Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(CNN)   Five things you should never send as text message......#5..."Your Junk". Bah, CNN, *prudes*. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED   (cnn.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing, American Life Project, Miss Manners  
•       •       •

10417 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Aug 2012 at 3:52 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



140 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2012-08-22 12:29:34 PM  
i.imgur.com

/yeah, I went there.
 
2012-08-22 12:32:45 PM  
According to a Pew Research Center study that is (according to the Times) due out later this year, 6% of American adults -- that's one in 17 upstanding citizens -- has sent a nude or nearly nude (but not "never-nude") photo on a cell phone

Only 6% of adults? I'd say about 80% of teenagers have done it. Not that I've seen the pics. Ummm I'll just have a seat over there.
 
2012-08-22 12:33:26 PM  
Hell, I'll text message my wang HERE

uu====D
 
2012-08-22 12:37:54 PM  
www.nufsaid.net
 
2012-08-22 12:40:57 PM  

Walker: According to a Pew Research Center study that is (according to the Times) due out later this year, 6% of American adults -- that's one in 17 upstanding citizens -- has sent a nude or nearly nude (but not "never-nude") photo on a cell phone

Only 6% of adults? I'd say about 80% of teenagers have done it. Not that I've seen the pics. Ummm I'll just have a seat over there.



I get the feeling that political vetting is going to get really interesting over the next three decades or so.
 
2012-08-22 12:45:23 PM  

Walker: According to a Pew Research Center study that is (according to the Times) due out later this year, 6% of American adults -- that's one in 17 upstanding citizens -- has sent a nude or nearly nude (but not "never-nude") photo on a cell phone

Only 6% of adults? I'd say about 80% of teenagers have done it. Not that I've seen the pics. Ummm I'll just have a seat over there.


And 1 out of every 1 Brett Favres.
 
2012-08-22 01:14:47 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: [www.nufsaid.net image 500x687]


OMG IT'S SO BIG
 
2012-08-22 02:42:37 PM  
www.1800gotjunk.comwww.junkyardchronicle.com

/Hot and smelly like an old rotting car.
 
2012-08-22 03:54:34 PM  
Can I text a picture of my trunk?
 
2012-08-22 03:54:44 PM  

butt hole pics



the BHP will get you everytime
 
2012-08-22 03:54:55 PM  
drew curtis violates #3 several times an hour.
 
2012-08-22 03:55:28 PM  
those are balls. up close they always look like landscape, but those are balls.
 
2012-08-22 03:56:06 PM  
In which CNN lets us know it's aware of Arrested Development.
 
2012-08-22 03:56:07 PM  
deadcityradio.org
 
2012-08-22 03:56:37 PM  
"Dish has dropped IFC".
 
2012-08-22 03:57:29 PM  
Imminent harm/death threats while involved with the court system for battery would be one...
 
2012-08-22 03:57:30 PM  
Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.
 
2012-08-22 03:58:03 PM  
Here's a photo of my junk:

chinesejunkboats.tripod.com
 
2012-08-22 03:58:07 PM  
seniorsforademocraticsociety.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-08-22 03:58:26 PM  
My cousin asked me to be his best man over text, I texted back, 'maybe you should call me at least about something like that.'
 
2012-08-22 03:58:56 PM  

SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.


GAME ON!
/that smoke...it's your e-mail server exploding
 
2012-08-22 03:59:03 PM  

SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.


Your profile counter is about to collapse upon itself.
 
2012-08-22 03:59:22 PM  
www.1800gotjunk.com

/After all, some people should have their junk removed.
 
2012-08-22 04:00:38 PM  

SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.


set your phasers to stunning
 
2012-08-22 04:00:49 PM  
Guilty of #3/#4, however...
 
2012-08-22 04:01:05 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2012-08-22 04:01:55 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-08-22 04:02:22 PM  
I used to agree with #4....but sometimes you can't make a voice call due to being at work or in another situation where it'd be uncouth to make a voice call
 
2012-08-22 04:03:39 PM  

DirkTheDaring: SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.

Your profile counter is about to collapse upon itself.


So is her email box.....
 
2012-08-22 04:04:14 PM  
JUST IN CASE ANYONE MISSED IT

i.imgur.com

/and bukkake???
 
2012-08-22 04:04:37 PM  
An old FWB sent me a pic of her junk this weekend it was a nice suprise, too bad I was at my parents house when I got it.
 
2012-08-22 04:05:41 PM  
i2.cdn.turner.com
I'm surprised they taught the gorilla in the accompanying photo to look like he knew how to text
 
2012-08-22 04:06:04 PM  
I was broken up with once via text. Made sure to not respond to the regretful desperation texts 2 months later.

biatch.
 
2012-08-22 04:06:29 PM  
"Wanna buy some drugs?" strangely absent.
 
2012-08-22 04:06:35 PM  

Biness: those are balls. up close they always look like landscape, but those are balls.


I was hoping they were balls.
 
2012-08-22 04:06:39 PM  
On my phone, I have two pics of bfs face.... and probably 20 of his junk. And only his junk. Why doesn't anyone else send me junk pics??? *sob* I mean, geez, I may be a taken woman but I do like to be textually harassed at times.
 
2012-08-22 04:06:54 PM  
scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com

/except because SecretAgentWoman demanded it.
//YOU MUST give us FOLLOW UP on your E-MAIL STORM
 
2012-08-22 04:06:59 PM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark: Biness: those are balls. up close they always look like landscape, but those are balls.

I was hoping they were balls.


last time they were balls
 
2012-08-22 04:07:35 PM  

QueenMamaBee: On my phone, I have two pics of bfs face.... and probably 20 of his junk. And only his junk. Why doesn't anyone else send me junk pics??? *sob* I mean, geez, I may be a taken woman but I do like to be textually harassed at times.


.......feels like a trap.......
 
2012-08-22 04:07:48 PM  

SlagginOff: I was broken up with once via text. Made sure to not respond to the regretful desperation texts 2 months later.

biatch.


She did not take it well when I dumped her. Sorry about that.
 
2012-08-22 04:07:59 PM  

QueenMamaBee: On my phone, I have two pics of bfs face.... and probably 20 of his junk. And only his junk. Why doesn't anyone else send me junk pics??? *sob* I mean, geez, I may be a taken woman but I do like to be textually harassed at times.


THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/that would help
 
2012-08-22 04:08:48 PM  
6. (to boss) I quit!

/take this job and shove it
 
2012-08-22 04:09:31 PM  

QueenMamaBee: On my phone, I have two pics of bfs face.... and probably 20 of his junk. And only his junk. Why doesn't anyone else send me junk pics??? *sob* I mean, geez, I may be a taken woman but I do like to be textually harassed at times.


Between you and SecretAgentWoman, this thread is going to turn into a sausage fest of epic proportions.

/at work, so can't help you out
//not that it's that impressive; I'm sure you'll get better
 
2012-08-22 04:10:32 PM  

a1.ec-images.myspacecdn.com

SecretAgentWoman
QueenMamaBee


/any other farkettes want to jump on the PIE bandwagon?
 
2012-08-22 04:10:58 PM  
Since when is an MMS a 'text message'? It's entirely different.
 
2012-08-22 04:11:43 PM  

Biness: QueenMamaBee: On my phone, I have two pics of bfs face.... and probably 20 of his junk. And only his junk. Why doesn't anyone else send me junk pics??? *sob* I mean, geez, I may be a taken woman but I do like to be textually harassed at times.

.......feels like a trap.......


Not a trap, just a bored chick who likes junk.
 
2012-08-22 04:12:00 PM  

ChipNASA:

SecretAgentWoman
QueenMamaBee



3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-08-22 04:12:54 PM  

QueenMamaBee: Biness: QueenMamaBee: On my phone, I have two pics of bfs face.... and probably 20 of his junk. And only his junk. Why doesn't anyone else send me junk pics??? *sob* I mean, geez, I may be a taken woman but I do like to be textually harassed at times.

.......feels like a trap.......

Not a trap, just a bored chick who likes junk.


hmmm, are we sending this junk for nothin'?
 
2012-08-22 04:13:20 PM  

QueenMamaBee: Biness: QueenMamaBee: On my phone, I have two pics of bfs face.... and probably 20 of his junk. And only his junk. Why doesn't anyone else send me junk pics??? *sob* I mean, geez, I may be a taken woman but I do like to be textually harassed at times.

.......feels like a trap.......

Not a trap, just a bored chick who likes junk.


THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works
 
2012-08-22 04:14:13 PM  

Biness: QueenMamaBee: Biness: QueenMamaBee: On my phone, I have two pics of bfs face.... and probably 20 of his junk. And only his junk. Why doesn't anyone else send me junk pics??? *sob* I mean, geez, I may be a taken woman but I do like to be textually harassed at times.

.......feels like a trap.......

Not a trap, just a bored chick who likes junk.

hmmm, are we sending this junk for nothin'?


Um...... for the pleasure of sending it? :P
 
2012-08-22 04:14:14 PM  

ChipNASA: SecretAgentWoman
QueenMamaBee


/any other farkettes want to jump on the PIE bandwagon?


I was told there would be no math...
 
2012-08-22 04:14:18 PM  

SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.


Like I need another woman laughing at me!
 
2012-08-22 04:15:21 PM  

ChipNASA: QueenMamaBee: Biness: QueenMamaBee: On my phone, I have two pics of bfs face.... and probably 20 of his junk. And only his junk. Why doesn't anyone else send me junk pics??? *sob* I mean, geez, I may be a taken woman but I do like to be textually harassed at times.

.......feels like a trap.......

Not a trap, just a bored chick who likes junk.

THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works


nope, I'm a newbie. Sorry :(
 
2012-08-22 04:16:41 PM  

ChipNASA:

SecretAgentWoman


QueenMamaBee


derpy.ponychan.net
 
2012-08-22 04:17:48 PM  
Someone doesn't know math. If 33% have done it and 40% say they would never do it, that leaves 27% who are soulless jerks that would if they could just get someone in the sack.
 
2012-08-22 04:17:51 PM  

kisseswookies: ChipNASA: SecretAgentWoman
QueenMamaBee


/any other farkettes want to jump on the PIE bandwagon?

I was told there would be no math...


That's PI, not PIE. Although I guess you could get PI in your email too, if you asked nice.
 
2012-08-22 04:19:06 PM  
i2.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-22 04:19:33 PM  
ilikeyummypie.webs.com
 
2012-08-22 04:21:41 PM  
Email is now public, but can't check it til I get home... unless I really wanna piss off the IT guys
 
2012-08-22 04:23:07 PM  

QueenMamaBee: Email is now public, but can't check it til I get home... unless I really wanna piss off the IT guys


They will probably send something too...
 
2012-08-22 04:23:11 PM  

ChipNASA: THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works


Well, it seems to me you got trolled.


/*snert*
 
2012-08-22 04:24:03 PM  
i'm all for people texting more than they do. so i don't have to listen to them yelling their personal conversations at a cell while in public.
 
2012-08-22 04:25:46 PM  
fark you cnn! you're not the boss of me.
 
2012-08-22 04:25:55 PM  

Needlessly Complicated: ChipNASA: THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works

Well, it seems to me you got trolled.


/*snert*


Seems like QueenMamaBee just opened up a WHOLE can of whoop ass penis
 
2012-08-22 04:26:28 PM  

ChipNASA: Needlessly Complicated: ChipNASA: THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works

Well, it seems to me you got trolled.


/*snert*

Seems like QueenMamaBee just opened up a WHOLE can of whoop ass penis


Solicited Penis in Email?

SPIE?
 
2012-08-22 04:26:58 PM  

SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.


Report back your inbox contents.

I'm pretty sure you'll get mail today.
 
2012-08-22 04:27:14 PM  
active gay male here. "pictures of my junk" on my phone serve to speed the process up a lot. Why waste time?
 
2012-08-22 04:27:51 PM  

ChipNASA: Needlessly Complicated: ChipNASA: THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works

Well, it seems to me you got trolled.


/*snert*

Seems like QueenMamaBee just opened up a WHOLE can of whoop ass penis


They come in cans????
 
2012-08-22 04:27:59 PM  
I've never done any of those things. My wife sent me a picture of her boobies once, though.

That was cool... Even though I see them nearly every day anyway...
 
2012-08-22 04:28:18 PM  
cdn2.mamapop.com

You both are going to get e-boned.
 
2012-08-22 04:28:31 PM  

durbnpoisn: I've never done any of those things. My wife sent me a picture of her boobies once, though.

That was cool... Even though I see them nearly every day anyway...


yea, i do too


HEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
 
2012-08-22 04:28:59 PM  

durbnpoisn: I've never done any of those things. My wife sent me a picture of her boobies once, though.

That was cool... Even though I see them nearly every day anyway...


I think you're missing the point...
 
2012-08-22 04:29:02 PM  

cletusnbrandine: active gay male here. "pictures of my junk" on my phone serve to speed the process up a lot. Why waste time?


The process of *what*? *raised eyebrow*
 
2012-08-22 04:30:43 PM  

QueenMamaBee: They come in cans????


Oblig.....

0.tqn.com
 
2012-08-22 04:31:13 PM  

QueenMamaBee: ChipNASA: Needlessly Complicated: ChipNASA: THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works

Well, it seems to me you got trolled.


/*snert*

Seems like QueenMamaBee just opened up a WHOLE can of whoop ass penis

They come in cans????


they were put there by a man, in a factory, downtown
 
2012-08-22 04:32:03 PM  
That's funny.

I have been a recipient of a "dick in a box".... and yes, he did at least sing it for me.
 
2012-08-22 04:32:25 PM  
 
2012-08-22 04:33:29 PM  

Needlessly Complicated: cletusnbrandine: active gay male here. "pictures of my junk" on my phone serve to speed the process up a lot. Why waste time?

The process of *what*? *raised eyebrow*


Speed Dating in Gay Bars?!?!?!?

cletusnbrandine:
"Hi can I buy you a drink..."

stranger:
Well maybe, I'm not sure.....

cletusnbrandine: (whips out smartphone)
"BOINGGGGG!!!"

Stranger:
" WELL HELLOOO SAILOR!!!!"

/or something like that I'm guessing....
//hetro, nttawwt
 
2012-08-22 04:35:16 PM  

ChipNASA: Needlessly Complicated: cletusnbrandine: active gay male here. "pictures of my junk" on my phone serve to speed the process up a lot. Why waste time?

The process of *what*? *raised eyebrow*

Speed Dating in Gay Bars?!?!?!?

cletusnbrandine:
"Hi can I buy you a drink..."

stranger:
Well maybe, I'm not sure.....

cletusnbrandine: (whips out smartphone)
"BOINGGGGG!!!"

Stranger:
" WELL HELLOOO SAILOR!!!!"

/or something like that I'm guessing....
//hetro, nttawwt


more like:
"hey, wanna pound butt?"
"yes"
 
2012-08-22 04:35:21 PM  

HulkHands: Hell, I'll text message my wang HERE

uu====D


I see it's to scale.
 
2012-08-22 04:35:52 PM  

Wicked Kitty: If you haven't seen this before, 1) you're in for a treat and 2) you have a looong evening ahead of you.


Do you have a favorite color?

I just farkied you as: Linked OOTS, must find and marry this person
 
2012-08-22 04:38:50 PM  

bikerbob59: HulkHands: Hell, I'll text message my wang HERE

uu====D

I see it's to scale.


Damnit, I can't go anywhere without running into my ex.
 
2012-08-22 04:39:48 PM  

bikerbob59: HulkHands: Hell, I'll text message my wang HERE

uu====D

I see it's to scale.


i758.photobucket.com

i620.photobucket.com

i498.photobucket.com

i291.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-22 04:39:56 PM  
So THAT'S what it takes to get sponsored on Fark? PIE? I had hoped that we were a more sophisticated bunch of sarcastic a$$holes...

/guilty of PIE to wife
//Unabashedly unashamed
 
2012-08-22 04:41:59 PM  
One more before I have to go.....YOU GUYS HAVE FUN!!!!!!


rhinodroppings.com
 
2012-08-22 04:42:10 PM  

ChipNASA: Needlessly Complicated: cletusnbrandine: active gay male here. "pictures of my junk" on my phone serve to speed the process up a lot. Why waste time?

The process of *what*? *raised eyebrow*

Speed Dating in Gay Bars?!?!?!?


Well, sure, but it could be anything. For example:
-Getting a job in the adult entertainment industry
-Gettting a home/auto/boat loan approved
-Getting the exit row seat on an airplane
-Getting the Republican nomination for any office

etc.
 
2012-08-22 04:42:40 PM  

Kibbles: So THAT'S what it takes to get sponsored on Fark? PIE? I had hoped that we were a more sophisticated bunch of sarcastic a$$holes...

/guilty of PIE to wife
//Unabashedly unashamed


new here?
 
2012-08-22 04:46:04 PM  
What is more acceptable for vagina, I have seen ) ! ( and ({})
 
2012-08-22 04:49:21 PM  

Random Anonymous Blackmail: What is more acceptable for vagina, I have seen ) ! ( and ({})


Both. The former is on "her" hands and knees, that's all.
 
2012-08-22 04:51:01 PM  
The Passion of My Ballsack

Once I had the most beautiful ballsack. It was flawless. Smooth and silken when pulled taught, gently ridged with perfect folds and puckers, pillow-soft and without equal. People would gather, coming from miles around to behold the majesty and wonder that was my ballsack. But the glory was fleeting, for the gods could not tolerate such perfection on a mortal such as me.

Following a routine vasectomy, an infection formed. It was tiny at first, imperceptible. But it grew, and before long had grown larger and stronger than the medicines could combat. It took on a life of its and threatened to kill me. For my once magnificent ballsack had grown to a hideous monster, the size and color of a ripe mango. The fever was nearly the death of me and as the chief urologist recoiled in horror he cried, "I'm calling the hospital, you're going there immediately. My best man is there in surgery today and he'll take you. My god, I only hope you can make it in time."

As I faded in and out of delirium, I was wheeled to the sonogram, then to pre-op, then to the OR where the surgeon bravely stood to do battle with the horror that was my ballsack.

I spent 7 days in the hospital. They performed three surgeries to exorcise the dreadful abscess which had formed in my ballsack. Drains were installed. 3 meters of gauze were packed into my ragged ballsack, only to be torn out and repacked. The agony was unbearable and I spent day after day in a haze of morphine and demerol.

I was sent home to continue to the daily gauze packing and unpacking torment, and to take intravenous antibiotics for weeks. Thirty more days passed before the wound finally closed and the gauze was no more.

My sack has regained its strength and proudly carries my testicles, but it's beauty and grace are no more. Never again will joyful throngs crowd around, waving and smiling, exchanging gifts and singing songs as they celebrate the beauty of my ballsack. No, now it is a thing of pity. The nod grimly and shake their heads, those who remember the glory days. Take heed, dear friends, and care for your own sacks lest they suffer this fate. Never again will I text a photograph of my ballsack. Never.


Selah.
 
2012-08-22 04:56:14 PM  

DirkTheDaring: SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.

Your profile counter is about to collapse upon itself.


I believe a one of your fellow Farkettes referred what is happening to you inbox right now as a "cockalanche".
 
2012-08-22 04:56:50 PM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark: The Passion of My Ballsack

Once I had the most beautiful ballsack. It was flawless. Smooth and silken when pulled taught, gently ridged with perfect folds and puckers, pillow-soft and without equal. People would gather, coming from miles around to behold the majesty and wonder that was my ballsack. But the glory was fleeting, for the gods could not tolerate such perfection on a mortal such as me.

Following a routine vasectomy, an infection formed. It was tiny at first, imperceptible. But it grew, and before long had grown larger and stronger than the medicines could combat. It took on a life of its and threatened to kill me. For my once magnificent ballsack had grown to a hideous monster, the size and color of a ripe mango. The fever was nearly the death of me and as the chief urologist recoiled in horror he cried, "I'm calling the hospital, you're going there immediately. My best man is there in surgery today and he'll take you. My god, I only hope you can make it in time."

As I faded in and out of delirium, I was wheeled to the sonogram, then to pre-op, then to the OR where the surgeon bravely stood to do battle with the horror that was my ballsack.

I spent 7 days in the hospital. They performed three surgeries to exorcise the dreadful abscess which had formed in my ballsack. Drains were installed. 3 meters of gauze were packed into my ragged ballsack, only to be torn out and repacked. The agony was unbearable and I spent day after day in a haze of morphine and demerol.

I was sent home to continue to the daily gauze packing and unpacking torment, and to take intravenous antibiotics for weeks. Thirty more days passed before the wound finally closed and the gauze was no more.

My sack has regained its strength and proudly carries my testicles, but it's beauty and grace are no more. Never again will joyful throngs crowd around, waving and smiling, exchanging gifts and singing songs as they celebrate the beauty of my ballsack. No, now it is a thing of pity. The n ...


what. the. h.

i'm pretty sure thats the greatest thing i've ever read ever.
 
2012-08-22 05:01:26 PM  

ChipNASA: [cdn2.mamapop.com image 492x620]

You both are going to get e-boned.


"obsure?"
 
2012-08-22 05:01:33 PM  
Here's a photo of my Junkers

www.scaleworkshop.com
 
2012-08-22 05:06:33 PM  

SuperChuck: Kibbles: So THAT'S what it takes to get sponsored on Fark? PIE? I had hoped that we were a more sophisticated bunch of sarcastic a$$holes...

/guilty of PIE to wife
//Unabashedly unashamed

new here?


Not at all.. Just commenting on the social monetary currency which is "Fark"
 
2012-08-22 05:07:15 PM  

Random Anonymous Blackmail: What is more acceptable for vagina, I have seen ) ! ( and ({})


Depends. Has she had any kids?
 
2012-08-22 05:09:02 PM  

Banned on the Run: Random Anonymous Blackmail: What is more acceptable for vagina, I have seen ) ! ( and ({})

Depends. Has she had any kids?


and how good is she at wiping?
 
2012-08-22 05:09:23 PM  
I've only been a farker for like a week and I've already gotten two boobie pics and one shaved beaver pic from chicks on this site. It's like adult friend finder, with about half the members being nerd virgins and the other half being outright whores.
 
2012-08-22 05:10:25 PM  

arethereanybeernamesleft: I've only been a farker for like a week and I've already gotten two boobie pics and one shaved beaver pic from chicks on this site. It's like adult friend finder, with about half the members being nerd virgins and the other half being outright whores.


never happened to me, but i've never gone looking for it either.
 
2012-08-22 05:10:54 PM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark: The Passion of My Ballsack

Once I had the most beautiful ballsack. It was flawless. Smooth and silken when pulled taught, gently ridged with perfect folds and puckers, pillow-soft and without equal. People would gather, coming from miles around to behold the majesty and wonder that was my ballsack. But the glory was fleeting, for the gods could not tolerate such perfection on a mortal such as me.

Following a routine vasectomy, an infection formed. It was tiny at first, imperceptible. But it grew, and before long had grown larger and stronger than the medicines could combat. It took on a life of its and threatened to kill me. For my once magnificent ballsack had grown to a hideous monster, the size and color of a ripe mango. The fever was nearly the death of me and as the chief urologist recoiled in horror he cried, "I'm calling the hospital, you're going there immediately. My best man is there in surgery today and he'll take you. My god, I only hope you can make it in time."

As I faded in and out of delirium, I was wheeled to the sonogram, then to pre-op, then to the OR where the surgeon bravely stood to do battle with the horror that was my ballsack.

I spent 7 days in the hospital. They performed three surgeries to exorcise the dreadful abscess which had formed in my ballsack. Drains were installed. 3 meters of gauze were packed into my ragged ballsack, only to be torn out and repacked. The agony was unbearable and I spent day after day in a haze of morphine and demerol.

I was sent home to continue to the daily gauze packing and unpacking torment, and to take intravenous antibiotics for weeks. Thirty more days passed before the wound finally closed and the gauze was no more.

My sack has regained its strength and proudly carries my testicles, but it's beauty and grace are no more. Never again will joyful throngs crowd around, waving and smiling, exchanging gifts and singing songs as they celebrate the beauty of my ballsack. No, now it is a thing of pity. The n ...


cdn.overclock.net
 
2012-08-22 05:12:55 PM  
It's a generational thing. Got some pics of the girl I'm seeing who's 12 years younger than I, totally caught me off guard and was pleasantly surprised.
 
2012-08-22 05:16:21 PM  
Congratulation, subby, you got Your Junk in a headline.
 
2012-08-22 05:26:51 PM  

Biness: QueenMamaBee: ChipNASA: Needlessly Complicated: ChipNASA: THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works

Well, it seems to me you got trolled.


/*snert*

Seems like QueenMamaBee just opened up a WHOLE can of whoop ass penis

They come in cans????

they were put there by a man, in a factory, downtown


Millions of testes, testes for free. Millions of testes, testes for QueenMaBee.
 
2012-08-22 05:37:18 PM  

SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.


Did it ever occur to you before this thread that you wanted PIE?

/can't imagine that anyone wants PIE, except for the novelty of it.
//has there ever been a VIE thread?
 
2012-08-22 05:47:36 PM  

royone: SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.

Did it ever occur to you before this thread that you wanted PIE?

/can't imagine that anyone wants PIE, except for the novelty of it.
//has there ever been a VIE thread?


Come to think of it, old chap, I don't recall a VIE thread in my tenure with Fark. Well played.
 
2012-08-22 06:00:20 PM  

QueenMamaBee: They come in cans????


Sure, if she's open minded. Or drunk. (Or male, nttawwt.)

Zarquon's Flat Tire: Millions of testes, testes for free. Millions of testes, testes for QueenMaBee.


I just want to let you know that someone appreciated that. Thanks for the laugh.
 
2012-08-22 06:23:09 PM  

QueenMamaBee: ChipNASA: Needlessly Complicated: ChipNASA: THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works

Well, it seems to me you got trolled.


/*snert*

Seems like QueenMamaBee just opened up a WHOLE can of whoop ass penis

They come in cans????


Hey, apparently tortillas used to, so i guess anything is possible
 
2012-08-22 06:24:19 PM  

royone: SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.

Did it ever occur to you before this thread that you wanted PIE?

/can't imagine that anyone wants PIE, except for the novelty of it.
//has there ever been a VIE thread?


I have received VIE from a Farkette or 2.
 
2012-08-22 06:28:13 PM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark: The Passion of My Ballsack

Once I had the most beautiful ballsack. It was flawless. Smooth and silken when pulled taught, gently ridged with perfect folds and puckers, pillow-soft and without equal. People would gather, coming from miles around to behold the majesty and wonder that was my ballsack. But the glory was fleeting, for the gods could not tolerate such perfection on a mortal such as me.

Following a routine vasectomy, an infection formed. It was tiny at first, imperceptible. But it grew, and before long had grown larger and stronger than the medicines could combat. It took on a life of its and threatened to kill me. For my once magnificent ballsack had grown to a hideous monster, the size and color of a ripe mango. The fever was nearly the death of me and as the chief urologist recoiled in horror he cried, "I'm calling the hospital, you're going there immediately. My best man is there in surgery today and he'll take you. My god, I only hope you can make it in time."

As I faded in and out of delirium, I was wheeled to the sonogram, then to pre-op, then to the OR where the surgeon bravely stood to do battle with the horror that was my ballsack.

I spent 7 days in the hospital. They performed three surgeries to exorcise the dreadful abscess which had formed in my ballsack. Drains were installed. 3 meters of gauze were packed into my ragged ballsack, only to be torn out and repacked. The agony was unbearable and I spent day after day in a haze of morphine and demerol.

I was sent home to continue to the daily gauze packing and unpacking torment, and to take intravenous antibiotics for weeks. Thirty more days passed before the wound finally closed and the gauze was no more.

My sack has regained its strength and proudly carries my testicles, but it's beauty and grace are no more. Never again will joyful throngs crowd around, waving and smiling, exchanging gifts and singing songs as they celebrate the beauty of my ballsack. No, now it is a thing of pity. The nod grimly and shake their heads, those who remember the glory days. Take heed, dear friends, and care for your own sacks lest they suffer this fate. Never again will I text a photograph of my ballsack. Never.


Selah.


Spentmiles sockpuppet?
 
2012-08-22 06:32:30 PM  

arethereanybeernamesleft: I've only been a farker for like a week and I've already gotten two boobie pics and one shaved beaver pic from chicks on this site. It's like adult friend finder, with about half the members being nerd virgins and the other half being outright whores.


Wha?? And here I thought BIE was a myth.
 
2012-08-22 06:39:06 PM  

muzzrphochr: arethereanybeernamesleft: I've only been a farker for like a week and I've already gotten two boobie pics and one shaved beaver pic from chicks on this site. It's like adult friend finder, with about half the members being nerd virgins and the other half being outright whores.

Wha?? And here I thought BIE was a myth.


I once got sideBIE. Close enough.
 
2012-08-22 06:39:33 PM  
I got two PIEs..... yay!!!!
 
2012-08-22 06:40:26 PM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark: The Passion of My Ballsack

Once I had the most beautiful ballsack. It was flawless. Smooth and silken when pulled taught, gently ridged with perfect folds and puckers, pillow-soft and without equal. People would gather, coming from miles around to behold the majesty and wonder that was my ballsack. But the glory was fleeting, for the gods could not tolerate such perfection on a mortal such as me.

Following a routine vasectomy, an infection formed. It was tiny at first, imperceptible. But it grew, and before long had grown larger and stronger than the medicines could combat. It took on a life of its and threatened to kill me. For my once magnificent ballsack had grown to a hideous monster, the size and color of a ripe mango. The fever was nearly the death of me and as the chief urologist recoiled in horror he cried, "I'm calling the hospital, you're going there immediately. My best man is there in surgery today and he'll take you. My god, I only hope you can make it in time."

As I faded in and out of delirium, I was wheeled to the sonogram, then to pre-op, then to the OR where the surgeon bravely stood to do battle with the horror that was my ballsack.

I spent 7 days in the hospital. They performed three surgeries to exorcise the dreadful abscess which had formed in my ballsack. Drains were installed. 3 meters of gauze were packed into my ragged ballsack, only to be torn out and repacked. The agony was unbearable and I spent day after day in a haze of morphine and demerol.

I was sent home to continue to the daily gauze packing and unpacking torment, and to take intravenous antibiotics for weeks. Thirty more days passed before the wound finally closed and the gauze was no more.

My sack has regained its strength and proudly carries my testicles, but it's beauty and grace are no more. Never again will joyful throngs crowd around, waving and smiling, exchanging gifts and singing songs as they celebrate the beauty of my ballsack. No, now it is a thing of pity. The n ...


The only thing that would have made it better is an offhand mention of the inevitable 3rd testicle that protrudes after the local anesthetic if youre having your vesectomy done while awake. Thank the gods the nurse had me look down before leaving the office and telling me that "It's normal". For one brief moment, I had a marvelous, purple, third nut. The pride...It never fades...
 
2012-08-22 06:44:33 PM  

QueenMamaBee: I got two PIEs..... yay!!!!


I read that as "I got to pee...Yay" and was genuinely happy for you. Now that I've read it correctly, I feel sad for you. PIE cannot compare to BIE or VIE... Or the elusive FBSWMASIE...
 
2012-08-22 06:48:10 PM  

QueenMamaBee: I got two PIEs..... yay!!!!


C'mon Farkers, get with the program, the lady wants PIE!
 
2012-08-22 06:53:01 PM  

QueenMamaBee: I got two PIEs..... yay!!!!


Far from my preference but even PIE would make me feel special...for a moment. Pie fixes everything doesn't it?
 
2012-08-22 06:55:23 PM  

SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.


So you were a Farker before that?
 
2012-08-22 08:37:02 PM  

Kibbles: QueenMamaBee: I got two PIEs..... yay!!!!

I read that as "I got to pee...Yay" and was genuinely happy for you. Now that I've read it correctly, I feel sad for you. PIE cannot compare to BIE or VIE... Or the elusive FBSWMASIE...


I honestly can't figure out what the last one is. Front, back, sideways with mayonnaise and salt in email?

But I'm up to five PIEs. Wooooooo.
 
2012-08-22 08:52:35 PM  

QueenMamaBee: But I'm up to five PIEs.


I hope you've been reciprocating.
 
2012-08-22 09:05:42 PM  

Sybarite: Walker: According to a Pew Research Center study that is (according to the Times) due out later this year, 6% of American adults -- that's one in 17 upstanding citizens -- has sent a nude or nearly nude (but not "never-nude") photo on a cell phone

Only 6% of adults? I'd say about 80% of teenagers have done it. Not that I've seen the pics. Ummm I'll just have a seat over there.


I get the feeling that political vetting is going to get really interesting over the next three decades or so.


Either no one but the drabbest dweeb will be able to run, or it will be a complete free for all. I bet on the latter.
 
2012-08-22 09:17:43 PM  

Fano: Sybarite: Walker: According to a Pew Research Center study that is (according to the Times) due out later this year, 6% of American adults -- that's one in 17 upstanding citizens -- has sent a nude or nearly nude (but not "never-nude") photo on a cell phone

Only 6% of adults? I'd say about 80% of teenagers have done it. Not that I've seen the pics. Ummm I'll just have a seat over there.


I get the feeling that political vetting is going to get really interesting over the next three decades or so.

Either no one but the drabbest dweeb will be able to run, or it will be a complete free for all. I bet on the latter.


I have pics of a current city council candidate from Oceanside, CA wearing a moose costume and simulating receiving oral sex from a blow-up doll. The man is 48 years old. *I* might be able to get away with that as a 30-something, but to be almost 50, a candidate for public office, and have those pics come out is gonna make this election interesting.

/Thanks, Facebook!
 
2012-08-22 09:25:09 PM  
I just got caught up on the thread. I'm always late to the good ones. Also, I've always called it wie.

/eip
//just sayin....
///i know the rules...;-)
 
2012-08-22 10:05:58 PM  

GWSuperfan: QueenMamaBee: But I'm up to five PIEs.

I hope you've been reciprocating.


By sending back PIE? Ewww!

/I keed
//EIP FWIW
 
2012-08-22 10:26:52 PM  
Thanks for the wie, I've received but fark I am disappoint. :-(
 
2012-08-22 10:37:12 PM  

QueenMamaBee: Kibbles: QueenMamaBee: I got two PIEs..... yay!!!!

I read that as "I got to pee...Yay" and was genuinely happy for you. Now that I've read it correctly, I feel sad for you. PIE cannot compare to BIE or VIE... Or the elusive FBSWMASIE...

I honestly can't figure out what the last one is. Front, back, sideways with mayonnaise and salt in email?

But I'm up to five PIEs. Wooooooo.


More pie than Agent Cooper... how about some coffee?

www.upperplayground.com
 
2012-08-22 10:47:30 PM  

texas_tornado: GWSuperfan: QueenMamaBee: But I'm up to five PIEs.

I hope you've been reciprocating.

By sending back PIE? Ewww!

/I keed
//EIP FWIW


Surprisingly no one has liked my bfs junk. Go figure. Should I ask my brother to send his?

/I will reciprocate.... just feelin like absolute hell tonight
 
2012-08-22 10:59:45 PM  
Funny, I tend to get positive reactions when I send men pictures of my rack and my vagina....
 
2012-08-22 11:10:13 PM  
On my phone, I have two pics of gfs face.... and probably 20 of her junk. And only her junk. Why doesn't anyone else send me junk pics??? *sob* I mean, geez, I may not be a taken man but I do like to be textually harassed at times.
 
2012-08-22 11:32:28 PM  

Random Anonymous Blackmail: What is more acceptable for vagina, I have seen ) ! ( and ({})


(¡)
 
2012-08-23 12:16:40 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2012-08-23 12:52:22 AM  

imnotadoctor: [i.imgur.com image 570x319]


What a funny place to keep an extra pair of sox.
 
2012-08-23 01:00:14 AM  
meh ive texted my lil guy countless times and have sent out a few PIEs (solicited only but of course)
ive got no problem with showin what i got
 
2012-08-23 02:05:31 AM  

walkerhound: It's a generational thing. Got some pics of the girl I'm seeing who's 12 years younger than I, totally caught me off guard and was pleasantly surprised.


I believe that. Girls when I was younger (10 or 12 years ago) were few and far between when it came to showing their junk off. Now it seems like 18-22yr old twat is falling from the sky. Not that I'm a prude or that it's bad in some way. It's just more prevalent and I guess accepted. Which is great.
 
2012-08-23 06:42:24 AM  

imnotadoctor: [i.imgur.com image 570x319]


Is that Anthony Weiner's... um, weiner?
 
2012-08-23 08:46:45 AM  

MeanJean: Funny, I tend to get positive reactions when I send men pictures of my rack and my vagina....


pssh - i'll be the judge of that!

/eip
 
2012-08-23 08:57:12 AM  

farkin_noob: Thanks for the wie, I've received but fark I am disappoint. :-(


I was in the pool!!
 
2012-08-23 08:57:23 AM  
On my phone, I have two pics of exgfs face.... and probably 20 of her junk. And only her junk. Why doesn't anyone else send me junk pics??? *sob* I mean, geez, I may not be a taken man but I do like to be textually harassed at times.
 
2012-08-23 09:59:23 AM  

Bullseyed: On my phone, I have two pics of exgfs face.... and probably 20 of her junk. And only her junk. Why doesn't anyone else send me junk pics??? *sob* I mean, geez, I may not be a taken man but I do like to be textually harassed at times.


Unoriginal..... I like it. :)
 
2012-08-23 01:17:43 PM  

Boeheimian Rhapsody: MeanJean: Funny, I tend to get positive reactions when I send men pictures of my rack and my vagina....

pssh - i'll be the judge of that!

/eip


Me too.
 
2012-08-23 05:15:02 PM  

MarkEC: royone: SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.

Did it ever occur to you before this thread that you wanted PIE?

/can't imagine that anyone wants PIE, except for the novelty of it.
//has there ever been a VIE thread?

I have received VIE from a Farkette or 2.


Yep me too. Always nice to get more though.

I have sent txt of my junk and I have also emailed pictures of it. I am happy with it and do not really care if it gets out all over the internet. If I was walking down the street and someone want to have a look I would show them and I have done that before too though it was in a bar.
 
Displayed 140 of 140 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter








In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report