If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(CNN)   Five things you should never send as text message......#5..."Your Junk". Bah, CNN, *prudes*. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED   (cnn.com) divider line 140
    More: Amusing, American Life Project, Miss Manners  
•       •       •

10399 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Aug 2012 at 3:52 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



140 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-08-22 04:14:14 PM

ChipNASA: SecretAgentWoman
QueenMamaBee


/any other farkettes want to jump on the PIE bandwagon?


I was told there would be no math...
 
2012-08-22 04:14:18 PM

SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.


Like I need another woman laughing at me!
 
2012-08-22 04:15:21 PM

ChipNASA: QueenMamaBee: Biness: QueenMamaBee: On my phone, I have two pics of bfs face.... and probably 20 of his junk. And only his junk. Why doesn't anyone else send me junk pics??? *sob* I mean, geez, I may be a taken woman but I do like to be textually harassed at times.

.......feels like a trap.......

Not a trap, just a bored chick who likes junk.

THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works


nope, I'm a newbie. Sorry :(
 
2012-08-22 04:16:41 PM

ChipNASA:

SecretAgentWoman


QueenMamaBee


derpy.ponychan.net
 
2012-08-22 04:17:48 PM
Someone doesn't know math. If 33% have done it and 40% say they would never do it, that leaves 27% who are soulless jerks that would if they could just get someone in the sack.
 
2012-08-22 04:17:51 PM

kisseswookies: ChipNASA: SecretAgentWoman
QueenMamaBee


/any other farkettes want to jump on the PIE bandwagon?

I was told there would be no math...


That's PI, not PIE. Although I guess you could get PI in your email too, if you asked nice.
 
2012-08-22 04:19:06 PM
i2.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-22 04:19:33 PM
ilikeyummypie.webs.com
 
2012-08-22 04:21:41 PM
Email is now public, but can't check it til I get home... unless I really wanna piss off the IT guys
 
2012-08-22 04:23:07 PM

QueenMamaBee: Email is now public, but can't check it til I get home... unless I really wanna piss off the IT guys


They will probably send something too...
 
2012-08-22 04:23:11 PM

ChipNASA: THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works


Well, it seems to me you got trolled.


/*snert*
 
2012-08-22 04:24:03 PM
i'm all for people texting more than they do. so i don't have to listen to them yelling their personal conversations at a cell while in public.
 
2012-08-22 04:25:46 PM
fark you cnn! you're not the boss of me.
 
2012-08-22 04:25:55 PM

Needlessly Complicated: ChipNASA: THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works

Well, it seems to me you got trolled.


/*snert*


Seems like QueenMamaBee just opened up a WHOLE can of whoop ass penis
 
2012-08-22 04:26:28 PM

ChipNASA: Needlessly Complicated: ChipNASA: THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works

Well, it seems to me you got trolled.


/*snert*

Seems like QueenMamaBee just opened up a WHOLE can of whoop ass penis


Solicited Penis in Email?

SPIE?
 
2012-08-22 04:26:58 PM

SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.


Report back your inbox contents.

I'm pretty sure you'll get mail today.
 
2012-08-22 04:27:14 PM
active gay male here. "pictures of my junk" on my phone serve to speed the process up a lot. Why waste time?
 
2012-08-22 04:27:51 PM

ChipNASA: Needlessly Complicated: ChipNASA: THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works

Well, it seems to me you got trolled.


/*snert*

Seems like QueenMamaBee just opened up a WHOLE can of whoop ass penis


They come in cans????
 
2012-08-22 04:27:59 PM
I've never done any of those things. My wife sent me a picture of her boobies once, though.

That was cool... Even though I see them nearly every day anyway...
 
2012-08-22 04:28:18 PM
cdn2.mamapop.com

You both are going to get e-boned.
 
2012-08-22 04:28:31 PM

durbnpoisn: I've never done any of those things. My wife sent me a picture of her boobies once, though.

That was cool... Even though I see them nearly every day anyway...


yea, i do too


HEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
 
2012-08-22 04:28:59 PM

durbnpoisn: I've never done any of those things. My wife sent me a picture of her boobies once, though.

That was cool... Even though I see them nearly every day anyway...


I think you're missing the point...
 
2012-08-22 04:29:02 PM

cletusnbrandine: active gay male here. "pictures of my junk" on my phone serve to speed the process up a lot. Why waste time?


The process of *what*? *raised eyebrow*
 
2012-08-22 04:30:43 PM

QueenMamaBee: They come in cans????


Oblig.....

0.tqn.com
 
2012-08-22 04:31:13 PM

QueenMamaBee: ChipNASA: Needlessly Complicated: ChipNASA: THERE IS NO E-MAIL IN YOUR PROFILE!!!

/just in case you don't get how P.I.E. works

Well, it seems to me you got trolled.


/*snert*

Seems like QueenMamaBee just opened up a WHOLE can of whoop ass penis

They come in cans????


they were put there by a man, in a factory, downtown
 
2012-08-22 04:32:03 PM
That's funny.

I have been a recipient of a "dick in a box".... and yes, he did at least sing it for me.
 
2012-08-22 04:32:25 PM
 
2012-08-22 04:33:29 PM

Needlessly Complicated: cletusnbrandine: active gay male here. "pictures of my junk" on my phone serve to speed the process up a lot. Why waste time?

The process of *what*? *raised eyebrow*


Speed Dating in Gay Bars?!?!?!?

cletusnbrandine:
"Hi can I buy you a drink..."

stranger:
Well maybe, I'm not sure.....

cletusnbrandine: (whips out smartphone)
"BOINGGGGG!!!"

Stranger:
" WELL HELLOOO SAILOR!!!!"

/or something like that I'm guessing....
//hetro, nttawwt
 
2012-08-22 04:35:16 PM

ChipNASA: Needlessly Complicated: cletusnbrandine: active gay male here. "pictures of my junk" on my phone serve to speed the process up a lot. Why waste time?

The process of *what*? *raised eyebrow*

Speed Dating in Gay Bars?!?!?!?

cletusnbrandine:
"Hi can I buy you a drink..."

stranger:
Well maybe, I'm not sure.....

cletusnbrandine: (whips out smartphone)
"BOINGGGGG!!!"

Stranger:
" WELL HELLOOO SAILOR!!!!"

/or something like that I'm guessing....
//hetro, nttawwt


more like:
"hey, wanna pound butt?"
"yes"
 
2012-08-22 04:35:21 PM

HulkHands: Hell, I'll text message my wang HERE

uu====D


I see it's to scale.
 
2012-08-22 04:35:52 PM

Wicked Kitty: If you haven't seen this before, 1) you're in for a treat and 2) you have a looong evening ahead of you.


Do you have a favorite color?

I just farkied you as: Linked OOTS, must find and marry this person
 
2012-08-22 04:38:50 PM

bikerbob59: HulkHands: Hell, I'll text message my wang HERE

uu====D

I see it's to scale.


Damnit, I can't go anywhere without running into my ex.
 
2012-08-22 04:39:48 PM

bikerbob59: HulkHands: Hell, I'll text message my wang HERE

uu====D

I see it's to scale.


i758.photobucket.com

i620.photobucket.com

i498.photobucket.com

i291.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-22 04:39:56 PM
So THAT'S what it takes to get sponsored on Fark? PIE? I had hoped that we were a more sophisticated bunch of sarcastic a$$holes...

/guilty of PIE to wife
//Unabashedly unashamed
 
2012-08-22 04:41:59 PM
One more before I have to go.....YOU GUYS HAVE FUN!!!!!!


rhinodroppings.com
 
2012-08-22 04:42:10 PM

ChipNASA: Needlessly Complicated: cletusnbrandine: active gay male here. "pictures of my junk" on my phone serve to speed the process up a lot. Why waste time?

The process of *what*? *raised eyebrow*

Speed Dating in Gay Bars?!?!?!?


Well, sure, but it could be anything. For example:
-Getting a job in the adult entertainment industry
-Gettting a home/auto/boat loan approved
-Getting the exit row seat on an airplane
-Getting the Republican nomination for any office

etc.
 
2012-08-22 04:42:40 PM

Kibbles: So THAT'S what it takes to get sponsored on Fark? PIE? I had hoped that we were a more sophisticated bunch of sarcastic a$$holes...

/guilty of PIE to wife
//Unabashedly unashamed


new here?
 
2012-08-22 04:46:04 PM
What is more acceptable for vagina, I have seen ) ! ( and ({})
 
2012-08-22 04:49:21 PM

Random Anonymous Blackmail: What is more acceptable for vagina, I have seen ) ! ( and ({})


Both. The former is on "her" hands and knees, that's all.
 
2012-08-22 04:51:01 PM
The Passion of My Ballsack

Once I had the most beautiful ballsack. It was flawless. Smooth and silken when pulled taught, gently ridged with perfect folds and puckers, pillow-soft and without equal. People would gather, coming from miles around to behold the majesty and wonder that was my ballsack. But the glory was fleeting, for the gods could not tolerate such perfection on a mortal such as me.

Following a routine vasectomy, an infection formed. It was tiny at first, imperceptible. But it grew, and before long had grown larger and stronger than the medicines could combat. It took on a life of its and threatened to kill me. For my once magnificent ballsack had grown to a hideous monster, the size and color of a ripe mango. The fever was nearly the death of me and as the chief urologist recoiled in horror he cried, "I'm calling the hospital, you're going there immediately. My best man is there in surgery today and he'll take you. My god, I only hope you can make it in time."

As I faded in and out of delirium, I was wheeled to the sonogram, then to pre-op, then to the OR where the surgeon bravely stood to do battle with the horror that was my ballsack.

I spent 7 days in the hospital. They performed three surgeries to exorcise the dreadful abscess which had formed in my ballsack. Drains were installed. 3 meters of gauze were packed into my ragged ballsack, only to be torn out and repacked. The agony was unbearable and I spent day after day in a haze of morphine and demerol.

I was sent home to continue to the daily gauze packing and unpacking torment, and to take intravenous antibiotics for weeks. Thirty more days passed before the wound finally closed and the gauze was no more.

My sack has regained its strength and proudly carries my testicles, but it's beauty and grace are no more. Never again will joyful throngs crowd around, waving and smiling, exchanging gifts and singing songs as they celebrate the beauty of my ballsack. No, now it is a thing of pity. The nod grimly and shake their heads, those who remember the glory days. Take heed, dear friends, and care for your own sacks lest they suffer this fate. Never again will I text a photograph of my ballsack. Never.


Selah.
 
2012-08-22 04:56:14 PM

DirkTheDaring: SecretAgentWoman: Email in profile.

/just saying
//nearly 10 years as a Farkette, never got any PIE.

Your profile counter is about to collapse upon itself.


I believe a one of your fellow Farkettes referred what is happening to you inbox right now as a "cockalanche".
 
2012-08-22 04:56:50 PM

AngryJailhouseFistfark: The Passion of My Ballsack

Once I had the most beautiful ballsack. It was flawless. Smooth and silken when pulled taught, gently ridged with perfect folds and puckers, pillow-soft and without equal. People would gather, coming from miles around to behold the majesty and wonder that was my ballsack. But the glory was fleeting, for the gods could not tolerate such perfection on a mortal such as me.

Following a routine vasectomy, an infection formed. It was tiny at first, imperceptible. But it grew, and before long had grown larger and stronger than the medicines could combat. It took on a life of its and threatened to kill me. For my once magnificent ballsack had grown to a hideous monster, the size and color of a ripe mango. The fever was nearly the death of me and as the chief urologist recoiled in horror he cried, "I'm calling the hospital, you're going there immediately. My best man is there in surgery today and he'll take you. My god, I only hope you can make it in time."

As I faded in and out of delirium, I was wheeled to the sonogram, then to pre-op, then to the OR where the surgeon bravely stood to do battle with the horror that was my ballsack.

I spent 7 days in the hospital. They performed three surgeries to exorcise the dreadful abscess which had formed in my ballsack. Drains were installed. 3 meters of gauze were packed into my ragged ballsack, only to be torn out and repacked. The agony was unbearable and I spent day after day in a haze of morphine and demerol.

I was sent home to continue to the daily gauze packing and unpacking torment, and to take intravenous antibiotics for weeks. Thirty more days passed before the wound finally closed and the gauze was no more.

My sack has regained its strength and proudly carries my testicles, but it's beauty and grace are no more. Never again will joyful throngs crowd around, waving and smiling, exchanging gifts and singing songs as they celebrate the beauty of my ballsack. No, now it is a thing of pity. The n ...


what. the. h.

i'm pretty sure thats the greatest thing i've ever read ever.
 
2012-08-22 05:01:26 PM

ChipNASA: [cdn2.mamapop.com image 492x620]

You both are going to get e-boned.


"obsure?"
 
2012-08-22 05:01:33 PM
Here's a photo of my Junkers

www.scaleworkshop.com
 
2012-08-22 05:06:33 PM

SuperChuck: Kibbles: So THAT'S what it takes to get sponsored on Fark? PIE? I had hoped that we were a more sophisticated bunch of sarcastic a$$holes...

/guilty of PIE to wife
//Unabashedly unashamed

new here?


Not at all.. Just commenting on the social monetary currency which is "Fark"
 
2012-08-22 05:07:15 PM

Random Anonymous Blackmail: What is more acceptable for vagina, I have seen ) ! ( and ({})


Depends. Has she had any kids?
 
2012-08-22 05:09:02 PM

Banned on the Run: Random Anonymous Blackmail: What is more acceptable for vagina, I have seen ) ! ( and ({})

Depends. Has she had any kids?


and how good is she at wiping?
 
2012-08-22 05:09:23 PM
I've only been a farker for like a week and I've already gotten two boobie pics and one shaved beaver pic from chicks on this site. It's like adult friend finder, with about half the members being nerd virgins and the other half being outright whores.
 
2012-08-22 05:10:25 PM

arethereanybeernamesleft: I've only been a farker for like a week and I've already gotten two boobie pics and one shaved beaver pic from chicks on this site. It's like adult friend finder, with about half the members being nerd virgins and the other half being outright whores.


never happened to me, but i've never gone looking for it either.
 
2012-08-22 05:10:54 PM

AngryJailhouseFistfark: The Passion of My Ballsack

Once I had the most beautiful ballsack. It was flawless. Smooth and silken when pulled taught, gently ridged with perfect folds and puckers, pillow-soft and without equal. People would gather, coming from miles around to behold the majesty and wonder that was my ballsack. But the glory was fleeting, for the gods could not tolerate such perfection on a mortal such as me.

Following a routine vasectomy, an infection formed. It was tiny at first, imperceptible. But it grew, and before long had grown larger and stronger than the medicines could combat. It took on a life of its and threatened to kill me. For my once magnificent ballsack had grown to a hideous monster, the size and color of a ripe mango. The fever was nearly the death of me and as the chief urologist recoiled in horror he cried, "I'm calling the hospital, you're going there immediately. My best man is there in surgery today and he'll take you. My god, I only hope you can make it in time."

As I faded in and out of delirium, I was wheeled to the sonogram, then to pre-op, then to the OR where the surgeon bravely stood to do battle with the horror that was my ballsack.

I spent 7 days in the hospital. They performed three surgeries to exorcise the dreadful abscess which had formed in my ballsack. Drains were installed. 3 meters of gauze were packed into my ragged ballsack, only to be torn out and repacked. The agony was unbearable and I spent day after day in a haze of morphine and demerol.

I was sent home to continue to the daily gauze packing and unpacking torment, and to take intravenous antibiotics for weeks. Thirty more days passed before the wound finally closed and the gauze was no more.

My sack has regained its strength and proudly carries my testicles, but it's beauty and grace are no more. Never again will joyful throngs crowd around, waving and smiling, exchanging gifts and singing songs as they celebrate the beauty of my ballsack. No, now it is a thing of pity. The n ...


cdn.overclock.net
 
Displayed 50 of 140 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report