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(CNN)   Five things you should never send as text message......#5..."Your Junk". Bah, CNN, *prudes*. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED   (cnn.com) divider line 27
    More: Amusing, American Life Project, Miss Manners  
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10396 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Aug 2012 at 3:52 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-08-22 04:01:05 PM
3 votes:
i.imgur.com
2012-08-22 03:58:03 PM
3 votes:
Here's a photo of my junk:

chinesejunkboats.tripod.com
2012-08-22 12:37:54 PM
3 votes:
www.nufsaid.net
2012-08-22 04:51:01 PM
2 votes:
The Passion of My Ballsack

Once I had the most beautiful ballsack. It was flawless. Smooth and silken when pulled taught, gently ridged with perfect folds and puckers, pillow-soft and without equal. People would gather, coming from miles around to behold the majesty and wonder that was my ballsack. But the glory was fleeting, for the gods could not tolerate such perfection on a mortal such as me.

Following a routine vasectomy, an infection formed. It was tiny at first, imperceptible. But it grew, and before long had grown larger and stronger than the medicines could combat. It took on a life of its and threatened to kill me. For my once magnificent ballsack had grown to a hideous monster, the size and color of a ripe mango. The fever was nearly the death of me and as the chief urologist recoiled in horror he cried, "I'm calling the hospital, you're going there immediately. My best man is there in surgery today and he'll take you. My god, I only hope you can make it in time."

As I faded in and out of delirium, I was wheeled to the sonogram, then to pre-op, then to the OR where the surgeon bravely stood to do battle with the horror that was my ballsack.

I spent 7 days in the hospital. They performed three surgeries to exorcise the dreadful abscess which had formed in my ballsack. Drains were installed. 3 meters of gauze were packed into my ragged ballsack, only to be torn out and repacked. The agony was unbearable and I spent day after day in a haze of morphine and demerol.

I was sent home to continue to the daily gauze packing and unpacking torment, and to take intravenous antibiotics for weeks. Thirty more days passed before the wound finally closed and the gauze was no more.

My sack has regained its strength and proudly carries my testicles, but it's beauty and grace are no more. Never again will joyful throngs crowd around, waving and smiling, exchanging gifts and singing songs as they celebrate the beauty of my ballsack. No, now it is a thing of pity. The nod grimly and shake their heads, those who remember the glory days. Take heed, dear friends, and care for your own sacks lest they suffer this fate. Never again will I text a photograph of my ballsack. Never.


Selah.
2012-08-22 04:30:43 PM
2 votes:

QueenMamaBee: They come in cans????


Oblig.....

0.tqn.com
2012-08-22 04:16:41 PM
2 votes:

ChipNASA:

SecretAgentWoman


QueenMamaBee


derpy.ponychan.net
2012-08-22 04:14:18 PM
2 votes:

SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.


Like I need another woman laughing at me!
2012-08-22 04:06:54 PM
2 votes:
scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com

/except because SecretAgentWoman demanded it.
//YOU MUST give us FOLLOW UP on your E-MAIL STORM
2012-08-22 04:04:14 PM
2 votes:
JUST IN CASE ANYONE MISSED IT

i.imgur.com

/and bukkake???
2012-08-22 03:57:30 PM
2 votes:
Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.
2012-08-22 12:29:34 PM
2 votes:
i.imgur.com

/yeah, I went there.
2012-08-22 06:55:23 PM
1 votes:

SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.


So you were a Farker before that?
2012-08-22 05:26:51 PM
1 votes:

Biness: QueenMamaBee: ChipNASA: Needlessly Complicated: ChipNASA: THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works

Well, it seems to me you got trolled.


/*snert*

Seems like QueenMamaBee just opened up a WHOLE can of whoop ass penis

They come in cans????

they were put there by a man, in a factory, downtown


Millions of testes, testes for free. Millions of testes, testes for QueenMaBee.
2012-08-22 05:09:23 PM
1 votes:
I've only been a farker for like a week and I've already gotten two boobie pics and one shaved beaver pic from chicks on this site. It's like adult friend finder, with about half the members being nerd virgins and the other half being outright whores.
2012-08-22 04:41:59 PM
1 votes:
One more before I have to go.....YOU GUYS HAVE FUN!!!!!!


rhinodroppings.com
2012-08-22 04:35:21 PM
1 votes:

HulkHands: Hell, I'll text message my wang HERE

uu====D


I see it's to scale.
2012-08-22 04:33:29 PM
1 votes:

Needlessly Complicated: cletusnbrandine: active gay male here. "pictures of my junk" on my phone serve to speed the process up a lot. Why waste time?

The process of *what*? *raised eyebrow*


Speed Dating in Gay Bars?!?!?!?

cletusnbrandine:
"Hi can I buy you a drink..."

stranger:
Well maybe, I'm not sure.....

cletusnbrandine: (whips out smartphone)
"BOINGGGGG!!!"

Stranger:
" WELL HELLOOO SAILOR!!!!"

/or something like that I'm guessing....
//hetro, nttawwt
2012-08-22 04:32:25 PM
1 votes:
2012-08-22 04:31:13 PM
1 votes:

QueenMamaBee: ChipNASA: Needlessly Complicated: ChipNASA: THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works

Well, it seems to me you got trolled.


/*snert*

Seems like QueenMamaBee just opened up a WHOLE can of whoop ass penis

They come in cans????


they were put there by a man, in a factory, downtown
2012-08-22 04:19:33 PM
1 votes:
ilikeyummypie.webs.com
2012-08-22 04:06:59 PM
1 votes:

AngryJailhouseFistfark: Biness: those are balls. up close they always look like landscape, but those are balls.

I was hoping they were balls.


last time they were balls
2012-08-22 04:05:41 PM
1 votes:
i2.cdn.turner.com
I'm surprised they taught the gorilla in the accompanying photo to look like he knew how to text
2012-08-22 03:59:22 PM
1 votes:
www.1800gotjunk.com

/After all, some people should have their junk removed.
2012-08-22 03:59:03 PM
1 votes:

SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.


Your profile counter is about to collapse upon itself.
2012-08-22 03:58:56 PM
1 votes:

SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.


GAME ON!
/that smoke...it's your e-mail server exploding
2012-08-22 03:55:28 PM
1 votes:
those are balls. up close they always look like landscape, but those are balls.
2012-08-22 01:14:47 PM
1 votes:

Because People in power are Stupid: [www.nufsaid.net image 500x687]


OMG IT'S SO BIG
 
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