I bet they've got a swoltery quatch.

Your mother was a hampster!
And your father smelt of elderberries!

I preffer Cyrano de Bergerac, especially for my nose retorts:

"My nose is Gargantuan! You little Pig-snout, you tiny Monkey-Nostrils, you virtually invisible Pekinese-Puss, don't you realize that a nose like mine is both scepter and orb, a monument to me superiority? A great nose is the banner of a great man, a generous heart, a towering spirit, an expansive soul--such as I unmistakably am, and such as you dare not to dream of being, with your bilious weasel's eyes and no nose to keep them apart! With your face as lacking in all distinction--as lacking, I say, in interest, as lacking in pride, in imagination, in honesty, in lyricism--in a word, as lacking in nose as that other offensively bland expanse at the opposite end of your cringing spine--which I now remove from my sight by stringent application of my boot!"

Phil and Lem put together a similar formula.



"It's really quite simple. You take a person's most marked physical feature, compare it to genitalia (male, female or animal), and end with the suffix -bag, -wipe or -muncher. You can also add an optional reference to excretion from any of the glorious openings offered by the human body."

Fark just flashbacked to my sophomore year of high school.

Hey, since when was Fark full of high school students?

Let us not forget the masterpiece from Titus Andronicus:
"Thou hast undone our mother!"
"Villain, I have done thy mother."

A true classic.

Via: wilwheaton

Shouldn't this have the Wheaton tag instead of PSA?

/oblig

I just bite my thumb at people.

Looks like we've found a more wretched hive of Scum and Villainy, and non-profane profoundity?...

/where's that list of Star Wars insults, anyway?...

Shakespeare understood the power of insult. Henry V responds to an insult from the French King:

And tell the pleasant prince this mock of his
Hath turn'd his balls to gun-stones; and his soul
Shall stand sore charged for the wasteful vengeance
That shall fly with them: for many a thousand widows
Shall this his mock mock out of their dear husbands;
Mock mothers from their sons, mock castles down;
And some are yet ungotten and unborn
That shall have cause to curse the Dauphin's scorn.

/best thing Shakespeare ever wrote.

Lor M. Ipsum: Buzzfeed may be a bunch of pauncy, tardy-gaited minnows, but that isn't half bad.

Poxie trollops; the lot of them.

/ forsooth

belhade: I just bite my thumb at people.

Do you bite your thumb at me, sir?

Smeggy Smurf: What mewling doghearted codpiece greenlit this?

Hang him, swaggering rascal!

/2 Henry IV (2.4.66)

LonMead: belhade: I just bite my thumb at people.

Do you bite your thumb at me, sir?

I bite my thumb at subby.

that's not how you insult somebody .. not at all ...

"Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you?"

Kiler: Via: wilwheaton

Shouldn't this have the Wheaton tag instead of PSA?

Where do you see that? All I see is via Buzzfeed.

I think the first time i saw this was in 8th grade... in 1994... and I'm sure it was around for awhile even then...

It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Oh what fools these mortals be!

They pass around these Mad-Libs at all the best Tupperware parties...

/That explains Buzzfeed

I wrote a Shakespearean insult generator for the History Forum. On CompuServe. Welcome to the early 1990s, Buzzfeed.

/cue "ancient information is ever so thrilling" person

Reminds me of Aloysius X. 'Guffy' McGovern from the 1951 film- "Angels In The Outfield".

LonMead: belhade: I just bite my thumb at people.

Do you bite your thumb at me, sir?

Bite my shiny metal ass.

This has already been automated a few dozen times. One, two, three results just from the front page of google.

pretty sure i got that same exact list in the same exact font in a paper handout in 8th grade english. not that it still isnt funny...

Wankers.

You pimple.

"I don't take kindly to insults"

"Funny, with a face like yours, I'd have thought you'd be used to it by now."

subby, i would marry you, were you an ethiope.