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(MacRumors)   Apple Genius employees training manual has been leaked. Apparently these fine folks are not allowed to discuss suicide with the customer. Who knew?   (macrumors.com) divider line 68
    More: Interesting, training and development, Ritz-Carlton, luxury hotels  
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5103 clicks; posted to Geek » on 28 Aug 2012 at 4:54 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-28 02:38:19 PM  
Sorta like the arthur androids who would give recent graduates a 24 page guide and tell them that they were now experts in the field. Their nasty death made lots of people happy.
 
2012-08-28 02:43:07 PM  
If Subby's such a fan of suicide, why is he still around?
 
2012-08-28 03:28:06 PM  

bingethinker: If Subby's such a fan of suicide, why is he still around?


He's doing it wrong.
 
2012-08-28 03:36:21 PM  
Suicide by banging yourself on the head with an iPad repeatedly has been patented by Apple. So don't kill yourself that way....or they'll sue you afterwards.
 
2012-08-28 03:41:45 PM  
dtdstudios.com
 
2012-08-28 04:27:18 PM  
Would pancreatic cancer technically count as suicide? I mean, a part of yourself is still killing you.
 
2012-08-28 05:04:57 PM  
As someone who is not involved with the Apple Lifestyle (tm), let me say that "genius" is the stupidest, most dumbass'd term I've ever heard of. From the view of an oustider, it is insanely idiotic. Every time I see it used I still have to take an actual second or two and wonder wtf they're talking about. "Apple 'genius'? Like the top engineer or som- oh right".
 
2012-08-28 05:09:57 PM  

runujhkj: Would pancreatic cancer technically count as suicide? I mean, a part of yourself is still killing you.


Only if you eschew actual treatment and pray to the invisible sky wizard for help.

/he helps you
//with the sweet release of death
 
2012-08-28 05:10:24 PM  
When reading those pages, I was somehow reminded me of Elder Price and Elder Cunningham.
 
2012-08-28 05:10:58 PM  
I got fired from Apple awhile back for calling them a bunch of crazies here on Fark.


/True Story
 
2012-08-28 05:11:41 PM  
Hey, if you had to deal with Apple fanboys all day, you'd want to kill yourself too, fanboymitter
 
2012-08-28 05:18:50 PM  
I think a new game has appeared. Go to an Apple store and try to trick them into saying a banned word.

Extra points if you then tell on them to the manager.
 
2012-08-28 05:18:57 PM  

Klivian: Hey, if you had to deal with Apple fanboys all day, you'd want to kill yourself too, fanboymitter


Wait, now you can't even say "Apple" without being a fanboy?
 
2012-08-28 05:19:03 PM  

wild9: I got fired from Apple awhile back for calling them a bunch of crazies here on Fark.


/True Story


How did they know it was you? Did you Fark on your work computer or something?
 
2012-08-28 05:19:53 PM  

LasersHurt: Klivian: Hey, if you had to deal with Apple fanboys all day, you'd want to kill yourself too, fanboymitter

Wait, now you can't even say "Apple" without being a fanboy?


You can, but who do you think you'd be dealing with all day if you're working as a "Genius?"
 
2012-08-28 05:24:32 PM  

Klivian: LasersHurt: Klivian: Hey, if you had to deal with Apple fanboys all day, you'd want to kill yourself too, fanboymitter

Wait, now you can't even say "Apple" without being a fanboy?

You can, but who do you think you'd be dealing with all day if you're working as a "Genius?"


1.) any Apple customers, not just the fanboys
2.) more to the point, you called the submitter a fanboy, and I don't know why
 
2012-08-28 05:27:27 PM  

LasersHurt: Klivian: LasersHurt: Klivian: Hey, if you had to deal with Apple fanboys all day, you'd want to kill yourself too, fanboymitter

Wait, now you can't even say "Apple" without being a fanboy?

You can, but who do you think you'd be dealing with all day if you're working as a "Genius?"

1.) any Apple customers, not just the fanboys
2.) more to the point, you called the submitter a fanboy, and I don't know why


Because I was lacking in creativity to call subby something else. I am more annoyed with myself for the repetition than anything at the moment.
 
2012-08-28 05:27:31 PM  
Some "genius" opened up an iPhone on the training table in the main floor. About half a dozen people came over to gawk at the insides of the phone.

It was unremarkable.
 
2012-08-28 05:28:04 PM  

ongbok: wild9: I got fired from Apple awhile back for calling them a bunch of crazies here on Fark.


/True Story

How did they know it was you? Did you Fark on your work computer or something?


No, never had a chance to browse the net at work there. I had a picture of myself and location in my fark profile.
 
2012-08-28 05:28:38 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Some "genius" opened up an iPhone on the training table in the main floor. About half a dozen people came over to gawk at the insides of the phone.

It was unremarkable.


Afterwards, his "genius trainer" came over and reprimanded him for performing the battery swap in full view of customers.

/which was the point of my story
 
2012-08-28 05:29:07 PM  

Walker: Suicide by banging yourself on the head with an iPad repeatedly has been patented by Apple. So don't kill yourself that way....or they'll sue you afterwards.


Came here to ask about the chapter on Patents.
 
hej
2012-08-28 05:29:41 PM  

ongbok: wild9: I got fired from Apple awhile back for calling them a bunch of crazies here on Fark.


/True Story

How did they know it was you? Did you Fark on your work computer or something?


He used a thread screenshot as his graphic for a custom t-shirt.
 
2012-08-28 05:30:30 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: AverageAmericanGuy: Some "genius" opened up an iPhone on the training table in the main floor. About half a dozen people came over to gawk at the insides of the phone.

It was unremarkable.

Afterwards, his "genius trainer" came over and reprimanded him for performing the battery swap in full view of customers.

/which was the point of my story


Your facade is slipping there. The average american male would think it was FARKING MAGIC.
 
2012-08-28 05:32:41 PM  
Went through the hiring process of becoming a "genius" could not keep up the level of sycophantic devotion to a phone needed.
 
2012-08-28 05:33:08 PM  

wild9: ongbok: wild9: I got fired from Apple awhile back for calling them a bunch of crazies here on Fark.


/True Story

How did they know it was you? Did you Fark on your work computer or something?

No, never had a chance to browse the net at work there. I had a picture of myself and location in my fark profile.


So apple has people policing Fark just in case an employee gets out of line. Nice.
 
2012-08-28 05:34:31 PM  

tankjr: AverageAmericanGuy: AverageAmericanGuy: Some "genius" opened up an iPhone on the training table in the main floor. About half a dozen people came over to gawk at the insides of the phone.

It was unremarkable.

Afterwards, his "genius trainer" came over and reprimanded him for performing the battery swap in full view of customers.

/which was the point of my story

Your facade is slipping there. The average american male would think it was FARKING MAGIC.


I missed the unicorn farts and pixie dust when the iPhone seal was broken.
 
2012-08-28 05:36:06 PM  
if all i had was Windblows, yea, sucide would be a real option.

with apple, the thought would enter my mind, but then leave.

thank God (Linus Torvalds) for Linux.
 
2012-08-28 05:38:07 PM  

wild9: I got fired from Apple awhile back for calling them a bunch of crazies here on Fark.


/True Story



wow, that's impressive. these are the same apple managers who probably vote Repukelican and claim they love the First Amendment.

hey apple, go f*ck yourself. --Linux
 
2012-08-28 05:38:09 PM  
img402.imageshack.us

Turing: "Hello, is this the number for apple?"
Support: "Yes, this is Apple."
Turing: "Could you send me one with cyanide in it?"
Support: "Um..."
Turing: "The government is forcing me to take hormones and I want to end my life."
Support *click*
 
2012-08-28 05:40:10 PM  

ongbok: wild9: ongbok: wild9: I got fired from Apple awhile back for calling them a bunch of crazies here on Fark.


/True Story

How did they know it was you? Did you Fark on your work computer or something?

No, never had a chance to browse the net at work there. I had a picture of myself and location in my fark profile.

So apple has people policing Fark just in case an employee gets out of line. Nice.



well they are an American company. to do otherwise would just not be American.

you know, Freedom and all.

PS -- hey apple, go f*ck yourself.
 
2012-08-28 05:40:45 PM  

ongbok: wild9: ongbok: wild9: I got fired from Apple awhile back for calling them a bunch of crazies here on Fark.


/True Story

How did they know it was you? Did you Fark on your work computer or something?

No, never had a chance to browse the net at work there. I had a picture of myself and location in my fark profile.

So apple has people policing Fark just in case an employee gets out of line. Nice.


But don't dare call them a cult.
 
2012-08-28 05:43:14 PM  
Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple Sux Sux Sux. snicker (this should get their panties into a twist) Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple Sux Sux Sux. snicker (this should get their panties into a twist) Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple Sux Sux Sux. snicker (this should get their panties into a twist) Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple Sux Sux Sux. snicker (this should get their panties into a twist) Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple Sux Sux Sux. snicker (this should get their panties into a twist) Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple Sux Sux Sux. snicker (this should get their panties into a twist) Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple Sux Sux Sux. snicker (this should get their panties into a twist) Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple Sux Sux Sux. snicker (this should get their panties into a twist)

hey apple, welcome to Linux, biatches.
 
2012-08-28 05:44:46 PM  
From the Gizmodo Link:


On page 60, the following dialogue is presented as a realistic sample conversation between two Apple employees:

"Hi, fellow Genius. I overheard your conversation with your customer during the last interaction and I have some feedback if you have a moment. Is this a good time?"
"Yes, this is a good time."
"You did a great job resolving the customer's iPhone issue. I was concerned with how quickly you spoke to the customer. It seemed like you were rushing through the interaction, and the customer had additional questions."

A few minutes later:

"Thanks for listening to the feedback. In the future, please make sure to signal me if you need help rather than work too quickly with a customer.
"Thanks for giving it!"


My, God, I would cut my own farking throat on the floor in view of everybody if some numbnuts came up and tried this shiat. I'll have to ask my buddy here at work(He has a second job at the Apple Store) about "Fearless Feedback".
 
2012-08-28 05:46:25 PM  
in all fairness, they do make great hardware and software. (cheap communist chinese labor helps keeps those profits up)

but they are too much of a closed system for me. to controlling. in some ways, they are more anal retentive than Monopoly$oft.

sure, you pay more, but they give you more than Monopoly$oft. if someone asked me if they should buy windblows or apple (excluding Linux) i'd tell them apple.
 
2012-08-28 05:49:10 PM  

Linux_Yes: if all i had was Windblows, yea, sucide would be a real option.

with apple, the thought would enter my mind, but then leave.

thank God (Linus Torvalds) for Linux.


That's cool. I enjoy sex. You know, with actual GIRLS.
 
2012-08-28 05:52:19 PM  
remember all of our words here at apple must be doupleplus good
 
2012-08-28 05:58:06 PM  

Linux_Yes: wild9: I got fired from Apple awhile back for calling them a bunch of crazies here on Fark.


/True Story


wow, that's impressive. these are the same apple managers who probably vote Repukelican and claim they love the First Amendment.

hey apple, go f*ck yourself. --Linux


Hey Linux, we're suing you next. --Apple
 
2012-08-28 06:02:39 PM  

tankjr: Linux_Yes: if all i had was Windblows, yea, sucide would be a real option.

with apple, the thought would enter my mind, but then leave.

thank God (Linus Torvalds) for Linux.

That's cool. I enjoy sex. You know, with actual GIRLS.


Oooh oooh he caught one.
 
2012-08-28 06:05:02 PM  
www.lifeclever.com

Bro, suicide is not cool. That's something the "squares" and "establishment" do. Not an outside the box thinker who enjoys chillaxing with a grande latte while listening to the new Theivery Corp album.
 
2012-08-28 06:24:12 PM  

wild9: I got fired from Apple awhile back for calling them a bunch of crazies here on Fark.

/True Story


Interesting. I don't biatch about my employer anywhere on the 'tubes for just that reason. Co-workers, maybe, but not my employer.
 
2012-08-28 06:33:32 PM  

SacriliciousBeerSwiller: tankjr: Linux_Yes: if all i had was Windblows, yea, sucide would be a real option.

with apple, the thought would enter my mind, but then leave.

thank God (Linus Torvalds) for Linux.

That's cool. I enjoy sex. You know, with actual GIRLS.

Oooh oooh he caught one.


Or did I? TROLLCEPTION
 
2012-08-28 06:35:47 PM  
Come to one of the BSDs, we'll help you with suicide.
Check out our license and you'll see that our way is to help everyone.

If you go to Linux for suicide, you'll have limited suicidal options (no plastic sporks allowed, for example) and you'll have to kill the rest of your family as well, thanks to the GPL.
 
2012-08-28 06:38:28 PM  

Porous Horace: Come to one of the BSDs, we'll help you with suicide.
Check out our license and you'll see that our way is to help everyone.

If you go to Linux for suicide, you'll have limited suicidal options (no plastic sporks allowed, for example) and you'll have to kill the rest of your family as well, thanks to the GPL.


sudo -k
 
2012-08-28 06:39:13 PM  
Every time I go into Best Buy, I feel like killing myself.
 
2012-08-28 06:41:39 PM  
Swimming against the current, I can't fault them for that training manual. After 30+ years as a worker bee, I can tell you that people don't want to hear negatives, they do want their feelings validated, and you are in business to make money. I'm sure corporate fully understands that the workers aren't going to follow the manual exactly and follow those scripts to the letter, but they just want to give them a clue before they walk out on the floor.

A lot of the stuff in that document is obvious to people who have been out in the real world for a long time, but non-obvious to the young workforce they employ in the retail stores. You're not born knowing that stuff.
 
2012-08-28 06:51:07 PM  

Ed Finnerty: Linux_Yes: wild9: I got fired from Apple awhile back for calling them a bunch of crazies here on Fark.


/True Story


wow, that's impressive. these are the same apple managers who probably vote Repukelican and claim they love the First Amendment.

hey apple, go f*ck yourself. --Linux

Hey Linux, we're suing you next. --Apple



it'll be a bit difficult to sue something that has no single entity/owner. unless Apple wants to sue a community of millions around the world. they're the ones who own linux. not some damn company

lotsa luck, apple. give us a kiss!
 
2012-08-28 06:57:50 PM  

Ed Finnerty: [dtdstudios.com image 174x279]


Ed Finnerty: Porous Horace: Come to one of the BSDs, we'll help you with suicide.
Check out our license and you'll see that our way is to help everyone.

If you go to Linux for suicide, you'll have limited suicidal options (no plastic sporks allowed, for example) and you'll have to kill the rest of your family as well, thanks to the GPL.

sudo -k


Double Win.
 
2012-08-28 07:11:46 PM  

Linux_Yes: in all fairness, they do make great hardware and software. (cheap communist chinese labor helps keeps those profits up)

but they are too much of a closed system for me. to controlling. in some ways, they are more anal retentive than Monopoly$oft.

sure, you pay more, but they give you more than Monopoly$oft. if someone asked me if they should buy windblows or apple (excluding Linux) i'd tell them apple.



Okay, all you would-be trolls out there need to study Linus_Yes' post here, because THIS is how you troll with style and subtlety.

/this was a troll right?
//because if it wasn't, please kill yourself before you reproduce
 
2012-08-28 07:20:32 PM  

2words1finger: Okay, all you would-be trolls out there need to study Linus_Yes' post here, because THIS is how you troll with style and subtlety.

/this was a troll right?
//because if it wasn't, please kill yourself before you reproduce


community.us.playstation.com

He's just very passionate about his love for Linux. Sometimes a little too passionate, but he's a good guy all around.
 
2012-08-28 07:25:58 PM  

InmanRoshi: Bro, suicide is not cool. That's something the "squares" and "establishment" do. Not an outside the box thinker who enjoys chillaxing with a grande latte while listening to the new Theivery Corp album.


What, we're supposed to be hating on Thievery Corporation now?
Damn it.

Fark is a cruel mistress.
 
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