

Barbeque the pork and we'll talk.

I plan on doing some grilling tomorrow, but the good corn is at the end of the season. Tater salad OK with you?


i103.photobucket.com

/approves
 
2012-08-30 10:44:48 PM

brap: Are the symptoms waving to everyody and making deep-dish casseroles?


We also say "howdy" and "ya'll", jerkass.
 
2012-08-31 02:13:25 AM
i1182.photobucket.comEVERYBODY PANIC!!! O_Oi1182.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-31 09:54:11 AM
That's why it's flyover country; if you actually go there IT WILL KILL YOU.
 
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