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(Greenville Online)   Police accuse man of driving through closed road. Despite having tires covered in fresh paint, man tells them to prove it   (greenvilleonline.com ) divider line
    More: Dumbass  
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6228 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Nov 2003 at 5:18 PM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



34 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2003-11-21 01:23:15 PM  
"Can you explain the white paint on your tires?"

"I ran over a mime"

"You may go"
 
2003-11-21 02:08:03 PM  
That was show-your-teeth funny, Chewie.
 
2003-11-21 02:36:06 PM  
Man, everyone's always hatin' on the mimes...
 
2003-11-21 03:41:26 PM  
"Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?"
 
2003-11-21 05:26:31 PM  
Haha, old farker driving thru paint was caught red-handed !
 
2003-11-21 05:27:52 PM  
They should have never closed the road to the farmers market...
 
2003-11-21 05:29:59 PM  
The driver may be smarter than he appears. Pigs don't have the mental capacity to prove a damn thing, even with a trail of paint staring them in the face.
 
2003-11-21 05:31:56 PM  
Greenville Police say a man drove through a closed road late Thursday night and then demanded an officer to prove it, even as freshly paint covered his tires.

Great job Greenville news. This is why the weekly junk packet of "sample stories" you send me goes directly into the trash. Stop sending me junk dammit!
 
2003-11-21 05:33:09 PM  
I dig this dude's style
 
2003-11-21 05:34:20 PM  
Give the old dude a break. He really meant to drive through the Farmer's Market.
 
2003-11-21 05:34:58 PM  
What do you call a barn full of mimes?

Antique comedy equipment.
 
udo
2003-11-21 05:40:57 PM  
«said workers had closed Pendleton Street and Augusta Road to paint the dividing line on the roadway.
»

Why didn't they ticket him for crossing the middle line?
 
2003-11-21 05:42:01 PM  
I have nothing to say that would even approach Chewie. Might as well close comments right there.
 
2003-11-21 05:42:22 PM  
Hmmm... Look for signs of pudding or hot sauce!
 
2003-11-21 05:44:44 PM  
he got a ticket to ride the white line highway....he should tell his friends "don't go my way"
 
2003-11-21 05:46:28 PM  
Grammar police.. PLEASE TELL ME YOU NOTICED THE TRAVESTY THAT OCCURRED ON THIS PAGE!?!?!


Here's a hint.... ...freshly paint covered his tires...


I hope that's not too obvious to everyone...
 
2003-11-21 05:47:39 PM  
I see that I have failed to notice that someone, has in fact, caught the typo...


...Stands corrected.
 
2003-11-21 05:47:55 PM  
"Can you explain the white paint on your tires?"

"I ran over a Michael Jackson"

"You may go"


/head down in shame
 
2003-11-21 05:51:34 PM  
"Hey, I just had these yellow wall tires put on this morning"
 
2003-11-21 05:52:49 PM  
2003-11-21 05:47:55 PM splishsplashfark

"Can you explain the white paint on your tires?"

"I ran over a Michael Jackson"

"You may go"


/head down in shame


It wasn't till I noticed that last statement, that I got the funny... '/head down in shame'... Just like all of those poor 12 years old boys. I mean, uh, nothing has been proven yet? Guys??
 
2003-11-21 05:57:18 PM  
OK, you're up against a wall. The police have you cornered. You just stole $5000 from a bank.
Police: Okay, thief, come with us.
Proof Artist: Why should I?
Police: Because you just robbed a bank!
Proof Artist: PROVE IT! (momentary silence) I SAID PROVE IT!
Police: $5000 is missing, and it's in your hand.
Proof Artist: How do you know it's the same $5000?
Police: We don't have to know! We're the police!
Proof Artist: PROVE IT! (More silence. The police show their badges.) FAKE!
Police: Well, I guess we'll have to let you go then. Bye!


Avoid Making Statements
A person can be considered to be winning an argument if he or she is asking a question or making a command. For example:
Proof Artist: Is Paul there?
Victim: I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.
Proof Artist: Prove it.
Victim: Why should I?
Proof Artist: What does that mean?
Victim: Nothing.
Proof Artist: Prove it.

Ability to recover from a question is essential. Don't be tricked into stating a fact!

Proof Artist: Nice weather.
Novice: Prove it.
Proof Artist: Pardon?
Novice: I said 'prove it'.
Proof Artist: Prove that.
Novice: Are you going to make me?
Proof Artist: How would I know?

Masters can keep at this for hours, speaking only with questions and commands and withotu actually saying a thing.The Fake System (tm)

Naturally, on occasion a victim will actually have proof of one of his or her statements. Skilled Proof Artists deal with this through the use of the patented Fake System (tm).
Proof Artist: Prove your age.
Victim: I do have proof! My birth certificate! (displays certificate)
Proof Artist: FAKE!
Victim: Damn.


Winning
Demanding proof isn't the same as arguing. A Proof Artist does not attempt to convince his opponent of anything, just to make him feel dumb. For example:
Victim: Hi there, nice to see you.
Proof Artist: Prove it.
Victim: Hmm... Well, I'm smiling.
Proof Artist: FAKE!
Victim: Okay, fine, it's not nice to see you. You win.
Proof Artist: Prove it.

An individual can be considered a master Proof Artist only when he or she loses the ability to make statements, and no one is willing to speak with him or her.
 
2003-11-21 06:03:08 PM  
Freshly Paint. It's the Paint.
/waits for a marketing firm to pay a million dollars.
 
2003-11-21 06:10:09 PM  
babelphish: Eh? Can you repeat that?
 
2003-11-21 06:34:28 PM  
Oh come on hit him with a paint theft charge that'd be the icing on the cake.
 
2003-11-21 06:42:35 PM  
a 62-year-old man

Come back in a week, the farmers market isn't ready. The paint hasn't even dried.
 
2003-11-21 06:49:25 PM  
Deer resident spelling Nazis. They're our a lot of thinks better to do width you're thyme then two overanalyze mistakes maid on comments on a web sight. But I hope it Bowie's you're spirits. Anyhow, I ran this threw the spell-check too make sure it was OK. That's my queue. Godspeed.
 
2003-11-21 06:53:23 PM  
even as freshly paint covered his tires. Not only is the freshly wrong, so is the modifier. How about despite the fact that his tyres were marked with fresh paint.

/I did the "tyres" thing to sound teh eur0c00l
 
2003-11-21 07:20:35 PM  
Execute him, do the paperwork later...
 
2003-11-21 07:40:52 PM  
ChewbaccaJones

"Can you explain the white paint on your tires?"

"I ran over a mime"

"You may go"


Funniest thing I've seen posted today. /water on keyboard.
 
2003-11-21 07:41:23 PM  
microbob: Prove that he said it in the first place.
 
2003-11-21 08:12:03 PM  
master proof artists
i have had nearly the exact same conversations with a student of mine.
me: "you were cheating."
kid: "prove it."
me: "there's a crib sheet in your hand."
kid: "prove it."
kid proceeds to swallow crib sheet.
 
2003-11-21 08:49:17 PM  
Farkers are not going to age well. Eventualy, you'll age--this is one karma bunny you can not escape. Well, unless you opt out.
 
2003-11-21 11:21:58 PM  
i heard about a guy who left something white on a dress somewhere and denied it until genetic testing proved that it was his chin dribble, alright. only he wasn't headed for the farmer's market, he was headed for a livestock show.
 
2003-11-22 10:41:04 AM  
Ah,the Simpsons defense: Even when caught in the act,deny everything with an "I didn't do it".
 
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