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(TPNN)   Meet "House", a 6'11'' 500 lb. football player who could be the largest to ever play the sport   (whptv.com) divider line 59
    More: Scary, Hampton Roads, WHP CBS  
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5906 clicks; posted to Sports » on 24 Aug 2012 at 3:59 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-23 11:17:08 PM
he'll get called for holding, berate his teammates for the next 50 minutes then man i hated that show
 
2012-08-23 11:19:58 PM
If he lost 150 pounds or so, he might actually become a good player instead of just a wall of organic material.
 
2012-08-23 11:36:48 PM
So is he logging in and interacting with other farkers? Or is "meet" only figurative?
 
2012-08-23 11:54:33 PM
If he can get some conditioning and has some basic defensive knowledge he could be a force.
 
2012-08-23 11:58:36 PM
He should be a hockey goalie. He's about the same dimensions as a 7'x4' piece of plywood, he'd be unbeatable.
 
2012-08-24 12:18:35 AM

unyon: He should be a hockey goalie. He's about the same dimensions as a 7'x4' piece of plywood, he'd be unbeatablethe most bruised man on earth.

 
2012-08-24 12:19:16 AM
I give his knees 2 years. 3 at most.
 
jbc [TotalFark]
2012-08-24 12:41:11 AM

Chariset: I give his knees 2 years. 3 at most.


Not if the lupus gets him first.
 
2012-08-24 12:48:13 AM
He's dying young. It won't be lupus.
 
2012-08-24 12:56:53 AM
"lupis" is a funny reference to the tv show "House"
 
2012-08-24 01:10:52 AM
If he dropped 150 lbs he'd not only still be huge, but he'd have the stamina of horse. A friend of mine in college was fat pretty much his whole life, until his last year of high school when he started running and eating properly. Went from about 260 to 180, then started lifting and gained muscle until he was 200 lb. '1", 200 lbs, the guy was not small -- and he could not only lift as much as football player, but he could run as much as a cross country runner. Got scouted for rowing by Olympic coaches, never pursued it though. 

/csb
 
2012-08-24 01:11:45 AM
6'1", 200bs, rather

:\
 
2012-08-24 01:13:12 AM
He's going to die from heart disease last year. Jeeze.
 
2012-08-24 01:32:53 AM

MeinRS6: He's dying young. It won't be lupus.


This. Crippled in 3-4 years, dead in 5-7.
 
2012-08-24 01:51:46 AM
Fat people don't live long. Tall people don't live long.
If he's lucky he'll die suddenly instead of his body failing one part at a time.

:-/ Poor guy.
 
2012-08-24 04:14:17 AM
His heart must be the size of a cantaloupe.
 
2012-08-24 04:24:59 AM
not many motor vehicles can accommodate a fellow his size. Chevy Suburban would probably do it.
 
2012-08-24 04:25:22 AM

Chariset: I give his knees 2 years. 3 at most.


He's 35 already so he's done surprisingly well so far.
 
2012-08-24 05:46:28 AM
35 what? Dog years? Trimesters?
 
2012-08-24 06:23:23 AM

MeinRS6: 35 what? Dog years? Trimesters?


He is 35 epochs old and grows like a reptile.
 
2012-08-24 07:03:59 AM
loose 200 lbs of fat, gain about 20 in muscle, and yeah, he'd be another Jonathan Ogden.

BUT, this is 'merica, so let's be realistic. He'll blow out a knee from doing nothing bust standing around on the field, gain 50 more pounds, and die of an enlarged heart 5 years from now.

It would have been awesome if just for fun they taped two jerseys together for him.

/lupus
 
2012-08-24 07:15:17 AM
Don't let Vince McMahon see this article...
 
2012-08-24 07:24:33 AM
How much of a hockey net would be cover up?
 
2012-08-24 07:28:29 AM

thomps: "lupis" is a funny reference to the tv show "House"


Which itself may be a reference to Seinfeld.

George: "Is it lupus!? LUPUS!?!"
 
2012-08-24 07:39:24 AM
Football is the wrong sport for him. I think a lot of people would pay good money to watch him cannonball off the 10 meter platform. I know I would.
 
2012-08-24 07:50:02 AM

Subdue their bellies: Don't let Vince McMahon see this article...


He'd be a monster! Unstoppable! Until John Cena faces him.
 
2012-08-24 08:13:50 AM
"Man, how'd your folks let you get like this?"

teampageimages.s3.amazonaws.com

"Are you kidding? He probably ate his folks!"
 
2012-08-24 08:21:37 AM
We had a guy who, as a freshman, maxed out the scale at 495. He was 6'6". He was visibly bigger by senior year. He was visibly bigger again at the ten-year reunion. Nicest guy, but I'll be surprised if he sees 50.
 
2012-08-24 08:45:12 AM

Subdue their bellies: Don't let Vince McMahon see this article...


BAH GAWD KING, THAT MAN ATE A FAMILY
 
2012-08-24 08:46:45 AM
"I'm not saying he's fat, but this is the size of one of his testicles."

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-08-24 08:52:36 AM

InvertedB: MeinRS6: 35 what? Dog years? Trimesters?

He is 35 epochs old and grows like a reptile.


whosawesomeyourawesome.jpg
 
2012-08-24 08:55:47 AM
Meat house?
 
2012-08-24 09:05:43 AM
35 and playing for the GDFL (wtf)? Don't think we'll be seeing him on an NFL roster anytime soon.

I'd also disagree with his assertion that he can't be moved. Maybe not in the GDFL, but I'm guessing the 6'7 360lb lineman in the NFL wouldn't have an issue.
 
2012-08-24 09:10:40 AM
God I love these threads. Idiots making predictions on his health who somehow missed the fact he is 35 and still playing.
 
2012-08-24 09:13:02 AM
thesportsgeeks.com
 
2012-08-24 09:18:06 AM
Until someone chop blocks him...
 
2012-08-24 09:26:59 AM
I can't see somebody being that big and tall being effective at anything in a football game.
 
2012-08-24 09:27:05 AM
- "In a world exclusive interview, 35-year-old defensive lineman John Taylor, who weighs 500 pounds, admitted taking massive doses of anabolic steroids, drugs banned in sport. 'He used to get in bad tempers and act up,' said his wife. 'He used to pick on me. But now he's stopped, he's much better in our sex life and in our general life.'" Jesus Christ, this huge, thatched head with its earlobes and cannonball is now considered sane. "John Taylor is feeling better and is now prepared to step back into society and start tossing his orb about." Look at him. Look at John Taylor. His head must weigh fifty pounds on its own. Imagine the size of his balls. Imagine getting into a fight with the farker!

- Please, I don't feel good.

- That's what you'd say, but that wouldn't wash with John. No, he'd like a bit of pleading. Add spice to it. In fact, he'd probably tell you what he was going to do before he did it. "I'm going to pull your head off." "Oh no, please, don't pull my head off." "I'm going to pull your head off, because I don't like your head." 

/ not obscure
 
2012-08-24 09:28:49 AM

star_topology: Until someone chop blocks him...


That would be suicide. You do not want him falling on you.

The NFL said he was too big for them? If he can't play at their level that is one thing, but if they flat out said "you are too big" that is discrimination. Honestly, I can't believe his ankles have held out. When it comes to big guys it is usually the ankles that fail before the knees.
 
2012-08-24 09:31:47 AM
ENOLA -- When the Central Penn Piranha makes a house call, the objective is to smother you.


Odd, last time Enola dropped Little Boy, not Fat Man.
 
jbc [TotalFark]
2012-08-24 09:32:22 AM

MugzyBrown: I can't see somebody being that big and tall being effective at anything in a football game.


Have you seen the concession stands?
 
2012-08-24 09:58:28 AM
At some point the height becomes a liability. I can't think of any NFL defensive linemen who are taller than 6'6" or so, other than some athletic pass-rushing ends. An NFL offensive lineman would be able to get his pads underneath this guy, stand him up and neutralize him on most plays.
 
2012-08-24 10:06:31 AM

Super Chronic: At some point the height becomes a liability. I can't think of any NFL defensive linemen who are taller than 6'6" or so, other than some athletic pass-rushing ends. An NFL offensive lineman would be able to get his pads underneath this guy, stand him up and neutralize him on most plays.


You know, if this whole football thing doesn't work out, he could at least offer his services to nerdy middle schoolers to help them confront bullies for a small fee.


"Is this the one you were telling me about, Jimmy? That Kyle kid that gives you swirlies?"

"Yep."

"He looks like a biatch to me... hello, biatch."
 
2012-08-24 10:44:02 AM
Last time I checked interior D linemen were built fairly low to the ground and pass-rushers were really fast. I don't see him being particularly effective against either of them. It would be physically impossible for him to get under an interior lineman's pads so he wouldn't have leverage for run blocking, and he'd be way too slow for pass blocking.
 
2012-08-24 10:46:45 AM
Taylor told CBS 21 News Sports Director Jason Bristol he is concerned about his weight and how it may affect his overall health as he grows older. Taylor, 35, plans on losing weight when his football career is over.

Dude, you're limited to playing short-yardage situations in the GDFL. Your football career was over a long time ago.
 
2012-08-24 10:54:38 AM

Super Chronic: At some point the height becomes a liability. I can't think of any NFL defensive linemen who are taller than 6'6" or so, other than some athletic pass-rushing ends. An NFL offensive lineman would be able to get his pads underneath this guy, stand him up and neutralize him on most plays.


Yup. Assuming he has good arm length he should drop weight and become an OT. At 350-370 with all of that being pure muscle and a decent reach blocking ability he'd lock down the blindside. He'd be able to just reach out and slam a lot of the speed rushers into the turf. Any DT that tried to bull rush him would just slam into a wall of organic material still. Of course he'd block out a passing lane with this height, but that is the price you pay. Height is more useful on the offensive line where height = arm length = more reach blocking ability. At 35 though he has no shot at a pro career.

I'm honestly somewhat surprised though that some NFL team doesn't go around and find these guys when they're 22 or so. Sign them right after the season ends and toss them to a couple of specialized trainers. See where they are 7-8 months later when preseason ends and cut accordingly. If you brought in a herd of these guys and say got one guy you could trade for a pick,one or two guys worth keeping on the depth chart, and maybe a starter or a specialized pass protector it would be worth the costs. If you parked two giant 6' 11" guys that outweighed everyone else on the field by a good 30+ pounds each, you'd have awesome pass protection. The quarterback can just hang out there and read a magazine until your stud WR gets open downfield.
 
2012-08-24 11:45:44 AM

ha-ha-guy: Super Chronic:
I'm honestly somewhat surprised though that some NFL team doesn't go around and find these guys when they're 22 or so. Sign them right after the season ends and toss them to a couple of specialized trainers. See where they are 7-8 months later when preseason ends and cut accordingly. If you brought in a herd of these guys and say got one guy you could trade for a pick,one or two guys worth keeping on the depth chart, and maybe a starter or a specialized pass protector it would be worth the costs. If you parked two giant 6' 11" guys that outweighed everyone else on the field by a good 30+ pounds each, you'd have awesome pass protection. The quarterback can just hang out there and read a magazine until your stud WR gets open downfield.


That's pretty much what Nick Saban did with Terrence Cody:

cdn.bleacherreport.net

6'4", 400+ pounds in high school, Saban said if he got down to 380 they'd offer him and if he got down to 360 they could start him. He managed to do that while he was in junior college, ended up winning a national championship, would have won a bunch of defensive awards had it not been for another boy named Suh, and is now a starter in the NFL.
 
2012-08-24 12:10:54 PM
Is Shaq his speech coach?
 
2012-08-24 12:15:47 PM
Akebono says "meh"

/and "buy my stuff, I'm broke"
 
2012-08-24 12:16:10 PM

Chariset: I give his knees 2 years. 3 at most.


Vicodin + cane. Problem solved. :P

/am I the first one to make that particular lame joke?
//also, (insert Mike Tomlin/Omar Epps joke here)
 
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