FARK.com: (7286234) Is your co-worker married? A little detective work is all it takes, says creepiest advice columnist ever

If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

		Is your co-worker married? A little detective work is all it takes, says creepiest advice columnist ever (chicagotribune.com)		118
		More: Silly, Miss Manners

• • •

12800 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Aug 2012 at 10:39 AM | Favorite | share:

Share this link:

URL:

http://fark.com/go/7286234

Bookmark:

Article Comments close

118 Comments (+0 »)

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

meat0918		2012-08-24 11:25:41 AM

Three-Fifty: The original letter writer is just dumb and clueless as to the social dynamics of women. There is no way a married woman would fail to wear a wedding ring because not wearing one would deprive her of the opportunity to be a Smug Married Woman and look down her nose at the unattached women in her workplace who have "not yet managed to land a husband."

/Unmarried.
//Tired of smug married women.
///Admits she has issues.
////SIgh.

You must not work with any married electricians. In my experience, they tend not to wear metal of any sort on their hands.

BarkingUnicorn		2012-08-24 11:28:03 AM

Oerath: Am I the only person who found nothing wrong with the question or the answer here? It's not like she told him to stalk her or go through her garbage or anything, which is what I was expecting from the headline....

Miss Manners is creepy because she always writes in the third person. "Miss Manners thinks..." instead of "I think..." It's as if the column is being written by a medium who's channeling an archangel.

CarnySaur		2012-08-24 11:28:04 AM

Say "My wife and I are hosting a key party tonight. You and your husband are welcome to swing by. Oh, you're not married? I'll keep that in mind the next time the ol' ball and chain wants a three-way."

Martian_Astronomer		2012-08-24 11:28:30 AM

farkityfarker: He said she doesn't wear a ring, but for some unexplained reason, he's still not sure of her status.

If you work at a lab or in a factory (or anywhere else involving chemicals or machinery,) wearing a ring could be a no-no. Doesn't mean she's not married. Made mistaken assumptions that way before, but I'm not aggressive, so I typically find out before I do anything stupid.

Pants full of macaroni!!: I just assume every women I ever see is married. Makes life a whole lot easier.

If I'm interested in a woman, I just pretend I'm not interested, and then in response she'll be actually not interested, and therefore I'll never get to experience human contact ever again!

....

(Seriously, though, the correct answer is to wait until you have an opportunity to talk to her in an innocuous group sort of setting, make a comment about your commute, then ask "where do you live?" If she's married and wants you to know, she'll mention a husband then.)

steklo		2012-08-24 11:35:03 AM

The fellow interested in the female co-worker should see if see if she has a facebook or other social media account. You can not only see if she's married but all the other people she's friends with.

/spoken from experience.

bikerbob59		2012-08-24 11:35:13 AM

miss diminutive: I just sleep with them and then while they're asleep I rummage through their papers looking for a marriage certificate and/or wedding photo album. It's really the most non-intrusive way of finding out for sure.

/if only they wore some kind of identifying jewelry or accessory
//would streamline the whole process

So that WAS you!

Gaboo		2012-08-24 11:38:04 AM

That was an entertaining read, though the other topics were better. The one thing I came away with after reading it was that for a person calling themselves "Miss Manners," she's kind of a biatch.

pkellmey		2012-08-24 11:39:42 AM

I have known so many women who can't understand why no one ever asks them out, and as I point out the diamond ring or band of gold on their ring finger that they always wear as an accessory, I am told that "Men never takes those seriously". Some people need to pay attention to the signals they are giving to others by what they wear.

Manic Depressive Mouse		2012-08-24 11:46:46 AM

I had a cute coworker at my last job, and when I first started there, I wanted to know if he had a girlfriend, so I decided to ask whether he lived alone or had roommates. His response? "I live with my boyfriend."

Sin_City_Superhero		2012-08-24 11:47:30 AM

Devil Jay: [appears out of nowhere] Mua-ha-ha-ha! Man, what the fark are you waiting for? She went for the set up. Reach in your pants and pull your cock out, biatch! Girls like that kinda shiat.
Devil Jay 2: [appears out of nowhere] Mua-ha-ha-ha! Right about here is where the angel's supposed to show up and tell you NOT to pull your dick out, but we biatch-slapped that motherfarker and send him packing, so it's smooth sailing. Let it rip boy...
[Both devils disappear]
Angel Jay: [with a black eye, appears out of nowhere and singing] Jesus loves the little children...
[Stops singing]
Angel Jay: Oh sorry I'm late. So what's the deal here?
[looks down at Jay's erection]
Angel Jay: Oh shiat! Don't tell me your thinking of whipping your dick at that fine piece of woman, are you?
[Jay nods. Angel slaps Jay with his harp]
Angel Jay: Tell you what... Look over at Silent Bob and see if he thinks that a good idea to whip your dick out.
[Jay looks at Silent Bob with a questioning look. Silent Bob shakes his head]
Angel Jay: That's it boy, put the dick down. You gotta go from the heart, yo. No little perv-bullshiat's gonna work for this one. Be smooth. Be Don Juan de la Nooch. Now I gotta beat the shiat out of those punch-sucker little biatches. Remember: Don't pull your dick out 'till she asks, or until she's sleeping. BOOOONG...

Sticky Hands		2012-08-24 11:50:16 AM

ZAZ: Do Chinese women not wear wedding rings? I mean women from China, not of Chinese descent in general. The Chinese women at work are all married but ringless.

They almost never wear them and they keep their maiden names.

ringersol		2012-08-24 11:52:25 AM

WhippingBoy: "Because if she's not interested in him, asking a simple question like that will get him labelled as the "office creep" who's "sexually harassing" her."

Yeah... if you ask one question and people start calling you the 'office creep', there was a whole lot of stalking and staring going on before and/or after.
No matter how clumsy or unattractive you are, you don't get an 'office creep' label unless you're perceived as a threat.

I mean, snap judgement in a club might get you labeled a creep if you look like Jack Elam or some shiat.
But in an office environment where your co-workers have a lot of time to build up an impression of you? you're not going to be perceived as a threat if you act like a normal human being.

tdyak		2012-08-24 11:52:41 AM

Three-Fifty: The original letter writer is just dumb and clueless as to the social dynamics of women. There is no way a married woman would fail to wear a wedding ring because not wearing one would deprive her of the opportunity to be a Smug Married Woman and look down her nose at the unattached women in her workplace who have "not yet managed to land a husband."

/Unmarried.
//Tired of smug married women.
///Admits she has issues.
////SIgh.

Unless you have screwed up fingers / hands (exzema being an example), or you work with construction equipment occassionally and can't wear jewelry at work. There are reasons people don't wear wedding rings other than "Looking to cheat".

jiggitysmith		2012-08-24 11:52:57 AM

Man, I got so many responses I almost feel like I trolled, but it was you guys who DRTFC.

images1.wikia.nocookie.net

HA! HA?

/hot

argylez		2012-08-24 11:53:44 AM

Seriously people, why would even a wedding ring stop you?

/just b/c there's a goalie in the net, doesn't mean you can't score.
//I kinda like married women more anyway

argylez		2012-08-24 11:54:50 AM

tdyak: There are reasons people don't wear wedding rings other than "Looking to cheat".

Oh, just b/c they're wearing a ring, doesn't mean they're not looking to cheat.

/TRUST me

happyleper		2012-08-24 12:04:59 PM

WhippingBoy: I've found that an Unexpected Penis on the Shoulder is a very good way to tell if a woman is interested in you.

If a woman puts her penis on my shoulder, I'm not interested.

Sticky Hands		2012-08-24 12:05:19 PM

argylez: tdyak: There are reasons people don't wear wedding rings other than "Looking to cheat".

Oh, just b/c they're wearing a ring, doesn't mean they're not looking to cheat.

/TRUST me

I can't trust you, you are a cheater.

Jon iz teh kewl		2012-08-24 12:10:24 PM

Sticky Hands: argylez: tdyak: There are reasons people don't wear wedding rings other than "Looking to cheat".

Oh, just b/c they're wearing a ring, doesn't mean they're not looking to cheat.

/TRUST me

I can't trust you, you are a cheater.

but HE SAID "TRUST" IN BIG bOLD LETTERS

tdyak		2012-08-24 12:16:55 PM

Another Government Employee		2012-08-24 12:22:19 PM

I wouldn't bring it up unless she does. To do otherwise invites a visit from HR.

Harry Freakstorm		2012-08-24 12:24:17 PM

Manic Depressive Mouse

I had a cute coworker at my last job, and when I first started there, I wanted to know if he had a girlfriend, so I decided to ask whether he lived alone or had roommates. His response? "I live with my boyfriend."

I didn't hear "I happily live with my handsome, thoughtful boyfriend who meets my every need without crowding me."

Sounds like an invite.

argylez		2012-08-24 12:24:45 PM

tdyak: The last time I trusted you I couldn't poop right for a week. :(

I'm totally trying to bang this hot married cougar that works here. We don't work together, and there's some chemistry for sure. Trying to seal the deal.

/we're having lunch next week ;)

Another Government Employee		2012-08-24 12:27:10 PM

ringersol: WhippingBoy: "Because if she's not interested in him, asking a simple question like that will get him labelled as the "office creep" who's "sexually harassing" her."

Yeah... if you ask one question and people start calling you the 'office creep', there was a whole lot of stalking and staring going on before and/or after.
No matter how clumsy or unattractive you are, you don't get an 'office creep' label unless you're perceived as a threat.

I mean, snap judgement in a club might get you labeled a creep if you look like Jack Elam or some shiat.
But in an office environment where your co-workers have a lot of time to build up an impression of you? you're not going to be perceived as a threat if you act like a normal human being.

Been there and done that. All it takes is one slightly paranoid female and you are toast.

Lone Stranger		2012-08-24 12:29:26 PM

A ring never plugged a hole.

jimmythefly		2012-08-24 12:29:38 PM

Manic Depressive Mouse: I had a cute coworker at my last job, and when I first started there, I wanted to know if he had a girlfriend, so I decided to ask whether he lived alone or had roommates. His response? "I live with my boyfriend."

I was going to mention something along these lines. TFA assumes the person is a heterosexual. Maybe instead of asking "are you married" a better approach might be "are you seeing anyone?"

Or simply ask them out on a date, as others here have said. Best-case is you go on a date. Worst-case is you flatter them and perhaps make a new friend, who has friends he/she is looking to hook up.

argylez		2012-08-24 12:31:58 PM

Another Government Employee: Been there and done that. All it takes is one slightly paranoid female and you are toast.

Be attractive. Don't be unattractive.

Jon iz teh kewl		2012-08-24 12:32:48 PM

jimmythefly: Manic Depressive Mouse: I had a cute coworker at my last job, and when I first started there, I wanted to know if he had a girlfriend, so I decided to ask whether he lived alone or had roommates. His response? "I live with my boyfriend."

I was going to mention something along these lines. TFA assumes the person is a heterosexual. Maybe instead of asking "are you married" a better approach might be "are you seeing anyone?"

Or simply ask them out on a date, as others here have said. Best-case is you go on a date. Worst-case is you flatter them and perhaps make a new friend, who has friends he/she is looking to hook up.

or ask. "do u do teh gay"

homosexual is more acceptable in the work environment these days due to budget cuts

jimmythefly		2012-08-24 12:39:25 PM

If they are teh ghye, I am told it is customary to within 5 minutes of conversation work in a reference to some other gay person or couple you know or are related to, just to show how OK with it you are. If you know no other homosexual people at least mention Ellen or Modern Family or NPH or Indigo Girls.

Seriously, I have homosexual friends who tell me this basically happens any time they meet someone and that person finds out for the first time they are gay. Like clockwork.

pkellmey		2012-08-24 12:45:09 PM

jimmythefly: Or simply ask them out on a date, as others here have said. Best-case is you go on a date. Worst-case is you flatter them and perhaps make a new friend, who has friends he/she is looking to hook up.

I find that your worst-case scenario is nowhere near as imaginative as things I have personally witnessed in the office. There are a lot of really paranoid folk out there in real life.

argylez		2012-08-24 12:48:46 PM

pkellmey: things I have personally witnessed in the office.

Go on....

grinding_journalist		2012-08-24 12:57:46 PM

offmymeds: It fit just fine when we were married...28 years ago. Since then she's lost a few pounds here and there. Seriously.

BarkingUnicorn: So you have one of the rare wives who lost weight after the wedding? Congrats, bro!

I'm just a bit surprised that with a marriage that long, she's never bothered to have it re-sized. Not really expensive. Still, gratz on the shrinking wife. Mine's still...."trending" upwards.

Pants full of macaroni!!		2012-08-24 01:05:55 PM

Martian_Astronomer: If I'm interested in a woman, I just pretend I'm not interested, and then in response she'll be actually not interested, and therefore I'll never get to experience human contact ever again!

You say that as if it were a Bad Thing.

DWitchiewoman		2012-08-24 01:42:12 PM

Question: Do men see a diamond ring on a woman's Right hand and mistake it for an engagement ring?
Do you guys actually check to see if the ring is on the left or right hand?

(After my mother passed away I began wearing the diamond ring that she gave to me on my right hand. Sometimes I wonder if men assume that I am married)

sab6300		2012-08-24 01:51:45 PM

StaleCoffee		2012-08-24 01:53:47 PM

DWitchiewoman: Question: Do men see a diamond ring on a woman's Right hand and mistake it for an engagement ring?
Do you guys actually check to see if the ring is on the left or right hand?

(After my mother passed away I began wearing the diamond ring that she gave to me on my right hand. Sometimes I wonder if men assume that I am married)

They probably think you're married. Take it off and make more eye contact.

Hm. I need to remember that line.

ringersol		2012-08-24 02:03:53 PM

Another Government Employee: "Been there and done that. All it takes is one slightly paranoid female and you are toast."

Whack-jobs exist. Sure. But I'm pretty sure it'd take more than one whack-job to convince an entire office someone's a creep.

DerAppie		2012-08-24 02:04:02 PM

Flakeloaf: I don't know her very well and she works in a different area

Gee, what a shame it would be if you were nice to someone and got to know them only to find out that they won't touch your genitals.

Some people have enough friends but lack people who will touch their genitals. If you want the second and don't need the first, why settle for the first?

DWitchiewoman		2012-08-24 02:07:41 PM

sab6300:
DWitchiewoman: Question: Do men see a diamond ring on a woman's Right hand and mistake it for an engagement ring?
Do you guys actually check to see if the ring is on the left or right hand?

(After my mother passed away I began wearing the diamond ring that she gave to me on my right hand. Sometimes I wonder if men assume that I am married)

Follow-up Question Before Answer: Are you fat?

fair enough. The answer is no, but I am short.

StaleCoffee:
DWitchiewoman: Question: Do men see a diamond ring on a woman's Right hand and mistake it for an engagement ring?
Do you guys actually check to see if the ring is on the left or right hand?

(After my mother passed away I began wearing the diamond ring that she gave to me on my right hand. Sometimes I wonder if men assume that I am married)

They probably think you're married. Take it off and make more eye contact.

Hm. I need to remember that line.

I'm not going to stop wearing the ring, but I appreciate your reply. I was just wondering if I look like a cheater or a swinger or something.

FloydA		2012-08-24 02:17:45 PM

DWitchiewoman: Question: Do men see a diamond ring on a woman's Right hand and mistake it for an engagement ring?
Do you guys actually check to see if the ring is on the left or right hand?

(After my mother passed away I began wearing the diamond ring that she gave to me on my right hand. Sometimes I wonder if men assume that I am married)

That's not really fair. Most guy have a hard time telling left from right.

sab6300		2012-08-24 02:18:26 PM

DWitchiewoman:fair enough. The answer is no, but I am short.
Then its probably not an issue. Any guy that can't figure out the difference between your right and left hand you probably don't want to deal with anyway.

DWitchiewoman		2012-08-24 02:25:51 PM

sab6300:
DWitchiewoman:fair enough. The answer is no, but I am short.
Then its probably not an issue. Any guy that can't figure out the difference between your right and left hand you probably don't want to deal with anyway..

That's what I've been thinking, but since the "look for a ring" thing came up I thought I'd ask.

argylez		2012-08-24 02:26:14 PM

DWitchiewoman: Question: Do men see a diamond ring on a woman's Right hand and mistake it for an engagement ring?
Do you guys actually check to see if the ring is on the left or right hand?

(After my mother passed away I began wearing the diamond ring that she gave to me on my right hand. Sometimes I wonder if men assume that I am married)

Men barely look at the left ring finger, and could care less about the right one. If we're into you, we'll let you know. OR you could be it on your left finger and it might attract more men than you'd think.

/short is NEVER a problem

mama2tnt		2012-08-24 02:27:18 PM

StaleCoffee: They probably think you're married. Take it off and make ~~more~~ LESS eye contact.

What my ex said.

argylez		2012-08-24 02:27:27 PM

DWitchiewoman: fair enough. The answer is no, but I am short.

short is no problem (and I'm tall) - however, fat is. And to some degree what your face looks like.

/Body, face & personality

stonicus		2012-08-24 02:37:53 PM

DerAppie: Flakeloaf: I don't know her very well and she works in a different area

Gee, what a shame it would be if you were nice to someone and got to know them only to find out that they won't touch your genitals.

Some people have enough friends but lack people who will touch their genitals. If you want the second and don't need the first, why settle for the first?

Yeah... I have friends already... and sadly, only the old guy down the road is willing to touch my genitals.

sab6300		2012-08-24 02:41:58 PM

DWitchiewoman: That's what I've been thinking, but since the "look for a ring" thing came up I thought I'd ask.

I met my wife young enough where you never really had to check for a ring. Some of my single friends now check the hand, but they are all in their late 20's or early 30's. So if you are younger I doubt guys your age even look.

//As long as you're not a whale and not annoying you should be good to go
/yes we keep the bar that low

DWitchiewoman		2012-08-24 02:42:35 PM

argylez:
Men barely look at the left ring finger, and could care less about the right one. If we're into you, we'll let you know. OR you could be it on your left finger and it might attract more men than you'd think.

/short is NEVER a problem

I've had married friends tell me they get hit on more with the engagement ring on. Not sure I understand that though.

Short is sometimes a problem for me.
floor seats at a concert sucks b/c all I can see are armpits :/

JackieRabbit		2012-08-24 02:43:35 PM

WhippingBoy: JackieRabbit: WTF? What on earth is wrong with just asking her if she is married, while having a casual conversation?

Because if she's not interested in him, asking a simple question like that will get him labelled as the "office creep" who's "sexually harassing" her.

Bullshiat. Women ask me if I'm married all the rime. I've asked them too. I've never once had someone take offense. No one really thinks anything about it. Asking someone if they are married is not sexual harassment. (I used to be a local EEOC chairman). Neither is asking someone out on a date.

This is how easy it is:

Oh, hi Mary. How are you today

Fine

You know, we haven't really had a chance to get to know one another.

No, we haven't.

So how long have you been with the company?

Three years now.

Where's you go to college?

Emory

Are you married? Have any kids?

Scenario one:
Yes. And I have two girls five and two.

Wow, you have your hands full!

Scenario two:
No, not married.

Neither am I.

etc.....

No one in their right mind could possible be offended by this innocent exchange, nor can she reasonably conclude that she is being sexually harassed.

DWitchiewoman		2012-08-24 02:52:55 PM

sab6300:
...As long as you're not a whale and not annoying you should be good to go
/yes we keep the bar that low

i giggled

Displayed 50 of 118 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Redisplay/refresh comments

This thread is closed to new comments.

Submit a Link »

Report

Advertise on Fark

Like Fark!

+1 Fark!

Follow @fark on Twitter

Headlines of the Week

Report