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(CNN)   Five things you should never send as text message......#5..."Your Junk". Bah, CNN, *prudes*. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED   (cnn.com) divider line 140
    More: Amusing, American Life Project, Miss Manners  
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10396 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Aug 2012 at 3:52 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-22 05:12:55 PM
It's a generational thing. Got some pics of the girl I'm seeing who's 12 years younger than I, totally caught me off guard and was pleasantly surprised.
 
2012-08-22 05:16:21 PM
Congratulation, subby, you got Your Junk in a headline.
 
2012-08-22 05:26:51 PM

Biness: QueenMamaBee: ChipNASA: Needlessly Complicated: ChipNASA: THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works

Well, it seems to me you got trolled.


/*snert*

Seems like QueenMamaBee just opened up a WHOLE can of whoop ass penis

They come in cans????

they were put there by a man, in a factory, downtown


Millions of testes, testes for free. Millions of testes, testes for QueenMaBee.
 
2012-08-22 05:37:18 PM

SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.


Did it ever occur to you before this thread that you wanted PIE?

/can't imagine that anyone wants PIE, except for the novelty of it.
//has there ever been a VIE thread?
 
2012-08-22 05:47:36 PM

royone: SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.

Did it ever occur to you before this thread that you wanted PIE?

/can't imagine that anyone wants PIE, except for the novelty of it.
//has there ever been a VIE thread?


Come to think of it, old chap, I don't recall a VIE thread in my tenure with Fark. Well played.
 
2012-08-22 06:00:20 PM

QueenMamaBee: They come in cans????


Sure, if she's open minded. Or drunk. (Or male, nttawwt.)

Zarquon's Flat Tire: Millions of testes, testes for free. Millions of testes, testes for QueenMaBee.


I just want to let you know that someone appreciated that. Thanks for the laugh.
 
2012-08-22 06:23:09 PM

QueenMamaBee: ChipNASA: Needlessly Complicated: ChipNASA: THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works

Well, it seems to me you got trolled.


/*snert*

Seems like QueenMamaBee just opened up a WHOLE can of whoop ass penis

They come in cans????


Hey, apparently tortillas used to, so i guess anything is possible
 
2012-08-22 06:24:19 PM

royone: SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.

Did it ever occur to you before this thread that you wanted PIE?

/can't imagine that anyone wants PIE, except for the novelty of it.
//has there ever been a VIE thread?


I have received VIE from a Farkette or 2.
 
2012-08-22 06:28:13 PM

AngryJailhouseFistfark: The Passion of My Ballsack

Once I had the most beautiful ballsack. It was flawless. Smooth and silken when pulled taught, gently ridged with perfect folds and puckers, pillow-soft and without equal. People would gather, coming from miles around to behold the majesty and wonder that was my ballsack. But the glory was fleeting, for the gods could not tolerate such perfection on a mortal such as me.

Following a routine vasectomy, an infection formed. It was tiny at first, imperceptible. But it grew, and before long had grown larger and stronger than the medicines could combat. It took on a life of its and threatened to kill me. For my once magnificent ballsack had grown to a hideous monster, the size and color of a ripe mango. The fever was nearly the death of me and as the chief urologist recoiled in horror he cried, "I'm calling the hospital, you're going there immediately. My best man is there in surgery today and he'll take you. My god, I only hope you can make it in time."

As I faded in and out of delirium, I was wheeled to the sonogram, then to pre-op, then to the OR where the surgeon bravely stood to do battle with the horror that was my ballsack.

I spent 7 days in the hospital. They performed three surgeries to exorcise the dreadful abscess which had formed in my ballsack. Drains were installed. 3 meters of gauze were packed into my ragged ballsack, only to be torn out and repacked. The agony was unbearable and I spent day after day in a haze of morphine and demerol.

I was sent home to continue to the daily gauze packing and unpacking torment, and to take intravenous antibiotics for weeks. Thirty more days passed before the wound finally closed and the gauze was no more.

My sack has regained its strength and proudly carries my testicles, but it's beauty and grace are no more. Never again will joyful throngs crowd around, waving and smiling, exchanging gifts and singing songs as they celebrate the beauty of my ballsack. No, now it is a thing of pity. The nod grimly and shake their heads, those who remember the glory days. Take heed, dear friends, and care for your own sacks lest they suffer this fate. Never again will I text a photograph of my ballsack. Never.


Selah.


Spentmiles sockpuppet?
 
2012-08-22 06:32:30 PM

arethereanybeernamesleft: I've only been a farker for like a week and I've already gotten two boobie pics and one shaved beaver pic from chicks on this site. It's like adult friend finder, with about half the members being nerd virgins and the other half being outright whores.


Wha?? And here I thought BIE was a myth.
 
2012-08-22 06:39:06 PM

muzzrphochr: arethereanybeernamesleft: I've only been a farker for like a week and I've already gotten two boobie pics and one shaved beaver pic from chicks on this site. It's like adult friend finder, with about half the members being nerd virgins and the other half being outright whores.

Wha?? And here I thought BIE was a myth.


I once got sideBIE. Close enough.
 
2012-08-22 06:39:33 PM
I got two PIEs..... yay!!!!
 
2012-08-22 06:40:26 PM

AngryJailhouseFistfark: The Passion of My Ballsack

Once I had the most beautiful ballsack. It was flawless. Smooth and silken when pulled taught, gently ridged with perfect folds and puckers, pillow-soft and without equal. People would gather, coming from miles around to behold the majesty and wonder that was my ballsack. But the glory was fleeting, for the gods could not tolerate such perfection on a mortal such as me.

Following a routine vasectomy, an infection formed. It was tiny at first, imperceptible. But it grew, and before long had grown larger and stronger than the medicines could combat. It took on a life of its and threatened to kill me. For my once magnificent ballsack had grown to a hideous monster, the size and color of a ripe mango. The fever was nearly the death of me and as the chief urologist recoiled in horror he cried, "I'm calling the hospital, you're going there immediately. My best man is there in surgery today and he'll take you. My god, I only hope you can make it in time."

As I faded in and out of delirium, I was wheeled to the sonogram, then to pre-op, then to the OR where the surgeon bravely stood to do battle with the horror that was my ballsack.

I spent 7 days in the hospital. They performed three surgeries to exorcise the dreadful abscess which had formed in my ballsack. Drains were installed. 3 meters of gauze were packed into my ragged ballsack, only to be torn out and repacked. The agony was unbearable and I spent day after day in a haze of morphine and demerol.

I was sent home to continue to the daily gauze packing and unpacking torment, and to take intravenous antibiotics for weeks. Thirty more days passed before the wound finally closed and the gauze was no more.

My sack has regained its strength and proudly carries my testicles, but it's beauty and grace are no more. Never again will joyful throngs crowd around, waving and smiling, exchanging gifts and singing songs as they celebrate the beauty of my ballsack. No, now it is a thing of pity. The n ...


The only thing that would have made it better is an offhand mention of the inevitable 3rd testicle that protrudes after the local anesthetic if youre having your vesectomy done while awake. Thank the gods the nurse had me look down before leaving the office and telling me that "It's normal". For one brief moment, I had a marvelous, purple, third nut. The pride...It never fades...
 
2012-08-22 06:44:33 PM

QueenMamaBee: I got two PIEs..... yay!!!!


I read that as "I got to pee...Yay" and was genuinely happy for you. Now that I've read it correctly, I feel sad for you. PIE cannot compare to BIE or VIE... Or the elusive FBSWMASIE...
 
2012-08-22 06:48:10 PM

QueenMamaBee: I got two PIEs..... yay!!!!


C'mon Farkers, get with the program, the lady wants PIE!
 
2012-08-22 06:53:01 PM

QueenMamaBee: I got two PIEs..... yay!!!!


Far from my preference but even PIE would make me feel special...for a moment. Pie fixes everything doesn't it?
 
2012-08-22 06:55:23 PM

SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.


So you were a Farker before that?
 
2012-08-22 08:37:02 PM

Kibbles: QueenMamaBee: I got two PIEs..... yay!!!!

I read that as "I got to pee...Yay" and was genuinely happy for you. Now that I've read it correctly, I feel sad for you. PIE cannot compare to BIE or VIE... Or the elusive FBSWMASIE...


I honestly can't figure out what the last one is. Front, back, sideways with mayonnaise and salt in email?

But I'm up to five PIEs. Wooooooo.
 
2012-08-22 08:52:35 PM

QueenMamaBee: But I'm up to five PIEs.


I hope you've been reciprocating.
 
2012-08-22 09:05:42 PM

Sybarite: Walker: According to a Pew Research Center study that is (according to the Times) due out later this year, 6% of American adults -- that's one in 17 upstanding citizens -- has sent a nude or nearly nude (but not "never-nude") photo on a cell phone

Only 6% of adults? I'd say about 80% of teenagers have done it. Not that I've seen the pics. Ummm I'll just have a seat over there.


I get the feeling that political vetting is going to get really interesting over the next three decades or so.


Either no one but the drabbest dweeb will be able to run, or it will be a complete free for all. I bet on the latter.
 
2012-08-22 09:17:43 PM

Fano: Sybarite: Walker: According to a Pew Research Center study that is (according to the Times) due out later this year, 6% of American adults -- that's one in 17 upstanding citizens -- has sent a nude or nearly nude (but not "never-nude") photo on a cell phone

Only 6% of adults? I'd say about 80% of teenagers have done it. Not that I've seen the pics. Ummm I'll just have a seat over there.


I get the feeling that political vetting is going to get really interesting over the next three decades or so.

Either no one but the drabbest dweeb will be able to run, or it will be a complete free for all. I bet on the latter.


I have pics of a current city council candidate from Oceanside, CA wearing a moose costume and simulating receiving oral sex from a blow-up doll. The man is 48 years old. *I* might be able to get away with that as a 30-something, but to be almost 50, a candidate for public office, and have those pics come out is gonna make this election interesting.

/Thanks, Facebook!
 
2012-08-22 09:25:09 PM
I just got caught up on the thread. I'm always late to the good ones. Also, I've always called it wie.

/eip
//just sayin....
///i know the rules...;-)
 
2012-08-22 10:05:58 PM

GWSuperfan: QueenMamaBee: But I'm up to five PIEs.

I hope you've been reciprocating.


By sending back PIE? Ewww!

/I keed
//EIP FWIW
 
2012-08-22 10:26:52 PM
Thanks for the wie, I've received but fark I am disappoint. :-(
 
2012-08-22 10:37:12 PM

QueenMamaBee: Kibbles: QueenMamaBee: I got two PIEs..... yay!!!!

I read that as "I got to pee...Yay" and was genuinely happy for you. Now that I've read it correctly, I feel sad for you. PIE cannot compare to BIE or VIE... Or the elusive FBSWMASIE...

I honestly can't figure out what the last one is. Front, back, sideways with mayonnaise and salt in email?

But I'm up to five PIEs. Wooooooo.


More pie than Agent Cooper... how about some coffee?

www.upperplayground.com
 
2012-08-22 10:47:30 PM

texas_tornado: GWSuperfan: QueenMamaBee: But I'm up to five PIEs.

I hope you've been reciprocating.

By sending back PIE? Ewww!

/I keed
//EIP FWIW


Surprisingly no one has liked my bfs junk. Go figure. Should I ask my brother to send his?

/I will reciprocate.... just feelin like absolute hell tonight
 
2012-08-22 10:59:45 PM
Funny, I tend to get positive reactions when I send men pictures of my rack and my vagina....
 
2012-08-22 11:10:13 PM
On my phone, I have two pics of gfs face.... and probably 20 of her junk. And only her junk. Why doesn't anyone else send me junk pics??? *sob* I mean, geez, I may not be a taken man but I do like to be textually harassed at times.
 
2012-08-22 11:32:28 PM

Random Anonymous Blackmail: What is more acceptable for vagina, I have seen ) ! ( and ({})


(¡)
 
2012-08-23 12:16:40 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2012-08-23 12:52:22 AM

imnotadoctor: [i.imgur.com image 570x319]


What a funny place to keep an extra pair of sox.
 
2012-08-23 01:00:14 AM
meh ive texted my lil guy countless times and have sent out a few PIEs (solicited only but of course)
ive got no problem with showin what i got
 
2012-08-23 02:05:31 AM

walkerhound: It's a generational thing. Got some pics of the girl I'm seeing who's 12 years younger than I, totally caught me off guard and was pleasantly surprised.


I believe that. Girls when I was younger (10 or 12 years ago) were few and far between when it came to showing their junk off. Now it seems like 18-22yr old twat is falling from the sky. Not that I'm a prude or that it's bad in some way. It's just more prevalent and I guess accepted. Which is great.
 
2012-08-23 06:42:24 AM

imnotadoctor: [i.imgur.com image 570x319]


Is that Anthony Weiner's... um, weiner?
 
2012-08-23 08:46:45 AM

MeanJean: Funny, I tend to get positive reactions when I send men pictures of my rack and my vagina....


pssh - i'll be the judge of that!

/eip
 
2012-08-23 08:57:12 AM

farkin_noob: Thanks for the wie, I've received but fark I am disappoint. :-(


I was in the pool!!
 
2012-08-23 08:57:23 AM
On my phone, I have two pics of exgfs face.... and probably 20 of her junk. And only her junk. Why doesn't anyone else send me junk pics??? *sob* I mean, geez, I may not be a taken man but I do like to be textually harassed at times.
 
2012-08-23 09:59:23 AM

Bullseyed: On my phone, I have two pics of exgfs face.... and probably 20 of her junk. And only her junk. Why doesn't anyone else send me junk pics??? *sob* I mean, geez, I may not be a taken man but I do like to be textually harassed at times.


Unoriginal..... I like it. :)
 
2012-08-23 01:17:43 PM

Boeheimian Rhapsody: MeanJean: Funny, I tend to get positive reactions when I send men pictures of my rack and my vagina....

pssh - i'll be the judge of that!

/eip


Me too.
 
2012-08-23 05:15:02 PM

MarkEC: royone: SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.

Did it ever occur to you before this thread that you wanted PIE?

/can't imagine that anyone wants PIE, except for the novelty of it.
//has there ever been a VIE thread?

I have received VIE from a Farkette or 2.


Yep me too. Always nice to get more though.

I have sent txt of my junk and I have also emailed pictures of it. I am happy with it and do not really care if it gets out all over the internet. If I was walking down the street and someone want to have a look I would show them and I have done that before too though it was in a bar.
 
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