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(Washington Post)   The ten oddest items in the GOP platform   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 234
    More: Strange, GOP, structural deficit, GOP platform, step up, electoral colleges, affirmative actions, gold standard, Sixteenth Amendment  
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25245 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Aug 2012 at 1:42 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-29 11:00:16 AM  
FTFA: "Our dependence on foreign imports of fertilizer could threaten our food supply, and we support the development of domestic production of fertilizer."

Translation: We support American-made Bullshiat
 
2012-08-29 11:06:34 AM  
Look... Just because you're too intellectually crippled by religion to learn anything in a real university, it does NOT mean that the university has any sort of "Liberal" bias. Our universities are simply biased against intellectual under-achievers.
 
2012-08-29 11:09:57 AM  
FTFA: "intellectual intolerance favoring the Left"

Should this be called the Anti-Strawman Plank or just one of the Suppress-Reality Planks?
 
2012-08-29 11:24:06 AM  
No minimum wage for the Mariana Islands.

HOnest American sweatshops. For freedom.
 
2012-08-29 11:31:07 AM  
Love how they justify the gold standard by referring to inflation during the Carter-Reagan years, but fail to mention that its at record lows under Obama.
 
2012-08-29 11:36:45 AM  

Vodka Zombie: Look... Just because you're too intellectually crippled by religion to learn anything in a real university, it does NOT mean that the university has any sort of "Liberal" bias. Our universities are simply biased against intellectual under-achievers.


They actually want government control over university academics. How very Stalinist of them.
 
2012-08-29 11:47:16 AM  
1. The entire platform.

Seriously though, the entire thing is retarded. We're just mocking specific degrees of retarded.

Bladel: Love how they justify the gold standard by referring to inflation during the Carter-Reagan years, but fail to mention that its at record lows under Obama.


Well then they couldn't use it as a point if they spoke the truth, could they? Contradictory evidence must be suppressed.
 
2012-08-29 11:52:23 AM  
Anybody else creeped out by the photo of Mr. and Mrs. Droid and their awkward-ass kiss in the corner?
 
2012-08-29 11:58:48 AM  

The My Little Pony Killer: Anybody else creeped out by the photo of Mr. and Mrs. Droid and their awkward-ass kiss in the corner?


Are you sure that's really him? Looks like she's kissing a manikin.
 
2012-08-29 12:07:50 PM  

MrBallou: The My Little Pony Killer: Anybody else creeped out by the photo of Mr. and Mrs. Droid and their awkward-ass kiss in the corner?

Are you sure that's really him? Looks like she's kissing a manikin.


Actually, it looks more like she's trying to escape from his Romantic Gesture #3458.
 
2012-08-29 12:28:30 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: Actually, it looks more like she's trying to escape from his Romantic Gesture #3458.


It actually looks like the opposite to me. She seems like she's genuinely trying to kiss him and he's managed to successfully locate and execute the Human Kiss subroutine that he learned by watching Harry kiss Ginny in Deathly Hallows Pt. 2.
 
2012-08-29 12:54:37 PM  

exick: The My Little Pony Killer: Actually, it looks more like she's trying to escape from his Romantic Gesture #3458.

It actually looks like the opposite to me. She seems like she's genuinely trying to kiss him and he's managed to successfully locate and execute the Human Kiss subroutine that he learned by watching Harry kiss Ginny in Deathly Hallows Pt. 2.


Either way, there's something about that death grip she's got on his shoulder that I find hilarious.
 
2012-08-29 12:56:29 PM  
When you're whole platform and world view is based on unsubstantiated beliefs and lies, education truly is biased against you.
 
2012-08-29 01:43:09 PM  

MrBallou: The My Little Pony Killer: Anybody else creeped out by the photo of Mr. and Mrs. Droid and their awkward-ass kiss in the corner?

Are you sure that's really him? Looks like she's kissing a manikin.


Have yo9u clicked through that thing yet?
fark.upi.com

Politics has turned into a sporting event. No matter how wrong my party is I'm sticking with them.
 
2012-08-29 01:43:15 PM  
Only 10?
 
2012-08-29 01:44:00 PM  

antidisestablishmentarianism: MrBallou: The My Little Pony Killer: Anybody else creeped out by the photo of Mr. and Mrs. Droid and their awkward-ass kiss in the corner?

Are you sure that's really him? Looks like she's kissing a manikin.

Have yo9u clicked through that thing yet?
[fark.upi.com image 301x301]

Politics has turned into a sporting event. No matter how wrong my party is I'm sticking with them.


I was honestly too put off by the image of the bots smooching, but I will definitely have to give the rest of that hot mess a gander.
 
2012-08-29 01:45:02 PM  
Police the universities for liberal bias.

Intelligence has a liberal bias.
 
2012-08-29 01:45:14 PM  
I didn't RTFA, but are items 9 and 10 "naked pictures of Bea Arthur" and "a football helmet filled with cottage cheese" by any chance?
 
2012-08-29 01:45:28 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: exick: The My Little Pony Killer: Actually, it looks more like she's trying to escape from his Romantic Gesture #3458.

It actually looks like the opposite to me. She seems like she's genuinely trying to kiss him and he's managed to successfully locate and execute the Human Kiss subroutine that he learned by watching Harry kiss Ginny in Deathly Hallows Pt. 2.

Either way, there's something about that death grip she's got on his shoulder that I find hilarious.


I'm glad I'm not the only one. There's something seriously defensive about that kiss. Like locked in mortal combat defensive. The stance, the grip, the way the lips are pushed out to avoid as much actual contact as possible.
 
2012-08-29 01:46:57 PM  
I was sort of on-board until that whole anti porn thing, they need to really really understand their base
 
2012-08-29 01:47:39 PM  

Mose: I didn't RTFA, but are items 9 and 10 "naked pictures of Bea Arthur" and "a football helmet filled with cottage cheese" by any chance?


Close enough. The Republicans really are a band of Lone Gunmen, aren't they?
 
2012-08-29 01:47:59 PM  

Koggie: FTFA: "Our dependence on foreign imports of fertilizer could threaten our food supply, and we support the development of domestic production of fertilizer."

Translation: We support American-made Bullshiat


Plenty of pig farms that probably have a lot of potential fertilizer for use, just there for the taking!
 
2012-08-29 01:48:07 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: Anybody else creeped out by the photo of Mr. and Mrs. Droid and their awkward-ass kiss in the corner?


I adblocked it as soon as I saw it. Talk about nauseous.
 
2012-08-29 01:48:15 PM  
2) Police the universities for liberal bias. "Ideological bias is deeply entrenched within the current university system. Whatever the solution in private institutions may be, in State institutions the trustees have a responsibility to the public to ensure that their enormous investment is not abused for political indoctrination. We call on State officials to ensure that our public colleges and universities be places of learning and the exchange of ideas, not zones of intellectual intolerance favoring the Left."

Now THAT'S funny!
 
2012-08-29 01:48:21 PM  

Koggie: FTFA: "Our dependence on foreign imports of fertilizer could threaten our food supply, and we support the development of domestic production of fertilizer."

Translation: We support American-made Bullshiat


I see what you did there.


Seriously though, the fertilizer thing is quite a serious issue.
.

We don't return nutrients to the land we just wash them down the river and into the ocean and ship in new nutrients from Morocco. The ability to do this will end this century, because, at current rates of use (rates are only going to increase in the future) all phosphate mines in the world will be tapped out this century. 

But the solution is recycling urine which is both *gasp* green and sustainable. What prankster republican snuck that one into their platform??
 
2012-08-29 01:49:50 PM  
Ah, I see they are protecting the Mariana sweatshops. Isn't that special?
 
2012-08-29 01:50:10 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer:
I was honestly too put off by the image of the bots smooching, but I will definitely have to give the rest of that hot mess a gander.


rudugastsideal.com
doesn't want anything to do with that hot mess.
 
2012-08-29 01:50:46 PM  

t3knomanser: Mose: I didn't RTFA, but are items 9 and 10 "naked pictures of Bea Arthur" and "a football helmet filled with cottage cheese" by any chance?

Close enough. The Republicans really are a band of Lone Gunmen, aren't they?


*Lone Rangers
 
2012-08-29 01:51:09 PM  
No. 10 is pretty nasty. What it really means is "allow slave labor conditions at sweatshops in the Mariana Islands where they make clothing that bears a Made In USA label."
 
2012-08-29 01:51:09 PM  

NutWrench: 2) Police the universities for liberal bias. "Ideological bias is deeply entrenched within the current university system. Whatever the solution in private institutions may be, in State institutions the trustees have a responsibility to the public to ensure that their enormous investment is not abused for political indoctrination. We call on State officials to ensure that our public colleges and universities be places of learning and the exchange of ideas, not zones of intellectual intolerance favoring the Left."

Now THAT'S funny!


No shiat. The right has some sort of PTSD with "liberal" professors. I would have liked to see a Monty Python-esque skit where gangs of bowtie wearing liberal academics beat up College Republicans. That would be best.
 
2012-08-29 01:52:16 PM  
3) Defend the Electoral College at all costs

Yeah that makes good sense. I'm glad politicians are spending their entire time in Florida and Ohio while ignoring California, New York and Illinois.
 
2012-08-29 01:52:46 PM  

antidisestablishmentarianism: MrBallou: The My Little Pony Killer: Anybody else creeped out by the photo of Mr. and Mrs. Droid and their awkward-ass kiss in the corner?

Are you sure that's really him? Looks like she's kissing a manikin.

Have yo9u clicked through that thing yet?
[fark.upi.com image 301x301]

Politics has turned into a sporting event. No matter how wrong my party is I'm sticking with them.


His wife must love that hat.
 
2012-08-29 01:52:55 PM  
Aren't #2 and #8 mutually exclusive?

2) Police the universities for liberal bias.
and
8) Innovation is all about freedom.

So, freedom, but not for liberals?

Although, if you read the rest of #8, it is not clear what they mean...
"Liberty alone fosters scientific inquiry, technological innovation, entrepreneurship, and information exchange. Liberty must remain the core energy behind America's environmental improvement."
What does that mean? "core energy behind America's environmental improvement".
 
2012-08-29 01:53:48 PM  

GAT_00: 1. The entire platform.

Seriously though, the entire thing is retarded. We're just mocking specific degrees of retarded.


Let's leave Liberty University out of this.
 
2012-08-29 01:53:56 PM  

antidisestablishmentarianism: MrBallou: The My Little Pony Killer: Anybody else creeped out by the photo of Mr. and Mrs. Droid and their awkward-ass kiss in the corner?

Are you sure that's really him? Looks like she's kissing a manikin.

Have yo9u clicked through that thing yet?
[fark.upi.com image 301x301]

Politics has turned into a sporting event. No matter how wrong my party is I'm sticking with them.


Dammit, dad, I'm missing Clone Wars for this!?!?!
 
2012-08-29 01:54:19 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: MrBallou: The My Little Pony Killer: Anybody else creeped out by the photo of Mr. and Mrs. Droid and their awkward-ass kiss in the corner?

Are you sure that's really him? Looks like she's kissing a manikin.

Actually, it looks more like she's trying to escape from his Romantic Gesture #3458.


Problem in the hydraulics, no doubt.
 
2012-08-29 01:54:33 PM  
Jesus Effing Christ, GOP: House Speaker John A. Boehner (Ohio) expressed skepticism that the lengthy recitation of the party's positions has much meaning or function. "Anybody read the party platform? I never met anybody," Boehner told reporters. He said the document should be no more than one page. "That way, Americans could actually read it."

If the FROGDAMMED SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE thinks the plank lacks "meaning or function," then YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

Oh, sorry, that was from a related article, btw: Link

As I've said before, the GOP isn't my father's GOP.

Whatever.

GAT_00: Seriously though, the entire thing is retarded. We're just mocking specific degrees of retarded.


Ehh...I'm all for fiscal conservatism and responsibility, but I haven't seen a SHRED of it from today's GOP. Oh, and state and individual rights are good...except, according to today's GOP, when it involves the bedroom.

*facepalm*
 
2012-08-29 01:54:33 PM  

adder1: The My Little Pony Killer:
I was honestly too put off by the image of the bots smooching, but I will definitely have to give the rest of that hot mess a gander.

[rudugastsideal.com image 320x299]
doesn't want anything to do with that hot mess.


You want to give them a gander? After what they've done to that poor chicken?!
 
2012-08-29 01:55:02 PM  
www.washingtonpost.com

Good to see they're reining in the out-of-control "stars on the flag" budget.
 
2012-08-29 01:55:16 PM  
"Liberal bias"? what is that?

Teaching facts based on the scientific method?

Encouraging students to be community minded instead of greedy assholes?
 
2012-08-29 01:55:51 PM  

JohnCarter: I was sort of on-board until that whole anti porn thing, they need to really really understand their base


They're not necessarily looking to BAN porn, but to more "rigorously" enforce existing laws regarding porn. I'm OK with that. Especially when it comes to kiddy porn. :-/
 
2012-08-29 01:56:27 PM  
minerals.usgs.gov

Unfortunately, this stuff is rich in toxic heavy metals, so some relaxation of EPA rules regarding the disposal of mining waste will be necessary to exploit this abundant domestic resource (and make money mining and processing it). It's a business proposal, basically: Relax the rules so Western phosphorous is competitive with imports.
 
2012-08-29 01:56:28 PM  

pippi longstocking: "Liberal bias"? what is that?

Teaching facts based on the scientific method?

Encouraging students to be community minded instead of greedy assholes?


You sound liberal.
 
2012-08-29 01:56:28 PM  

xanadian: JohnCarter: I was sort of on-board until that whole anti porn thing, they need to really really understand their base

They're not necessarily looking to BAN porn, but to more "rigorously" enforce existing laws regarding porn. I'm OK with that. Especially when it comes to kiddy porn. :-/


Lemme rephrase that. They're not OFFICIALLY looking to ban porn. Whether their "rigorous" enforcement has the effect of it is another matter.
 
2012-08-29 01:57:00 PM  
1) Repeal the Sixteenth Amendment! Maybe... "In any restructuring of federal taxation, to guard against hypertaxation of the American people, any value added tax or national sales tax must be tied to the simultaneous repeal of the Sixteenth Amendment, which established the federal income tax."

Not odd at all. Paying 0% on capital gains is better for the rich than the current rate.
 
2012-08-29 01:57:50 PM  

KarmicDisaster: What does that mean? "core energy behind America's environmental improvement".


images3.wikia.nocookie.net

Population: nine billion. All Borg.
 
2012-08-29 01:57:58 PM  
Also, I love how Puerto Rico (heavily conservative) gets to be a state, but not DC (heavily Democratic). Reminds me of a few years ago, when they were all set to give DC a real, actual vote in the House...but only if Utah (the reddest state in the country) got one too.

Because civil rights must be bipartisan. If I learned anything from the Constitution, it's that rights are only given when bof sidez get some goodies out of the deal.
 
2012-08-29 01:57:59 PM  
1) Repeal the 16th: this is a dumb idea. While there's plenty of room to improve how we collect and distribute taxes across the public, removing the income tax isn't an option.
2) Liberal bias in Universities: Education is about exploring conflicting ideas and learning how to make decisions, not out of tradition, but out of rational debate and discourse.
3) Keep Electoral College: Okay, that's not so bad, actually. I do think the way electoral votes are apportioned needs to be reconsidered, but I'm not fond of the popular vote.
4) End Foreign Fertilizer: I can definitely understand wanting to keep this "home-grown".
5) More Republicans in DC: Let the market of ideas decide. Grab those bootstraps and convince the electorate that you can fix things for them. Don't complain that other people are more successful than you.
6) Statehood for Some: Last I checked, PR wanted to stay a territory so that they can get the benefits without the costs. Is this really an issue worth discussing? I'm fairly certain that no one would be put out if PR really fought to get statehood.
7) Porno bad: Free speech is free speech, biatches.
8) Environmentalism bad, freedom good: You couch it in flowering language, but basically, you want to retain your right to benefit by externalizing costs as much as possible.
9) Gold Standard: Economic suicide and complete idiocy. You are dumb.
10) No Minimum Wage in Pacific territories: I can understand creating flexibility for disparate geographies to have more flexible minimum wage policies. But we all know what you really want: cheap labor.
 
2012-08-29 01:58:43 PM  

xanadian: JohnCarter: I was sort of on-board until that whole anti porn thing, they need to really really understand their base

They're not necessarily looking to BAN porn, but to more "rigorously" enforce existing laws regarding porn. I'm OK with that. Especially when it comes to kiddy porn. :-/


The implication being that somehow the current laws are not being sufficiently enforced? I'd be curious to know their reasoning behind that. Most likely, they have none, and this is just a bone thrown to the Christian Conservative Coalition.
 
2012-08-29 01:59:12 PM  

lennavan: 3) Defend the Electoral College at all costs

Yeah that makes good sense. I'm glad politicians are spending their entire time in Florida and Ohio while ignoring California, New York and Illinois.


All blue states.
 
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