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(The Smoking Gun)   Woman busted for DUI after attending bachelorette party explains to cop: "This is what I get for being a bridesmaid"   (thesmokinggun.com) divider line 54
    More: Amusing, bridesmaids  
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10684 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Aug 2012 at 2:07 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-24 02:09:32 PM
That is one rough 27.
 
2012-08-24 02:12:27 PM
Give me a dime on the hard 27, stick man.
 
2012-08-24 02:12:39 PM

Tight_as_an_Owl: That is one rough 27.


Came here for this. For her sake, I hope she's lying.
 
2012-08-24 02:13:16 PM
No, you're a bridesmaid because no man will every find you attractive.
 
2012-08-24 02:21:00 PM
I had jury duty a few weeks ago and one potential juror didn't show up. When the clerk called her she said she couldn't come in because she was too hung over after a bachelorette party. It was a Monday morning. After it was explained that being hung over wasn't a valid excuse, she also claimed that she was pretty sure she was over the limit to drive. The bailiff told us he thought she'd sober up really fast when they served her with contempt

/CSB
 
2012-08-24 02:22:03 PM
Don't get in her way when the bride throws the bouquet.
 
2012-08-24 02:22:04 PM
I think she's cute.  Of course I'm completely schnockered but still.
 
2012-08-24 02:22:32 PM

Tight_as_an_Owl: That is one rough 27.


But she's practically guaranteed tol fulfill one of the cardinal requirements of being a bridesmaid: she will night outshine the bride.
 
2012-08-24 02:22:36 PM
This is what I get for being a bridesmaid drinking and driving!
 
2012-08-24 02:24:12 PM
If that's her at 27, she probably hasn't been carded since she was 14.
 
2012-08-24 02:25:34 PM

stonicus: This is what I get for being a bridesmaid drinking and driving!


Really.. Don't get why people drink and drive. Get a DD, get a cab, pool resources and hire a van, whatever it takes but don't drink drive. The risk of killing someone and spending the rest of my productive life in prison doesn't appeal to me.
 
2012-08-24 02:29:12 PM
Boohoo, always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

25.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-08-24 02:29:14 PM
That photo is actually better than the ones she has on facebook
 
2012-08-24 02:29:52 PM
Stop drinking at the happy buzz. Switch to gatorade & water. Have a meal. Five hours after your last drink, if you do these things, you should be good to go. Want to drink more than 'happy buzz'? Stay home.

How hard is this?
 
2012-08-24 02:31:22 PM

Tight_as_an_Owl: That is one rough 27.

 
2012-08-24 02:32:04 PM
i.cdn.turner.com

Dear Mark and Jessica

I regret to inform you that I won't be able to go as a bridesmaid for your wedding. Occurrences during and after the first bridesmaid meeting have changed my schedule for the foreseeable future.

While you are walking down the aisle, I shall be walking down the Interstate on garbage detail. It's part of my plea bargain with the wonderful people of Florida. For every bottle of urine that I find, I shall think of you Mark and the night you couldn't get it up with me because you drank too much. And for every beer bottle I find, Jess, I shall think of the time you did that thing with those six Marines. I got pix Jess!

Anyhoo, before I go, I would like to give you the minutes of our first bridesmaid meeting. So you can get a replacement for me and who ever else you seem needs to be replaced.

Bridesmaid Meeting
8/23/2012

Attending
Brenda
Babs
Julie
Fawn
Hyundai
Myself

2 PM Meeting called. Started with Margaritas.
Julie suggest we rent a Bridesmaid room at the hotel. Julie: "Sharing the Brides' suite would cause undo stress on the bride and she smells - especially her feet"

Babs seconded the smell issue

Fawn said the dress look 'hideous'. Seconded by Hyundai and thirded by Julie. Brenda suggested "shoving Jessie's fat ass in to one to show he how bad they are." again seconded and thirded by Hyundai and Julie.

Break for Martinis
Topless Tickle Fight
Called Room Service and teased the delivery guy with our hand bras. Put the tab on your account

Break over Meeting begins again
Brenda suggested a walk through with the Groomsmen the day before the wedding. Fawn mentions that Mark's friend ted would not be as drunk/hungover the day before the wedding and such a walkthrough would be a waste. Just get to the church 30 minutes before the ceremony and do a quickie. The mention of a 'quickie' caused the meeting to go in to a sidebar discussion of "Which Grooms groomed the Bride" Fawn said they all did you and was pretty adamant about the dates.

Break
Ordered TV porn - charged it to you. Gawd Brazzers is really getting weird - Fawn
Game - how long can you stand naked on the balcony before someone notices?

Missing Segment

Meeting Adorned (I guess)
Police pull me over.

'Kay and hope for the best. Gotta go and pee for the pee-olice!
 
2012-08-24 02:32:43 PM

stonicus: This is what I get for being a bridesmaid drinking and driving!


Zactly! Just another chick caught in the wrong who immediately thinks, "Who's fault is this?!?"
 
2012-08-24 02:32:55 PM
Drunk does something stupid, then says something stupid.
News at 11.
 
2012-08-24 02:35:35 PM

Rhypskallion: Stop drinking at the happy buzz. Switch to gatorade & water. Have a meal. Five hours after your last drink, if you do these things, you should be good to go. Want to drink more than 'happy buzz'? Stay home. Get a designated driver or call a cab.
How hard is this?


FTFY.
 
2012-08-24 02:37:13 PM

Bruxellensis: Tight_as_an_Owl: That is one rough 27.


I'm sure we all look our best when we're drunk and have just been arrested.
 
2012-08-24 02:39:55 PM

Harry Freakstorm: [i.cdn.turner.com image 200x250]

Dear Mark and... WORDS WORDS WORDS ...uch a walkthrough would be a waste. Just get to the church 30 minutes before the ceremony and do a quickie. The mention of a 'quickie' caused the meeting to go in to a sidebar discussion of "Which Grooms groomed the Bride" Fawn said they all did you and was pretty ...


Dafuq? Copypasta?
 
2012-08-24 02:42:16 PM

BarkingUnicorn: Bruxellensis: Tight_as_an_Owl: That is one rough 27.

I'm sure we all look our best when we're drunk and have just been arrested.


Yeah, when people get drunk they look 10 years older and when they get arrested you can add another 10.

That's a bad 27, she probably used to be orange .
 
2012-08-24 02:45:16 PM
Maybe she is one of those rare females who gets hotter with age.
 
2012-08-24 02:46:47 PM

xynix: stonicus: This is what I get for being a bridesmaid drinking and driving!

Really.. Don't get why people drink and drive. Get a DD, get a cab, pool resources and hire a van, whatever it takes but don't drink drive. The risk of killing someone and spending the rest of my productive life in prison doesn't appeal to me.


It's not as bad when it's the same route you've been driving for years, and the more experience you have both driving and drinking the easier it is. Acknowledging that you're drunk and need to pay a lot more attention to everything around you also helps. Also being too broke and too prideful to call anything...

Not excusing it, just explaining why I've done it in the past. I drove long-haul for many years before I even started drinking; if anything I was a much more dangerous driver my first few years than at my drunkest. I still end up driving sleepy now and then, same thing, and pulling off the highway to take a nap sucks. Wish truck stops had cots with hour rentals.

These days I just stop drinking an hour or more before we leave, helps a lot.
 
2012-08-24 02:47:37 PM
She's the type of girl that will freak out at her current b/f that she's gonna be the last girl in her circle of friends to get married, then wonders why she gets dumped shortly after that statement.
 
2012-08-24 02:48:59 PM
right, it's the wedding's fault.

i'd hit it either way
 
2012-08-24 02:51:25 PM
Always an inmate, never a bride. sigh....
 
2012-08-24 03:01:02 PM
You know, having once gone through them, those field sobriety tests aren't all that easy (I was wearing boots in snow, would hate to think about them in heels, but I did fine. Had only had one beer.)
 
2012-08-24 03:08:54 PM
i1.kym-cdn.com

County, that is.
 
2012-08-24 03:12:18 PM

BarkingUnicorn: Bruxellensis: Tight_as_an_Owl: That is one rough 27.

I'm sure we all look our best when we're drunk and have just been arrested.


Sure, you might look worse, but 20 years worse? I don't think so.
 
2012-08-24 03:15:36 PM

Harry Freakstorm:
Bridesmaid Meeting
8/23/2012


This doth cause me mirth and joy and even to laugh aloud, and for that, on this particularly tedious day in the midst of a painful and stressful time of my life, a life fraught with suffering and misery, I thank ye.
 
2012-08-24 03:16:11 PM
No one saw this story on the side bar?:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/cheerleader-coach-strip-game-6873 4 5

the possibility that "the incident was video taped."
 
2012-08-24 03:21:50 PM
In my experience 'they' force feed bridesmaids drinks so I may have a wee bit of sympathy.
 
2012-08-24 03:23:37 PM

Tight_as_an_Owl: That is one rough 27.


"if she tells you she's 26 and looks 26, she's damn near 40"
 
2012-08-24 03:26:40 PM

ladron: No one saw this story on the side bar?:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/cheerleader-coach-strip-game-6873 4 5

the possibility that "the incident was video taped."


Was on Fark either yesterday or Wednesday.
 
2012-08-24 03:29:31 PM
1500 bond for DUI daaamn. I think the last one I paid for a friend two years ago was $50. Some states suck. It's not like you are gonna run on a DUI charge.

Also DUI tests aren't easy sober. Do it sick with a cold in the dead of winter. Good fun.
 
2012-08-24 03:32:31 PM
Was on Fark either yesterday or Wednesday.

Aha. Thank you.
 
2012-08-24 03:47:35 PM
Great, now who is the bride supposed to stand next to so she can look young and pretty...
 
2012-08-24 03:53:36 PM

protectyourlimbs: Great, now who is the bride supposed to stand next to so she can look young and pretty...


Joan RIvers?
 
2012-08-24 04:01:15 PM

Tight_as_an_Owl: That is one rough 27.


This. No one looks good in a mughshot after a hard night drinking, but damn...
 
2012-08-24 04:05:34 PM

justanotherfarkinfarker: DUI tests aren't easy sober. Do it sick with a cold in the dead of winter. Good fun.


Wait... I thought trying to make you fall over was just to give them probable cause to breath or blood test you to get a bac. They can't charge you based on the coordination tests, can they?
 
2012-08-24 04:18:57 PM
i291.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-24 04:40:38 PM

Harry Freakstorm: [i.cdn.turner.com image 200x250]

Dear Mark and Jessica

I regret to inform you that I won't be able to go as a bridesmaid for your wedding. Occurrences during and after the first bridesmaid meeting have changed my schedule for the foreseeable future.

While you are walking down the aisle, I shall be walking down the Interstate on garbage detail. It's part of my plea bargain with the wonderful people of Florida. For every bottle of urine that I find, I shall think of you Mark and the night you couldn't get it up with me because you drank too much. And for every beer bottle I find, Jess, I shall think of the time you did that thing with those six Marines. I got pix Jess!

Anyhoo, before I go, I would like to give you the minutes of our first bridesmaid meeting. So you can get a replacement for me and who ever else you seem needs to be replaced.

Bridesmaid Meeting
8/23/2012

Attending
Brenda
Babs
Julie
Fawn
Hyundai
Myself

2 PM Meeting called. Started with Margaritas.
Julie suggest we rent a Bridesmaid room at the hotel. Julie: "Sharing the Brides' suite would cause undo stress on the bride and she smells - especially her feet"

Babs seconded the smell issue

Fawn said the dress look 'hideous'. Seconded by Hyundai and thirded by Julie. Brenda suggested "shoving Jessie's fat ass in to one to show he how bad they are." again seconded and thirded by Hyundai and Julie.

Break for Martinis
Topless Tickle Fight
Called Room Service and teased the delivery guy with our hand bras. Put the tab on your account

Break over Meeting begins again
Brenda suggested a walk through with the Groomsmen the day before the wedding. Fawn mentions that Mark's friend ted would not be as drunk/hungover the day before the wedding and such a walkthrough would be a waste. Just get to the church 30 minutes before the ceremony and do a quickie. The mention of a 'quickie' caused the meeting to go in to a sidebar discussion of "Which Grooms groomed the Bride" Fawn said they all did y ...


You are getting more awesome all the time. I may have to give you a color.

+1
 
2012-08-24 04:54:36 PM
Well, Darlin, if being a bridesmaid was the primary cause of your ordeal, how's come you were the only one who got popped? Were there no other bridesmaids/attendees?
 
2012-08-24 04:59:48 PM

foxyshadis: xynix: stonicus: This is what I get for being a bridesmaid drinking and driving!

Really.. Don't get why people drink and drive. Get a DD, get a cab, pool resources and hire a van, whatever it takes but don't drink drive. The risk of killing someone and spending the rest of my productive life in prison doesn't appeal to me.

It's not as bad when it's the same route you've been driving for years, and the more experience you have both driving and drinking the easier it is. Acknowledging that you're drunk and need to pay a lot more attention to everything around you also helps. Also being too broke and too prideful to call anything...

Not excusing it, just explaining why I've done it in the past. I drove long-haul for many years before I even started drinking; if anything I was a much more dangerous driver my first few years than at my drunkest. I still end up driving sleepy now and then, same thing, and pulling off the highway to take a nap sucks. Wish truck stops had cots with hour rentals.

These days I just stop drinking an hour or more before we leave, helps a lot.


It's the penalty that scares the shiat out of me. If I get into a wreck sober then whatever.. Get into a wreck over the limit and you're done. Career is most likely over, I'm going to spend a couple years in prison which after watching Lockup seems to be low on the fun meter. It's pretty easy for me.. Think about prison and if I want to go and the answer is no. I hate the US legal system but on DUIs and shiat I think they have it pretty well put together and it's a deterrent for me.
 
2012-08-24 05:05:02 PM

Captain Pissgums: Well, Darlin, if being a bridesmaid was the primary cause of your ordeal, how's come you were the only one who got popped? Were there no other bridesmaids/attendees?


There is more to this story. She is too bitter for mere bridesmaid sour grapes. Either she was recently dumped by the guy she thought was The One, or she dated the groom first, and he dumped her and then got together with the bride.

Or she is friends with the groom, but has secretly loved him For Evar. Maybe she set the bride and groom up, never thinking that it'd actually work between them.

Or all that, but with the bride...
 
2012-08-24 05:12:04 PM

namegoeshere: justanotherfarkinfarker: DUI tests aren't easy sober. Do it sick with a cold in the dead of winter. Good fun.

Wait... I thought trying to make you fall over was just to give them probable cause to breath or blood test you to get a bac. They can't charge you based on the coordination tests, can they?

 


Of course they can.
 
2012-08-24 05:16:20 PM

Happy Hours: namegoeshere: justanotherfarkinfarker: DUI tests aren't easy sober. Do it sick with a cold in the dead of winter. Good fun.

Wait... I thought trying to make you fall over was just to give them probable cause to breath or blood test you to get a bac. They can't charge you based on the coordination tests, can they? 


Of course they can.


You can also fail a coordination test and pass the breathalyzer and be arrested. MERCA!!!!
 
2012-08-24 05:24:05 PM

bbcard1: You know, having once gone through them, those field sobriety tests aren't all that easy (I was wearing boots in snow, would hate to think about them in heels, but I did fine. Had only had one beer.)


Yeah, I failed (or I think I failed) the field test... I have little to no coordination and I get very nervous in stressful situations. Luckily, I blew all zeros... so it was just fourty-five minutes of my life that was wasted.
 
2012-08-24 05:59:58 PM
No, an ugly dress and a tacky gift is what you get for that.

This seems appropriate here, could explain some wedding problems.

i.imgur.com
 
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