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(Nola.com)   Attorneys for the pastor famous for protesting a local gay festival say their client did masturbate in the park, but argued he never exposed himself so it doesn't count   (nola.com) divider line 71
    More: Fail, New Orleans' Southern Decadence, Bourbon Street, obscenities, festivals  
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6388 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Aug 2012 at 11:08 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-23 01:22:21 AM
Why would you march against gay people? Do you actually think it will change them?

I guess people who think it is OK to masturbate in public or those who are too lazy to walk to a toilet and urinate in a bottle that they then carry around the rest of the day are not that bright.

If you want to change gay people.... well stop worrying about what other people do. You know the whole glass houses thing.
 
2012-08-23 02:21:53 AM

feckingmorons: Why would you march against gay people? Do you actually think it will change them?

I guess people who think it is OK to masturbate in public or those who are too lazy to walk to a toilet and urinate in a bottle that they then carry around the rest of the day are not that bright.

If you want to change gay people.... well stop worrying about what other people do. You know the whole glass houses thing.


That's it. I'm going to masturbate FOR public marching. Wait, scratch that, reverse it.
 
2012-08-23 04:36:22 AM

feckingmorons: Why would you march against gay people? Do you actually think it will change them?


No, but it gives you an excuse to watch them and jack off, apparently.
 
2012-08-23 05:31:11 AM
Pretty sure this guy never figured out how to open the closet door from the inside.
 
2012-08-23 06:30:19 AM

feckingmorons: Why would you march against gay people?


Because you're a repressed self loathing homosexual deep in denial?
 
2012-08-23 08:45:32 AM
Why a park? Parks are known to be cruisey to begin with. Maybe we have a closet case on our hands?
 
2012-08-23 09:59:38 AM
He wasn't even on a park bench or anything. He was in his van. Vans are up a little higher than most vehicles, so you'd have to be pretty close to see his penis. And apparently when he noticed somebody nearby he quickly covered it with his non-dominant hand.
 
2012-08-23 10:28:54 AM
media.nola.com

Married to this, I can't imagine at all why his main form of "release" would be yanking it in public parks. And protesting gays, those naughty dirty nasty boys.
 
2012-08-23 10:30:32 AM

Generation_D: [media.nola.com image 380x319]

Married to this, I can't imagine at all why his main form of "release" would be yanking it in public parks. And protesting gays, those naughty dirty nasty boys.


Those nasty.. dirty.. naughty.. *zzzziip*
 
2012-08-23 10:40:45 AM
What?

Another right wing anti-gay Christian warrior caught with his pants down, playing with baby Jesus, drinking beer, intoxicated, in a van, looking at children in a park?

And just in time for the upcoming GOP convention!
 
2012-08-23 10:42:49 AM

Godscrack: What?

Another right wing anti-gay Christian warrior caught with his pants down, playing with baby Jesus, drinking beer, intoxicated, in a van, looking at children in a park?

And just in time for the upcoming GOP convention!


This was a children's park?! Ewwwwww!
 
2012-08-23 11:00:32 AM

Cythraul: Godscrack: What?

Another right wing anti-gay Christian warrior caught with his pants down, playing with baby Jesus, drinking beer, intoxicated, in a van, looking at children in a park?

And just in time for the upcoming GOP convention!

This was a children's park?! Ewwwwww!


But he didn't have any kiddie pron on his phone, so its ok.
 
2012-08-23 11:01:34 AM

Generation_D: gays, those naughty dirty nasty boys.


img221.imageshack.us

"They're all barbarians who need to be disciplined."
 
2012-08-23 11:10:37 AM
That which angers us most in others is usually what sickens us about ourselves.

/farking conservatives
 
2012-08-23 11:12:10 AM
He can beat it in Court.
 
2012-08-23 11:12:30 AM
saying in opening statements that detectives found no evidence of child pornography on his computer or cell phone

I don't understand why they would be allowed to search his computer and phone to begin with.
 
2012-08-23 11:13:08 AM
Yea, obvious tag.
 
2012-08-23 11:14:04 AM
Get thee behind me, Satan. Really deep in the behind.
 
2012-08-23 11:16:36 AM
Man, that is some crazy storytelling:
Apparently attempting to explain to police why he exposed himself, Storms confessed that as a grass cutter, he carried a "pee bottle" with him, and on the day of his arrest, he sipped a beer in his van and then had to urinate. He did it in the bottle, instead of walking to a park restroom. However, Detective Donald Zanotelli testified he searched Storms' van and found no bottles with urine in them.
 
2012-08-23 11:18:36 AM

Boudica's War Tampon: Get thee behind me, Satan. Really deep in the behind.


2.bp.blogspot.com

Satan is more of a bottom.
 
2012-08-23 11:20:03 AM

Boudica's War Tampon: Get thee behind me, Satan. Really deep in the behind.


The Coming of the Lord?
 
2012-08-23 11:20:52 AM
It's always the most moralizing ones, isn't it...
 
2012-08-23 11:21:17 AM

Knucklepopper: Man, that is some crazy storytelling:

" he searched Storms' van and found no bottles with urine in them."


The water fountain is very near the cruisy restroom, he had no choice but to recycle.
 
2012-08-23 11:24:06 AM
"I was peeing, not masturbating"

"Ok, I WAS masturbating, but I wasn't exposing myself"

"Ok, I WAS exposing myself, but I wasn't masturbating while looking at the children"

I think we all know what the next step is in this little monologue of denial.
 
2012-08-23 11:24:42 AM
Well, to be honest, fapping to little girls in the park isn't gay.
 
2012-08-23 11:24:46 AM

wellreadneck: The water fountain is very near the cruisy restroom, he had no choice but to recycle.


"Damn, can't a man sit in his parked van and crack one off in peace without having those gay freaks bother him?"
 
2012-08-23 11:26:04 AM
It's "poisoning pigeons in the park," not "choking chickens".
 
2012-08-23 11:26:33 AM

Citrate1007: That which angers us most in others is usually what sickens us about ourselves.

/farking conservatives


You're a closeted conservative?
 
2012-08-23 11:27:16 AM
It sounds like one of those philosofical thought experiments:

«if a pastor masturbates in a forest, does he expose his penis?»
 
2012-08-23 11:28:39 AM
Here's his mugshot goodness

media.nola.com
 
2012-08-23 11:28:57 AM
Just a thrill. Gotcha, buddy. Certainly men never go to a public park to masturbate hoping that some guy will join in the fun. And even if they did, we are sure a good upstanding Christian pillar of the community like you would never participate in something sordid.
 
2012-08-23 11:31:26 AM

JackieRabbit: Certainly men never go to a public park to masturbate hoping that some guy will join in the fun.


Some people take a wide stance on this issue!
 
2012-08-23 11:32:20 AM
My rod and my staff, they comfort me?
 
2012-08-23 11:35:11 AM

clevershark: wellreadneck: The water fountain is very near the cruisy restroom, he had no choice but to recycle.

"Damn, can't a man sit in his parked van and crack one off in peace without having those gay freaks bother him?"


Wouldn't "lot lizard's" be a more PC term, or is that limited specifically to rest areas?
 
2012-08-23 11:35:57 AM

stuhayes2010: Here's his mugshot goodness


i277.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-23 11:37:37 AM
www.patentspostgrant.com
 
2012-08-23 11:39:45 AM
Add another name to the sex offender list.
 
2012-08-23 11:45:37 AM
farking whackjob evangelical protestants. no fun bugbears, jerking off to the tears of children (despite what the cop says)

I loathe those french quarter celebration-day anti-gay protesters. they go after everyone. i was walking out of the church one day and they accosted me and my wife, just because it was carnivale (we attended mass, because occasionally we go to catholic mass, sometimes other church's masses). I asked them if they were christians or just assholes. did not receive a satisfactory response. learned that day to never engage again.

/ although, I don't attend southern decadence... that's more of a celebration for those who are celebrating.
// nttawwt... just not my cup of tea.
 
2012-08-23 11:48:44 AM

wellreadneck: Wouldn't "lot lizard's" be a more PC term, or is that limited specifically to rest areas?


Lot lizards are female prostitutes that prowl truck stops. Not a lot of your A-list hookers there.
 
2012-08-23 11:54:18 AM

Theaetetus: It's "poisoning pigeons in the park," not "choking chickens".


"Funny" button for you.

Dammit, now I have that song stuck in my head.
 
2012-08-23 11:54:51 AM
Religoous people, especially zealots, are so confused...but inexplicably hopeful.
 
2012-08-23 11:59:25 AM

Citrate1007: That which angers us most in others is usually what sickens us about ourselves.

/farking conservatives


.
.
So how should we diagnose all of the hate that you're carrying around?
 
2012-08-23 12:08:45 PM

HotWingConspiracy: saying in opening statements that detectives found no evidence of child pornography on his computer or cell phone

I don't understand why they would be allowed to search his computer and phone to begin with.


You get busted for polishing the bishop near a park with kids playing in it, it would take the cops all of 5 minutes to get a search warrant.
 
2012-08-23 12:09:29 PM

clevershark: wellreadneck: Wouldn't "lot lizard's" be a more PC term, or is that limited specifically to rest areas?

Lot lizards are female prostitutes that prowl truck stops. Not a lot of your A-list hookers there.


Good to know. I just assumed my cousin was sparing my feelings and avoiding a potentially awkward conversation about homosexuals by not elaborating any further than "it tells the lot lizards you don't want to be bothered" when I asked about that sticker on his truck door.
 
2012-08-23 12:12:25 PM

Generation_D: [media.nola.com image 380x319]

Married to this, I can't imagine at all why his main form of "release" would be yanking it in public parks. And protesting gays, those naughty dirty nasty boys.


How can you be so mean? Don't you see he's carrying a bible?
 
2012-08-23 12:12:40 PM

wellreadneck: clevershark: wellreadneck: Wouldn't "lot lizard's" be a more PC term, or is that limited specifically to rest areas?

Lot lizards are female prostitutes that prowl truck stops. Not a lot of your A-list hookers there.

Good to know. I just assumed my cousin was sparing my feelings and avoiding a potentially awkward conversation about homosexuals by not elaborating any further than "it tells the lot lizards you don't want to be bothered" when I asked about that sticker on his truck door.


t2.gstatic.com

Was it something like this?
 
2012-08-23 12:16:21 PM

JackieRabbit: Just a thrill. Gotcha, buddy. Certainly men never go to a public park to masturbate hoping that some guy will join in the fun. And even if they did, we are sure a good upstanding Christian pillar of the community like you would never participate in something sordid.


A guy who mows lawns for a living and had a brief moment of local fame 9 years ago for leading a protest to a decadence festival gets arrested for jacking off in his van. Is he really a Christian pillar of the community? The article calls him a "pastor" but never says whom he pastors. I don't think this guy makes the list of fallen "mega-church" pastors.

I guess the famous anti-gay pastor angle is a better story than some random manual laborer fapping in his van.
 
2012-08-23 12:18:25 PM

Cythraul: wellreadneck: clevershark: wellreadneck: Was it something like this?


Yes, sans writing.
 
2012-08-23 12:21:46 PM
It's obvious, isn't it? He was releasing his seed to purify the seed around. He has holy seed! It radiates with holiness and other things that radiate. It would purify it all once it was released. It's part of God's Plan! We should thank him for this.
 
2012-08-23 12:23:14 PM

impaler: Citrate1007: That which angers us most in others is usually what sickens us about ourselves.

/farking conservatives

You're a closeted conservative?


Actually political affiliation doesn't factor into who I fark.
 
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