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(Wired)   Good news: Department of Homeland Security catches hundreds of drug smugglers, robbers, document forgers and kiddie-porn collectors ever year. Bad news: Among its own employees. Feel safer yet?   (wired.com) divider line 89
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6857 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Aug 2012 at 5:30 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-22 11:32:48 PM
Thank you once again for expanding government and the national debt, President Bush and the GOP.
 
2012-08-22 11:37:58 PM
Strangely, this is kind of a good thing. It means that DHS is actually looking internally for criminals, and not ignoring them or assuming they don't exist.
 
2012-08-22 11:40:20 PM
The DHS wants rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shiat-kickers and Methodists.
 
2012-08-22 11:49:11 PM
Ever year?
 
2012-08-23 12:02:07 AM

fusillade762: Ever year?


It's not Ever year. It's Everclear
/190 
//used to drink it with navy guys back in the 80's
 
2012-08-23 12:05:49 AM
I've been upset since I found out I have a Homeland, instead of a country.
 
2012-08-23 12:18:54 AM

Ambivalence: Strangely, this is kind of a good thing. It means that DHS is actually looking internally for criminals, and not ignoring them or assuming they don't exist.


sort of kind of
plus we can assume that they are only catching a fraction of the criminals at DHS
we should probably create a new organization which is in charge of investigating DHS. They should get bonuses based on prison time for successful prosecutions.
 
2012-08-23 12:23:14 AM

namatad: Ambivalence: Strangely, this is kind of a good thing. It means that DHS is actually looking internally for criminals, and not ignoring them or assuming they don't exist.

sort of kind of
plus we can assume that they are only catching a fraction of the criminals at DHS
we should probably create a new organization which is in charge of investigating DHS. They should get bonuses based on prison time for successful prosecutions.


I've always said assumption is the root of all error. You can't safely quantify an unknown based on assumption. Extrapolation maybe, but not assumption. If DHS caught x% of its workforce in criminal activity (on a consistant basis) that may indicate there is always x% of criminals in their workforce. (for example)
 
2012-08-23 12:24:28 AM
It is relaxing to hear that the watchers are themselves being watched.
 
2012-08-23 01:52:22 AM

namatad: we should probably create a new organization which is in charge of investigating DHS


I always thought there should be more than one police agency, and they both have the ability to arrest each other as if the other is a citizen.

Make this whole "checks and balances" thing fractal or something.
 
2012-08-23 02:02:36 AM
This sounds like some sort of cunning sting operation.
 
2012-08-23 02:13:45 AM

simplicimus: I've been upset since I found out I have a Homeland, instead of a country.


Should have gone with "Fatherland". At least that way I wouldn't get it confused with the Department of Human Services all the time.
 
2012-08-23 02:46:53 AM

fusillade762: simplicimus: I've been upset since I found out I have a Homeland, instead of a country.

Should have gone with "Fatherland". At least that way I wouldn't get it confused with the Department of Human Services all the time.


Those were the days. I remember when I first heard the name. "Homeland? Seriously? Homeland?" Now it doesn't even register as the Orwellian name it is.
 
2012-08-23 03:53:01 AM

impaler: fusillade762: simplicimus: I've been upset since I found out I have a Homeland, instead of a country.

Should have gone with "Fatherland". At least that way I wouldn't get it confused with the Department of Human Services all the time.

Those were the days. I remember when I first heard the name. "Homeland? Seriously? Homeland?" Now it doesn't even register as the Orwellian name it is.


Fatherland wouldn't work work too well. We are all immigrants or children of immigrants, except for Amer-Indians, who are also immigrants.
 
2012-08-23 04:21:03 AM

impaler: namatad: we should probably create a new organization which is in charge of investigating DHS

I always thought there should be more than one police agency, and they both have the ability to arrest each other as if the other is a citizen.
Make this whole "checks and balances" thing fractal or something.


the place which I go is somewhat related to Heinlein's Fair Witness concept. Fully fund the Public defenders departments to the needed level
1) no police officer is allowed to talk to a citizen without a Fair Witness being present ever. they wouldnt need to be a lawyer, but they would be the first line. this would include patrols and traffic stops
2) they would be recording everything that officer does 100% of the time.

sucks, but the police have proven over and over that they can never ever be trusted alone
the reduction in lawsuit settlements alone would almost fund the new program

lol
like the people with the power would ever give it up
 
2012-08-23 05:33:15 AM
318 down, 225,000 to go.
 
2012-08-23 05:40:22 AM

jake_lex: The DHS wants rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shiat-kickers and Methodists.


No gum chewers.
 
2012-08-23 05:41:14 AM
Subby, I wet my pants after 9/11. My convictions went out the window. I am willing to accept the most draconian or even worthless theater measures in stride because I love America. You don't even want to know how much I love this country and the Constitution I'm willing to subvert for it. If it weren't for liberals whining so much, we'd have a version of the TSA at every state fair, keeping our children safe.

I don't know why you hate America, but maybe you should move to Canada or something.
 
2012-08-23 05:46:58 AM

impaler: fusillade762: simplicimus: I've been upset since I found out I have a Homeland, instead of a country.

Should have gone with "Fatherland". At least that way I wouldn't get it confused with the Department of Human Services all the time.

Those were the days. I remember when I first heard the name. "Homeland? Seriously? Homeland?" Now it doesn't even register as the Orwellian name it is.


I remember having a serious case of the creeps when they named it DHS. I looked around, wondering why more people weren't alarmed by the ominous name. And I'm hardly a "wake up, sheeple" type.

Also, I wonder about the outcry had it been Obama who created "Homeland Security." Given that this is a nation that found controversy in him giving a motivational speech to elementary school children, I can't even imagine the DERPCON 1 levels of blogger patriot Fox diarrhea. As it stands, we're all pretty cool with it because hey, you were either with us or against us.
 
2012-08-23 05:50:41 AM
Good job Republicans.
 
2012-08-23 05:52:17 AM

namatad: the place which I go is somewhat related to Heinlein's Fair Witness concept. Fully fund the Public defenders departments to the needed level
1) no police officer is allowed to talk to a citizen without a Fair Witness being present ever. they wouldnt need to be a lawyer, but they would be the first line. this would include patrols and traffic stops
2) they would be recording everything that officer does 100% of the time.


Too much work.

Instead of all that bullshiat, just pay cops enough that people worth hiring want to join. Like most all things in life, 100% is not an acceptable goal. There will always be a fail point in any system.

Thus the best solution is not the one that reaches the highest percentage of success, but rather the one that reaches the highest percentage of success with the least input.

A supercalifragilisticexpialidocious automatic machine gun robot with a supercomputer hooked inside to calculate bullet trajectories and hooked directly to the Pentagon's best real time map of the battle field would be really useful for guarding bases.

Instead, we just have guys with guns in towers. They're more fallible than the robot and mistakes can and do happen. But at the end of the day they cost $0.00 to utilize because they and their rifles are already there on site and they do a pretty decent freakin' job.

Making some kind of official police policers will simply result in a giant money vacuum and reams of red tape and won't prevent incidents like that jackass on the BART platform who shot the guy in the back. All we really need to do is UP the standards required of cops and reward people who meet those standards. Just like teaching. It's not quit throwing money at it till it goes away, but throwing money at it will be a lot easier and do more good than some insanely complicated Rube Goldberg system.
 
2012-08-23 05:54:31 AM

jake_lex: The DHS wants rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shiat-kickers and Methodists.


Could you repeat that, sir?
 
2012-08-23 05:55:16 AM

simplicimus: I've been upset since I found out I have a Homeland, instead of a country.


I was pretty upset when I found out that the government of the United States, along with every state and local government, was incorporated. Then I read the legal definition of a "note" in Black's Law Dictionary, looked in my wallet, and I got even more upset. That tends to happen when you get a glimpse of the real world.
 
2012-08-23 06:20:00 AM
According to the report, a Border Patrol agent from Tucson named Yamilkar Fierros was given 20 months in prison for providing "sensor location maps, trail maps, and communications technology" to cartel members in exchange for more than $5,000 in bribes.

Gold or lead.
 
2012-08-23 06:21:27 AM

namatad: impaler: namatad: we should probably create a new organization which is in charge of investigating DHS

I always thought there should be more than one police agency, and they both have the ability to arrest each other as if the other is a citizen.
Make this whole "checks and balances" thing fractal or something.

the place which I go is somewhat related to Heinlein's Fair Witness concept. Fully fund the Public defenders departments to the needed level
1) no police officer is allowed to talk to a citizen without a Fair Witness being present ever. they wouldnt need to be a lawyer, but they would be the first line. this would include patrols and traffic stops
2) they would be recording everything that officer does 100% of the time.

sucks, but the police have proven over and over that they can never ever be trusted alone
the reduction in lawsuit settlements alone would almost fund the new program

lol
like the people with the power would ever give it up


i think that is a pretty clever idea. those who currently make a living as lawyers will make sure it never happens, supported by their clubs, groups and educators.
 
2012-08-23 06:23:04 AM

crab66: Good job Republicans.


At least Obama got them under control, and restored our liberties, when he got to office,
 
2012-08-23 06:27:06 AM

simplicimus: I've been upset since I found out I have a Homeland, instead of a country.


Yep! And Germany has a Fatherland and Russia and China call it Motherland. I wonder if there's a reason for that. Fascist Germany would think of the state as the Father, setting up rules and cracking down! Socialist/Communist Russia and China might look on the state as Mother, providing and nurturing... Or, at least, that's what the propagandists would want you to feel.

I don't know what other countries have though. Australia has Queensland, but that's not the same, is it? Maybe for Japan it's Monsterland?
 
2012-08-23 06:28:53 AM

quatchi: According to the report, a Border Patrol agent from Tucson named Yamilkar Fierros was given 20 months in prison for providing "sensor location maps, trail maps, and communications technology" to cartel members in exchange for more than $5,000 in bribes.

Gold or lead.


My first thought.
Obvious.
 
2012-08-23 06:29:42 AM
Feel safer yet?

For once, yeah. A little.
 
2012-08-23 06:32:03 AM
Of course, this is clearly impossible, since rather than contracting with private employees, we went with the more reliable government employee route.
 
2012-08-23 06:35:23 AM
Those are just the sneaky ones. The blatently obvious criminals are kept in the airports at the gates.
 
2012-08-23 06:40:10 AM

quatchi: According to the report, a Border Patrol agent from Tucson named Yamilkar Fierros was given 20 months in prison for providing "sensor location maps, trail maps, and communications technology" to cartel members in exchange for more than $5,000 in bribes.

Gold or lead.


Hamilcar? NEVER trust a Carthaginian on your border...
 
2012-08-23 06:47:02 AM

impaler: fusillade762: simplicimus: I've been upset since I found out I have a Homeland, instead of a country.

Should have gone with "Fatherland". At least that way I wouldn't get it confused with the Department of Human Services all the time.

Those were the days. I remember when I first heard the name. "Homeland? Seriously? Homeland?" Now it doesn't even register as the Orwellian name it is.


huh. I thought the same thing when I first heard that.
It still makes me nervous & I don't even live in the US of A
Sometimes I'ts good to be a disenfranchised fringe-dweller.

/the pay sucks though
 
2012-08-23 06:48:40 AM
What the fark I'm about to go to work (unlike unlike unlike) wait this isn't Facebook nvm
 
2012-08-23 06:49:37 AM
Corruption in my government? No way! #tinfoil hat
 
2012-08-23 06:51:23 AM

Dupa: crab66: Good job Republicans.

At least Obama got them under control, and restored our liberties, when he got to office,


So vote Republican.
 
2012-08-23 06:55:53 AM
Oddly, yes. Because this means they are willing to ferret out corruption where they find it.
 
2012-08-23 07:01:06 AM
The people in DHS who were arrested probably just failed to give Paulie their tribute.

/Goodfellas reference for those for whom that was obscure.
//Nothing is obscure on Fark, yeah yeah.
 
2012-08-23 07:01:06 AM
jake_lex:
The DHS wants rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shiat-kickers and Methodists.

Religious test for public service? Your joke needs SOCAT.
 
2012-08-23 07:12:01 AM

No Such Agency: jake_lex:
The DHS wants rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shiat-kickers and Methodists.

Religious test for public service? Your joke needs SOCAT.


OMG I can't even acronym properly. I has a dumb.
 
2012-08-23 07:26:56 AM
The tsa is part of dhs. Nano surprise here.
 
2012-08-23 07:34:28 AM
Don't forget this case. Putting the foxes in charge of the hen house.
 
2012-08-23 07:40:49 AM

untaken_name: simplicimus: I've been upset since I found out I have a Homeland, instead of a country.

I was pretty upset when I found out that the government of the United States, along with every state and local government, was incorporated. Then I read the legal definition of a "note" in Black's Law Dictionary, looked in my wallet, and I got even more upset. That tends to happen when you get a glimpse of the real world.



Wait til you find out about the Reptilians. it will blow your mind!
 
2012-08-23 07:41:08 AM

crab66: Dupa: crab66: Good job Republicans.

At least Obama got them under control, and restored our liberties, when he got to office,

So vote Republican.


Because we need people to continue not fixing our problems.
Oh, wait, you can get that with either party.
 
2012-08-23 07:44:16 AM
FTA "The number of arrests is going down: there were 519 arrests in 2010, compared to the 318 last year."

All that means is that they didn't catch enough perps last year. Besides, arrests don't mean shiate without a conviction.
You could be arrested and released without charge.

I'm more interested in the conviction rate than the number of arrests.

How many have been arrested/convicted so far this year?

/Go Fashaland.
 
2012-08-23 07:49:38 AM
AlwaysRightBoy

fusillade762:
Ever year?

It's not Ever year. It's Everclear
/190
//used to drink it with navy guys back in the 80's


Naw. It's "Ever hear". As in: Ever hear that we catch the drug smugglers and bad guys an' we don't even hafta leave the building!"
 
2012-08-23 07:51:28 AM
FTFA:

"A Border Patrol agent in Arizona "punched a fellow agent and threatened him with his service-issued weapon after the fellow agent joked about the excessive amount of tactical gear the [Border Patrol] routinely wore," according to the report."

profile.ak.fbcdn.net
 
2012-08-23 07:52:35 AM

simplicimus: I've been upset since I found out I have a Homeland, instead of a country.


*Squints through round glasses while wearing Nazi WWII helmet*
the term sound Verrrrrrry Interesting.
*moves palm leaf back in place*
 
2012-08-23 07:52:48 AM
Now if they could just do that with corporate and financial oversight areas. Arrest the people that turn a blind eye or are complacent in financial gymnastics in order to be rewarded with cushy "consulting" jobs in the private sector after retiring on full government pensions as reward for their service to their corporate overlords.

I can dream.
 
2012-08-23 07:55:22 AM
According to the report, a Border Patrol agent from Tucson named Yamilkar Fierros was given 20 months in prison for providing "sensor location maps, trail maps, and communications technology" to cartel members in exchange for more than $5,000 in bribes.

I believe the term "Cheap Bastard" applies. Unless those sensors move every couple of days, that information will be resold and the original briber will get his $5000 back pretty quickly. If you're gonna sell out, don't do it too low. Also have more information to sell or you will be the one the bad guys through to the wolves when it's time.
 
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