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(Buzzfeed)   The complete guide on how to insult people the Shakespearean way   (buzzfeed.com) divider line 63
    More: PSA, Shakespeare, TxBlackLabel, DaniMarie  
•       •       •

10040 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Aug 2012 at 12:11 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



63 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2012-08-26 09:12:09 AM  
A text version of the list for those who want to automate the process: Link
 
2012-08-26 09:25:02 AM  
Buzzfeed may be a bunch of pauncy, tardy-gaited minnows, but that isn't half bad.
 
2012-08-26 09:25:33 AM  
475th annual version of this old hat, I reckon.
 
2012-08-26 09:34:24 AM  
Thou gorbellied rump-fed skainsmate! ←Clever minus the effort!
 
2012-08-26 09:38:15 AM  

doglover: 475th annual version of this old hat, I reckon.


12th annual, at least.

Wayback
 
2012-08-26 09:45:00 AM  

EatenTheSun: doglover: 475th annual version of this old hat, I reckon.

12th annual, at least.

Wayback


Oh wow, Buzzfeed really is a bunch of pauncy, tardy-gaited minnows
 
2012-08-26 10:40:55 AM  
I bet they've got a swoltery quatch.
 
2012-08-26 12:13:12 PM  
I remember our English lit teacher passing out sheets of this in... 95? 96?
 
2012-08-26 12:15:08 PM  
Your mother was a hampster!
And your father smelt of elderberries!
 
2012-08-26 12:17:18 PM  
I preffer Cyrano de Bergerac, especially for my nose retorts:

"My nose is Gargantuan! You little Pig-snout, you tiny Monkey-Nostrils, you virtually invisible Pekinese-Puss, don't you realize that a nose like mine is both scepter and orb, a monument to me superiority? A great nose is the banner of a great man, a generous heart, a towering spirit, an expansive soul--such as I unmistakably am, and such as you dare not to dream of being, with your bilious weasel's eyes and no nose to keep them apart! With your face as lacking in all distinction--as lacking, I say, in interest, as lacking in pride, in imagination, in honesty, in lyricism--in a word, as lacking in nose as that other offensively bland expanse at the opposite end of your cringing spine--which I now remove from my sight by stringent application of my boot!"
 
2012-08-26 12:20:18 PM  
Phil and Lem put together a similar formula.

www.betterofftedinsults.com

"It's really quite simple. You take a person's most marked physical feature, compare it to genitalia (male, female or animal), and end with the suffix -bag, -wipe or -muncher. You can also add an optional reference to excretion from any of the glorious openings offered by the human body."
 
2012-08-26 12:20:56 PM  
Fark just flashbacked to my sophomore year of high school.
 
2012-08-26 12:22:43 PM  
Hey, since when was Fark full of high school students?
 
2012-08-26 12:26:48 PM  
Let us not forget the masterpiece from Titus Andronicus:
"Thou hast undone our mother!"
"Villain, I have done thy mother."

A true classic.
 
2012-08-26 12:26:59 PM  
zipmeme.com
 
2012-08-26 12:29:41 PM  
My brother would enjoy this, I think.

I've been threatening my wallet with "I'mma go get Shakespeare!" for a while now.
 
2012-08-26 12:30:24 PM  
Via: wilwheaton

Shouldn't this have the Wheaton tag instead of PSA?
 
2012-08-26 12:35:20 PM  
I have this shirt.
 
2012-08-26 12:36:31 PM  
images3.wikia.nocookie.net

/oblig
 
2012-08-26 12:39:21 PM  
I just bite my thumb at people.
 
2012-08-26 12:41:37 PM  
Looks like we've found a more wretched hive of Scum and Villainy, and non-profane profoundity?...

/where's that list of Star Wars insults, anyway?...
 
2012-08-26 12:41:47 PM  
Shakespeare understood the power of insult. Henry V responds to an insult from the French King:

And tell the pleasant prince this mock of his
Hath turn'd his balls to gun-stones; and his soul
Shall stand sore charged for the wasteful vengeance
That shall fly with them: for many a thousand widows
Shall this his mock mock out of their dear husbands;
Mock mothers from their sons, mock castles down;
And some are yet ungotten and unborn
That shall have cause to curse the Dauphin's scorn.

/best thing Shakespeare ever wrote.
 
2012-08-26 12:51:14 PM  
What mewling doghearted codpiece greenlit this?
 
2012-08-26 12:53:38 PM  
How about "Shut your big fat mouths!"
 
2012-08-26 12:57:14 PM  

Lor M. Ipsum: Buzzfeed may be a bunch of pauncy, tardy-gaited minnows, but that isn't half bad.


Poxie trollops; the lot of them.

/ forsooth
 
2012-08-26 01:01:25 PM  
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-08-26 01:04:06 PM  

belhade: I just bite my thumb at people.


Do you bite your thumb at me, sir?
 
2012-08-26 01:08:54 PM  

Smeggy Smurf: What mewling doghearted codpiece greenlit this?


Hang him, swaggering rascal!

/2 Henry IV (2.4.66)
 
2012-08-26 01:16:02 PM  

LonMead: belhade: I just bite my thumb at people.

Do you bite your thumb at me, sir?


I bite my thumb at subby.
 
2012-08-26 01:18:27 PM  
that's not how you insult somebody .. not at all ...
 
2012-08-26 01:18:49 PM  

thalassatx:


Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?
 
2012-08-26 01:20:26 PM  
d3gqasl9vmjfd8.cloudfront.net
 
2012-08-26 01:30:27 PM  
ladailymirror.files.wordpress.com

"Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you?"
 
2012-08-26 01:31:45 PM  

Kiler: Via: wilwheaton

Shouldn't this have the Wheaton tag instead of PSA?


Where do you see that? All I see is via Buzzfeed.
 
2012-08-26 01:34:53 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: Kiler: Via: wilwheaton

Shouldn't this have the Wheaton tag instead of PSA?

Where do you see that? All I see is via Buzzfeed.


They got it from Wheaton
 
2012-08-26 01:36:33 PM  
I think the first time i saw this was in 8th grade... in 1994... and I'm sure it was around for awhile even then...
 
2012-08-26 01:37:36 PM  
Henry IV, part 1:

GLENDOWER
I can call spirits from the vasty deep.

HOTSPUR
Why, so can I, or so can any man;
But will they come when you do call for them?

The Taming of the Shrew:

KATHERINA.
I' faith, sir, you shall never need to fear;
I wis it is not halfway to her heart;
But if it were, doubt not her care should be
To comb your noddle with a three-legg'd stool,
And paint your face, and use you like a fool.
 
2012-08-26 01:37:38 PM  
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Oh what fools these mortals be!
 
2012-08-26 01:46:17 PM  
 
2012-08-26 01:56:43 PM  

fredklein: "Come bite my thumb!
I hope you know the stakes
I'll put a slug between
your shoulder blades...."


Classic. The best of a very good bunch. I can't understand how they get such good production value out of what I'm guessing is teensy tiny revenue stream.
 
2012-08-26 02:04:31 PM  
They pass around these Mad-Libs at all the best Tupperware parties...

/That explains Buzzfeed
 
2012-08-26 02:25:31 PM  
I wrote a Shakespearean insult generator for the History Forum. On CompuServe. Welcome to the early 1990s, Buzzfeed.

/cue "ancient information is ever so thrilling" person
 
2012-08-26 02:42:07 PM  
Reminds me of Aloysius X. 'Guffy' McGovern from the 1951 film- "Angels In The Outfield".
 
2012-08-26 02:48:26 PM  

LonMead: belhade: I just bite my thumb at people.

Do you bite your thumb at me, sir?


Bite my shiny metal ass.
 
2012-08-26 03:12:29 PM  
This has already been automated a few dozen times. One, two, three results just from the front page of google.
 
2012-08-26 03:20:24 PM  
pretty sure i got that same exact list in the same exact font in a paper handout in 8th grade english. not that it still isnt funny...
 
2012-08-26 03:39:16 PM  
Wankers.
 
2012-08-26 03:40:45 PM  
You pimple.
 
2012-08-26 03:49:18 PM  
"I don't take kindly to insults"

"Funny, with a face like yours, I'd have thought you'd be used to it by now."
 
2012-08-26 03:53:14 PM  
subby, i would marry you, were you an ethiope.
 
2012-08-26 04:16:28 PM  
What's wrong with "piss off, you git"?
 
2012-08-26 04:16:30 PM  
img844.imageshack.us
 
2012-08-26 04:16:51 PM  
"Frailty, thy name is woman"

"Get thee to a nunnery"

...I'd love to hang out with The Shakes. There was also that CNN story about a weed pipe...
 
2012-08-26 04:32:50 PM  
Yeasty milk-livered maggot-pie
 
2012-08-26 04:55:42 PM  
Old list is old (at least 20 years). Also, it was Edward de Vere. "William Shakespeare" never wrote more than his name on some contracts.
 
2012-08-26 05:06:13 PM  
Therefore, you
clown, abandon,--which is in the vulgar leave,--the
society,--which in the boorish is company,--of this
female,--which in the common is woman; which
together is, abandon the society of this female, or,
clown, thou perishest; or, to thy better
understanding, diest; or, to wit I kill thee, make
thee away, translate thy life into death, thy
liberty into bondage: I will deal in poison with
thee, or in bastinado, or in steel; I will bandy
with thee in faction; I will o'errun thee with
policy; I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways:
therefore tremble and depart.

(As You Like It)
 
2012-08-26 09:03:17 PM  

jasonvatch: A text version of the list for those who want to automate the process: Link


I want to sample Samuel L Jackson reading each of those words and build an app around it.
 
2012-08-26 10:50:06 PM  
So weird, I was just thinking about this the other day.
 
2012-08-27 12:08:16 AM  
Twelfth Night:

SIR TOBY BELCH
Go, write it in a martial hand; be curst and brief;
it is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent and fun
of invention: taunt him with the licence of ink:
if thou thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be
amiss; and as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of
paper, although the sheet were big enough for the
bed of Ware in England, set 'em down: go, about it.
Let there be gall enough in thy ink, though thou
write with a goose-pen, no matter: about it.
 
2012-08-27 01:25:59 AM  

CygnusDarius: I preffer Cyrano de Bergerac, especially for my nose retorts:

"My nose is Gargantuan! You little Pig-snout, you tiny Monkey-Nostrils, you virtually invisible Pekinese-Puss, don't you realize that a nose like mine is both scepter and orb, a monument to me superiority? A great nose is the banner of a great man, a generous heart, a towering spirit, an expansive soul--such as I unmistakably am, and such as you dare not to dream of being, with your bilious weasel's eyes and no nose to keep them apart! With your face as lacking in all distinction--as lacking, I say, in interest, as lacking in pride, in imagination, in honesty, in lyricism--in a word, as lacking in nose as that other offensively bland expanse at the opposite end of your cringing spine--which I now remove from my sight by stringent application of my boot!"


This is actually the first time I read the english translation. Good, very good, but, as is usual of such things, the original is much better.

My favourite English insult:
"I put it to you, sir, that you are more than adequately versed in the sin of Onan, sir !"
-James May trying to provoke his producer into being impertinent with him so that he may challenge him to a duel.
 
2012-08-27 01:34:56 AM  
Came here for whoreson, beetle-headed, flap-ear'd knaves.

Leaving satisfied.
 
2012-08-27 04:26:49 AM  
[applauds]
 
2012-08-27 09:15:47 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: I remember our English lit teacher passing out sheets of this in... 95? 96?


I remember it from 84 or 85. We had a darn good time with that list.
 
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