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(Deadspin)   "Say the word 'Packers' to John Madden and he'll close his eyes and have a nine-minute soundless orgasm. It's repulsive"   (deadspin.com) divider line 109
    More: Amusing, Green Bay, Jermichael Finley, Dom Capers, Skip Bayless, touchdown celebration, A.J. Hawk, Cedric Benson, Greg Jennings  
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2459 clicks; posted to Sports » on 23 Aug 2012 at 9:48 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-23 09:45:20 AM
If I'm watching John Madden having a nine-minute orgasm, he had better be describing it in graphic detail between moans that sound like a donkey's braying, and with his final cumshot, he should scream FOOTBALL before collapsing in a heap into a pool of his own jizz.
 
2012-08-23 09:51:01 AM

FirstNationalBastard: If I'm watching John Madden having a nine-minute orgasm, he had better be describing it in graphic detail between moans that sound like a donkey's braying, and with his final cumshot, he should scream FOOTBALL before collapsing in a heap into a pool of his own jizz.


So, any random 9-minute clip of Madden calling any random game, ever
 
2012-08-23 09:56:13 AM

phalamir: FirstNationalBastard: If I'm watching John Madden having a nine-minute orgasm, he had better be describing it in graphic detail between moans that sound like a donkey's braying, and with his final cumshot, he should scream FOOTBALL before collapsing in a heap into a pool of his own jizz.

So, any random 9-minute clip of Madden calling any random game, ever


Pretty much.

Having Pat Summerall there to say "Thanks, John" would also be acceptable.
 
2012-08-23 10:02:13 AM
Which packers is he thinking of?
 
2012-08-23 10:10:01 AM
That was pretty funny, the emails at the end were great.
 
2012-08-23 10:13:22 AM
"Lead the league in ponytails"

+1
 
2012-08-23 10:15:34 AM
5. On behalf of Packers fans, I'm sorry. We're like you threw Cowboys fans in the FROZEN TUNDRA and gave them cheese, cognitive skills, and a public stock offering. It's just we love our team so much that you have to too, right? Right?

THIS. I don;t hate the Packers. Their fans can just be HORRIBLE though.

tl;dr-ish:

So I work most of the Vikings home game in a concession stand. I work for a non-profit organization that allows me to earn proceeds that can go tax-free to help pay for things when it comes to my daughter's dancing.

So this last Friday, I am working the game between Minnesota and Buffalo. After about 5 minutes, who do I see walking arounf? People in Packer jerseys. That's right. Week 2 PRESEASON game, Buffalo vs Minnesota, 2 hours before the game starts and they are wearing PACKER jerseys. Are they lost or something? The creme dey-la-creme was the 250lbs woman wearing the "4" Favre jersey though. That 4 stretched from back tit to back tit.
 
2012-08-23 10:24:01 AM

Jim from Saint Paul: So I work most of the Vikings home game in a concession stand. I work for a non-profit organization that allows me to earn proceeds that can go tax-free to help pay for things when it comes to my daughter's dancing.

So this last Friday, I am working the game between Minnesota and Buffalo. After about 5 minutes, who do I see walking arounf? People in Packer jerseys. That's right. Week 2 PRESEASON game, Buffalo vs Minnesota, 2 hours before the game starts and they are wearing PACKER jerseys. Are they lost or something? The creme dey-la-creme was the 250lbs woman wearing the "4" Favre jersey though. That 4 stretched from back tit to back tit.


There should be a rule at all sporting events...major league, college, w/e. You either wear gear of the teams that are playing, or you just wear everyday clothes. Children and a select group of women are exempt. This would become an actual man-law, along the same lines as wearing a jersey of a player that no longer plays for that team (I'm looking at you, guy who wore a Terrell Owens 49ers jersey to the NFC Title game last year).

For instance, I'm a Bears fan. I went to Lambeau last year with the BIL to see the Packers play Tampa Bay. I did not wear my Brian Urlacher jersey. Why? Because I'm not a douchebag, that's why. I did wear that jersey when I went to a Packers/Bears game the previous year. Why? Because I like gettting yelled at by strangers in public.
 
2012-08-23 10:26:23 AM
Please read the section in his version of this that deals with the Bengals where he discusses Pacman Jones.

/yes, he is still in the league....
 
2012-08-23 10:29:42 AM
These "Why your team sucks" previews are great. The fan emails are the best part.
 
2012-08-23 10:35:29 AM

Cubs300: There should be a rule at all sporting events...major league, college, w/e. You either wear gear of the teams that are playing, or you just wear everyday clothes.


Meh, I enjoy wearing my Blue Jays hat and Bautista jersey whatever stadium I am in. If I went to an NFL game that wasn't Packers related, I would still sport my Rodgers jersey. I don't see why you would be so annoyed by this considering its team pride in a sport you and the other are invested in. I don't see how thats automatically douchey.
 
2012-08-23 10:37:35 AM

thecpt: I don't see how thats automatically douchey.


Wearing another man's jury is only douchey if you are over 8 years old.
 
2012-08-23 10:41:33 AM

The Muthaship: thecpt: I don't see how thats automatically douchey.

Wearing another man's jury is only douchey if you are over 8 years old.


Are you saying wearing it to another stadium, or just wearing it in general? I think of it more of a celebration of team pride and a show of respect to a player.
 
2012-08-23 10:42:58 AM

thecpt: Are you saying wearing it to another stadium, or just wearing it in general?


The latter.
 
2012-08-23 10:45:50 AM

The Muthaship: thecpt: Are you saying wearing it to another stadium, or just wearing it in general?

The latter.


Okay, yeah we're probably not going to find common ground on that one.
 
2012-08-23 10:47:38 AM
Being a non-Packer fan living in Wisconsin, I enjoyed this.

Being a Raiders fan living in Wisconsin, I also enjoyed the line "Packers fans are just Raiders fans that have permits for their weapons."
 
2012-08-23 10:49:56 AM

thecpt: Meh, I enjoy wearing my Blue Jays hat and Bautista jersey whatever stadium I am in. If I went to an NFL game that wasn't Packers related, I would still sport my Rodgers jersey. I don't see why you would be so annoyed by this considering its team pride in a sport you and the other are invested in. I don't see how thats automatically douchey.


It's apparently super grown-up and masculine to criticize others for not being fashionable.

/will wear jerseys on occasion
//more rarely as I move on past college, though
 
2012-08-23 10:51:47 AM

thecpt: The Muthaship: thecpt: Are you saying wearing it to another stadium, or just wearing it in general?

The latter.

Okay, yeah we're probably not going to find common ground on that one.


It's okay. I find I very rarely find common ground with anyone that expects me to care about their opinion about my clothes. Except my fiance, and she's persuasive.
 
2012-08-23 10:53:04 AM

IAmRight: It's apparently super grown-up and masculine to criticize others for not being fashionable.


Is that what I did?

Sorry I stepped on your widdle hero worshipping toes. Which King James jersey did you wear to bed last night anyway?
 
2012-08-23 10:53:34 AM

thecpt: The Muthaship: thecpt: Are you saying wearing it to another stadium, or just wearing it in general?

The latter.

Okay, yeah we're probably not going to find common ground on that one.


If I wore a Cowboys Jersey to an Eagles vs Bengals game in Philly, if I survived the mob lynching, I would be considered a real life "troll" at best. Same as if I wore a Falcons Jersey to a Saints vs Jets game.

You may not be a douche persay. You ARE trolling depending on when and where you are wearing it.
 
2012-08-23 10:54:16 AM
Best part of that whole thing: Packers fans are just Raiders fans that have permits for their weapons.
 
2012-08-23 10:57:36 AM

Mr Guy: I find I very rarely find common ground with anyone that expects me to care about their opinion about my clothes


I don't care about your clothes at all. I just think it's a biatchildish to wear a jersey with some other grown man's name on it. Plus, whenever you see someone making an ass of himself at a game, there's about a 68% chance they are wearing one.
 
2012-08-23 11:02:27 AM

The Muthaship: Mr Guy: I find I very rarely find common ground with anyone that expects me to care about their opinion about my clothes

I don't care about your clothes at all. I just think it's a biatchildish to wear a jersey with some other grown man's name on it. Plus, whenever you see someone making an ass of himself at a game, there's about a 68% chance they are wearing one.


So if I wear a shirt from a guy who provides me entertainment, that's bad.

If I wear a pear of pants that say wrangler or Marc Ecko, that's okay?

/ haven't worn a game jersey myself in about 6 or 7 years
//that's because I'm fat and I have 3x Moss jersey that shrunk over the years
 
2012-08-23 11:04:47 AM

Jim from Saint Paul: You may not be a douche persay. You ARE trolling depending on when and where you are wearing it.


agreed there, but to be honest some NFL fans take it waaaaay too far in harassing people. I've only had to put up with one a**hole at more than a dozen MLB games. I had to put up with so many when I went to one NFL Giants game. The fans I got to talk with actually had a lot of mutual respect, but some just had to be complete a**holes even with kids around.
 
2012-08-23 11:08:38 AM

Jim from Saint Paul: So if I wear a shirt from a guy who provides me entertainment, that's bad.

If I wear a pear of pants that say wrangler or Marc Ecko, that's okay?


Those sure do seem like the same thing, but let me think about it.....oh yeah, not at all. Who makes jerseys now, Reebok? Nike? The maker of the product does typically put their name on it. Then you can add Randy's name if you want.
 
2012-08-23 11:13:50 AM

The Muthaship: I don't care about your clothes at all. I just think it's a biatchildish to wear a jersey with some other grown man's name on it. Plus, whenever you see someone making an ass of himself at a game, there's about a 68% chance they are wearing one. reasonable to judge someone based on their choice in clothes.


Trying to help.
 
2012-08-23 11:18:05 AM

Jim from Saint Paul: 5. On behalf of Packers fans, I'm sorry. We're like you threw Cowboys fans in the FROZEN TUNDRA and gave them cheese, cognitive skills, and a public stock offering. It's just we love our team so much that you have to too, right? Right?

THIS. I don;t hate the Packers. Their fans can just be HORRIBLE though.

tl;dr-ish:

So I work most of the Vikings home game in a concession stand. I work for a non-profit organization that allows me to earn proceeds that can go tax-free to help pay for things when it comes to my daughter's dancing.

So this last Friday, I am working the game between Minnesota and Buffalo. After about 5 minutes, who do I see walking arounf? People in Packer jerseys. That's right. Week 2 PRESEASON game, Buffalo vs Minnesota, 2 hours before the game starts and they are wearing PACKER jerseys. Are they lost or something? The creme dey-la-creme was the 250lbs woman wearing the "4" Favre jersey though. That 4 stretched from back tit to back tit.


Sounds like someone is a little bitter about that overflowing Vikings trophy case
 
2012-08-23 11:22:18 AM

The Muthaship: Sorry I stepped on your widdle hero worshipping toes. Which King James jersey did you wear to bed last night anyway?


I usually stick to football jerseys or hockey sweaters because they're comfortable. Wearing a basketball jersey in public is kinda weird because wearing sleeveless shirts feels weird for me. And I have two basketball jerseys: Shawn Marion and Amare Stoudemire from their Suns days.

/Amare jersey was a stitched one that was marked down to like $20 because he changed his number that offseason
//Marion jersey was one my dad bought for me when I took him to a Suns game
///that was probably the last time I was a fan of an actual team
 
2012-08-23 11:24:24 AM

The Muthaship: Jim from Saint Paul: So if I wear a shirt from a guy who provides me entertainment, that's bad.

If I wear a pear of pants that say wrangler or Marc Ecko, that's okay?

Those sure do seem like the same thing, but let me think about it.....oh yeah, not at all. Who makes jerseys now, Reebok? Nike? The maker of the product does typically put their name on it. Then you can add Randy's name if you want.


Not sure, haven;t bought a jersey in awhile.

I guess my point is that you seem to be anti someone wearing a shirt that has a guy's name on it. I am asking if it's okay in your eys for someone to wear a shirt that may have a name brand or logo on it that is not sports related at all.
 
2012-08-23 11:27:18 AM

The Muthaship: Those sure do seem like the same thing, but let me think about it.....oh yeah, not at all.


So you'd prefer to display calvin klein or ralph lauren instead of instead of supporting a player. Whatever floats your rainbow boat, I guess.
 
2012-08-23 11:28:47 AM

onzmadi: Jim from Saint Paul: 5. On behalf of Packers fans, I'm sorry. We're like you threw Cowboys fans in the FROZEN TUNDRA and gave them cheese, cognitive skills, and a public stock offering. It's just we love our team so much that you have to too, right? Right?

THIS. I don;t hate the Packers. Their fans can just be HORRIBLE though.

tl;dr-ish:

So I work most of the Vikings home game in a concession stand. I work for a non-profit organization that allows me to earn proceeds that can go tax-free to help pay for things when it comes to my daughter's dancing.

So this last Friday, I am working the game between Minnesota and Buffalo. After about 5 minutes, who do I see walking arounf? People in Packer jerseys. That's right. Week 2 PRESEASON game, Buffalo vs Minnesota, 2 hours before the game starts and they are wearing PACKER jerseys. Are they lost or something? The creme dey-la-creme was the 250lbs woman wearing the "4" Favre jersey though. That 4 stretched from back tit to back tit.

Sounds like someone is a little bitter about that overflowing Vikings trophy case


Always bitter about that.

ALWAYS.


Anyone who say's they are a Viking fan and says they aren't are a liar.

/ I blame Denny, Randy and Gary for 98
//I blame the whole team AND the refs in OT for 09
 
2012-08-23 11:29:07 AM

Cubs300: There should be a rule at all sporting events...major league, college, w/e. You either wear gear of the teams that are playing, or you just wear everyday clothes. Children and a select group of women are exempt. This would become an actual man-law, along the same lines as wearing a jersey of a player that no longer plays for that team (I'm looking at you, guy who wore a Terrell Owens 49ers jersey to the NFC Title game last year).

For instance, I'm a Bears fan. I went to Lambeau last year with the BIL to see the Packers play Tampa Bay. I did not wear my Brian Urlacher jersey. Why? Because I'm not a douchebag, that's why. I did wear that jersey when I went to a Packers/Bears game the previous year. Why? Because I like gettting yelled at by strangers in public.


Does this apply to all the Bears fans at Soldier who wear Dick Butkus jerseys? I totally saw that when I went there in 2000 for a game.

/Urlacher had yet to be popular enough at the time
//Wore my Favre jersey and survived
///Now wear that jersey inside out when I go paintballing
////Who-hoo! My first greenlight!
 
2012-08-23 11:30:23 AM

angry_scientist: The Muthaship: Those sure do seem like the same thing, but let me think about it.....oh yeah, not at all.

So you'd prefer to display calvin klein or ralph lauren instead of instead of supporting a player. Whatever floats your rainbow boat, I guess.


And notive in my retort I canme nowhere NEAR this tone. I am trying to have civil discourse. This guy's trying to have a flame war.
 
2012-08-23 11:34:10 AM
I still have one of Jake Plummer's Rose Bowl jerseys. Greatest non-winning QB performance EVAR. I don't wear it though because it is signed. If it wasn't I would purposefully wear it to pro handball matches.
 
2012-08-23 11:36:36 AM
Moderately amusing. The one about Seattle was waaaaaay off, though, and mostly because Tarvaris Jackson is an easy target. The article blamed him for all of the team's problems, but the guy, though he may not be the world's greatest QB, came back from a torn chest muscle and kept the team somewhat in contention after Whitehurst decided he liked life better as a backup.
 
2012-08-23 11:38:48 AM

Cubs300: Jim from Saint Paul: ***snip***

There should be a rule at all sporting events...major league, college, w/e. You either wear gear of the teams that are playing, or you just wear everyday clothes. Children and a select group of women are exempt. This would become an actual man-law, along the same lines as wearing a jersey of a player that no longer plays for that team (I'm looking at you, guy who wore a Terrell Owens 49ers jersey to the NFC Title game last year).

For instance, I'm a Bears fan. I went to Lambeau last year with the BIL to see the Packers play Tampa Bay. I did not wear my Brian Urlacher jersey. Why? Because I'm not a douchebag, that's why. I did wear that jersey when I went to a Packers/Bears game the previous year. Why? Because I like gettting yelled at by strangers in public.


As I am contractually obligated to hate Cubs fans, I think you are a douche, but your comment is right on the head. You could tell the Brewers were getting popular when you started seeing more Brewers' gear than Packers' gear at Brewers games.

Also, the only comments in the article that I can actually believe came from a Packer fan is, "Well, our defense kinda sucks. So there's that" and "Because we re-signed the highly overrated world-class cockbag Jermichael Finley to keep dropping passes." The first one because it isn't trolling and the second because it does sound like a moronic Packer fan that has no clue what they are talking about. Every team has vocal moronic fans that have no clue what they are talking about though.

I did laugh at the Raider comment, too.

//Also, how are Packers fans "Unjustifiably arrogant" about the team? Sure, the 70's and 80's sucked (wasn't alive/aware to see most of it thankfully), but before that and since then, the Packers have been a pretty good team. I know this criticism is coming from a Vikings fan who is reaching, but it isn't funny or accurate.
 
2012-08-23 11:41:14 AM

Balchinian: I still have one of Jake Plummer's Rose Bowl jerseys. Greatest non-winning QB performance EVAR. I don't wear it though because it is signed. If it wasn't I would purposefully wear it to pro handball matches.


My first jersey was a Plummer Cardinals jersey.

I think the Rose Bowl one would upset me every time I wore it. :/
 
2012-08-23 11:49:48 AM

roc6783: Cubs300: Jim from Saint Paul: ***snip***

There should be a rule at all sporting events...major league, college, w/e. You either wear gear of the teams that are playing, or you just wear everyday clothes. Children and a select group of women are exempt. This would become an actual man-law, along the same lines as wearing a jersey of a player that no longer plays for that team (I'm looking at you, guy who wore a Terrell Owens 49ers jersey to the NFC Title game last year).

For instance, I'm a Bears fan. I went to Lambeau last year with the BIL to see the Packers play Tampa Bay. I did not wear my Brian Urlacher jersey. Why? Because I'm not a douchebag, that's why. I did wear that jersey when I went to a Packers/Bears game the previous year. Why? Because I like gettting yelled at by strangers in public.

As I am contractually obligated to hate Cubs fans, I think you are a douche, but your comment is right on the head. You could tell the Brewers were getting popular when you started seeing more Brewers' gear than Packers' gear at Brewers games.

Also, the only comments in the article that I can actually believe came from a Packer fan is, "Well, our defense kinda sucks. So there's that" and "Because we re-signed the highly overrated world-class cockbag Jermichael Finley to keep dropping passes." The first one because it isn't trolling and the second because it does sound like a moronic Packer fan that has no clue what they are talking about. Every team has vocal moronic fans that have no clue what they are talking about though.

I did laugh at the Raider comment, too.

//Also, how are Packers fans "Unjustifiably arrogant" about the team? Sure, the 70's and 80's sucked (wasn't alive/aware to see most of it thankfully), but before that and since then, the Packers have been a pretty good team. I know this criticism is coming from a Vikings fan who is reaching, but it isn't funny or accurate.


I consistently hear about 10+ Championships. Like anything before the SB really matters at this point. That's the only time I think they are "Unjustifiably arrogant". Like really, no one cares about your pre SB championships but ya'll.
 
2012-08-23 11:50:10 AM

angry_scientist: Whatever floats your rainbow boat, I guess.


You're wearing your favorite man's shirt, and I'm the gay one. Got it.
 
2012-08-23 11:50:54 AM

Jim from Saint Paul: onzmadi: Jim from Saint Paul: ***snip***


This call's for you.

//I will never pass up an opportunity to post that.
 
2012-08-23 11:51:23 AM

Jim from Saint Paul: And notive in my retort I canme nowhere NEAR this tone. I am trying to have civil discourse. This guy's trying to have a flame war.


Granted, the snark level may have reached 11/10, but while at work I could not phrase it much nicer. If he doesn't like sports, that's fine. A friend of mine is of the same opinion as muthaship, yet also is not into sports at all. I don't get it, it's like me saying only 'real' cowboys and cowgirls should wear cowboy hats and boots yet I have nothing to do with them.
 
2012-08-23 11:51:52 AM

Cubs300: This would become an actual man-law, along the same lines as wearing a jersey of a player that no longer plays for that team (I'm looking at you, guy who wore a Terrell Owens 49ers jersey to the NFC Title game last year).



F*ck that....I wear my Largent jersey every time I go to a Seahawks game.
 
2012-08-23 11:58:16 AM

Cubs300: This would become an actual man-law, along the same lines as wearing a jersey of a player that no longer plays for that team (I'm looking at you, guy who wore a Terrell Owens 49ers jersey to the NFC Title game last year).


Really depends on a lot of factors. If management was too cheap to keep the guy or traded him despite him not really wanting to go or he retired with the team, there's nothing wrong with that. Owens' 49ers jersey seems silly unless you're trolling Niners fans.
 
2012-08-23 11:59:46 AM

The_Sponge: Cubs300: This would become an actual man-law, along the same lines as wearing a jersey of a player that no longer plays for that team (I'm looking at you, guy who wore a Terrell Owens 49ers jersey to the NFC Title game last year).


F*ck that....I wear my Largent jersey every time I go to a Seahawks game.


so you can get the senior citizens discount?
 
2012-08-23 12:01:17 PM

Jim from Saint Paul: roc6783: Cubs300: Jim from Saint Paul: ***snip***

I consistently hear about 10+ Championships. Like anything before the SB ...


I could buy that for Browns fans, but the Packers have won 4 Super Bowls, and have made the playoffs 14 times in the last 20 years. How is thinking that they are among the best franchises in the NFL unjustified? I would say it is a good race between them and the Steelers for the top spot.
 
2012-08-23 12:08:27 PM

roc6783: I could buy that for Browns fans, but the Packers have won 4 Super Bowls, and have made the playoffs 14 times in the last 20 years. How is thinking that they are among the best franchises in the NFL unjustified? I would say it is a good race between them and the Steelers for the top spot.


Yeah, I don't bring up anything before I was born because that isn't why I'm a Packers fan. For the majority of my life they have made the playoffs and my team went nearly undefeated last year. Their offence wasn't dominant at the end of the season, but everyone is kidding themselves if they think they aren't going to do well this year or for years to come. I don't shout it from roof tops that we're good, but we're good.
 
rka
2012-08-23 12:11:43 PM

thecpt: I don't see how thats automatically douchey.


Of course you don't. Douches score quite low on the self-awareness scale.
 
2012-08-23 12:11:59 PM

The Muthaship: You're wearing your favorite man's shirt, and I'm the gay one. Got it.


I'm sorry you'd rather show support for a fashion designer than a sports team? Where do YOU draw the line? Do you also eat hot dogs from the middle because you think you'd like it too much? My 'Don't give a shiat-o-meter' is fully functioning. What if a sports fan wore a pink jersey for breast cancer awareness- like the teams did? Would you wait for that sports fan to exit the restroom before you went in to pee? Are you uncomfortable around guys who wear pink ties?
 
2012-08-23 12:16:50 PM

angry_scientist: I'm sorry you'd rather show support for a fashion designer than a sports team?


Every clothing item is made by someone. The fact that I wear something with a name on it (and by the way that name is usually something so sexy as Dockers, or Haggar) doesn't mean I am promoting them or endorsing them. It means the clothes weren't too expensive and they fit okay. I can't say the same when you buy a Reebok or Nike or whatever team jersey emblazoned with some dude's name on it.

angry_scientist: What if a sports fan wore a pink jersey for breast cancer awareness- like the teams did? Would you wait for that sports fan to exit the restroom before you went in to pee? Are you uncomfortable around guys who wear pink ties?


I'm not sure where you're going with this, it's a whole different avenue. I don't care who is taking a piss in the restroom at the stadium when I go in. I just think it's juvenile to wear a player's jersey to a game....or anywhere really.
 
2012-08-23 12:17:07 PM
When you celebrate the Packers, you're celebrating a group of people who never had the intellect or courage to leave Green Bay and actually go DO something with their lives.

So because you don't live in a major city (population > 125,000), you aren't doing anything with your lives?

As a Packer fan, I agree, a lot of our fans are douchebags, but to insult small towners is a pretty retarded thing. Especially since he is a Vikings fan (oh the irony there about douchebag fans -- see 2009), and the majority of those live in smaller towns than GB.
 
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